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The moment you heard Micah was involved your stomach fell and your blood ran cold. Nothing good would come of this. Meeting Colm O'Driscoll all the while Micah was whispering into Dutch’s ear, talking all sorts of nonsense that happened to be worded in just the right way to tickle Dutch’s brain. “I don’t know about this one, let me come with you.” You grabbed your rifle to join the others as they mounted their horses.
“Eh… I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want you gettin’ hurt.” Arthur slung his leg over his saddle and pulled himself up before peering down at you with crinkled eyes dancing with fondness and something fearsome. Perhaps it was simply just fear? “Someone will get hurt knowing them. I rather it not be you.”
“I’m more than capable, Arthur-”
“I know, I know. When did I say you weren’t?” Reaching out, Arthur caressed your cheek. “In truth I don’ even wanna go. But someone has to watch Dutch. Might as well be me. Wait for us here, we need you.” You could tell Arthur has sensed the same as you. The air was shifting and something bad was about to happen. It wasn’t like him to not let you come along. You had been running with the gang for as long as you could remember and your shot was just as good as any.
You forced a smile to help ease his nerves. “Alright, stay safe cowpoke.” You bid, watching reluctantly as they rode off. Still the air was heavy with humidity and regret.
In camp you were restless and useless. Sat by the fire you cleaned your guns, glancing over at the front path every once in awhile to see if there were any incoming horses. “He’ll be okay.” Charles said gently. He took a seat beside you, handing you a clean cloth for your barrel. “He always is.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. I mean, the man was nearly lynched yesterday when rescuing Trelawny. His neck’s still freshly red, I checked it just this mornin’. Now Dutch wants him to cover his and Micah’s asses while they walk into hell its self? Arthur’s just a man. He’s exhausted.”
“I’ve noticed that too but there’s no getting through to him. He’s taken that responsibility on himself.”
“He shouldn’t have had to.”
“I agree.” Charles said quickly, hoping to calm your temper even just a little. He could tell there were big feelings involved and he didn’t want to make the matter any more stressful. “Arthur is something else, but he shouldn’t have to be. He does seem to choose it for himself at times.”
You couldn’t argue with that. Arthur was always insisting he put everyone else first and often denied help. “If you weren’t there he would have been choked to death.”
“And he wouldn’t be swallowing today if you didn’t cut him free and treat his neck. There’s not much we can do most of the time but he has us looking out for him and I think he knows.”
Does he? Does he know? Your heart fluttered a little, the thought making you smile. Dutch wasn’t a person you were loyal to any longer. Not after what happened in Blackwater…. But Arthur? You’d give your life for that man just as he would for you. “I hope so.” You hummed. It was true. You hoped that Arthur knew you’d take care of him and love him no matter what. That man usually couldn’t recognize any loving gesture even if it slapped him across the face. It was hard to tell sometimes just how aware of your affections he was.
Night soon fell and your body sprang up at the sound of hooves. “Did Arthur come back yet?”
Dutch’s words swept over the camp. “He has not.” Ms. Grimshaw helped him off his horse, fussing over him since he and Molly were currently at odds.
You stopped just shy of Micah who barreled past everyone to grab a beer. “He probably just disappeared on us again because I was right.”
“Probably.” Dutch agreed. “I love that boy but sometimes… well… He gets ideas in that thick head of his.”
All you could do was stare. Did they really not return with Arthur? “How’d everything go?” Your words were slow and your gaze on Micah was measured. Neither of you liked each other all that much so you were trying to be careful. Trying to get a feel for what mood he was in. Micah loves to turn shit into a fight.
He popped the cap off the bottle, taking a swig. You watched in disgust as beer ran down his mustache, glistening in the fire light as he let out a satisfied ‘aah’. “Fine. Just as I thought.”
“Just fine? They weren’t interested in fightin’?”
“They talked some. You know, man to man. Well I guess you wouldn’t know what that’s like. Being that you’re a woman and all-” He looked you up and down in a manner that was meant to be more belittling than suggestive.
Ignoring his remark, your brow furrowed in confusion. “The O'Driscolls… they just walked away?”
“Pretty much.” Micah shoulder checked you causing you to stumble back as he pushed past to go heckle someone else, leaving you standing there completely alone and without answers. Everything seemed fine. Dutch and Micah were in high spirits and no one in the camp seemed bothered. However, for you it was as if time had slowed down. Everyone moved around you. Talking and laughing. Javier played his guitar and Karen sang. None of it reached your ears. It was like being surrounded by ghosts. Your ears rang and your vision blurred. Suddenly it was hard to swallow.
