Chapter Text
Things are just different ever since Anakin cut his padawan braid off.
The death of Qui-Gon Jinn – Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Master – is a pain that ached heavily. As of that moment, right then, Obi-Wan could only look forward onto the pyre his Master’s body was laid on, the flame flickering so brightly and lively but even then, unable to bring any of the warmth Obi-Wan was seeking to him. The faces of those that attended to bid farewell to the Jedi Master blurred in Obi-Wan’s eyes, unshed tears stinging gentle green-blue eyes that held nothing but respect to Qui-Gon Jinn, the wise and mature individual that taught and guided Obi-Wan during his Padawan years.
A familiar coldness settled heavily in the pit of his stomach, deep and seated and slowly spreading to his chest and bones, dragging him down and leaving Obi-Wan feeling so hopeless as he comprehended an unexpectedly profound truth.
His Master was gone.
The sickly yellow eyes of the Sith haunted Obi-Wan’s head, his mind replaying the final moments in which his Master was alive over and over again. In his final moments, with his Padawan cradling him so gently and desperately, his crying face contorted with grief and pain, Qui-Gon Jinn had uttered words about no other but Anakin Skywalker.
He is the chosen one… He will bring balance… Train him.
His only act of action that showed he cared about Obi-Wan before his inevitable death was the Jedi Master’s weak, shaky hand reaching up to wipe a stray tear from his extraordinary young Padawan’s face. Then it was nothing; no one other than Obi-Wan Kenobi in that blasted power generator in Theed, clutching his Master’s lifeless body, fresh blood drenching his hands as his Force Signature desperately searching for something, anything only to have met nothing. His Master was gone, and along with him his own Force Signature.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was alone after more than a decade of following his Master across galaxies, taking his lessons, fighting, battling, living and sometimes, in those rare moments, laughing along side him.
He would have to meditate later on, releasing these pent up negative emotions. How the young Padawan finished the Sith was not the Jedi Way and he knew this; but a small part of Obi-Wan couldn’t help but wish he would’ve made the Sith suffer just a little longer; make him to go through the pain he inflicted on Qui-Gon Jinn and the solemn grief he’s causing Obi-Wan to feel.
But he didn’t. The Code whispers gently inside his head, its rule engraved and carved in his mind, reminding him of its existence and Obi-Wan felt ashamed for letting those negative thoughts entertain him. The only thing the Padawan could do was to look onwards; the only thing he could do was to fulfil his deceased Master’s last wish; to train Anakin Skywalker, that quick-witted little boy they discovered on that hot and humid planet Tatooine; a boy born into slavery, a boy so smart and capable that his Master was ready to abandon Obi-Wan just so he can train him.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
Queen Amidala, the newly elected Chancellor, the Jedi Council and others stood quietly, grieving in silent respect as the flickering flame dawn red and orange on their faces. The nice, cool air of Naboo passed gently by them as they all stood watching the brightly burning pyre. As Obi-Wan pulled his hood closer to him, he could feel a gaze that burned heavily on to him from no one else but Anakin Skywalker.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
“What will happen to me now?” The boy asked, head tilted with confusion lacing in his voice. He was perhaps too young to understand; too distant to be saddened by the death of a man he only just met recently. Obi-Wan was on his knees as he begged Master Yoda to let him train the young boy, determined to fulfil his Master’s last request. He had decided this is a quest he would finish no matter what.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
Obi-Wan Kenobi knew he wasn’t the best, that he was an inadequate Padawan that had many troublesome moments with many holes and gaps in his training, that feeling of not being good enough always lingering somewhere in his mind. He had never come to terms with it clearer than he did when Obi-Wan stood in front of the Jedi Council alongside his Master and the little boy, Qui-Gon Jinn declaring that he will be taking Anakin as his apprentice, his new Padawan. Perhaps that was why Obi-Wan was so insistent in objecting Qui-Gon’s decision to train the little boy, urging him not to disobey the Council; the fear of abandonment lingering in his head. Qui-Gon thought otherwise.
Obi-Wan experienced a hurt he had never felt before.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
Perhaps Qui-Gon’s belief that his Padawan was ready to become a Jedi Knight stem from his sheer want to train Anakin, to teach him the way of the Jedi as he had with Obi-Wan, to show him the wonderfulness of the Force, to make him great, ever greater than Obi-Wan could ever be. Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One, something Obi-Wan could never, would never be able to compete against.
But as he turned his head and laid his glassy eyes upon the little boy, a new feeling settled deep inside him, mixing with the sadness that Obi-Wan was feeling.
Devotion.
He was ready to devote his life to this little boy – either to honour his fallen Master, or to relieve the pressure that he must do so, or the lingering fear that the prophecy of the Chosen One might be false – Obi-Wan did not know. But he was certain in that specific moment, more certain than he ever had been in his entire life that this was the right choice.
As he looked at Anakin Skywalker, at the boy with shaggy blond hair, at the skinny boy that was so talented at pod-racing with so much love for his mother, Obi-Wan Kenobi came to terms with himself about his duty, what he must do; what he must complete.
The last of his Master burned so brightly in the dark, chilly night of Naboo. Quietly, Obi-Wan gently uttered these words more to himself than to Anakin.
“The Council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a Jedi. I promise.”
There is no death, there is the Force.