Chapter Text
He was sick.
He must be.
Otherwise, there would be no reason for him to harbor these emotions -- this twisted desire. It was a smoldering darkness that coiled like smoke, whispering to him as if were the snake in Eden. The fruit that hung from the tree had ripened into a crimson red, its alluring scent tempting him to pluck it from the branch and sink his teeth into its flesh.
It was poison.
Sweet, sweet poison.
He could almost taste it on his lips, could feel it wash over his tongue and wet his throat. The hunger was known as 'greed', and it gnawed like a starved beast in his stomach.
If he looked into the mirror, he’d see a man depraved staring back at him in its foggy reflection. His hair was untamed, soaked with sink water and left to hang in front of his eyes. He looked strange and unfamiliar.
"Nai?"
It was not the serpent that called to him, but a flower. One so lovely, so cruel in his beauty that his soul was shaken to its very core.
He gripped at the edge of the sink, his knuckles a ghostly white.
He breathed. Once. Twice.
A gentle hand touched his back.
The mirror cracked.
Once upon a time, they were one and the same. Mirror images of one another, unable to be discerned at first glance. Back then, they were symmetrical with their matching hair and coordinated clothes. There were differences, of course, if someone knew how to look for them.
Their hair had been a slightly different shade. Vash a little more sun-kissed, unlike his forever porcelain brother. Nai had a cooler demeanor, calm and collected despite their young age, while Vash remained as pure and innocent as the rest.
No, that was wrong.
Vash was more than that. More than them. As if lowly bugs could ever compare to his baby brother.
"Nai, what'cha thinking about?"
He was broken out of his thoughts and looked to his brother. They sat in the small plastic chairs next to one another, away from the other children that ran around in search of colored eggs. Nai had chosen not to participate, not keen on rummaging through the brush or dirtying his hands in search for the meager treats the adults hid away. His twin thought otherwise, however, having returned with a small basket full of the little toys.
"Nothing. Just waiting to go home." The answer was honest, though Vash seemed to pout for it. Nai wanted nothing more than to return to the quiet of their own backyard, away from the loud chatter and screaming whines when a child didn't get their way. The only saving grace is that he is here with Vash.
"You haven't moved an inch since you sat down, though!"
"I moved."
"Yeah, when you got hungry."
"Yes, but I moved."
"Ugh..."
Vash groaned in exasperation. In any other person, Nai would have found it astoundingly annoying but -- though he feigned annoyance all the same -- he could never find himself without a little fondness for his brother, no matter what. Even if he was being a whiney thing.
"C'mon, Nai..." Vash persisted once more, this time reaching out to tug at his twin's sleeve. Those deep blue eyes grew big and owlish, thick brows furrowing, bottom lip jutted out and trembling. A puppyish look that Vash knew how to wear too well. One that Nai, despite himself, was all too weak to. He sighed.
"What?"
"Just come find one egg with me, okay?" Vash continued, "Just one! And then we can both beg Rem to go home together. She won't be able to resist both of us!"
Nai hummed, contemplating. That was true enough; Rem knew how to handle the twins on their own, having years of practice in wrangling their individual personalities. Yet, when faced with both with their likened needs, she had no choice but to concede lest she have two children throwing a fit. As if one wasn't already more than enough for a single guardian, especially at a public function.
"Alright," Nai finally agreed, slipping off his seat and patting down his shorts, "Just one, and then we go to Rem."
"Yeah!" Practically leaping from his seat, Vash's feet landed on the ground with a soft 'thud'. He attached himself to Nai's arm almost immediately, like a magnet. A complaint began to rise in Nai's throat, only to be smothered out when faced with those shining eyes and bright smile. Whatever fight he may have held, it had been wiped away with a flood of warmth.
"Over here! I don't think anyone's looked this way, yet."
"Alright, alright..."
Nai allowed himself to be dragged along through the park, past the merriment of other children who glanced their way. Some of them paused to wave at Vash, others gave him curious looks but we're too timid or intimidated to acknowledge his presence. Whether it was his quieter demeanor, or his almost glacial gaze, children and adults alike seemed reluctant to meet him. Sometimes, it was a bit lonely -- he was only a child himself, after all -- but when Vash looks back at him with his glimmering eyes and sunshine smile, he found that he couldn't care less.
