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Ted sat at his desk still holding the newly printed copy of Trent’s manuscript and listened as Beard yelled out multiple criticisms within the first three lines of the first page. He was about to say something to his friend when an unexpected voice interrupted his plan.
“Ted!” Deborah Welton’s voice floated over from the locker room.
Both he and Beard looked out to see the woman happily walking through the locker room, waving at the boys who were still milling about. Ted stood and began to round his desk as she approached the office door.
“Deborah, long time no see,” he cheerfully said.
She smiled then happily replied with, “I’m like Mary Poppins, Ted. I appear when needed.”
Ted stole a glance at Beard who also seemed intrigued by her statement.
“Did Mr. Banks have a relapse?” the assistant coached teasingly asked.
With a sweet smile, the older woman turned her focus onto Beard.
“Are you still with that woman who seemed to enjoy my husband’s funeral a little too much over the phone?”
Even Ted couldn’t stop his eyes from widening. He had missed the beginning of the proceedings but had heard Beard was Facetiming with Jane at points. Beard looked completely shocked and slightly embarrassed she knew.
“Uh yes, yes, Jane and I are still together,” he stuttered.
Deborah looked at him for a moment before she said, “Huh, I thought you were the smart one.”
It took all of Ted’s willpower not to let out a chuckle or react as Beard looked dumbfounded. Unfortunately, Deborah’s attention turned to him, and he suddenly felt nervous.
“Come on, Ted. I’m taking you to lunch and we’ll talk about why you’re not leaving,” she said so casually and with such a mother’s confidence he almost didn’t catch the second part.
“Uh, I’d love to go to lunch with ya, but I am leaving,” he tried to gently clarify.
She took a step closer to him and patted his arm as she smiled and cheerfully said, “Oh, I know you think you are, dear.”
Her smile never wavered, and it was beginning to unnerve Ted the certainty she had about her statement.
“Oookay,” Ted said a little freaked out as he turned to Beard and added, “Coach, I’ll be back in a little – ”
“Oh no, you should get your stuff, I don’t think you’ll be back,” she said with such a genuine sweetness but also that same motherly assertiveness that Ted felt like she knew something he didn’t.
She pointed to his belongings as her chirper voice said, “I’ll wait.”
Without another word, Ted did as he was told, while on the inside he was trying not to freak out.
“Do you have a will prepared, Coach Beard?”
Beard shook his head while Ted finished putting the last items in his backpack.
Deborah finally looked a bit concerned, “Do you at least share your location on your phone with Ted? So, we can find your body easily?”
“Move faster, Ted,” Beard begged.
Throwing his backpack on, he started to usher Deborah out the door.
“It always starts with a curiosity about death and funerals,” Deborah called out over her shoulder as Ted guided her out of the locker room.
Twenty minutes later they were settling into a booth in the back of The Crown & Anchor. Mae dropped off a beer for Ted and a glass of wine for Deborah. After a few quiet sips of their drinks, Ted waited for Deborah to say something, but she just happily watched him.
“Thanks for lunch. I’ll miss – ”
“You’re not leaving, Ted,” her cheerfulness from before diminished slightly.
With a sigh, he asked, “Did Rebecca – ”
“No, she won’t talk with me about it,” Deborah sadly interrupted.
With a knowing nod, his voice rumbled, “She won’t talk with me about it either.”
So caught up in his own thoughts he was slightly startled when she tenderly took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Running away because you’re too scared to tell someone you love them is no way to live, Ted.”
His first instinct was to deny what she was trying to imply. He had kept his feelings for Rebecca so bottled up he was sure no one knew, including the boss.
With a nervous laugh he tried to feign confusion as he said, “I’m leaving for my son. He misses me, and I miss him. I need – ”
“Then move him here, simple,” she happily offered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Ted tried to be patient as he replied, “I wish it were as easy as that, but Michelle – ”
“Is that your ex-wife who’s in a relationship with your former therapist? Is that ethical in the States? Seeing someone who’s marriage you’re supposed to save but didn’t” Deborah asked with genuine curiosity.
“Um, well, you see we haven’t seen him in over – ”
She made a pained expression as she interjected, “Moving back there and then possibly dealing with them being together seems torturous. Like the time I changed yoga instructors, but I kept seeing my old one at my favorite take away place. I kept coming up with different injuries, it was exhausting.”
