Chapter Text
When Childe arrived in Sumeru after 10 hours of boat traveling, his stomach was twisting with the constant movement of boat. He always loved boat travels but that was his first long sea travel ever. Liyue to Inazuma travels weren’t that painful like this, it only takes 3 hours, nothing that he can’t handle. If he has to come back to Inazuma after this, he will go Liyue and take the boat to Inazuma.
Childe finally managed to finish his 'job' in Inazuma after months, now all he needed was to see Il Dottore who will receive his report. He didn’t understand why he just doesn’t go back to Snezhnaya or why one of Dottore’s segments don’t come to Inazuma to receive his report. He was kind of glad that he didn’t have to go back to Snezhnaya though, he needed to see Dottore for something.
He has trouble with sleeping, it’s nothing new, he is suffering from this since he was 14. Dottore also knows, he used to give him some potion that makes him sleep without any dreams. Childe only hopes he has it with him or he can make it for him there, if only he accepts though, that was also questionable.
Fatui already set him up a nice condo when he let them know that he is coming to Sumeru, it is in the center of the city and close to everywhere he would like to go later. It’s not that big but since he will stay alone, a big place would be nothing but a waste.
The condo was looking warm despite being so minimalistic. He got his little bag and started to unpack his clothes, even though he was not going to stay too much, he never liked staying like he is on a runaway despite what he should be since his missions and his job.
Childe always brings his photograph album with him, his pictures with his siblings, pictures he took from Snezhnaya… Some photographs look like taken its taken accidentally like his bed sheets -why was he trying to take a picture in bed, he doesn’t know- but it makes him feel something. He never forgets to bring them with him no matter where he goes. These pictures were the medicine for his home sickness every time he leaves Snezhnaya for a mission.
But there is one more picture that he never remembered where he took it. He is alone in this picture and smiling widely, his head leaning into the air, almost like leaning to someone. He doesn’t remember why he took this picture by himself and why he is bringing him. It’s not like he likes to take pictures of himself, it’s always with someone or just someone else. He trusts his gut feeling though, if his sixth sense says it’s important to bring this around, then it’s important.
He looked at to picture closely, it’s almost a thing now, everytime he pulls out this picture, he just stares, like trying to find a missing piece. He is not sure if there is something missing, he doesn’t know where this thought coming from maybe it’s just a gut feeling but he knows there is something wrong with this picture. It’s making him feel something, maybe not just something, too many somethings. It makes him feel relaxed almost like feeling peace but on the other side he feels rage, guilt… grief. How can a picture of himself makes him feel so many things at the same time? He never liked to look at himself, he always hated mirrors, they make him sick, but this picture… he just can’t stop staring at it. Childe took a deep breath and closed his eyes to clear his thoughts and emotions which makes him feel uneasy and put the picture on the cabinet with the others.
After being in Inazuma for a long time, he knows Sumeru going to be something like a vacation for him. Inazuma wasn’t that bad if he is being honest, he met so many people, and made many new friends and mutual connections, he doesn’t regret being in that place at all, even though Inazuma people hate Fatui. He hopes for the same for Sumeru.
Sumeru was a beautiful place, the city is lively, and he could hear the music on every street. This is the place I want to live when I’m old. He always degrees all places he went for a mission on this, would I live here when I’m retired? Sumeru was this place, the place that he wants to be. Snezhnaya was his home for sure but Childe always looked for a change in his life and living in Snezhanya for years is not a change, it was the opposite.
Childe stopped at a street vendor who sells traditional Sumeru food, it was the best part of his job. Trying out new food was his favorite part, he can’t count how many dishes he tried in Liyue and Inazuma, he hated some of them, he loved some of them so much, he begged for a recipe to make it for his family or just himself. … He felt that stingy emotion again, doesn’t matter.
After strolling around the city and asking the people for directions, he finally found the Grand Bazaar that everyone talks about. When he entered through the door he smelled that beautiful aroma of different types of spices and hear the instruments. People were dancing in the middle of the Bazaar, he was so glad he didn’t have a mission like in Liyue. If Pierro missioned him to destroy this place he would be sad. Heh.
Childe saw a Snezhnayan merchant, whom he immediately recognized from his clothes. He was about to go and say hi but also he couldn’t guarantee the chance that he would also recognize him as a Harbinger. He didn’t want to be hated by the city yet, he wanted to have fun and relax first so he quickened his steps while passed him away in silence.
There was a redhead girl who was dancing with all the people, he was mesmerized. Childe always loved dancing, whether dancing on his own or just watching but that was art. She danced like the flow of the water, it must be a gift from the gods. She was smiling and giggling, she must really love dancing. Not a second passed he spotted a hydro vision just like himself, yeah, it was a gift from the gods. Her talent or the vision? He is not sure too. He let himself watch everyone for a few minutes before strolling other vendors.
This place made his head spin, movement was everywhere just like how he always craved. When he arrived at Liyue, that city also made itself fall in love with him too but not as much as Sumeru. This city was almost magical and magnetic like something ties him to it. He bought some souvenirs, not too much though since he will stay for a few weeks, he didn’t want to finish all that he will do on the first day.
