Archive of Our Own

“Do you think hyung is mad at me?” Hyunjin asked, his heart clenching painfully at his own question.

“Mad at you? Why?” Seungmin frowned.

Hyunjin shrugged. “I don’t know. Ever since I came back, he has barely talked to me. He always avoids even looking at me. Maybe he hates me?”

“Minho hyung hating you?” Seungmin scoffed. “Yeah right.”

“I’ve been back for almost a month, Minnie,” Hyunjin replied, chewing on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “It’s like I’m invisible to him. I don’t know what to do.”

“Did you try talking to him?”

“I did. I tried after dance practice, I came over to your dorms to try and get some time alone with him, but he always finds an excuse to avoid me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Seungmin hummed and nodded. He knew what was wrong with his hyung, but he had sworn not to say a word; and even though he could help his friend and fellow member right now and avoid a lot of pain, he wouldn’t. But he’d try… There had to be something he could do.

“Try hanging out with him as much as you can,” he said, “invite yourself over to our dorms, and be your usual clingy self to us, especially Felix.”

Hyunjin frowned. “What do you mean ‘clingy’? I’m not clingy,” he pouted.

“Right.”

“I’m not!” Hyunjin whined.

Seungmin chuckled and gently pushed his friend away. “It’ll be okay, Jinnie. Things will work out at some point, okay?”

“Okay,” Hyunjin sighed in defeat.

Seungmin looked at him for a second, a hopeful smile on his lips, before he got up and went to Chan’s room, bidding his leader goodbye. At least, that’s what he said, Hyunjin had a good suspicion that it was more than that. 

Hyunjin looked back towards the black tv screen, toying with his cup of tea and reaching for the small bag of gummy bears, taking one and putting it in his mouth. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong with his hyung. During his hiatus, they had spoken quite often, he’d sent many texts to Hyunjin, asking if he was okay, telling him he missed him, asking if he had eaten well and was taking care of himself and so on. But ever since Hyunjin’s return, it was like Minho had decided he didn’t want him back anymore, and Hyunjin didn’t understand why. Did he upset Minho in some way? If so, how? Hyunjin had absolutely no recollection of annoying his hyung or doing something that could have upset him.

This situation was painful, not only because he didn’t understand, but also because Hyunjin had missed Minho more than he’d like to admit. He had missed him more than the other members; he had missed everything about Minho and as soon as he’d gotten the news saying he was allowed to come back, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling and squirming at the idea of finally seeing Minho again. However, everything went crashing down when he arrived at the dorms: Minho barely acknowledged him, not even a smile. When two weeks later they had to move into two different dorms, Hyunjin realised he wouldn’t share a room with Minho anymore and, even worse, they were in two different apartments. It brought Hyunjin to tears. But it didn’t seem to bother Minho.

At the thought, Hyunjin felt tears pooling in his eyes and just when he thought he wouldn’t be able to hold them back, Seungmin suddenly walked out of Chan’s room. With the back of his hand, Hyunjin quickly wiped his eyes and turned to the younger who smiled at him like a dazed idiot. Hyunjin tilted his head to the side and frowned.

“Your lips are red,” he pointed out. “And you look dishevelled.”

Seungmin pursed his lips, then sheepishly smiled. “I uh… you know, had to help Channie-hyung with something.”

Hyunjin squinted his eyes and slowly nodded. “Uh-huh…”

“Anyways… I’m gonna head home,” Seungmin quickly said. “You coming over? Felix told me he’s watching a movie with Innie, and Minho-hyung will probably join.”

“I don’t know… I think I need to think a bit more, I’ll come over another time.”

“Okay. Goodnight, then, Jinnie.”

“Night, Seungmin.”

Hyunjin watched Seungmin walk to the front door and exit the apartment. As soon as the door shut behind him, Hyunjin sighed and looked down at his hand holding the gummy bears. He wasn’t hungry anymore. He put the bag on the coffee table and headed to his bedroom, gently closing the door behind him, before collapsing on his bed and closing his eyes, trying to ignore his swirling thoughts and let sleep take over.

When morning came, Hyunjin felt even worse. When he went to the bathroom, he flinched as he saw his reflection: his eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes were far too obvious. There were tear tracks down his pale cheeks as well. Had he really cried himself to sleep? How pathetic. With a groan, Hyunjin rubbed his face and opened the tap, splashing his face with fresh water. He knew it wouldn’t really change anything, his eyes were going to remain disgustingly swollen for at least a few hours. If anyone questions him, he’ll just say he watched a drama until late at night, surely they’d buy that. Stepping away from the mirror, the boy walked out of the bathroom and headed to the kitchen to grab a snack and waited for the others to join him. Only, he hadn’t realised that 3RACHA had already left for the studio. He was startled when he heard his phone going off and quickly picked it up, answering it.

