Chapter Text
Dammit. Kathryn grabbed toast and coffee off the table and forced herself to eat the first as she waited for the latter to cool. Oversleeping was so much less of a hazard when she lived by herself. She'd been so good at getting up when she didn't wake up next to a gorgeous, frequently naked man.
"Sorry," she mumbled to Chakotay through toast. "Sorry, sorry. You shouldn't let me sleep." She ended the last with a clumsy kiss of his cheek.
Nodding his agreement, Chakotay put an arm around her waist, letting it slide down across her hip as she moved away. "You're right, I'm sorry," he said, not in the least apologetic. He blew on his tea before taking a sip and grinned over the mug at her. "I like to watch you for a while in the morning before you wake up," he admitted. There was also the matter of her chronic sleep deprivation, which he tried to alleviate whenever the opportunity presented itself, but now was not the time to get into that.
"Maybe you should get up earlier then," she teased, shaking her head. Kathryn yawned behind her coffee cup and wished it would cool faster.
"I hate being late," she sighed, giving up and sitting down before he forced her to. "Tom teases me."
Handing her a dish of fruit, Chakotay sat down. "Try this while you're waiting," he said, nodding to the steaming coffee cup. It was an uphill battle getting Kathryn to consume something other than caffeine, but he didn't give it much thought. His mind was back at their discussion of morning routine.
"Anyway, it's hardly my fault," he said, picking up where they had left off. "I usually wake before the alarm so I cancel it because I think it's nicer to wake you myself. But then you're lying there, your face so peaceful, hair spread over the pillow, arms above your head, and you wear that peach nightgown that I love..." He trailed off, then looked up guiltily and grinned. "Sorry, what were we discussing?"
Sitting down at the table, she used her fork to choose a piece of fruit. When she lifted it to her mouth, the smell of it made her pause. It smelt strange. Kathryn looked at it curiously, making sure she knew what she was eating.
A strawberry should have been incredibly familiar, but this just didn't smell right. Maybe she was tired. She popped it in her mouth and forced herself to swallow quickly. His fruit seemed to be fine. She was being silly.
"We were discussing the fact that you like letting me sleep in," she reminded Chakotay with a shake of her head. "Don't you want me to be on time for my shift?" she pleaded playfully.
"Be careful, Kathryn," he warned with a mock leer. "If we're going with what I want, you'll never make it out of bed." His fantasies, when he had time to indulge them, involved long, uninterrupted blocks of time with her, preferably far away from any other living soul. Too many of their days were spent scrabbling for even those few precious minutes in the morning or at night.
Sighing at the impossibility, Chakotay studied her a moment. She looked pale, and she was definitely more tired than usual, which was the real reason he'd let her oversleep. "Quiet night tonight?" he proposed gently, standing to stretch and draining the last of his tea.
She reached for his arm, tugging him down over the table to kiss his cheek. "It's Tuesday," she reminded him. "Movie night." Pulling him down further, she kissed him lightly and sighed. "We can sit in the back and you can tell me what happened when it's all done." One of the downsides of being more social with the crew was that they were busier together than they'd ever been single.
Kathryn gulped down the rest of the fruit, trying not to frown at the bowl. Not even the pineapple tasted right. She drank her coffee quickly. "Your versions of Mr. Paris' choices are usually more fun anyway."
"It brings out the poet in me," Chakotay smiled agreeably. "Tonight's feature involves Godzilla, but I'm not sure if that's a person or a place."
Placing his cup in the replicator, he turned back to Kathryn and let his hand rest lightly on her shoulder. "I can think of worse ways to spend an evening than sitting in the dark with you," he teased.
Tossing her arms around the back of his neck, she kissed him firmly. His coffee tasted slightly better than hers. Maybe she needed to try sugar...that was just wrong. It had to be a replicator malfunction.
"Godzilla vs Mothra," she clarified for him. "I believe they're both monsters out to destroy part of Earth. I do like the films with the creative use of early computer graphics." Kissing him one more time, Kathryn reluctantly backed towards the door.
"Light, dark...if you're there, I'll be," she promised before she left.
Chakotay smiled at the back of Kathryn. Gathering the few remaining dishes, he placed them in the replicator before glancing over to the chronometer. He had promised to start the day by speaking with Neelix about a proposed food-gathering expedition.