When instruments started to slow down he realized it is getting late so he let himself leave the Bazaar and maybe find a place to drink something before going back to his room. He knew a certain coffee is pretty popular here so he decided to give it a shot. Without asking for directions he managed to find the place, proud of himself. He spotted a fine corner and ordered his coffee, on the next table there were a couple of friends, looking like students of Akademiya, arguing about who is going to take the bill. He listened to their bickering until his coffee arrived and one of the guys who won the arguing and taking the whole bill.
Coffee was kind of bitter, not much as he is used to and it was served in a little cup also not what he is used to. It was not almost to his liking, maybe drinking more after make him get used to it just like the other coffees that used to drink? He drank all until he tasted coffee grounds on his tongue that made him “eek”.
“Hehe, you are not supposed to drink end of it, boy.”
A woman from the other table spoke to him, calling him ‘boy’. He gulped down to make a nasty comment. “Haha, I didn’t know, I’m not from here.”
“Heh, figures. Now put the coffee plate on the top of the cup, yeah just like that, now spin it 7 times. Okay, now turn it around without spilling it.” He spilled a few drops onto his clothes. “It’s okay, no one can do it on their first time.”
Childe didn’t understand why obeyed so easily and why did he even do it. “What is this for?”
The woman stood up from her table and came closer to Childe’s table. She took the ring from her finger and put it on the back of the cup that Childe turned. “You look interesting boy.. Let it cold down a bit, I’ll read your cup after.” Childe still didn’t understand anything, maybe he needed to research Sumeru culture a bit more because he never heard something like it. The woman disappeared back to her table and didn’t pay any attention back to him. Childe stared at the cup, it was turned upside down now with the ring on the top of it. He quickly made the connection, ring was for to make it cold down faster? Probably?
Minutes passed, Childe forgot about the cup thing for a while when he lost himself listening to the storyteller. He actually didn’t understand or pay any attention to the man, he was just thinking while listening to the man’s soothing voice talking who knows what. The woman appeared suddenly beside him and took the seat next to him without saying anything.
“Are you ready for what will your heart tell you, boy?”
“Ma’am-”
“I’ll take it as a yes, tell me your name before I open your cup and your desires.”
“...Ajax.” He couldn’t stand a chance to give his Fatui name. Both Childe and Tartaglia have well-known around the Teyvat.
“What a beautiful name, Ajax.” The woman smiled at him and put her ring back that she left on the top of the cup. She carefully split the cup and the cup plate and turned it to herself. Her face was thoughtful, she didn’t speak for a while, she was investigating little porcelain on every other side, sometimes frowning, sometimes little smile on her face.
“My my, what an eventful life you have. You must working for a really exciting job huh? You almost don’t have a day without action.” Childe smiled, maybe she knows his identity, but doesn’t matter for now. “Hmm, you must be someone respected, you have a great future ahead boy. Full of surprises and successes, but also failures there and there but what is success without failure, am I right?
Childe simply nodded, so that was supposed to be fortune telling? He could just look at the cup and say those sweet things too, as long as it makes the other person happy they will believe. That was just full of shit, but simply he politely nodded instead of saying such things and kept listening to the woman.
“Tell me Ajax, who are you longing for?” Childe was just about to answer. “Except your family.”
Who was he longing for? Except for his family? “Uhh, no one? Only my family but how did you-”
“That person that you are waiting for is so close to you now, but also so far at the same time. Hmm, I’ve never seen something like this before… Hold on, something is missing.”
The last part caught Childe’s attention. He still doesn’t understand what is happening right now but just a word made him shiver. Missing. This is exactly what he feels. He decided not to make a comment before revealing something on accident and he let her talk.
“The person that I’m talking about, it’s kind of weird, I can’t see anything about them but I know there is someone there…” The woman was frowning now and let the cup close to her eyes, her nose was almost going to touch to cup.
“Ma’am may I ask.. what is this for? Like what are you doing right now?”
Woman sighed. “This is cup reading, Sumeru people believe the gods send us signs with the cups that we pour our heart. Cup never lies, the cup can show your past, your future, and your present. And this is exactly what I am doing now but your cup is… let’s just say interesting and confusing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Some signs connect with each other, this is how you get the whole meaning of the signs. But here, there are some signs but some parts are missing. For example, as I said, you are longing for someone but that someone’s signs don’t exist. Like that someone doesn’t exist.”
That made Childe’s stomach turn. Not existing. Why this feeling is so similar and why he is feeling the same thing when every time he looks at that photograph? Missing. Something is missing, or someone is missing. “When you said not existing.. do you mean they died whoever that is?” He didn’t want to ask this question at all, it just slipped.
The woman gave him a thoughtful look, looks like she doesn’t know the answer or trying to figure out something, he figured because she didn’t talk for two whole minutes. “Not like that… Like not exist, never existed. Never born into this world. Can you die if you never lived?”
