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Are they releasing the next season of Sherlock early or are you smiling just because, Mr. Ackles?”
Jensen felt the smile on his face when he heard his secretary, Mini talking. He flushed, which was absolutely unlike of him but then he WAS smiling, sitting here in his office alone at 10 in the morning.
“It’s Jared.” His smile broadened and he could feel the pride and happiness oozing out of him.
“Oooh, Mr. Padalecki! I met him at the office party 2 months ago. He is such a gentleman. You are so lucky. ”
His smile was now reaching his ears. He WAS lucky. Jared was the best thing that has happened to him. They were both set up by their parents and the last place Jensen thought he would find the love of his life was a restaurant where his mother would make him go to meet the Padalecki son.
“Yeah I guess I am. Want to see what he sent me?”
“I… I… it’s…” Before Mini could complete the sentence Jensen shoved the phone in her face. His smile was now breaking damn smile records.
There on the big screen of his phone was an array of different kind of cheeses displayed on their kitchen counter in an artful way with lots of sugar and spices and a little message was cradled in the corner, on a yellow paper with Jared’s word scrawled on it… ‘Guess what I am making for dessert tonight???’
“He is making cheesecake!” Jensen blurted out, before Mini could guess. He was smiling so much that he could feel is gums stretching and his cheeks hurting.
“Wow Mr. Ackles…”
“Yeah he is a great cook.” Jensen could not stop smiling. These incidents were what made Jensen the happiest man on earth.
These incidents taught Jensen just how important little things are.
They made him sure that his shy boy friend who cannot say ‘I love you’ very often DOES love him.
“He is very different and I love that about him. He always makes things better and happier. I… I don’t know how to explain this. It’s just that he is so… so…”
“Different.” Mini whispered.
“Yeah… yeah.” Jensen was nodded.
Jared WAS different from the rest of the world, how he was satisfied with what he had…
How what he wanted with life was not more but just enough…
How his happiness relied not on what he wanted with life but on what he already had.
These things made Jared the person, Jensen was head over heels in.
Jared was one of the shyest people too, he was not aware of the effect he had on people, on Jensen.
Jensen adored that about Jared. He adored how easily he could make Jared blush or stutter or both. He adored the way Jared’s eyes would fall down when Jensen explored his body or his mind. He adored the little lip and cheek biting he did when they were together and the way he stared at Jensen thinking that Jensen didn’t know.
“Umm Mr. Ackles can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“I don’t want to intrude but umm,” Mini was chewing her lip and that got Jensen’s attention. She was normally absolutely confident about things that she wanted to say.
“Mini what is it?”
“I was cleaning your desk about three months ago when I first came across it and it’s been lying there since then...”
“What is?”
“You know Mr. Ackles!” and there was that confidence that Jensen was missing about a moment or two ago.
“The ring.”
“Yes. Yes, the ring.”
The ring was a golden band with the words ‘always’ written on its underside. It was Jared’s favorite quote from his favorite book series.
And the reason it had Jared’s favorite quote from his favorite book series was because… it was for Jared.
“I…” Jensen didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
“Mr. Ackles when I say you got lucky with Mr. Padalecki, you should also know that I think, Mr. Padalecki is quite lucky to have you too.”
“Mini, I’m sorta scared.”
“You! Mr. Ackles! I swear I’ve seen mob bosses come to our company and bend to your will. How could you be scared of proposing?”
“Okay first of all, there are no mob bosses coming here,” Jensen could feel Mini smiling, “and secondly I’m not scared of proposing… in fact I’ll propose in the middle of times square in my boxers with a 100 national television cameras stuffed in my face. What I’m scared of is… you know…” Jensen shrugged his shoulders and made some innocent koala bear faces in hopes of getting his message across and apparently he succeeded…
“You are afraid Mr. Padalecki would say no.”
“…” a breath left Jensen, yes, that’s exactly what he was afraid of.
“Mr. Ackles when my husband proposed to me he was sweating bullets and shaking like a leaf I thought he was gonna go in shock or something but as a person on the other side of the ring let me tell you that the ring is overrated and the heart, Mr. Ackles is under rated,” Jensen could see that Mini meant she was saying and he listened to her enraptured, “we don’t want the ring, we want a place in your heart and we want you guys to want the same thing.”
