Chapter Text
Martha Says:
"I have done nothing wrong."
So. Jared's a pretty successful guy. Actually, he's the shit, he turned thirty just two weeks ago, and today he made partner.
The prestigious New England law firm Morgan Kane & Murray will, from this day on, be known as Morgan Kane Murray & Padalecki. Yeah, barely thirty and already a partner. So Jared's the shit; he's also kind of a shit, seeing as he just told Jensen, his partner of twelve years, that he thought it would be a good idea for them to separate for a while.
Now, let's not get confused here. He's not one of those asshole men who use a person for years and years, and then the minute he gets a bit successful and trades them in for a newer, younger model, he's not. No, this is for Jensen. It's just Jared's life revolved around his education and then, when finished at twenty-five, about making partner. Some would say that setting a goal to make partner in less than five years is madness, it is, but Jared's always been an overachiever, and he always achieves.
But, back to Jensen. So, Jared's life has been all about success, and now he has it, and he's just realized that Jensen has none. The focus has always been on Jared, and all Jensen has done with his life for the past five years is manage to get addicted to Martha Stewart, and not just the show, the magazine, the books, the stuff, everything.
So, tonight at dinner, Jared presented the idea that maybe they should separate for a while to let Jensen "find himself" and figure out what he wants from life. Clearly, he must want to do something more with his time than watch Martha Stewart. Jensen didn't take it very well, judging by the way he packed a bag in record time and stormed out.
So, it all got a bit dramatic. But Jared's sure that in time, Jensen will thank him for this. Honestly, though, a man's gotta do something more with his life than sit around watching TV all day.
It takes about twelve hours for Jared to realize that maybe, just maybe, Jensen's been doing a little bit more than watching TV. The distinct lack of breakfast on the table when Jared gets up the next morning is his first clue. So is the empty lunchbox on the counter; Jared usually takes lunch with him to work, but hey, finally, he'll be able to eat in the café around the corner with everyone else and not be a dork who's trying to save money by bringing his own lunch.
The joy of finally being able to eat in the café lasts until, well, he actually eats there. The lunch alternatives consist of some brown, slightly burnt, flat thing with a spongy kind of whitish... stuff, which after reading the blackboard, Jared comes to realize is supposed to be a hamburger.
Other tantalizing options are pre-packaged tuna salad and what is supposed to be some kind of pasta with cheese sauce but looks more like the end of a night of too heavy drinking. For dessert, there's a florescent yellow jelly thingy and brownies that Jared is too afraid to try considering the sound one of them made when the guy in front of him dropped his on the floor (and then picked it up and ate it! Gross!).
It's also around this time that Jared, for the first time ever, has to face the reality that the quality of food he's been enjoying for the past twelve years is not the common standard, as well as the fact that Jensen, most likely, is one hell of a cook.
Apparently, not everyone gets homemade spinach pasta with a cream and bacon sauce, where the bacon has been bought at the local butchers and the rest of the ingredients at the farmer's market for their "everyday" dinner.
So food. That's his first clue into the fact that Jensen just might be a little more awesome than Jared's been giving him credit for. And because this is Jared, who eats a lot, it's a pretty substantial clue!
His second clue is also food related. It's Monday. Mondays are cookie days. Mainly meaning that Jared takes the big tin jar standing on the kitchen counter and brings it with him to work, leaving it in the break room. The tin jar is always filled to the brim with these big, crispy cookies stuffed full of chocolate chips and nuts and other amazing stuff, and are so damn good people are actually standing in line when Jared comes to work on Monday mornings. In fact, these cookies are so amazing Jared suspects that they might have played a crucial role in him making partner.
So it's Monday, and there are no cookies. The jar is there, but it's empty. Now, Jared's just made partner. So he can take the angry looks from his co-workers; after all, he's been bringing cookies for five freaking years. Let someone else buy cookies for once.
But when evening comes, and Jared's been to three different grocery stores, and he can't find his cookies, he begins to feel a bit uneasy. What if he’s never able to find the cookies? What if Jensen's been buying them at some secret location? Jared forces himself to think positive thoughts and does as he has to.