“Jinnie, are you ready?” Felix said on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, I am.”

“We’re waiting for you. Dance practice today with Minho hyung.”

“Oh right. I’m coming.”

“See you in a bit.”

Hyunjin hung up the phone and sighed. He completely forgot that he’d spend most of his day with Felix and Minho. He really didn’t feel like going through with it. He knew what was coming for him and he really wasn’t ready. He slowly went to the front door and put on his shoes, grabbing his keys before walking out of the dorm. It was warm out, almost hot this early in the morning. He went to the other dorm with a heavy heart but smiled when he saw Felix waving his way as he stood beside the car. Minho was nowhere to be seen. 

He quickly joined Felix and climbed into the car, only to gulp when he realised he’d sit next to Minho who was already there, scrolling on his phone.

“Hi, Minho hyung,” Hyunjin shyly said. The older didn’t lift his eyes from his phone and only hummed in acknowledgement. Hyunjin’s heart sank but he remained silent and sat down, pulling on his seat belt and clipping it, then turned to Felix who was doing the same.

“Did you sleep well?” the younger asked.

“Not really,” Hyunjin answered truthfully. 

“You do look like a mess,” Felix frowned. “Your eyes are swollen- did you cry?”

Hyunjin didn’t notice the way Minho shifted and stopped looking at his phone, listening to the ongoing conversation.

“No, I was just watching a drama until late,” Hyunjin quickly replied.

Felix eyed his friend for a moment. “You’re lying,” he simply said. “That’s not the face of someone who went to bed late. That’s the face of someone who cried himself to sleep. Why did you cry, Jinnie? What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine, Lix,” Hyunjin replied. “Nothing’s wrong, it’s all fine. Don’t worry.”

Felix bit his lip, understanding that this meant Hyunjin didn’t want to be pushed into telling the truth. But he knew, however, that Hyunjin wasn’t happy, that something was tormenting him and he had a good idea of the reason why. Felix simply nodded and turned his face away from Hyunjin. 

The first part of the day went by in a blur. Hyunjin did his very best for dance practice, listening to everything Minho explained, and carefully observing his moves so he could reproduce them perfectly; but of course, he still earned himself some harsh comments from his hyung whenever he missed a step or made a small mistake. He could’ve cried each time, but at the same time, this was the only way Minho would talk to him, so maybe Hyunjin made a few mistakes on purpose. And if Felix noticed, Hyunjin made sure to act innocent.

Following Seungmin’s advice, Hyunjin made sure to be very clingy to Felix, giving the younger all his attention and going to cuddle him whenever they could get a small break. However, when the other members joined, Hyunjin couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t let it go, couldn’t ignore the fact that he wanted to be next to Minho, talk to him, in truth, do anything to get his attention. And that feeling squeezing his heart whenever Minho laughed with Jisung or acted clingy to Jeongin, was almost unbearable. It broke his heart over and over again every time Minho avoided him, with no explanation whatsoever.

At one point, they were all taking a break, panting from the heavy exercise and sweating profusely, and that’s when Hyunjin decided to try again and get close to Minho. He shyly and hesitantly walked over to his hyung, already trying to find something to say.

“Hyung,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. Minho hummed, not looking at Hyunjin and the latter squared his shoulders. That seemed like progress, at least he didn’t walk away immediately. “Uh… I need your help? For uh… for the steps? Right, for the steps. Uhm… Because there’s this part in the choreo that I can’t get right. Do you mind helping me?”

Minho didn’t look at the younger but put his phone down and headed to the centre of the room. Definitely progress: he was giving Hyunjin some attention. He waited for the younger one to follow and get in place before showing him the steps and explaining the process to him before checking if he was doing it well. 

He didn’t look at Hyunjin’s face once.   

Unsettled about that, Hyunjin missed a step on purpose and sheepishly smiled at Minho who sighed and repeated the explanation once again. Hyunjin pushed his luck and missed the same step again and to his surprise, Minho didn’t groan and give up, didn’t even yell.

“Listen carefully,” he said, his eyes still not meeting Hyunjin’s. “Once you made the move with your arms, you go up, as if stretching, then down, squatting, hands around your head, like that, yes, exactly, then move your hip, leg up, turn, repeat- good, perfect! See?”

“Thank you, hyung,” Hyunjin happily said, flashing Minho a blinding smile that went completely unnoticed as the older simply nodded and walked away towards Jisung. 

