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Lumine thinks she will never get used to Xiao being around her.
A long time passed since their first meeting and yet, she still feels the same mix of nervousness and excitement each time they see each other.
Being next to him is intoxicating and she craves his presence badly. Even when he's no longer around her, her skin doesn't stop burning and her heart keeps on racing.
Sometimes, Lumine thinks she feels his eyes on her, watching her everywhere she goes. That she can smell qingxin - it reminds her of his scent, sharp yet sweet - around her in places where it shouldn't be.
Walking through the dark empty alleys makes her surprisingly scared recently.
In some distant part of her mind, she can hear the lingering thought about what might be happening - how many times has she heard about crimes happening in places like this? - and it's nerve-wracking.
In the end, Lumine finds her senses being on high alert.
The rustling of dried leaves is enough to make her turn around, looking for any tell-tale signs of anyone following her–
There's none.
The deadly silence settles within the cold air as she holds in a breath. She must be going crazy, all of the intensity of her daily life taking a toll on her. Sanity seems like a privilege in the world full of danger hiding in each corner, sharpening its claws.
Her friends scaring her don't help much, either.
"As the old Liyue saying goes: 'the walls have ears.', Lumine. Even when you may think you're all alone, you're probably not. There always might be someone watching your every move."
A chill runs down her spine as the memory rushes in.
It's most likely just a joke - one that's picking at her fame since she tends to complain about it from time to time, dropping sarcastic comments about her reputation. After all, many people look at her when she's walking through the city solely because of the fact she's a famous traveler, the person who saved Liyue shortly after Rex Lapis' death. Both her friends and her know it.
Nevertheless, Lumine can't seem to get those words out of her head.
Someone watching her...
The only person who comes to her mind is Xiao.
Coming to save her and kill enemies for her isn't the same as observing her any time he has a chance to, though. A mighty adeptus like Xiao probably doesn't have many moments of freedom, anyway; there's no way she would occupy his thoughts.
There's no way he would allow himself to fall for her just like she did for him.
"Lumine."
The suddenness startles her.
She sees him in the corners of her vision, a glimpse of teal and golden flickering in the mirror; and that's when she reminds herself where she is now.
The bathroom. In her room in the Wangshu Inn. With Xiao. She was trying - or rather struggling - to put a crystalfly he gave her earlier today into her hair.
For how long has she been spacing out? She didn't even notice him coming here and standing right behind her...
And she ended up panicking. All because of her own imaginations.
Lumine tries to turn but a pair of hands clamps down on her shoulders, holding her still in place. She feels a warm breath on the back of her neck and then, hears a quiet clink of the crystalfly's wings.
"Oh!" her heart keeps on pounding in her ears as his fingers slide through her hair, clipping the shiny accessory into it. "Thank you, Xiao."
He hums and glances at her reflection, his hand slowly drops down onto her shoulder and lingers there for a second. when the touch disappears, her skin seems to burn.
"You're thinking too much. You've been spacing out ever since we came here from the city." Xiao states suddenly, the indifferent look in his eyes contrasting with the softness of his voice. "Is there something or someone in particular that you can't get out of your mind? Is it bothering you?"
Lumine blinks slowly, thinking about his question.
"No, not really."
Xiao tilts his head but doesn’t press further, silently waiting for an explanation.
"I was just thinking a little bit about us. Our travels together, I mean."
She adds the last sentence quickly, mindlessly toying with her fingers in a weak attempt to mask how flustered and distracted she is by the sheer proximity.
It wouldn't be surprising if Xiao has already seen it, though. Noticing how soft she becomes around him shouldn't be that hard.
"I'm really thankful for everything you do for me. You always show up so quickly and I have you around so often recently." her voice trembles. She tries not to notice it. "I know some of our meetings are a coincidence but still..."
Lumine lets out a deep breath.
"Not everybody has the chance to have a yaksha as their personal protector, you know. That's why I feel very honored."
"There's no need to thank me." he shrugs easily.
Even though Lumine knew it might be his reaction, she can't help but feel a ping of bitterness growing heavy inside her chest.
"I swore an oath to protect Liyue and its people. You are one of them, too. And..." Xiao pauses, running a hand through his hair.
Lumine silently watches him as he closes his eyes for a moment. A frown pulls at his features - almost as if he's restraining himself, bracing against another force.
