Chapter Text
Kaveh’s first meeting with his future spouse was on the day he was born.
It was a magical moment according to his parents. In his own home, Kaveh, with wide, awe-filled crimson eyes, he cradled Alhaitham in his chubby toddler arms, offering solace to the wailing baby. Alhaitham's surprised gaze met Kaveh's, and for an instant, the world held its breath in reverence.
Kaveh's mother eagerly captured the moment with her brand new Kamera, believing it to be proof that they were meant to be. The photo was then hung on the wall of Kaveh's parents' home.
But Kaveh despised that photo.
Each time he glanced at it, Kaveh's heart burned with the loss of his autonomy and the loss of his free will. The moment the photo was taken marked the promise of his parents to marry him off to the very baby he held in his arms. It infuriated him that his future had been decided before he could even form a proper sentence.
He didn't see much of Alhaitham after their initial meeting. There were a few scattered playdates during their early years, but they became scarce as they grew older. When they were approaching their teenage years, they stopped talking and meeting altogether. Kaveh knew they were destined to marry, and it sparked a blazing fire of resentment that continued to consume him.
Alhaitham was rude, and his words were as cutting as a sharpened blade. Kaveh's comebacks were fueled by burning anger and a sense of injustice. Their parents seemed unconcerned by their differences, focusing on Kaveh's impoliteness without room for negotiation.
Kaveh detested it all. He hated them, he hated Alhaitham, he hated his life and he despised everything that constrained him and prevented him from experiencing life like a normal teenager.
However, Kaveh and Alhaitham did agree on one thing: to not meet again until their wedding.
Good riddance, Kaveh thought.
He knew that at 19 he would have to enter a loveless marriage, but at least he had time to experience life until then. He made new friends outside of his home, away from Alhaitham. He traveled as much as he could and as much as he was allowed, he joined after-school clubs and adventurer groups. He did his best to distance himself from his impending future.
It was during this time that he met her. They met when they were 17, only two years away from his wedding. She was just a typical Liyuen girl, there was nothing too special about her, she had black hair, brown eyes, and sun-kissed skin, but she was also the most beautiful girl Kaveh had ever seen.
Kaveh blushed at the mere sight of her. He was immediately captivated by her, but he thought it would be unfair to ask her out given the fact that even if she accepts, there is no way he can have a future with her.
But she reciprocated his feelings.
She pursued a relationship with him despite his warnings. She didn't care that he was going to be married; she wanted to be with him for as long as possible.
Kaveh was ecstatic. Finally, he didn't have to be bound by a future he didn't choose. He could have the experiences he desired with whomever he wanted.
He was deeply in love with her. Every day was effortless with her, each moment they spent together was pure bliss.
But his happiness was tainted with sadness. He knew that with each passing second, they were getting closer to their inevitable breakup, and the thought tore him apart.
He spent countless sleepless nights agonizing, fighting back tears at the mere thought of his impending marriage. It was unfair, it was wrong. Dreams of becoming an architect, attending the Akademiya, and a lifetime with his beloved girlfriend seemed cruelly out of reach.
Yet, his parents insisted he wait until after the marriage to apply for a spot in the Akademiya. They claimed that being a student would be challenging for his marriage unless both he and his husband agreed it would be beneficial.
Kaveh was furious. Why did Alhaitham, the brat, have the power to deny him the opportunity to study? Why did he hold more power over his life than he held for himself? It was his life, his future, and he should be free to pursue whatever he desired.
Once again, he would have to learn to live without something he desired, all because his parents had pre-arranged his marriage all those years ago.
*
When he was 18, Kaveh didn't join the Akademiya.
All his friends, including his girlfriend, were excited about joining, and he could only feign enthusiasm while masking his true feelings with a smile. He wore many masks during that time, particularly when his friends discussed their classes and studies.
He tried to convince himself that studying in the Akademiyawas challenging and that he didn't really want to endure all the stress it caused, but he knew deep down that he was lying to himself. His heart ached, so many of his liberties were stolen and he wasn’t even an adult yet. He recognized the lies he told himself, and yet he continued telling them, maybe after thinking about it for long he would be able to convince himself that it was true.