The amount of bureaucracy in his job amused him. From freedom fighter to chief administrator was not a move he'd anticipated for his life. There was, of course, much more to the first officer role than management, but some days he felt more like head babysitter, or if he were brutally honest, zookeeper. In fairness, that had less to do with the crew and more to do with the oddities that life in the Delta Quadrant tended to provide.
Still, as he passed through the doorway of the shared quarters that had been his home for almost a year, Chakotay acknowledged that he was the happiest he had ever been.
Strolling onto the bridge, Kathryn was acutely aware she was a few minutes late but there was no point in worrying about it. Tuvok raised an eyebrow and she tapped his console as she passed. "Mr. Tuvok."
She caught Tom's smile as she crossed behind him towards her chair. Harry was the only one who didn't seem ready to pounce on her for being late. She smiled at Harry, he was always a bright spot on the bridge and he was growing up so fast. She must have looked at him longer than normal; she'd been so sentimental lately.
"Good morning Mr. Kim."
"Captain," Harry said, smiling back.
Instead taking her chair immediately, she strolled up behind the conn. Resting her hand on Tom's shoulder, she barely resisted the urge to straighten a rebellious lock of his hair. "What's our heading, Mr. Paris?"
"Heading two seven four mark one three," Tom replied pleasantly. It was going to be a good day. The captain's hand on his shoulder always made him feel vaguely like he'd done something clever in school.
Not that that had happened particularly often.
Swiveling a little to face her, he grinned cheekily. "Good to see you, Captain. I was a little concerned you were having trouble finding your way to the bridge. Or did you oversleep again?"
She really wouldn't gain anything by denying it so Kathryn sighed and nodded to him. "Unfortunately I did, Mr. Paris." This made it the third time in the last two weeks. If she wasn't the captain, she'd consider putting herself on report. "I'm pleased you pay so much attention to the time."
Tilting his head a little, Tom concentrated on looking innocent. She was in an oddly relaxed mood; she could take a little teasing. "You know, my Captain Proton program has something called an alarm clock. It's meant to help people get out of bed on time. Big bells on the top...it might be useful. I could look into getting you one if you'd like?"
Kathryn tried to glare at him but failed utterly. "I don't know if it would match the décor of my bedroom but I'll keep it in mind." Retreating to her chair in the centre of the bridge, she sat down but couldn't banish her smile. Picturing something with large brass bells next to her bed, she smirked and to her dismay, she giggled.
Spinning in his chair, Tom glanced first at the captain, then at Harry whose eyes were enormous. Even Tuvok's eyebrow was a little higher than normal. Kathryn Janeway did not giggle, and Tom would know. She had one of the best laughs he'd ever heard; when it rang out it was like cooling rain on the savannah. There was nothing timid or, well, girly about it.
Harry glared at him and motioned to the captain with a nod of his head. Sighing a little, Tom turned back to his console. He knew what Harry wanted but he also knew that questioning the competence of the captain, even in the broadest sense, was a little closer to the line than even he liked to go.
Oh well. What the hell. "Everything all right back there, Captain?" he asked casually, suddenly very involved in the numbers on the screen before him.
Now she'd done it. Trying to resurrect her composure, Kathryn dropped her eyes to her console and tried to focus on the sensor readings. Perhaps Chakotay was right, being sleep deprived caught up to everyone given long enough. She bit her lip and managed to stop herself from continuing to giggle. It wasn't even that funny. Tom was often funny and she usually found ways to ignore him.
"Of course, Mr. Paris," she answered warmly. There was no sense in penalising him for being curious. "It's nothing. Thank you for your concern."
The unbidden image of Chakotay's face when she told him she needed an antique alarm clock with bells made her giggles sneak back up to the surface. She hadn't been this bad since she was a cadet. Swallowing, she focused on the viewscreen and the starlines flying past. It was going to be a very long day.
"Tell me about Godzilla," she asked, trying to shift his attention. "Does he eat Moscow?"
Tom snorted. "Uh, no, ma'am." A flickering light caught his attention and he made the appropriate adjustments. "In this one, Godzilla ravages Japan, taking out several large buildings with his atomic ray before facing off against Mothra in the climactic battle scene. It's gonna be great, Captain, you'll love it!" Movie night was right up there with television. "It's considered to be one of the top five movies of that genre," he continued seriously.