"Whoa...!"
He stops when Vash does and follows his gaze. There, standing bravely before them, was a small white rabbit. It didn't flinch as the twins approached and crouched in front of it, seeming just as curious as Vash when he leaned in as far as he deemed safe to get a closer look. The animal mimicked him, sitting on its back legs to meet him half-way. Their noses touched, and Vash giggled.
"Ah, it kissed me!" He laughed, a grin spread wide on his face and his cheeks a rosy pink. Endearment warmed in Nai's chest, and he chuckled along with his brother.
"It's just like you." Nai mused aloud.
"Huh?"
Vash looked to him again with the same curiosity the rabbit had shown them not long ago, only further proving the point. The discovery amused Nai, had him reaching out a hand to ruffle the other's sun-gold hair as if he truly were the older brother.
"You're so useless without me," he finally answered, earning an offended squawk. "You're just like this rabbit, letting anyone approach you, not even thinking if they'd want to harm you in any way."
"Hey, come on, that's not nice--"
"That's why I'm here."
Vash paused in his complaints, blue eyes wide and filled with wonder. Amazement. Yes, this is how it should be. Because Nai is the big brother, Vash needs him. Because he was the big brother, he knew what was best for Vash.
"I'll protect you, my Vash."
Over time, Nai's chilly personality soon became one that attracted others in a strange way.
Rather than being seen as unapproachable, by the time they were amid middle school he was seen as someone charming. A prince that hailed from frost and snow, intelligent and beautiful. A prize to be won amongst those who tried to take their shot at romance with him.
But he was never interested.
A friendly acquaintance or a fellow classmate was about as far anyone could get. That layer of frost was too strong, too deep for anyone to cut through. Save for his brother, of course. A twin filled with so much sunlight and warmth that he simply melted his way through that icy barrier. It was only out of pure luck that anyone would manage to break him out of his usual routine, and luck was never on their side.
So, no one stopped him as he strode down the emptying hallways, walking from his last class of the day to where his younger brother surely waited for him. Vash always waited for him, even if he got out a little earlier. The twins came to school together, and they would leave together – there was no compromises.
It was the sound of a familiar sniffling that gave him pause, having rounded the corner into the empty classroom. Empty, save for two people.
Standing near the windows was his twin, at his desk, his shoulders hunched up and his head ducked. The sleeves of his too large sweater were held up to his face, jostling as Vash rubbed at his wet eyes. There were a few beats of silence, a calm within the storm, before Vash finally noticed Nai’s presence in the room and carefully lifted his head. The sight of those glassy blue eyes almost made Nai feral.
"N - Nai..."
"Vash."
Vash made a sound, the heels of his hands desperately trying to wipe away what spilt down his cheeks.
"Saverem--"
Nai’s eyes darted to Legato, who flinched just the slightest when he became the center of a piercing glare. Nai had no qualms with him. He could even call him a friend, or at least a close acquaintance, with their similar thoughts and interests. Nai couldn’t care less in the moment. All that mattered was his brother’s distress.
"Why is my little brother crying."
"I haven't a clue! Listen--"
"It's -- it's okay, Nai!"
Vash stopped his sniffling to step in between the two boys, his hands held up in an 'at ease' gesture with his now wet and wrinkled sleeves clinging to his wrists. Nai narrowed his eyes, the glare flicking between the ruined fabric and Legato. He scoffed, tugging a handkerchief from his book bag. Cradling Vash's face with his other hand, he gently dabbed away the remaining tears, seething through his teeth.
"What are you talking about? Look at you, you're in tears..."
"Um! Legato was just sharing some advice, is all."
"Advice?"
"Mhm! What did'ya call it, Legato?"
Legato blinked and stammered, not expecting to be addressed.
"Pardon...?"
"Constructive criticism!
But Vash was faster to speak, the answer seeming to suddenly come to him. He smiled, big and wide, as if it were just friendly advice from a classmate and that there wasn't tear stains still marking his red cheeks. Nai clenched his jaw, the tightness of it making the muscles ache and he swore he could hear his bone creak with the force.
"...Is that so? On what, may I ask?"
"Well..." Vash trailed off, unsure if he should answer this time.
"Vash." But Nai would make him.