Not joining the Akademiya created a rift between him and his friends. He was no longer a part of their daily lives or their struggles. He felt like an outsider looking in. He felt alone. more alone than ever before.
But there was one person who could bring a smile to his face through it all. His girlfriend remained by his side, even when everyone else was starting to leave.
She remained by his side until she couldn't anymore.
A week before his wedding, he broke up with her.
As his mother draped expensive traditional fabric over him to create his wedding outfit, his only thought was, "This is real. This is happening."
He loved his girlfriend so much, so how could he be so cruel? Their relationship was doomed from the start. They both knew it would end this way, so he had to stop giving her false hope that they could be together.
When his mother dismissed him, he left swiftly. He bought her favorite dessert and he willed a pair of glaze lilies, her favorite flower, into existence. He met her outside the library, where they were supposed to meet up for a date, and he broke her heart.
Both of them left in tears, tightly clutching their glaze lilies.
That night, Kaveh couldn't sleep. He was torn between regretting ever starting the relationship and then pushing away that thought, because without her, he would have never experienced true love. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have created so many meaningful memories. Who would he be without her gentle love?
He was mourning. Mourning his love, mourning his life, mourning his future. There was nothing left to bring him joy.
From that point onward, he had nothing else to look forward to. The days leading up to his wedding were filled with hectic preparations that he halfheartedly attended. He desperately wished something would happen and it would delay his marriage. Anything really.
He was also grateful that he hadn't seen Alhaitham yet. Seeing him before their wedding day would surely trigger another spiral of hateful emotions. That didn’t mean that Alhaitham's parents were not present. His mother practically followed him around, and she would always tear up every time she laid eyes on Kaveh. She kept praising him for how good he would be for her son. Kaveh wanted her to stop talking, to stop showering him with her love, he didn’t want it.
Somehow, Kaveh couldn't bring himself to be angry with either his parents or Alhaitham's parents. He acknowledged that he should be furious, that he should hate them all for putting him in this position. There must be something wrong with him for not completely resenting them. But still, he couldn't be mad. Throughout his life, he had been around all four of them. Alhaitham's mother, in particular, had been a constant presence, like an aunt.
He felt confused and frustrated, but ultimately, he was just numb. What would being angry achieve? It served no purpose to him, it only made him cry more and he didn’t think he had any tears left to shed.
So this is why when Alhaitham's mother showered him with compliments, he accepted them with a warm smile. After all, he was the perfect son-in-law in her eyes and he had to maintain that image.
*
On the day of his wedding, Kaveh didn't shed a single tear.
He had already accepted his fate.
The previous night he hadn't slept at all. He lay in bed, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, as hours slipped away until the sun rose again.
In the morning. his mother fussed over him, skillfully applying powder to cover his dark under-eye circles. She took extra care with his makeup, and his father braided his hair. Once they were both finished, Kaveh insisted on dressing himself and asked to be left alone to complete the task.
His outfit was intricate, and the fabrics felt soft against his skin. His parents must have spent a fortune on it. He found himself running his finger over the fabric, it was beautiful, too beautiful. It felt wrong. It wasn’t itchy, but he felt like he wanted to scratch his skin anyway. However, doing so would create wrinkles, so he didn’t give in to the impulse.
When he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness. He knew he was beautiful, but today he looked the best he ever had in his whole life. His clothes were flattering to his body shape and the makeup was bringing out his eyes. His hair was flawlessly styled with intricate details and pins. He was surprised his father had managed to do his hair all by himself.
But looking into the mirror only devastated him more. He was beautiful but he was miserable. He wanted to wipe it all off—how dare he look so pretty when he felt so sad? His appearance should mirror his emotions. He lifted his hands to his face, ready to rub everything off, but he stopped. No matter how much he wanted to smudge the stupid eyeliner off, he couldn’t.
No matter how much he wanted to ruin his look, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He didn't know why. Was it his need for his parents' approval? Was it some sense of responsibility that held him back? He didn’t know for sure.
Tears welled up in his eyes, their presence proof of his lack of control. He couldn’t cry, not now, not today.
But how could he be denied even this small act of rebellion? Was this who he was? Was he destined to be a mere puppet, dressed up and maneuvered according to others' whims? Why did he have no free will?
