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Cater didn’t like to make close connections with people. It was the one thing he told himself never to do. Close connections always meant loss, no exception. So, how had he managed to let Trey get so close? Try as he might to keep it all hidden, Trey knew more about Cater than anyone else ever had. Trey had managed to see through his defenses and see him , the real him. Maybe it was because Trey paid more attention to him than anyone ever had. Of course, everyone else paid attention to him, he practically demanded it of them - but, not the same way Trey did. Trey would always watch him with those questioning, gold eyes, his head slightly tilted in the way that Cater knew meant he wanted to ask something. He never did. That made it worse - the fact that Trey would never push or pry, just watch. Trey didn’t like to push people, and that same philosophy applied to Cater. That made it worse, because that meant that everything Trey knew, he knew because Cater had willingly let him. He tried so hard not to let anyone get close, because it hurt too much to lose them if he did. He only had the rest of the year before he’d lose Trey too. They’d leave to go on their internships and they’d never have a reason to see each other again - Cater would move again and he’d lose Trey in the process.
Cater didn’t want to lose Trey, he’d known that from the moment they met at orientation their freshman year. It had been a mistake to approach Trey in the first place, but Cater had thought he’d be able to calm down the cute, anxious student and then he’d never have to see him again. When they’d both been sorted into Heartslabyul, Cater knew he’d messed up. When he’d found out Trey was his roommate, he’d accepted his fate. Someday, he was going to lose Trey and it was going to hurt worse than losing anyone else ever had. He still kept his distance, put up his walls, wore the mask he hid behind - but, nothing worked. Despite Cater’s best efforts, Trey had quickly become a constant. Trey had become the most important thing in Cater’s life. Just looking at the vice housewarden became enough to ground him when he was thinking too fast, just talking to him was enough to make him smile. And now, at the end of the year, Cater was going to lose him. He was thinking too fast and, this time, seeing Trey would only make it worse.
Cater curled into himself in the darkness of the Heartslabyul lounge after curfew. He’d told Trey he would head to his room soon - hours ago, before the lights had gone out and Riddle’s curfew had come to pass. He wanted to go to his room, truly he did, but his legs didn’t want to cooperate as he tucked his body further into the cushions of the couch he had been sitting on for hours, his breathing coming in shaky bursts and his phone laying forgotten, screen still open to a picture he’d posted to his Magicam of him and Trey, on the small table next to him. This was why he didn’t let people in. He’d been trying to separate himself from Trey, avoiding him when he could, making small talk, but never the full conversations they used to have. All he’d succeeded in was making Trey watch him closer, because of course Trey picked up on it, he wasn’t an idiot. Cater felt the tears that began to wet his cheeks. If it hurt this much now, just thinking about it, how much was it going to hurt when Trey actually left him?
“Cater, are you in here?” Cater startled at the sound of Trey’s voice filtering into the lounge, but didn’t make a sound as he sunk further into his hiding spot, hoping Trey might simply pass him by. “It’s past curfew, I don’t want Riddle to find you before I do.”
Despite himself, Cater’s breath caught in his throat and released in a quiet whimper. Now alerted of his location, Trey stepped fully into the room, glancing around for only a moment before spotting Cater curled up on the couch, eyes red with tear tracks running down his cheeks. Without saying a word, Trey let out a soft sigh and moved to sit on the other end of the couch. It was still okay, Trey would never ask the question, he’d let Cater talk first, so Cater just wouldn’t —
“What’s wrong?” A harsh sob involuntarily ripped itself from Cater’s throat as his eyes locked onto Trey’s, filled with shock. Trey never asked what was wrong, he hated getting too involved in things unless other people wanted him to - and even then he tried to avoid it.
“Nothing~.” Cater tried to laugh it off as he scrubbed the tears from his face, though his laugh came out strangled and not at all convincing. “Just got a little stuck in my head, that’s all. Don’t worry about me, Trey Trey~.”
Instead of nodding and leaving him be like Cater had hoped Trey might, his eyebrows knitted closer together under his glasses as the concerned look in his eyes only grew. His mouth skewed to side side, his lips pressing tight together like he wanted to say something but he didn’t know exactly how to say it - so, Cater decided to say something before he could figure it out.
“You’re still worrying about me, aren’t you?” The laugh Cater let out this time was a little more sincere as he spoke again, a couple more stray tears leaking from his eyes that he quickly swiped off his face.