Harry watched the exchange with interest. She was still having some difficulty keeping her focus but overall she seemed all right. Surely Tuvok would notice if there was really a problem.
Although she and Commander Chakotay attended a lot of the social events, he doubted Godzilla was really her style. "Do you like movie night, Captain?" Harry asked, curious.
"Oh, right, Japan," she remembered that. Godzilla always attacked Japan, B'Elanna had been talking about it yesterday at lunch. Smiling affectionately at the back of Tom's head, she wondered when Chakotay would make it up to the bridge to save her. Although, even he wouldn't know what to do with her and the giggles if she couldn't find a way to concentrate.
"Tom's selections make it very enlightening, Mr. Kim," she answered Harry's question, turning slightly in her chair. "With an entire library of films over the last few centuries, he seems to like the ones with monsters played by actors in rubber suits."
"Hey now, come on," Tom protested, sounding more hurt than he actually was. "These films are classics. They have both historical and cultural significance." In truth, 'significance' might not have been exactly the word, but they were fun.
"Ask Chakotay, he likes them."
"What do I like?" Chakotay asked, striding onto the bridge. He nodded to Tuvok and Harry, and registered a look of what appeared to be relief on Harry's face, before settling into his seat beside Kathryn and smiling at her.
"Monster movies."
Tom had turned fully in his chair to continue the conversation Chakotay had interrupted. "Careful, Lieutenant," Chakotay said wryly. "Don't steer us into an asteroid." He wasn't really irritated. The atmosphere on the bridge seemed a little more...loose than usual, but that wasn't a bad thing, particularly when nothing important was going on.
"I think we're all right, Chakotay," Kathryn promised, staring at the empty viewscreen. She had no idea why she was protecting Tom, and she gave Chakotay an apologetic shrug. "There's nothing out there. What was that-" she twirled her hand in the air, trying to remembering. "The one you liked Chakotay, with the highly improbable monsters who bled acid."
They'd kept jumping out in the dark, and for some reason, the effect had been highly disturbing. Her fingers had been wrapped tightly enough around his wrist that she'd worried she'd put his hand to sleep. "You remember, don't you?"
"Are you thinking of Alien, Captain?" Chakotay asked her, recognizing the apology in her glance and smiling warmly to let her know it was fine. It was unusual for Kathryn to comment on his interactions with the crew but it didn't really bother him one way or the other.
"Alien was considered a much higher quality picture than the monster movies from earlier in the century," Tom chimed back in after determining there was no tension between the members of the command team. "Personally, I think it's all in the eye of the beholder."
Harry laughed. "You would. Godzilla's a lot closer to Captain Proton than anything else we've come across."
"Alien," Kathryn agreed, beaming at him. She knew he'd know. "That was it. I liked that one."
"I believe I agree with the captain," Tuvok interjected. "Captain Proton and Godzilla seem to be more of a distraction than entertainment that truly provokes an emotional response. Parts of Alien would be almost disturbing enough to be used as a test of a Vulcan child's self control."
"You let your children watch scary movies?" Kathryn asked, turning her head back towards Tuvok. "Wouldn't that be a waste of their time?"
"Learning to control all emotions, including fear, is vital to the development of Vulcan children," Tuvok reported back evenly. "I would be happy to provide Mr. Paris with some examples that might not be too emotionally disturbing for non-Vulcan members of the crew."
"Gee, Tuvok," Tom turned his head to make sure all was as it should be before returning to the conversation. "Vulcan-themed movie night. We'll all have nightmares for a month. Thanks but no thanks."
Chakotay scanned through a list of reports waiting for his perusal as the chatter went on around him. Nothing urgent. He looked up to catch Kathryn watching him with interest. She'd been more attentive lately, even in public. Not that it was unwelcome in any way. She was, as always, professional and discreet, and he doubted anyone but him had noticed.
"Most cultures incorporate the idea of helping children master fear," he offered. "Just maybe not in such a definitive way."
Tom and Tuvok verbally sparring nearly had her in the giggles again. Kathryn should have known better. Vulcan children's films terrifying her crew was a far too amusing thought. She had to bite her lip again. It had to be sleep deprivation.
Chakotay's comment was wise, of course, but she was still fighting with the part of herself that was so amused by everything today.
