Work Text:
If the night ended without anyone's hair catching on fire, Jensen decided he would have a pretty compelling case for the existence of a higher power.
The kitchen was a hot mess in the most literal sense. The ovens were on full blast, pumping out heat as food was loaded in, and the chefs bustled back and forth, shouting instructions and sending plate after plate of food out to the waiters.
In the main hall, the gala was in full swing and as Jensen paused for breath, he started to wish he was out there instead. Swanning around in a tux seemed a lot less taxing than keeping Jake away from the blowtorch.
"Hey!" he called, slapping Jake's hand down yet again as it inched towards the blowtorch. "No. No touching the fire-making shiny thing. Bad Abel."
Jake's lower lip stuck out in a pout as he complained, "I'm not five, Chef. I can be around fire unsupervised."
"Really?" Jensen asked, holding up the remains of the stuffed panda which had once been the hotel kitchen mascot. "I guess Archibald just spontaneously combusted, huh?"
Jake suddenly became extra fascinated by the crème brûlées in front of him.
Shaking his head, Jensen dropped the charred lump formerly known as Archibald back on the counter with a sigh and looked around for the head chef. Seeing that Roché was busy doing something inappropriate to a pancake, Jensen decided to take his leave and slipped out into the hallway when Jake's attention was elsewhere.
The rush of cool air was like faceplanting into a ice bath and Jensen basked in it for a second before getting his head back in the game. He could flap his arms in a cold room later but first he had shit to do.
The service elevators were down the hall from the kitchen and Jensen was pleased to find that there was no-one else around when he pressed the call button. He'd reached his limit on polite conversation somewhere between the third and fourth stories about Jake's diabetic cat.
Stepping into the elevator, he hit the button for floor 29 and let himself relax for a second as he unfastened the top of his chef's uniform and adjusted his hat to a slightly jauntier angle. The elevator doors started to slide shut and Jensen rolled his shoulders with a pleased smile. The evening was starting to look up.
"Whoa!"
Jensen jumped at the shout and looked over to see a hand slide between the elevator doors just before they closed. He experienced a split-second of panic that the hand belonged to a zombie, a serial-killer, or a serial-killing zombie before the sensors kicked in and the doors slid open again to reveal a disheveled, out-of-breath waiter.
"Oh. Hi." The waiter looked about as delighted to see Jensen as Jensen was to see him. "I, uh…"
He ran a hand through his messy hair and Jensen commenced his silent judgment. That much hair was clearly impractical and possibly unhygienic. He was obviously a terrible waiter and probably a terrible human being too.
"They're all going up from here," Jensen said blankly. "Get in if you're coming."
"Right," the waiter said, stepping inside and hitting floor 27. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be in here."
"Sorry to disappoint."
The waiter smiled at that, lips curving in a wry grin as his eyes flickered up and down Jensen's body, and Jensen sighed inwardly. Usually he would be in favor of a mildly seedy elevator hookup but tonight was the Ambassador's Gala. He had a job to do.
"So you're a chef, huh?"
Thankfully, the guy's pick-up lines weren't going to be getting him laid anytime soon.
Jensen looked down at his chef's uniform of checkered pants, white tee and white button-up jacket. "What gave it away?"
The elevator doors slid closed and the waiter smiled again. "Sorry, man, I think I left my brain somewhere between the hors d'oeuvres and the white wine," he said. "It's a big night, y'know? Lots to think about."
"Tell me about it." Figuring he'd throw the guy a bone, Jensen watched the floor numbers tick higher as he asked, "You been doing this long?"
"Not really," the waiter said, leaning against the support rail and crossing his long legs at the ankle. He was wearing dark blue Keds with his uniform and Jensen judged him that little bit harder. "I'm pretty new to all this, especially a party this big, but I got asked to work so…" He shrugged. "I'm not gonna turn down a paycheck. How about you? How long have you been a chef?"
"A while," Jensen said vaguely. "Long enough to know what I'm doing."
"Always a good start," the waiter agreed. There was a twang to his accent as he held his hand out and said, "I'm Jared."
Jensen eyed him for a second. There was nothing on Jared's face beyond easy openness and Jensen chastised himself for his own foolishness as he shook his hand. "Jason Teague."
Jared's ridiculous smile came back full force. "Good to meet you, Jason."
The alias was barely out of Jared's mouth when the elevator came to an abrupt halt.
Knocked off balance, Jensen grabbed the safety rail and pressed himself against the wall as he waited for anything that could indicate they were about to plummet to their deaths.
Jared, on the other hand, had skipped the Understandable Panic stage and gone right to the Loud Feelings one.
"What the hell was that?" He looked over at Jensen. "You felt that, right?" He looked back up at the floor number, which was now stuck at 26. "It stopped. I think it stopped. Did you feel it stop?"
"No, I'm just standing like this to strengthen my quads," Jensen retorted, past the point of patience. "Yes, I felt it stop." Satisfied that a plummety death was not in his near future, he let go of the safety rail and scrubbed his hand over his face. "Awesome. Fucking perfect."
He'd had a very clear plan that evening. He would masquerade as a chef, slip out during the gala, steal the emerald necklace from the Colonel's suite, escape, profit. Easy as pie.
Getting trapped in an elevator with a dorky waiter, however, did not feature anywhere in Jensen's grand schemes.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath but jumped when Jared's hand landed on his shoulder like a giant mutant fingerspider. "What the-"
"Hey," Jared said softly. "Take deep breaths. You're gonna be okay." He clapped his hands against Jensen's cheeks and leaned in close. "Are you claustrophobic? It's okay if you're claustrophobic. Just breathe."
He huffed out two quick breaths as an example before Jensen could wriggle free of his grip and back off. "I'm not claustrophobic," he snapped, "and this is not a situation which requires face-grabbing."
Jared had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry," he said. "It seemed like the thing to do."
It said a lot about Jared as a person that smothering people with his giant hands seemed like the thing to do.
"Should we press the emergency call button?"
"No," Jensen said, more sharply than necessary. If the Colonel was cautious enough to have armed guards stationed outside his room, Jensen wasn't about to attract their attention by getting stuck in an elevator right below his floor.
He wasn't sure how he was going to convince Jared to go along with this plan though.
"They'll take too long," he said quickly, hoping Jared would buy what he was selling. "You know how it is with hotels, right? They send some lazy-ass maintenance guy who'll take forever to get it working."
"I don't know, man…"
"And they'll tell your boss," Jensen added. "You'll lose most of your pay if your boss finds out you were stuck here all night. Trust me, it'll be better for both of us if we just get out of here ourselves and go back to work."
He held his breath as Jared furrowed his brow in deliberation but relaxed when he finally said, "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Let's do it your way." Jared rolled up the sleeves of his white button-down and stepped close to the door. "Maybe if we pry these open, we'll be close enough to get out."
That actually seemed like a sound plan, and since it was coming from someone's whose first reaction was face-clutching, Jensen was extra impressed. "Sounds good."