Is there something on his mind? Something she has no idea about?
"Our bond is not something that anyone can break." Xiao murmurs slowly, his voice almost inaudible. "It would always make me watch over you, even if you didn't see me being right next to you at the time."
Lumine feels warmth rushing to her cheeks, her face flushing at his statement.
There's a hint of affection and something else she can't put a finger on in the tone of his voice; and somehow, it makes her chest swell with pride.
The sheer closure between Xiao and her now makes Lumine look back at the old days when their relationship started. Fragments of memory rush in, reminding her of how it used to be.
How she would circle around the balcony on the Wangshu Inn, waiting for him to show up. She didn't expect much more - just his presence, even if it's just a few minutes.
To be honest, his aloofness and tendency to isolate himself was a little bit frustrating to her usually as she had to come up with new strategies to win over him. No matter how hard Lumine tried to see through him, though, it was almost impossible.
Xiao is seemingly calm and apathetic, uninterested in anything, hiding the most crucial parts of himself on purpose.
And maybe that's true. Partially, at least.
He always seems to yearn to be in control over things - especially his feelings. Quite often Lumine watches him looking out for excuses to allow himself to do anything, fighting not only with his demons but his own self.
A quiet rustle brings Lumine out of her thoughts.
When she looks into the mirror in front of her, she sees Xiao's reflection. He didn't move - not even for an inch - remaining silent right behind her.
"Is there something wrong, Xiao? You're so quiet suddenly now..."
Lumine turns to him and reaches out to brush the hair out of his eyes. His eyelashes flutter when she touches him.
And then, after a split of second, his eyes fly open. The weight of his gaze is more intense than it was before.
"I think it's rather foolish that you let your guard down so much, no matter who you are with at the moment. If this was a battlefield, being so vulnerable would bring you nothing good." he stops and she holds in her breath. "Now, too, it's perilous."
Lumine feels prickles on her neck at the firm tone of her voice - whether her body tries to tell her to run away or to freeze, she's not sure.
But a distant part of her mind recalls all the times she's been panicking too much over nothing. Or imagining things that were not visible.
She must be doing that again.
"I know you wouldn't hurt me, though. You never do." Lumine answers easily with a quiet chuckle. "To be honest, you're more gentle than you might think. I would dare to say you're pretty harmless, even."
A second passes, then another.
Something flashes in Xiao's eyes, intense and treacherous; but as soon as Lumine blinks, it dissapears. His expression morphes into the usual unreadable one.
It must be just a trick of the light, she thinks.
"Oh? Am I really?"
Something shifts in the atmosphere.
Xiao suddenly moves forward, trapping Lumine in the corner of the bathroom. An instinctive shudder ripples through her body when she notices how achingly close he is. The sheer proximity between them awakes a strange sense of euphoria and anticipation that mixes with anxiety.
Xiao's figure towers over hers and only now she realizes that he's not only taller than her but also much stronger. He's not called the Conqueror of Demons for nothing. If only he wants to, he can do anything to her now.
She can hear how his breathing heavies and it makes her heartbeat speed up. She's nothing but a prey now.
But it's still Xiao, her Xiao.
The same Xiao she has always been dreaming about, the one she wants more than anything. She can trust him - and she swears she does.
Yet, she finds herself trembling.
"I might not hurt you but you seem to forget one more thing, Lumine."
He's watching her carefully. as if he's trying to learn her by heart, engrave her picture in his soul.
Suddenly, her whole body freezes, muscles tensing under his fingertips once his hand settles on her waist. The touch is gentle at first, hesitant almost. Lumine doesn't notice the exact moment when it makes the soft material of her dress wrinkle, too distracted by Xiao slowly leaning in, his face mere inches away from hers.
"I'm a man, too."
The kiss that follows is sudden - so messy and wanting.
In her dreams, Lumine has felt his lips on hers many times. She even started to think that she's going to run out of new scenarios soon and any of her fantasies won't be enough to satisfy her desire.
But even in her wildest dreams, she has never thought all of this could ever happen.
Xiao's kisses - although filled with noticeable affection and care - become more passionate once he's sure she doesn't regret a thing. Lust engulfs her and she doesn't notice his hand tugging on the hem of her dress. When she does, however, she feels too weak to withdraw.
Not that she would want to.
The way Xiao pulls her towards him until her body is pressed against him seems to only fuel her desire. Lumine returns every kiss with equal fervour, losing herself in him.
