Chapter Text
“I can feel your eyes in the back of my head burning, burning, burning
Floating through the room as the hairs on my arm rising, rising, rising
I'm chemically drawn closer to you
Eyes wide, eyes wide open
Will you be my future or just an escape?”
Those Nights by Bastille
Simon took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. He fixed a stray curl and took another breath. He touched up his makeup one final time and straightened his earrings. He made sure his locket was tucked beneath his partially unbuttoned shirt, and grabbed a sharpie. He paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob. He fiddled a little with his rings, took one more breath before he put on his practiced smile, opened the door and walked out into the corridor. The group of fans waiting was relatively small, which Simon was thankful for. Some nights like tonight, he agreed to meet with fans before the show, usually however, he preferred to wait until after the show to meet with anyone.
The rest of the band liked to go out before shows. They loved the energy that came from the crowds, the added thrill of excitement that would course through them when they overheard that someone was there just to see them, the general outpouring of love and excitement when their identities were discovered by their fans. Simon preferred to either be by himself, or with his family. He always felt he performed better when he had spent the day feeling the love in his life, either by being alone and writing, or by being surrounded by his family. On those days, when it finally came time for him to perform, everything he had been thinking, all his feelings, all his love and gratitude would come flowing out of him. He always felt an electric connection to the crowd, to the music, to his family, to himself in those moments.
Simon had learned at a young age that he felt more alive, more free, more like his true self when he was singing; once he began performing for a crowd, he knew he would never want to do anything else. When he was a teenager, he sang in the school choir. After he graduated, he had been unsure of what would come next. He didn’t want to perform on his own, even though he knew it was a strong option. He loved the feeling of creating with others. He had finally broken down, and told his partner Shane how lost he felt. Shane had introduced him to this band. It instantly felt like a perfect fit; Simon had found his way, a place where he belonged, the perfect way to use his talents to inspire others.
Simon always thought of Shane as a storm; they had come into Simon's life with an intensity Simon had never experienced, they changed Simon's life, and when they left, they left Simon feeling ready for the challenges to come. They had been together for just over six months, and in that time Simon's life had been drastically changing and filled with chaos and uncertainty. Shane had been a solid, steady, constant throughout everything; before they left, they unlocked something within Simon, and allowed him to see a different future for himself.
As much as Simon had wanted Shane to stay, he had also not been entirely surprised when they left. There had always been a nagging sense in the back of Simon's mind that Shane would leave and that they had been trying to prepare Simon for that since the very beginning. When they left, Simon felt as prepared as he could be for such a loss. Shane gave Simon passion and love and consistency when he desperately needed it, and before they left, they also gave Simon the band. After Shane, Simon had casually dated a few people, but always kept it from becoming anything real, eventually he opted to just find someone to hook up with when the fancy struck him. As much as he had been prepared for Shane to leave, it had still left Simon hurting. He ultimately decided that it was easier to just focus on everything else going on in his life; seven years later, at twenty five, his life felt busier than ever.
Simon smiled as he began asking for the fans’ names, signing what they handed to him and taking pictures with them. He moved slowly down the line, trying his best to focus on each person as they introduced themselves to him. While he often felt overwhelmed meeting fans, it also never failed to make his heart soar. One of the things Simon had always wanted, more than anything, was to be able to connect with people and to help them through his music; knowing that he was doing this gave him such a sense of calm and purpose; it never ceased to amaze him.
Simon's breath caught as he looked up at the man standing in front of him. He was just a little bit taller than Simon and dressed in a perfectly tailored suit. His hair seemed to shine in the lighting and he was ever so slightly chewing at his bottom lip; he was absolutely stunning. Simon let his eyes track down the man's body; he licked his lips, as his mind wandered to what laid beneath it. It was well tailored, but still gave Simon too little indication of what he could expect. Simon shook his head slightly, as he realized just how far away from him his imagination had gotten. Simon didn’t bring people back to the dressing room before shows, he waited to pick someone to spend the night with until after he had played, when there was no longer music to focus on; something about this man made him want to break his own rules. Simon's eyes finally landed back onto the man's face. When their eyes met, Simon saw a fire in them that made his mouth water.
Simon grinned and the man smiled back as he reached up and pushed the hair out of his face. Simon licked his lips again before he motioned with his head for the man to follow him. Simon made a few quick apologies to the people still waiting, then he turned and headed back to his dressing room. He made it halfway down the hall, before he gave in and glanced back. The man was still following him; Simon grinned at him and picked up his pace. He opened the door, stepped inside and then waited. He held his breath as the other man entered slowly. Simon closed and locked the door before turning around. The man was standing and staring at him.