Well, at least Hyunjin had tried. With a heavy heart, the boy walked to his bag. “Hyung,” he told Chan who immediately gave his dongsaeng his attention. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going home, is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course, Jinnie,” the leader replied warmly. “Do you need me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I just need some rest, I guess.”

“Okay. Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything,” Chan replied. Hyunjin smiled and nodded.

“Thank you, hyung. See you later.”

Hyunjin grabbed his bag after putting all his things inside and headed to the door. “Oh, Jinnie!” Chan called after him. “We’re going out tonight, do you wanna join?”

Hyunjin hesitated and his eyes travelled to Minho who seemed to be very focused on his phone, probably playing a game, while Jisung was watching. “I think I’ll pass for tonight. I really don’t feel well,” Hyunjin said.

“Okay,” Chan nodded, a little disappointed. “If you change your mind, tell me. We’ll bring you something.”

“That’s thoughtful of you, thank you. See you, hyung.”

“Bye, Jinnie.”

Everyone smiled and bid him goodbye. Except for Minho. 

Hyunjin slowly made his way to his dorm, head low, heart heavy, thoughts swirling in his mind like an endless tornado. He loved Minho, he knew that, which made the situation even more hurtful and difficult for him. He used to be close to him, they used to bicker and tease each other and it was something Hyunjin always enjoyed and loved because that was his special relationship with Minho. But then he had to leave, had to go on this stupid hiatus, and although Minho seemed to remain very close to him, even closer, now that he was back, it all seemed to have gone down the drain. And he didn’t know why. Did Minho not want him back? Did Minho prefer it when Hyunjin wasn’t there? 

Tears pooled in his eyes, but Hyunjin refused to let them flow until he had reached the safety of his room. He hurried and finally arrived at the front door that he unlocked, quickly stepping inside and closing it behind him. He kicked off his shoes and almost ran to his bedroom, slamming the door shut. He let his bag drop to the floor while sinking to the ground, hugging his knees and burying his face in his arms, finally letting his tears fall. A sob rose in his chest, clawing its way up his throat and pushing past his lips until he was wailing, incapable of controlling it anymore, unable to take the pain and heartbreak anymore.

He cried and cried for a long time, letting everything out, until the tears subsided and he finally calmed down. When he checked his phone, he realised he had been crying for almost an hour. He probably looked like a mess now… He cleared his throat and stood up, grabbing his bag and putting it next to his desk, while he headed to the bathroom to take a shower. He avoided looking in the mirror, afraid of what it might show him, and quickly stepped into the shower, washing his body quickly and putting on his pyjamas.

When he reached his bed, ready to collapse and sleep his growing headache away, he jolted as his phone went off. He checked the screen and answered.

“Felix? Is something wrong?”

“Hey, Jinnie, sorry, I hope I’m not waking you up?” 

“No, don’t worry, I wasn’t asleep.”

“Oh good. I can’t seem to find my wallet,” Felix explained. “We’re at the restaurant and I can’t remember if I took it with me - which means I left it in the practice room - or left it in my room. I’m really sorry to ask that, but could you check my room, please?”

“Sure, I can do that for you,” Hyunjin said. 

“Thank you so much, Jinnie!” Felix exclaimed, sounding relieved. “I’m so sorry for making you move, you’re probably about to sleep…”

“It’s okay, Lixie,” Hyunjin said softly. “I’ll go check and text you, okay?”

“Okay, thank you!”

“Anytime. Bye.”

Hyunjin hung up the phone and got up from his bed. He grabbed a pair of slippers, put them on, and left his dorm to go to the other dorm. He checked the group chat, making sure he remembered the password correctly, before pressing on the numbers and pushing the door open. It was dark inside, except for the light from the living room. That was odd. Did they forget to turn it off? Well, good thing he was there, he’ll turn it off for them.

The young boy went to the living room first but froze when he saw that someone was there, sitting on the couch. And not just anyone.

“Hyung?”

Minho jolted and whipped his head around, looking at Hyunjin and quickly averting his eyes to go back to staring at his phone.

“Oh, it’s you,” he simply said.

Right. Hyunjin cleared his throat. “I thought you were at the restaurant with the others…”

“Didn’t feel like it.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth, letting out a quiet ‘oh’ as he nodded. “Okay. Uhm… well, Felix asked me to check his room for his wallet. I’m confused as to why he didn’t ask you.”

“Mhm…”

Clearly, Minho didn’t want to talk. Hyunjin was about to give up and just head to Felix’s room when something in him snap. He’d had enough, it was too much.

“Hyung,” he said, unsure and quiet. “Did I do something to upset you?”

“No, why?”