Letting Jared take the top, Jensen crouched down to try to wedge his fingers into the tiny gap between the doors and pull them open. Jared grunted above him, muscles straining as he pulled with all he had, and Jensen concentrated on the door in front of him, not on how close Jared's crotch was to bumping up against the back of his head.
"We got it!" Jared said happily as Jensen felt the doors start to give under his fingers. It was easier when he could slide his hands in the gap and he helped Jared push them the whole way open before standing up and looking at the brick wall they were faced with.
"Well, shit."
In spite of himself, Jensen smiled. He liked Jared better when he was voicing Jensen's own thoughts.
"No kidding," he said, tugging off his hat and tucking it inside his jacket as he surveyed the wall.
It was almost like the goddamn necklace didn't want to be stolen.
"We could go up?" Jared suggested. "Maybe if we stand on top of the elevator we can reach the door for the next floor."
Jensen took a moment to evaluate the likelihood of dying horribly in an elevator shaft. They were far enough away from the top of the shaft to slide back inside if it suddenly started working again so Jensen decided to throw caution to the wind.
Plus it would be nice if all those stupid jungle gym training sessions actually had a purpose beyond giving Jeff multiple opportunities to slap his ass.
"Let's do it."
Jared looked taken aback at his answer but that ever-present smile was soon back in place as he nodded. "Great."
Reaching up, he slid one of the ceiling panels to the side to create a hole for them to climb through. When he was finished being amazed at how tall Jared was, Jensen took a second to admire the glimpse of tanned, toned abs that was revealed as Jared's shirt and vest rode up.
Suddenly elevator sex didn't seem like such a bad plan.
"Okay," Jared said, wiping his hands on his slacks. "You're short so I'll give you a boost first and then follow you up."
Jensen raised his eyebrows.
"Shorter," Jared amended hastily. "Not short. You are a very statuesque man."
Jensen rolled his eyes. "Just give me a boost, jackass."
Jared saluted. "Yes, chef."
He linked his fingers together and widened his stance in preparation. Planting his foot on Jared's hands, Jensen let him lift him up through the hole in the ceiling so that he could pull himself the rest of the way out of the elevator.
The roof was dusty underneath his hands and Jensen wiped his palms on his pants and looked around while he waited for Jared to follow him out.
They were close to the next floor. Jensen could reach the very bottom of the exit doors from where he stood and he eyed the elevator cables in contemplation as Jared clambered out to stand beside him. They didn't have enough leverage to pry the doors open from where they were but if Jensen recalled the building plans correctly, he was pretty sure there was a way out through the vents if they shimmied up the cables.
Jared was a warm presence against his back and Jensen glanced over his shoulder with a smirk as he nodded towards the cables. "I'm really hoping you did well in gym class."
"I kinda sucked at gym," Jared said honestly, "but at least I can put all those years of poledancing to good use."
Jensen whipped around to face him, eyebrows raised, but Jared just grinned at him. "Relax," he teased, "I'm kidding."
He gripped onto the cable and hauled himself up with ease before looking back at Jensen with a wink. "It was only one year of poledancing."
On the down side, this meant that Jensen was now trapped in a tiny vent with an oversized waiter when he should have been stealing an emerald and making a smooth exit.
"Can you get your ass out of my face?"
"Me?" Jared sounded offended but since Jensen could only see him from the ass down, he had to imagine the accompanying facial expressions. "You're the one who keeps trying to shove his nose into my balls."
"I slipped!"
"I mean, if you're into headbutting people's scrotums, that's your business," Jared continued as they crawled forward, "but at least warn a guy first."
"Fuck you," Jensen muttered. His elbow still ached from where he'd fallen during their climb up a deceptively slippery ventilation shaft and nearly getting kicked in the face every ten seconds by Jared's stupid shoes was not helping his composure.
Taking deep, calming breaths and thinking of the emerald-colored light at the end of the tunnel, Jensen plodded forward.
Right into Jared's ass.
"Jesus-" Frustrated, he slapped Jared on the back of the thigh. "What the hell, asshole?"
"I thought I saw a mouse!" Jared countered. "It's not my fault you have crappy reflexes."
"Crappy-" More deep breaths. More happy emerald thoughts. "Was it a mouse?"
"No," Jared admitted. "It was my hand."
Happy emerald thoughts could only go so far.
"Okay, stop," Jensen ordered, grabbing Jared's ankle to hold him in place. "This isn't working."
Jared rolled onto his side and looked back at him with big, sad eyes. "You mean we're breaking up?"
Jensen hit him again. "Shut up." Pushing himself up on his hands, he crawled forward over Jared's legs. "I'm going at the front."
"What? No, c'mon," Jared said, squishing himself into the side of the vent as Jensen wriggled up alongside him. "It's too small."
"You're too giant," Jensen said under his breath. His face was now level with Jared's thighs and he grabbed onto Jared's vest and arms to pull himself further up.
Jared groaned. "Oh god, you're crushing my lungs."
"Stop whining," Jensen said, wiggling his way up his body. Jared had a point -- the tunnel was especially tight when their ribcages and shoulders were aligned -- but Jensen had plenty of experience of being in awkward proximity in small spaces and was pretty sure no lungs would be crushed.
"Man, I just wanted to be waiting tables," Jared complained as his nose brushed against Jensen's stomach. It was surprisingly pointy. "I didn't sign up for the personal space invasion Olympics."
Jensen heard the clunk of his head against the metal vent as he pulled his crotch and legs past Jared's face, and Jared groaned. "This is not happening. I am not squashed in a metal vent at one of New York's classiest hotels while a crazy chef dangles his junk in my face."
"Hey, I'm not dangling anything," Jensen corrected, making it past Jared and onto all fours. His underwear was very secure, thank you very much. "Now quit bitching and keep moving and you'll be back waiting tables before you know it."
"Right, because you seem totally trustworthy," Jared groused, following Jensen through the vents. He mimicked Jensen's voice, "Hey, Jared, let's climb up an elevator shaft and crawl through air vents for thirty minutes like we're super inefficient spies! I'm Jason Teague and I have the best ideas!"
"Would you shut up?" Jensen hissed. "Someone's gonna hear us."
"Please let it be God."
"Shh!"
He would have put money on Jared making a face behind his back (or, more accurately, behind his ass) but since he stayed silent, Jensen wasn't about to complain. He crawled quickly, navigating his way up the slope of the ventilation duct until he reached a fork leading off to a grate.
Motioning for Jared to stop, he kept his movements as quiet as possible as he peered through the metal slats into the hallway. The room opposite was 2812 and Jensen's mind kicked into gear at the knowledge that they'd managed to climb up to floor 28, home to both the emerald necklace and the Colonel's armed guards. All he needed to do was lose Jared.
"Y'know," Jared mused from behind him, "I was gonna ask you on a date when we got out of here but I feel like we're already rounding third base at this point."
Jensen's retort died on his tongue and a smile took its place. Maybe he didn't need to lose Jared after all.