Childe was feeling sick, almost about to puke. He is feeling again, feeling too many things at the same time, he can feel his skin tingling with rage with sadness with all the negative emotions that he doesn’t even know their name. Where are those feelings coming from, how can someone make him feel sad if simply they never existed? Woman is right, he is longing for someone, someone that he never felt warmness, someone never felt by his side. But something is wrong, something is not making up in this. You can’t long for someone if you don’t know them or if they simply didn’t exist.
Woman ignored or didn’t see the uncomfortable face that Childe is wearing. “I can feel the wind and the electricity in your cup, any chance of you having an Anemo or Electro vision?”
“Heh.. You are wrong there.” When she was wrong finally, Childe felt himself relieved. It was sort of bullshit anyway. He tapped his hydro vision. Woman’s eyebrow high up to rise. “Interesting.. You surprise me boy.” The woman got back to focusing on the cup.
“Grief… I can feel the grief and the rage. Betrayal. A funeral. Nine people, a coffin made of ice-”
Childe stopped listening, nope, no fucking way. He was locked on in his body, unable to move. He can clearly understand the woman was describing nothing than Rosalyne’s funeral. If he wasn’t believing cup reading a moment ago, now he is believing with his whole heart and it is too much. He doesn’t want to go with this again, he doesn’t want to see her leaving again. One is enough for his shattered heart.
“Enough.”
Woman understood when she saw the cloudy gaze on Ajax’s deepless blue eyes. He was looking at the same spot, not moving like when he is going to move he will fall apart to the floor. “Go to your home, come back when you are ready.”
Childe didn’t need to hear it twice, he left the mora on the table probably too much than the coffee costs but he clearly didn’t give a fuck, he just wanted to get out of there. He ran to the door and let the chill wind brush his face. He took a breath as deep as he can and hold it. One, two, three, release. He repeats his action seven more times until he can breathe properly. Slowly he can feel his mind at ease and let the thunderclouds leave his foggy mind. He took some experimental steps to check if he is walking properly or if he is in a trance, but he was okay. But there was one problem. He is being watched.
Fatui training is not only for fighting. When he got out of the Abyss he only knew how to fight. But Fatui teaches how to fight, how to defend, and most importantly, how to sense the danger. When he got accepted into Tsaritsa’s army as a soldier he always underestimated everything but fighting skills but now he understands his mentor one more time. He can hear the lieutenant saying “you have to have eyes on your back of your head” and this is what he does. Any kind of look from other people he can sense, this skill someone makes him obsessed with that voice in his head, “someone looked at me, someone knows who I am” But now he is %100 sure he is being watched without no doubt. He is sure whoever is behind him and probably looking from the upper side of Sumeru. He checked quickly if there is a glass or any kind of material that can work like a mirror but he wasn’t lucky. Childe and acted like he was about to tie his shoes but the moment he moved, the sense was also gone too. That person is not looking at him anymore.
He simply turned his back to the spot he has been guessing that person could be but there was nothing. That stranger was either too fast or he started to make up things in his head and the second idea made more sense since the state was in just a few minutes ago. Thoughts and emotions often confuse ginger’s mind, not like he is not feeling anything, he is just not that used to feeling too much.
Childe went back to strolling and took the long way to his new ‘home’. He didn’t feel like walking, he wanted a comfortable bed to sleep in as soon as he can but the thoughts didn’t leave him that quickly, he needed to be sure that he is not being followed or anything. Luckily he didn’t see anyone again, maybe his demons beat him this time.
He took the keys out of his pocket and entered the condo he will live for a couple weeks. He made himself fall to the bed, it was comfortable even though he forgot to try it out when he received the room. No matter how we don’t want to look, his eyes found the photograph that only him and the Snezhnayan view only. He stared and stared.
Something is terribly wrong.
—------
The sun’s warmth on his face made Childe wake up from his dreams. The dream was just like the others, he was spending time with a faceless man, shorter than him. Dreams always have the same ending, he tries to reach him, face him and he wakes up without not being able to see his face. When he started to see this dream, he was curious because seeing the same dream every night was suspicious enough but in the end, he realized this is a dead end, maybe it was a play that his Abyss corrupted mind that it's playing with.
He is not exactly sure when this dream started, funny enough, every time he sees that man in his dreams he feels, just like how he felt when the woman read his cup or when he looked at the same photograph. Deep down he knows, he sure knows this has to be connected, he knows he is not being delusional or overthinking, but at the same time, he is scared of digging this. Why? Fear of the unknown. This is what his superior Dottore said. Humans fear the unknown. He is not like other humans for sure, but no matter how strong is he or how corrupted is he, he is still nothing but a mere human. This thought humbled him somehow.
He took a quick shower before leaving his temporary home, he wanted nothing but a good breakfast. He is not sure when Dottore will arrive in Sumeru nor he doesn’t even know if he is in Sumeru now. He was supposed to talk to a soldier but he was too caught up with the city; well what he can do? Clothes were back on, he took a glance at to mirror, at least he was looking like he slept well now.
Insturments were already on when he stepped on the street, he can’t ever get enough from this city. Everyone was lively just like the other day, street vendors were attracting costumers so he sat in the first place. He trusted the man who took his order for his breakfast and waited for his order.