“Then… Why don’t you talk to me? Or look at me? Why- why does it look like you hate me?” Hyunjin asked, stuttering and stumbling on his words. He started twisting his fingers. Minho didn’t reply but his shoulders were suddenly tense. “Do you-... do you not want me here?”

At that, Minho finally turned around and looked at the younger with a frown. “What?”

“Did you not want me back? Are you upset that I’m back?”

“Is that what you think?” Minho asked dryly.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Hyunjin replied, lowering his head. It was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, tears in his eyes, his body trembling. He hated confrontation, he was scared of the outcome of this conversation, but now that he had started it, he couldn’t possibly back away. “I- I went on- hiatus, for four months, and you still kept in touch, hyung. Almost every day. And…” Hyunjin took a deep breath. “It’s what kept me going,” he quickly blurted out. “And now- now I’m back. And I’ve been back for a month now. But ever since- ever since I came back-...” It was so hard to speak with the lump in his throat blocking his airway, causing the boy to choke on his words. “You- I- It’s like you don’t care. Like I don’t exist? Like you’re mad I’m back. Like you don’t want me there anymore.” Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks now and he was shaking, trying to hold back his sobs. “It hurts, hyung,” he whispered. “So much. I don’t- What did I do? Why are you so… so, I don’t know?”

Hyunjin’s heart was threatening to beat out of his chest from the overwhelming emotions suddenly crashing on him. His shoulders shook from the effort of containing his sobs, and he brought a hand to his mouth, trying to muffle his sounds by biting on the sleeve of his hoodie covering half of his fingers.

“Hyunjinnie,” Minho called softly. He didn’t get up. He put his phone down and extended an arm to grab Hyunjin’s other hand and pull him closer. “Hyunjinnie,” he said again, almost in a whisper. 

Hyunjin kept his head down, his vision blurry with tears, not wanting to meet Minho’s eyes. He let the older pull him closer, not resisting, simply trying to stop crying.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjinnie,” Minho said. “I’m sorry I made you go through this. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never realised how much I was hurting you.”

Hyunjin sniffled. “So much,” he whimpered. 

“I’m sorry,” Minho repeated, tears brimming his eyes, but he blinked them away. He brought Hyunjin’s hand to his lips and pressed a long kiss there. He looked up at the younger, taking in his shivering form, the sweater looking too big on his skinny body, the sweater paws… He looked so fragile, so vulnerable. Minho never meant to hurt Hyunjin, he never meant to make him cry.

When the company announced that Hyunjin was to go on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time, Minho’s whole world shattered. He was the first one to get out of the room, rushing towards the dorms in hopes to find Hyunjin, hug him, kiss him, tell him it’ll be alright, even though it wasn’t alright. But when Minho pushed the front door open, he found the dorms empty. He went to his shared bedroom with Hyunjin and Seungmin and found Hyunjin’s bed without sheets, the blanket neatly folded and most of his belongings gone. Minho’s heart broke and he felt tears burning his eyes. Hyunjin couldn’t have left without saying goodbye, he couldn’t…

Minho immediately pulled his phone out and called Hyunjin, stomach churning with anxiety. He let out a gasp of relief when finally Hyunjin’s voice was heard on the other end of the line.

“Hyung?” He said.

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

“Hyune… why- why did you leave?”

“You know why. I’m on hiatus.”

“You didn’t even say goodbye…”

There was a long silence during which Minho thought Hyunjin had hung up until he heard him take a shaky breath in. “I… couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“... it just hurt, hyung.”

Silence, again.

“Okay,” was Minho’s answer. “Can you… keep in touch?”

“Yeah. No one told me otherwise.”

“Good.”

“Will you- will you text me?”

“Every day.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “Don’t give promises you can’t keep, hyung,” he said. “You’ll be busy. You know, with Kingdom.”

“Right.”

Minho wanted to get into the first cab he saw, get to Hyunjin’s house and barge in, to see him, to take him in his arms, to kiss his face, tell him he loved him, then kiss his mouth. He wanted to tell him right now, that he loved him. He knew that, he had known for a while now, but it had to take Hyunjin leaving for him to realise just how much he actually loved him.

“Hyung?”

“Yes?”

“I-,” he cleared his throat. “I have to go.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself, okay? And eat well, don’t skip a meal, please?”

“I won’t.” Minho could hear the smile in Hyunjin’s voice. “Goodbye, Minho-hyung.”

“Bye, Hwang Hyunjin.”

Minho waited until he heard the call being disconnected before he could pull his phone away from his ear, staring at the black screen for a moment and trying to will his tears away. Hyunjin left. And they had no idea when he’d be back. Minho stared at the empty bed, his heart tightening and pain washing over him in waves. That’s when he heard the others enter the dorm.