“But…”
“No Mr. Ackles, if the love I see in your eyes is true, then you need not worry. I promise.”
“Mini...”
“I don’t want to see that ring in the desk any more… Mr. Ackles.” Mini ordered her boss with a mischievous smile.
“Okay … you won’t. I guess.”
Jensen has decided even if he has to take a whole prescription of anti-anxiety medicines, even then he will propose to Jared now because after all his secretary who has never been wrong about anything ever didn’t just say that the ring was overrated .
--
They had had a nice dinner and the dogs were asleep. Jensen was rubbing the ring under the table nervously. He was so full on the veg. lasagna and the homemade cheesecake that he felt drunk on food but mostly he felt the tingling in his stomach because this was now or never.
Jared was in the kitchen cleaning the leftovers, whistling, talking…
He was going to propose at home because Jensen knew Jared would love that.
He remembered when they started going out he had just started his company and when he asked Jared to move in with him he was living in this same house, after a few months they had enough saving to put down a payment for a bigger house but Jared was so much in love with his simple two bedroom house that he asked Jensen if it was really important to move and Jensen could never say yes to Jared.
He loved that slowly his house converted in theirs.
Jared asked him for a bean bag one day, they got a little wooden wind chime for their back yard and Jared got them big comfy chairs to read and eat ice cream and watch snowfall on Saturday nights. They got a little aquarium, Jared selected the paint when they decided to repaint and they both made handprints behind their bed where no one could see the handprints but them.
The kitchen was Jared’s favorite place, Jensen was pleasantly surprised when he first went kitchen appliance and utensils shopping with Jared one day. Jared loved everything. It seemed he would buy the whole store, that day Jensen realized just how simple it was to make Jared happy. He didn’t want bigger house or designer watches, just buy him a new shiny set of knives or a set beautiful crockery and Jared would smother him with kisses.
Jensen would have never thought that he would find someone who enjoys the simpler pleasures of life this much.
Jared didn’t want the best and the fastest cars, he wanted their car where he was sitting shot gun while Jensen drove.
He didn’t want first editions or expensive paperbacks of his favorite books and that’s why Jensen always remembers to download new books or the books Jared wants to read in his kindle. If he does that because he is totally in love with the happiness on Jared’s face when he discovers the book then that’s not so bad either.
“Jen.”
Jared was standing beside him, coffee mugs in his hands.
“What you got there?”
Oh god! He can't breathe. May be he should call Mini and tell him that he can't do this, may be she’ll give him that ‘ring is overrated’ speech again.
“Jensen… you alright?”
Fuck.
He should probably talk now… “Ahhh… yeah immm.. uuhhhh..mthat’s amm”
Fuckfuckfuck.
Jared had kept the cups down. He was watching Jensen with the big beautiful hazel eyes. They were insanely beautiful.
He got up from the chair and knelt down, ring on display now. Jared’s eyes became even bigger, he bit his lip and the fan overhead waved a hair strand of his chocolate color hair.
“Marry me?”
It felt that a balloon that was inflating inside Jensen’s stomach had deflated all of a sudden, with these words Jensen found the lost confident. He was going to say more, say how Jared made him the happiest man and how they would have the perfect little life and how Jensen would take care of Jared and how…
It took him a while to realize that Jared’s facial expression were not exactly how he thought they would be, he looked puzzled… troubled and then he was kneeling down too.
Why was he kneeling down? Isn’t he suppose to yes?
“Jensen… I umm I wanted to talk to you about something and I know, I realize that it’s not the right time to… to… tell you but this is huge and I just I want to tell you my thing before I give you an answer.”
Was the world still spinning?
Was Jensen breathing?
Were the stars still there?
“Are you saying no… is that a, you… you don’t love me? Do you?” Jensen said the first thing that came to his mind and then some more, “please, just say it. I want to get it over…”
Jared placed his index finger on top of Jensen’s lips but he kept talking… babbling.
Jared removed the finger and placed the deepest kiss on Jensen’s mouth and that got him to finally shut up and listen.
