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One thing Cassie Howard was never ashamed to do out in the open with everybody’s peering eyes looking at her was to admire Madeleine Perez. I mean, there was nothing weird about it at all considering that everyone at school admired her for doing the littlest of things.
The first time she had realized that she admired her was their freshman year, being thrusted into high school as well as being two of the five freshmen chosen for cheer, they both knew they had to go all out. So, like in a Maddy-esque fashion, they practiced. Day by day, whether it be in the gym or in Maddy’s room or under the watchful eyes of Lexi.
And to be perfectly clear here, Cassie loved cheer. She loved to dance, she loved to do the flips and catch Maddy while she was in mid-air. She loved their coach, as well as the benefits of being on the team but it was also kicking her ass. It was no skating, it wasn’t just gliding through the ice with no coherent thought.
So it wasn’t a surprise when she passed out for the second time on the floor, clutching her chest and reaching for her water bottle while Maddy continued to dance, an amused smile painted across her lips as she stopped, putting her hands on her waist while staring at her friend.
“Tired?” She asks like she didn’t already know the answer, the girl gives her a half assed response, chugging on the bottle while giving her a thumbs up. Another chug, another gulp of her energy drink, and then Cassie finally speaks.
“I don’t understand how you can go for two hours in a row.” She pants, helplessly lying down on the ground while her left hand clatters to the floor, unable to keep holding the bottle. The brunette just rolls her eyes, peering over and leaning forward, “And I don’t understand how you can’t. You’re literally more athletic than me!”
See, Cassie tries her damn hardest not to get distracted by, uh, you know, Maddy’s cleavage, but she’s a teenager with a crisis on her sexuality. Don’t blame her if she gets distracted!
“No I’m not!” She finally says after what seemed like an eternity, shaking her head and hoping that Maddy didn’t notice she was staring — spoiler alert, she did. But she doesn’t dwell on it, she merely smirks, “You skate, you play sports, you hike for fun! Isn’t that athletic?”
While that might be true, when you do something you love, whether it’s skating on ice or running around to catch a damn ball or hiking up a trail while Rue and Lexi follow behind her, it doesn’t seem tiring. And don’t get her wrong, she loved cheer, but the only reason she’s even here is because she loved Maddy.
“No, Maddy, Like you said, that’s fun. They’re hobbies. I don’t do them for athletics.” She shrugs and the shorter girl’s face falls, pouting at her as she sits, “But cheer is also fun!”
“For you!” Cassie’s voice didn’t seem too thrilled and the more that Maddy dwelled on it, the deeper her frown got. “You said you wanted to do this with me.” She whispers, suddenly looking down at her shoes and playing with the shoelaces. Cassie didn’t mean to act like she didn’t want to do it, because she really does.
Guilt rises up to her throat and despite the soreness that was engulfing her entire body, she sits up, flimsily ditching the bottle on her side, “And trust me, I do! But it’s kicking my ass.” She replies truthfully and with one accidental fall, Maddy giggles, watching as the blonde’s back collides with the floor once more, “I can tell.”
Having heard her laugh, she smiles, looking up at the ceiling then back at Maddy, “Can we have a break? Please?” She asked and the brunette couldn’t say no. I mean how could she? You’re staring at the bluest eyes she’s ever seen while hearing the softest plead come from those pink lips. “Fine.” She tells her, suddenly looking back down at her shoes to hide the twinge of red on her cheeks.
The pair sat in silence for a minute, with Cassie catching her breath and Maddy distracting herself by thinking about these very fond thoughts of her best friend. But she couldn’t keep her out of her mind, and Cassie had no intentions to keep herself out either.
“You’re such a great dancer, y’know?” The blonde tells her and her heart picks up, raising her head a bit to give her a look. “And so are you, Cass.” She tries to retort, but the older Howard was already steps ahead, unable to stop the words from just flowing out of her mouth, “No, but like, have you seen yourself? You’re amazing! You move so gracefully and stuff.”
She really tried to hide her blush, but it was almost impossible when you have the prettiest girl in school, who happens to be your best friend, compliment you for doing something you’ve been doing your entire life. At this point, it’s like she was complimenting her for breathing. “It’s just years of practice. You’re the same when you’re skating.”
It was evident how Cassie’s face lit up at the mention of skating, bashfully turning her head to the side while a grin spread across her face. She wasn’t used to people praising her for gliding on blocks of ice, considering that not a lot of people were there to see her do it. Usually it’s just Lexi, her mom, the Bennetts and occasionally her father. Now, Maddy gets thrown into the mix.