“Childe??!”
He knows this scratchy and unnecessary loud voice. But he wasn’t waiting for it anywhere but here.
“Oh, Paimon and Traveler! It’s so nice to see you here, take a seat?”
Traveler looks constipated like how every time he sees Childe, but this time something was different on their face and Childe didn’t expect them to wave at him and sat at his table.
“Childe, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Their look was calculated and looking for something on his face suspiciously no matter how they tried to not to look like it.
“If you want me to be honest, I didn’t expect to see you here too, how is your life been?”
Traveler rambled about things, their awful commissions they take from everywhere and why someone would commission someone to water their flowers, Childe didn’t understand a thing, then don’t do it? Looks like he is missing something there but he also didn’t care that much.
“Your turn, what are you doing here Childe?”
“Stop looking at me like that, do I cause trouble every time you see me?”
Traveler shrugged. Maybe they were right. “I just need to deliver some reports to my superiors and maybe I’ll stay here for a while, I love this city already.”
“What reports?”
“My my Traveler, someone’s curious huh? If you are that curious why don’t you join Fatui hm?” Traveler rolled their eyes at Childe’s answer. Two can play this game. Seems like one of his coworkers is pissed off Traveler since they are asking too many questions.
Childe’s only mission is to be polite, always. That’s how he learned since he is just a kid, be polite and be nice. Even though sometimes Traveler push their limits he never broke his politeness, even when he tried to kill them or that’s how he thinks. He still didn’t break his politeness when Traveler and Paimon exchanged glances, looking like “you ask” “no you ask”
“Just tell me what’s going on? Do you need help with something, mora, beat up someone, or anything?”
That caught Traveler their guard down.
“Why were you in Inazuma?”
“Why are you asking? And weren’t you already there, we already talked about this.”
Traveler and Paimon exchanged glances one last time, don’t they remember? It hasn’t been that long time since they saw each other.
“Childe just answer, I promise that was my last question.”
So did they forget after they talked when they left that domain?
“I was there to bring Rosa- La Signora’s belongings to home, Snezhnaya. That was only my mission, now you answer me. Why are you asking this?”
Traveler can not hide their emotions very well and that relieved sigh was too obvious to miss. Childe had so many questions, what are these questions’ purpose and why they were relieved when they heard he was there for Rosalyne?
“I just needed to confirm something, that’s it.”
“Traveler you are talking in loops, be clear to me.”
“A mess happened in Inazuma, I just needed to confirm if it was you or not.” Lie. An obvious lie with the poorly chosen words.
“Traveler.”
Traveler got up from the table when they heard that dangerous voice. “Enjoy the city and don’t cause trouble. I’m around here for a while too so… see you later?”
Childe was about to tell them to answer their questions but Traveler was faster than him this time, he lost sight of them with their little companion. He was about to go and look for them if his food didn’t serve yet, he could feel his stomach grumbling already, so he decided to let them go. They said they will be in the city anyway, their paths will cross somehow.
Breakfast was amazing, Sumeru cuisine was just for his taste, he didn’t expect less anyway. The restaurant gave him a free tea right after his breakfast that he didn’t even ask about, but he could feel the tea made him, even more, warmer inside. Childe wanted to stay here more and let the city wherever to take him but he came here for his duties and he already cut some slack just yesterday, maybe it was time to go back.
Childe knew few Fatui recuiments is here and he can swear he saw one of them on the street. Just he took the turn of the Adventure’s Guild -he didn’t forget to wave at Kathryne- he saw Viktor, Rosalyne’s old assistant. Viktor already spotted Childe and was about to bow but Childe stopped him.
“L-Lord Tarta-”
“Hey there Viktor, I was just looking for you, keep your voice down hm?”
Viktor apologetically looked to Childe and glanced away once he saw Childe’s deep blue eyes. Childe led him to one of the backstreets where no one can hear their private conversations, he can also feel Viktor shaking.
“Are you working under Dottore now?”
“No my Lord. I’m not working under any Harbingers now, well I’m technically working for Lord Pulcinella but n-not as I used to work for Lady Signora.”
Mention of Signora made his heart jump.
“So Pulcinella is here?”
“No my Lord. Our Lord is not in Sumeru and I don’t know where he is, to be honest… I don’t have any recognition anymore so I don’t know what is going on. But I believe Lord Dottore should be in Akademiya, as far as I know- forgive my Lord, I might be wrong.” Viktor’s last words were extremely shaky, he was clearly scared of Childe. Who wouldn’t be scared of Childe if they know his reputation in Fatui anyway?
Tartaglia gave Viktor a reassuring back pat. “Got it, go back to your work and don’t refer to me as your lord in public again. That counts as bowing in front of anyone.” Tartaglia’s smile was sincere but his voice was overwhelming as always. Viktor gave him the last bow without saying a word, not sure if he has done it right then ran away.
Childe took his way to Akademiya, he is not sure where is the entrance but he trusts his way senses. Childe also not that hopeful of finding Dottore in Akademiya, it would be such a bizarre place for him for certain reasons. Once he heard some rumors about Dottore and Akademiya but they were just rumors after all, that’s what he wanted to say, but also Dottore being kicked out of Akademiya for inappropriate behaviours also doesn’t seem impossible at all.