"He was... He was saying that I should learn how to let go of you. That I steal all your time."
As Vash spoke, his voice began to crack with emotion. The sound broke Nai's heart. His brother shouldn't sound like this, his warm voiced dipped in such sadness and distress. He stopped cleaning his twin's face to cradle it in both hands, thumbs tracing soothing strokes over his cheeks as Vash continued.
"I didn't realize I was so clingy, I..." His voice pitched on another sob, the tears starting to run again. "I'm sorry, Nai..."
"No, hey, no more crying. Hush now, brother." He fixed another glare at his would-be friend, feeling a sense of satisfaction at seeing him physically wince, before it softened once more towards Vash. "You've done nothing wrong, alright? There isn't anything you've done that I wasn't agreeable to."
"Saverem..." Legato tried to step in, a hand raised up in a feeble attempt to interject between the twins. Nai wasn't having it, not when Vash needed him.
"Quiet, Bluesummers. We are finished for today."
There was no room left for argument or protest. As swift as Nai came, he turned and left with Vash.
Together, they walked through the schoolyard and towards the back fencing (there was a hole big enough to squeeze through, hidden in brush and shade, left unattended and forgotten. They'd use it all the time to avoid the cluster of the crowd, to and from school). Nai kept his arm around Vash, holding him close to his side as his brother rode through the last of his sniffling.
It wasn't until they reached the fence, their figures stepping into the shade, that Vash quietly spoke up.
"Nai?"
"Yes, what is it?"
A pause. A moment of timidness Vash only showed around Nai.
"Do you... Do you think I'm clingy?"
"I do."
The answer was immediate. Certain. And Vash visibly deflated.
"Oh..."
"But it's okay."
Vash looked up at him with the same, wondering blue eyes he's kept since they were small. They were eyes that he loved. Eyes that only belonged to him. An innocence he wanted to covet and protect from the rest of the world.
"It is?"
"We are two halves of the same soul, Vash." It was spoken as a fact, not as an opinion. There was no other truth than this. "What am I to do if I did not have you by my side."
Nai watched, almost crooning as he watched how all the tension in Vash's body seems to melt away all at once. The worry and the anxiety had been replaced with adoration and safety instead. Vash's hands, which were once only fiddling with the hems of his sleeves and wrinkling them further, now reached out to clutch onto Nai's sweater instead.
"...Thank you, Nai."
Oh, how he purred in his heart.
"Anything for you, my Vash."
That night had seen heavy rain.
All it had took was a bottle, a man with no control, and a moment of slowed judgement. That’s all it took for the car to been sent careening over the edge of the road, breaking past the bumper and into the steep, forest-ridden ditch below. Somehow, Nai had survived the worst of it, having dragged himself out of the ruined car while covered in cuts and bruises. He may have sprained an ankle, maybe broken a bone or two, but that was all secondary to him. None of that mattered, not right now. The only thing that mattered was--
"Nai..."
"I'm here, Vash, I'm here..."
"It... It hurts..."
"Sh, sh, sh -- I know, little flower, I know. Just stay with me, okay? Stay with me, Vash."
--Vash, whose arm was crushed and mangled into a fine, crunchy pulp. Nai could already tell, at first glance, that there was no salvaging it. He could only try to stop the bleeding, tie off the wound as tight as he could, cover it to keep out the rest of the dirt and bacteria. All Nai had was the shreds of his own t-shirt, but it would have to do. Earlier, in his haze, he could hear the panicked voice of the drunkard’s passenger from above. They had to yell to be heard over the rain, so he could garner what was said.
911. Highway 5. An accident.
Someone was coming. There had to be someone coming.
Vash was gathered in his arms, almost deadweight, having no strength to hold himself up. It was no matter, Nai wanted to hold him, keep him close, protect him from the downpour of rain that no doubt chilled them to the bone. He didn’t know. He couldn’t feel it. All that mattered was the broken little body in his arms and the desperation in his chest.
His baby brother was in pain. He was hurt. He didn’t deserve this.
Nai couldn’t protect him.
"Rem... Where's Rem?"
Nai glanced back at the car. The tinted windows, the dark of night and the pouring rain made it hard to discern Rem’s body. But he didn’t have to see it. The smashed glass of the window shield and the blood smattered across it like some crude paint was all he needed to know.
