Chapter Text
Rex didn’t struggle to get out of bed at his alarm, but no longer was he immediately alert the way he had been during the war. Wartime Rex would spring out of bed and listen for alert sirens. Assuming no klaxons sounded, Wartime Rex would check his comm and his pad for anything demanding his immediate attention. If, by some blessing of the force, none of those derailed him, Wartime Rex proceeded through a hastened hygiene process and, if somehow there was still nothing demanding his attention, Wartime Rex would get to enjoy a cup of instant caf.
Peacetime Rex no longer sprung out of bed. Peacetime Rex took a moment to rub his eyes and stretch his muscles. Peacetime Rex would then shuffle to the kitchen and put on a pot of caf. An actual drip pot. It was magical.
Once, while on Naboo with Anakin and Padme, Rex had been given a pour over caf. It was flavorful, without bitterness, and so smooth Rex was certain something was added, until he watched it be made. Padme saw how much Rex enjoyed it and taught him how to make pour over caf. After returning to Coruscant, a pour over maker was delivered to Rex’s apartment, with a small note saying it was a belated housewarming gift from the Amidalas. Peacetime Rex had enjoyed pour over caf for a few weeks, but soon realized he would have to wake up earlier in order to truly enjoy a cup before it was time to leave for work.
That was when he acquired a drip pot. Peacetime Rex refused to go back to instant caf, but a drip pot was a good compromise between the efficiency of Wartime Rex and the luxurious decadence of Spent a Week on Naboo Rex. Sometimes, when he had no plans on a weekend morning, he would still go through that long process to enjoy the added smoothness. Relaxing Weekend Rex really did have a lot in common with Naboo Rex, after all.
So Peacetime Rex started his pot of coffee, then went to the fresher to wash his face, brush his teeth, put on some lotion he had gotten when his face got itchy, and trimmed his beard. Peacetime Rex was experimenting with a new look.
Then he returned to the kitchen, poured himself a mug of caf, pulled up the Coruscant Daily Times on his pad. Rex froze.
Chancellor Organa Negotiates End to Enforced Austerity of Former Separatist Systems
An end to the blockade. An end to the ludicrous austerity measures that restricted food and medical supplies.
Rex was trying very hard to be relieved that people would no longer be forced to suffer for the actions of their former leaders. And he was happy for them. Rex was always happy for the easing of suffering, especially in the post war recovery when it always seemed like there was too much hardship and not enough resources to go around.
But that wasn’t why Rex was happy. Rex was happy because there was no more reason for Ahsoka to stay away. There was no more need for her to smuggle supplies and risk exposure. Fulcrum could disappear and Ahsoka could reappear and no one needed know about her brief multi year stint with altruistic piracy.
—
Ahsoka did finally come back to Coruscant. A full year after the end of the austerity measures. Eight months after Chancellor Organa secured pardons for anyone implicated in ‘piracy to benefit impacted worlds’. Rex didn’t know why she stayed away for so long, but that didn’t matter, because she was back now.
Six years since he last saw her in this same apartment, she stood on the other side of the room, watching the Amidala twins open gifts for their seventh birthday. Anakin was looking back and forth between the twins and Ahsoka, unwilling to miss a moment of his children’s joy but terrified that if he looked away for too long Ahsoka would disappear.
Rex understood how he felt. Every time he looked back to where Ahsoka was standing, part of him was surprised to still see her there, like he expected her to have been a hallucination. Some sort of mass delirium caused by so many people who missed her in one place.
After cake and dinner and the children were finally put to bed, Rex stood on the balcony, watching the trailing lights of the traffic lanes. The breeze ruffled his hair, a sensation Rex was still learning to enjoy. Like so many things in his life lately, Rex couldn’t help but compare it to Saleucami. The breeze there was warmer, and cleaner. It didn’t carry the particular odor he knew Coruscant carried, the one that always caught him off guard when he returned to the planet and disgusted him when he realized he had gotten used to it. The breeze on Coruscant occasionally carried some remnant of trash, dancing it between the buildings, twirling in invisible eddies. Saleucami carried pollen, small leaves, and bird songs in its breeze. Rex closed his eyes and watched the high grasses dance and wave under a warm wind. A golden, peaceful counterpart to the dark and violent waves Rex had grown up with.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
Rex watched the grasses flow for another breath before he opened his eyes and turned to her, “Of course not.” Rex waved his hand to the space next to him, “I would love your company. Maybe you can even tell me about all of the trouble you have gotten into since I last saw you.”
As Ahsoka approached, a soft laugh escaped her lips, “Shockingly I haven’t gotten into much trouble since I last saw you.”
Rex arched an eyebrow.
