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Hayate had just gotten off work. He headed for the door of the cafe in a hurry, because he knew Mima-san was already waiting outside. They both had a rare weekday off that day, so they'd made plans to visit the zoo while it wasn't too crowded.
But just as Hayate stepped outside and greeted Mima-san with a smile, he heard the door open behind him again.
"Mima-san. Hayate-san. Got a sec?"
Hayate looked over his shoulder, and felt Mima-san looking over as well. Shun had followed him out. He was looking kind of skittish and evasive now, which was how he always looked when he had something on his mind.
"What is it, Shun-kun?" Mima-san asked patiently.
Hayate gave Shun his full attention as well. He was looking forward to the zoo, but if a good friend of his needed some sort of guidance, that obviously came first.
"Just… a quick question," Shun mumbled, absently twisting the strings of his hoodie between two fingers. "Wanted to ask your advice on something."
Mima-san nodded his encouragement with a smile that made Hayate feel more relaxed and self-assured, even though it was directed at Shun in this instance. Mima-san just always had that effect on him, whether it was intentional or not.
It seemed a bit less effective on Shun, but after dithering for a moment longer and awkwardly scratching a hand over the nape of his neck, Shun drew in a deep breath and simply blurted it out.
"How'd you guys learn to kiss?"
Hayate blinked and froze. Some of his self-assuredness started to evaporate away.
"I mean," Shun barreled on, not seeming to notice Hayate's sudden stiffness. "You kiss a person when you really like them, right? But if you really like someone… and you get the chance to kiss them, you would want it to be perfect, right? So… so, if you've never kissed anyone before, how do you learn? To make it perfect, when it's with the right person?"
Mima-san hummed and touched a hand to his chin, like he was giving the question some serious thought. Shun glanced over at Hayate too, as though to wonder if he wanted to answer first.
Hayate most certainly did not, because…
Because even now, at age twenty-one, he'd never kissed anyone. He'd never been kissed.
Was that strange? Wasn't Shun a bit early to be thinking about kissing? He was a third-year in high school now, but…
"I'm already eighteen," Shun said, as though reading Hayate's mind. "So it would be extra embarrassing if that person knew I was this old and didn't know how to kiss. Wouldn't it?"
Hayate nearly choked.
Would it?!
If eighteen was too old for a first kiss, what did that make Hayate, exactly?
Mima-san cleared his throat. He seemed to be doing a tad better at reading the air than Shun, who cocked his head to the side like he wasn't sure why Hayate had suddenly turned so red.
"First of all," Mima-san began, "this sort of thing varies from person to person. Some people have their first kisses during their days in school, and some have them later in life. Some people aren't interested in kissing at all. There's no such thing as too late, and if your person is the right person, they won't judge you for this sort of thing. Also, I don't believe Souma-kun has had his first kiss either."
Shun was the one to turn apoplectically red this time. "Who… who said Souma has anything to do with this!"
"Secondly," Mima-san continued, politely not putting too fine a point on what Shun seemed unprepared to admit, "I'm sure there are those who would say you could practice with… a pillow, or your hand. If you feel that may give you some confidence, perhaps it's worth a shot, as silly as it may sound.
"But the most important thing, Shun-kun, is that a first kiss doesn't have to be practiced and experienced to be perfect. When it's with the right person, it'll be perfect even in its clumsiness and inexperience."
As Mima-san spoke, sounding so calm and wise, Hayate found himself coming out of the dizzying cloud of anxiety that had engulfed his mind. His stomach was still twisted into knots of mortification, from hearing that Shun thought eighteen was too old to not know how to kiss, when Hayate was twenty-one and equally clueless on the matter. That mortification was joined by a funny little twinge of something else, some not-so-pleasant feeling that Hayate couldn't quite identify, when he realized Mima-san must have given Shun all this advice from a place of experience.
Mima-san certainly sounded like he'd been kissed before. Like he knew how to kiss.
He must have learned from someone, with someone.