"Don't worry about Rem right now, okay? Let's just focus on you. No, hey--"
He caught Vash trying to doze off, his eyes heavy and dulled with the darkness no doubt creeping in – blood loss beginning to take its toll. Nai shook him, just enough to bring him back to the waking world, but still so careful not to hurt him any further. He didn’t know what other unseen injuries Vash may have accrued, and Nai didn’t want to risk them becoming more severe.
"Mmm...?"
"Stay awake for me, hm? Stay awake, baby brother."
Nai laid a hand upon a cold cheek to keep Vash’s head from lolling to the side, giving him a few soft pats to keep him awake. But Vash was struggling, he could see. Those dark lashes fluttered with the weight of fatigue and they both could only do so much to fight it off any longer.
“But… I’m so tired, Nai.”
“I know, angel, I know. But I need you to stay awake until help comes, alright? You were doing so well. Just a little more…”
A little more. Someone had to be here. Please.
Please, please, please.
“Nai…”
Blue eyes fell shut, that frail body went limp in his arms. The sunshine was finally eclipsed by rain.
“No. no, no, no. Don’t do this to me. Vash – Vash!”
Nai screamed, and cried, and wailed. It was misery and agony. Wrath and sorrow and desperation.
In his turmoil, he didn’t hear the sirens.
Everything was quiet.
The quiet remained.
Lingered.
Only white noise in his head.
It was quiet for hours. Then days.
It felt like eternity. An agonizing limbo.
Nai was like a dead man walking during those days. Just simply going through the motions.
He gave his case to the police. The man was arrested for reckless driving as well as driving while intoxicated. He had tried to plead, say that he didn’t see them, begged for Nai’s forgiveness – but it fell on deaf ears. Nai had other things to tend to. He had already signed off on Rem’s will (the twins were to keep the house, given custody of her bank accounts, life insurance on top of it all; generosity after generosity as proof of her undeniable love for her sons). And, now that most of the urgent documents and business had been settled, he sat at Vash’s bedside.
It was a routine he naturally fell into since he was discharged from his own bed.
Eat, sleep, meetings. Finally, Vash.
His brother was deep asleep in the first few days. The blood loss combined with the trauma of the accident had exhausted him to his limits. He needed the rest, as well as the IV drip. As days dragged on, Vash would wake up more and more often. In the early days, he was still delirious between being under for so long and the shock of finding his left arm missing. It was during those times that Nai ached when he saw the sinking horror in Vash’s face, how he dissolved into sobbing wails as he gripped at what was nothing more than a stub. It was as if he was feeling the pain of its loss all over again.
The doctors mentioned phantom pains. How they would affect the body and mind. Nai just never thought it would be so heartbreaking as he held Vash in his arms and quiet him back to sleep.
Vash came to accept this new reality with every passing day, fortunately. With every fresh wakening, his panics became less and less severe.
Two weeks had passed, and he woke with clarity in his eyes. He saw the healed over limb and said nothing of it, only fixing his gaze on his brother and smiling. Nai smiled back, setting the plate of apple slices and pomegranate to the side before he reached out and brushed back Vash’s hair. It was messy, a little oily from being unable to wash it regularly, but that will be remedied soon enough.
"Hey, angel..." Nai kept his voice whisper soft, as if trying to coax out a small animal.
"Hey..." Vash’s voice, however, remained naturally soft if not a little gravelly from not being used for so long. The elder twin only smiled a bit more and played with the golden hair between his fingers.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I got hit by a truck." They shared a laugh.
"A fine choice of words."
There was a beat of silence between them. It was heavy, almost suffocating. They both knew, as glad as they are to see the other safe and sound, that a question hung in the air before it was dropped.
"Rem... What happened to Rem?"
Nai clenched his teeth, hand stilling in Vash’s hair. He knew this question would come sooner or later, but he dreaded it all the same. Vash had adored their adoptive mother the most – her only rival for first was Nai himself. And, while his love didn’t run as deep, he was appreciative of her efforts as a guardian and her unconditional affection for them.
If only she could be there.
"...She... She didn't make it. I'm sorry, Vash. By the time the ambulance arrived at the scene, it was already too late."