His trip took Akademiya looked short but taking those stairs was hell. Fortunately, somehow he found the main entrance. Childe’s heart starts to beat even faster, he reasons with taking too many stairs and walking but he feels like he is close to something. He brushed off his thoughts like he always does and found the receptionist of Akademiya.
“Hello, my name is Sitt. Welcome to Akademiya. For more information on Amurta , press one. For more information on Rtawahist , press two. For more information on Spantamad , press three... To speak to a human service officer, press zero.”
“...Are you a robot?” Sitt the receptionist looked pretty offended by Childe’s comment.
“No.”
“...Zero.”
Sitt was glaring directly at Childe now… no, she wasn’t looking offended, she was offended.
“How may I assist you?”
Childe didn’t know how he will ask about Dottore, especially higher ranks’ privacy mattered so does Dottore’s. Instead of talking through it he took his vision to his hand and showed the back side of it. His delusion with its Fatui mark. Sitt looked like she understood the situation.
“Take the elevator inside of the Akademiya, it will take you to the Master. Thank you for your love and support for the Akademiya. Goodbye.” She finished the conversation with a glare, looks like being Fatui can’t scare all people.
Tartaglia found the elevator easily without getting distracted by the beauty of Akademiya. Now wasn’t the right time for this even though how much he wanted to take a look at this place and maybe take a stroll and socialize with other people.
The elevator led him to a big office, he can hear some voices and clearly one of them was Dottore’s. The voice of him was collected and calm, he is sure he hears this voice so rarely, he heard this voice maybe two times since he became a Harbinger. Whatever happening here, must be important, he thought.
His presence got noticed really quickly, Dottore welcomed the youngest Harbinger, other three people whom Tartaglia has no idea who are they just stared, they weren’t like they want to talk anyway, the opposite they were about to shit their pants.
“My dear sages, let me introduce you to our youngest Harbinger, Tartaglia. Don’t let his pretty face fool you, he is quite eager for a challenge and… cause trouble.”
One of the people that he doesn’t know, seems to be one of the sages of Akademiya glanced at Tartaglia like he is about to spit on his face. “We know about him.”
“Hehe, of course, you know about him. His story of success in Liyue is still getting told everywhere right?”
“S-success?! He destroyed that city.” Sage’s scream was weak but sure nothing but scared. Whatever Dottore is doing is working.
Tartaglia rolled his eyes. Not this shit again. “No, I didn’t destroy shit. Ask Geo Archon himself, he was actually quite grateful for my presence in Liyue.” He was about to add more but he stopped himself.
Dottore looked at him, well not exactly looking because of his mask but he can feel he is looking with nothing but a “are you serious?” look.
“Tartaglia is one of the most loyal soldiers of Fatui. He never asks, he never questions. And for his success he is ready to do anything, I believe you three can understand it with these stories since you are so smarter than other people. He quite likes to stir things too, inside and out.” Dottore smiled. “Hmm, what is this look? You don’t understand? Let me be clear then. One more word again and this young man will destroy your beautiful city just like Liyue. Maybe kill your little Archon too? No no, that would be nothing but a gift for you… So… do what is been told to you. You’ve been exiled to Avidya Forest and no, I won’t be the one who will help you. Understood? Now, my youngest is waiting for my presence, no need to keep him waiting, right?”
Dottore pulled his arm and dragged him to the elevator, he looked bored already. And Tartaglia was kind of surprised? The way Dottore literally showed him off for the first time flattered his ego very much. Also humbled when he talked to him about like a dog. They got out of the elevator without no talking since now they don’t have to act anymore, Tartaglia just walked two steps behind Dottore out of respect and wondering wherever he is taking him.
They got into a building that was pretty close to the future Northland Bank Sumeru and Tartaglia bowed to Dottore when they were finally alone. He wouldn’t do it if it’s one of Dottore’s synthetics but he is pretty sure it’s the real Dottore. The second Harbinger.
“Lord Dottore.”
“Tartaglia. I didn’t think you would arrive so early since you are always late.”
“My lord, as soon as I received your letter I left Inazuma.”
Dottore pointed the chair to where Tartaglia will sit. “Inazuma was that boring huh? Tell me what’s going on there? Anything to mention?”
Tartaglia started to tell all the honorable mentions -which there weren’t many- in Inazuma that happened after Rosalyne’s death. There was nothing, times that he spent for nothing, no goal, no success, only investigating for nothing.
“I don’t even understand why you all sent me there, what changes that you expect in Inazuma? Or, what are you expecting from Inazuma now? Rosalyne already brought the Gnosis home.”
“Now are you asking just because I told those useless sages that you don’t issue your own orders?”
“I’m merely asking, Dottore. Also what was that all about?” Tartaglia frowned, his curiosity beat him this time.
“This should be none of your concern.” He didn’t expect an answer anyway. Dottore’s face was questioning Tartaglia now. “Something is troubling you.”
“I thought we agreed on this mind-reading thing.”