That only made sense. Mima-san was a real adult, after all. Hayate didn't know why he suddenly felt a little uneasy, maybe even a little unhappy, about that.
"Makes sense," Shun said all of a sudden, when he'd apparently finished processing Mima-san's advice. His voice startled Hayate from his reverie, and Hayate focused up in time to see Shun give a determined nod. "Thanks, Mima-san. I think I get it now."
Shun waved to them both before ducking back inside the cafe.
Hayate, suddenly, felt a little breathless to be left alone with Mima-san and all these thoughts about… kissing.
"Hayate-kun?"
Hayate jumped, just a bit, and hastily met Mima-san's concerned gaze with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm okay," he said. "I was just… a little surprised by that question. Your advice was really good. I think it was just what he needed to hear."
A soft smile touched Mima-san's lips. "I should apologize. I didn't give you much of a chance to say your piece."
Hayate squeezed out a nervous little laugh and shook his head. "Ah, no, I wouldn't have had much to say. I don't… have much expertise in that… area."
Mima-san blinked, then, like he was genuinely surprised to hear that. Hayate's stomach sank a little lower. So it was weird, then? To not have been kissed at Hayate's age?
"I see," Mima-san said after a moment. "I'm glad."
Hayate blinked as well, feeling like he must have heard wrong. "Glad…?"
Mima-san smiled again and checked his watch. "Shall we get going? We can still make it to the station in time for the next train."
Ah.
Ah, right.
The zoo. Hayate had really been looking forward to that.
Shun's abrupt appearance and line of questioning had thrown his thoughts into disarray. He was thinking things he'd never thought, or at least never consciously thought, before. He was now very aware of the fact that the lips Mima-san smiled with were lips that had been kissed before. Which wasn't a surprise, it just…
It made Hayate wonder if there was something wrong with him, some reason he'd never been kissed.
By Mima-san.
No, ah—
By anyone.
Of course, Hayate knew he'd never really taken the initiative to meet someone in that way. He'd thought before that it might be nice to have a girlfriend in college, like so many other guys his age, but his ideas of what that would be like were all pretty vague. He wasn't sure if that was something he really wanted, or if it was something he just thought he was supposed to want, since it seemed to be what everyone else wanted.
And now…
Now he wasn't sure about anything at all.
While lost in thought, Hayate followed Mima-san to the train station. They were at the gates of the zoo before he even knew it. Mima-san led the way the whole time, reliable as ever. Well, maybe they did get on the train going in the wrong direction at first, but Mima-san realized it and corrected their course before they'd even gone two stops, which was pretty reliable by Hayate's standards.
"Hayate-kun."
Hayate jolted again, coming back to his senses in front of the red panda habitat. He must have been worryingly quiet and distant, because Mima-san looked concerned again.
Mima-san regarded him for a moment, then gently touched a hand to Hayate's side and guided him over to a shaded area next to a concessions stand. He bought them each a bottle of water, then came to rest in the shade with Hayate.
It was a quiet area, which made Hayate feel almost embarrassed by how loud his own breathing seemed to sound.
Eventually, Mima-san gently stated, "Something's been bothering you."
Hayate ducked his head, then shook it. "It's nothing, really. It's just…"
Mima-san took a sip of water and waited for Hayate to continue, without rushing him one bit.
"The… questions Shun asked," Hayate managed to mumble in the end. "I guess… they just left me with some questions of my own."
Mima-san hummed. He capped his bottle of water again and let it dangle from one hand, between two fingers. Had Mima-san always had such nice hands? Hayate wasn't so sure if he'd ever noticed before.
"Perhaps I could help?" Mima-san suggested gently. "A dear friend, whose opinion I value highly, recently told me I give really good advice."
Hayate wondered for a split second when Igarashi-sensei had said that to Mima-san, before he realized—oh. Oh, Mima-san was talking about him, wasn't he? Hayate was the one who'd said that recently. Just about an hour ago, in fact.
And he'd meant it.
So if he had questions, why couldn't he ask Mima-san? Why shouldn't he?