He waited, eyes watching Vash’s face for his reaction. At first, there was nothing, the information slowly sinking in. Then tears had begun to swell at the rim of those cerulean eyes, and Nai was all too quick to lurch forward and pull his brother into an embrace.
"O - oh..."
The tears began to fall. And, once they fell, they were unstoppable. Vash clung onto his brother, buried his face into his shoulder to muffle his sobs and whines. It was like that night’s downpour, how the rain soaked through his clothes and chilled him to the bone. Yet, it was also very different. The tears were warm as they soaked into his shirt. And Vash was warm in his arms, full of life, no longer just a fading ember. The sunlight was back, and it was in his arms once again.
Nai cooed, rubbing that trembling back.
"Shh, it's okay, Vash. I'm here -- your big brother is here."
A hiccup, willowy fingers clinging tighter to the back of Nai’s shirt. It was going to get wrinkled, but he didn’t care.
"Will you... Will you always be here? Will you stay with me?"
It was such a desperate plea that Nai couldn’t find it in himself to say that it wasn’t even necessary. Vash didn’t need to plead, because Nai would be by his side. Always. No matter what. He had to protect Vash this time. He had to do better.
He answered anyway.
"Yes. Yes, of course."
"Promise?"
Vash pulled away enough to peer up at Nai, a hand releasing it’s vice-like grip to raise up between them. His pinky stuck up expectantly, and Nai curled his own around it. Such a childish little thing, something that they’ve stopped doing since they were children. But the familiar glimmer in Vash’s eyes and the small smile on his lips convinced Nai that it was good to be a bit childish now and again.
"I promise. I will never leave your side."
"Nai..."
The elder’s name was spoken with worship. With reverence. With the desire to hold onto the only remaining thing that mattered. Nai could say this with confidence, simply because he felt the same.
"I will take care of you, my Vash."
It was only the two of them, since then.
For years, after they graduated high school, as they entered university, then lived into their second year, it was only ever the two of them.
They hadn’t needed anyone else, Nai believed. After school, after work, after all that happened in their daily lives; at the end of the day, they could only find true comfort within each other. Even if there was this growing desire that gnawed at Nai into the marrow of his bone. Even if his fingers itched to give Vash more than those chaste touches only meant to guide him or turn him to the right direction when they find themselves on his waist.
It was an itch that yearned to be scratched, but Nai wouldn’t give in.
He was content with what they had right now.
He had to be.
"Nai!"
He looked up from his phone to see Vash making his way over, arm waving in the air as if he wasn’t already easy to pick out from the crowd with his bright red windbreaker and his sunset sunglasses. They were all bathed in flashing neon lights, and yet it was Vash that seemed to glow the brightest under the vibrant colors. It made him look ethereal, like an angel that danced through the milky way and its multitude of colored stars.
Nai smiled and pushed himself off the barstool and into a stand, towering over his brother by a few inches. Over time, they had grown different in appearance. Nai had become bigger, a little wider and packing more muscle than he knew what to do with (he did know. It was to protect Vash, to keep danger from even looking at his baby brother as long as he stayed beside him). Vash, in contrast, was smaller and a little lankier. He still had his own muscle, of course, never missing a day of his own exercises – it was a runner’s body, toned and leaned with a hell of a punch hidden away.
"There you are — oof!” he laughed as Vash practically barreled right into him, arms wrapped around Nai’s waist in a tight hug. He repaid that affection readily, his own arms slipping around the other’s shoulders and caging him, hiding him away. He would’ve have purred and cooed, were it not for a cough that asked for their attention.
His eyes darted up to catch sight of another man. The stranger was tall, almost Nai’s height, but still slightly taller than Vash. He was well-built with natural muscle, most of it hidden under the layers of his organized mess of his clothes; what seemed to be a suit was messily thrown together, but in a way that complimented the man wearing it, adding to his appeal.
“And who is this?”
At the question, Vash quickly lifted his head with a grin that would dazzle the entire club. He wriggled out of Nai’s grasp, much to his dismay, and bounded over to the man’s side. Holding up a hand as if he were presenting a high-quality product, he introduced the new face.
"Oh, this is Nico!" Vash beamed, and Nai tried his damn hardest not to scowl.
"Oh?"
‘Nico’ peeked over the dark shades he wore, lazily lifting a hand in greeting as he drawled out. "Yup. Nicholas D. Wolfwood. Pleasure to meet ya."