Felix was crying his heart out while Jeongin was trying to comfort him despite his own tears; Chan had his hands clenched into tight fists, teeth gritted and lips pursed into a thin line; Seungmin was staring at the floor and Jisung was shaking; meanwhile Changbin was avoiding everyone and striding right to his bedroom, slamming the door shut. 

And Minho realised.

He realised he had to be there for his members, he had to be the strong one, had to comfort them, make them happy and make sure they didn’t remain sad and heartbroken. He realised he had to push aside his own pain and take the others’ pain on himself so they could feel a little better. 

He squared his shoulders and pocketed his phone before walking up to Felix and taking him in his arms, hugging him and stroking his back gently.

“It’ll be okay, Yonkbokkie,” he whispered, “it’ll be okay. Hyung is here…”

Felix clung onto Minho like a lifeline, sobbing against his shoulder, unable to utter a word. 

That night, Minho tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep, until he pushed the blanket away and quietly climbed into Hyunjin’s bed, holding his blanket, before curling into a ball in the centre of the bed and falling asleep there.

The next four months were hard on everyone. Felix lost his appetite, Changbin lost a lot of weight, Jisung’s anxiety picked up, Seungmin and Jeongin were trying their best to appear okay and to help the others and Chan distanced himself from the others, though he always made sure to be there for his members. Meanwhile, Minho seemed happy and smiling at all times, teasing the others, making them smile, playing with them, cooking meals for them… He had taken it upon himself to make everyone feel less devastated about the whole situation. And only when everyone was asleep, when the lights were off and not a noise could be heard in the dorm, did Minho quietly get out of bed, dragging his blanket along with him and climbed into Hyunjin’s bed, curling into a tight ball on the mattress, before letting his tears fall.

And when finally, finally the company gathered the boys to tell them Hyunjin was coming back, Minho felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, making him lightheaded. He stumbled when Felix threw himself in his arms, crying and giggling at the same time. It warmed his heart to see smiles blooming on every member and tears of joy and relief instead of pain and heartbreak. Minho couldn’t wait to come back to the dorms and hug Hyunjin. He couldn’t wait to finally see sheets on the bed, to hear Hyunjin whine when they tried waking him up. 

But of course, nothing went according to plan. 

Indeed, when Minho entered the dorm that same day and saw Hyunjin unpacking his suitcase while humming a song, Minho remained frozen in his spot. His voice was stuck in his throat, his body stiff and his heart clenched painfully. This wasn’t real, Hyunjin wasn’t really there, happily humming that song; he wasn’t standing in their shared bedroom, and his bed didn’t have any sheets on, it had to be his brain playing him. So Minho turned around and fled. He left the dorm and walked down the streets for a long time, thinking of his members finding Hyunjin, of their happy reunion, and when at least three hours had gone by, he slowly made his way back home. Only, when he entered, he was welcomed by Hyunjin’s beautiful and comforting smile, and all Minho managed was a weak smile as he swallowed back his tears. He even flinched when Hyunjin went to hug him, not missing the look of hurt on the younger’s face, which crushed him. 

But Minho couldn’t afford Hyunjin disappearing as soon as he touched him.

Minho stroked Hyunjin’s knuckles with his thumb, eyes staring at their fingers. He kept a straight face, swallowing hard as he tried to prevent the tears from escaping. He wanted to explain everything to Hyunjin, to tell him the truth, but his voice was stuck in his throat, held there by the thick lump that had formed in his throat. 

“Hyung,” Hyunjin said softly, hiccuping, his hand still close to his mouth, “it’s okay. I’m sorry I even asked. I should… go.” He quickly pulled his hand away from Minho’s warm one. Hyunjin hesitated for a second and swiftly left the living room, getting to the front door, then out and back inside his own dorm, forgetting about Felix’s wallet. 

Minho could only watch him leave as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks. 

From that moment on, Hyunjin distanced himself from Minho. He didn’t try to talk to him or spend time with him, never seeking him out, almost avoiding him. The good thing was that he spent most of his time with Chan anyway, as they had to film their subunit music video and record the song as well, while Minho was with Felix and Changbin. 

It went on for a couple of weeks until the others had enough. Felix’s plan had failed, they needed another plan. Somehow, getting them alone in the same room didn’t work, so maybe forcing the proximity and adding a little alcohol could help - Han had suggested. There was a small argument before they all agreed.