“I haven’t, honest. After my little incident I had to lay low for a while, then I only had a few more jobs before the blockades were lifted. And once the blockades were lifted, supplies started funneling where they needed to be so quickly that I wasn’t even needed to bridge the gap.”
“Was the relief effort that efficient?”
Ahsoka looked at him, mischief dancing in her eyes, “Well, the official one no, but my suppliers were ready, and I had been keeping them apprised of where the need was greatest. As soon as it was legal, they rushed in with their fleets, and my services were no longer needed.”
Rex pondered that for a moment before remembering a news holo about the end of the austerity measures. The first ships to reach the embargoed planets were not Republic Venators but Alderaanian Corvettes and Chandrillan aid vessels. Rex shook his head, of course Chancellor Organa knew as soon as the agreement was reached. Of course he already had ships supplied and ready. Of course Ahsoka had been in contact with people to get supplies. Why had that not occurred to him before? Sure she could smuggle the supplies, but she wasn’t raiding GAR outposts, and there were no reports of stolen medical supplies. It made sense that she worked with some of the more charitable planets to get their supplies where they could not be seen taking them.
Rex was glad to know she had had allies. So why did it hurt to know how many people she had been in contact with, how many people she had relied upon for help, that weren’t him and his brothers?
The thoughts he tried so hard to stop were leaking in again. Had she truly trusted any of them since her trial? Would she ever?
Rex closed his eyes; the rippling grasses were farther away.
Ahsoka’s hand on his arm saved him from his spiral. Her eyes were still lovely, though no longer as blue as he remembered them, they were almost greyer now. He tried not to think they looked sadder. She held his arm now, her face showed her concern, “Rex, is everything ok?”
“Why didn’t you come back?” It came out before Rex knew what he was saying. Yes, it was a question he wanted answered, but did it need to be answered now?
Apparently, to his mind, it did. Rex cursed the relaxing of military decorum over the last many years. If he were still calling her commander he wouldn’t have asked such a personal question.
He wouldn’t have felt entitled to that information.
If it were years ago, he would have known. He wouldn’t have had to ask.
Ahsoka’s gaze had turned to the ground again, Movement caught Rex’s attention, so he also looked down. Ahsoka was moving the toe of her boot back and forth over a scuff on the polished tile, attempting to buff it out.
Rex watched Ahsoka work on the scuff, completely at a loss for how to walk back what he had just demanded to know.
So caught up in how to make this right, Rex almost missed her quiet answer, “I was afraid of how things would have changed.”
Ahsoka wrapped her arms around herself now. It was a pose he was familiar with. After intense debriefings and hard campaigns, his commander would wrap her arms around herself, as though it would keep the outside world from ripping her apart.
Rex supposed that made sense, things had certainly changed since she had been gone, but why was she still afraid of what had changed? She had already seen how much the twins had grown, had already caught up with Anakin and Echo and learned all about their prosthesis start up. Sure some of the 501st had moved off world, but they were all happy. Maybe she missed them? If that were the case, Rex would just have to set up some holo calls, maybe a visit or two. They could work through it.
But for now, Rex just wanted to spend some time with his best friend and let her know the important things hadn’t changed. The few days he had spent helping her recover from her injury, over a year ago, had certainly helped ease any awkwardness, but that didn’t change the fact that they had missed large portions of each other's lives.
Rex refused to let that continue, “The party is about over, would you like to get some caf and catch up? I know a spot not far from here.”
Ahsoka looked up at him, something like relief in her eyes, “I would love that.”
Rex led the way back into the apartment and they made their goodbyes. Ahsoka promised Anakin she would be back the next day. Rex was sure that assurance was the only thing that had Anakin saying goodbye to her so easily.
—
A cool evening breeze greeted them as they walked out of the senatorial apartment building. The sun was fully set now, but the sky still held some shades of purple. If they were in a less industrialized place, stars would be appearing soon.
As Rex started walking them towards the coffee shop, he decided to continue their conversation, albeit a little more delicately this time, “So, once the blockades were lifted and you didn’t have any pressing smuggling to do, where did you go?”
Ahsoka tilted her head towards the night sky as she answered, “Remember why I told you I had to leave?”
He did. Rex tried to never think of how broken she had looked the night she told him she was leaving, but he had run over her words in his head every day since. She didn’t trust herself. She blamed herself. Maul had been right.
Rex did not vocalize any of those thoughts, choosing instead to nod and give an affirming hum.
Ahsoka did not press for more and continued, “When I first left, I knew I needed to figure all of that,” Ahsoka made a circling motion with her hand, “out. And I tried to focus on that, I really did. I went to places there had once been temples of Jedi and other force sects. I went to Jedha and spent time with the Guardians of the Whills, but I couldn’t focus. My mind was still too clouded. Truthfully I don’t think I was ready. I was still too close to what had happened and I didn’t help myself with how I closed myself off for that year I did stay on Coruscant.