Checking the hallway as best he could, Jensen eased the grate off the wall and slid out of the vent, still watching for any sign of the Colonel's guards. Jared followed right behind him, unfolding himself as he stood up and stretched out his limbs with a pleased groan. "Wow, I never thought being vertical would be better than sex."
Jensen smirked as he smoothed his hair back down. "Man, whoever you're sleeping with must be a really bad lay."
"Hey," Jared protested, "that's my hand you're talking about."
Glancing up and down the hallway, Jensen licked his lips then looked up at Jared with a smile. "Maybe I can do something about that."
"About me being bad at jerking off?"
Jensen rolled his eyes and pulled Jared into a kiss.
Jared squeaked against his lips, arms flailing at his sides, but he calmed when Jensen slid his hand around to cup the back of his neck. His fingers threaded through Jared's hair and he fitted their mouths together with ease when Jared pulled him close and started to kiss him back.
Considering that he was primarily making out with him to aid his attempts at thievery, Jensen was impressed by how enjoyable it was to kiss Jared. His lips were soft and warm but there was enough strength in his grip that Jensen couldn't help but think how things would go if he let Jared take charge.
He didn't need to fake his groan of pleasure when he pulled away and looked up and down the hallway again.
"Wow," Jared said, dazed. "Climbing through vents really does it for you, huh?"
Jensen decided he liked Jared better when he was using his mouth for non-talking purposes.
"What can I say," he murmured, loosening Jared's tie, "writhing around on top of a guy really gets me in the mood."
Pushing Jared back against the wall, he pressed up close, grinding lazily against his body as he sealed their lips together again. He licked at Jared's lips, stroking and teasing with his tongue in an effort to get Jared to open up, and was rewarded by Jared's hands cupping his ass and pulling him in closer.
Jensen rose up on his tiptoes and smiled against his lips when Jared gave his ass a firm squeeze. His hands felt huge against Jensen's body and Jensen arched forward, almost wishing they would get the chance for Jared to put his hands on him in private instead of in the middle of a hotel corridor with guards around the corner.
Hoping Jared felt the same way, he let his hand ghost over the front of Jared's slacks and turned his head to whisper in his ear, "You wanna take this someplace more private?"
Jared nodded vehemently. Unfortunately, he didn't give Jensen time to move his head first and their foreheads cracked together with a thud.
"Jesus…"
"Shit," Jared muttered. He returned to his default face-grabbing tactics as he put his hand on Jensen's forehead. "Sorry."
Batting Jared's hand away, Jensen rubbed his head. "Was that a yes?"
Jared's nod was more restrained this time but no less sincere. "That was definitely a yes."
Jensen grinned. "Awesome."
Wrapping Jared's tie around his hand, he tugged him down the hallway and into another kiss. They stumbled forward, bumping into doors and walls as their hands roamed over each other's bodies, but even as Jared's tongue played against his, Jensen kept one eye open for signs of trouble.
They were both breathless, smiling, and entangled as they rounded the corner, but they slowed down when they caught sight of the four men stationed at the end of the hall outside suite 2850. Keeping his head tucked against Jared's neck, Jensen was grateful for the cover that his ridiculous hair provided as Jared gave the guards an awkward wave.
"Hey, guys," he called as Jensen kissed his way up his neck. "I, uh- We're just gonna-" He groaned when Jensen bit his earlobe. "We'll just stay out of your hair."
Jared pressed him up again the wall and Jensen ground against him, letting out an extra loud moan for the benefit of the guards. "We should find my room," he gasped, looping his arms around Jared's neck. "I need you to fuck me."
At the end of the hallway, two of the guards exchanged judgmental looks and Jensen smiled to himself. Being considered mildly slutty was far preferable to being considered criminally inclined.
One of the guards took a step forward and Jensen promptly wrapped his legs around Jared's waist with a moan.
Jared staggered a little under his weight but recovered quickly enough to return Jensen's kiss as he backed them towards the nearest door. "Which one's yours?"
Jensen didn't bother to look at the numbers and just tapped the wood of the door behind him. "This is it," he said between kisses. He tugged Jared's tie off with one hand while using the other to retrieve the master keycard from his pants.
He was well-prepared for both thievery and random hook-ups.
The door opened with a click and Jensen laughed as Jared hefted him up in his arms and carried him inside to continue the making-out and the undressing. Down the hall, the guard was still walking towards them but Jensen swung the door closed behind him and glanced around the room from his vantage point in Jared's arms.
Something had finally gone right today.
The room was empty and, thankfully, it only seemed to be occupied by one male guest, judging by the single toothbrush in the bathroom and the pair of men's shoes by the bed. The room itself was neat and classy, as Jensen would've expected from a hotel of this caliber, with a small air-conditioning vent high up on the ceiling and a decent-sized window.
He couldn't inspect any more than that with his legs still wrapped around Jared's waist and so Jensen went back to the very enjoyable kissing as Jared started to unbutton his chef's uniform.
"I can't believe we're doing this," Jared said as Jensen pulled off his white jacket. "This doesn't happen to guys like me, y'know?"
Jensen raised his eyebrow. "Guys like you?"
"Yeah, I mean, my day doesn't usually involve climbing up elevator shafts, crawling through air vents, then getting in bed with a hot guy I met less than an hour ago." He dropped to a seat on the mattress and Jensen repositioned himself astride his thighs as Jared said with a grin, "I feel like James Bond or something. Y'know, if James Bond liked cock."
"I lied to you," Jensen deadpanned, kissing along Jared's jaw. "My real name is actually Dick Galore."
"I could believe it," Jared teased. He pressed his face into the crook of Jensen's neck, nuzzling against the sensitive skin while he unfastened his own vest and shirt. "You smell like paprika."
"I was working in a kitchen," Jensen pointed out. "Please tell me you aren't making out with me just because I smell like food."
"I'm not making out with you because you smell like food," he said obediently before groping Jensen's ass again. "You also have a cute butt."
Jensen couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he pushed Jared away and pulled his tee off before tugging at Jared's open shirt. "Take your clothes off."
"So pushy," Jared teased, slipping his shirt and vest off and getting to work on his pants. Jensen dismounted and started getting rid of his own socks and shoes as Jared said, "Y'know, just because you wiggled your dick in my face in the vent doesn't mean you can boss me around."
"Then leave your clothes on."
"Okay, fair point," Jared conceded, wriggling out of his slacks and Keds then pausing with his fingers hooked in the waistband of his boxers. "Wait, are we-"
"Off," Jensen ordered, letting his pants pool at his ankles. "Now." Wary that the guards might be listening in, he got his head back in the game and wandered over to rest his hands on Jared's thighs. Putting on what he hoped was an appropriately sexy voice, he said huskily, "I wanna see you."
Jared gulped and Jensen stood up as he flailed his legs in his efforts to get his underwear off. Despite the awkwardness of his movements, Jared's dick looked more than respectable as it curved thickly towards his stomach and Jensen tried to ignore the happy rush of anticipation that went through him.
He should not be so excited about a distraction fuck, goddammit.