One day, Chan suggested they all gathered in Minho and the maknaes’ dorm for dinner and maybe a movie and it was met with great enthusiasm - though not from Minho and Hyunjin. When the evening arrived, Minho and Felix had prepared some food, while the 3RACHA dorm brought the alcohol. They put everything in the living room and sat on the couch, armchairs, chairs, cushions… 

Felix had sat on the couch, Minho on his right. Hyunjin had gone to the bathroom, not realising it was the perfect way for the others to take the other seats and leave the last spot on the sofa free. When Hyunjin came back, he glanced around the room and quietly sighed before sitting beside Felix. At least, there was someone between them. But that was until Felix suddenly got up.

“No, Jinnie, I’d rather be on the end of the couch,” he said, ignoring the confused look Hyunjin gave him and pouting at his friend. “Please? I like it better.”

“Sure, okay,” Hyunjin replied, moving closer to Minho, while Felix contently moved to sit in Hyunjin’s previous spot. 

“Thank you~”

Hyunjin and Minho were both tense, avoiding any physical contact and not talking to each other. But as the evening went by, Felix had had enough and moved over, pushing Hyunjin who gasped as he was suddenly pressed against Minho whose eyes widened in surprise.

“Sorry, hyung,” Hyunjin quickly said, doing his best to move away from Minho who didn’t say anything. 

The boys were slowly drinking and happily chatting, not noticing that Hyunjin had drunk way more than all of them. His cheeks were flushed, eyes shiny and he couldn’t stop smiling and giggling at everything. He didn’t notice the way Minho was smiling and the way he looked at him with so much fondness. 

Minho tensed, however, when Hyunjin suddenly laid his head against the older’s shoulder, letting out a happy little sound and closing his eyes. Minho had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around him and kiss his head, focusing his attention on Seungmin who was telling the others a story. 

“I need to pee,” Hyunjin suddenly said, straightening up and getting up.

He stumbled across the room and to the bathroom, ignoring the laughs behind him and refusing the help that Chan immediately offered. 

When ten minutes went by and Hyunjin still wasn’t back, the boys started to wonder what had happened, while Minho quickly said he’d check on him. He got up and walked to the bathroom, only to find the door open and the lights off. With a frown, he still checked the room, frown deepening as there was no sight of Hyunjin. He called the younger’s name a few times but received no answer. 

Maybe Hyunjin had gone to bed? But he wouldn’t have been able to go back to his own dorm in his state… Minho went to Felix’s room, but it was empty. Same with Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s rooms. That left his room… With his heart racing in his chest, Minho quietly opened his bedroom door and froze when he spotted Hyunjin, curled up on Minho’s bed, clearly asleep. There was no way Minho would disturb him or wake him up to tell him to leave. 

So he closed the door as quietly as possible and walked to his closet, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, before going to his bed. He gently moved Hyunjin, gently shaking him awake, enough to tell him he needed to change.

“Hyunjin,” Minho whispered. “Come on, you need to put on some pyjamas.”

“No…,” Hyunjin whined, eyes shut. “Sleepy,” he slurred.

“I know. Hyung will help you change, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded and rolled over on his back. His eyes were still closed, his chest rising and falling softly, indicating he was asleep. Minho smiled and shook his head, then gently pulled Hyunjin’s pants down, replacing them with the sweatpants. He then, with a little difficulty, managed to pull the boy’s shirt over his head, the urge to kiss him and hug him washing over him when Hyunjin shivered at the cold hitting his bare chest. Minho quickly put the new shirt on the boy. He then gently pulled the cover and placed it over Hyunjin who hummed in delight.

“Minho hyung…,” he murmured. “Love ‘m’nho hyung…”

Minho’s heart skipped a bit at those words but he decided not to look too much into it. He placed a kiss on Hyunjin’s forehead.

“I’ll be right back, Hyunjin,” he whispered. 

With one last look at the sleeping boy, Minho exited his bedroom and went back to the living room, finding everyone snuggled against each other, talking and half-asleep. 

“Guys,” he called. “Hyunjin’s asleep. I’ll go sleep as well.”

“Okay, night hyung,” was Jeongin’s slurred reply.

“Goodnight.”

Minho walked back to his bedroom and quickly changed into his pyjamas before climbing into his bed, next to Hyunjin who was now facing him, sleeping soundly. Minho pulled the blanket over his body and slid closer to the younger boy, eyes dropping on his pretty, peaceful face. He slowly lifted his hand and let his fingers brush Hyunjin’s face, tracing his delicate features, dancing from his forehead to his eyebrows, his cheeks, his nose, his lips and finally, the little mole under his left eye.

