Chapter Text
“You want me to do what?” Natalie stares at the girl standing casually in front of her in disbelief.
“I want you to drive to California with me.” Natalie keeps staring at her, blinking in confusion. “Yeah I think I heard that part but like, what the fuck do you mean ? We’re not even friends.”
Friends isn’t the last thing that Natalie would use to describe their relationship. They had been on the soccer team together for basically four years, countless trips and shared hotel rooms, been at multiple parties together which...Natalie tried to not think too hard about how that ended up.
They were acquaintances, teammates, friendly ...sure. But friends? Not so much. Not anymore.
Natalie doesn’t think she has the ability to even be friends with Lottie Matthews. Who just asked her to drive to California. Together.
“So? I want to go and you’re the only other person I know besides Van who isn’t heading off to college. And no offense to Van but she and Tai are so joined at the hip I don’t think that it’d be possible to cross a state line without both of them,” Lottie tells her, leaning back against her car and folding her arms across her chest. And...fuck. Natalie was seriously considering her offer.
“Okay, so like, what’s in California? Like what’s the goal?” Natalie asked. If she was gonna do this, she needed to at least know why . Lottie was known for her, for lack of a better term, whims and Natalie wasn’t gonna cross the damn country for no damn reason.
“Lots of things. LA, San Francisco, the beach. I don’t know. I haven’t really decided. Are you saying no? Because I’m going no matter what. I just thought some company would be nice,” Lottie responds, looking Natalie up and down in the way that always makes her stomach feel like it’s being turned and heated from the inside out.
And instantly Natalie knows what her answer is.
The next day, she wakes up to the loud-ass motel alarm clock blaring next to her ear and slams her hand down on top of it to shut it up. Rolling onto her back and throwing her arm over her eyes she remembers why she’s getting up at the ass-crack of fucking dawn.
She’s going to California with Lottie fucking Matthews.
So she throws the sheets off of herself and prepares for a goddamn cross-country road trip with her former teammate.
By the time the clock hits 6:45, their agreed pick-up time, Natalie sits on the curb with a single suitcase and old soccer duffel, which between the two, contain Natalie’s entire life.
It would be sad if Natalie let herself be sad about shit like that. But she doesn’t, because if she does, then she has to unpack a whole lot of fucking shit she really doesn’t want to deal with.
Before her thoughts can spiral in her half-asleep state, headlights fill her vision, blinding her and forcing her to stand. She makes eye contact with Lottie in the driver's seat as the back trunk of Lottie’s fancy-ass fucking sports car pops open. They don’t say anything as her bags are packed, or as she’s snapping her seatbelt into place, or as Lottie pulls out of the motel and eventually onto the highway.
Actually, they don’t say a word until they’re passing the Now Leaving Wiskayok, New Jersey! sign.
“So like, what’s the plan? Are we just driving west or what?” Natalie finally asks, turning to look at Lottie. The other girl just glances at her out of the corner of her eye before her gaze drifts down to the glove compartment, which she taps quickly with one hand.
“There’s a map in there. I figure we can take turns driving. Take rests as needed, eat, whatever.” Natalie opens the glove compartment to find the map, but she decides if Lottie has a question about navigation then she’ll open up the map.
“Sounds good to me. You got any good music in here?” Lottie just taps the center console. Natalie opens it to find a CD holder, unzipping it to browse the selection.
It feels strangely intimate, sitting in Lottie’s fancy-ass car, casually flipping through her CD collection like this isn’t completely unknown territory for them.
Natalie is kind of surprised by the contents. Lottie seems to have a lot of singer-songwriter, kind of angsty shit in there. Elliot Smith, Alanis Morrisette, someone called Fiona Apple, the Indigo Girls. If you had asked her even two days ago, Natalie would’ve never pegged this for Lottie's music taste. She always figured the girl listened to like, whatever was popular. Which is a pretty shallow answer but in her defense, she doesn’t sit around constantly thinking about Lottie Matthews music taste ( only occasionally , her treacherous, stupid brain supplies. She doesn’t care about it. )
Finally, Natalie settles on Jagged Little Pill, figuring it’s probably a good compromise between their music tastes. Plus, Right Through You is a fucking awesome song and You Oughta Know is badass. And okay maybe it’s not so much a compromise as something they clearly have in common.