“Not really.” She says, attempting to play it down like it was nothing, like she wasn’t great and able to compete at the highest level if she was allowed to. Maddy hated seeing her like this, slapping her arm lightly, “Will you stop putting yourself down? Seriously, Cass, you’re great.”
A loud ‘hey!’ echoes around the room, with the taller girl soothing the patch of skin Maddy had hit, turning her head to give her a playful bite in return. “Not as great as you.” She mutters, inches away from her arm when the brunette scrunches her nose, flicking her forehead, “You sound in love with me.”
With a grin, and having no idea how much weight her words held, Cassie just sits up, smiling gleefully towards her best friend. The idea of being in love with Maddy wasn’t as foreign as it was expected to be, and she knew she was already teased by her mother for being too close to the girl, so she didn’t really care. What’s so bad about being in love with her anyway?
“Can you blame me?”
Maddy just about melts on the spot, unable to shake that conversation out of her head for years to come.
The second time the admiration had exceeded its normal levels was during the time Maddy was asked to perform for a party. Sort of like a band gig with Rue singing with her, as well as Cassie being tasked to play the guitar.
“I don’t understand why I gotta do the most complicated part of this entire thing.” She huffs, hooking up the guitar on the amplifier, testing it out by plucking one of the strings. “It’s not complicated.” Jules supplies from her seat behind the drums and Cassie snaps, “You try playing it then!”
Her fellow blonde just flips her off before flipping the drumsticks, grimacing when she realizes that the whole cool drummer thing was not for her when the wooden sticks clatter on the ground. Rue sat on the edge of the stage, humming the tune of the song they were meant to sing with Maddy sitting directly beside her, doing the exact same in a higher tone.
“You’re staring.” Lexi whispers, making Cassie jump and accidentally knock the guitar against the microphone stand, causing the feedback to echo loud across the room. Her face flushes, smacking her at the back of her head, “Sorry!” She squeaks out, turning away from the duo while her sister chortles, “I was not staring!”
“Yes you were!” Her laughter continues to waft through the air and the blonde just moves another step forward, “I wasn’t!” She exclaims and Lexi actually howls, clutching her stomach while Maddy and Rue watched them curiously, Jules was on the corner, listening to every sentence with a small smirk, “Please, you were ogling her!”
One of the things Cassie was glad about was the fact that Lexi knew about her sister’s feelings. They never got a proper relationship, yes, and they were never truly close, but one whisper that came from Cassie in the dead silence of the night admitting that she was in love with her best friend changed everything.
“Lexi, I’m begging you, shut up.” She pleads yet again, her eyes wide in horror that she was convinced it would bulge out. Before the younger girl could even respond though, Maddy was already up on her feet, standing behind Cassie with a frown, “What are you two talking about?”
“Nothing!” Her voice came out squeaky and high pitched, cracking right in the middle that Rue cracks up from her spot. Maddy however, could read in between the lines, narrowing her eyes to stare at the taller girl with a look of suspicion, “Whatever… Are you ready?”
Her head hangs low, nodding slowly while she grabs the neck of the guitar, strumming the strings as she pressed her fingers against them with her other hand, “Yeah, think so. Are you?”
The smile Maddy flashes her was almost blinding. Lexi leaves to sit in front of the four, an old video camera in her hand while Jules taps the snares, and then they are off.
One of the things Cassie wasn’t known for was the fact that she could actually play the guitar. And not just the basic chords or the basic strumming patterns, god no, she was good. Like, rockstar, headbanging, dropping your panties good.
She was in her element, finding herself lost in the rhythm, ignoring every other noise in the room, ignoring the beats that were coming from the drums, or the soothing voice of Rue blasting through the speakers.
But then her voice slowly fills her ears and for a while, Cassie’s hands nearly falter, she nearly misses her cue, her fingers suddenly going damp and limp as she continues to play the notes she had practiced to perfection for days.
She was lost, staring at the girl as if she was the only person in the room. All her senses were filled with Maddy — her voice, her appearance, her energy, her. And it was all so suffocating, as if choking her, taking the life out of her. But Cassie didn’t mind. If Maddy wanted to take everything for what she’s worth she’d let her.
There was just this glow to her, this thing that makes her unable to look, unable to stop herself from falling, deeper and deeper into this abyss of nothingness. This hole where she knew she couldn’t get back up.