“So when I heard of people starving and in need of medical aid, it wasn’t hard to divert my attention.”
After so much time around Jedi, Rex thought he understood some of the force, not much but some. Rex knew what it looked like when a Jedi couldn’t center themselves as they needed to, when there were too many outside pressures trying to exert their will. Rex had seen it in General Kenobi on Kadavo. Rex had seen it in General Skywalker during the waning months of the war. Rex had seen it in Ahsoka the night she told him she had to go.
Cody had confided in him the struggles General Kenobi had had after Kadavo. The 212th had been without their general for a month while Kenobi worked with healers, both physical and mental. Even after General Kenobi rejoined the 212th, he still had standing holo appointments with his mind healer. Anakin still worked with mind healers regularly to recover from the war and the sith manipulations. That Ahsoka struggled as well wasn’t a surprise, but it still hurt to hear.
Their hands brushed as they walked. Rex fought the urge to hold on.
“So I did relief work for a few years.”
Rex snorted, “Relief work. Is that what we’re calling it?”
Relief work was a fair name for it, at any other time that is what it would have been, but relief work didn’t usually include a capture on sight order.
Ahsoka smacked his shoulder, “Yes relief work. As I was saying, I did that for a few years, as you know, and then that wasn’t needed anymore. I was once again left with the journey I started out on.”
Ahsoka was a little more subdued as she continued, “I returned to Jedha for a time, then traveled to a moon in the Yavin system. For some reason this time it was all easier. Meditation was finally easy again, in a way it hadn’t been since before,” Ahsoka paused for a moment, “since before everything.”
Rex couldn’t be sure, but something about the way she said everything told him it predated her departure from Coruscant. How long had this been a problem? Since before Mandalore? Since before she left the Jedi?
Since before she had been sent to fight a war?
“I ended up on Lothal. There is an ancient temple there, and when I meditated I felt impressions of what could have been.” Ahsoka’s breath stuttered. “It was terrible. It could have been terrible. But I also saw myself in those times and I realized nothing I could have done would have changed things. I was so caught up in thinking about how I could have changed things for the better, I didn’t consider how I could have made things worse. If I had accepted Maul’s offer, there is no guarantee he wouldn’t have dragged me down with him.”
Rex didn’t think that was very fair, Ahsoka wouldn’t have fallen, she couldn’t. But Maul was persuasive and cunning, and a fair amount more powerful than she had been.
“The fact is, nothing I was going to do would have changed how things turned out. We avoided disaster because Master Kenobi was with Anakin. We avoided disaster because Anakin made the right choice when it mattered.
“When I saw myself in those futures, I wasn’t saving the galaxy, I was just helping. I helped where I could and I tried my hardest.”
Ahsoka came to a stop and Rex turned to face her. He finally noticed how much lighter she appeared, less burdened. “I did then exactly what I did for the past six years, I saw a need and I tried to fill it. I finally realized that’s all I can ask of myself.”
Rex placed both of his hands on her shoulders and said, “I am so proud of you Ahsoka. You have always been amazing, I am glad you are finally seeing it too.”
Ahsoka chuckled at that and Rex thought he saw a tear trail down her cheek before she put her hands over his and said, “I thought you said we were getting caf.”
With a bark of laughter Rex slung his arm over her shoulder and continued towards the cafe.
—
In the cafe, ther were kitschy pictures of caf mugs with steam rising off of them and a lothcat roaming between the patrons, looking for scratches and bits of pastry. Flimsi books sat, unorganized on shelves surrounding the few tables, inviting customers to sit and explore a new tome.
Rex and Ahsoka approached the woman behind the counter and ordered. Pour over for Rex, a medium roast from Shili. Ahsoka ordered a latte. It came in a wide mug she could wrap both of her hands around to warm them. Once they had their beverages, Ahsoka picked a table with a small emerald colored couch for seating. The corner it was situated in provided privacy while also offering a view of the rest of the bistro.
Rex sat down next to Ahsoka, enjoying the comfort of the worn cushions, and tried to ignore how their thighs touched as they turned towards each other.
Rex took a moment to enjoy the peace written on Ahsoka’s face as she looked all around the bistro, taking everything in.
“Rex, this place is amazing. How did you find it?”
“Kix found it actually. He wanted some place other than the barracks to study for his medical school entrance exams. He enjoyed it so much he started coming here anytime he needed time to be productive.” Rex smiled as he remembered how excited Kix was to have found a place he felt at peace that was just for him. It eased a lot of his anxiety in the weeks leading up to his exams. “One day Kix invited me to join him. He didn’t get much studying done that day, I think he just wanted to talk.”