“Hi.” Simon said as he slowly began to approach the stationary man.
“Hi.” The other man replied, and took a tentative step towards Simon. He licked his lips and Simon thought, fuck it. He reached out and ran his hands through the other man's hair; it was just as soft and silky as it looked. The man leaned into the touch slightly and Simon found himself sucking in a quick breath as unexpected butterflies erupted in his stomach. Simon leaned in and kissed him. Simon expected him to be tentative; he was not. The moment Simon's lips met his, the other man immediately licked at his bottom lip. He kissed Simon with a fire, a passion, a desire that stunned Simon momentarily.
Simon liked the freedom of kissing virtual strangers, although in the past he had at least asked for a name first; something about this man made Simon feel out of control. Most of the time the men that Simon found to be with were fans who had been at the show. They were usually slightly amazed and clearly primarily excited about the story they would be able to tell; most of the time this didn’t bother Simon. He didn’t want anything more than a night of fun, so what was wrong with it being the same for them? He just wished it didn’t so often lead to such hesitant kisses, to him having to lead things. This man kissed him with no hesitation, with seemingly no reservations.
When Simon had regained his ability to respond, he opened his mouth, and lost himself in feelings as the other man's tongue explored his mouth. After a few moments, the man pulled back and stared at Simon, looking a little dazed.
“What are you doing?” He asked Simon in a breathless voice. Simon had been expecting some variation of this question; had a version of his usual answer (just having some fun) ready. The other man still had his hands resting on Simon's neck and his fingers were playing with Simon's hair as he waited for an answer; Simon found himself quietly answering with the truth.
“I don't know, but you make me want to break my own rules.” Simon whispered, unable to look at this stranger who had somehow made him feel compelled to be honest, who made him feel strangely unguarded, whose mouth he desperately wanted back on his own. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the man nod slightly.
“Okay.” He said quietly, and Simon finally looked up to meet his eyes. There was a hunger in them that sent a thrill of excitement and want coursing through Simon; Simon licked his lips in anticipation. The other man leaned back in, and Simon closed his eyes as he let himself be consumed by the feeling of his lips, his tongue, his breath mingling with Simons, the slight tickle of his hair against Simon's face. Simon let himself be pushed back, until he felt the door against his back.
Simon relaxed against the door and let the man have his way with him. The man kissed him deeply and messily. He leaned his full body against Simon, as if trying to meld them together. Simon wound his hands through the man's silky hair and gave it a little tug; the man moaned and Simon grinned into the kiss. The man pulled back slightly and his mouth wandered, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses against the skin of Simon's neck. Simon leaned his head further back, giving the other man more access. He moved his hands, to pull at the shoulders and back of the man, trying to get closer somehow. Simon pulled at the man's jacket, wanting access to some skin.
“Why do you have so many layers on?” Simon huffed out in annoyance. He could feel the other man's chest rumble against him, his breath ghosting against Simon's neck as he let out a soft chuckle. Simons stomach fluttered.
“Luckily I don’t have that problem.” He said and pulled back to grin at Simon as his hand played with the button on Simon's shirt. Simon nodded and the man quickly unbuttoned two buttons, leaving only the bottom two buttons holding his shirt closed. He looked back up and grinned cheekily at Simon. Simon bit his lip and brought his hands up to the other man's hair again. He pulled the man in and kissed him hungrily. He could feel himself straining against his pants as a craving for more coursed through him. He ran his hands under the man's jacket, and pulled him closer still. The man pulled back slightly and moved his head until his mouth was level with Simon's ear; Simon shivered as he felt the warm breath against his skin.
“Delicious.” The man whispered. Simon shivered as the man attached his mouth to the skin just below Simon's ear. Simon closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of the man's mouth against his skin, the slight pull as the man worked his mouth over the same spot, the slight twinge as his teeth nibbled at the skin there, the soothing sensation as his tongue lapped at Simon's sensitive skin. Simon didn’t usually let people leave marks on him, but he felt unable, or maybe he was just unwilling, to fight against his own desire to have a reminder of this man, of this feeling, of this moment. Simon let out a moan as he felt his hips move against the other man, seeking some relief for the pressure building within him; the other man groaned and Simon grinned again. There was a loud pounding on the door; Simon could feel it reverberating through him as both he and the man froze. The man pulled back a little and Simon let out a frustrated groan.
“What?” Simon called out.
“We need you on stage for the sound check in 10 minutes.” A slightly muffled voice came through the door.
“Fine.” Simon called back, before turning back to the man still pressed up against him.
