Chapter Text
music in the making
Today 2:13 AM
ming:
hyung?
are you up?
hong:
hey babe
yeah i am
ming:
can i spend the night with you?
hong:
oh of course you can
i’ll leave my door unlocked, just come on in
is everything okay?
ming:
not really
i just need company right now
hong:
one of these nights, baby?
ming:
yeah i guess
hong:
come on, i’ll cuddle you
ming:
okay
~
powerpuff bottoms
Today 9:34 AM
buttercup:
DAMN
i can't believe i owe yeosang twenty bucks smh
bubbles:
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
blossom:
um
for what😂
buttercup:
we were guessing who would get together next
and sangie said u and joong
smh
I WAS THINKING SAN AND JONGHO
blossom:
LMAOOOO
YOU BET ON ME AND HONGJOONG????
bubbles:
please y’all have been in love for like
forever
buttercup:
FOR REAL
LIKE HONESTLY I THOUGHT YALL WOULD START DATING LIKE TWO YEARS AGO
TOOK U LONG ENOUGH
blossom:
😂😂 well we’re dumbasses so
buttercup:
LMAO SO TRUE
well
whos next tho😈
blossom:
LMAOOO
honestly??
i’m betting jongho and yunho
bubbles:
pfft
honestly i see it
but i dunno
i feel like something’s cooking between wooyoung and mingi😚
buttercup:
i mean
hey i would kiss that man rn if he asked so
blossom:
😂😂
man
mingis been avoiding me all week
i feel bad
bubbles:
oh :(
think he’s still blaming himself for what happened to you?
blossom:
i dont think so i know so
i just wanna tell him i dont blame him one bit but he's not responding to my texts and every time he sees me he freaks out and runs the other way
buttercup:
yeah he really isnt the confrontational type😭
blossom:
i just miss him😭
bubbles:
you know
call me crazy but
mingi hasn't been himself lately, right?
buttercup:
nah ure not crazy
i noticed it too
it was more obvious when we were on break
he just seems a lot more like the mingi we first met
blossom:
yeah i think he’s been struggling a bit lately
but he did say he’s starting therapy so hopefully that helps
buttercup:
oh yeah he did
hopefully it does
i hate seeing him all sad 😭
bubbles:
for real
i want to give him the whole world
blossom:
fucking SAME
hes too pure
he has my whole heart 😭😭
buttercup:
lmao RIGHT
like i love him sm
i would do anything for mingi🥺
bubbles:
we all would😂
~
it’s only four inches
Today 10:39 AM
shorter:
hey
u notice anything different about mingi?
taller:
if ure asking if i noticed hes been more depressed lately, yeah
im worried but he keeps telling me hes fine
and i dont want to push him into talking
but im pretty sure hes also still blaming himself about hwa
shorter:
yeah me too
i think he relapsed
taller:
what
wait
what do you mean
shorter:
he texted me last night asking to spend the night with me
he seemed really upset
and when he was getting up to leave this morning his shirt went up
it was just a flash but i know i saw red lines
taller:
oh shit
now it makes sense
usually when we cuddle i like to stick my hand under his shirt
but these past couple weeks he’s been pushing my hand away every time
and i was thinking maybe he’s just feeling a little more insecure than usual
but now i know why
fuck
so what should we do
shorter:
i don't know
i don't want to go around telling the others behind his back
but i also don't want him to do that again
but i don't know what to do other than just confront him about it but
well, you know mingi
taller:
yeah, he’ll shut down before we even have a chance
fuck
well, we’re gonna have to get him to admit it to us
its the only way
shorter:
but how
taller:
i think seonghwa has to talk to him
not about the relapse, but maybe addressing his guilt could help him to open up a little
but the thing is, hes been avoiding them
shorter:
really?
taller:
yeah
hwa has been trying to talk to him but he just clams up and runs away
or doesn't respond to their messages
shorter:
damn
so we need to get the two of them together somehow
taller:
but how if mingi wont even leave his room😭
shorter:
i might have an idea
can u tell hwa to come to my dorm?
taller:
yeah i can
~
music in the making
Today 10:50 AM
hong:
hey baby
i got this track i need another pair of ears on
wanna come by?
ming:
yeah sure
~
Mingi pauses in the door when he sees Seonghwa sitting on Hongjoong’s bed, eyes darting between the two elders.
“Hongjoong-”
“Mingi, just… Talk to them for a minute, yeah? I’m just gonna go… Say hi to San,” he smiles softly, planting a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek.
Mingi looks at Seonghwa for a moment, and then directs his gaze to the ground, unsure of what to say.