With trembling hands, he pressed his fingers in his waterline, hoping to catch any stray tears before they could fully form.
There was no use in crying over something like this, especially when there was nothing he could do to change it.
He pressed his lips together and turned away from the mirror. There was no point in delaying any further. It was already eating him alive, and he just wanted the wedding to be over so that he could stop pretending to be happy in front of the guests.
This might be one of the last moments of freedom he would experience. But he couldn’t relish it.
And that was okay. It truly was.
*
He had been standing in front of the altar for only a couple of minutes at most, but it felt like years have passed already.
The soft glow of the sunlight filtered through stained glass, casting a kaleidoscope of colors upon the expectant faces of the gathered guests. Kaveh would normally find it inspiring, he would try his best to lock the memory in his mind so that he ca recreate it later. But this time he wanted to look away. He struggled to hide his disdain whenever his gaze fell upon them. His parents were already sitting next to Alhaitham's parents, their teary eyes fixated on him.
It irritated him. Why couldn't they stop staring at him?
Before he had much time to dwell on his annoyance, Alhaitham entered the room. He was dressed in his favorite color, green, or at least that's what Kaveh remembered from their childhood.
Apart from his gray hair and green eyes, Alhaitham looked so different from how Kaveh remembered him. He used to be shorter and scrawnier than Kaveh as a kid. Now, he was likely taller, with a muscular physique. Though his clothes weren't tight, it was evident that his biceps were well-developed and toned. He had become a man. He wasn't the kid Kaveh had despised, the one who hurled insults and stuck out his tongue.
The air crackled with unspoken tension as their eyes locked, a collision of icy gazes that sent shivers down Kaveh's spine. It was in that instant, amidst the charged silence, that Kaveh realized their destinies were forever intertwined. Despite his smile, Alhaitham regarded Kaveh as if he were a bothersome insect.
Alhaitham wasn't the kid he had loathed. Alhaitham was the man who had stolen his future.
Burning anger ignited within Kaveh, finally sparking a genuine emotion. A real emotion, after so many days of feeling numb. It burned hot, like a raging forest fire, spreading throughout his entire being.
He despised Alhaitham.
*
Their wedding seemed to drag on forever. After the ceremony, they attended the wedding party, which was filled with relatives, friends of their families, and some people who appeared to be Alhaitham's friends.
Kaveh hadn't invited any of his own friends. He didn't have a rational reason for it; he simply didn't want them to be part of an event that would be such a negative experience for him. He felt like they would be tainted in some way. His decision was purely emotional. His friends were associated with the good things in his life, and he didn't want that image to be tarnished.
However, as he sat at the table, he couldn't help but regret his choice. He was surrounded by so many people, yet he felt incredibly lonely.
He forced smiles here and there, fake laughter when necessary, and feigned tiredness when asked to dance.
He felt so alone.
It was as if a dark cloud had settled over him and him alone. Alhaitham seemed to be enjoying himself, surrounded by his friends, dancing and laughing together.
Kaveh felt jealous. Here he was, in utter misery, while Alhaitham was having the time of his life. It felt wrong. It felt unfair.
His mind wandered as he pretended to eat. More than anything, he missed his girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend now. He wished she was there. She is the only person who would have been able to comfort him. Her gentle touch and beautiful voice never failed to bring him peace.
He downed yet another glass of wine at the thought.
As he tried to refill his glass, his mother caught his arm. She gave him a stern look that read You've had enough.
Kaveh could almost hear her.
"Why don't you go dance with your husband, honey?" she asked sweetly, though her smile was all teeth, a silent threat.
"I'm still eating, Mama," was the best excuse he could come up with.
She shot him a skeptical look but thankfully let it go.
Kaveh could only hope that this day would come to an end soon.
*
Despite wanting to leave the party, Kaveh dreaded what would come next. Finally, they were in their new home, a house in Sumeru City, graciously provided by Alhaitham's parents. No words had been exchanged since the ceremony, and now, in the stillness of this empty house, their unspoken sentiments hung like a thick fog.