Maddy sang her heart out every time she was asked to, gripping onto the microphone with a sultry smile that’s meant to be directed to the crowd, or in this case, Lexi, but she flashes it towards Cassie. And her heart nearly falls out of her chest when she realizes that the girl was already staring at her, looking at her like she hung the stars, like she was the only person in that room.
Jules ends the song with a final bang on one of the cymbals and Cassie stops, her hands lingering on the neck of the guitar while it hangs off her, the weight of it suddenly dragging her back into the real world where it wasn’t just her and Maddy.
“We did great!” Rue grins, jumping up and giving out high fives to everyone including the blonde, nodding her head and smiling while Maddy approaches her. Suddenly, Rue, Jules and Lexi ceased to exist.
The cheerleader throws herself at her, pulling her in for a hug and Cassie has never been more grateful that she removed the guitar from her or else it would’ve been squished right in the middle, “You were so good!” Maddy compliments and the blonde blushes, wrapping her arms around her hesitantly, “Well the singer was great.”
“Who knew you had it in you, huh?” Her teasing voice was accompanied by the smirk and Cassie suddenly straightened, taking mock offense as she clutched her heart, “What? Never thought I could do it?”
Maddy begins to stammer, shaking her head and feeling like she’d actually offended her, “Just never thought I’d be able to see it happen in real time.” She replies and Cassie sighs, nodding her head as she leaned against the speakers, “Well, now you have.”
It takes them a beat, a pass of silence, and then a wave of confidence suddenly surges through Maddy, taking another step forward, her finger tracing the shape of Cassie’s arm, “I always had a thing for musicians, you know?” She said innocently and it was a miracle that the skater didn’t choke, instead, for some reason as well — probably the adrenaline — she grins, allowing herself to melt against Maddy’s touch, “Oh, is that so?”
“Mhm. You?” Hoping this was a turning point for them, Maddy raises her head, finally locking eyes with the blonde. “Always liked singers.” She answers, which was sort of the truth. I mean, Cassie did have a thing for Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande and — “Good to know.”
From the distance, however, Jules, Rue and Lexi were all hunched together, watching the two practically eye fuck each other with grimaces on their face. “They’re fucking, aren’t they?” Jules asks silently and Lexi shakes her head. “Nope.” She answers confidently, because let’s be honest, if these two were doing it, she’d probably walk in on them because Cassie doesn’t know how to lock doors.
“Twenty bucks says they will in a month.” Rue offers with a bright grin taking up most of her face, wiggling her eyebrows while Jules scoffs, thinking that’s too long when the two were literally seconds away from making out in front of them, “I give it two weeks.”
Lexi’s face glows with a knowing smile, shaking her head at how ridiculous the two are, “You’re both stupid. Three days.”
And in exactly three days was when Cassie Howard stood at the field, becoming a substitute for an injured player of the school’s football team. Maddy was adamant for her not to go through with it, considering that the injured player was literally Nate and that she’ll be the only woman in the team but she didn’t mind. She knew why she picked her.
Agile, can kick ass and is very athletic. Why shouldn’t they pick Cassie Howard?
Her hair was tied in a tight ponytail, gripping the helmet as she walked with pads on her shoulders, as well as gear instead of the usual cheer outfit she was seen wearing during games, by her side was Maddy, being so out of character with how she was chewing on her nails in fear, something she has never done. At least, not when she’s sane and not ten seconds away from having a meltdown.
“Are you okay?” Cassie asks, looking down at the girl who could only respond with a shrug, looking around the field to find the team training, the cheer squad warming up and Nate on the far end of the bench with a scowl, glaring at the two of them.
Following her gaze, the blonde sighs, reaching down to squeeze Maddy’s hand. She knew she was worried, but she also knew she had to do this and she had no way out. If she said no, there’s a chance she might be kicked off the cheer squad for not having ‘enough school spirit’ or whatever bullshit the seniors would make.
The skater swore that once she and Maddy are seniors, she’s definitely not making rules like that for the freshmen.
“Mads,” She calls out in an attempt to calm the girl down, reaching for her shoulders and turning her body to face her, “Are you okay?”
“Do I look okay to you?” She asks, clenching her jaw as well as her fists as she refuses to look up at the blonde. If looks could kill, Cassie would be on the ground lifeless right now. “No.” She whispers in shame, shaking her head when the brunette scoffs, “Then why the fuck are you asking me that?”
“Because I wanna know why you’re acting like this.” Her voice remains calm and collected, knowing that she couldn’t snap at Maddy because, well, she was already in a bad position. “It’s none of your business.” Was her retort and Cassie sighs, “But it is. Come on, tell me.”
