Chapter Text
“Xiao, hold on.”
Xiao’s golden eyes are hazy and distant, he tries to keep them open but he feels so heavy. This was different. It was different from the countless other times he’d dragged himself off the battlefield covered in mud, blood and viscera and the karmic binds strangling his spirit. He feels the bindings so tightly now he can’t move. He can’t draw the strength to try and move. Xiao feels them rending him apart on the inside, stretching and snapping and rebinding to snap and stretch again.
He didn’t feel the familiar rage, just a quiet acceptance.
This was it. It was the end.
He was lying on his back, the expanse of stars twinkling and oblivious to the adepti’s plight, oblivious to his death. At least it wasn’t raining.
Xiao can feel the remnants of his mask in his hand, his own broken polearm embedded in the mud next to him. Rex Lapis stands over him and Xiao wants to apologize.
“I’m- I let you down.” Xiao mutters, his voice distant to his own ears. He can feel the black miasma fall from his mouth when he speaks.
“You’ve served Liyue well.” Rex Lapis kneels in the mud beside him and Xiao hates it. He hates that he’s forcing him to his knees when he should stand tall. It was never about serving Liyue, he would see it razed to the ground by his own hand if Rex Lapis told him to. But he would never, he loved the people too much. “Xiao, hold on for a moment longer.”
Xiao exhales and struggles to inhale again, choked by the thickening miasma.
Then, in the distance, a clear ringing tone. Zhongli lifts his head and sets his eyes on the horizon. The Dihua Flute pierces through the night in a melody that’s familiar and soothing, but it offers no respite from the heaviness in Xiao’s chest. A crack of thunder from the east and the sound of soft rain from the west join the flute from the north. Zhongli stands and his form flickers, the glamor he dons fading away to reveal his true form.
“Go in peace.” Rex Lapis commands in a voice Xiao hasn’t heard in years. As if his body was holding on only for the simple command of his god, Xiao fades as the stars overhead begin to swirl and descend as topaz eyes glow. Xiao embraces his death with the blessing of Rex Lapis.
“Hey.”
Xiao very suddenly wakes up, inhaling sharply as if he were breaking through the water. He pushes himself up to his feet and immediately falls back to hard ground. He’s disoriented, he can’t think straight but he knows he has to fight and protect himself.
“Holy shit- calm down.” A voice says and Xiao struggles to focus. He feels very very odd. His hands slap on the hard ground underneath him as he breathes fast and shallow breaths, golden eyes manic as he takes in his surroundings.
It’s night, but it’s not dark outside. It’s like being in Liyue Harbour where the lanterns burn all night. There’s brick buildings rising into the sky on either side of him and it smells awful.
“Are you high on something?” Someone asks and Xiao turns to face him. He’s wearing odd clothes, and looking at Xiao like he was crazy.
Where was he? Was he in Mondstadt? He didn’t recognize the buildings and the ground wasn’t stone. He had to get back to Liyue, it was night and he had a job to do.
“Where am I? Which way to Liyue Harbour?” Xiao demands, trying to stand but again he topples over.
“Calm down. You’re in the city.” The guy pulls something from his pocket and it lights up. “I’m calling an ambulance, you’re really fucked up.”
Xiao tries to draw on the power of his Anemo vision to push himself up but nothing happens.
“I have to get back to Liyue- the demons-” Xiao growls, but he feels dizzy.
“Demons? Are you seeing demons right now?” The guy asks and the almost mocking tone he uses sets Xiao’s nerves on end. He clearly didn’t pose an immediate threat to Xiao’s life, or he would have killed him already.
“No, you fool.” Xiao replies, managing to get to a wall and pull himself up. His legs are weak, his knees keep giving out.
Xiao pulls himself along the wall and he’s sweating with the effort to keep himself upright.
“What the hell did you take?” The guy follows after him, holding the little light to his head. Xiao’s seen an akasha terminal before and figures it's the same thing.
“Shut it. Get away from me. It’s dangerous for mortals to be around me.”
But, even as he says that, he realizes he doesn’t feel the karmic debt. It makes him pause, pressing his hand to his chest. He doesn’t feel what he expects; instead of his shirt, he feels a thicker material and he looks down. He’s dressed in a similar way to the guy behind him. Long pants, soft shoes, a long sleeved, thicker top in an emerald green color.
What was going on? Where was he?
He realizes he’s struggling to stand because he’s used to fighting against the heaviness of his karma, and now that it’s gone, he feels too light. He’s using too much of his strength to keep himself upright. With a shaking breath, he relaxes his tense muscles, and it gets easier. He can stand without support from the wall but it’s so odd.
He looks up at the sky, and sees no stars, only a blanket of putrid orange light that hangs over the buildings.
