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"Berry!" Blaine yelps as he tumbles through the Tardis doors. "Berry, Berry, Berry!" Kurt considers telling him that he hasn't actually met Rachel yet, but the look of horror on her face as Blaine barrels toward her is too hilarious.
"Look here, mister," Rachel says, smacking Blaine on top of the head. "My boyfriend is right there, and he's big, and he doesn't take kindly to people mauling me!"
"Yeah!" Finn says, straightening up his deplorable posture to stare down at Blaine. Very, very far down. "Wait," he says. "You're not like an evil space alien who can kill me, right? Because in that case, you can maul her all you-- oww!" Finn yelps, when Rachel turns her slaps on him.
"You haven't met her yet, Blaine," Kurt says when Rachel gets a vicious glint in her eye that's a little scary.
"Oh!" Blaine says. "My mistake, sorry. Things can get a bit confusing sometimes. I'm Blaine, nice to meet you!" Rachel stares at him with narrowed eyes for a second before slowly extending her hand.
"I'm--"
"Rachel Berry! Grew up in Lima, Ohio to become one of broadway's biggest--"
"Ahem," Kurt says pointedly, shooting Blaine a glare.
"Broadway's biggest what?" Rachel asks, grabbing onto Blaine's lapels. "Broadway's biggest what?"
"Spoilers!" Blaine says, patting her cheek and stepping around her to lounge against the Tardis console in a way that Kurt has asked him not to at least 87 times now, depending on where exactly they are in each other's particular time streams.
"Would you get off the console already, before you--" Kurt's cut off by a loud siren starting up as a hissing noise fills the Tardis.
"Oops," Blaine says, jumping up. "That probably wasn't anything important, right?"
"Oh no," Kurt says, "nothing important at all! You've just sealed us all inside of the Tardis for eternity, nothing to worry about."
"Right, see, nothing to-- wait. Eternity?" Blaine asks, his face blanching. "Eternity like... forever eternity?"
"No, the other kind," Kurt says. "The kind of eternity that's not eternal at all, and is in fact just for a second!"
"Oh, thank goodness!" Blaine and Rachel both sigh at the same time.
"I was kidding, you imbeciles," Kurt groans, turning to the console and poking a few buttons. Sometimes it works, poking buttons, other times it-- "Oops," Kurt says, as the flashing red light changes to blue.
"Oops?" Rachel asks, her voice getting hysterical. "What oops?"
"I've shut down the internal heat regulators, which means we'll freeze to death in the vacuum of space," Kurt says quickly. Blaine, Finn, and Rachel all stare at him with the same incredulous eyes. Must be a human thing, he figures. "On the plus side, we won't have to spend an eternity in the Tardis because we'll all be frozen in about four hours or so?" he tries. There's always a bright side.
"Fix it," Rachel says, advancing on him with her finger out. "You fix it right now. You told me you'd have me home tomorrow in time to perform at the hot air balloon festival and--"
"Oooh!" Blaine says. "Not the 2011 Lima, Ohio Hot Air Balloon Festival? It can't be, that would just be too perfect!"
"Yes," Rachel says, turning on him. "Why, what happens?"
"Nothing," Blaine says, his eyes going big as he shakes his head. Kurt can tell right as he's about to crack, because he starts chewing on his bottom lip and vibrating with excitement. "You certainly don't sneak onto a balloon to perform Defying Gravity and get swept away, leading police on a cross-state hot air balloon chase, that does not happen," he says, slapping a hand over his mouth as soon as he's done. "Oh, spoilers," he says sadly to himself.
"Wait," Rachel says, her eyes lighting up. "Am I on the news? Does it go national? Do people fear for my life and then celebrate my triumphant return, possibly in song?"
"Uh, guys?" Finn says. "Shouldn't we maybe be focusing on the whole freezing to death thing?"
"Right you are!" Kurt says, turning back to the console. "Now, come along, Blaine, and chop-chop, Berries! This is going to take some serious jiggery pokery."
"That's not, like, space code, is it?" Finn asks nervously. "You're not going to probe me, are you?"
"No, Finn," Kurt sighs. "I'm not going to probe you."
"I make no such promises," Blaine says, waggling his eyebrows in Finn's direction. "After all, body heat is the best way to stay warm."
"Yes, well, let's hope it doesn't come to that," Kurt says, motioning Finn over to his side just to be safe. "Now, let's get on with it, shall we? Rule #67 of time travel: never accept defeat even when defeat is imminent!"
"That doesn't really make sense," Rachel says.
"Neither do those shoes with that dress, but I've been very polite in not pointing that out," Kurt says. "Now, if you will, hand me that dohickey while Finn twists the thingamabob. Blaine, you're on rubber chicken duty."