“I might have to deal with seeing them from time to time, I don’t know, but I’m moving for Henry not – ”
“Are you going to home school him?” she continued her crazy steam of conscious questions.
Ted was starting to have a hard time keeping up, “Um, no, I hadn’t planned to.”
“So, when he’s at school what are you going to do?”
“I don’t – I don’t know I haven’t decided.”
She leaned forward and whispered her next question, “Do you not like coaching anymore? Is this what a midlife crisis looks like? I never had one, so I’ve always been curious.”
Dropping his voice to match her level, he said, “I think some folks would argue me agreeing to coach soccer was the midlife crisis.”
“But you enjoy it, coaching here I mean?”
An affectionate smile tugged on his lips, “Coaching this team has been one of the greatest privileges of my life.”
“I’m just having a hard time understanding this,” she said just before taking a big gulp of her wine.
With a smack of her lips and a deep breath she continued, “You’re leaving the best job you’ve ever had, to move closer to your boy, who you’ll see when he’s not in school. All the while possibly dealing with your ex-wife snogging her therapist in front of you?”
Before Ted had a chance to reply she added, “When you could just move Henry here, avoid the snogging ex and therapist and still do the job you love surrounded by people who love you and who’ll support you.”
“Henry’s got friends and people who love and support him back home, I should just uproot him from that?” Ted genuinely asked.
“Have you even asked him? He might be up for an adventure. Kids are surprisingly more adaptable than we are. All stuck in our ways.”
Before Ted could answer Mae stopped by for their food orders. Once she left a comfortable silence settled in for a few moments. Ted took time to enjoy the momentary reprieve from the Deborah inquisition he had stumbled into. A lingering thought nagged him, and he searched for the courage to confront her about it.
“Why did you say I was running away earlier?” he mumbled before sipping his drink.
“Cause you are, dear. You’re running away from your feelings for my daughter,” she nonchalantly said as if it was a known fact.
Ted nearly spit his drink out, but keeping his mouth closed meant he just inadvertently choked himself on his own beer. Forcing himself to swallow the liquid down, he coughed for several long moments after. Deborah started rubbing circles on his back.
“Don’t beat yourself up too much, mothers have a sixth sense about these things,” she consoled him.
“Yeah,” he breathed between coughs, “I could use a little less mom intuitions for a bit.”
Using his napkin to wipe his mouth, he noticed Deborah give him a curious look.
“Your own mother was here recently, wasn’t she,” she asked.
“Yeah, yeah she was,” he said with a rough voice.
She nodded as she continued to eye him.
“And after she left is when you told Rebecca you were leaving?”
Keeping his gaze on the beer he was swirling around, Ted could only nod. A silence followed as he avoided looking up for a minute.
“I have this friend, Barbara, bit of a know it all, but she has the most exquisite taste in wine and men, occasionally in women too, she’s the bohemian type,” Deborah tried to explain quickly before saying, “Whenever she’s drunk, she has a habit of getting philosophical. I remember once her saying that we as parents, are always trying to make up for our failings, especially once our children have grown and understand the complexity of life. She said it doubles once a grandchild is around.”
Deborah looked off into the distance as she continued, “I didn’t understand what she meant, until after Paul’s funeral.”
Her gaze returned to Ted and for the first time he saw sadness in her eyes. I genuine lament that could only come from the ebbs and flows of parenthood.
“You see, he cheated on me, with all sorts of women for many years and I knew. I knew and I did nothing. I’d talk a big game and pretend like I was leaving but I just didn’t have the courage. But looking back, I realize, had I divorced him. Had I called him out on his behavior and done it when Rebecca was younger. If she had seen an example of a woman standing up for herself and not putting up with such things. Would she have seen through Rupert,” her voice conveyed the heartbreak of her story.
Ted was so taken aback by her openness to share such an intimate family detail he almost didn’t pay attention to the next part.
“Could I have spared her the pain, embarrassment, and years wasted on that man, if I had just had the courage to do what she ultimately did.”