He calls Jensen. Of course, it takes a while for him to answer. Jensen's probably still a bit upset, maybe a little more than a bit, considering that he doesn't pick up until Jared's twentieth call.
"What!?!"
The tone of Jensen's voice should really deter him from taking this call any longer, but this is Jared, and... yeah, this is Jared.
"Hi!" So Jensen might not be all that thrilled about Jared's call, but it's still important to stay positive.
"What do you want!?!"
You know the thing is - Jared gets that Jensen's a bit perplexed and annoyed with this situation. It's scary having to think about your future and taking charge of your life, but really, this rudeness is so uncalled for. But still, Jared's determined to be the bigger person in all this.
"So, how have you been?” See, pleasant; it's really not all that hard.
"Just spit it out, Jared!"
Jensen obviously disagrees; they'll have to work on that. But for the moment, they have more pressing matters to discuss.
"So about the cookies..."
"Cookies! You're calling me about freaking cookies. You fucker!"
The click and then the disconnect tone in his ear are quite a surprise, as well as Jensen's new vocabulary.
Jensen is probably the least offensive person Jared's ever met; Jared's never, in the twelve years they've been together, heard him curse. So yeah, Jensen might just be a little bit upset. It takes twenty or so more phone calls for Jensen to finally pick up again.
"Jared, just stop." This time he doesn't sound angry, just tired. It's the tone he gets when they've been discussing something, and Jared knows he's close to winning.
"Listen, Jensen, all I want to know is where you buy the cookies because I've been all over, and I can't find them." Jensen sighs, and yes, Jared's won.
"What cookies?"
What cookies? What cookies? How can he even ask him that? What other cookies are there!?!
"The Monday cookies, the ones I bring to work, the ones I live for Jensen! I can't find them!"
The phone goes quiet for a few moments before Jared can hear Jensen sigh and then say in a quiet voice.
"That's because I bake them, Jared." And then the line goes dead.
So that was kind of a shocking revelation. Not only does Jensen bake, but he also bakes the most amazing cookies known to man. So yeah, the second clue to the fact that Jared just might be a shit and an idiot, is a pretty big one as well.
The third clue that Jared just might be a shit and an idiot comes about two weeks later. Jared, in a rage over not finding his favorite "power suit", scrapes his knees when he trips over the piles of dirty clothes in the hallway. Next, he almost throws up when instead of milk, he gets sour lumps in his mouth when taking a swig right out of the carton and calls Jensen again.
"What, Jared?"
At least Jensen's picking up on the first call, so progress is clearly being made. But that's still so not the issue right now.
"Jensen, what the hell? Fine. You're angry with me, and you're not in a place where you can see that I'm doing all this for you! But how can you be so childish as to cancel our maid, grocery delivery, and our laundry service!?!"
Honestly though? What kind of person does that?
"Are you for real?" Jensen sounds furious, but Jared is just as angry. "We don't have a maid, we don't get our groceries delivered, and we don't have a fudging laundry service, Jared; we never did!"
"Really, then how the hell has our house always been so clean, why has the fridge always been stocked, and how come I never had any problems finding my suits up until you left?"
"Because I cleaned it. Because I went shopping. Because I went to the freaking dry cleaners and did all our other laundry, Jared!"
Jared's pre-thought-out snappy remark dies on his tongue; he so did not expect that..."Oh."
"Oh? You suck, Jared."
So at the end of that particular phone call, Jared's forced to reach the conclusion that yes, he probably is a shit and an idiot and a self-absorbed dick, who's been so wrapped up in himself that he's not even noticed that Jensen's basically been Mr. Homemaker of the year, for twelve consecutive years.
But, just to be sure, he is a lawyer after all, and evidence is everything, so he sends off a text message just to be sure.
What about Florist? Personal shopper? Interior decorator? Car washing... person?
Jensen's reply is short but clear: "NO"
Ok, so Jared definitely is a shit and an idiot and a self-absorbed dick.
Case closed.