He could, and he should.
"I guess…" Hayate faltered for a moment. Although he did think he had a whole lot of questions swirling around in his mind, they hadn't congealed into coherent words just yet. They were more like a blob of confusion that he was struggling a bit to parse.
After seizing upon one thread of thought that started to take shape, he mustered up all his courage and said, "I guess I wonder how you know, when you've met the right person. The person you're meant to… to kiss."
Mima-san took a minute to think about that as well, just like he'd taken the time to give serious thought to Shun's question. Hayate appreciated it, but the wait was a bit… just a bit anxiety-inducing.
Luckily, Mima-san didn't make him wait very long.
"It may sound too simple," Mima-san said, "but I believe the 'right' person can simply be a person you want to kiss, who wants to kiss you too. The right person may not be the right person forever, and that's okay. They're right in that moment, if your wants align."
Hayate nodded. That did make sense, even if it sounded so simple that he felt a bit ridiculous for having to hear it spelled out like that for him.
"Is there someone you want to kiss, Hayate-kun?"
Hayate was glad he hadn't taken a drink just yet, because he probably would've choked upon hearing that question. He opened his mouth to answer 'no' right away, but stopped short. Because was he really sure about that answer?
Was there no one he wanted to kiss?
There hadn't been, in the past. Not any person in particular. He'd never even wondered that much about what it might feel like to kiss someone, always figuring he would just find out when he found out.
But that was the past.
What about now?
Hayate snuck a glance at Mima-san out of the corner of his eye. His gaze lingered for a split second on Mima-san's lips, which looked a tiny bit glossy from the water he'd had a sip of a moment ago.
"Um…" Hayate swallowed thickly. "Maybe."
Mima-san only nodded.
"If… if there is," Hayate went on, seizing this tenuous strand of courage before it could snap. "If there is, how do I know if he also wants to kiss me?"
"Ah."
Hayate couldn't bring himself to look at Mima-san again, which made it rather difficult to tell whether that was a good 'ah' or a bad one. Or some third variety of 'ah' for which Hayate had no name.
He did instinctively look over, though, when he saw Mima-san move, lifting a hand to take off his own glasses.
"I believe that is something many people struggle with," Mima-san said. "Of course asking that person is the most straightforward way to find out, but that's often easier said than done. Not everyone is capable of being so forthright, and making themselves so vulnerable."
Hayate gave a hesitant nod. He was pretty sure he couldn't imagine just… asking. Wouldn't that be so very, very awkward?
"In some cases, you can just…" Mima-san moved again now, slowly, and faced Hayate. He bowed his head a little, just enough that they were looking each other in the eye. "You can look into that person's eyes."
Hayate's breath hitched in his throat. The distance between them had diminished at some point. There was nowhere to look except into Mima-san's eyes.
"And then?" he whispered.
Mima-san's lips twitched with a smile. "And then," he echoed, "close yours."
Hayate wasn't completely oblivious. He knew what would happen if he closed his eyes now, and he even knew that… that he really, really wanted that to happen.
So of course he didn't need to be told twice.
He closed his eyes and held his breath, and he thought he was ready, but he still gasped unbidden when he felt the press of a pair of lips against his for the very first time.
It was a chaste kiss. What Hayate assumed was chaste, at least. He was no expert, but Mima-san pulled back after what felt like only a few seconds, leaving Hayate's lips warm and tingling and wanting.
They stood facing each other for a moment longer, Hayate with his eyes closed, Mima-san with a steady hand at Hayate's hip.
"I think he does," Hayate blurted out, when he dared to slowly blink open his eyes again. "I think… I think I know, now. Whether or not he also wants to kiss me."
He found Mima-san smiling, shoulders even shaking the tiniest bit with restrained laughter. He found a warm, doting affection in Mima-san's eyes, one that made him think it would maybe be okay to stretch up on his toes and steal another kiss.
"Yeah," Mima-san murmured, touching his forehead to Hayate's. "I think so too."