“I’m sorry, but you have to go now. I have something right after the show, but if you can hang around, I will come find you and we can finish this somewhere more private.” Simon said with a grin as the other man stepped back and looked at Simon. The man ran his hands through his hair a couple of times, breathing deeply.
“I… um…” The man began, but Simon interrupted him.
“Look, I promise we can talk about this later if you want. I am really sorry, but I have to fix this,” Simon said, waving in the vicinity of his head; he could only imagine how smeared his makeup must be and how disheveled his hair had inevitably become.
“Before I can go out there, and I only have a few minutes.” Simon finished. The man took a deep breath; he looked like he still wanted to say something else.
“Please.” Simon begged, unsure why he was so insistent that this man leave when everything in him wanted the opposite; all Simon knew was that he needed a minute to compose himself before he could go on stage and that could not happen with him here.
“Okay. I….I’ll see you later.” The man said with a smile. Then before Simon had time to process what was happening, the man pulled him in and crashed their lips together, licking quickly into Simon's mouth.
“One last taste.” The man said quietly as he pulled back once more; Simon wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear it or not. The man turned and left. Simon absently reached up and felt his lips with a finger as he walked over to the chair in front of the mirror and sank down; his lips still tingled from the other man's kisses, his taste still lingered on Simon's tongue, Simon was still hard and wanting.
Simon stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, and tried to figure out what exactly had just happened. He was usually careful, he was usually in control, he wasn’t usually swept away in a fog of desire. Simon sighed and did his best to fix his hair. He touched up his makeup and buttoned his shirt up part of the way again, making sure to tuck his locket back into his shirt. As he looked at himself in the mirror one final time, he noticed the dark mark just beneath his ear. He ran his finger over it, smiling at the memory of the man's lips lingering there. He sighed a little as he covered it up with makeup. He didn’t usually let people leave marks; they took too much work to cover up, and he didn’t want to have to explain his actions. When the man's mouth had lingered, had begun to suck and nibble and lick, he had known what the other man was doing and yet, something about that man made Simon want to break all his rules. Simon shivered slightly as he let his fingers run over the now covered mark one final time before he headed out to the stage.
Simon took his place behind the piano and wondered what it was about that man that had so completely consumed his senses, his thoughts, his mind. Even now, as he prepared to perform, he couldn’t stop his mind from wondering if the mystery man was watching, where he was standing, what he would think. Simon began playing and singing; he lost himself in the music, in dancing, in the energy of the crowd. Throughout the remainder of the show, Simon felt as if there was something about this performance that was special, that was different, that was important. Simon didn’t know if he hoped that it did or did not have to do with the man who was still consuming all of his thoughts.
After the show, Simon quickly returned to his dressing room. He wiped down his face and did his best to touch up his makeup. He lingered for a moment, before carefully removing the makeup covering the mark the mystery man had left; he liked being able to see it, and wanted to see the man's reaction when they met up again after Simon's meeting. Simon tried to steady his breathing as he walked towards the room the meeting was in. Simon opened the door and walked into the room; there were two people there, someone Simon didn’t know and the mystery man. The man looked up and their eyes met, and Simon felt himself falter briefly before he took a breath and continued forward to where they were standing.
“Hi, I’m Simon.” He said as he reached out to shake the hand of the man he didn’t recognize.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Walter. Thank you so much for meeting with us. This is my colleague Wille.” Walter said and motioned to the mystery man, Wille. Simon smirked at Wille as he slowly reached his hand out towards the other man.
“Simon.” He said as Wille took his outstretched hand. Simon felt heat coming from where their hands touched.
“Wille.” Wille said and glanced at their hands. Simon couldn’t help himself from grinning at the other man's awkwardness, at his double introduction, at the effect Simon seemed to be having on him. Walter cleared his throat, and Wille dropped Simon's hand and looked back up to meet his eyes. Wille stepped back as Simon turned his attention to Walter, who was speaking as he walked towards the chairs in the corner of the room.
“Thank you for meeting with us Simon.” Walter said.
“I am glad we could make it work. It is nice to meet you both. So what exactly are you looking for? Our agent only told me that I would be very interested, but that I should hear the pitch directly from you.” Simon said as they all sat down.
“What we are hoping for is a partnership of sorts. Kaleidoscope Hearts is a shelter that provides a safe and nurturing home for queer teenagers who are experiencing homelessness. It is divided into two different programs. The first takes care of people between 13 and 16. These teens are supervised by staff at all times. That is part of the work that I do there. The second program is a set of attached apartments where teens who are 16 to 18 live. We make sure that all the teenagers attend school, and any mandated court dates, and perform any required community service. The teenagers in the second program are also expected to get after school jobs.” Walter finished speaking and looked to Wille. Simon's eyes immediately shifted to him as well. Wille seemed to be staring at a spot on the wall just over Simon's shoulder as he began to speak, clearly avoiding meeting Simon's eyes.