Why did you feel this way? Was it all in your head? Maybe you were just tired. It had been a long week and you haven’t been sleeping very well. Arthur wouldn’t go off alone after something like that. He’s always said something if he wasn’t going to return to camp with you or the others. Something was off… Something was wrong… But…
“You okay?” Charles’ voice spooks you. He placed a hand on your back, gazing down with those big brown eyes of his. Charles always brought a calming presence whenever he was around and you could feel your shoulders relax. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna go for a ride.”
“Now? It’s pitch dark already.”
“I know I just gotta clear my head. I feel kind of weird… I don’t know…”
Charles nodded in understanding. Digging in his bag he pulled out a bottle of health elixir, pressing it into your hands. “Take this, just in case.” He knew… of course he knew. You’ll always be right behind Arthur like a lost puppy no matter where he went.
Offering a smile in thanks you went back to your tent grabbing your rifle and a few rounds before striding across camp to mount your horse. “Easy there-” You shushed the whinnying animal, kicking off down the shrouded path. A decent gallop set the pace, not wanting to waste any time yet not interested in using all your horse’s energy.
There was a possibility you’ll find Arthur just fine and he’ll scowl and grumble about you not staying home. “Every time I look back there you are.” He’d probably say. “Can’t take two steps without my shadow.” Those words were always said with a huge grin. Arthur felt safe when you were around, you thought. He always looked to be calmer once he sensed your presence. There it was, the clenching in your chest again. That pit of anxiety gurgling in your stomach like Pearson’s stew. “I hope he’s mad at me.” You laugh to yourself. ‘I hope he’s okay and I’m just being annoying.’
The horse tracks were fresh just outside of Valentine. You slowed your horse, slipping from the worn saddle to examine all hoof prints. To the left there were too many to be Arthur, Dutch and Micah. Those must have been the O’Driscoll’s party. But the marks on your right only showed two sets of horses. Did Arthur not meet Colm with them?
Curious now, you followed the prints back until a third horse joined. “He went up here? Smart.” Of course he was smart he always was no matter what the others said. You followed suit, legs straining against the slant of the hill until you reached the outlook. Even in the dark you couldn’t mistake the brown that stained the dirt. Blood accompanied by marks that looked as if something had been dragged back into the bush.
You couldn’t find Arthur’s footprints again but his horse did join a group of others coming from the West. It wasn’t Micah or Dutch as there were too many horses- “Fuck!” You hissed. How could Dutch be such a fucking moron as to not check where Arthur was? It was pretty evident he’d been taken. Oh, you were seething! Teeth clenched, fists held so taught the knuckles bore white. Somehow, you knew, Micah was one of the reasons Dutch didn’t think fucking twice about Arthur.
Flying down the hill, you let out a strained yelp as the dirt gave way beneath your feet sliding you down until you caught yourself just shy of wiping out. Wasting no time you sprinted to your horse, throwing yourself onto it. “Get on!” You kicked the stirrups, driving your horse in the direction the O'Driscoll’s took with all your fury and them some. You considered riding back to camp screaming for Charles to join but who knows how far they’ve been traveling with Arthur. If you lost their trail… well… Colm wasn’t going to treat him nicely and you knew it.
Tirelessly you double and triple checked the tracks every few minutes to ensure you hadn’t missed a turn or rode too far. Your eyes squinted as the sun rose just above the distant mountains. The sky burned purple and then red. For a moment you reflected on its beauty and enjoyed the cool dewy breeze. As you raised your gaze to appreciate the new light something caught your eye. A campsite still warm sizzling in the distance.
“They just left.” You murmured, dismounting to investigate. There were at least seven men here. It didn’t look like they stayed long and… The breath left your lungs, dropping to your knees as you grabbed Arthur’s bandanna soaked in blood. There was no mistaking that it was his. There before you was a large dark stain soaked into the soil. So large in size you could smell and nearly taste the iron on the wind. “Oh, Arthur.” Your voice shook. Thumbing at the patch you raised your fingers, staring at the blood which smeared against your fingerprints. They were going to kill him. Arthur… If he wasn’t already… Arthur was going to die. That was too much blood to lose. The last time you saw a person lose this much blood…
Feeling shaky you managed to somehow push yourself up. It was the same feeling you had back at camp. The world was ghosting past you and all you could do was stumble back to your horse. What could you do? You were clearly outnumbered and Arthur was severely wounded. It was hard to think when you felt so sick. Wiping the blood off on your pants, you sucked in a deep shuddering breath. ‘They aren’t too far off.’ You tried to get yourself together by thinking things through. ‘I’ll keep following them then hang back. When night falls I’ll find a way to sneak Arthur out.’