Mindful of the possibly-listening guards, he sank to his knees between Jared's legs and kissed the inside of his thigh. Jared's leg twitched reflexively and Jensen looked up at him through his lashes with a slow smile. "Tell me you want this."
"God, I want this," Jared answered instantly. "I really, really want this."
Spitting in his hand, Jensen stroked Jared's dick as he planted a soft kiss on the crown of his cock. Jared shivered, a full body shudder than Jensen could feel against his lips, and groaned, "Fuck, you have no idea how much I want this."
If it had just been the two of them, Jensen would've settled for getting him off with his mouth. However, blowjobs and dirty talk were not the most compatible of sexual activities so he decided to make Jared do the work for him.
With his lips barely touching the head of his dick, he murmured against his skin, "So tell me."
Leaning in, he let Jared's dick slide into his mouth, enough for him to suck on the head as he pressed his tongue flat up against the underside of it. Jared groaned, eyes and mouth going wide, and Jensen flicked the tip of his tongue against the smooth ridge of his dick as he waited for an answer.
"Jesus, you look so good like that," Jared gasped. "Your mouth was fuckin' made for this."
Jensen narrowed his eyes -- his mouth had plenty of other excellent uses -- but decided to take it as the compliment which it was presumably intended to be and took Jared's dick a little deeper. He didn't want to brag but his cocksucking had always been well-received in the past.
"You're really hot, you know that, right?" Jared said, patting ineffectually at Jensen's head as he filled his mouth with his dick. "I mean, you were kind of an asshole in the elevator and the vent but man, you are really, really hot." He bowed his head as another shiver and groan went through him. "And amazing at whatever you're doing right now, holy shit."
Jensen let his dick slip free with a wet pop. "You wanna-"
He shut up at the sound of a knock on the door but before he could come up with a plan, Jared called, "Who is it?"
The voice on the other side of the door was gruff and deep. "Security. Can we inspect the room please, Sir?"
"Uh, now's not a great time," Jared called back.
Springing to his feet and covering himself with a pillow, Jensen backed towards the bathroom as he whispered, "I'm gonna go get cleaned up." He winked at Jared and tried to look as alluring as he possibly could when he was essentially poking his dick into a pillow. "Go say hi to the security guy and be ready when I get out."
Jared's jaw seemed to be drifting downward as he looked at Jensen but he snapped it closed and nodded. "I can do that."
Disappearing into the bathroom, Jensen saw Jared wrap a sheet around himself before heading to answer the door. He kept his movements as quiet as possible as he closed the door and cleaned up, listening for any sign that he might need to run bare-assed through a fancy New York hotel to avoid capture.
There were no raised voices, just snippets of an apparently amicable conversation between Jared and the security guard. Jared sounded embarrassed, which was appropriate given that he was still hard and dressed only in a sheet, but Jensen exhaled in relief when he heard the door close again, keeping the guard out
Staring at himself in the mirror, Jensen debated his next move.
Technically he should back out, fake a headache or a family emergency that would let him get out of the room and take a shot at the emerald. The gala was still in progress downstairs, however, giving him a broad window of opportunity, plus there was still the matter of the guards outside.
Clearly sex was the best solution.
Scanning the bathroom for suitable lotion, Jensen could almost hear Jeff's voice in his ear, chiding him about the unprofessionalism of fucking a random waiter while on a heist.
Of course, since Jensen had been fucked on multiple heists by Jeff himself, he possibly wasn't the best authority on professionalism.
Also Jared was hot, sweet, and well-endowed, and Jensen had been going through a dry spell.
Deciding to go with the sex option, Jensen took a couple of minutes to engage in some perfunctory prep -- Jared was not a small dude -- and so had his foot propped on the counter and two fingers knuckle-deep in his ass when there was a timid knock on the door.
"Hey," Jared called to him. "You okay in there?"
"Peachy," Jensen called back.
Swinging his leg back down, he washed the lotion off his hands before stealing one of the condoms belonging to the room's paying occupant. It felt weirdly different now that his motivation for sex was personal satisfaction rather than professional requirements but he was soon soothed when he opened the bathroom door to find Jared leaning against the wall.
He was still dressed in the sheet, which was now held loosely around his hips, and Jensen took a second to appreciate the cut of his abs and the firm, lean muscle of his arms.
Jensen may have been a thief but he still had needs. Tonight those needs just happened to be Jared-shaped.
"Where were we?"
"My dick was in your mouth," Jared replied. His eyes went wide. "Uh, not that we need to start there," he added lamely. "I was just, y'know. Accuracy."
Pulling him into a kiss, Jensen wondered when he'd started to find Jared's communication failures so endearing.
He rode him back onto the bed, lips smashed together as he sat astride his hips and kissed him hungrily. Some of Jared's strength bled through into his grip as he grabbed at Jensen's hips, pulling him down until his dick was grinding up against Jensen's ass through the sheet.
His mouth was hot and slick against Jensen's and Jensen let out a genuine sigh of enjoyment at the feel of Jared's tongue curling against his while his dick rode the crease of his ass.
Reaching back, he fumbled with the sheet, trying to get it out of the way so he could get his hand on Jared's cock again. He didn't have any luck and bit down on Jared's lower lip in frustration before muttering, "This fucking sheet-"
"Patience, Young Skywalker." Jared slid one hand down to Jensen's ass and reached with the other to whip the sheets off his hips. The warm length of his dick was an immediate change and Jensen pushed back, rolling his shoulders and feeling the buzz spread along his nerves as he tried to relax his body.
Breaking away from the kiss, he shuffled backwards, opening the condom packet and rolling the rubber down over Jared's cock, but froze when Jared grabbed his arm.
"Whoa, wait a second," he said urgently. "Don't you need some slick or something first?"
Jensen shook his head and leaned down to kiss him again. "I'm good," he promised, positioning himself above Jared's dick until he could feel the blunt tip of it pushing against his hole.
"How are you good?" Jared asked, confused. "I'm not small, so unless you have a magic expanding asshole-"
"God, shut up," Jensen said, smiling anyway. "I prepped in the bathroom, okay?"
Jared groaned. "You're telling me I missed watching you fuck yourself open on your fingers? C'mon, man…"
"I'm so sorry," he said sarcastically. "We can stop if you want? Y'know, if actual fucking is less exciting for you than watching me tool around with hand lotion for ten minutes."
"Aww, baby, why you gotta be like that?" Jared teased, sliding up against Jensen's ass again. "If you're ready, I'm ready."
Jensen was more than ready. Gripping Jared's forearms for balance, he sunk down slowly, wincing as he adjusted to the width of Jared's dick inside him. The condom and the lotion eased the way but Jensen found himself gasping through the burn as he worked himself back onto his cock an inch at a time.
"Christ," he murmured, squirming a little on Jared's lap as he grew accustomed to the intrusion.
"I warned you," Jared said.
There was a hint of smugness in his tone and Jensen tried hard not to think about the way that made his dick twitch in his hand. He was not supposed to be turned on by the cockiness of dumbass waiters. (Generously proportioned dicks, on the other hand, were a totally acceptable reason for arousal.)