“We are hoping that you would be willing to donate some of your time to work with the teens who live at the shelter. They all love your music and are incredibly inspired by who you are. I know that you must be very busy, and that this is a lot to ask, but it could change their lives. Most of these kids have nowhere else to go, and they often feel trapped and helpless. We want to help give them the confidence to know that they are special, that they are incredible, that they have value and can do anything they want to do. So many of them want to be artists, we thought it would mean the world to them if they could spend some time with you and maybe learn something from you.” Wille said. As Wille talked, Simon found himself becoming more and more excited. He had been looking for a way to become more involved with the community, a way to give back a little, a way to help others more directly; this opportunity was more than he ever could have dreamed of.
“I will help however I can. I actually know the shelter; it helped to save the life of someone I love, so I will do whatever I can to give back to it.” Simon said and looked directly at Wille as he spoke. Simon was surprised he hadn’t thought of asking the shelter if they needed help. Wille finally looked up and a grin broke out across his face as he glanced at Walter.
“Thank you so much. Just call or come by the shelter when you have time and we can set up something official.” Walter said as he stood up and stuck out his hand to shake Simons again.
“Thank you, Walter. It was great meeting you and I will see you soon.” Simon said as he shook Walters hand before glancing to Wille. Wille nodded slightly and turned to Walter.
“I’m going to take a raincheck on drinks with you and Henry, but I’ll call you later, okay?” Wille said as he turned towards Walter. Walter gave him a long look before he nodded.
“It was nice meeting you Simon.” Walter said before he turned and walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. Simon continued to just watch Wille until the other man turned around to face him again.
“So…Wille. What are you doing now?” Simon asked. Simons felt a fire course though him as he watched Willes eyes rake across his body. Simon licked his lips as Willes' eyes landed back on his face.
“Hopefully I’m going somewhere with you.” Wille smiled as he spoke and took a step closer to Simon.
“Okay.” Simon said and nodded, before he turned around and headed for the door. When he was halfway there, he realized Wille wasn’t following him.
“Let’s go!” Simon called back over his shoulder as he turned and left quickly, hoping that Wille was behind him this time. Once they got to the street, Wille paused. Simon looked at him.
“I..uuhh… I have a car; can I meet you somewhere?” Wille asked. Simon studied Willes' face, trying to determine exactly what it was that the other man was hiding. After a moment, Simon shrugged; he had his own things he wanted to keep to himself.
“Sure.” Simon said. He gave Wille the name of the hotel he was in for the night, as well as his room number. Wille grinned and nodded.
“See you soon.” Wille said and Simon grinned at him before he turned and walked away. Simon hopped on the bus. He felt his nerves rising during the short ride. He was excited to see Wille again, to touch him, to kiss him, and yet, he also felt worried about the strength of the pull he already felt towards this man. Simon headed up to the hotel room; once there he had no idea what to do. He fiddled with his hair in the mirror for a moment, before he ended up just wandering around the room while he waited.
Simon wasn’t sure what it was about Wille that set him so on edge. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just a new heightened feeling; as if every moment, every detail was somehow vitally important. He thought about the way in which Wille had looked at him as he stood amongst the fans, how he had looked as he followed Simon to his dressing room, the seeming constant fire present in Willes eyes as he gazed at Simon. Simon felt himself begin to heat up as he thought about the ferocity and focus with which Wille had kissed him, the speed with which his hands had found their way underneath his shirt, the intensity of the pull Simon felt towards him. Simon was shaken from his thoughts by a knock at the door. Simon straightened his shirt then walked to the door and looked through the peephole before opening it and stepping back to allow Wille to enter.
“Hey.” Wille said, and Simon felt himself shiver. He closed and locked the door before turning back to Wille. Simon smiled and cleared his throat before he found his voice.
“Hey.” Simon replied and swallowed a little thickly as Wille took a step towards him. Simon reached out and brushed the hair out of Willes face. Willes' eyes fluttered slightly and Simon felt something in his chest settle. He pushed the feeling aside, as he pulled Wille in and connected their lips. Simon had expected Wille to kiss him just like he had last time; messily, and just a little bit rough. This kiss was different; Wille kissed him slowly, seeming to be taking his time in exploring Simon's lips, nibbling them just a little before his tongue delved into Simon's mouth. Simon's breathing increased as he felt overcome with a need for more; he began walking Wille backwards, as Willes tongue continued its exploration of Simon's mouth.