“Always.” Cater felt his face heat up under the soft look that Trey fixed on him, a gentle smile making itself known on his face. Thankfully, the look only lasted a moment before Trey’s eyes were drawn to the dim glow of Cater’s phone screen and reached over him to grab it. The furrow in Trey’s eyebrows returned as he looked at the picture displayed on the screen. Cater had taken it after the last unbirthday party - almost a week ago. It was a photo that was remarkably clear in Cater’s mind’s eye, even without looking at his Magicam post. It was a selfie. In it, Cater had thrown his arm over Trey’s shoulder to pull him into frame while the other boy had been collecting the dishes. Cater had dared to press his lips against his best friend’s cheek as he snapped the photo - leading to him capturing an adorably flustered Trey. Looking back up at Cater, Trey locked the phone and placed it even further out of Cater’s reach, not even allowing him his normal defense mechanism. “You know I don’t like to push, but clearly something’s up, Cay.”
That broke him. Cater crumpled under the weight of his sobs, wrapping his arms tightly around himself as shivers wracked through his body. “I just - I just don’t wanna lose you.” The broken whisper was nearly incomprehensible, especially for Trey, who didn’t have the context of the million thoughts Cater had been having all night.
“Hey, hey,” Trey nearly lurched forward to gather Cater into a hug, tucking the shorter boy’s face into his chest as his hand rubbed his heaving shoulders, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, why would you lose me?”
Trey continued to rub Cater’s back until his breathing evened out enough for him to speak again, his sobs quieting down but not quite ceasing. “I didn’t mean to let you get so close, and now next year we’re going to leave to do our internships and I’m going to move again and lose you like I lose everyone else. I try so hard not to make connections because I know I’m just going to leave, but for some reason - some stupid, shitty reason - you just…” Cater trailed off as he pulled away from Trey slightly to look into his eyes - his eyes that were looking back down at his, full of tenderness and concern and all of the emotions that had caused the problem in the first place. A whimper escaped his throat as his shoulders dropped in defeat, his head falling back down to watch his fidgeting hands. “I don’t wanna lose you, Trey.”
“I don’t think that’s entirely your decision to make.” A large hand, rough with baking callouses, cupped his cheek, wiping off excess tears and turning Cater’s head back up so his eyes could meet the golden ones staring back at him. “Because, trust me, I don’t want to lose you, either. Maybe it’s shouldn’t be that simple, but I don’t see why it can’t be. I like you too much to let you go, Cater.”
“Trey?” Cater fixed Trey with questioning eyes. There was no way Trey was saying…
“I’ve loved you since we met, Cater. So, unless you want me gone, I’m not going anywhere.”
“You… you love me?” Though his sobs had stopped, Cater’s voice still came out shaky with his question as he reached his own hand up to cover the one Trey still had cupping his cheek. Still sniffling with the residual waves of his breakdown, he could feel a smile spreading out over his face and bit his lip to try to slow it down. Instead of answering the question, Trey simply returned Cater’s smile with one of his own and leaned in close to Cater’s face, giving the other boy plenty of time to stop him if he wanted to. The moment their lips met, Cater felt like he was releasing a breath he’d been holding since he was just a child - the first time his dad had ever told him that they had to move and he’d have to say goodbye to all of his friends. As Trey’s strong hand gripped his jaw, angling his face to deepen the kiss, Cater released a breath he’d been holding since the first time he’d gotten a crush and pushed it so far down inside him that he’d forgotten what a true crush felt like until he met Trey. When Trey pulled back, Cater tried to follow him, his eyes only fluttering back open when Trey spoke again.
“We’ll get internships close to each other,” Trey offered, smiling that gentle smile that Cater loved so much - the one that maybe Cater could admit now that he loved so much, “maybe get an apartment, then you’ll never have to move again.”
This time, Cater’s laugh was genuine, even though it cracked with the residual tears still caught somewhere in the back of his throat. He nodded and giggled and threw his arms around Trey’s neck, causing the taller boy to let out a startled noise. “I love you too, Trey Trey~!”
Trey let out his own chuckle as he gently pushed Cater off of him, once again reaching up to wipe any leftover tears from his face. Lingering doubts still danced in the back of his mind - it seemed too simple, surely Trey would still leave him eventually, it was too good to be true. But, he shook them out of his head as he and Trey just watched each other in comfortable silence, they could try and hopefully, that would be enough for now.
“Pass me my phone, would ya?” Cater reached out a hand in a grabbing motion toward the table Trey had set his phone on. “I wanna get a picture of this.”
“You’re not going to post it on Magicam, are you?” Trey sent him a wary look, but handed over the phone nonetheless.
“Of course not, my hair’s a mess, my eyes are all red, and we’re out past curfew.” Cater slung his arm over Trey’s shoulder to pull him into frame and pressed his lips against his cheek as he snapped the photo - capturing a fond smile on Trey’s face as he looked at Cater instead of the camera. “This one’s just for us.”