“Just wait here, there’s an ambulance coming.”
Xiao spins around and grabs the guy by the front of his shirt, but either the guy weighs more than he appears, or Xiao just doesn’t have the strength he used to because he just looks offended.
“Who are you, where am I?” Xiao demands.
“Relax. I said, you’re in the city. I just saw you passed out and came to check on you.” The guy explains. This close, Xiao can see he’s got orange eyes and tan skin. “I’m Cyno. I’m just a university student.”
Xiao understands none of those things.
A loud siren startles Xiao and he pulls away. He turns away from Cyno and starts running.
“Don’t run into traffic!” Cyno yells but Xiao just goes. He tries to use his adeptus powers and nothing happens, he tries to call on anemo again and nothing happens. He’s just powerless and weak. It’s confusing and unfamiliar terror bubbles up in his gut.
Xiao emerges from the alleyway and the city opens up before him. There’s a street, a huge and yawning expanse of black stone and white markings. It’s nothing like the streets of Liyue Harbour. Vehicles like carriages rush over the street at high speed and Xiao just stops short of falling into the path of them. There’s bright lights and noise and so many people it’s overwhelming.
Xiao panics, turning to the path he was on and he starts running again. He pushes through people, ignoring the protests of them. His lungs and legs burn with the effort and he hates it. He hates the noise and the lights. He hates that he’s weak and he can’t do anything about it.
“Don’t ever say it’s over if I’m breathing.”
Xiao stops in his tracks as a voice pierces through the noise.
“Racing to the moonlight and I’m speeding.”
The voice is familiar, and Xiao’s heartbeat calms despite the situation.
“I’m headed to the stars.”
He turns and there’s an open expanse of black stone. A park maybe, there’s trees and more people wandering through.
“I’m ready to go far.”
Music plays with the song and Xiao runs towards it. Xiao follows the voice and there he is.
Barbatos.
He’s singing under a tree in the park with a few people gathering around him. Xiao keeps running until he’s right in front of Barbatos and he drops to his knees, struggling to catch his breath. He bows all the way to the ground, pressing his forehead to the blanket of black stone.
“ I’m starwalking. ” Barbatos sings, and the clear tone soothes Xiao’s racing heart. He can feel the eyes of the mortals around him on his back, but he stays down.
“Oh. Ahaha, I didn’t think it was that good, but thank you, and uh, raise your head, if you would.” The bard says and Xiao lifts his head and the world spins.
“Lord Barbatos-” Xiao huffs, he tries to recall what name Barbatos uses when he walks with mortals. “-Venti.”
“Oh you know this guy?” Cyno asks, catching his breath from chasing after Xiao. “He’s pretty fucked up.”
“Eh? No.” Venti says, looking at Xiao curiously. Xiao frowns, but he doesn’t dare object. The sirens scream again and Venti’s eyes widen. “Oop, and that’s my cue. Thank you thank you, but my exit is overdue.”
Venti drops his instrument into a black case and kicks it closed and slings it across his back. He picks up a box that jingles with mora and Xiao reaches out. He normally wouldn’t dare to try and touch a god but he was desperate. He couldn’t be left alone in this strange place any longer. He catches Venti’s wrist.
“Please, I don’t know what’s going on.” Xiao says, looking up at Venti with pleading eyes.
“Ah, they’ll help you.” Venti says, carefully pulling away. “But they won’t help me.”
Venti takes a few steps backwards, his brow creased with worry. Xiao watches him turn away, and run from the sirens.
“He’s here!” Cyno calls, and Xiao exhales.
Someone kneels in front of Xiao and a bright light blinds him. He flinches, lifting his hand to shield his eyes from the light.
“What did you take?” The woman asks, and he shakes his head.
“Get away from me.” Xiao says, pushing himself backwards. He runs into a pair of legs behind him and rolls away. There’s uniformed people here now, approaching him from the street. The way they move reminds him of the Millelith. Were they soldiers? He gets up to run but he’s caught by strong hands. “Let me go!”
He fights back but he’s weak. He can’t pull away from them and he thrashes hard. Xiao grunts as he’s held against the ground, his voice breaks as he tries to get free.
“Hold him.”
There’s a painful pinch on his arm and moments later he feels heavy and tired. He doesn’t fight anymore, it feels like he’s on the verge of passing out.
“Get his I.D.” He hears in passing, and they’re dragging him across the ground. He’s suddenly assaulted with the bright light again and he closes his eyes, and succumbs to the heavy weight of sleep.
“Xiao?”
Xiao furrows his brow as he wakes up, and he feels heavy all over.
“There was nothing in his system, but he appeared confused and violent.”