"Just move," he said impatiently, wanting to put Jared's length and girth to good use.
Wrapping his hand around his dick, he pushed himself up on his knees and rolled his hips as Jared pushed into him, opening him up and igniting a fresh burn. Jared moved again, deep and confident, and Jensen closed his eyes, catching his lips between his teeth and settling into the sensations.
Distracted, he was taken by surprise when Jared moved swiftly, keeping his dick inside him as he rolled them both over until Jensen was on his back with Jared's balls slapping against his ass. His eyes flew open and he blinked up at Jared. "What the-"
"I said you couldn't boss me around," Jared said, leaning down to kiss him. The movement made him press harder against Jensen's ass and Jensen writhed helplessly, unable to concentrate enough to kiss him back as he shivered with the new stimulation. "This is better," Jared promised, hooking Jensen's legs over his arms and thrusting shallowly.
Jensen narrowed his eyes. It was hard to look displeased when Jared's dick was rubbing up against his prostate so nicely. "I like being on top."
"So do I," Jared teased, thrusting in with deep, generous strokes which made Jensen's toes curl in pleasure. "Call it a compromise."
"This isn't compromising," Jensen argued, rocking his hips up to meet Jared's movements. "This is you being on top and me being flat on my back with my ass in the air."
A sheepish grin spread across Jared's face.
Jensen shook his head. "I hate you."
"You can be on top next time."
"Gee, thanks," Jensen said. Given the warm glow of satisfaction that was spreading through him as a result of Jared's dick in his ass, it didn't come out as sarcastic as he had intended. "I like how you assume there's a next time."
Jared grinned again.
"Fuck you," Jensen muttered and pulled him into a kiss.
Jared kissed rougher now, like he'd lost some of his inhibitions between the elevator and the borrowed bedroom, and Jensen parted his lips to let Jared's tongue tease its way along his own as he met each of Jared's thrusts with a muffled moan. He canted his hips up, enjoying the fullness and the force behind each push inside, and he slid one hand into Jared's messy hair as he reached down to grab his dick with the other.
"God, Jason," Jared breathed out against his cheek. "Fuck."
Being called another guy's name during sex was never Jensen's favorite thing, even when it was the alias he'd picked for himself, but it was easy enough to solve that problem by tugging Jared's mouth back onto his. He was close, could feel the pulse of it running up his legs and down his spine, and he jerked his dick faster with the whispered warning, "I'm close, man."
Jared sounded genuinely relieved when he smiled against his lips. "Oh, thank god."
It was hard not to laugh, and Jensen settled for a smile of his own as he closed his eyes and worked himself closer to completion with every stroke and thrust. His whole body was hot, thighs trembling where they were slung over Jared's arms, and he dragged in air like a cigarette as Jared bottomed out inside him with a cry.
Jared shook as he came, deep tremors which vibrated along Jensen's skin, and Jensen dropped his head back into the pillow to follow him in the dive. It washed over him, submerging him for a long, perfect moment and Jensen enjoyed the blissful drop before he needed to gasp for air.
Exhausted, Jared collapsed on top of him, cock sliding slickly out of Jensen's ass as he rested his head against Jensen's chest. "Wow," he mumbled.
"I concur," Jensen said. He yawned, almost out of habit, but was pleased that his energy didn't seem too low. If he didn't have a robbery to commit, he would've definitely been up for another round. "You good?"
"I'm awesome," Jared said, resting his chin on Jensen's chest as he looked up at him. "Guess me being on top isn't so bad, huh?"
"Please don't make me regret sleeping with you."
"My lips are sealed," Jared said, stretching up to kiss him again. "Well, almost sealed."
He tickled his tongue along Jensen's lower lip and Jensen allowed himself another moment to indulge in the kiss before he shifted away with a pat to Jared's cheek. "I should clean up," he said, feeling the familiar ache in his ass when he scooted across the bed. "We need to get back to work."
He heard Jared groan. "God, don't remind me."
"Sorry, man," he said, wandering around to the bathroom. "I need to get paid."
Jared stretched out in the bed, long and lean and naked, and Jensen told himself to stop thinking about staying for a second run.
"Fine," Jared agreed reluctantly. "I'll use the bathroom when you're done." He yawned widely. "You don't mind if I nap for ten minutes first, right?"
"Sleep all you want," Jensen said with a smile. If Jared was asleep, that would make getting from their room to the safe in the suite even easier.
He lingered long enough to see Jared settle down on the pillows with his eyes closed before ducking into the bathroom to clean up. There was come painted in stripes across his chest and stomach and Jensen grabbed a washcloth to wipe himself down.
He dumped the cloth in the bath when he was finished with the clean-up and used the bathroom telephone to call down for housekeeping. Leaving a come-covered sheet and washcloth in some guy's bedroom wasn't the best way to avoid detection.
Clean but still naked, he headed back out to the bedroom to check that Jared was asleep. It would be nice if he could steal the emerald without undergoing a post-sex interrogation first.
However, both Jensen and his plans came to an abrupt halt when he found the bed was empty.
"Jared? Jared, you here?"
There was no answer from anywhere in the room. Jensen's heart started to sink.
"Shit."
Scanning the floor, he found his own shoes but frowned when he saw that Jared's shoes were missing, along with Jensen's white tee, chef's jacket and checkered pants.
"Motherfucker..."
Taking comfort in the fact Jared probably wasn't a cop, since the police weren't exactly renowned clothes-stealers, Jensen pulled on his own underwear along with most of the waiter's outfit Jared had arrived in. His car keys and shoes had been left behind and Jensen was thankful for small mercies as he dressed himself as best he could. Tucking the tie into his pocket, he folded the sleeves of the oversized shirt up to his elbows and tried to figure out his next move.
Unfortunately, going back in time and not sleeping with a fake waiter was not an option.
The wind blew through the thin curtains, making them dance and billow, and Jensen jogged over to look out. The city was a long way below them, lit up with cars and street signs, but the window had been forced open to let someone out onto the tiny ledge which ran along the length of the building.
"Fucking son of a fuck," he spat, closing the window and looking around. There was no way he was pulling a spiderman but if Jared was after the same necklace, Jensen needed to get his ass in gear and beat him to the prize.
The vents were the way to go.
Climbing up on the dresser, Jensen pushed the cover up and looked at the opening with a sigh. The whole vent-crawling thing had been easier before his shoulders decided to get quite so broad.
He wasn't about to lose the evening's haul to Jared though -- if that was even his real name -- so he wriggled his gloves from where they were concealed in the soles of his shoes and slipped inside the vent as quickly and carefully as possible.
Unlike the climb from the elevator, Jensen at least knew where he was going as he pulled himself along the vents towards the suite at the end of the hallway. He kept his movements as swift and silent as possible, not wanting to attract the attention of the guards or the occupants of the rooms he was crawling over, but he slowed his pace when he spotted the furnishings of the suite under the grates in the vent.
The safe was state of the art, ordered in to accompany the Colonel on his travels and stored in the bedroom where he could keep watch over it, and Jensen felt the familiar thrill of the hunt spark up when he caught sight of the bed through the grate beneath him.