"I bumped into him on campus, and we just sorta hit it off!"
When did that happen?
Nai had kept a close eye on his brother since the accident. There was nothing that would happen that escaped his notice. Whether it was the classes that Vash took or the classmates he chatted up with, there was absolutely nothing Nai didn’t know. The fact that this Wolfwood had slipped under his radar sent a pulse of irritation through his veins.
But he grit his teeth. He smiled.
"I see."
"Vash has told me a whole lot about you." Wolfwood added in, a smirk on his face. Nai didn’t know whether he should’ve found it friendly or unreasonably infuriating. There was something irrational growing under his skin, and he didn’t know how to remedy it. He could only smile.
"Good things, I hope."
"All sorts of good things. Enough to make a person sick of 'em with how much sugar he coats it with."
"Hey!” Vash gasped, smacking Wolfwood on the shoulder. “I was being honest, no sugar coating necessary! Nai really is just that sweet!"
"Sweeter than me?" The man grinned, slipping an arm around Vash’s shoulders, leaning in close.
Too close.
What the hell are you doing.
Nai stood there, brought to silence. He could only watch as their bodies pressed close together, unbothered. His breath was held, burning in his lungs, and his once lax hands had curled into fists at some point. He waited for the moment where they’d part. Waited for Vash to get bashful or defensive and push off his acquaintance. Because only Nai can be so close to his brother. Only Nai can hold him in such a way and more. Only Nai--
"Well, you're a different kind of sweet." Vash smiled back, leaning his head against Wolfwood’s shoulder. He never pulled away, not for a single moment.
Nai had checked out at some point after that.
He didn’t remember how many drinks he had, or what he ordered. Faintly, he could recall several people – one after the other – try to talk to him with their sultry laughs and unwanted advances, but he shrugged them off or simply refused to give them the time of day. His attention was elsewhere.
It was on his brother, who seemed to belong on the dancefloor. Vash’s body swayed with the music in sensual rolls, the curves of his body outlined by the neon lights, entrancing all who dared to glance his way. It was on the way he seemed to be in a trance himself, his eyes shut, and lips slightly parted in unheard breaths.
It was on the hands that weren’t his own that held onto Vash’s hips, feeling the rhythm they danced to, thumbs dipping under his brother’s shirt and brushing against what Nai would call scared ground.
Nai didn’t know how many hours had passed, how long he sat there, his eyes piercing through the darkness of the club and narrowing down on those two dancing figures.
Glass cracked in his hand.
Wolfwood.
God. Damn. Fucking. Nicholas D. Wolfwood.
Who the fuck did he think he was – to speak to his brother? To touch him? To even look at him?
He wasn’t even good enough to kiss the ground that Vash walked on, much less grovel at him from a distance. No, Vash was too good for that. Vash was holy. He was sacred. He was soft and vulnerable and needed so much care.
This man would ruin him. This sinner would taint him. This fucker would ruin all the work Nai had put in all these years.
Vash was his twin, his brother.
Vash was--
Mine.
Nai won’t allow this. It was unacceptable. There was no replacement for an older brother’s love.
Mine, mine, mine, MINE.
He was his flower, his sunlight, his everything, HIS--
"--Vash."
"Nai..."
He blinked, coming back to the present. Vash knelt before him on the wooden floor of their living room. At some point, they must’ve moved from the bathroom and to the back of the couch. Nai’s hair was still wet, water dripping from the ends of his hair and falling onto Vash’s cheeks. They almost looked like tears rolling down the blushing skin.
"What?" He rasped, as if wakening from a dream.
"You're hurting me..."
The whimper pulled him further into the waking world and it was then that he realized how tightly his hands clasped onto Vash’s shoulders. The fabric bunched up and wrinkled between his fingers, and he could feel how his fingers sunk into the tender flesh hiding just beneath Vash’s thin t-shirt. Under the grip his brother trembled. Whether it was in pain or fear, he couldn’t tell.
He wanted to ask, though. Vash’s comfort was always his priority. It Vash was afraid or hurt, he needed to remedy it.
"Vash...” He couldn’t. “Vash, I've been so good to you, right?"