"Perhaps if you had a more disciplined mind, you would not need to be concerned with nightmares," Tuvok retorted towards the conn officer.
Kathryn smirked. Discipline and Tom Paris were not close friends. Her upper lip itched and she rubbed it on the back of her hand. To her surprise, the back on her hand was smeared with blood as she pulled it away. It wasn't much, but it was certainly a surprise.
Tom's response to Tuvok was halted when he noticed the problem. It was the puzzled look on her face as much as anything that drew his attention, followed quickly by the blood across her nose and lips. "Ah, Captain--" he began, but Chakotay was already on it.
"You're bleeding," he noted calmly. She'd discovered the blood herself but sat studying it as though it contained the mysteries of the universe. Waiting a minute, Chakotay leaned over to place a hand on her arm. "Captain?"
"I'm all right, Chakotay," she promised quickly. It didn't hurt at all and perhaps that was what had her so confused. "It's nothing. It's barely bleeding."
That was a slight understatement, but a nosebleed was nothing to be worried about. "I'm fine," she promised again. "It'll probably just stop."
"Don't lean back, Captain," Tom said quietly, noticing the tilt of her head. "You don't want the blood to go down your throat." He knew she hated the attention and he felt bad, but it didn't appear to be stopping. "Squeeze your nose just below the bridge," he suggested. The minor blood flow didn't seem to interfere with her ability to glare at him and grinning at her, he turned away to examine the conn, giving her a moment to compose herself.
Chakotay watched quietly, trusting Kathryn to let them know what she needed. She'd come a long way from the woman who'd once ignored a broken ankle until she literally couldn't walk on it.
Pinching her nose, Kathryn sighed and rolled her eyes at herself. She could almost hear Chakotay's lecture through his eyes. Maybe he had a point. The bleeding wasn't stopping and she couldn't just sit there.
"Well, Commander, I think I'll have to leave the bridge to you until I'm no longer a hazard to the ship's carpet." She hated going to sickbay but it couldn't be helped.
She smiled at Chakotay, promising she was all right. "I'll be in sickbay."
"Captain," Tuvok interrupted her walk to the turbolift. "The Doctor will need to be summoned from holodeck two."
Tom's head snapped up at that piece of information. "I could go with you, Captain," he volunteered quickly. Things on the bridge weren't exactly hopping, and he was curious about what had caused the nosebleed. He was half out of his chair before he thought to check with Chakotay, who gave him a quick nod.
"Come on, Captain," he said smoothly, openly trying to charm her. "Best medic in the Delta Quadrant. No waiting. Plus no lecture from the Doc. Who could resist that?"
Even with her hand on her nose, Kathryn had to smile at Tom. When he wanted to be, he was terribly charming. "Thank you, Mr. Paris." It wasn't that long ago she'd had to force him into sickbay; now she couldn't help being proud of him.
"I want a level two sensor sweep, Mr. Tuvok, just in case I'm our canary in a coal mine," she sighed. Holding her hand beneath her nose was one of the least dignified things she'd had to do on the bridge.
"Of course, Captain," Tuvok answered with a nod.
Kathryn met Chakotay's eyes and smiled weakly at him. She'd be fine, and he'd never admit he was concerned, but she felt better after looking at him.
"All right, Lieutenant, you have yourself a patient."
The trip to sickbay took no time at all, mainly because Kathryn Janeway didn't walk anywhere slowly, dripping blood or no dripping blood. He couldn't help but admire her.
"Up on the bed, if you please. We'll have you fixed up in no time. First we'll stop the bleeding, then we'll figure out what's causing it." Tom passed the captain a towel and put a shallow basin in her lap so she could remove her hand. "Is this the first time this has happened?"
"Yes, Doc," she replied, wiping her fingers on the towel. Tom had a special smile when he was being caring. It was one of the things she was most proud of him for. His father would have been too. She hoped Tom knew that.
Trying not to look at the little red drops falling into the basin, she watched Tom grab a tricroder. "I can't remember ever having a spontaneous nosebleed before, correct."
A quick look showed him the ruptured blood vessel and Tom cauterised it deftly. "That should help, but you'll probably have to let it drain another minute," he told the captain apologetically.