As the opening guitar of All I Really Want fills the car, Lottie smiles. “I love this album. Good choice.”
Natalie ignores the warmth that spreads through her chest.
It isn’t until Natalie sees the signs for Baltimore and DC that she realizes Lottie is taking a different route than the one she had originally estimated they’d probably take. She had thought they’d head from Pittsburgh through Pennsylvania towards Ohio. But this was a different path; they’re heading more south than west.
“Wait, I thought we were heading west, to Cali?” Natalie asks, looking out the window and glancing back down to the map that she had unfolded upon her realization.
“Yeah, we are. But why go on a cross-country road trip and not see the country Natalie? We’re heading to Nashville,” Lottie states. And...oh fuck. If that’s Lottie’s fucking plan, literally sight-see and like, seriously do road trip shit...then Natalie is more fucked than she thought.
“And how the hell am I supposed to afford sight-seeing Lottie? In case you didn’t notice, I was working a shitty part-time job and living in a motel, I don’t really have the funds for that kind of trip,” Natalie tells her, narrowing her eyes at the eye-roll Lottie gives her.
“Yeah, I know, but you don’t have to worry. My dad gave me some money. Basically the only kind of interaction he knows how to have with me, but it’ll cover both of us as long as we’re smart about it.” Ah, that explains the eye-roll. She had seen it from the girl before, when talking about her dad. Natalie had thought it was pretty fucking annoying, seeing a rich girl complain about being given money whenever and wherever, but then she met Lottie’s dad for the first time and man. Dude was a fucking asshole and Lottie wasn’t kidding about the money thing. Seemed like the only way he communicated and most of the time it was just to keep Lottie away from him.
Natalie can’t say she’s totally comfortable with the idea of basically freeloading across the country, but it’s not like she’s really in a position to turn it down. What, like she’s gonna go back to Wiskayok fucking New Jersey, to her shit job and shit motel room? Maybe the change of scenery will do her good. That’s pretty much the reason she even agreed to this trip (or it’s because you have a total hard-on for L— and she shuts that thought down before it can go any further, because no fucking way.)
So she settles back in for the next few hours of their drive, the sound of Alanis Morissette drifting through her ears
“Fuck Lot, god—” Natalie’s sentence is interrupted by a groan as hands finally slide up, past her bra. Lottie is mouthing at Natalie’s throat, one hand still firmly on her waist, one hand underneath her bra.
“Seriously, you can’t leave a—fuck that feels so good—you can’t leave a hickey Lottie,” Natalie manages to groan out. Lottie just answers by biting a little where Natalie’s collarbone meets her neck but lets up a bit on her throat.
Lottie doesn’t take her shirt off, and Natalie doesn’t really want her to, but she does pull it up high enough that she can finally follow the path her hand had taken with her mouth. Up her stomach until she reaches the edge of her bra, pulling the cups down to finally take a nipple in her mouth. Natalie groans even louder than before. Lottie lets up for a moment, dark eyes looking into hers (dark and hungry, lips swollen and fuck if it doesn’t make Natalie even more wet than she already was).
“Natalie, you’ve got to be quiet,” Lottie says, immediately returning to her previous task of reducing Natalie into a hungry, slick mess beneath her. Natalie brings her fist up to her mouth to bite down on because Lottie is right, she can’t be too loud right now. Lottie glances up and lets out an obscene moan (which, if Natalie was more coherent, was just as loud as the one that got her in trouble in the first place. But she’s not and honestly hearing Lottie come so undone when she’s normally the composed one, just turns Natalie on more).
“Fuck, that’s so good Natalie, you’re doing so good,” Lottie moans, hands now sliding down, down, down, undoing the button on her pants, pulling down the zipper and—
Natalie jolts awake, the sound of what she vaguely recognizes as an Indigo Girls album playing softly. She hears soft humming from next to her and realizes Lottie must have changed the album while she was asleep and she’d—
She’d just had a sex dream about her. Fuck.