“I love you. I love you so much that it hurts but Jen please will you hear me out, I feel like I need to tell you this in fact YOU need to hear this before I give you an answer. Please, may I?”
Jensen should never have proposed, how that saying went… never fix what’s not broken. They had a perfect life but Jensen had to get greedy and destroy everything and he was so firing Mini tomorrow. The ring was definitely not overrated, it was wrecking Jensen’ life right now! Wasn’t it?
“Jen… you here with me? Please don’t go all zombie on me.”
Jensen managed little nod and hoped that Jared would understand it as a sign of continuing and as always Jared did… understood.
“Jensen, I want to quit my job.”
“What! That’s what you wanted to tell me.”
“Yeah… what did YOU think?”
“I…” Jensen could never verbalize how he thought Jared was going to tell him how he loved someone else or how Jared never wanted to get married or how Jensen was not the one but then the sane part of his brain decided to take over, “why do you want to quit, did something happen? Someone hurt you? I’m gonna kill them! I’m gonna kill their entire family!”
“Jensen! Nothing happened. I want to quit because I… I… fuck I don’t know.”
“But what are you gonna do then?”
“That’s the problem Jen, I don’t know?” Jared looked so much like a cute hurt puppy that Jensen wanted nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and promise him that he is going to make all the boo-boo’s go away but now was the time to listen, so he listened, “I’ve been struggling with it for some time now and I hate that I didn’t say anything to you, but I was gonna and then suddenly you are on one knee and I didn’t want you to make a decision without telling you about my struggle with… this, whatever this is?”
“But babe you must have thought something, anything.”
“I want to cook… And read and write? May be? I don’t know Jen and that’s why I wanted things crystal clear before I said anything to you.”
“Maybe we can get you in a culinary school or a writing course or a…”
“No! no, that’s not the solution Jen. You don’t get it!”
“Baby…”Jensen was now even more puzzled. Jared had practically jumped when Jensen mentioned schools, Jensen wanted nothing but Jared to be happy and right now his boyfriend looked anything but. Jensen started getting that Jared was struggling and he was willing to listen even if he had to do it while he was still kneeling, “tell me… make me get it.”
“How can I make you get it if ‘I’ don’t even get it,” a breath left Jared’s lungs and a tear pooled around his left eye threatening to flow, “I just know that I don’t want to go that office again, I want to read things, there are so many things that I want to write and… discover what I really am. I need to… need to fuck… Jensen I don’t know.”
“I know."
“Jensen…”
“You need time… with yourself” Jensen said rubbing soothing circles on the small of Jared’s back and as soon as the words come out Jared seemed to relax, “you’ve been working since you were sixteen and now you need time to discover the things that have changed in you with age and you need time and that okay.”
“Yes! Yes that’s what I need… oh my god. I’ve been struggling Jensen and you just said the right words. How… how do you do it?”
“That’s what we do for each other, isn’t it. Know each other inside out.”
“Would you still want to marry me, marry someone who doesn’t have a career and doesn’t know what he wants with life?”
“Babe, you know what you want with life, there are hundreds of people who keep going and keep carrying the burden of things they don’t want to do because they are too coward to do anything about it but not you, you told me and you are willing to quit it and that makes you the person that I would want to marry.”
“Am I completely mad to do this Jensen?”
“May be you are, may be you are not. I don’t know but what I know is that I’m one hundred percent beside you in whatever you do or decide to not-do.”
“Jensen… I would never want to burden you with money issues.”
“You are not burdening me with anything, I earn enough to give us both a comfortable life and it’s not like you would suddenly turn into 50’s housewife. You earn when you discover your thing. Though I’m not completely opposite to the idea of you being my personal 50’s housewife, you got the right hair already.”
Jared stifled a laughter and fake-punched Jensen on his bicep.
Finally the world was revolving right again…
“Show me the ring before I change my mind you kinky fool…”
Jensen opened his fist and revealed the golden band.
“I love it… Jensen,” Jared lifted his eyes and the force of their beauty might have knocked Jensen out if he was not holding on to Jared, his anchor , “I will love It always.”
“Always.”
Jared kissed him while Jensen was sliding the ring in Jared’s left finger. Its home.