Chapter Text
Reader: may I sit here?
Price: that’s my lap
Reader:… that doesn’t answer my question
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Reader: Price and I are having a baby!
Gaz: wow, that’s gr—-
Price, slams papers onto table: it’s you, sign here.
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Reader: This sucks! You sure there isn't a way to draw them out somehow?
Soap: short of burning the whole building to the ground, there's not much else we can do.
Reader:
Reader: hmmm…
Price, off in the distance:… something is happening
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Laswell: so….how many kids DO you have?
Price: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
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Ghost, to the task force: alright listen here you little shits
Ghost: not you Soap, you're an angel and i'm glad you're here
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Kidnapper: I have your child
Price: which one I have several?
Kidnapper: the one who won’t shut up about Disneyland
Price: … which one I have several?
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Ghost & Reader: *on a stakeout*
Reader: let’s play 20 questions!
Ghost: ….fine
Reader: what’s your favorite color?
Ghost: ….blue. What’s yours?
Reader: Yellow. Why does Soap call you baby girl?
Ghost: how about we stop talking
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Ghost: *carrying all the groceries*
Soap: *reaches out a hand to help*
Ghost: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold Soap’s hand*
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Graves, to the taskforce: you wouldn’t last a minute in my shoes!
Reader: You wouldn’t last a minute inside a woman
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Gaz: I sleep with a knife under my pillow
Ghost: why?
Reader: same reason Soap sleeps with you
Soap, nodding: self defense
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Price, hears a commotion in the kitchen: what’s going on in there?
Soap: *begging & pleading*
Gaz: Soap put her on top of the fridge so now she’s reading his diary out loud.
Reader: it was October 3rd when he asked me —-
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Soap, worried: well Does anyone know where she went?
Ghost: yeah mate, hang tight.
Ghost, speaking into the comms: Gaz, you are a bloody fucking idiot, worthless prick -
*explosion off in the distance* *children crying*
Reader, sliding around a corner: YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH ABOUT MY SON
Ghost: found ‘er
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Ghost, noticing two people doing something illegal: look at those idiots
Soap: SCOTLAND FOREVERRR *cue the bagpipes and gunfire*
Ghost: bloody hell those are my idiots
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Gaz: hey can you do me a favor?
Reader, building a bomb: I would kill for you but go on
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Reader: that bastard better not -
Price, pointing at Gaz: Hey! Watch your language in front of the baby
Reader: oh fuck, sorry
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Reader: hey soap, - stop screaming it’s me - do you wanna go put sugar in Graves gas tank?
Ghost: hey kid, get the fuck out
Soap: IM IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX
Reader: okay, my bad I’ll go get Gaz instead
Soap: no wait lemme get dressed
Ghost: 😑