Inching forward on his elbows, Jensen peered down through the grate. According to the plans, the guards should've only been stationed outside the suite, not in the Colonel's bedroom, so Jensen froze when he caught sight of a person walking past the end of the bed.
He narrowed his eyes a second later when recognition set in. Fucking Jared and his stupid fucking hair.
Curious, he watched Jared pull something out of the underside of his shoe and then move out of Jensen's range of vision. Cursing under his breath, Jensen lifted the flap of the grate as quietly as he could and poked his head down cautiously to peek into the room.
His interest was piqued when he saw Jared on his knees in front of the oversized safe.
Jared's ear was pressed to the metal and he dropped his hand to the locks as Jensen watched from above, privately fascinated. Jensen was good at safe-cracking -- good enough that he'd been hired for this job -- but it felt like relearning the basics as he watched Jared's long, slim fingers work on the locks and the combinations.
In the silence of the bedroom, he heard the quiet thunks of the safe mechanisms giving way and he eased himself silently out of the vent, once again thankful for Jeff's training. He wasn't sure how to explain his presence in a strange bedroom but he'd be damned if he let Jared get away with something that was Jensen's to steal.
Jensen's feet touched down on the carpet, the too-big slacks hanging down to his ankles, but he kept still as the safe door popped open under Jared's skilful hands. Jared punched the air in silent triumph and Jensen smirked.
When it came to the 'dorky waiter' persona, evidently it was only the waiter part that was an act.
He peered around Jared's shoulder as he fumbled in the safe and had to curl his hands into fists to stop himself lunging forward when Jared opened the box containing the emerald necklace.
It was almost hypnotizing as it shimmered and glittered in the low light of the bedroom and Jensen inched closer, hoping to get an opportunity to snatch it from Jared. He was kind of embarrassed by how dry his mouth went when he watched Jared lift the necklace in his gloved hands, inspecting the bright green of the emerald before slipping it safely inside his stolen pants, and he told himself to focus.
He did not need to be developing a fetish for hot guys holding expensive jewels. Especially when the hot guy in question had just fooled him and stolen what should have been Jensen's.
"Hey!"
He was vindictively satisfied by the way Jared all but jumped out of his skin at the sudden noise. He put his hands on his hips and tried to look business-like and intimidating as Jared stood up and whirled around, eyes wide and guilty.
His eyes narrowed as soon as he recognized Jensen. "Jason? What the hell are you doing here?"
Jensen aimed for righteous indignation as he replied, "Me? You're the one who's a goddamn thief!"
"What?" Jared's shock was not particularly convincing. "No, I'm not."
"I just saw you steal something!"
Jared put his hands behind his back. "No, you didn't."
"I did! You just-"
"Oh my god," Jared interrupted, staring at something behind Jensen in horror, "does that parrot have a grenade?"
Frowning, Jensen turned to look and instantly regretted it when Jared bolted for the windows.
"Hey!" he called again, trying not to be loud enough to alert the guards. Running to the window, he stretched out an arm to block Jared's exit and stared him down as he said, "I saw you take something from that safe."
He half-expected Jared to shove him out of his way to make his escape but was relieved when Jared stepped back, running a hand through his hair.
"Look," Jared said hopefully, "it's kind of a long story but the dude who owns this necklace is a really bad guy. I'm just taking it to give it to someone more deserving." He shrugged. "I'm like Robin Hood. Except I don't live in a forest or have merry men."
Jensen eyed him skeptically. It did happen sometimes, a newbie embracing the 'steal from the rich, give to the poor' attitude, but given Jared's impressive skills, Jensen would've put money on him subscribing to the 'steal from one rich asshole, give to another rich asshole, profit massively in the process' approach to thievery.
"I don't know," Jensen said, trying to sound like a civilian having a moral crisis. He'd just been thoroughly fucked; now was not the time he wanted to practice his acting abilities. "You stole from a guy, Jared. That's not right."
Jared sighed. "Jason…"
"No," Jensen said obstinately. "You need to put it back. Now."
"Jason-"
"Now," Jensen repeated. He wondered if he should stamp his foot to get his point across. "Or I'll call the police, I swear."
Jared hesitated so Jensen stepped in closer, putting his hand on his chest and saying softly, "Look, maybe we could go get coffee and you can explain how this whole thief thing works but I don't want to be a party to this. Please," he said, looking up at him through his lashes, "just let me put it back."
Jared's eyes lingered on his mouth and Jensen hid his grin when Jared finally reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace to drop it into Jensen's waiting hand.
"Fine," he relented. "I'll give it back. But you owe me a really big coffee for this," he added, stepping aside to let Jensen put the necklace back in the safe. "Like, a keg of coffee."
Slipping the necklace down his oversized sleeve, Jensen smirked. "I'll see what I can do."
He pushed the safe shut and stood up, brushing the carpet fluff off his pants as he turned back to face Jared. "Hey, why did you take my-"
He shut up at the sight of Jared brandishing a candlestick.
"I saw that," Jared said, waving his makeshift weapon in Jensen's face. "You just put it down your sleeve. I saw you. You're not a chef, are you?"
Jensen debated continuing the pretence -- after all, he'd made it this far -- but couldn't think of a convincing explanation as to why a chef would be standing in a locked bedroom, dressed in stolen clothes and a pair of gloves, with an emerald necklace stashed up his sleeve.
He let the mask drop.
"And you were such a convincing waiter," he said sarcastically.
Jared's eyes widened. "Ha! I knew it!"
"Took you long enough to figure it out," Jensen retorted. "I mean, your random hook-up just happens to show up in a locked room while you're stealing some jewelry and you don't think maybe that's suspicious?"
"I was surprised!" Jared defended, lowering the candlestick and stepping in closer. "You were threatening to call the cops, then you were putting your hands on my chest and making bedroom eyes at me. Excuse me for getting distracted!"
"It's not my fault you're bad at your job," Jensen shot back. "I wonder if your employer knows how much you think with your dick instead of your brain."
"I don't have-"
"An employer?" Jensen shook his head. "Don't give me that Robin Hood bullshit, jackass. We both know you're getting paid to be here."
"Well, maybe I'm giving my fee to the poor and needy," Jared said smugly.
"Are you?"
"Okay, no," Jared said honestly. "But I do make anonymous donations sometimes."
"You're a saint," Jensen deadpanned.
Confident that Jared wasn't about to bludgeon him to death any time soon, he backed away towards the bed and the vent in the ceiling. "Nice to meet you, Jared. I mean, if that is your actual name."
Jared frowned. "Of course it's my actual name, why-" His mouth fell open. "Wait, your name isn't Jason? What the fuck, asshole?"
"I'm a thief," Jensen said. He hoped the 'duh' was implied. "I'm not gonna go around like a fucking chump telling everyone my real name."