It wasn’t like it took her by surprise, or had never happened before. She was a semi-closeted bisexual girl on an all-girls soccer team. She had sex dreams about most of her teammates after practices filled with constant touch, hot and sweaty—and goddamnit she can feel the heat returning so she promptly shuts that thought down.
The point is, it wasn’t the first sex dream she had had about Lottie Matthews and it probably won’t be the last, if they’re going to be on this road trip together. But she doesn’t really feel like navigating the awkwardness that used to come with having these dreams, so she decides to put it in the back of her mind to deal with later (later, when she’s alone, preferably.)
When Lottie finally realizes Natalie is awake, she glances over and smiles at her briefly.
“Sleep well?” Natalie swallows and looks out the window, pressing her forehead to the cool glass, hoping it will help dissipate the need still swirling around her body.
“Yeah.”
When they finally stop for lunch, somewhere between Bumfuck and Nowhere, Virginia, not that the girl who grew up in Wiskayok, New Jersey has much room to talk about small towns, Natalie has put the dream from her mind.
They stop at some random McDonald’s and quickly eat their burgers before Lottie announces they also need to refuel. So they stop at a gas station and while Lottie is busy filling the car up, Natalie heads inside to score some snacks and drinks for the rest of their trip. She’s standing in the chip aisle, debating which ones to buy, when Lottie finds her.
A flash of dark hair over her shoulder, sweet perfume clogging her nostrils, warm skin pressed against her back (and fuck, she can’t help it, flashes of her dream echo in her mind) and for just a fleeting moment she’s frozen in place as she watches Lottie reach over her to grab a bag of cool ranch doritos. It’s over in only a few seconds (way too soon, her brain supplies), but fuck if it doesn’t feel like an eternity.
“Cool ranch? Seriously? How did I not know you have awful taste in chips?” Natalie jokes, hoping to distract herself from whatever the fuck that was. Lottie gently hits her with the bag of chips, dancing just out of reach with a squeal as Natalie attempts to retaliate with a smack of her own.
“Cool ranch is easily the best flavor of Dorito. What do you eat, nacho cheese?” Lottie says, nose scrunching in disgust. Her eyes glint mischievously in the hyper-fluorescent lights of the gas station. And damn, if that isn't insanely enticing.
“Yeah, so what? Nacho cheese is the best flavor ever. Period, full stop. What’s more American than fake cheese flavoring?” Natalie asks, deciding to pick up a bag of nacho cheese Doritos, simply out of spite. And, maybe she was gonna choose them anyways, she wasn’t going to let Lottie dictate every single choice in her life. Lottie hums in agreement as she turns to make her way to the drinks.
“I had no idea you were so patriotic, Nat. I’m learning all kinds of things about you today.”
And well, damn. Natalie doesn’t even know what to say to that. So she just grabs her drink and they ring up at the cash register. As they walk out, Lottie dangles the keys between her thumb and index finger.
“Your turn to drive?”
They spend about two hours playing road games before Lottie falls asleep. Natalie had managed to grab her Nirvana CD while they were stopped and had slipped it into the player claiming ‘ drivers choice ’. They’d calculated the amount of time left, plus the mileage of the car and estimated they could probably make it to Nashville, or at least close enough, before needing to stop again.
At some point, after about another two hours, Lottie wakes up. It’s not a violent jolt like when Natalie woke earlier, but she tosses her head around a few times, clearly adjusting to the suddenness of waking up in a moving car. Unfortunately, she wakes up right as Natalie is really laying into the car in front of them.
So Natalie has a pretty bad case of road rage. She doesn’t set out with the intention of bitching about every car on the highway, but honestly if everyone could act they could—
“—fucking drive, goddamnit!” She hears a snort from the passenger seat and looks over to see those fucking eyes (again, what the fuck was up with her today?) looking over at her, just watching. Like she’s entertaining Lottie.