Dottore laughed. “When you say we I’m not sure which we you are talking about, but as now we , we didn’t agree on anything.”
Tartaglia’s face lightened up. He doesn’t want to mention dreams. “Aha! I remembered it! One of your segments was supposed to come to Inazuma, why did you even call me to Sumeru? Am I really gonna do something to here?” Please say no.
Dottore remained silent, Tartaglia didn’t need to see his face but he knows his face fell. “Next question. And no.” Thank god. He didn’t need to learn Dottore’s excuse why he called him to Sumeru now. He thought about his next question for a minute in the company of silence.
“Do you still have those potions when you used to give me when I was recruitment? You know.. the ones that didn’t make me dream.”
Dottore turned to Tartaglia suddenly. “Abyss troubling you?”
“No. Yes. No? I’m not sure? I’m just having weird dreams lately-”
“What kind of weird dreams?”
“It’s just weird. As in weird I don’t wanna see it.”
“No explanation no potion. I gave you those potions because those dreams were making you sick and unable to work. But you look alright, so no. Any more questions?”
Childe pouted after the refusal of his request. It’s a dead end, when Dottore says no, it’s a no. He decided not to push further. “I’m going to stay here for a few weeks if you don’t have any further obligations?”
“Do as you will for now, don’t be late though, may we see each other at home, Tartaglia.”
—-
A week and two days passed by after meeting Dottore. The second Harbinger left for home, to Snezhnaya, right after a day from their last meeting. He didn’t get any answers that he wanted, he is still not sure why he is here and why was he in Inazuma for a long time. Harbingers are always mysterious, there is nothing to do.
He was kind of aimless now, he has been wandering around the streets, trying every kind of food, buying souvenirs for his family and… looking for something . Something that he still didn’t figure out, or why he is even looking. How can one look for a thing if they don’t even know what are they looking for? He was feeling lost again.
Woman in the coffee shop said “Come back when you are ready” that night. Is he ready? Does he actually believe this is even accurate? Childe is not one that believes in mystical beliefs, if he sees it, it’s real, if he doesn’t see it, then it is not real, or that’s what he used to think about. But many things that woman mentioned made him question his own truths and her mentioning Rosalyne’s funeral was the last drop. That funeral was only between 9 people, if she mentioned the public funeral that has been made for Snezhnayan people he wouldn’t mind at all, he’d just think she heard it from somewhere and trying to make Childe believe that she knows everything. But that one was too specific, almost dangerous.
Curiosity beat him one more time, it was a demon that Childe needs to work on, it is the demon that Childe keeps falling into its tricks, he realized it when he found himself in the coffee shop, looking for that certain woman. Luckily enough, the woman looked like she is also looking for him, sitting at the same table and looking right through him. She merely raised her hand and pointed to the chair next to her. Childe didn’t need to think twice, he sat on the chair.
“Took you long enough. No need to exchange pleasantries, shall we continue?”
Childe only nodded, doesn’t know what he going to say, so he shut his mouth. The woman took the cup behind the bar, she kept it for him.
“So where we left? From the look on your face, you don’t want to talk about the funeral huh? Oh well, I might skip it to another day. Let’s see, oh my, what a life you have… Your job is quite fun, isn’t it?”
Childe chuckled. “Depends on what you call fun.”
“Hehe, this cup shows your feelings only, if you say it’s fun, the cup says fun. Well, let’s see… You had a long way to come to this position, didn’t you? Your hard work is paying off and you will see the outcomes of this soon. Maybe praise, maybe an award? Who knows?”
Childe remembered his meeting with Dottore today, she was right once again. It’s not that easy to get attention from the higher ranks or sometimes he is not even able to talk to them. To him, Dottore showing him off to sages maybe was a tactical move to scare them off but he felt that he was sincere. This feeling made his stomach warm.
The woman turned the cup to another side to take a look from the other perspective. “This complicated signs again ugh, well okay, I know this is confusing but this person that I’m talking about is either you know someone before or someone you’ve never met or… both.” Woman murmured something to herself, her face was unreadable.
Childe was extremely confused. That didn’t make sense and he was losing his beliefs rapidly. “How can there be someone that I know before also I’ve never met? Are you sure you know this ‘cup reading’ well?”
Woman was clearly offended. “Look boy, I do this job for years and I’m also doing this for free to you because I find you interesting. This is also something that I’ve never seen before… Like person exists, but also not exists. You know him well for years, but also you’ve never met him… Strange, so strange.” Her last words didn’t mean to come out of her mouth, she was talking to herself but Childe already heard it and the thoughts slowly conquered him.
“This person is in your past and your present. But as long as you don’t look… they are in none of them, like it never happened. This is what makes it so confusing.”
Childe did his research about this cup reading in the week he spent in Sumeru. There is no clear information anywhere because it is something that you can not learn from the book, it is passed by the generations teaching younger generations who have the talent. All he gathered is, you pour your heart into the remains and let the known person read it. He couldn’t get any information further than this.
“Will I find this person?”
She eyed Childe for a second and got back to the cup, there was an uncomfortable silence for exactly 2 minutes and 12 seconds. “Yes.”