She feels his fingers easily sliding down from her waist, right between her thighs and–
Oh.
Her brain seems to dim when Xiao's palms slide with purpose up until his fingers are ghosting over her clothed sex.
It takes him barely a few seconds to push her panties aside. His touch is delicate over her clit and Lumine can feel that he's careful. But soon, his actions become more bold, making her burn in the flames of his affection and awaking the needy tension in her lower stomach.
Xiao splits his attention between rubbing quick circles and drawing slow aimless patterns over her entrance. She wonders how it's possible that a mere touch of his hand is enough to make a mess out of her.
"Xiao." his name escapes her lips in a breathless whisper akin to a sacred prayer. All of the other words suddenly seem to die on the tip of her tongue. "I– for how long you...?"
"Too long."
The response comes immediately now that he doesn't have to fight the desire. Lumine sees his eyes sparkling with hunger as he indulges himself in the impulse.
She, too, seems to get lost in the pleasure.
Xiao didn't even touch her properly yet she's already wet, dripping with arousal as his fingers slide between her folds. She doesn't even mind when his other hand slowly slides down the material of her dress from her chest, exposing her breasts.
Maybe she should get annoyed and push him away. But when his fingertip flickers over her clit, Lumine finds subconsciously getting impatient, waiting for him to take her or at least push his fingers inside her and–
"It's hard to hold back when I hear the way you say my name and see the way you look at me. It's hard when I watch you every day and it makes me feel. It turns me into something else than I usually am."
...Every day?
"Simply watching from afar is not enough now."
Lumine freezes, holding her breath.
Although her mind remains dimmed with the ghost of pleasure and want, his words ring inside her brain like a curse.
Every day. He's been watching her every single day.
she doesn't even take the commissions to fight enemies that often - and even if she did, most of them aren't dangerous enough to require Xiao watching over her to protect her. she can be reckless at times, that's true, but she's more than able to take care of herself during the mundane activities.
So why?
Why would he quietly circle around her? To make sure she won't stray away? To observe the patterns of her behaviour and learn it by heart solely to know when come out from the shadows and catch her?
Lumine feels both hesitant and alarmed, her mind furiously fixated on finding the reason behind Xiao's doing.
But then, his hand presses against her core; and the cold realization washes over her.
He's a man, too. And he wants her.
The demons have been clawing at him incessantly all this time he's been watching her. Or perhaps, they've been doing this for even longer, quieting only once he - much to his own horror - noticed them.
The only natural reaction is growing more delirious the longer Xiao indulges himself now.
"But you're too reckless for your own good, Lumine."
Before she can comprehend his words, he suddenly pushes her up against the sink, his chest pressed tightly against her back. The predatory look in Xiao's eyes reflected in the mirror makes something in Lumine rise like panic.
It takes everything in her not to think about how the whole situation makes her feel. How being a prey doesn't only make her scared but also pliant. How his narrowed gaze sends sparks skittering down her skin and builds up the tension in her stomach.
Her chest is aching as adrenaline and want rushes through her veins, head spinning.
"W-what?" it's breathless, inaudible. "I have no idea what you mean."
"You two seem awfully close. You and that harbinger."
There's a sharp edge to his voice that makes Lumine shiver, anxiety mixing with a strange sense of comfort when Xiao's fingers spread along one of her breasts, groping at the flesh roughly as if to ground himself.
A part of her still yearns for more.
She teeters on the edge of possibility of feeling his lips against hers again, of undressing her even further and leaving none of her body untouched–
"No, no, no." she blurts out, words spilling out of her lips rapidly as she lets herself fall. "It's not like that."
Xiao tilts his head, interest sharpening his gaze as he watches her carefully.
"Child is an acquaintance, nothing more. It's true he can be..." she bites her lower lip. "Uh, well... a little bit clingy at times, I guess. But I swear it doesn't mean anything! I'm more than sure he's just playing around."
Lumine watches Xiao hum, his expression remaining unreadable before he speaks up again, the tone of his voice so firm that it feels almost cold.
"Then who am I to you? Just an acquaintance? A friend?"
She can feel his fingers shaking as he allows them to slide over her nipple.
Deep inside, he's nervous. Over the centuries, Xiao was able to master his patience and develop a sense of self-control stronger than any human mind can fathom.