He looked up at the grate, judging the best way to climb, but yelped when he was tackled down to the bed and pinned there by the weight of Jared's body. "Fuck-"
"Shh, shh, shh," Jared whispered, clapping a gloved hand over his mouth. "Don't wanna alert the guards." He grinned. "Not until I'm home free, anyway."
Jensen squirmed underneath him, flailing uselessly, and he protested through Jared's hand as Jared pinned his arm to the bed and pulled the necklace out of his sleeve. "Fuck you!"
"And we were getting on so well before," Jared said sadly, pocketing the emerald.
As soon as his mouth was uncovered, Jensen struggled harder and demanded, "Get your hands off me."
Jared complied but teased as he stood up, "That's not what you were saying before." His smile faded. "Wait, did you only sleep with me to avoid the guards?"
"What? No!"
Jared raised his eyebrows.
"No," Jensen reiterated. He sat up on the bed then admitted, "Okay, it was sixty-forty."
"Asshole."
"Thief."
Jared grinned. "A successful thief, though." He patted his pocket and winked at him. "Bye, Jason."
He only needed the smallest push off the bed to reach the vent and Jensen sat there, stunned, as Jared pulled himself up out of the room and waved back down to him. Propelling himself to his feet, Jensen tried to follow, but his fingers only brushed the opening as Jared watched with a grin.
"You know the term is 'cat burglar', right?" Jared teased. "Not 'tiny little kitten burglar'."
"I'm going to kill you," Jensen promised, looking around for something to stand on.
"I think you have me confused with a scratching post," Jared said. "I know it must be difficult for you." He smiled down at him one last time. "See you around, kitten."
Jensen's overwhelming urge to punch him in his stupid face was frustrated by the distance between them. He couldn't do anything but watch as Jared slid away through the vent but then went back to scanning the room for anything that could give him those few extra inches of height he needed to follow Jared.
There was no way he was leaving without that necklace. He was a professional, goddammit.
Pillows seemed like a good solution. Stacking them at the foot of the bed, Jensen pushed off with one foot as he jumped for the opening in the ceiling. He slipped back to the floor on his first attempt but his second shot was high enough to let him hook his elbows through the vent and haul the rest of his body up.
He made it in time to see Jared's feet disappearing around the corner in the distance and he took off after him as quick as he could.
He wondered if there would be enough space in the vent to punch Jared.
Judging by their respective speeds, Jensen was obviously more accustomed to traveling in vents. It was cramped and hot, making him feel like he was a rat in a maze, but the emerald was enough of an incentive to make him keep going. He followed Jared down the vents, crawling fast enough that his knees burned, but he came to a stop when he was faced with a two-way junction with no clue which direction Jared had taken.
"Crap."
Slumping onto his elbows, Jensen replayed his route from the Colonel's hotel room and took the left fork off towards the elevators. If he couldn't catch Jared in the vents, he'd be there waiting to trip him up at the finish line.
No-one called Jensen 'kitten' and got away with it.
Unless they were Jeff, that is.
It was easy to follow the downward slope of the vents on his way back to the elevator shaft and Jensen smiled when he saw the familiar brick wall of the shaft come into view in front of him. Hoisting the too-big pants up from where they were slipping down his body, he crawled to the exit and paused, not wanting to stick his head out and get decapitated by an elevator.
He heard a whirring in the shaft that got louder and louder before falling silent somewhere close by. It was followed by the well-known whoosh of the elevator doors opening and Jensen peered out of the vent to see the elevator resting just below him.
He didn't have time to second-guess himself. If it was Jared in the elevator, all the better but he'd take whatever transport he could get at this point. He slid out of the vent, landing hard on top of the elevator carriage, and he hung onto the roof as it began its descent.
His initial plan had been to sit on the roof until the elevator reached its destination but it didn't take long for Jensen to reconsider and pry the roof panels open.
This was not fucking Mission Impossible; he wanted to ride inside the elevators where there was minimal risk of death, not hang on top of them like a crazy person. Whoever was inside could just deal with him landing on their heads.
Scrambling to get down, Jensen slid through the roof of the elevator to safety.
Luckily, he managed to land in someone's arms rather than in a tangled heap on the floor.
Unluckily, those arms belonged to Jared.
Jared smiled at him. "Hi."
"You son of a-"
Jensen aimed a punch at Jared's face. He wasn't usually one to resort to violence but it had been an evening of conflicting emotions and Jared deserved some kind of penalty for stealing Jensen's necklace. And for lying to him about being a waiter. And for making fun of him for being short.
Still off-balance from the fall through the roof, Jensen's punch was sloppy and wide. Presumably to avoid any further violence, Jared dropped him, sending Jensen tumbling backwards to the floor at the same time that he kicked out with his leg to try to keep his balance.
He landed hard on his shoulder, smacking his head against the wall of the elevator, and heard a shout of pain from Jared. "Ow, fuck!"
Jared glared at him as Jensen pulled himself to his feet. "You just kicked me in the face, asshole."
Jensen had wondered what that solid thing against his foot was.
"You dropped me!" he countered.
"Because you were trying to punch me!"
"Only because you called me a kitten!"
"You look like a kitten!"
It took about half a second for them both to realize how ridiculous they sounded. Jared cracked up first but Jensen wasn't far behind as he leaned against the side of the elevator. "I hate you."
"If it helps, I hate you too," Jared said, rubbing his jaw. "I can't believe you kicked me in the face."
"Sorry," Jensen said, actually meaning it this time. "It was an accident." He moved in close, tilting Jared's head back and inspecting the mark on his jaw while he eased the necklace out of his pocket. "It doesn't look broken."
He felt Jared steal it back as he said, "I'm good."
There was a moment's awkward silence as the elevator continued down.
"I gotta ask," Jensen said, "why did you steal my clothes?"
Jared looked down at where the hems of his stolen pants were hovering around his ankles. "I figured someone might be looking for a missing waiter. Your stuff looked like it would fit so I decided to be a chef for a while." He looked Jensen up and down with a smirk. "You should be grateful I left those behind." His smirk vanished. "Although it would've been awesome to watch you try to steal the necklace in your underwear. Man, I make the worst choices."
Jensen elbowed him in the side and retrieved the necklace. "Dick."
"That was fun too," Jared said with mock-seriousness. "So, you been doing this long? The stealing, not the pretending to be a chef."
"A while," Jensen said, repeating his earlier answer. "Long enough to know what I'm doing. I'm guessing you're still kinda new to this?"
"How'd you figure?"
"You told me your real name," Jensen said. "Rookie mistake."
Jared ran a hand through his hair. "I know. I used an alias to get the waiter gig, I just-" He gestured to Jensen. "You were hot. I got flustered."
"Thank you?"
"I guess 'you're so hot you made me remember my own name' doesn't work so well as a compliment, huh?" Jared said easily, bumping their shoulders together. "The sex was still great, by the way. Even if I feel kinda dirty now."
Jensen rubbed his eyes. "God, why did I sleep with you?"
"Because I'm irresistible," Jared said matter-of-factly. "And because you were using me for my sex noises."
Jensen shrugged. That seemed accurate.
"Are you gonna tell me your real name?" Jared asked. "I think I've earned it."