That’s all he had to know.
—--
It’s been a few days since he got to talk to that woman. After she answered his question Childe had already lost his interest, she talked about something else, probably job related, but he didn’t quite listen. Even though she asked for no money, Childe gave him a good amount of mora for answering his questions and her patience.
He was sitting on his couch now, processing all the things that he heard from her. He knows this person but also he never met this person. “ What happened between you two?” that’s what she said when she talked about them for the first time. Childe doesn’t know if he should take this as negatively or positively. Probably negatively.
He is longing for this person, that woman didn’t have to say that, Childe knew it already. He is missing someone for some time but now he got the chance to name his emotions. There is something that feels empty inside, doesn’t know how to fill it, what to fill it, or with who to fill it.
He could think more if his attention span wasn’t shorter than 5 minutes and his itching to fight wasn’t exactly helping him with thinking. It was almost sunset and he heard some treasure hoarders was hoarding around the city when it’s night. He wondered if he could make them spar with him.
He suddenly found himself outside of the city, it was a quick decision, when it’s about fight it’s always a quick decision, there is no need to think. He has been good for more than a week anyway which is a record for him. This city has soothed his soul but magic always ends at some point and he is at that point.
Childe knows he won’t find a promising opponent, probably they’ll fall down with only one blow. If he can find at least 40 treasure hoarders, maybe it would be kind of challenging for him, almost. But it won’t hurt to try his luck, life is always full of surprises, you’ll never know what will happen.
As he walked he could feel the fresh air in his lungs even more. Sun was already down, the forest was dark but also comforting to him despite being scary to some people. He strolled down more, he spotted a river and made a note of it, he could fish here tomorrow. Childe already saw someone who sells fishing gear in the city, he needed to buy it since he forgot his fishing gear in Inazuma. He walked more while he notes it.
“You were looking for trouble. No one to blame but yourselves.”
The voice startled Childe, it was coming from his left. He quickly got down and hide behind a tree and trying to look for the source of the voice.
What he saw was unbelievable.
There were 6 Fatui vanguards lying down unconscious and a short man, probably around his early 20’s talking to them… passive aggressively. Did he beat them down? He checked the close surroundings if there is another person who helped him, but there was no one. If Childe saw this man on the street, he wouldn’t say he is a fighter type or a worthy opponent, he was looking so fragile from behind… Who was that?
Stranger doesn’t seem to look like he is from Sumeru, he looks more like he is an Inazuman. From what he sees from the back of the outfit, he is wearing a kimono and Childe is pretty sure this is what Inazuma people wear, he trusts his knowledge after living there for months. Stranger also has a big hat, that almost reminds him of something he is not sure where that came from but he has this weird urge to steal his hat and wear it just to annoy him. Childe likes to jokingly annoy people if he finds them close but it is the first time that he wanted to do someone that he didn’t meet yet. Or didn’t even see his face.
Vanguards seemed alive, he concluded when he saw their heavy breathing. One of their head was bleeding, how did that stranger even make it to his head with that short height? Vanguard was almost three of the mysterious stranger’s size, he couldn’t punch his head even if he jumped. Childe can not spot a vision yet, stranger's back was turned to him. He was sure that he had a vision, there was no way he can’t beat them without another power, especially with that weak-looking fragile body.
Tartaglia’s blood boiled with the itching for fighting, he wanted to get up and test the stranger's skills, maybe he could bring him home for the Fatui since he is that strong. But he also was curious about what he would do next if he didn’t get involved, will he kill them? Will he steal vanguards’ mora? What he will do?
“Next time you are looking for directions… I suggest you find your own way.” His voice was too startling for someone who is that short.
Stranger started to walk, nope, Childe is not letting him get away. He quickly got out of his hiding spot and started to walk faster but this only led the short one to notice him as expected. Stranger didn’t turn his head completely, he couldn’t see his face but Childe could feel his eyes widen. Unexpectedly, the stranger ran away to the forest really quickly and Childe was just behind him. Why is he even running away, why the stranger didn’t fight with him just like how he did with the vanguards? Trees were thick and a lot in the forest, he lost the stranger's trace in mere seconds, just a second before he was about to hit a tree while running.
Childe had to make a choice, will he go after the stranger or help the vanguards? He wasn’t sure if they were bleeding and if they were that wouldn’t end well for them, they probably will lose their life due to blood loss if it is fatal. He is not going to let his man die, he buried that itching to fight for some other time and got back to his man that needs their superior.
Vanguards’ camp wasn’t that far away, they got some broken bones and bleeding that is not fatal which made Childe relieved but certainly they needed a medic that is not him, he sucked at that. When the soldiers got to themselves he learned that stranger has an anemo vision and is stronger than he looks. That’s it. And the reason why they got beat up was they asked the way for an inn, Childe knows what that means, Vanguards was always extremely aggressive and they didn’t just ‘ask’ as they said. Childe stopped counting after he heard 5th apologize to him for letting a small man beat them up, somehow this seemed familiar for more than one reason. He could name one but not the second, maybe later.