“Come here, sweetheart,” Seonghwa pats the spot next to them, Mingi not moving for a second, but then he makes his way over, taking a seat.
“Can you tell me why exactly you’ve been avoiding me?” Their tone was calm, gentle. Not accusing, not judging, just friendly and kind. And yet Mingi was still thrumming with anxiety, clear in the way he’s unable to stop fidgeting with his sleeves, unable to take his eyes off the ground.
“You know why,” Mingi murmured, gaze fixated on his hands.
“I think it’s a little more than that, am I right?” Mingi looks over at Seonghwa, the elder feeling their heart sink at the broken look in Mingi’s eyes. He sighs softly, nodding.
“When you got hurt, It… It reminded me of my mom.”
“Baby,” Seonghwa frowned, “you know that accident wasn't your fault, and neither was me falling. You did nothing to cause them.”
“But I could've prevented them,” Mingi laments frustratedly. “ I could've just told my parents I wanted to stay home instead, and I could've just waited until we were down the stairs to show you that video. She could still be alive, and you wouldn't be sitting here with a cast on your arm. I just keep hurting the people I love,” the dancer’s voice cracks, and he sinks into himself, head drooping low as he wraps his arms around himself.
Seonghwa grimaces, scooting closer to Mingi. The elder attempts to get Mingi to look them in the eye, but still, the dancer refuses, determined not to take his eyes off the ground. “Sweetheart, you haven't hurt anyone. Did you get drunk and get behind the wheel that night?”
“Well, no but-”
“And did you push me down those stairs?”
“What?” Mingi exclaimed, eyes widening as he looks at Seonghwa. “ Of course I didn’t, what-”
“So how are you responsible?”
Mingi pauses for a moment, mind starting to falter as he realizes where Seonghwa was going with this. “Well, we wouldn’t have been on that road if I hadn't begged to go to that carnival. And you wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't distracted you.”
“Did you do these things knowing what would happen?”
“Well, no. But I should've-”
“So tell me again, how are you responsible?”
“I…” Mingi deflates, Seonghwa cooing softly as they wrap their arm around the other.
“You’re upset, Mingi, I know. And that’s okay. It’s a feeling we can't help sometimes, especially when we’re faced with situations like these. But I can't help but think that this guilt you’re feeling, it’s only you trying to find an excuse to be harsh on yourself. And I’m not trying to diagnose you, or assume, or anything like that, but I think there’s something deeper, something else going on that is making your precious mind hellbent on taking the blame for everything. Because I know you know that none of this is your fault. Not your mom, not me. So can you tell me what’s really going on, sweetheart?” Seonghwa hooks their finger under Mingi’s chin, forcing him to look up at them. “Please? I hate seeing you like this.”
“I…” Mingi stutters, stumbling to find the words to say, to prove his point, but all he could do was break down into tears. Seonghwa immediately pulled him close, whispering tender words of comfort into his ear as they stroked his hair.
“I don’t know. I… I don’t know what’s going on with me,” he admits, sniffling as he wipes his tears. “At first, I just, I thought I was just falling into a rut, another depressive episode, but…”
Seonghwa nods, understanding. “Hmm, you’re having one of those rock bottom moments, aren’t you?”
“That obvious?” Mingi laughs weakly, resting his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder.
“Well, it’s kind of hard not to notice when the sun is setting,” Seonghwa chuckles, “and you’ve been setting quite a lot lately.”
Mingi’s cheeks flushed at the comparison, a barely there smile creeping its way onto his face. “Yeah, Yunho’s already tried talking to me about it, but I just…”
The elder hums, intertwining their hands. “It’s a hard thing to be vulnerable. It’s even harder when it’s to someone you love and care for deeply, because there's always that fear that they'll treat you differently, or that how they see you will change. But I want you to know that nothing could ever change how much we love you. How much we care about you. We’re all only here to help and support you, Mingi. We want to be your shoulder to cry on when you need it.”
“But how can I even talk about it if I don’t know what’s going on? I just feel so stupid, like, it’s my own brain, my own emotions, and yet, I don't even fucking know what to make of it, or how to fix it.”
“It’s not stupid,” Seonghwa shakes their head. “That’s just how our brains can be sometimes, and it may feel like it’s all in our heads or we’re making something out of nothing, but that’s far from it. But you can figure it out. And you don't have to do it alone. There’s resources all around you, there’s therapy, there’s professionals, there’s us. You figure it out, and then you work through it. That’s how you get better, baby, not taking every little scenario and using them to fuel all these negative things you feel about yourself.”