There’s an unfamiliar noise and Xiao cracks gold eyes open to look. He doesn’t understand what he’s looking at when it comes into focus.
“You can take him home, we need the bed so we cannot keep him overnight. He’s been heavily sedated, and I suggest you make an appointment with a doctor about his condition.”
“Thank you.”
Xiao turns when he hears a voice he recognizes and has to squint to focus.
“Ganyu.” He whispers, his voice hoarse. He struggles to stay awake, the lull to go back to sleep was so strong. His eyelids flutter as he recognizes the color of her eyes and hair when she leans in close.
“Hey there, looks like you’ve had quite the night.”
Xiao can’t understand her words but he hears them.
“I’ll take you home.”
Xiao struggles in and out of sleep, but he knows he’s being moved. He’s in a comfortable seat, and it smells like Qingxin and Violetgrass and there’s flashing lights. And then he’s in a bed that feels like the big bed he gets occasionally at Wangshu Inn, and he curls into it.
When he wakes up, the sun is up and shining through the window. He doesn’t move. Xiao feels a little sore in some places but it’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what he was used to. He almost feels euphoric with the weight of the karmic debt gone, with the weight of thousands of years of fighting gone. He can’t recall the feeling of taking a life, it feels distant, a photo of a memory.
He slowly accepts that he’s not in the same world he’d lived in before. It was obvious, now that he had clarity of mind. Things were too different, too foreign. He didn’t feel the swell of power in him that he associated with being an Illuminated Beast. His heartbeat sounded fragile in his ears. And he knew it was possible to travel in between worlds, because he remembers the Traveler, who smelled like stardust and the dawn.
He tries to recall what happened. There was a battle, his mask cracked. His spear was broken.
And.
Go in peace.
Xiao had to get back to Liyue. He had to get back and defend the land for Rex Lapis. He could find a way, somehow, to get back there. But last night, he found Barbatos. If he found Barbatos, Rex Lapis must also be around.
The door to the room opens and Xiao sits up to face whoever interrupted his rest.
“Morning.” Qiqi says as she comes into the room. She’s wearing blue clothes, and no zombie tag in her messy hair. She approaches the bed while rubbing her left eye with her hand, and struggles to climb onto the bed. It’s too tall for her short arms.
“Xiao help.” She whines. Xiao frowns.
“No.”
She slides back down to the floor and pouts at him.
“I’m telling.” She responds, turning and marching back out of the room. She is not a zombie anymore, that much is very obvious. She seems to be familiar with him. Ganyu was as well last night but he cannot remember anything else about her.
Xiao looks down at his hands and there’s a silver ring on his middle finger and a gold ring on his thumb. There’s a black cord wrapped around his wrist. He turns his hands over and there’s markings, tiny nicks and scars and calloused fingertips. Evidence of a life lived. Why doesn’t he have any memory of this place at all, if he has scars and jewelry with obvious meaning?
His memories from His Liyue are foggy and distant, but he holds onto them as best as he can.
“Xiao! Breakfast!”
Xiao startles when he hears his name being called and closes his eyes. He opens them again, and instead of being somewhere else to answer the call- he’s still in bed. No teleportation. No powers.
He hears fast little footsteps run past his door and watches Qiqi run past.
Xiao reluctantly leaves the warmth of the bed to follow after her, rolling his shoulder to get the blood flowing again. The hallway is short, but there’s two other doors at one end and on the other end there’s three more doors and a staircase leading down. It reminds him more and more of the Wangshu Inn, in the colors and decor. He stays on his guard as he goes down the stairs and follows the noise.
There’s a wonderful smell of food cooking and his stomach feels odd. He cautiously looks around the corner into the room where all the commotion is, and quickly takes in the situation.
Ganyu is sitting at a table in the corner, her sleepy eyes fixed on a black tablet in front of her while she eats. There’s still her red horns in her soft blue hair, but she doesn’t radiate the power she once did. Qiqi is pulling herself up to a chair beside her and Ganyu reaches out to help her without taking her eyes off of the tablet. Yanfei is standing at the counter tipping a cooking pan over a plate and surrounded by a mess. She also doesn’t glow with her Adeptus half blood. She turns and Xiao’s eyes widen and he steps back as she sees him.
“Xiao!” She calls, and Xiao flinches. “What are you doing? Stop messing around, I have to get to work.”
Xiao reluctantly steps into the kitchen. He doesn’t say anything and he’s lost on what to do.
“Hurry up!” Yanfei says, taking two plates to the table and setting one down in front of Qiqi. “You were supposed to cook breakfast today, where were you?”
“He was sleeping.” Qiqi says, bringing food to her mouth with her hand and fixing a stare on Xiao.