She paused briefly to take a sip of her win then said, “Wouldn’t you rather have Henry see you thriving, and showing him there are opportunities in this world that can come from the places you least expect? That family is not just the one you’re born into but the one you create.”
“Or he will resent me for pulling him away from everyone he knows,” Ted countered.
“In the short term, perhaps, but his resentment will last a few months, maybe a year. Your own self resentment for leaving, that’ll fester for the rest of your life.”
Before either of them could say another word, their food arrived, followed by another round of drinks. Deborah, ever the lady, daintily began to eat her food, giving Ted a knowing smile. For all her random nonsensical stories, she did clearly know what she was doing. Giving Ted time to not only digest his food but also her words as they ate in peace for a few minutes.
“Mothers,” she muttered with a shake of her head, “Even when we have the best of intentions, we can cause more damage by trying to impart some wisdom we think our children need to hear, when instead we should be listening to what they’re trying to say.”
Ted didn’t know if she was talking to him or more to herself, but it opened him up enough to mention what Dottie had told him during her visit.
“My mom, when she was here. Told me Henry misses me,” he admitted in a low voice.
Deborah nodded and clearly seemed to be waiting for Ted to say something else. When he didn’t, her face contorted into confusion and slight annoyance.
“That’s it?” she asked in a rather flat annoyed manner.
“Pretty much,” Ted sighed.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and grumbled, “Your mother, flew to London, just to tell you that your child missed you?”
As Deborah slowly said each fact, it was dawning on Ted how idiotic it sounded.
“Does she not have a phone?” she asked then added, “Or a computer, ipad?”
Ted opened his mouth but was cut out off as she continued.
“Could she not have barrowed your ex’s phone or computer? Is she of sound mind and capable of dialing your number?”
Ted’s eyebrows raised as the image of Dottie stopping by the house just to call him seemed a bit silly.
“Oh Ted,” Deborah said with a sharp gasp, “Does she, does she have early onset of dementia.”
She gave his arm a squeeze and looked genuinely concerned but also satisfied as if she had figured out a mystery.
“Uh, no, no she’s fine. Phone was fully charged when I saw it, I think. No dementia . . . at least that I know of,” he rambled to try and defend his mom.
Deborah’s sweet, concerned face once again morphed into utter annoyance and Ted actually found it endearing as he could see the traces of Rebecca.
“Ted, I’m sorry to say this about anyone’s mom, but that is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever fucking heard,” she said with complete irritation before her voice rose to say, “Of course your son misses you!”
Deborah took a big swig of her wine, again similarly to how Rebecca would down her champagne.
“I miss my daughter and I live just a few towns over from her,” her exasperated tone wasn’t lost on Ted as her rant continued, “I was supposed to be taking her out to lunch, but I’m taking you instead.”
“I can leave so she can – ”
“No, because after we finish eating, you’re going to tell her how you feel,” she said flippantly while digging back into her food.
Ted felt his anxiety spike to over a million as he stammered.
“I – I don’t know, what – we’re friends, and – ”
She calmly interrupted, “And you’re in love with my daughter.”
He tried to correct her, come up with some lie that she was wrong, but he couldn’t speak, his mouth just hung open as his brow furrowed.
“And if I had to wager, you’ve been in love with her for a long time, which is why you got so good at hiding it,” her voice continued to be soft and warm, “from everyone else at least.”
Still dumbfounded she saw through him so easily, he tried to weakly shake his head.
“Damn, there was something Tish wanted me to say to you,” she quietly whispered as she looked bewildered that she had forgotten the message.
With a wave of her hand she sighed, “It’ll come to me.”
Ted had remained quiet, still trying to rack his brain with a lie or some story to explain he didn’t have the feelings Deborah said he had. When he glanced up from his beer, her head tilted clearly trying to catch his eyes.
“Why are you fighting so hard to deny what’s in your heart, dear?” she gently asked.
Struggling with his emotions, he tried to say, “Because she doesn’t – she’ll never see me . . . in that way.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Deborah said with an impish grin.
A sliver of hope weaved its way through his soul, if her mom had figured out his feelings and was working this hard to get him to stay, she must have been fairly confident Rebecca might have feelings for him. Ted tried not to get ahead of himself, he had convinced himself for years he’d never have a chance, his heart couldn’t take it if hope was falsely given.