And yet, his rationality crumbles in front of her.
"I don't want you as a friend, Lumine."
She shivers at the sound of his voice.
Xiao rarely says her name but once he does, he makes it sound special, almost as if it's a glorious prayer to him.
Before she can think about anything - she's not sure if she could, anyway; she's too dizzy and yearning makes her physically ache - her lips part.
"You're more than that already." she whispers slowly, her fingers clutching on the material of his shirt. "You have always been."
Everything after that happens fast.
It's hard to tell apart what Xiao does when he's chasing her lips, his touch hot and searching. All she can do is gasp into the kiss, her body arching into him as if she's unable to resist the temptation, too. As if she's already allowed herself to feel everything he's willing to grant her.
Once he pulls away, Lumine whimpers, craving to feel the softness of his lips against her own again. But she can't focus on the feeling for too long when suddenly Xiao wraps his fingers around her wrists.
And then, just like that, he bends her over.
The cold sink contrasts with the warmth of her body, making her yelp and writhe in his hold. But he doesn't let her go, both of her hands fitting snugly into one of his palms while the other moves against her bare skin.
Lumine doesn't hear it when he takes off his pants, heartbeat echoing in her ears like an omen of what will come. Her panties are long gone, too, as Xiao settles between her legs. He takes her thighs in his hands, guiding them apart.
Once she feels something - his tip, she recognizes - nudging against her core, a shiver runs down her spine. Before Lumine can muster the strength to do anything other than whimper, she can feel him already sinking into her, filling her up with one fluid thrust.
He stays still for a moment, coaxing her into enjoying this moment together with him.
"I tried to suppress it, at first." his lips press onto her shoulder, his voice a tremor against her skin. "This static greedy yearning in my head that kept on telling me to be closer to you. To look at you all the time, to reach out and touch you, and call you mine."
Xiao begins to move inside of her - each thrust slow and shallow, and somehow, it feels like it's meant more so for her comfort than to chase his own climax.
When he starts tracing his fingers softly over her clit, she clenches around his cock. It feels so good, too good.
Every word blurs together and melding into an unintelligible noise that almost makes her forget about his previous confession. If not for the silent shock lingering in the back of her mind, it would fade into nothing by now.
Yet the anxiety remains overshadowed by the yearning.
"But it's stronger than me and I can't... I can't just look away now. You drive me crazy, Lumine."
She bites back a whimper. It's getting harder and harder to think when he thrusts up into her, the razor-sharp focus behind his every action.
The world around her - the inn and the small bathroom they're in - fades away, little by little, until all she knows is him. Until all she feels is his fingers toying with her drenched pussy and his cock deep inside her, moving non-stop like he's been starving to devour her his whole life.
"When you're not with me, something rips my heart apart. I see you every time I close my eyes. there isn't a thing that doesn't remind me of you." Xiao hums and Lumine finds herself tongue-tied. "For the first time, I truly want something."
Another thrust, this time deeper.
"I want you. I want you so bad, lumine."
There's a thin line between love and greed.
A soft touch can turn into a grip, claws digging into the soft flesh until it hurts. Soft kisses can easily become more fierce, vicious as one bares their teeth to bite. The growing obsession is a force that cannot be easily stopped.
But then again, what is love if not a selfish desire to have, to give and to take - to have someone only for yourself, keep the person you adore as close to you as possible so they won't walk away?
Xiao's hand slides over her chest, his lips latched onto his neck.
Even if Lumine tried, she can't deny that both of them are already in too deep, spiraling out of control and losing themselves in the fleeting pleasure.
"Please..." she gasps, her eyelids fluttering shut.
He keeps going, though, until her lungs burn in her chest. She can't hear anything but her own voice pleading him to notice her struggle. The faint pangs of overstimulation and the slight stretch become harsh and manic thrusts.
It should hurt but it doesn't. Pain morphs into an intoxicating pleasure, a blissful euphoria. Lumine only seems to get more addicted to the rush and Xiao.
He smirks against her skin, teeth nibbling on the delicate skin of her jaw. She feels him dragging his mouth along her throat, the sensation making fail to catch a deep breath.
"You look so pretty like this, Lumine."
It takes everything in her to glance up at the mirror when xiao tips her head back. Her vision is blurred and the only thing she notices is hand sliding over her stomach and pressing down.
"Mhmm..."