That was your decision and it had gone exactly to plan so far. You were able to track the O'Driscolls to their hideout and much to your relief (when you saw him alive) you saw them haul Arthur into a cellar. Fuck- they probably knew someone would come after him. How the fuck were you supposed to sneak into a cellar? This was was becoming far more complicated than expected. The place was crawling with armed men, a mini-militia. There was no way you were getting in unsighted. You had hoped as night settled in things would ease up, but if anything it became worse with the number of men increasing. For fucks sake, was the whole damn brood out and about?
Still, you watched and waited. It looked as though they were trying to feed Arthur- there were a few men coming in and out. Even Colm himself at one point. Doubt began ticking the hairs on back of your neck. Maybe you made the wrong move… Maybe you should've gone back to camp. This was a four person job at minimum and in all honesty you weren’t the best at sneaking. Just as you were ready to set your binoculars aside you noticed something peculiar. Something red poking out of the cellar door- “Shit!”
Springing up you ran with all your might, flinging yourself across your saddle causing your horse to stumble back in surprise. You could make out Arthur’s silhouette hobbling over to his horse, five O'Driscolls attempting to shoot him down. “Goddamn it!” You snarled to yourself. There was no other way. Charging down into the encampment you went in guns blazing. Shooting one, two, four O'Driscoll’s dead before they could reach Arthur, buying him just enough time to mount his horse and ride off.
You rode after him with dust stinging your squinting eyes. The whole brood now on your backs. No thoughts filled your head now, only pure adrenaline. Your horse pushed fast and hard, keeping up with your friend while you both shot your way out. “More up ahead!” You called just before reaching a small surveillance camp set up beneath a bridge. Arthur pointed his gun to shoot –
Click
– you both locked eyes for a split second. Arthur looked exhausted and your eyes were wild with fear. He was out of bullets. There were too many men to out run. ‘This is it’. His face conveyed. This was it for you both. You agreed, but it wasn’t a thought you could bear.
You weren’t giving up on this man. This man who had saved you your whole life. Who cared far deeply than any other person could. He carried the weight of everyone problems on his back always saying ‘I’ll protect you’. “But who’ll protect you, Arthur?” You always shot back playfully. Every single time Arthur gave a shrug. “I ‘dunno. I don’t need it.”
“Yes you do.” You breathed with quivering lips, snapping back into the present. “I’ll protect you.” After shooting the guards dead you both stopped just ahead of the men on your tail. “Drink this Arthur, hurry.” You shoved the elixir Charles had given you into his trembling hands. It was hard to look at him while he was in such a sorry state. Arthur reeked of blood and gunpowder and you could tell he was hardly hanging onto his horse. Though it seemed to take him forever to drink it, in reality you both were fumbling as quickly as you could. You took his gun, giving him yours in return with what little ammo you had left. “Go!”
“H-Hold on-” Arthur weakly protested, trying to reach out and grab you before your horse pulled you both apart. “Mmm’not-” He slurred. Arthur wanted to say he wasn’t going to leave without you. You, his best friend. His partner in crime. His shadow. You can’t separate from your shadow… What’s a man without his shadow? But his head was too busted and the words couldn’t be formed.
It was okay though, you knew exactly what that helpless look on his face meant. You gave a watery laugh, tears now streaming down your face. “Go, damn it!” You slapped his horse on the ass as hard as you could, sending it dashing down the road with Arthur slumped over gazing back at you with all the energy he had left.
Now it was just you. You and the O'Driscolls…. You turned around to face the growing lantern light, bullets whizzing past you. “Come on you Paddy bastards!” You pointed the empty gun barrel at them, blocking their way until you drew their attention long enough. Arthur was too far gone now and you- well they recognized you alright.
You kicked your horse into a run, hoping to take off into the woods with the O'Driscolls close behind. Before your horse could make a turn a particularly loud shot rang out. The shockwave ripped through your body. Nothing registered. You lurched back, falling off your saddle, your horse startled into a full run. Your leg was caught in the stirrup dragging you against the rocky forest floor, slicing the flesh of your shoulders. Your vision was blurry. Your mind confused. What had happened?