“How?” was all Ted could muster out.
With a triumphant smile, she leaned forward to whisper, “Your eyes, they light up whenever Rebecca walks into a room. You do to, but you try and control it. Almost British of you.”
She took a few bites from her lunch then added, “She would call and tell me about her week or her day, and at some point, she’d talk about you. What silly thing you had done at practice, or how the biscuits you brought her that day tasted. How you’d stood up to Rupert in the pub with darts, or how worried she was when you had your panic attack after Tottenham, and she couldn’t find you after you’d left the pitch.”
“Wait, when did she tell you it was a panic attack?” Ted asked.
“That night,” she explained, “She tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up. Said she left the game to try and find you in the clubhouse and only found your jacket on the ground. Called me not long after and I said to wait until the morning. If you didn’t show up, you might be dead.”
Ted couldn’t stop the chuckle at her bluntness which then caused Deborah to laugh with him.
“So, you really think I have a chance, huh?” he asked quietly.
With an understanding smile she nodded. They dug back into their lunch and finished the rest of their drinks in a peaceful silent understanding. Ted insisted on paying for the bill, and as they exited the pub, Deborah began to walk towards the green.
“One of the reasons I had that epiphany about my parenting after Paul’s funeral was because of something Rebecca told me that day at the church,” she said as they casually strolled.
He noticed she seemed a bit more reserved then in the pub.
“I was away, and apparently while I was gone, she and Sassy snuck back into the house to nip a bottle of wine. She was supposed to be staying at Sassy’s that night,” Deborah clarified then continued, “They heard noises coming from upstairs.”
She stopped walking for a moment, clearly struggling with how to finish the story.
“They walked in on Paul shagging one of our neighbors. Rebecca screamed causing Paul to chase her and when she returned home the next day, he said nothing about it. She hated him ever since.”
Deborah started walking again causing Ted to follow.
“She even remembered the date of all things. September 13th, 1991.”
It was Ted’s turn to stop dead in his tracks. The information was like a gut punch to his very being. His chest tightened as he tried to breath and confirm what he’d just heard.
“Did – did you say September 13th?” he asked between breaths.
She nodded and answered, “Yes, September 13th 1991.”
An ocean away, as Ted’s world shattered from a single gunshot, Rebecca’s crumbled from a selfish act. Unlike his trauma, Rebecca would come face to face with her’s almost daily for years to come. Then of course, Rupert would double down on her distrust of men and reopen the wound her father had inflicted on her.
“Oh! I remember what Tish said,” Deborah happily declared while turning around to see Ted several steps behind her.
Placing a hand on his arm she gleefully relayed the message, “She said that you needed to stop looking for the yellow brick road, and let the red string bring you home.”
Her smile was bright and optimistic, she must have thought that message would somehow make sense to Ted. Unfortunately, he was battling back the early signs of a panic attack as he could only think about his and Rebecca’s shared trauma. Depending on what time Rebecca and Sassy were sneaking back into the house, she could have been walking up her stairs at the same time he was walking up his own from school. To think they’ve been linked together all this time like a . . . red string.
“I’ll admit it is one of her more cryptic messages,” Deborah prattled on.
And just like that, everything snapped into focus for Ted. Closing his eyes and putting his hand over his heart, he thought of Rebecca’s smile whenever he handed her biscuits, or the way she laughed at one of his jokes. His nerves settled and he felt calm, attentive, and centered.
“Is Rebecca home, do ya know?” He asked in a rush.
Taken aback by his sudden forwardness, Deborah replied, “I don’t but I can look.”
She pulled out her phone and went to the feature where you can share your location with family and friends. It took Deborah a minute, but she found the map and zoomed in, it showed Rebecca’s phone was at her house.
“Once she told me she was going to divorce Rupert and take him for everything she could, I made her share her location with me,” she explained.
“Because you were worried Rupert might try something?” Ted asked with slight concern.
She laughed and said, “Oh no, because I was worried, she would.”
This made Ted smile as he insisted, “I have to go talk with her.”
“I know,” she said in that same confident manner from before lunch.
He was about to set off towards her townhouse when Deborah took hold of his wrist.