"Give me the emerald and I'll tell you my name," Jensen said. He was pretty sure Jared had stolen it back from him about eight seconds earlier.
"C'mon, man," Jared pleaded. "I like knowing the real names of the people I sleep with. Right now it feels like I only know your hooker name."
Jensen's eyebrows shot up. "Hooker name? It's an alias. For stealing things under."
"And apparently for having sex under," Jared pointed out cockily.
Jensen wasn't sure whether he wanted to slap him or kiss him. It had been a long night.
"I can guess?" Jared suggested. "Reginald. Sapphire Barbie. Maude. Freckles."
"Freckles?"
"I like how you look all offended at being called Freckles but Sapphire Barbie is no big deal," Jared teased, tapping Jensen on the freckle-covered nose. "It's cute."
Jensen slapped his hand away. "I'm not cute," he said firmly. "And my name's Jensen."
Jared's arm dropped to his side. "Jensen? The Jensen?"
"There's a 'the Jensen'?"
"You stole the diamonds in London last year, right?" Jared said, sounding amazed. "And the diadem in Quebec?"
"That'd be me," Jensen said. He shouldn't have been glad that Jared had heard of him -- thieves were only good so long as they could stay under the radar -- but there was something unavoidably flattering about the awe in Jared's voice. "I don't recognize your name though. Sorry, dude."
"No problem," Jared said. "I mostly go by JT in professional circles anyway."
"Shit, you're JT Padalecki?" he asked. "You pulled that heist in Vegas a couple of months back. Made one hell of a splash for a newbie."
Jared bowed. "Why thank you."
Jensen found himself grinning as the elevator came to a stop on the first floor. It was weirdly nice to talk shop with someone for once.
They exited together, with Jensen taking the necklace out of Jared's pants yet again as he followed him along the hallway and down the stairs to the parking lot.
"So if I was going to ask you out," Jared said, jogging down the stairs beside him, "like on a real date, not just a quickie in a hotel room while we both try to steal the same thing, would you say yes?"
Jensen smiled. "Are you asking me out, JT?"
"Jared," he corrected. "And nope, just dealing in theories here. If I hypothetically asked you out, what would your hypothetical answer be?"
"A hypothetical maybe," Jensen said, feeling Jared's hand slide down to cup his ass. "There are other variables in play here."
"Like what?"
"Like whether you leave the necklace where it is or whether you steal it back again," he said, looking pointedly down at Jared's hand.
"Damn," Jared said, giving Jensen's ass a squeeze then slipping his hand into his pocket to retrieve the emerald. "There's no getting anything past you."
Jensen reached around him and stole it back. "Nope."
They headed out to the parking lot together but Jensen stumbled when someone came hurrying out of the shadows and bumped into him.
"Crap," Jake mumbled, fixing his hat back in place. "Sorry, Chef."
He pushed past him to head inside but Jared caught him by the scruff of the neck before he could get more than two steps away.
"Wow," Jared said, sounding almost impressed. "That was bad."
"Really, really bad," Jensen agreed, folding his arms across his chest and blocking Jake's exit. "I'm pretty sure there were better pickpocket attempts in Oliver Twist."
Jake's cheeks went pink. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jared and Jensen both held out a hand. "Give us the necklace," Jared ordered. "Now."
"Necklace? What necklace? I don't-"
Jake sank into mortified silence when Jensen raised his eyebrows and he sheepishly dug out the necklace to drop it into Jensen's waiting hand. Apparently blowtorches weren't the only thing Jake sucked at.
Giving Jake a nudge in the opposite direction, Jensen kept pace with Jared as they turned and walked towards their cars. He stopped when Jared came to a halt at the end of a row and nodded behind him. "I'm this way."
"I guess this is goodbye," Jensen said, batting his eyelashes.
Jared rolled his eyes and stroked his thumb along Jensen's jaw. "Screw you," he teased, lips curving in a half-smile. "Y'know, we'd make a good team."
"Yeah, because that definitely wouldn't end with us robbing each other and getting in a fight," Jensen deadpanned, tapping the red mark on Jared's face where he'd accidentally kicked him. "Tonight went so well."
"I'm glad you're so optimistic," Jared teased, closing more of the distance between them. "I mean it though. We'd be good together."
"If this is you angling for another hook-up, you can just come out and say it."
"We should hook up," Jared said obligingly, cupping his cheek. "And go on a date. And work a job together." His tongue darted out to lick his lips and he grinned. "Also there should be kisses happening now."
Jensen smiled. "I could live with that."
His eyes fluttered closed as his lips met Jared's. The kiss was smooth and hot, an easy slide of tongue against tongue, and Jensen yielded to it eagerly. He licked inside his mouth, pushing his fingers through Jared's hair and pressing their bodies together. Jared's other hand rested on his waist, creasing the material of the baggy button-down, and Jensen let his fingers slip up under Jared's tight t-shirt to rest against his lower back.
He breathed out in contentment when they broke apart and looked up at Jared with a wry smile. "Guess I'll see you around."
"Count on it," Jared promised, winking at him as he backed away.
Jensen should not have found that attractive.
Walking over to his own car, Jensen dropped into the driver's seat and pulled out to head for the exit. He rolled to a stop at the end of a row of parked cars and watched as Jared pulled up in front of him and stuck his head out of the window.
"Oh, yeah," Jared said, keeping his voice low, "I meant to say thanks."
Jensen leaned out of his own window but his eyes went wide when Jared held up the necklace. "How…"
"I took precautions," Jared said, dangling the necklace from his fingers. "We've been passing a fake back and forth for the last fifteen minutes. This baby's the real thing-" He mimed kissing the emerald. "-and it's been with me since the suite, safe and sound."
"You fucking-"
"Handsome son of a gun," Jared filled in happily. "I know." He winked at him again. It was only marginally less attractive this time. "Thanks for the help, Jensen."
He drove off, leaving Jensen staring open-mouthed after him. He slumped back to watch the lights of Jared's car disappear out of the parking lot before letting a smile creep across his face.
Shifting in his seat, Jensen slid his hand inside his pants to where the necklace was tucked between his leg and the waistband of his underwear. The emerald sparkled as he held it up to the light and Jensen tapped his fingernail against it, satisfied that it was real.
The real necklace had practically been nestled against Jared's balls when Jensen had switched it out for the fake, and as he drove towards the exit of the parking lot, Jensen didn't know whether to be proud or offended that Jared hadn't even noticed his hand on his dick.
Still, if the day ever came when stealth handjobs would save the day, Jensen was glad to know he'd apparently mastered that skill.
He hummed quietly as he turned onto the street, tapping his thumb against the wheel. He was content, that bone-deep satisfaction that accompanied a job well done, but he couldn't help but think that Jared was owed at least some of the credit for how perfectly sated Jensen felt.
He didn't know how Jared would react when he found out his necklace was the fake, but as far as Jensen was concerned, the pleasant ache in his ass was proof that Jared's evening hadn't been a total loss.
He wondered what they would do for their second date.