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Kazuki wonders why it took him three years to notice the light fading in Soushi's eyes. Why it takes Maya pointing out Soushi sticking closer to him after his twenty-second birthday is probably more out of fear than anything else, and why it takes Kenji telling him that Soushi hasn't been sleeping much lately for him to finally realize that Soushi is scared.
Because Kazuki's time is almost up and they have yet to get any closer to a solution to stop his assimilation. To keep Kazuki from meeting his inevitable demise.
Kazuki expected this result though; it's the reason he refuses to take in any children because he doesn't want to be so cruel as to give a child a parent that would be snatched away from them. He didn't want to put someone- a child through the pain of knowing their parent would die soon and their was nothing they could do about it.
Even so he is still sad and frustrated, irritated even. He's dying. Leaving his friends and family alone. He couldn't count the amount of times he apologized to Maya and Soushi offhandedly, and each time the two would glare at him angryly.
He doesn't blame them of course; it was rude, especially to Soushi who was trying so hard to find a way to cure him. To save him. Despite that deep down Kazuki felt that he would not be the one Soushi's research saved, but someone else.
He simply hopes that whomever that someone was would thank Soushi and smile, and that Soushi too could smile back, happily, genuinely, brightly. That is all he wants. All he wishes for when the next day can very well be his last.
He still wants to live of course, but he didn't wish for it. Because truthfully he did not believe there was hope for it; if gods existed they certainly did not wish for him to live otherwise he wouldn't be in such a state to begin with, the world wouldn't be in such a state.
But that was beside the point. He was visiting Soushi to check up on him out of worry. From what he had learned- realized was that if he didn't say anything to him soon, Soushi just might work himself into the grave.
Kazuki walks into Soushi's room in Alvis locking the door behind himself. Soushi doesn't move at all, as if he didn't even notice Kazuki enter the room; even though the doors weren't exactly quiet.
Soushi has his back to the door. Sitting at his desk. Papers scattered all around the room. Kazuki frowns. Soushi was forced to go into his room in order to rest, but he was positive that Soushi neglected that order.
Kazuki walks up close to him and puts a hand on Soushi's shoulder. He looks startled and stares at Kazuki wide-eyed for a second, before calming down and spinning his chair to face Kazuki.
"Kazuki..."
"Soushi."
They stare at each other. Kazuki isn't sure for how long but Soushi eventually turns back around. Focusing on the papers in front of him, and for a moment Kazuki wants to cry, but he does not.
He wants to do something for Soushi, anything so that he can rest, so he can stop and take a breath and... not worry for at least one moment. However Kazuki doesn't know what to do, what to say or how to say it. Pretty words won't make anything better.
He debates it in his head then finally says . "You should get some rest."
Soushi hums to notify that he heard him but otherwise remains silent. Ignoring Kazuki's suggestion to rest.
Kazuki knows why he's behaving in such a way. He understands why, and he's also sure there's a good chance he'll only get worst as time passes. Slowly wasting away from sadness, guilt, grief, and anger, but Kazuki didn't want that.
He didn't want any of it.
"Soushi ple-" Kazuki stops. Then stumbles backwards clutching his hand. He can see green crystal forming and silently curses as he lets out a pained groan. He didn't want Soushi hearing him.
Kazuki attempts to cover his hand with his other but to no avail as the crystal simply grows onto that one as well. He feels more frustrated than afraid (Maybe because this is not the first time)
He hears Soushi get out of his chair then feels him grab his hands. He looks up to Soushi but can't exactly see his expression. Kazuki's vision is failing him; it always does when he has an attack.
Kazuki however can see the crystal start to spread on Soushi and panics shaking him off. The crystal shatters and the pain begins to fade. Kazuki covers his eyes; it always takes a little more than a few minutes for his eyesight to return.
He feels Soushi put a hand on his shoulder and pull him towards the bed to sit.
"...Are you okay?" Soushi speaks. His voice is soft and gentle, low, almost inaudible, and just slightly freightened.
Kazuki opens his mouth to say 'I'm fine' but doesn't. Because he doesn't know. He isn't sure if he'll even still be here in the next few minutes, so Kazuki doesn't say anything, and he thinks- he knows Soushi understands.
The reasuring hand on his shoulder confirms it.
"It's happening more often now... That's the second time this month."
Fourth actually. Kazuki corrects mentally, but he doesn't dare say it aloud. He didn't want to make Soushi worry anymore than he already was. Even if it was probably wrong to keep such things from him, but nobody knew about it. He wouldn't even tell Tomi-sensei.
Kazuki removes the hand he had over his face and squints at the bright light. The sudden clarity of everything feels odd on his eyes, but he tries not to linger on it and looks to Soushi sitting beside him on the bed. He was closer than Kazuki thought.
"Your eyesight returned." Soushi says. Kazuki sees that he can tell from his tone. "...You should rest." He adds.
Kazuki chuckles. "I'm not the one who hasn't slept in a few days."
"...Yes...but."
"I'll rest if you join me."
"Join- I... Don't have much of a choice do I?"
Kazuki smiles. At times Soushi is rather difficult in these situations. Even though as of recently he didn't argue against what Kazuki wanted (for reasons Kazuki rather not think about) However despite this Soushi plays it hard this time.
Saying he has work to do, or that he can rest later. Kazuki narrows his eyes then pouts. Eventually Soushi agrees and lays beside him. Looking at Kazuki with an almost unreadable expression. He doesn't say anything though. He simply stares at him.
Kazuki stares back. Although he wants to rest his eyes and sleep so that he won't have to deal with the insistent throbbing pain. Even though it isn't strong it's annoying, but he doesn't want to look away from Soushi.
"...We haven't done this in awhile, I...I would like for this moment to last." Kazuki says. If he had his way he would stare at Soushi for the rest of the small amount of time he had left, but his eyelids were beginning to grow heavy.
Soushi opens his mouth but quickly shuts it then moves up to place a kiss on Kazuki's forehead. "I'll be here when you awake."
If I awake. Kazuki darkly thinks to himself, but he keeps it in his head. Kazuki moves closer to Soushi and nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck; it feels warm, maybe even a little hot, and he can feel his pulse. It's soothing.
He wants this to continue, to last. He doesn't want to die. "It isn't fair." He mumbles, and Soushi cradles him in his arms in response. Rubbing Kazuki's back.
Soushi didn't whisper any sweet nothings or anything of the sort, only held him close.
Kazuki hears Soushi let out a soft sigh, then closes his eyes.
He doesn't want to think about the future. The pain, the tears, the helplessness. All that mattered to him was the present moment and nothing else.