“Be patient with my little sausage, Ted,” she sweetly instructed, “I don’t think she fully knows her feelings, at least not consciously . . . not yet.”
“I promise,” he happily exclaimed.
With that, he moved and started to head for her house.
“Oh, and Ted!”
He turned back to her.
“Do try and remember to wear pants tomorrow morning, I’ll pop by to check on you both.”
Before he could ask her what the hell she meant, Deborah turned and sauntered away. With a shake of his head, he started walking towards Rebecca’s house. His mind raced with what to say, how to say it, were there things he should wait to say until later. As he turned the corner to her street, her steps came into view, and he found himself slowing down. Doubt crept in, had her mother perhaps been wrong in assessing how Rebecca felt? Was he about to make a giant fool of himself?
As he approached the small gate in front of her walkway, he stopped and put his hand over his heart again. When he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing he was once again flooded with images of her. The way she smiled when she talked about winning for Richmond and not to get back at Rupert, the silly little elf hat she wore when she dragged him out for Christmas day, the way her tears had stilled for a moment when he started singing at the funeral.
“Barbecue sauce,” he whispered to himself before walking up the path.
He rang her doorbell and waited. When she opened the door, he was met with her surprised gorgeous face.
“Ted? Everything alright?” she asked.
With a deep breath he quickly blurted out, “I really need to talk with you.”
She seemed hesitant as she said, “Look Ted, I’m just not ready to – ”
“Please, it’s important,” his voice rumbled.
She must have seen how serious he was, without another word she opened the door and let him in. They walked into her kitchen, he took off his backpack and placed it by one of her bar chairs.
“Can I get you anything?” she asked as she moved to her fridge.
“Waters fine,” he nervously replied, then added, “Flat.”
“Flat,” she had said at the same time.
This caused a smile to break out on both their faces. She returned with a glass of water for him then went to put a kettle on for herself. Ted watched as she put a physical barrier between them by keeping herself on the other side of the kitchen island. Taking a long gulp from the glass he tried to summon all the courage he had left.
“You okay?” she softly questioned while leaning against the counter opposite him.
He nodded as he quickly said, “Yup, great, dandy, A-okay, couldn’t be better. Fit as a fidd – ”
“Ted,” she calmly but assertively stated.
“Right, sorry, I uh – I might be a little all over the place like that Jackson Pollock guy, throwing paint everywhere. Just got a lot of things floating around up here, ya know,” he rambled as he pointed to his head.
Her eyes softened as she gave a small nod before gently saying, “Let’s take it one thing at a time then.”
“Yeah, I – wait – no, I think, I think I should start from the beginning,” he prattled on.
He started to pace a little then looked over at her and said, “This might take a minute, but I need to say it all.”
He could see the hint of affection in her eyes as she watched him, and it gave him the small little nudge needed to continue.
“If you can just be patient, and let me get it all out,” he asked quietly.
She nodded as she tenderly replied, “Of course. Take your time.”
“Appreciate you,” he quickly just threw out then stopped and shook his head, “No, it’s more than that.”
Ted began to pace again, perhaps if he wasn’t looking directly at her, he could articulate better what he was trying to say.
“I told myself and the coaches, I started making your biscuits as a way to get to know you, build a working relationship, just a little quiet time to be people and not the owner and manager, ya know,” he began, “But I was lying, more to myself than anyone else.”
He swung around and paced back in her direction. He couldn’t even steal a glance as he was determined to say everything he felt.
“I just wanted an excuse to see you, try and make you laugh or smile. See if I could get you to give me some little nugget about yourself,” his voice held a whimsical tone to it.
“At the time I couldn’t explain it, I just felt this need to make sure you were okay. You had just gone through this horrible divorce, I was on the verge of one, maybe if I could help you through it, I could make it through mine,” Ted’s voice strained a touch as he mentioned their shared pain.
He paused and leaned against the counter, his voice low as he said, “Then you trusted me at the gala with what Rupert had put you through and sat with me in Liverpool when no one else noticed my panic attack.”
Taking a moment to breath, he stole a glance at her, and he could see something, hope perhaps, maybe more, lingering just on the edge. He shuffled a few steps so that he was standing across from her.
“And when Rupert showed up at the pub, I saw the panic and pain in your eyes, and I knew from that moment on, I wasn’t going to let him hurt you anymore.”