Simon felt Willes legs hit the bed; Simon paused for a moment and pulled back, breaking the kiss. He grinned at Wille before slowly unbuttoning his own shirt; he kept his eyes on Wille's face as the other man's eyes raked across each inch of newly exposed skin. Simon tossed his shirt aside and Wille just stared. Simon raised his eyebrow and watched as Willes' face turned red when their eyes finally met. Simon smirked; he loved watching others admire him. After a moment, Simon became impatient and reached out for Willes' shirt. Wille shook his head a little. Simon immediately dropped his hands, and stepped back a little, suddenly unsure. Wille reached out and grabbed at his arm, and Simon sucked in a breath at the spark that shot through him at the contact.
“Wait. Sorry. I just….” Wille said, and stared at him. Simon relaxed a little, but remained where he was.
“You’re beautiful.” Wille said quietly, lowering his eyes, but keeping his hand clasped onto Simon's arm. Simon felt his heart skip a beat.
“Come here.” Simon said, and reached out and tangled his hands into Willes' hair. He pulled their mouths together; just like before, he felt consumed by a fire, a need, a longing for more. He moved his hands under Willes' jacket to pull at his shirt, needing to feel this man's skin beneath his fingers, against his skin, beneath his lips. Wille pulled back and quickly took off his jacket and shirt; Simon watched with a smile on his face. As soon as he had discarded the clothing, Wille reached out and placed his hands on the button of Simon's pants, Simon nodded and Wille quickly undid the button and unzipped his pants. Simon let out a gasp as he felt Willes hand gently caress his hardening length through his underwear. Wille took a step back and moved entirely out of Simon's space; he immediately mourned the loss. Wille began removing his own pants, and Simon quickly took his off and kicked them aside before straightening back up and training his eyes back onto Wille. Simon grinned when their eyes met. Wille grinned back before he turned and climbed onto the bed.
Simon watched as Wille settled back against the headboard and focused his eyes back on Simon. Simon felt his heart flutter and his breath stop for a moment as he looked at Wille. Willes' hair was already a mess from Simon's hands, his lips were red and swollen from Simon's kisses, Simon could see that he was just as hard as Simon was himself and he was waiting for Simon. Simon licked his lips as the thrill of actually getting to be with this man rushed through him. Simon took a breath before he climbed onto the bed and crawled towards Wille. When he reached him, he settled in Willes lap.
Simon reached out and cupped Willes face in his hands. Simon studied his face; he couldn’t figure out what it was about this man that made him feel so safe while simultaneously making him feel like he was free falling. Even with Shane, the feeling had never been quite like this, and certainly not this early. Simon waited, suddenly he felt like he needed to know if Wille felt it too, this pull, this desire, this seemingly unquenchable thirst for more. Simon watched Wille and he waited. He stroked Willes face gently. Simon watched as something in the other man's expression changed and he surged up towards Simon; Simon grinned as he leaned down to meet Willes lips. This kiss was chaotic and sloppy and perfect. Wille was running his hands down his back, pulling him closer; Simon's entire being felt like it was on fire. He rocked his hips into Wille, needing to ease the ache, needing more contact, needing more of Wille. Wille broke the kiss and leaned up until his mouth was next to Simon's ear. Simon could feel his breath moving the curls at his temple.
“I want you beneath me.” Wille whispered, and Simon shivered as he was overcome with want for this man. Simon scrambled off of him and quickly laid back on the bed. He watched with a growing fire as Wille licked his lips before settling down on top of Simon and capturing his lips again.
Simon lost himself in the feeling of the other man's tongue tangling with his, in the feeling of the Willes' back and arms and hair beneath his fingers, in the little moans Wille made when Simon tugged slightly at his hair. Wille pulled back; Simon kept his eyes closed, hoping Wille would come back. Only a brief moment later he felt the ghost of Willes lips on his before they were gone again. Simon opened his eyes as he felt Wille place kisses along his neck.
Simon pulled at Willes' back, wanting to feel their skin pressed together, wanting to feel Willes' skin beneath his fingers, wanting more of this alluring man. Simon moaned as he felt Wille's tongue caressing the mark he had made earlier and once again lost himself in Wille. In the feeling of Willes tongue on him, in the feeling of Willes skin beneath his hands, in the fire coursing throughout his being. Simon let his hands run across Willes' back, into his hair, down his arms, back into his hair; he couldn’t get enough of feeling this man. As Willes' kisses trailed farther and farther down Simon's torso, Simon raised his head to watch the other man. He felt his breath catch slightly as he watched Wille; his eyes were closed, his hands clutching at Simon's sides, his hair was a mess, his face looked blissful.