If it wasn’t for the girl’s urging, Maddy would have never said it, let alone out loud. Her bottom lip was in between her teeth, chewing on it now that she couldn’t reach for her hands, “I’m just worried you might get hurt, okay? It’s not a big deal!”
The hardened expression on the skater’s face slowly softened, her shoulders relaxing beneath the pads, “Oh, Maddy…” She coos and the brunette’s walls come right back up, glaring back at her as she pushes her away, “Stop. Stop treating me like I’m this vulnerable little bitch.”
A laugh escapes Cassie’s pink lips, despite being knocked away by the girl, she gets back to her, maybe stepping in even a bit closer as she holds her arms, “I’m not saying that you are.” She says and Maddy rolls her eyes, “You’re making me feel like it.”
“What’s wrong about being a little bitch, princess?” It was a harmful attempt at a joke and a smile appears on Cassie’s face when she finds the shorter girl holding back a smile, pulling her close for a hug, “You don’t have to keep on pretending you’re alright all the time. Besides, I like that you’re concerned.”
With her face squished against the blonde’s chest, Maddy looks up, muttering a “Really?” under her breath while blue eyes looked down at her, delicate hands stroking her hair, careful not to ruin the braid in her hair, “Yeah. Because if you’re not then my ass would probably go through all those guys and I’d have no regard for my own safety.”
This time, a louder, heartier laugh leaves Maddy’s lips. “You’re such a dumbass.” She grins, her hand finding its place on the back of Cassie’s neck, twirling the stray hair that got out of her ponytail. “I know.” The blonde whispers, staring down at her and just having to stop herself from doing something so drastic that she was thankful the coach had called her name. “That’s my cue.” She whispers, eventually having to pull away from Maddy and the cheerleader nods, “Good luck, Cass.”
As she picked up her helmet from the ground, she couldn’t help but ask, “Will you cheer for me?”
Maddy just smirks, “Will you give me something to cheer for?”
Cassie made sure she did.
Everyone was stunned to see how great she was on the field, dodging hits, slipping through defenders, running like hell and catching the ball with such determination that it makes Lexi laugh. Knowing that her sister can’t even walk properly most times and yet here she was being a better athlete than the actual quarterback of the team.
They were down by four and Cassie knew that the game rested on her shoulders. When the whistle blew, she ran like hell, moving past the defenders of the opposing team, her body colliding with theirs as she fought for her spot, taking the ball and running like hell.
From the sidelines, Maddy’s entire world slowed down. Her eyes were just focused on one person and she was surprised she could still even do the routine. Her mouth was shut now, though, unable to form any words as the time dwindled down and Cassie neared the end of the field.
3…
Cassie weaved through another throng of defenders, her lungs were just ready to give in. But she was determined, hearing the cheers of her peers as well as knowing that Maddy was watching.
2…
Maddy was unable to take her eyes off her, she was unable to stop herself from admiring her. Her intelligence, her humor, her appearance. The multiple talents she had under her belt. Her laugh, her smile, the way she appreciates and admires Maddy unabashedly with no regard of what others might think of her when she does.
1…
And then there it was. Cassie took a leap, the last remnants of the remaining second going painstakingly slow as everybody else held their breaths.
Thud,
she hits the turf and the whistle blows. There was a quarter of the second left, but she had a touchdown. And suddenly everyone else was cheering.
Then at that moment, with the way Cassie was clutching the ball to her chest, staring up at the sky knowing that she had won it, an epiphany hits Maddy like a truck. All these years Cassie would admire her from the side, giving her these obvious compliments for the littlest of things.
The way she looks at her like she hung the stars, the way her entire face glows the second she finds Maddy’s eyes after an achievement — big or small — was done. It doesn’t hit her until then that Cassie would look at her like she was the only girl in the world, because in some way, in her world, she was.
As she dwells on it, ponders on it while everybody cheers, Maddy still has her eyes on Cassie. And Cassie, despite being tired and ready to be carried by the team, had her eyes set on the cheerleader.
Deciding that at this moment, she was going to do something because she wasn’t going to wait for Cassie to make the move. Little did she know that Cassie, being overwhelmed by emotions, was also ready to make her move. To tell her truth. To show her what she felt.
Her frame pushes past the team, as well as the rest of the crowd that spilled on the field, her eyes locked in on Maddy while she removed the helmet that’s been crushing her head the entire game. And from the side, Maddy ignores the calls of her peers, ignores the way Nate was staring or how they were asking her where she was going. Her eyes were only on Cassie, and her eyes were only on Maddy.
