Work Text:
Catelyn sat at her vanity, covered in the thick wool dressing robe Lord Eddard had gifted to her not long after her arrival to Winterfell. Most of her nights since then have passed with her putting little Robb to his cradle and taking care of the bastard and then crying herself to sleep. She was alone. During daytime, the cold was bearable, especially considering that she had to fall into a new routine as the Lady of Winterfell. Lord Eddard was courteous as ever, but he did not dare to visit her during the night or speak with her about anything not concerning Winterfell or Robb. And so, Catelyn was left with only her beautiful, sweet son to keep her company.
And winter was coming. At least that was what Lord Eddard kept telling her. Not as the words of his house, but more like a warning. Catelyn could feel it, too. Every single day was colder than the one before and although her lord husband kept his distance from her chambers, he kept sending her more furs and warmer clothing. The deep consideration in the act made Catelyn smile involuntarily. He cared for her even now that she was angry with him and felt betrayed.
The knock came subtly. Somehow Catelyn could feel it was her lord husband on the other side of the door. Slowly, she clutched her dressing robe tighter and opened the door.
‘My lord.’ She welcomed him with a slight bow of her head.
‘My lady.’ Lord Eddard took her hand and kissed her knuckles gently. ‘May I enter?’
‘Of course, my lord.’ Catelyn took a step back to let him in.
Lord Eddard walked in, his gaze wandering around before returning to her.
‘Do you find your chambers pleasant?’ He asked softly. ‘I chose these ones for you, because they are the warmest in the castle.’
‘It is very considerate, my lord, thank you.’ Catelyn tried to smile at him. ‘Is there something wrong with Robb?’
‘Can I not talk to you about anything not concerning our son?’ His voice was so disappointed, his eyes so sad.
Catelyn could feel her cheeks burning furiously. She did not want to offend or hurt him after all, she just wanted to make sure their child was safe and sound as she had left him nearly an hour ago.
‘My lady, I… I wanted to see how you live here…’ Lord Eddard confessed, taking a step closer to her. ‘I wish to make you feel at home as much as I can. I really do.’
‘I… I…’ How could she tell him? How could she tell him she was lonely and cold and afraid? That she longed for the man she had met in Riverrun on the day of their wedding, the man who had been gentle and kind, with clumsy but eager hands and kisses, the man who had held her every night until he had ridden off to war. How could she tell him now, especially since Lord Eddard clearly was not that man anymore. ‘I am… getting used to the North.’ She breathed finally.
Then, he crossed the room to cup her cheek with a huge hand and lifted her cheek so their gazes could meet. A shiver ran down her spine at his touch, but she did not step back. His gray-green eyes were full of sorrow as he examined Catelyn slowly, before speaking.
‘I miss you, my lady…’ He confessed.
The kiss was gentle at first, their lips barely brushing against one another, but then Catelyn could not tell which one of them deepened it. Suddenly, her arms were around Lord Eddard’s neck and his arms around her waist and his tongue in her mouth, just like it had been in Riverrun many times before, but something was not quite right about it. As if Catelyn was watching the scene from outside, instead of actually experiencing it. Gently, she pulled away, lacking all satisfaction that could have come from the situation.
Lord Eddard did not force anything further, although there was a question in his eyes.
‘Do forgive me, my lord, but you betrayed me and I have no idea if I can… if I can welcome you in my bed…’ Catelyn rested her hands on his chest.
‘Then you need not.’ Lord Eddard lowered his arms from around her. He even took a step back.
‘You just… let me go…’ Catelyn breathed in wonderment. Her lord husband nodded slowly.
‘I wish not to force myself on you, my lady. If you need time, I can give you that. You need not to talk to me, you need not even see me, if you wish not.’ He told her.
‘I believe such drastic measures are not necessary, my lord. But I do need time.’ Catelyn muttered. ‘Thank you.’
‘Anything you wish for, my lady. Anything.’ Lord Eddard breathed. ‘But… I am still concerned for your wellbeing, so please, if…’
‘There is nothing to be concerned about, my lord.’ She forced herself to smile.
‘Please, don’t lie to me.’ His eyes were so dark and full of so much sorrow. Catelyn reached out for his hand and their fingers entangled.
‘I… I miss Riverrun.’ She said simply.
‘I know, my lady.’
‘I thought this past year would be enough for me to accept that everything I had been used to was over, but it wasn’t and I…’ Catelyn could feel her eyes burning with tears. ‘I can’t keep myself from thinking that I failed you and I’m failing you right now by not fulfilling my duty as your wife, but I just… I can’t. I don’t… trust you.’
‘You are not failing, Lady Catelyn.’ Lord Eddard told her. His voice was low and gentle. ‘The North is grim and dark and remembers everything. You have to be tougher here than in the South. But you’ve helped me so much with it already. You already have done more than any lady would be expected to and these grim Northmen are already in favor of you. You are an amazing mother to the beautiful son you’ve given me and I believe it is fair to say that you have become a trusted counselor to me. And whatever happens between us, I shall always be grateful for it and I shall never miss any chance of earning your trust again, my lady.’
‘Thank you, my lord.’ She breathed and allowed her tears to fall.
There was only a few seconds before Lord Eddard enveloped her in his arms. Catelyn felt as if she could melt into him, trusting him or not. It was so easy to rely on him, allowing him to hold her gently and Lord Eddard did not even try to do anything more than caressing her hair and back. Catelyn just sobbed and sobbed, surrendering to pain and loneliness and she did not notice when her legs gave up, only that Lord Eddard carried her to her bed.
‘Would you like me to stay if you fall asleep, my lady?’ He asked and Catelyn nodded. ‘I shall stay then.’
He was still holding onto her, arms wrapped around her waist and she was still sobbing uncontrollably, fingers clutching his leather tunic. Don’t give up on me, my lord, not yet, please… please… She would beg, if she could, she wanted to be a good wife to him so badly, she wanted to trust him again, she wanted to be happy by his side, but all she could do now was give in to heavy exhaustion weighing her shoulders down. She fell asleep that night with tears in her eyes, but with Lord Eddard’s arms around her.