A low chuckle escapes his lips in response. "You're always beautiful in my eyes."
Xiao takes in everything, carefully. His eyes travel over every inch of her body as if he's committing her to his memory, relishing every single moment. As if he wants to remember all of the expressions and muffled little noises she makes when she feels him running his tongue over her pulse.
But then, he bites down her neck and sucks.
The sensations are sudden and novel, making Lumine cry out in pain. Everything seems to crash into her all at once - the way he moves restlessly and brands himself upon her so completely that no one will ever mistake who she belongs to.
Xiao grabs her chin, forcing her to face the mirror.
"Look."
Once her gaze refocuses, she notices her golden eyes glazed over with want staring back at her. Her lips are bitten red, cheeks flushed and blonde hair falling forward to cover her face. His marks are on her neck, a crimson promise staining her soft skin, and her dress barely covers her body, loosely hanging around her waist.
Her eyes drop lower, roaming across her bare chest to her stomach to glance between her glistening thighs and–
Purposefully, Xiao pushes deeper into her and Lumine closes her eyes shut, ashamed.
Something within her aches. The image of his cock sliding into her and her swollen clit and his hands all over her body haunts her even when her eyes are closed, the shameful sounds of sex echoing in her ears.
"Do you like it?" he murmurs into the sensitive skin of her neck between the kisses. "Does it feel good? Hm?"
Her hips jump in place involuntarily, a clear indicator of her agreement. It's more honest than any words she may be able to offer in reply.
Yet Xiao doesn't seem satisfied with it.
His grip on her chin tightens, tilting her head back. It's clear he won't let up until she responds.
His mouth latches back onto her collarbone and lumine cries out, eyes widening. When she meets his gaze, he doesn’t look away; and somehow, she forgets how to breathe again.
It's hard to do it, anyway, when he's still forcing her to take him until she feels so full, wetness dripping down her thighs—
Another moan escapes her parted lips.
"You know the answer already... I'm sure you do."
A part of her wonders how Xiao can be so composed when she's not lucid enough to think about anything that's not him. He must have wanted this from the very start and now he's just trying to prove a point and make her his.
She couldn't care less, though. Not when he pinches her sensitive nipple, twisting her between his fingers until she cries out. "Please, xiao... I need you, only you."
Xiao curses under his breath, his hips jerking into her, moves fierce and harsh. His grip on her wrists tightens ever so slightly.
"Say my name again."
His voice is lower than usual - it reminds her of sin, raspy and rough - as if something feral slowly awakes within him.
Maybe it does. And maybe, just maybe, he's starving now even more than before.
Lumine shivers at the thought.
The contrast between his feverish thrusts and sweet kisses makes her tremble, the tension in her lower stomach in the cusps of snapping. She closes her eyes, mouth desperately hanging agape.
"Xiao." she whispers, too dazed to deny his request. "Xiao, Xiao, ah, Xiao...."
The sound of his name makes something inside him break.
Even without looking at him, Lumine can feel it. A little more force in every move, a little more strength in his grip. A little more motivation to drive her much closer to the inevitable breaking point.
His fingertips press a little firmer against her clit, pleasure bordering on pain; and before she can realize what happens, she comes undone with Xiao's name on her lips. She feels him rubbing circles into her skin as if to soothe her pain.
But he doesn't stop devouring her, chasing his own climax with so much intensity that Lumine thinks she might really break.
The mere thought is enough to scare her. Everything is so overwhelming - his constant thrusts and fingers circling over her sensitive core - and she just wants him to fill her up so she won't be able to think anymore.
"W-wait! Slow down!"
Xiao doesn't let her rest, though, not even for a second. And it's so good but it's too much, too much–
In the space filled with their hot shallow breaths, Lumine hears her own name.
Her body teeters, muscles twitching each time he pushes deeper. She can feel his hand clawing into her, his hips pressing further onto hers; and then, something hot spills inside her.
Lumine doesn't have it in herself to even make an attempt to pull away. Neither is she sure if she truly wants to.
Instead, she closes her eyes when Xiao's fingers touch her forehead gently, brushing her bangs away. She feels his lips on her temple, a soft kiss lingering on her skin like a promise.
"Don't worry, Lumine, I'm right here." his voice is merely a whisper, soothing and quiet. "I will always be."
Just like he has been all this time but now much closer than ever before.