Beginning a full body scan, he worked his way carefully through a differential diagnosis, as the Doc had taught him. No head trauma or systemic weakening of the capillaries, no sign of allergy or environmentally-caused irritation, blood pressure well within acceptable parameters, but--
Puzzled, he stared at the tricorder. "Your blood volume is higher than it should normally be. I'm not sure - oh--" He cut himself off and grinned at her, amazed, as the scan revealed its answer. "Wow, Captain, you could have said something."
Kathryn had been trying not to swing her feet of the edge of the biobed. She usually didn't fidget, but she was full of nervous energy that didn't have a place to go. Once her nose had stopped bleeding, she was left with a slightly foggy feeling that wasn't unpleasant.
Tom on the other hand, was entirely surprised by something on his tricorder. She turned to him, tilting her head to the side. "Said something about what, Mr. Paris?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "You're not about to tell me that I have some kind of alien parasite that's ready to burst through my chest, are you?"
For a second he thought for sure she was pulling his leg. She had a wicked but subtle sense of humour and the Alien reference was too perfect. Something in her eyes made him hesitate.
"You don't...?" She didn't, it dawned on him all at once. The captain had no idea. "You don't know," he sputtered a little, all thought of bedside manner abandoning him entirely. "You don't know, and I'm an idiot. Oh god, I'm sorry, Captain." Great work, Paris. There's a promotion in this for you for sure!
"It's all right, Tom," she reassured him. He was so flustered she forgot she was supposed to be the patient. "You don't have to apologise. I'm sure whatever it is will be fine." Kathryn patted his shoulder and searched his face for a hint.
"What is it that I don't know?" she wondered, waiting for him to calm down. "Have you discovered some terrible alien virus?" She smiled a little, wishing she could do something for him. "I'm not going to have to miss Godzilla, am I?"
Tom smiled weakly, appreciating her kindness. "No, no," he promised, "it's nothing as drastic as that. Well, actually, I hope not..." Really, he had no idea how she'd feel about what he had to tell her. Oh boy. This was not helping.
"All right, Captain," he regrouped mentally, and wondered if there was any hope of summoning the Doc. But if he didn't saying something he was in real danger of scaring her. Nobody wanted to see their trained medical professional staring at the tricorder and babbling like a dolt.
Pull it together. "I just need a little more information," he said with more confidence than he felt. He could at least try to ease her into it. "Have you noticed any other unusual symptoms lately? Anything at all?"
He was trying so hard to smile. If she thought it wouldn't have bothered him further, Kathryn would have considered reminding him how much she trusted him. Tom seemed to think she was missing something, so she tried to be helpful.
Crossing her legs, she rested her hands on her knee and ran through the last few days mentally. "I had a headache on Tuesday and again yesterday, but that's hardly unusual." She frowned and tried to think back further.
"I suppose I've been tired," Kathryn admitted, smiling in reproach of herself. "I have had to contemplate putting myself on report for oversleeping. I've never had that problem before. I don't see how that would be related to an increase in blood volume, but, I'm not the medic now am I?"
Tom swallowed. "No, ma'am, you're not," he acknowledged. She really had no clue and there was nothing he could do to prepare her for it. Taking a deep breath, he tried for a calm and serious tone. "Captain, you're pregnant."
Saying the words caused a smile to explode across his face that sent the last of his hopes for professional detachment flying out the airlock. It really was the most wonderful news. "You're pregnant," he told her again.
Kathryn simply stared at him. Her lips parted in shock and her stomach dropped into her boots. Shaking her head slowly, she watched Tom break into a smile and beam at her. "I--"
He really was committed to this prank. It had to be a joke, there was no other explanation. She laughed, losing her control and losing out to the giggles that had been torturing her all morning. "Very funny, Tom," she answered, still laughing even as she sighed in relief. "You almost had me. Is Chakotay in on this?"
"Captain," Tom rolled his eyes inwardly. It figured he would finally work up to telling her and she wouldn't believe him. Nobody ever accused the Doc of playing a joke when he gave an official diagnosis.
On the other hand, it had to be quite a shock.
"I'm serious," he tried again. "You're definitely pregnant. Here, look at the tricorder." Moving beside her so she could watch, he motioned to the pertinent information. "See that? Two life signs. Yours and an entirely healthy human fetus at..." Tom pushed a button, "forty-six days gestation. Almost seven weeks," he clarified unnecessarily. He wasn't even sure she'd heard what he was saying.