“You really are back,” Minho whispered, voice shaky and fragile. He swallowed hard and his fingers reached Hyunjin’s black hair, threading through the dark locks, before going back to his jaw. “You’re back, you’re real,” Minho whispered. “You- don’t- don’t leave again, alright, Hwang Hyunjin?” he trembled, tears pooling in his eyes. “Don’t leave again…”

The tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, his body shaking softly. Minho dropped his hand, glancing one last time at Hyunjin, before getting closer, wrapping an arm around the younger and burying his face in Hyunjin’s chest. Minho squeezed Hyunjin to himself, sobbing as quietly as he could in his shirt, arm spasming around the younger boy, his other hand clutching Hyunjin’s shirt.

“Hyung?” 

Minho jolted upon hearing Hyunjin’s sleepy voice and remained frozen, holding his breath. Until he felt Hyunjin move and arms wrapping around his shivering body. It only made him want to cry even more, small fingers gripping Hyunjin’s shirt tighter.

“I’m here, hyung,” Hyunjin whispered.

It wasn’t long before he fell back asleep, his hold around Minho never faltering. The older boy cried for a long time before sleep washed over him, his body going limp in Hyunjin’s arms. 

The following day Hyunjin woke up to a throbbing headache, the boy wincing at the stinging pain. He felt strangely warm, as if there was a weight on his body… He opened his eyes and his jaw dropped as he saw his Minho hyung, curled up close to Hyunjin, legs entangled with the younger’s, his cheeks stained with dry tear tracks and his breathing calm and regular. Hyunjin hadn’t been this close to his hyung in months and it awakened butterflies in his stomach as his cheeks heated up.

But aside from that fact, Hyunjin had absolutely no idea how he ended up in Minho’s bed, why he was there and why the older was this close to him. Did something happen last night? Why did he have to drink so much… Hyunjin sighed in disappointment at himself and thought of getting up and leaving, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave Minho, to get away from his warmth. So he wrapped both arms around the older, tightening his embrace and pulling him closer, before pressing a soft kiss on top of Minho’s hair, and closing his eyes, letting sleep take over once again.

The next time Hyunjin woke up, he was alone in Minho’s bed. Disappointment immediately settled in his stomach and twisted his heart. What did he expect, really? For Minho to show his vulnerability? Not in a million years. Hyunjin sighed and rolled over, looking up at the ceiling, and let out a heavy sigh. He had hoped Minho would have waited for him to wake up, had hoped to see Minho looking at him and smiling at him, maybe even whispering a good morning… How foolish of him.

Hyunjin groaned and pushed the blanket away, getting up from the bed and exiting the bedroom. He’d go back to his own dorm, wash Minho’s clothes - wait, was he wearing Minho’s clothes?! How- when did that happen?, Hyunjin realised as he stopped walking and looked down at the tee shirt and sweatpants. Something happened last night and Hyunjin needed to know. He headed to the front door and walked past the kitchen.

“Hyunjinnie?” he heard.

The boy stopped and looked to the side, spotting Minho who was wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon in his hand. His hair was dishevelled and he looked sleepy. Simply adorable.

“Are you leaving?” Minho asked. And Hyunjin picked up on the worry laced in the older one’s voice.

“Uhm… Yeah?”

“Oh… I made breakfast. Do you maybe want some?” Minho tried. He sounded unsure, so un-Minho-like…

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, staring at his hyung whose features were tense. “Sure. I’m hungry.”

Minho smiled and returned to his cooking, while Hyunjin took a sit at the table. He wondered why Minho was suddenly paying attention to him, why he was making him breakfast all of a sudden, when just yesterday, he was acting like Hyunjin didn’t exist. It made no sense. 

When Minho placed a bowl filled with hot food in front of Hyunjin and handed him a pair of chopsticks, Hyunjin thanked him and took a mouthful of the food before putting his cutlery down.

“Hyung.”

“Yes?” Minho replied, lifting his head. He frowned and uncertainty swam in his eyes. “Is it not good?”

“No, it’s good, it’s delicious, even,” Hyunjin quickly reassured. Minho smiled and nodded. “Hyung… What happened last night?”

Minho’s hand froze for a second before the boy put the food back into the bowl. “What uh… what do you mean?” Minho asked, avoiding eye contact.

“Something happened last night,” Hyunjin replied, watching his hyung’s every move. “I don’t know how I ended up in your bed, how I’m wearing your clothes and most importantly, you’re different. You… Well, it looks like you don’t mind my being back anymore.”

“I never minded, Hyunjin,” Minho murmured.

“Then what was it?”

Hyunjin needed answers now.

“Let’s eat first,” Minho calmly said.

“No. Hyung, please, tell me.”

“I will,” Minho said, finally meeting Hyunjin’s gaze. “I promise you, I will. But first, eat while it’s warm. It won’t be as good when it’s cold.”