Having enough of the gap between them, the brunette picks up pace, running to her in full speed and not caring if Cassie even topples over. She doesn’t, opening her arms and picking Maddy up as soon as she jumps in her arms, twirling her around and laughing so loudly that it almost drowns out the music coming from the band.
“I gave you something to cheer for.” Cassie whispers breathlessly, unable to put Maddy down just yet despite her aching limbs, brushing the stray strand of hair that fell right in front of her face away so she could take a clear look at her. The cheerleader grins, nodding her head, “Pretty sure I’m going to lose my voice.”
A short, amused laugh rattles from her throat, smiling so contently as she keeps the brunette in her arms. Maddy sighs, shifting a bit, the thoughts she had earlier, the plans, the scenario she had in her head finally sinking in.
“I think you deserve a reward for today.” She tells her and the skater hums, more so in curiosity, “Yeah?” She asks, furrowing her eyebrows slightly as Maddy nods, “Mhm.”
“And what would my reward be? A participation trophy?” It was a serious question, she really didn’t know what Maddy could possibly give her. Did the cheer squad do something? Lexi? Rue? What?
With her heart hammering in her chest and her mind throwing every coherent thought away, Maddy adjusts the pads on the blonde’s shoulders, “Nah, something a bit better. I hope.”
“Well what is it?”
The response Cassie gets shocks her to her absolute core. Because instead of having a verbal answer, or a small trinket shoved right in her face, Maddy leans in ever so slightly, her hand sliding from the blonde’s neck down to her chin, tilting her head up as she kisses her.
Kissed her. Madeleine Perez, the cheerleader, the most famous girl in their year, was kissing her. Cassie Howard.
Waves of emotions were running through her — shock, want, lust, affection, love — and as much as she tried, as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t help but let herself fall deeper and deeper with each kiss, with each passing second the shorter girl’s lips glides against hers.
Deeper and deeper into this hole of submission Cassie knew she wouldn’t be able to come out of. This hole where she knew all she’d ever know would be the girl kissing the life out of her. This thing where she knew she couldn’t fight even if she mustered everything in her.
It’s not like she wanted to fight this anyway. It’s not like she didn’t want her. Well, she didn’t. Because want was a superficial thing, it was something you can get rid of, something you can hold down and ignore. Need was a much different thing. Need was something that you just can’t turn a blind eye to, it wasn’t something that you could pretend it’s not there. It was much stronger. Need was something that held more weight, much like love. It was so easy to say you liked someone, so easy to say you wanted them, but it wasn’t easy to say that you loved and needed them, that it eats you alive thinking that you’ll never be able to attain them.
Lucky for Cassie, the woman she needed, the woman she had fallen head over heels for was feeling the exact same way, her eyes closed as she finally pulled away from the kiss. Her chest was falling and rising rapidly, catching her breath like she just ran a marathon.
“I’m assuming that’s my reward?” Cassie finally asks, looking at the girl through her eyelashes while she nods, “Do you consider having a girlfriend a reward as well?” The second the question left her lips, Maddy wanted to take it back, scared that the girl would turn her down when in reality, Cassie was just as desperate to be her girl. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
A laugh tears through in between the two, “Cassie, let’s be for real, we’ve probably gone on a hundred dates already and we already act like a couple.”
She had a point. And Cassie agrees, “Yeah, the only thing left for us to do is to kiss and put a label on it.” Her shoulders shrug, feeling her heart suddenly sore when she realizes that she is now looking at her girlfriend.
Maddy Perez is my girlfriend.
“And fuck.” The cheerleader adds in a bored tone, making the blonde’s eyes widen, a quiet “Maddy…” leaving her lips. The girl only gives her a look, knowing that the warning tone coming from her was all bullshit and Cassie wanted the same as her. With a sigh, the blonde blushes, looking down on the ground, “That can, uh, that can be arranged later.”
From the distance, Lexi smiles smugly while Jules and Rue simultaneously groan, searching for their money while the younger Howard had her palm facing up, “Aha! Pay up!”
Back in the field however, the pair fails to notice the way everybody had stopped to stare at them, with Cassie leaning in with a mischievous grin, “So… about that last reward.” She whispers right against the brunette’s ear, sending tingles all over her spine before she smacks the back of her head, “Take me out on a date first, Howard.”
A grin makes its way to the skater’s face, “Go out with me tonight, Perez?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”