Chapter Text
It’s not what Killua expects, the much dreaded freshman year of university. It’s surprisingly…nice, for the lack of better words. Sure it’s pretty much life-changing, and melodramatic – the day Killua and Gon moved out, Mito literally hugged them so hard in between sobbing fits, that Killua was sure he heard suspicious cracking sounds. And Alluka. It was difficult leaving her behind, even though Killua knew she’s in safe hands.
“Take care of my brother,” she’d said to Gon. “Don’t let him get into trouble.”
Killua wanted to protest at that – Gon’s the one who attracted all sorts of trouble, not Killua. But Gon had draped an arm over his shoulders and all the words in his head evaporated.
“I will,” Gon said, rather solemnly. Alluka nodded and rushed to give the two boys one final hug.
All those emotions were troublesome, Killua decided. But nice, nonetheless.
And really, so far so good; Killua was even able to talk a petrified Pokkle into relinquishing his suite room a few days ago, just so that Killua could be roomies with Gon. “You threatened to sell his organs, didn’t you?” Gon had asked later that day, with slight amusement on his face. The Zoldycks are notorious for their underground connections, and no one in their right mind would want to cross paths with the lot. With a reputation that inspires fear, little to no manipulation is all Killua usually needs to make things go his way.
Killua shrugged and grinned, “Maybe.”
“You’re hopeless.” Gon laughed. Gods, it’s such a beautiful sound, one that Killua couldn’t help but admiring. It reminded him of freedom, of the days he didn’t spend selling drugs or plotting murder. The promise of a future.
A future with Gon, Killua thought briefly, before embarrassment stifled him. Ugh. I’m fucking pathetic.
But then, if it’s for Gon, he really doesn’t mind being pathetic.
The campus is huge and basically insular, with the semblance of a self-sustaining city in every respect. But Killua had the whole campus memorized already during the orientation two months ago, so wayfinding is a piece of cake. Even the secluded Veterinary Science building – hidden behind a labyrinth of other faculty buildings - poses no challenge for Killua or Gon.
Gon’s taking a course on animal structure and function, which he finds so fascinating that he sometimes won’t shut up about it. But Killua would listen attentively while feigning impatience, as he’s doing now.
“…and we dissected a caecilian the other day. Guess what, its eyes are covered by a layer of skin!” Gon babbles excitedly and then looks at Killua sidelong, as though expecting a response.
“My ears are milliseconds away from falling off,” Killua deadpans and earns a playful shove from Gon.
He’ll never admit it, but deep down, Killua’s really glad that he’s the only person Gon trusts completely, and the confidant to Gon’s uncensored thoughts. Ever since they met each other when they’re twelve, they’ve been inseparable. Mito had muttered something about a match made in heaven, and Killua, who’d heard her, couldn’t look at Gon without averting his gaze for a good few days.
“You’re very mean.” Gon pouts with a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he always does when Killua tries to offend him and fails miserably. “And very short,” he adds ruthlessly, knowing how much it annoys Killua that Gon has outgrown Killua by ten centimeters.
Killua narrows his eyes and comes up with a clever retort that never leaves his mouth, because they’ve arrived at Veterinary Science Building. Gon doesn’t give him a chance to say goodbye and simply sprints through the entrance, a hand in the air giving a rather half-hearted wave.
Shaking his head at Gon’s enthusiasm, Killua turns and starts walking towards the Biology Building two blocks away from Gon’s. Killua only chooses classes that are near Gon’s building - in case Gon gets into trouble. But really, he does it just so they can walk to class together.
Being away from Gon would feel…wrong. Especially after the years they’ve been inseparable. And Killua is sure Gon feels the same way about him. They’re accomplices in crime, brothers, soul mates even. They’d spend a lifetime together, and Killua will be there for Gon no matter what.
He doesn’t know why he does it, but for some inexplicable reasons, Killua comes to a halt and looks back, through the glass door that separates him and Gon. He spots Gon easily with that spiky hairdo of his, who’s wearing a tender expression that Killua has never seen before. But that’s not what makes Killua’s world come to a standstill.
Gon isn’t alone. A girl is with him.
And they’re laughing at some inside jokes, fingers entwined.
Killua doesn’t remember how long he has stood there in the autumn wind, or how he manages to slip into his class late. He doesn’t hear a thing, not the professor’s harangue on cellular engineering, or the chattering of students in the lecture hall.
Nothing except the echoes of Gon’s laughter that isn’t meant for him.
Later that night, Gon doesn’t come back until past midnight.
No calls, no messages, nothing.
Killua pretends to be asleep as Gon climbs into his bed opposite Killua’s, being as quiet as possible. He hears Gon pulling his comforter over himself, again trying to be very cautious out of consideration for Killua’s sensitive ears. But Killua is awake, his brain running ten miles a second, and every sound Gon makes seems harsh and unpleasant.
“Killua,” Gon whispers.
But Killua doesn’t feel like replying. He doesn’t understand why he’s feeling this way, feeling so betrayed, and so –
“Killua,” Gon repeats. Back facing Gon, Killua can imagine the frustration on Gon’s face, and this almost makes him smile.
When Killua doesn’t stir at all after Gon calls his name for a fifth time, Gon finally gives up and sleeps.
Letting out a strangled breath, Killua opens his eyes and takes in the darkness. He understands nothing, not Gon – who used to be an open book – and definitely not his own feelings. But he knows he can’t blame Gon for keeping things from him, because he’s doing exactly the same thing.
Killua turns to stare at the ceiling, as though it might give him some answers.
He doesn’t sleep that night, or many nights after that.