“Oh I’m glad you think the stupidity of the average driver is so funny, Lottie. This dude’s going like fifteen under in the fucking left lane. And I can’t even go around him because of a stupid semi. Which is going faster than this guy! Like seriously?” Natalie rants. She catches the sly smile on Lottie’s face during her rant (and if Natalie feels the legitimate rage in her chest subside into something softer and warmer then no she doesn’t .)
“Mm. It just takes me back to bus trips for away games. Good memories,” Lottie says, voice dripping with sleep and something else that Natalie can’t really place.
“Yeah? Why’s that?” Natalie asks. She’s finally past the damn semi and can pass the fucking pickup truck going 45 on the fucking highway and she seriously considers giving him the bird but just restrains herself.
Lottie’s eyes have that glint in them again, the already-familiar look of mischief in them. “Waking up to you bitching. Always meant you were going to play rough. Made games way more fun.”
And shit, the way Lottie’s voice pitches down when she says that last part...if Natalie was doing a good job of forgetting her dream from earlier she certainly wasn’t going to now.
“Yeah, well. Bitching is a full time job if you do it right. Just asking fucking Mari. Girl seriously could be a pro,” Natalie grumbles. Lottie lets out a laugh at that, shaking her head as she does.
“I liked Mari though. She was always very honest.” Natalie just shoots her a disbelieving look and Lottie shrugs. “Sort of honest. She didn’t actually start the rumors most of the time.”
Natalie doesn’t respond to that, the conversation drifting into nothing as they both get lost in the scenery outside of the car. It’s been steadily getting darker and by the time Natalie is pulling into the motel they had decided on for the night, the sky is ink black and the sound of insects has filled the air.
They’re only a couple miles outside of Nashville (“It’s cheaper to stay outside of the city,” Lottie had said. Natalie hadn’t put up a fight, but she thinks she’d agree to anything Lottie says, anyways.)
They put their stuff in the room and make the quick drive down to an old diner that had definitely seen its best days over thirty years ago. They have the top down and even if it’s just a ten minute drive, Natalie’s enjoying the breeze, a nice break from the hot, sticky August air.
Her mind drifts to a night very similar to this one, back in New Jersey. Lottie had offered to give her a ride back from a party; partly because they had been smoking together anyways, and partly because Natalie had confessed she had always wanted to take Lottie’s car for a test drive (which, like, okay...wasn’t meant to be an innuendo at the time but she hadn’t minded the way Lottie’s eyes dilated and flicked down to her lips.) So when Lottie leaned in, asking if Natalie wanted to do it right now, well...like Natalie said. She was pretty sure Lottie could ask her anything and she’d have said yes.
So they had found themselves much like tonight: top down with the wind in their hair; except that night Natalie had been driving and it had ended with the two of them against the hood of the car, sharing what was left of Natalie’s joint, then those brown eyes staring straight into hers. Natalie had glanced down to stare at the smoke curling out of Lottie’s (pretty, pretty ) mouth and leaned in.
It’s unlikely tonight will go anything like that though. They pull into the diner parking lot, Lottie putting the top back up as Natalie heads inside to grab them a table. Lottie slides into the booth only moments after Natalie does and picks up the menu resting on table, flicking her hair over her shoulder in that practiced, princess-ey way she tends to do (and shit, Natalie can feel heat coiling in her stomach and she seriously needs to get laid or something because if this is what their whole trip is going to be like she doesn’t think she can make it.)
“What are you getting, Nat?” Lottie asks, not looking up from her menu. Natalie quickly brings her eyes back down to the menu before Lottie catches her staring and quickly picks one of the first things she sees.
“Oh, uh, pancakes?” And damn her stupid, horny brain. She hates sweet breakfast foods. But Lottie looks up at that in surprise and grins at her and fuck she can’t bring herself to change her answer (and maybe it’s worse to get something she doesn’t want, but isn’t it better to settle for something you aren’t happy about than risk the embarrassment of changing your mind?
She’s not sure if she’s still talking about pancakes.)
The waitress comes over to take their order and Natalie asks for those stupid pancakes anyways even though she knows she won’t eat very much of them. She’s so lost in thought she doesn’t even notice their waitress walking off to put in their orders.