Wille paused when his lips reached Simon's underwear and he looked up to meet Simon's eyes. Wille breathed out heavily and Simon reached out to stoke his face gently with one hand. Wille gasped and Simon gently pulled him in. Wille hovered over him and Simon just stared at him for a moment, taking in all his beauty, before he pulled him down and kissed him. Simon kissed him slowly, taking this moment to try and memorize his taste, the feeling of their tongues brushing against each other slowly, the feeling of Willes chest rising and falling against his own. After a few more moments, Simon felt Willes' hips thrust against him; the fire within him burned brighter. He pulled back and grinned at Wille.
“Carry on then.” Simon said and Wille grinned back at him as he took off Simon's underwear. Simon couldn’t help the giggle that escaped his lips as Wille dramatically tossed Simon's underwear aside. Wille paused and Simon watched as his eyes ran all across Simon's now completely naked body. Wille had a look on his face as he gazed at Simon that made something within Simon seem to settle, even as the fire continued to burn brighter and brighter. Simon felt consumed with a desire for this man that overtook all his rational thoughts, all his previous longings, all his senses; it was more than that though. As Simon watched Wille admire him he realized that he felt comfortable, he felt at home, he felt cared for in a way that stunned him a little. Wille licked his lips and Simon smiled as he watched him. Wille looked up and smiled at Simon, and Simon felt something he had long ago buried, stirring within himself. Simon whimpered as Wille licked the beads of precum off his aching member; Simon's eyes were focused on the sight before him.
A moment later, Simon forgot about everything as Willes' mouth closed around him. Simon watched Wille for a moment, before he felt overcome with too many sensations. He closed his eyes, and gently stroked Willes hair as he lost himself in the feeling of Wille surrounding him, the feeling of Willes hand clutching at his leg, the feeling of his back beneath Simon's hands. Simon felt as if he was floating. He stroked his hand down Willes arm, before tangling his fingers with Willes. Wille squeezed his hand, and Simon instantly felt grounded. Wille stilled for a moment, before he began moving his mouth again. Wille licked and sucked and tasted Simon; he could feel himself rushing closer and closer towards his peak. Simon pulled a little at Willes' hair, and squeezed his hand, trying to signal to Wille that he was close. Wille continued his movements.
“Wille…I….I’m close.” Simon said. He tugged a little harder at Wille's hair as he opened his eyes to look down at Wille. The sight nearly sent Simon over the edge; he watched as Wille nodded slightly, his mouth never leaving Simon. Simon's mouth fell open as he watched Wille, his eyes were closed as he devoured Simon. Wille opened his eyes and looked up. Their eyes met and Simon came with Wille's name cascading from his lips. Simon's eyes fell closed as he breathed for a moment and tried to center himself again.
Simon felt Willes hand leave his thigh and he opened his eyes. Willes' eyes were closed and his head was thrown back. He had taken off his underwear and had his hand tightly wrapped around his leaking member; Simon felt desire course through him. He wanted to feel Wille in his hand, he wanted to see his face as Simon brought him over the edge, he wanted to give Wille at least some of the same pleasure he had just given to Simon. Simon took his hand out of Willes' hair and began to reach down. Wille opened his eyes and looked at Simon. Simon glanced down to where Willes hand had stilled, but was still tightly wound around his hard length.
“Can I?” Simon asked.
“Please.” Wille whispered and Simon smiled at him. Wille brought his hand up to tangle in the curls at the back of Simon's head, and Simon finally wrapped his hand around Wille. Willes' eyes closed and he let out a moan; Simon felt his mouth water. Simon found himself unable to focus on any one sight. He was mesmerized by Wille. He was mesmerized by the way his hand looked wrapped around Wille, moving against his skin, bringing him closer to his release. He was mesmerized by the way their hands looked where they lay intertwined together on the bed. He was mesmerized by the beauty of Willes body, his face, his lips. Simon leaned forward and captured Willes lips, smiling as Wille did his best to kiss him back. After just a few more moments, Wille broke the kiss, throwing his head back and crying out Simon’s name as he came. Simon stared at him in awe, trying to memorize everything. After a few more moments in which Simon continued to allow himself to drink in the sight of the peaceful man in front of him, Wille opened his eyes and met Simons. Wille leaned in a little and Simon moved to meet him. Willes lips were soft and light, and Simon could feel stomach clenching at how tender it felt.
“That was….” Wille started, and then trailed off. Wille glanced at their still joined hands. Simon felt his heart clench as he watched Willes face; he didn’t know what the other man was feeling, but he looked conflicted to Simon. Simon slowly brought their hands up to his mouth and kissed Willes soft skin.