After this he had to go back to the city to send Vanguards medics, it was pretty late already so he had to wake Viktor up from his sleep, he had no choice even though he hates to do it to his man because he well knows how annoying that is, his just a recruit days are not that far away.
When he saw medics were on their way to soldiers he decided to back home, it was enough action for today. When he settled in his comfortable double-sized bed of course he couldn’t sleep immediately, he was planning how he will find that stranger. Childe was frustrated of he wasn’t able to see his face, he never forgets faces but he made a great note of his outfit. He is kind of sure he won’t see him in the city, but even if he did he would in these two weeks and would recognize him anyway. Stranger’s clothes weren’t suitable for desert so he scratched that and decided to check the villages around tomorrow.
Pulcinella once said, never judge someone’s strength by their looks, he kept doing that to this age. Fighting with Traveler humbled him, they were also looking fragile and weak, just like that stranger but they beat his ass very well.
He just beat some vanguards, his inner voice said, he knows, but also a weak voice inside his head that was almost so weak that he couldn’t hear it says there is far more to that stranger than meets the eye. These thoughts that he doesn’t know where it’s coming from were overwhelming him, can your inner voice know something that you don’t? Your inner voice is your voice after all, if you know something, your inner voice knows it too and if you don’t know something, your inner voice is also ignorant of it. You know that’s not right. He is aware.
—----
Childe didn’t expect to finally see that person’s face in his dream tonight.
In his dream he was in Inazuma, it was different this time. He saw Traveler and talked about him and his whereabouts, he didn’t hear any names or he simply doesn’t remember it but for some reason his ‘relationship’ with that dream person was different, it was almost desperate. In his previous dreams they were bickering, arguing, sometimes fighting and sparring but he never felt any kind of hostility towards him. In his dream right after he talked to Traveler he magically found him in front of him, his back turned to him as always. Childe almost knew that he was in a dream but that didn’t stop him to hold that person's shoulder and make him face him, clearly he didn’t expect it to work.
He was… beautiful… ethereal. This is not a face that his brain can just create, he doesn’t have that imagination. He had gorgeous indigo eyes, looking directly at him, looking surprised just like Childe. His hair was indigo, just a bit darker than his eyes, looking so smooth and Childe never felt this strong urge to touch someone's hair and run through from his fingers. Why this feels so natural? No, Childe simply never felt this way, all of these emotions were new.
Emotions were new but this face doesn’t. He knows this face, he saw this face before, he can swear on it with his whole life, he knows. But the moment he realized it, he opened his eyes in his bed.
When he woke up he already forgot most of his dream, this is what dreams are for anyway. You see a dream, the dream makes your life miserable or you feel the happiness that you can’t ever feel in real life but as soon as you wake up, you forget. But he sure knows that he can’t never, ever forget that face.
Childe made many researches about dreams when he was just recruited, the dreams about Abyss made him do it. Dottore wasn’t giving him any answers to his questions back then yet he was curious. Why one sees dreams, what are dreams, what is the purpose of dreams? The dreams that he saw back then were nothing but a nightmare, the nightmare that can’t make him sleep, the nightmares that made him scared of sleeping, naturally, he wanted to know why. Was it the punishment of the Gods? Was it the people’s curse that he murdered without no regrets?
It was none of them, dreams are just a play that one’s brain does with one. Dreams were to sort the memories, emotions or take a lesson from the experiences that the brain forces you with. Once you accept it, you get rid of it, he experienced it by himself. Dottore’s potion was strong enough to let him have nightmareless and dreamless nights but once it wore out it started to happen again. Childe was still living in the past those times even though no matter how he didn’t show it that Abyss didn’t affect him, but it did. It wasn’t that surprising that it affected him, it was too much for a 14 year old despite he ‘handled’ it very well or that’s how he stalled himself. Ajax thought handling means not showing his true emotions and letting them stay inside, later he realized if it stays inside, it is also eats him inside and out. Those dreams were his brain's warning to himself. Once he made peace with Abyss and let it flow into his heart and stopped rejecting it, he was free. No more nightmares, no more weird dreams that he can not name. He was changed after that, he became a more straightforward person, he started to understand his emotions better and he stopped losing control over small things.
But now? He has no idea. How can he accept someone to his heart if he doesn’t know who is he? If he had a glance at that face one day, he wouldn’t forget it, that face is not forgettable, it was too beautiful to slip out of his mind even if he tries. But somehow familiar… familiar from where? He knows those eyes, he almost like he is having hallucinations, he can swear he drowned in those eyes, he looked at those eyes, and he has memories of those eyes.
Memories that never happened keep appearing in front of Childe’s eyes, is he going crazy for real now? He never was mentally stable but he never had an experience like this.
Somehow those empty photographs started to make sense, but also not make sense, he felt like two personalities in his mind were arguing if it ever happened, but he knows, he knows that if it ever happened he would remember.
How could he forget if he was truly happy one time?
Being truly happy doesn’t happen in Childe’s life that often.
He would remember.
…
Maybe he already does.
Because if he didn’t remember, how he does know that he was truly happy?