Silence falls over them. Natalie grabs a sugar packet and fiddles with it, needing something to do with her hands. Finally, the waitress brings their drinks and Natalie grabs her water just to have something to do but it’s short-lived and she picks up the sugar packet again. Lottie sips on her water and glances around the room.
“We should talk about what we’re going to do tomorrow,” Lottie finally says, breaking their silence. Natalie drops the packet, shrugging and leaning back in the booth.
“This was your idea. I don’t know anything about Nashville, so I don’t care what we do.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to make this whole trip about me. You should get to do things you want to do as well,” Lottie tells her, biting her lip. Natalie’s eyes dip down to watch the motion, jumping right back up to the other girl’s eyes.
“I seriously don’t care, Lottie,” Natalie bites out, fidgeting with her thumbs. Lottie’s eyebrows raise and Natalie can see something flash across her face, eyes turning steely.
“What is your problem, Nat?” This ignites something that’s been smoldering ever since Lottie showed up at her motel last night asking her to cross the country with her (or maybe it’s been going on longer, maybe this goes back to the very first party of senior year, the one that changed everything because of a stupid, two-person game of truth or dare and a whispered dare to ‘ kiss me, please? ’ that Natalie’s never been able to forget.) No matter how far it goes back, Natalie can feel a familiar anger burning its way through her chest.
“My problem? I didn’t exactly sign up for this fucking sight-seeing across America shit, Lottie! I don’t care what we fucking do tomorrow and I won’t fucking care what we do in the next city, or the one after that,” she spits out. Lottie just scoffs at her rolling her eyes.
“Newsflash, no one forced you to come with me. I asked. You said yes. So you don’t get to bitch and moan about not ‘signing up for’ jack shit, Natalie.” And, damn if Lottie was using her full name then she must seriously be upset (she called her Nat normally, sometimes when she was annoyed or messing with her she called her Scatorccio, but she rarely ever called her Natalie.) Lottie leans forward, eyes softening as she takes a glance over Natalie. “What’s really going on Natalie?” she asks softly.
And, fuck, how is she supposed to answer that? Tell her the reason that she said yes to this stupid trip, that she’s suffering through the now extended time together, is because she’s so fucking desperate for Lottie it’s like it’s choking her? She hasn’t had sex with anyone in months, not since they graduated high school, and she can feel the want just tearing through her body. So she goes with the safer (only slightly, and only because she knows a non-answer won’t actually put Lottie off) answer. Natalie feels herself deflate a little bit before she answers.
“I’m just, fucking, I don’t know. It’s scary, I guess. Leaving everything I’ve ever known and just going across the country to do god-knows-what in fucking California. Not really what I saw myself doing.” Lottie bites her lip but looks mostly satisfied with the answer Natalie had given.
“I know. I get that. My mom wasn’t too thrilled with the idea. But if my parents had their way I’d be locked up somewhere I couldn’t do anything ever and I just needed to escape. It’s suffocating. And I know you have an idea of what that’s like,” Lottie tells her. Natalie knows how hard it is for Lotttie to talk about her parents, she’s seen the way the interact maybe a total of two times (because her parents never showed up at any of her games, one thing they’d always had in common) but she knows her parents seem like assholes who are only concerned about Lottie when it affects their image or reputation or whatever the fuck rich people care about. So it means something that Lottie is willing to share that with her and she doesn’t take it lightly.
But before she can even work out how to respond, the waitress is back with their food, setting the pancakes down in front of Natalie and...huh. Lottie had apparently ordered a breakfast platter. Eggs, hash browns, toast, bacon. The works. Not her usual order; Natalie remembers mornings in diners after parties, or morning stops at IHOP on the way home from an away game, and Lottie almost always got something crazy sweet (like cinnamon toast pancakes, which sounded like it would’ve given her a clogged artery. She had said as much to Lottie, who had just laughed and said she had a weakness for sweet things.)
“Switch with me? I was going to try something new but your pancakes look so good,” Lottie says, startling Natalie from her thoughts. Lottie is already pushing her own plate away from her and grabbing the pancakes before Natalie can even process what was said.