It was selfish, he knew. His little brother was so small in front of him, body shivering and eyes wide with confusion and a bit of panic, but Nai could only think of himself and the anxiety that’s been gnawing at him with the passing days. It was such a hungry little thing too, taking bite after bite of his sanity. Whispering ugly little secrets that couldn’t be proven true nor false.
He needed this.
(They’re going to take him away from you. Slow, at first. Then, bit by bit, he’ll forget about you. He won’t need you anymore. He won’t love you. Because he has his little friends to play with, to share his secrets with.)
Vash pursed his lips, his eyes darting away to the side as if searching for the right answer. Nai’s heart ached in his chest for the brief second those once loving eyes strayed from him until they looked his way again. Slowly, Vash answered.
"You have."
(See? He’s afraid of you. He’s watching how you react. He’s only saying what you want to hear. He’ll run away after this,)
"I've taken care of you all this time, have I not?"
"...You have."
(He’ll run so far, far, far away. And never come back. Why would he come back to you? He has them. He’s going to replace you with them. With Wolfwood.)
"Then, why--" The hysteria began to make itself known, his voice singing with its treble as he gripped tighter still on those no doubt bruised shoulders. He pressed Vash to the back of the couch, crowding him against it and cutting off any route of escape. “Why give your time to those unworthy of it? Why accept the affection of those so undeserving? Do they care for you, Vash? Do they love you as I do?”
(Maybe he loves him. Not you. Never you. You failed him so many times already. You couldn't protect him. So he's finding someone better.)
"Nai, wait--"
"You don't need anyone else..."
(He'll want him and leave you.)
"Nai...!"
“All you need is me!”
There was a ‘crack’. Everything stopped. The anxiety, the turmoil, the anger – it all came to a halting stop. He came back to clarity so swiftly that it was almost dizzying, and what he had woken to drowned him in dread all over again.
Vash looked so small despite them being almost the same height, curled up there against the couch. His head dropped forward after making hard contact with the wooden frame, whimpering from the lingering pain. Every breath he took was accompanied by a shuddering hiccup as he sobbed, tears running down his face like an endless river. His trembling hands were at Nai’s wrist, holding onto him, and it quickly dawned on him how roughly he had treated his brother. How he had hurt him.
"Oh... Oh, no. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, angel--" He released Vash’s shoulders, his hands darting up to cradle those wet cheeks instead, thumbs clumsily trying to stroke away the still falling tears. It was his instinct to lean in and try to press kisses to his twin’s face and comfort him, a habit he never quite broke out of, nor did he want to. His heart broke all over again when Vash turned his head this way and that, trying to dodge him.
“Forgive me,” His voice croaked, stubbornly trying to still Vash’s head as he buries a kiss into his hair. “Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean it, okay? You know big brother would never want to hurt you.”
(He’ll hate you one day.)
"Please... Please, Vash, don't leave me.” The desperation clawed at him, digging through his chest and bursting forth. It exposed him for how truly pathetic of a man he was. “I can't be without you. I can’t do this without you. Please, stay with me. Just stay with me."
"Nai..."
Vash’s voice was so soft, always filled with such warmth even in this madness. He slipped his arms around his elder twin’s shoulders and brought him close in his embrace. A petulant sob wheezed out of Nai, and he hated himself for the weakness.
"Don't cry, Nai. I'm not going anywhere, okay? Never."
Yet he still wept. How could he not when he was so easily forgiven for his sins, his transgressions against something so holy. Still, he held on fast. Like a starved beast, he buried his teeth into whatever he could get.
“…Promise?”
Vash hummed, tucking his chin atop Nai’s shoulder.
"I promise."
Oh, how undeserving he was for such kindness, such sweet salvation that was his beautiful baby brother. But he couldn’t help but cling onto it, to sink his claws into it so deeply that it could never tear away from his grasp. So devout in his love and his greed, his words shuddered as he spoke of his devotion to the only thing that mattered.
"Vash... I love you. I love you so much. My light, my angel -- my Vash."
And his Vash smiled, fingers dancing through the white-gold of his hair, cradling him close and never letting him go.
Ah, this is how it should be.
This is how they were meant to be.
"I love you, too, Nai."
The fruit was so sweet.
It melted on his tongue.
It wet his dry throat.
It filled the emptiness.
It was his downfall.