Her laughter abandoned her as quickly as it had overtaken her. She gasped, involuntarily grabbing his forearm. "No--"
She swallowed, then shook her head. There had to be some mistake. "No, Tom. That's not possible. Both of our inhibitors are up-to-date. It just can't- I'm not."
Normally she never argued with scientific data, but this time the biobed and Tom's tricorder had to be wrong.
"Let me check again," Tom suggested, deciding to go with her for a moment. "Maybe it was a mistake." Taking a different tricorder off the tray beside the next biobed, he made a show of scanning her slowly and thoroughly, before shaking his head. "Same result as before. Two life signs, increased blood volume, and a high level of b-HCG, which is what we expect when you're approaching eight weeks or so."
She was shaking and if he wasn't mistaken there was the start of tears in her eyes - tears that he'd never seen even a hint of in all the catastrophes that had befallen Voyager. If they weren't hormonally-induced he'd eat the tricorder. "Also, Captain," Tom paused, not wanting to push her over the edge, "there are only minimal traces of the inhibitor in your system. You're actually the second person this week to tell me she was up-to-date when she wasn't." He shrugged. "We assumed the first was a fluke. Maybe not."
She shivered, cold fingers wrapped around her entire body starting from her feet and creeping their way up. One tricorder might be wrong. The biobed could be malfunctioning, but she was grasping at straws. "Minimal," she repeated. Chakotay's might have been functioning, but without both of them up-to-date, they'd been playing the odds.
And she'd lost.
Shutting her eyes long enough to force her tears away, Kathryn swallowed again. "I didn't," she stammered. "I didn't even suspect. I haven't been nauseated or--" she couldn't even remember what else was supposed to indicate pregnancy. She had to focus. Take it one piece at a time. Bursting into tears on a biobed wouldn't be helpful to anyone. "Am I- is it- we're all right. Healthy, I mean."
Glancing around the room, Tom grabbed a warming blanket from where it had been left on the chair and activated it, wrapping it around her shoulders. "You're completely healthy," he repeated slowly, "both of you. I'm sure the Doc will have something to say about caffeine and regular meals and all that, but everything's fine. Nosebleeds are common for some women, particularly in the first trimester when the body isn't used to all the extra blood. It didn't mean anything," he promised.
Her skin was paste white but the shivering was dying down, and she seemed to be taking in at least some of what he was saying. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling anything but. "I know it's a shock." Hesitantly, Tom patted her shoulder, ending with a little squeeze. "I could call Chakotay if you'd like," he offered, "or we can just sit here a while longer." They'd become closer in the last year or so, and he understood better than he might have before what a terrible conflict this would be for her. Still, it really was the most incredible news. He bit back the smile that threatened once more, not wanting to seem insensitive to her reaction.
"I--" she stopped herself before she crossed the line. Kathryn could fight down all her emotions and go back to the bridge; she'd done it before. "I'm fine." Now she was lying, but he was sweet enough to go along. She wasn't sure who she wanted more, her mother or Chakotay, but she was too far away from the first and not ready to pull the second off the bridge.
"I really didn't think I would," she said finally. "I took every precaution. I renewed my inhibitor early. I was brutal to Chakotay if he didn't do the same." She teetered on the edge of babbling before she reigned herself in. The smile he was hiding was one of the most gentle she'd ever seen on his face. He was happy, she realised dumbly. Part of her mind supplied that Chakotay would be more ecstatic than she could fathom.
"I didn't even think this could happen," she added softly. "I didn't even consider the possibility. I don't- I can't--" When her eyes started to sting again, she froze and willed herself to focus on anything. Even the hand on her shoulder. "Thank you," she managed weakly. "Thank you, Tom." He was trying so hard not to smile, the least she could do was try not to feel like she was balanced on the edge of the universe.
I really didn't have anything to do with it," he said waggishly, trying to tease her back from the tears he could still see threatening. She'd never forgive herself, or him, if she broke down.
"I realise this wasn't planned," Tom said hesitantly, "and in your position it brings a number of problems with it, but--" he was out of line but suddenly he didn't care. "Captain, I think it's great." He grinned and slid the blanket from her shoulders, busying himself against the embarrassment that flushed up through his cheeks. "I know you have some things to consider, but, well...that's a lucky baby."