“Oh, uh. Sure, that’s fine I guess,” Natalie says, a little lost. Why order something you don’t really want, just to take someone else’s meal? But, she had kind of done the same thing hadn’t she? And honestly Lottie often doesn’t make a lot of sense. So Natalie shrugs the thought off and digs in.
She ignores that the eggs are exactly how she always gets them.
They drive back to their motel in silence and all Natalie can think about is how much she needs a fucking joint right now. She makes a beeline for her suitcase as soon as they’re back in the room and rummages around for her paper and grinder, pulling them out of her bag and setting them down on the desk to roll her joint.
It seems that either Lottie doesn’t want to smoke, or has realized that she wasn’t in the mood for company, because she doesn’t say anything to Natalie, just watches her roll up and step out of the room with a quick “be right back.”
That's how she finds herself sitting and smoking her joint by the crappy motel pool, legs dangling over the side, lights distorting through the water and casting strange shadows over her.
And thinking about whatever the fuck was going on between her and Lottie was giving her a headache that the weed didn’t seem to be helping.
She knew when it started. That stupid dare at Mari’s back-to-school party just over a year ago. They had kissed, because obviously if a pretty girl asks Natalie to kiss her she’s gonna do it. Just because she thought Lottie’s whole rich, pretty, party girl thing was annoying, didn’t mean she was stupid. So they had kissed.
After that, they somehow found themselves in the habit of sneaking off at some point during most parties. Usually to go smoke a joint, or share one of Lottie’s cigarettes if Natalie hadn’t managed to score for that night. It started with smoking, but as soon as the high set in, and Natalie had some plausible deniability, they usually found themselves pressed up together somewhere. It was best when the parties were at Lottie’s house. Her house was big enough that people never noticed the two of them sneaking off. Plus they could hang out in Lottie’s room, which no one would ever dare enter, so even if people did see them go off, they’d never be interrupted. So that was how Natalie found herself making out pretty much once a week with Lottie Matthews.
Natalie had known she liked girls before that. She felt it, that draw to be around them, how good they smelled, how much she enjoyed looking at them and how much of her brain space pretty girls seemed to occupy. Sure she enjoyed guys, sometimes she even enjoyed sleeping with them. But there was something about girls that just got her like boys didn’t. Maybe it was because she played an all-girls sport, maybe it was because her kinsey scale number fell a little higher than a solid 5, but the point was, she knew she liked girls. They were pretty, and they smelled nice, and they occupied a lot of her vision when she had the choice.
She had caught enough glimpses in the locker room, been tackled and pinned down by her team enough to know for certain. It mostly came in quick flashes, because she wasn’t really attracted to Shauna, or Taissa, or Jackie, or really most of the girls on the team. It was just that they were objectively very attractive and so she sometimes found it wasn’t unpleasant to be tackled by them, or see their bra straps while they changed.
So she kept up whatever she had going on with Lottie, because even if the other girl was straight, Natalie was actually attracted to her, in a very real, very gay way.
They slept together for the first time in January, on what Natalie would’ve considered a typical night. Lottie was hosting a party for whatever reason (she usually didn’t need one, but ever since their thing had started, Natalie noticed the amount Lottie was hosting had increased by a decent amount. Not that it stroked her ego or anything ( lies ), but Natalie had hoped it meant Lottie was enjoying whatever they had going on just as much as Natalie did.)
They had gone up to Lottie’s room, Natalie hadn’t managed to score so they were sharing one of Lottie’s cigarettes while sitting on her bed, sides pressed completely together. Natalie could feel the bare skin of Lottie’s thigh pressed against hers and it made something in her stomach flip and ache, all at once. Once the cigarette had been smoked down, Lottie had just turned, thrown her legs over Natalie’s hips, and kissed her. Which wasn’t so different from normal.
What was different was the way she panted into Natalie’s mouth after a while then said that she wanted Natalie to touch her.
“Aren’t I already touching you?” Natalie had responded cheekily, pressing her mouth to Lottie’s neck. Lottie grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled Natalie away from her neck to look her dead in the eyes.
“Natalie, I want you to touch me . Please?”
Like Natalie said. She wasn't stupid.