“Yeah, it really was.” Simon said. Simon sat up and leaned over and grabbed some tissues from the side table. He cleaned off his hand before carefully starting to clean off Wille. He could feel Willes hand tightening on his, and focused on keeping his eyes off of Willes face as he gathered his thoughts. He suddenly felt a little overwhelmed by all the emotions swirling within him. Simon finished wiping off Wille and tossed the tissues aside. He laid down and rested his head on Willes chest, wanting to stay close to him, to be held by him, but also needing a moment to just let himself digest all the feelings vying for attention within him.
“You can stay… I mean, if you want to….” Simon said. He held his breath as he waited for Willes' response. He never let people stay; if they asked him if they could, he would tell them no. He had never asked anyone to stay; something about Wille made him ache at the thought of parting so soon. Wille stared at him for a few moments, then closed his eyes and nodded. Simon studied his face for a moment, wondering what it was about this man that made Simon want to break all his own rules and throw caution to the winds. He tried to put it out of his mind as they moved up on the bed and settled beneath the covers. Simon settled his head against Willes' chest, and tangled their hands together as he breathed in the other man's slightly musky smell. Simon placed a light kiss on Willes chest as he closed his eyes.
“Goodnight Wille.” Simon whispered quietly.
“Goodnight Simon.” Wille replied. Simon felt him place a kiss on his head as Wille pulled him in closer and squeezed his hand a little tighter. Simon fell asleep feeling safe and warm and content.
Simon woke up feeling surprisingly rested given how late they had fallen asleep. He rolled over and opened his eyes; the bed was empty. He reached a hand out and felt the other side of the bed; it was cold. Simon was surprised he hadn’t woken up when Wille left since he was usually a very light sleeper. Simon ran his hands through his hair, and sat up. He looked around, trying not to think too much about how much his heart sank when he found no note; it appeared that Wille had just disappeared. Simon checked his phone; no messages and he was late. He hurriedly pulled on his clothes, and dabbed some make up hastily over the mark on his neck. Then he sent a quick text to his mama apologizing and letting her know he was on the way.
Simon couldn’t get Wille out of his mind for the entire day, and fell asleep that night with thoughts of the man's lips, his taste, the feeling of being held by him filling his mind. Simon woke up the next morning still thinking of Wille. As he got ready for work, he tried and failed to stop the other man from consuming his thoughts, his memories, his senses.
The bell jangled as he entered Azul’s Treasures, the store he co owned with Ayub. The idea for the store had been a dream he and Ayub shared, but never thought they would actually be able to achieve. When the band had finally started to make money, he and Ayub had bought the empty store, and turned their fantasy into a reality. It was primarily a used book story, with a small selection of cd’s, records, and various knicknacks. Twice a week both he and Ayub worked in the store alone. Simon spent his solo days writing new songs, while Ayub usually worked on their bookkeeping. The remaining days, they ran the little store together. Simon still marveled at how lucky he felt to be able to work with Ayub so often, to own their own store, to be living a part of his dream surrounded by his family.
“Morning!” He greeted Ayub, who waved at him. Simon walked behind the counter and deposited his bag. He turned back to face Ayub who was watching him with a raised eyebrow.
“Sooo…did you have a good night after your show?” Ayub asked. Simon felt himself blushing as memories of Wille flashed through his mind.
“I did. Why do you ask?” Simon replied. Ayub liked to give him shit, but usually only if Simon gave him an opening, and Simon was sure he had not mentioned Wille to him.
“You have a hickey.” Ayub said, laughing. Simon realized he must have forgotten to cover it with make up after his shower that morning.
“Fuck…I forgot to cover it!” Simon said. Ayub just laughed at him and shrugged. This wasn’t the first time Simon had gotten carried away, and let someone leave a mark; it was the first time in a long time though. Despite his annoyance, he couldn’t help but smile a little as he let his fingers run over the mark. He felt his body tingle as he remembered the feeling of Willes' mouth sucking at him, his hips pressing into him, his tongue lapping over the mark. Simon adjusted himself slightly as he felt his pants become tighter; he had to get Wille out of his mind. Wille had been gone when he woke up; he had made his choice, and Simon knew that was probably for the best anyway.
“How was the game?” Simon asked, hoping to distract Ayub from asking more questions about Wille.
“It was good. They won, so Rosh was happy and we saw Linda and Azul.” Ayub answered and Simon smiled.