Kaveh's heart raced, his apprehension mounting with each passing second. The weight of the silence pressed upon him, urging him to break it, but he swallowed his words, keeping his thoughts locked behind clenched teeth. There were no pleasantries or words to be shared.
In tense silence, they simply removed their shoes, the sound of leather against the floor a subtle reminder of their shared presence.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Alhaitham said when he was done, and he left the room.
A scowl etched upon Kaveh's face as he watched Alhaitham retreat. It irked him that Alhaitham couldn't even muster the courage to face him in the privacy of their new home. The bitter taste of disappointment lingered on his tongue.
Kaveh dismissed the thought. He didn't actually want Alhaitham to talk to him. He was afraid of what would happen next. He was a married man now. Married people... they have to consummate their marriage, right?
The mere thought of being intimate with Alhaitham made him sick to his stomach. It wasn't that he was afraid of the sex itself, he was no stranger to physical intimacy, it was that he didn't want to do it with Alhaitham. This wasn't his choice, and Alhaitham wasn't the person he wanted to be with.
As Kaveh undressed and put on his light satin sleeping clothes that his mom had stocked in his new wardrobe, he tried to calm himself down.
At least Alhaitham was an attractive person. It could be worse, it could be an old, creepy dude or something. Kaveh tried to convince himself as he sat on the foot of the bed.
However, his attempt at self-soothing was fruitless. Every time he started to calm down, intrusive thoughts would invade his mind, thoughts of being touched or kissed by Alhaitham, and he would feel nauseated again. It wasn't Alhaitham's lips he wanted to kiss, and it wasn't his touch he craved.
Before he could spiral further into negative thoughts, Alhaitham entered the room. He wore sleeping clothes similar to Kaveh's, except his were shades of green. The clothes looked different on him, though. It wasn't that Kaveh lacked any muscle; he was actually in good shape. But Alhaitham must have had some intense daily workout routine, as the fabric clung tightly to his body, bending around his muscles. It didn't look very comfortable, unlike how it looked on Kaveh's own skin.
Kaveh would have probably appreciated Alhaitham's appearance if he wasn't in love with someone else or... well... thrust into a loveless marriage with a man he also despised.
"Relax, you look like you've swallowed a whole lemon," Alhaitham said and went to lie on the right side of the bed.
The words broke through Kaveh's swirling thoughts, snapping him back to reality. Kaveh turned to him in confusion. Were they not going to... well... kiss at least?
Alhaitham pulled the bed sheets over his body. "Well, are you going to stand there all night?"
Right, he was right. He sat on the left side of the bed and pulled the sheet over himself with shaky hands, mimicking Alhaitham’s movements. Before he could fully settle into bed, Alhaitham turned off the lamp on his bedside—the only lamp that was lit in the room.
Maybe Alhaitham was shy? Maybe he was one of those people who preferred to have the lights off during sex? Maybe-
"Stop overthinking. I can hear the gears in your head turning. Go to sleep, I'm tired," Alhaitham suddenly said, shaking Kaveh out of his thoughts.
Alhaitham turned on his side, facing away from Kaveh.
It seemed they probably wouldn't have sex that night. That was alright. That was actually great. Kaveh relaxed on his side, mirroring Alhaitham. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. He would sleep peacefully; the exhaustion of the past week catching up to him would be enough to knock him out. Even though he felt nervous and a little unsafe sharing the same bed as Alhaitham for the night, he was out like a light before he could ponder too much on his insecurities.
*
Their parents visited the following morning, bags filled with food in their arms, ready to have breakfast with their newlywed sons.
When Kaveh opened the door for them, their mothers smiled at him and hurried to the dining room, setting the table with practiced ease. Soon, the six of them were seated around the table, engaged in lively conversation. The parents were particularly happy, enthusiastically sharing stories from the previous night.
Their happiness only made Kaveh feel worse. He felt as if he was wrong for being unhappy with his marriage when his parents -and Alhaitham’s parents, of course, were so happy for him.
"I'm so glad to see you two so comfortable with each other. We were worried that you would start fighting like you did when you were children," Alhaitham's mom said, playfully pinching Kaveh's cheek. "I knew Alhaitham couldn't stay mad at you, not when you have such a pretty face," she added.