It took you several tries to reach up and catch onto your saddle just enough to pull yourself back up. Your shoulders were ripped raw and your face pounded. Something warm akin to liquid slid down your cheek and the vision on your right side was completely obstructed. Still, you had no time to think as bullets rained down upon you from behind. “Holy shit!” You sobbed, attempting to keep your head down. Your trusty steed weaved between the trees until the forest had grown silent and finally you were alone.
You were numb… You were so numb and yet your chest was heaving and your hands were shaking like crickets. The sun cracked blissfully through the trees as you rode silently. Nothing registered or reached you until your horse’s hooves hit a dirt path. “Oh-” You breathed, blinking away your tears. This place was familiar. You’ve been here before. This is where Micah was camping out, outside Strawberry. You tugged the reigns for your horse to bring you there. It was the perfect spot to-
That thought was never finished.
You fell off your horse like a bag of rocks. Heaving your lead filled body into the abandoned campsite before collapsing. You must have immediately passed out because the next thing you’re aware of is a crow pecking at your fingers. You wave the crow away, crawling over to a nearby rocks which you managed to prop yourself up on with some effort. A hiss left your clenched teeth every time you moved. This had to be one of the most painful things you’ve ever felt in your whole life.
You managed to sit yourself up just enough to face the entrance, watching your horse idly graze.
It was as if you blinked and now all of a sudden the sun was setting. Did you fade out of consciousness again?
Your face felt hard and heavy. This was when you realized your vision never returned in your right eye. You could hardly move any parts of your body. Exhaustion was taking hold. You were wet with blood and sweat. It was a struggle to make your fingers touch your face, ripping a scream from deep within you when your fingertips came across the peeled flesh.
That’s why you felt so heavy. All at once your wounds suddenly seemed to burn with a fire from hell, pulling your awareness to every single aliment.
You were riddled with bullet holes.
The ankle that caught in the saddle was twisted.
Cold was the rock against your raw naked shoulders, your shirt having ripped away in those areas during your drag.
And you were shot in the face. Shot in the fucking face….
You were dying.
Now the birds were chirping. The smell of rain hit your nose before the drops fell onto your black and blue skin. How was it now morning when the sun was just setting a mere second ago?
Lifting your head you met the rain with a soft smile. ‘I wonder if Arthur returned to camp okay.’ Ah, so you could come up with a thought.
The last thought you might ever have.
Instincts sure are a bitch. You were startled by something breaking the peaceful silence of your soon-to-be resting place. Gripping the unloaded gun you pointed it at the entrance. It wouldn’t do much but it might scare away a robber.
“Micah?” You licked your lips, parched and dehydrated. Was he truly standing before you? Or was it a hallucination since you were currently bleeding to death in his old camp?
Micah approached you with his hands up until the gun fell from your grip. “Christ kid, they shot you in the fucking face!” He marveled. “How the hell are you still alive?”
The vision of him seemed to dance and fade away.
Maybe it was just a dream.
The next time your eyes open something is different. Clouds move by rapidly. You watched as they swirled around in the sky. Almost peaceful. Was this the universe welcoming your spirit? You couldn’t comprehend that you were now in the back of a wagon that was stolen and driven by Micah, or that your head was in Charles’ lap.
“Hey- Hey you’re awake. Don’t move. I got you. It’s going to be okay.” Charles caressed your face. “We’re almost home.”
“There you are.” You knew that voice!
“Arthur?” You whisper. Your un-bandaged eye cracks open to see no other than the man himself.
“Hey.” You feel his hand run through your hair. “You made it back to us.”
“I did?”
“You did. You did good. Don’t you go on and leave me again, okay?”
A smile made its way onto your dry cracked lips. You wanted to stare at his face forever. The face of the man you loved. But your eye was too heavy and you succumbed to the exhaustion washing over you. “Okay.” You managed before falling asleep.
For the next two weeks you wavered between conscious and unconsciousness. Sometimes you would wake with someone by your side, other times you would wake alone and confused until someone noticed and came over to hold your hand. Occasionally it was Charles or Mary-Beth, but almost always you would wake to see Arthur sitting beside you rattling on about how his day was and how boring life was without you to shadow him.
A few more ugly scars. You both laughed in the end. His shitty shoulder and your blind eye. You both survived the longest night. Now, things will be alright. As long as you take care of each other. There was mutual understanding now of how much weight that really held. And you both will hold it until the day you finally succumb to something the world brings. For now, that will come another time.