“They sedated him at the hospital last night.” Ganyu says softly. “He was pretty out of it and was saying some weird things.”
“Oh, well.” Yanfei says, sitting down at the kitchen table. “Did you have an episode?”
Xiao doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He nods, just to answer.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Yanfei says, and she does sound sorry. It feels weird to get sympathy for something. “Come on, just eat. It’s fine, you can make it up later.”
Xiao woodenly approaches the table and sits down. There’s a plate full of food that he can’t name. He never paid attention to mortal food before, other than Almond Tofu. Something in his stomach urges him to eat though, so he picks up the chopsticks and tentatively takes a bite of the thing that looks the most appealing, a dumpling.
Flavor bursts on his tongue as he bites into it, and it's soft and fragrant and delicious . He quickly eats the rest of it, chewing fast. The next one he eats is more hot and burns his tongue slightly but it’s so good he doesn’t care. It’s satisfying when he swallows and the weird feeling in his stomach is satisfied.
Was he hungry? Was this what it was like to be hungry?
He eats the vegetables next and they’re chewy and mild and the onions are tangy and crisp. He eats them all in two motions. Eager for more, he spears a white bun on his chopsticks and lifts it to his mouth. He pauses when he realizes Ganyu, Qiqi and Yanfei are staring at him.
“... I’m hungry.” Xiao says simply, slowly lowering the bun to his mouth.
“Clearly.” Yanfei says. “I can take that as a compliment I suppose.”
Xiao bites into the bun and looks back down at his plate. This one is juicy and savory, almost sweet. He likes this one the best.
“Dad’s not going to be home for another week.” Ganyu says, “He’s decided to go through Watatsumi. That means you have another week at daycare Qiqi.”
“I don’t like it there.” Qiqi says with a pout.
“Oh shit! It’s late.” Yanfei exclaims, shoving a bun into her mouth and getting up from the table. She drops her plate on the counter top and munches through the bun as she goes to gather Qiqi up. Qiqi does the same thing and stuffs a bun into her mouth as she’s carried from the table.
“When’s your first class?” Ganyu asks, finally setting down the tablet. Xiao can see that there’s light and words on it. Odd.
Xiao looks at her and doesn’t know what to say. Ganyu frowns slightly, her eyes taking in his face. He quickly looks away, as if worried if she looks too closely she’d be able to tell he was an interloper here.
“Are you still out of it?” She asks. Xiao nods again, hoping it would be enough of an answer.
“Okay. I can drop you off on my way to work. I know you have morning classes all week. Just check your schedule.” She says. “Go get dressed, we’ll leave in ten.”
Xiao gets up from the table and takes his empty plate, setting it right beside where Yanfei had set hers. He leaves the kitchen and just before he turns to go back to the stairs, he sees a picture on the wall that makes him stop.
He quickly approaches it and takes it down from the wall. It’s a photo of Zhongli, he’s standing behind Ganyu, Yanfei and him. They all look younger. And there’s a woman, a beautiful woman, standing on Zhongli’s left with her hands on Xiao’s shoulders. She has tumbling emerald hair and brown eyes, and she’s smiling so happily.
They all are.
Something weird happens, Xiao’s chest hurts, but unlike the karmic debt it’s ephemeral and insubstantial. He grips the photo frame so hard his knuckles turn white. What does this mean? Was this his new past? Who was the woman? Why did looking at her make him feel bad? He puts the photo down and picks up another one, it’s just the woman standing in a rose garden.
“Xiao?” Ganyu asks, and Xiao turns sharply. He didn’t even hear her approach him. She looks concerned at the wild look in his eyes.
“Who is this?” He asks, his voice hushed. Ganyu’s face falls and she just looks sad.
“That’s mom, do you not remember?” She asks, stepping forward and placing her hand over one of his. He flinches away and looks back down at the picture. He looks back at the shelf and there’s a lot of photos of her, and… an urn. A memorial urn draped with ribbons and the plate at the bottom says Guizhong.
Guizhong.
“I remember.” He says, only because he knows it’ll be bad if he doesn’t. He doesn’t remember a dead woman who’s supposed to be his mother. He feels worse. He parrots the words Ganyu said earlier. “I… I’m out of it.”
“Maybe you should stay home today.” Ganyu says, carefully taking the photo from his grasp. He lets it go. Yanfei comes running down the stairs and they both look up. She’s got Qiqi under her arm like a bundle of wood. They’re both dressed differently.
“We gotta go. I’m late!” Yanfei says, grabbing a satchel from the shelf by the door and leaving.
“I can leave.” Xiao says, pushing past Ganyu and going back up the stairs.
He had to get back to His Liyue.