Kaveh laughed it off and pulled away, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
What came as a surprise to Kaveh was that Alhaitham seemed just as close to Kaveh's parents as Kaveh was to his own. He knew rationally that it was to be expected, but it irked him the wrong way to know that Alhaitham was involved in his life even before their marriage.
Somehow, they managed to coordinate their movements, seamlessly picking up on each other's cues, as if they were truly a happy couple. Or perhaps, they weren't doing as well as they thought, but their parents chose not to comment on it.
After their parents left, Alhaitham and Kaveh finished packing their belongings in preparation for their honeymoon.
Among all the nations, they had chosen to visit Liyue. The thought still left a bitter taste in Kaveh's mouth, he always wished he could visit Liyue with her, not with his forced husband.
However, the trip had already been decided and paid for, so he felt obligated to go, even though he would rather do anything else but go.
On their way to Liyue, they hardly spoke to each other, if at all, until they settled into their hotel. They planned to stay at the harbor for a few days before moving to Wangshu Inn. Their parents thought it would be beneficial for their relationship to spend time in the city and then retreat to a more secluded place to enjoy their time as newlyweds.
Kaveh didn't want to dwell on the implications, especially when Alhaitham laughed along when his mom told them about their plans.
Once they settled into their hotel room, Alhaitham turned to Kaveh.
"I think it's time we talked," he said.
"Talk? You haven't even looked at me in the past day. I wouldn't expect you to spare me a moment of your time," Kaveh replied bitterly.
Alhaitham didn't seem amused by his reaction. Then again he didn't appear bothered either, he was much too difficult to read and it made Kaveh anxious.
"You misunderstand. I believe we are on the same page here. Neither of us wants this. We don't have to be together. You can do whatever you want, date whoever you want. I don't care, just don't bother me with it. Our only job in this marriage is to appear like we like each other. It shouldn't be that difficult, even for you," he said.
Kaveh almost took the bait to retort at the last comment, but he stopped himself when he realized the true meaning behind Alhaitham's words.
Date whoever you want. Kaveh's heart raced at the implication.
"What are you saying?" He asked carefully.
"You can do anything you want as long as you are discreet," Alhaitham elaborated.
"I can date someone else?" Kaveh asked hopefully.
"Is this about that Liyuen girl you were always around with? Go ahead, I don't care. As long as you don't mind if I sleep with other people too."
How did Alhaitham know about her?
"However, I want to set down only a couple of rules," Alhaitham continued.
"I'm listening," Kaveh allowed.
"To make this work, we need to work together. Sleep with whoever, with your girlfriend, anyone you want, but do it discreetly and always return home at night. We eat dinner together and we share the same bed. We play the picture of a perfect married couple to anyone else," Alhaitham proposed.
Even if Kaveh wasn't thrilled about sharing the same bed as Alhaitham, he decided he would accept what was offered without complaints. "Okay, I agree to your terms."
"Good," Alhaitham replied. "After this trip, we probably won't see each other much, and perhaps that's for the best," he added as an afterthought.
We won't see each other much? “Wait, why?" Kaveh asked.
"I'll be starting my classes at the Akademiya, why else?" Alhaitham replied casually.
Alhaitham was going to the Akademiya, even though Kaveh had been actively discouraged from doing so in the first place? Anger surged through Kaveh once again out of nowhere. "You got into the Akademiya?"
"Yeah, why?" Alhaitham asked.
Kaveh frowned, "I was told not to go without your approval," he admitted, looking away, feeling embarrassed that he had to practically plead not to become a stay-at-home househusband.
Alhaitham frowned. "Why would I stop you?"
Kaveh was dumbfounded, fully expected to be turned down again. "So I can go?"
"What use do you bring to our household if you don't even work to pay for our bills?" Alhaitham asked.
Ugh, that man was so annoying.
"Forget it," Kaveh decided, feeling a glimmer of hope in his chest.
He could date his girlfriend and study at the Akademiya? That was more than he could have hoped for mere hours ago.
With his spirits lifted, he smiled to himself and made a promise to the Archons that he would do his best to make their marriage function, even if it meant they would never be romantically or sexually involved. He would make it work. How hard could it be?