“Fine,” Hyunjin huffed, picking up his chopsticks and digging into his food. 

After the first mouthful, Hyunjin was happily eating, humming and waving his cutlery around in an excited little dance. Minho tried to cover his fond smile by quickly finishing his bowl and getting up to do the dishes. When Hyunjin was done, Minho took the younger’s bowl and cleaned it. 

“Okay, we ate,” Hyunjin spoke first, looking at his hyung expectantly. 

“Right,” Minho replied, turning around to face the younger. “Uhm… let’s go to my room. We’ll get more privacy.”

Sitting on the bed, cross-legged Hyunjin kept fidgeting, shaking his foot rapidly and looking at his fingers playing with the material of the sweatpants. Minho approached him, biting the inside of his cheek, and cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin, for making you cry and for hurting you,” Minho shakily started. “I never meant to hurt you. The truth is… You leaving hit me harder than I thought. I hated every single day without you. I- I didn’t get to think about it too much, because the schedule was packed and because I was trying to be a good hyung to the others and help them through those months. When they said you’d be back, I went to the dorms and then I saw you. And that’s when I realised just how much your hiatus destroyed me. I couldn’t believe you were back, my brain couldn’t process it. All I could think about was the fact that this wasn’t real, that you weren’t back-” Minho stopped to take a deep breath. “I missed you,” he breathed. “So, so much. I never- I never realised just how much you meant to me until you were gone and I hated myself for it. When you were back, I was scared that you’d leave again. And then… then they decided to move us into different dorms, Hyunjin, I- my heart shattered at the news. I hate not sharing a room with you. I hate not seeing you in the morning. I hate not sharing late-night snacks with you. I hate not seeing your art all over the place- I hate it.” Minho swallowed the tears threatening to fall and already blurring his vision. “It made your return all the less real.”

Hyunjin listened, his throat tight, his hands trembling. He never imagined that this would be the reason for Minho’s odd behaviour. He never thought his hyung was hurting so much.

“Last night,” Minho continued, voice hoarse. “You passed out on my bed. I helped you change and then I went to bed as well. I didn’t want to wake you. I just wanted to get a chance to be close to you? I was close to you and I realised you really were back. That you were real. And then… you hugged me? Yeah. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin looked at Minho, his eyes filled with pain and love. He got up, walked to Minho, and gently cupped his face, forcing the older to look at him. And when he met his watery gaze, Hyunjin’s heart sank.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” he whispered. 

“I was scared,” Minho whispered back.

“Silly hyung,” Hyunjin said, emotion laced in his voice.

Minho looked down, trying to hide his tears from Hyunjin. The latter approached his face closer to Minho’s, gently bumping his nose against the older’s, making him look back up. Hyunjin looked at him for a moment, a gentle, loving smile on his face. And then slowly, he tilted his head to the side and softly pressed his lips against Minho’s mouth.

Minho closed his eyes, his lips trembling against Hyunjin’s, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. His hands gripped Hyunjin’s arms, sliding to his back to bring him closer until they were pressed against each other.

Hyunjin pulled away and wiped Minho’s tears with his thumbs. “Hyung,” he said softly. “Don’t cry. I’m right here.”

“I know,” Minho replied. 

“I’m not leaving, hyung.”

“Never again,” Minho whispered.

“Never again.”

***

When the other members noticed Minho teasing Hyunjin the next day, they shared a glance, sighing in relief. Things were finally back to normal. They were eight again. They had a comeback to prepare and it became easier to film the music videos, to record, to rehearse the choreography, now that the tension was gone.

One day, after filming their Studio Choom video and after Hyunjin and Minho’s endless bickering and teasing, the members went back to their dorms tired but happy. Instead of joining his own dorm, Hyunjin followed Minho to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He gasped when suddenly Minho cupped his face and brought him into a bruising kiss, pulling him towards the bed, Minho falling on it and Hyunjin following, hovering over his hyung. He pulled away and smiled down at Minho who smiled back.

“You’re evil, hyung,” Hyunjin pouted. 

Minho giggled and wrapped his legs around Hyunjin’s waist. “You get what you deserve, Hwang Hyunjin.”

“So mean,” Hyunjin whined.

“You enjoy it,” Minho replied with a smirk.

“Of course, I do,” Hyunjin smiled and pecked Minho’s lips. “As long as I get Hyung’s attention, I love it.”

Minho giggled again and pulled Hyunjin down for another kiss. 

“I love you, Hwang Hyunjin,” he said, once they pulled away.

Hyunjin beamed at Minho and pecked the older’s lips over and over until Minho was glaring at him, making Hyunjin laugh.

“I love you, hyung.”