So they had sex for the first time. And then it just kept happening. Suddenly, it was bleeding into moments outside of abandoned bathrooms or Lottie’s bedroom. It was in the locker room after everyone had left and Lottie gave her a glance that told her she should stick around, it was in Lottie’s car (which did not help Nat avoid thinking about Lottie like that while on this stupid road trip) as she drove her home from parties, it was making out in the bathroom after they cut their study period.
And it had started to feel a little too real for Natalie.
It was some time in April, only a month after she turned eighteen and moved into the motel, and they had found themselves in the locker room after a particularly grueling practice (they were a good team, but Coach Martinez clearly thought they had a good shot at Nationals and so he had been pushing them extra hard lately.) As usual, Lottie had slipped into her shower stall and backed her against the wall.
Maybe it was the stress of finally moving out and having to take a shit job to pay for the room she was occupying, maybe it was the stress from all these expectations she could feel from Coach Martinez and her team, or maybe, just maybe, it was the thought that she was catching feelings for Lottie fucking Matthews and that scared her shitless, but Natalie had pushed Lottie away from her and told her they needed to stop what they were doing.
Lottie had looked so confused, Natalie almost took it back, but the confusion had quickly morphed into something like sadness, then anger, and Natalie didn’t even have the chance to say anything before Lottie was storming out of the shower to get dressed. By the time Natalie emerged from the shower in her towel, Lottie was already gone.
They spent the rest of the school year avoiding each other as much as possible, and Natalie didn’t go to any more parties. Lottie had even swapped room keys with Mari after finding out that they were supposed to share a room at Nationals, and Natalie had tried to pretend it didn’t sting a bit, but she had done it to herself.
And then they fucking won Nationals and Lottie decided to throw one last party, just the Yellowjackets and Natalie couldn’t refuse.
In hindsight, it was the game of Never Have I Ever that led to what happened. Jackie and Shauna had a huge blowout as everyone was subjected to finding out that Shauna had been sleeping with Jackie’s boyfriend (which, Jeff? Seriously? Natalie had always thought Shauna was a kindred spirit and so hung up on Jackie she couldn’t even look at anyone else, much less Jeff fucking Sadecki, but whatever. It wasn’t really her business, anyways.) So as the two of them left to hash it out in another room, the group had gone awkwardly quiet before Mari opened her big fucking mouth.
“Damn. I always thought Shauna, like, played for the other team.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Mari?” Tai had bitten out. Mari raised her hands in self defense and pursed her lips.
“I’m just saying, I thought she was into girls or whatever. It’s not a big deal, it’s 1996. Nobody says anything about you or Van so I thought it was cool. Sorry.” Mari was always very good at sticking her foot in her mouth, good enough that Natalie wondered if she did it on purpose sometimes just to get a reaction.
Tai had shot up instantly and was towering over Mari in an instant, who was now backing up as much as she could.
“You don’t get to ‘just say’ fucking shit Mari, so why don’t you-” Tai was finally pulled back by Van, who dragged her back to her place in the circle. Another awkward silence fell over the group before—
“I mean, like most of us here have kissed a girl right?” Natalie groaned and put her head between her knees. It was like Mari had a fucking death wish (even if she was probably right.)
“Okay, never have I ever kissed a girl,” Crystal had taken Mari’s bait (and honestly Natalie wanted to throttle both of them, but there was something really tempting about being honest and seeing if Mari’s theory was true.) Natalie lifted her head as she put a finger down and took a swig of her drink, only to see every single girl except for Crystal and Misty (even Laura Lee, which...Natalie had decided was a topic to be thought about another time) cautiously looking around the circle as they all drank too. A grin had split Natalie’s face and she was right, it was exhilarating to find this common denominator between them.
Everyone started giggling at this discovery as the stress of being honest about something that was still considered pretty taboo, especially in a small town like Wiskayok. Akilah was up next and apparently decided she wanted to push the topic even further.
