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Catelyn was pacing up and down in her chamber. She didn’t even know why it took her by surprise, she wasn’t naive - men rode off to war, men bred bastards. But even knowing all that - she felt betrayed. She has been waiting for Ned for a year, given birth to his son, his rightful heir , she has been faithful to him - not like her sister, Lysa who has had her fun with Littlefinger while her husband fought for her safety. She was loyal only to be humiliated like this - Ned insisted on raising his bastard, Jon Snow in Winterfell.
She didn’t even notice he had entered, only when he spoke up, his voice full of guilt.
‘Can I hope for forgiveness, my lady?’ he asked.
He knew he had messed up. Oh, how he wanted to be a good husband. How he didn’t want to hurt Catelyn . He knew he would, but it pained him to see such disappointment and coldness in her blue eyes.
‘Forgiveness?’ Catelyn echoed, her voice trembling. She was raised to be a lady, but it was just too painful - she couldn’t contain herself. ‘I wait for you for a year, give birth to your son, your rightful heir, travel for nearly a month and when I get here where we’re supposed to build a home, a family together, I find your bastard. How do you think that feels?’ Helpless rage filled her eyes with tears and when they overflew, they ran down her face.
Ned wanted to talk her through this - and he wanted to let her know who Jon was. But he had made a promise to Lyanna. Now, he was split between loyalty to his dead sister and loyalty to his - very much alive - wife. His wife, this beautiful, Riverlands lady with so much passion and love in her heart . He wanted to apologise, to get forgiveness, to make her understand - at least that.
‘I know I displeased you…’ he trailed off.
‘Displeased?’ Catelyn snapped. She moved to stand face to face with Ned, her face inches from his. ‘Do you think that’s the right phrase?’
She wanted him to feel her pain. Before she knew it, she was swinging her fist against his chest. Ned didn’t move. He didn’t try to convince her Jon wasn’t his. It was her last hope - that he would say Jon wasn’t his son, but he didn’t. He just stood there, quietly, taking her punch. The lack of reaction triggered something in her. She hit him again - despite her knuckles throbbing with pain - without a second thought.
‘How could you do this, Ned?’ She asked, swallowing back her tears.
Ned just stood there. He was quite certain the punches Catelyn was giving him hurt her soft hand more than him, but he knew he deserved every single one of them. It was horrible to see her like this - crying, screaming, broken.
‘Why don’t you say a single word?’ Catelyn fell against his chest, as if her legs had given up, but Ned held her gently, even though she was still punching him between sobs.
‘Please, forgive me.’ Ned whispered into her locks, feeling his own eyes giving in to tears.
Catelyn fell to his feet, finally rid of anger - the only emotion she could feel was exhaustion and the throbbing pain in her right hand. Ned knelt beside her, cradling her to his chest. She didn’t resist - she couldn’t. And the guilt that creeped up through her body as a response to his tenderness was horrible.
‘Are you done?’ His voice was soft.
Catelyn only nodded, still fighting her tears. Ned scooped her up gently to take her to the bed and wrap her up in warm furs. As he headed to the door to leave, Catelyn felt an overwhelming urge to keep him close.
‘Ned…’ She peered.
‘Yes, my lady?’ He turned to face her.
‘If I asked you to stay after all this…’
There it was. Ned let out a sob of relief. He almost ran to the bed to curl up by her side and throw an arm around her waist. To have her close. To get the Riverlands warmth he has been longing for over a year .
‘Forgive me, Ned.’ Catelyn muttered.
‘Everything’s alright. I would have done the same.’ Ned sniffed. ‘I just… I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.’
‘I don’t know about that.’ Catelyn answered honestly. ‘But… I beg for your forgiveness, my lord. I can’t say I didn’t want to hurt you, I just feel horrible I did.’
‘I know. I know you wanted to hurt me and it’s alright. I hurt you, too.’ Ned answered slowly.
It was no surprise Catelyn wanted her revenge and he could accept that. If their spaces were swapped, he would have been so much worse. He can’t lie to her again. It felt horrible.
Catelyn allowed him to take her hand into his and pepper soft kisses to her skin, as if to reduce her pain. She shifted closer to him - his presence was just as comforting as it had been on their wedding night. Crying together, wrapped up in each other's arms was something she never expected from marriage, but it was happening.
Ned was there, holding her close, planting kisses to her hand and hair until they both drifted off to sleep tired from all they have gone through.