His brow furrowed as the echo of that feeling, wanting to be her protector, was ever stronger now.
“But I failed you,” his voice cracked slightly, “The team lost, and we were relegated.”
Pushing off the counter he drifted towards the dining room, looking out at the garden.
“I just couldn’t shake that feeling all summer, couldn’t understand why the thought of failing you hurt so bad. Why not being able to bring you biscuits, cause you were on vacation and I was with Henry, why’d it make me so dang cranky?”
Ever so slowly he turned, knowing he needed to look at her when he said this part, no matter what, he had to hold her gaze.
“Then it hit me, harder than Nora Ephron use to hit a typewriter key,” he said before taking a deep breath and admitting, “I’d fallen in love with you.”
Rebecca’s mouth dropped ever so slightly almost forming a perfect “o.” It was rather adorable, and Ted was fighting the urge to march over and kiss her, but he had to explain everything, hoping it would give her the courage to do the same.
As he slowly moved back to the kitchen island he continued, “And when we came back for the next season, you were already seeing someone. And I knew, I’d rather be sitting on your couch letting you put nail polish on my fingers, telling me all the details about these men, then not spend any time with you. Cause at least I had you as a friend.”
Tears started to sting his eyes and his voice strained, “Then you showed up at Christmas to make sure I wasn’t alone, left me voice messages to let me know you were there for me after my panic attacks. And I was too much of a coward to tell you how I felt because if you didn’t feel the same, and I lost you as a friend . . .”
His voice betrayed him and gave away the emotions he was trying to keep controlled until he had finished. With a shaky hand he reached for the glass of water, but Rebecca intercepted it and held it firmly in her own. She carefully moved around the island and then pulled him into a hug. Without her high heels, he was slightly taller than her, which allowed his lips to hover just above her ear. They clung to one another for several long minutes, before Rebecca’s painful whisper broke the silence.
“Do you – do you still feel that way about me?”
He gave her a gentle squeeze as he breathed, “Always.”
“Then why are you leaving,” she nearly sobbed.
He pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes as he whispered, “I miss my son, he misses me, and I didn’t think you’d ever see me that way.”
Pulling out of their embrace, Ted took hold of both of her hands in his as he said, “But if I’m wrong, and there’s a chance you might feel the same . . . I’ll stay.”
Now, it was Ted’s turn to wait as he watched her bright jade eyes glisten with unshed tears. He could hear the blood pounding in his ear which each heartbeat that passed. His unguarded eyes conveyed all the love and affection he felt for her, and his thumbs gently caressed the back of her hands. She began to lean forward as her eyes darted between his lips and his gaze. When she finally kissed him, it was like coming home. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as goosebumps erupted over his skin. It was everything he had dreamed and more.
When they finally parted for air, her lips brushed against his as she panted, “Stay.”
This time it was Ted who pulled her in for another kiss. A tiny moan escaped Rebecca’s lips as her hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer.
“Stay tonight,” she exhaled between kisses, “Tomorrow.”
When they broke apart again, both of their chests were heaving, but she managed to gasp one last request.
“Stay forever.”
He pulled her into a bone crushing hug as he buried his face in her hair. The anguish and torment he had endured washing away with each kiss and caress. As he inhaled the scent of her, he closed his eyes and focused on the two pounding beats he could feel in his chest. Yet the two beats merged and soon, their hearts were in perfect harmonious rhythm.
The next morning Ted awoke before Rebecca. Her body snuggled up against his as the small spoon. He let his eyes slowly wandered over all the little love marks they had left on one another’s skin. They were going to be sore for days, but he was sure they’d do it all over again later. For now, he wanted to surprise her with biscuits. Carefully extracting himself from her, he threw his pants and white t-shirt on before padding out of the room.
He was just getting ready to put the biscuits in the oven when a familiar voice called out as Rebecca’s front door opened.
“In here,” Ted tried to reply softly.
As Deborah rounded the corner, a gigantic smug smirk was plastered on her face.
“I appreciate you remembering the pants, Ted,” she happily said while taking a set at the island.
With a nod and a chuckle, he replied, “Well, I appreciate you taking me to lunch.”