“Never have I ever kissed someone in this circle,” she said, raising her eyebrows. Natalie watched as Van and Tai drank, looking cutely at each other (and honestly Natalie was glad they were finally feeling comfortable enough to do this. Maybe the game had its perks.) She would’ve looked to see if anyone else had drank, but she was instantly distracted by watching Lottie enthusiastically chug her drink in a very obvious display, looking straight at her the whole time. At the last minute, Natalie remembered technically she was supposed to be drinking too and if Lottie felt the need to drink she would have to as well, so no one could accuse Lottie of being a homewrecker.
“Holy shit . You guys have kissed?” Mari asked. Lottie looked her in the eyes, her own cold and unflinching, and decided to deliver the final blow of a fight Natalie hadn’t fully realized she was in.
“It didn’t mean anything.”
Natalie had gotten so lost in thought she hadn’t even noticed she’d stopped smoking because her blunt was down to nothing more than the butt. She can feel the effect of the weed taking hold and decides she may as well go back to the room to sleep. She stands up and turns around, only to be met with the sight of Lottie, sitting in one of the pool chairs, watching her curiously. She’s pretty high at this point (which, seriously? How long had she been sitting there thinking?) and her surprise causes her to jump and take a sudden step backwards. Except the only thing behind her is air. She sees Lottie’s eyes go wide as Natalie falls straight back into the pool.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” is the first thing she hears as she surfaces, spluttering to get the water out of her mouth and nose. She looks up to see Lottie leaning over the pool, clearly having changed into her pajamas so she’s wearing these sleep shorts that do seriously good things for those legs and damn...now she’s high and horny. She must stare a little too long because Lottie’s starting to get a worried look on her face.
“Nat, seriously.” Natalie wipes her eyes and makes her way to the edge of the pool until she’s right in front of Lottie, one hand gripping onto the edge the other reaching up in a nonverbal question. Lottie grabs her hand and begins to stand to help her out.
And of course, like any normal person in this situation, Natalie uses the moment to pull her in. When Lottie emerges again, spluttering just like Natalie had and pushing her bangs out of her eyes, Natalie is laughing.
“You think you’re funny, Scatorccio?” Lottie asks with a playful glare. Natalie just shrugs as Lottie swims closer. Natalie backs up in response but forgets she’s already at the edge of the pool, so the move only means she’s now pressed against the wall of the pool. She can feel her head spinning, but whether that’s from the weed or how close Lottie is getting, she’s not sure. Lottie’s got that drowned rat look, but Natalie’s seen her hair plastered to her face like this enough times in other situations that even though on anyone else it would look ridiculous, Natalie just feels herself get even more turned on.
“I am funny, Matthews.” Lottie’s somehow gotten even closer, close enough that there’s barely any space between them. Natalie can’t stop her eyes from flicking down to the other girl’s slightly chapped lips (because Lottie’s always biting them), back to her eyes which have taken on a gaze Natalie is intimately familiar with and fuck she’s seriously considering this right now, here, in a pool at eleven pm in fucking Tennessee of all places.
And then Lottie dunks her underneath the water.
Natalie’s greeted with the sight of Lottie pushing herself up and out of the pool as Natalie surfaces for the second time. She tries not to linger too long on Lottie’s legs as she follows suit, flopping onto her back, legs dangling over the edge. Her clothes are completely soaked; she’s definitely gonna have to air dry them tomorrow. Lottie sits down next to Natalie’s head, legs outstretched in front of her.
“Why were you out here in the first place?” Natalie asks after a moment. Lottie doesn’t respond at first, and Natalie sluggishly turns her head to look up at the other girl. She’s staring straight forward, arms outstretched behind her to keep her propped up.
“It was getting late, and I wanted to make sure you hadn’t gotten kidnapped or something,” Lottie tells her eventually. She watches Lottie stand up fully and wring out the bottom of her shirt, still not making eye contact with Natalie. “I’m gonna go get changed. Don’t be too loud coming back in.”
Natalie still hasn’t moved; she just watches Lottie walk away until she can’t see her anymore. Her head still feels heavy and she’s starting to feel a lot of other things that she has really been trying to avoid feeling for the last five months. She blinks back tears as she looks back up at the sky. Yeah, this trip is actually going to be the end of her.