“I’m glad they made it; mama showed me pictures and Azul told me all about it. I was sorry I missed it. They are always so much fun!” Simon said. He hated when he had to miss Rosh’s games, even though he knew she understood. The rest of the morning passed by quickly, and Simon managed to keep his mind busy until lunch. He flipped the sign to ‘closed’ and sat down with Ayub to eat. Ayub took a bite and chewed slowly before he spoke.
“So… you’ve been pretty quiet about the guy from that night. Did something different happen?” Ayub asked him. Simon sighed as he chewed; sometimes he wished Ayub didn’t know him so well. Simon was usually excited about whatever encounter he had after a show. Simon wouldn’t give Ayub any details, but he did usually like to share his excitement. Something about that night felt different. Simon couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was; something about it felt like it had been a dream, a fantasy, something out of this world and talking about it would make it become real, tangible, scary. Simon shook his head a little, not entirely sure of where even to begin.
“Hey, you don’t have to say anything. You just seem a little different today, that’s all.” Ayub said, raising his hands.
“I…He…” Simon began and then stopped. He didn’t know what to say to Ayub, or how to explain what had happened between he and Wille; he still didn’t understand it himself. Simon took another bite as he contemplated what to say.
“I don’t know Ayub. I asked him to stay. I don’t do that.” Simon said finally, looking away from Ayub as he spoke.
“Why did you this time?” Ayub asked him quietly.
“I don’t know.” Simon said; he wasn’t ready to talk about this yet; he wanted to figure out why he felt so thrown off balance by it first.
“Okay. I'll be here when you are ready to talk about it.” Ayub replied. Simon loved that he knew when Simon didn’t want to talk. Simon nodded and they finished their lunch without any further discussion of Wille.
- Bonne Journée by Stromae-The entire day had felt a little like a dream to Simon. He woke up hopeful; the day would be filled with family and love, he would get to perform that night and then afterwards he would get to meet with Kaleidoscope Hearts. Simon had been excited for the day. He had tried to keep an open mind, and not let his hopes get away from him; nothing could have prepared him for Wille. Everything about Wille was fun, exciting, and new. Simon just wanted to enjoy this man and do his best to not think about the rest.
- Places by Portair-Simon had always wanted to do more with his life; he wanted to help others where he felt he had failed in the past, he wanted to try and inspire others the way he had been inspired by those that came before him, he wanted to leave the world a little more filled with community and love then it had been before. Being given the opportunity to work with the teens at Kaleidoscope Hearts was more than he had hoped for. He hoped he would be able to inspire them in some way, to help them see a way out, to show them, in some way, just how much value they had by just being themselves.
- Those Nights by Bastille-Simon just wanted a night of fun, escape, pleasure; he didn’t want something serious, something so strong, something so all encompassing. He found himself wanting to give into the inexplicable pull he felt towards Wille. Even though he knew he might regret it later, for tonight, all Simon wanted was to lose himself in the other man.
- Can I Be Him by James Arthur-Simon had felt off balance from the very first moment his eyes landed on Wille. The need and desire that had coursed through him from the moment he saw Wille, instead of being satiated by kissing him before the show, had only intensified. Even now, knowing that he might never see Wille again, Simon felt himself yearning for him, aching to taste him again, longing to be in his arms once more. Simon didn't want to look to hard at how much he wanted Wille to feel the same, to feel the same pull, to in someway, feel just as out of control as Simon felt.
- Power by Isak Danielson-Simon had never felt a pull so strong, so overpowering, so all consuming. He didn’t know what it was about Wille that was so different from anyone he had met before. It scared Simon how quickly he had broken so many of his rules, how much he had wanted Wille to stay, how much he had ached when he found Wille gone when he awoke. Simon had never before felt such a specific desire to be wanted, desired, longed for by another person. Even though he had only just met Wille, he already found himself wanting to be special to him, wanting to be important to him, wanting to be needed by him; the ferocity and intensity of his feelings scared Simon.
- Sparks by Coldplay-As strong as the instant desire that had flared in him the moment he saw Wille was, as much as it just continued to grow, as strong as the pull he felt towards Wille was, as much as Simon wanted Wille, he knew he had to close himself off again. Wille had left, he had made his choice and Simon had other people who his heart belonged to; he couldn’t afford to lose it over this man.
- The Enemy by Andrew Belle-Maybe it was for the best that Wille had left. Simon knew how complicated his life was, what it would mean to bring someone else into it, how much hurt it could lead to. Simon could only assume that Willes life also came with its own set of complications and he knew Wille had his own reason for leaving before Simon woke up. Maybe it was better that it had just been one incredible night, and yet, if that were really true, why did he still ache for Wille, why couldn’t he get him out of his thoughts, why did he long to have him in his arms once again?