Ahsoka smiled as she looked around at the various books, “That’s wonderful. I can see Kix loving it here. It’s peaceful, and there is so much to explore.” Ahsoka sat back and nodded her head, “Yeah, this is definitely a Kix place.”
“Whenever Kix comes back to Coruscant, we always make sure to come here.”
“Where is Kix?”
“Alderaan. He was accepted into the Alderaanian Royal School of Medicine.” Rex couldn’t help the wide smile on his face, he was so proud of his brother. “As soon as retirements were offered, Kix took his and he got into one of the most prestigious schools in the galaxy. He only has two years left. They counted his time as a medic as part of a residency.”
“That’s amazing Rex.”
Rex smirked at her, knowing she wouldn’t appreciate what he was about to say, “Yeah, it is. He can practice now as a medical student, so we will be going there next week so you can get a check-up.”
Ahsoka stopped and blinked at him, “Rex, you wouldn’t.”
“Kix wasn’t happy when I told him the shape you were in last time I saw you. To appease him, we will be going to visit him, so you can prove to him you have been taking care of yourself and he can take me off of his osik list.”
Ahsoka tipped her head, “Fair enough. It will be nice to see Kix, although I am not excited to be his patient again.”
Rex chuckled, “Understandable.”
Ahsoka tilted her head and looked at Rex for a moment, “So what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Have you given any thought to retirement?”
Rex swallowed. Of course he had given thought to his retirement. He had given endless thought to it. He just didn’t act on it.
After Rex returned from his ‘little vacation’, he was agitated and he couldn’t figure out why. It was Cody, who eventually forced him to confront the issue. It was Ahsoka. They had spent years building a friendship, then, as soon as he started to feel something more, she was gone.
How did he tell her he could only think about a retirement if she was in it?
“You told me you wanted to find a farm and start a family.”
Rex had to stop falling into these thought rabbit holes. He was going to miss everything she said.
“Yeah,” Rex rubbed the back of his neck, “I haven’t really gotten started on that yet.”
“I suppose it would be hard to find a farm while still on Coruscant. Have you,” Ahsoka’s voice broke and she paused a moment before continuing, “Have you found anyone you want to work that farm with?”
Rex blinked. Then he blinked a few more times while he tried to interpret the question. Rex had no idea what that meant.
“Someone to run the farm with?” he echoed back.
Ahsoka stared into her mug, “That probably wasn’t the best place to start. I suppose I was more wondering if you had found anyone that you could picture yourself with, long term.”
Oh. That made slightly more sense.
Before Rex could answer, Ahsoka continued, “You know what, that was wildly inappropriate. Why would that be any of my business?”
Ahsoka turned her face to the city lights outside the cafe window. Fully night now, the buildings sparkled on the skyline.
“I abandoned you and I know we were close but I left you and you don’t have to share any of this with me.” Ahsoka waved one hand in his direction, “I mean you are my best friend and I abandoned you, twice!” This time Ahsoka held up two fingers. “It’s none of my business whether or not you found someone you love and I am sorry for invading your privacy like this.”
Before he could think better of it Rex blurted out, “I have!” Ahsoka’s head shot up, eyes wide, “Found someone to love, that is.”
Ahsoka turned her head slightly, without looking at him she replied, “I’m happy for you.”
Tears shone in her eyes, tears that she refused to let fall. Rex closed his eyes as he gathered his courage, gathered the words he wanted to say.
“It’s you, Ahsoka. I love you. And this is clearly far too forward, but I have known since you told me why you had to leave. It tore my heart out and I knew.”
Rex felt his own tears falling as he placed his hand on hers, “you asked if I had found anyone to work a farm with. It’s you. It’s you or it’s no one. If you turn me down, I will find somewhere to retire and I will be happy and peaceful, enjoying my peace and quiet and solitude.”
Rex lifted her hand and held it in both of his, “but if you want to, there is a place for you next to me wherever I go.” Rex shook his head, “Or I will follow you wherever you want to go. If you don’t want a farm but you do want me, that’s fine.” Rex was rambling now. “I just want you to know that if you wanted, I would love to be with you, no matter where you are.”
There. It was all out there. What would she do with it now?
Ahsoka looked in Rex’s eyes, before tilting her head to press their foreheads together. They sat like that for a few breaths before Ahsoka replied, “Have you picked a planet for our farm?”
Rex couldn’t help the broad smile that spread on his face. He quickly dropped her hand and placed both of his palms on her cheeks. Tears had finally fallen from her eyes and Rex brushed them aside with his thumbs.
“I love you, Ahsoka.”
Ahsoka gasped before she replied, smile wide on her face, “I love you too.”