“I, I guess you’re right,” Mingi sniffles, nodding. “I just gotta figure things out.”
“You will,” the elder smiles. “You did so well bouncing back from your father, I don’t doubt one bit that you’ll bounce back from this too. You’re strong, Mingi, you’re so goddamn strong, even if you don't think it.”
“I don't feel it,” Mingi sighs.
“Then fake it ‘til you make it. Convince yourself that you are, and before you know it, you’ll start believing it too.”
“You’re not gonna tell me to do these daily affirmations that Wooyoung’s been trying to get us to do, are you?” Mingi questions amusedly, the two laughing as Seonghwa shakes their head.
“God no. At this point, I already know the first text I get every morning is him asking if I’ve called myself a sexy motherfucker in the mirror yet.”
“9 o’clock, on the dot,” Mingi laughs softly, “I think he has an alarm set to remind us.”
“Oh he does, I’ve seen it go off.”
“Of course,” Mingi laughs. They grow silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company, snuggled close with their fingers interlaced.
“My first appointment is tomorrow,” Mingi sniffs, breaking the silence. “Um, for therapy.”
“Yeah?” The elder smiles softly. “Nervous?”
“A little. I’m…” Mingi laughs weakly, “I’m not really good at the whole opening up thing, if you couldn't tell.”
“Well, you don't have to spill everything right away. Let yourself get comfortable first. I mean, Hongjoong told me it took him three sessions before he actually really got anywhere with his therapist.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Just because they're licensed and trained to listen to your problems doesn't mean that it’s always gonna be easy from the get go, especially if, like you said, you have a hard time talking about things.”
“Yeah… But I know I need this, so… I want to try.”
“Now see, that’s exactly what makes you so strong, baby.”
“What, admitting I’m fucked in the head and I need someone else to tell me why I’m fucked in the head?” Mingi jokes, Seonghwa only huffing as they playfully shoved the dancer.
“No. Realizing that you need help, and seeking out that help. Not a lot of people can do that, Mingi. So many people view needing help as a sign of weakness, when really, it takes a lot of strength and courage to even admit you’re struggling in the first place.”
“Hmm… Yeah, maybe you’re, maybe you’re right.”
“I’m always right,” Seonghwa grins, looking proud of themselves. Mingi just laughs, nodding.
“Yeah, can’t really argue with that.”
~
matz <3
Today 12:45 PM
hwa <3:
you can come back now 🫶🏻
joong <3:
ahh
i’m kind of caught up in something right now actually
hwa <3:
🤨
🙄
who
joong <3:
what do u mean who-
hwa <3:
please i know you😂
joong <3:
…
LISTEN WOOYOUNG CAME ONTO ME-
hwa <3:
of course😂
oh well, i get to spend more time alone with my favorite child😚
have fun😂😂😂
~
eight is fate
Today 4:35 PM
our real baby:
you guys wanna do kbbq tonight?
i’m baby:
DO U EVEN HAVE TO ASK
literal angel:
fuck yes???
father:
duuuuuuuh
hot mountain:
don't gotta ask me twice 🤩
baby bear:
i am always down for kbbq
i’m baby:
fucking same man
our real baby:
😂😂
yeah i just wanted to spend some time with u guys :]
i'm baby:
OH🥹🥹🥹
MINGI U DONT NEED TO USE KBBQ AS AN EXCUSE WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH U
literal angel:
EXACTLY
our real baby:
🥺
mother:
lmao the hongjoong “i want attention” face tho
father:
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
:]
i’m baby:
LMAOOO
they literally just started dating and now theyre already turning into each other😂
our real baby:
😂😂😂😂
hey it’s a cute face i like it
father:
u got a cute face
i like it😋
our real baby:
omg 😂😂
puppy:
pfft
so true tho
~
pew pew (into your heart)
Today 8:35 PM
spider man:
thank you
mj:
for what?
spider man:
mingi
he was smiling a lot more tonight
mj:
ah yes he was
no need to thank me tho😂
spider man:
just let me
u do so much and u barely let anyone give u credit or recognition
or ask for anything in return
mj:
i really dont need anything though 😂
spider man:
i know u dont
lil miss independent 😂
but it makes me feel better knowing that u know that ure appreciated
mj:
😂😂😂
mhm i know what youre trying to do
its not gonna work😂
spider man:
ONE DAY
U WILL LET ME LOVE U THE WAY U DESERVE TO BE😤
mj:
have fun waiting for that day😘
spider man:
🙃🙃🙃🙃
one day