Burying her face in her hands for a moment, she listened to Tom and clung to his good cheer like a lifeline. "Great," she repeated as she lifted her head. It was probably a hell of a lot easier to think being pregnant was great if you weren't the one whose body was about to turn against her.
As much as she wanted to be angry, it didn't fit. She wasn't angry: she was terrified. Captains didn't have the luxury of being afraid in front of their crews, even when it had something to do with their personal lives. "I didn't know you had so much faith in Chakotay's parenting abilities," she quipped, reaching for the dregs of her sense of humour. Even as she teased him, she was touched. Tom's respect was not easy to earn, and it had taken a lot of faith for him to share that with her.
"Tell me I don't look as bad as I feel and we can go back to the bridge."
"Sure...ah, Captain?" Tom shook his head. "No offense, but Chakotay will take one look at you and think we had to eject the warp core and he missed it."
Walking over to the replicator on the wall he ordered orange juice." He handed it to the captain, risking another pat on the arm. "Drink this," he instructed. "It's medicinal. It'll boost your blood sugar." Responding to her raised eyebrow, he chuckled and held up a hand. "Sorry, just trying to get you used to what's coming. If you think I'm bad, imagine the Doc."
That thought sobered him. "He's going to want to talk to you; he'll see the report as soon as he comes back into sickbay." Tom shrugged. "You might have to outrun him for a bit," he said sympathetically, then winked. "But you didn't hear that from me."
"Perhaps you could schedule my inevitable follow up appointment in the morning," she asked, trying to keep her voice light. "I can't imagine anything will change in my condition over night." Kathryn wasn't quite ready to use the words Tom had. She had no idea how she was going to tell Chakotay without finally breaking down or laughing hysterically. At least she could count on him to take it better than she had.
Drinking her orange juice, she frowned at the glass. Having a strange sense of taste all of a sudden wasn't the kind of symptom she imagined. Not that she had ever spent much time imagining herself with child. She'd talked to her mother about it a few times, and she vaguely remembered when Phoebe was born. She'd always thought her mother would be in subspace range.
"It tastes funny." Now she sounded like a child. "Things have tasted off. Different. I thought it was just Neelix's food or the replicator being out of alignment."
She relaxed her forehead, smiled weakly, and finished her juice quickly. "And I have a great deal more strangeness to look forward to, don't I?"
"I think that's why nature gives you nine months," Tom suggested diplomatically. Taking the juice glass from her, he lifted a hand to help her down.
Kathryn stared at his hand. Not that there was anything wrong with it: it was a sweet, gentlemanly thing to do, but she was the captain. Usually she was separate.
Taking Tom's hand, she smiled faintly at him when the warmth of his fingers closed around hers. He was as surpised as she was. He had strong hands, like Chakotay's. She slid slowly off the bed, letting him guide her. How many more hands would she have to count on to bring up this baby safely?
He took a minute to tidy the area as the captain finished composing herself. Within seconds all obvious traces of distress were gone. It was incredible and he'd always wondered how she managed it. Maybe you had to, when you were the big boss.
He smiled and gave a quick nod. "Ready to go, Captain?"
"After you, Lieutenant."
Lost in her thoughts on the way to the bridge, she was barely aware of what they walked past on the way up. Everyone on the bridge looked up when they returned and she smiled sheepishly.
"I'm fine," she promised Harry and Chakotay behind him. "I assume your diagnostics found nothing, Mr. Tuvok."
"Indeed, Captain. The ship is operating at peak efficiency." He studied her serenely. "Mr. Paris had no trouble with your condition?"
"Nothing serious," she promised him. Her palms were starting to sweat as she looked at Chakotay. "Well, Commander, should we start crew evaluations early?" She retreated into the ready room before he had a chance to make her explain herself further.
Tom slid back into his place at the helm with a smile to the ensign he was replacing. He made a couple of minor adjustments, then satisfied, turned to grin at Harry. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, keeping a straight face, but there was no way he'd betray the captain's confidence, and if he didn't turn around Harry would know something was up.
He hoped she'd tell Chakotay sooner rather than later. She deserved the support and there was no way the big guy was going to be anything less than thrilled. Plus he might be able to spin it in a way that let her see it for the good news it really was. Shaking his head, Tom grinned again, keeping his head down. A baby on Voyager. That was really something.