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"Oh no," Brittany says, as the elevator grinds to a halt somewhere between the 32nd and 33rd floors of their hotel. "Does this mean I'm pregnant?"
"...what?" Kurt asks, squinting at her. There's just no possible way that can make sense, even in Brittany-Land.
"I watch a lot of Saved By The Bell reruns and in one episode they got stuck in an elevator and Zack had to deliver Mrs. Belding's baby," she says, like it makes perfect sense.
"No, Brittany," he says, patting her arm. "No. No one will be having any babies, I promise."
"Cool," Brittany says, turning around to fuss with her hair in the mirrored back wall of the elevator. "I think Lord Tubbington would resent me if I came home from New York with a baby."
"And we can't have that," Kurt says, pressing the emergency open button with no success. He pops open the door for the phone and pulls it out, reading the instructions.
"Who are you calling?" Brittany asks.
"The front desk, so they can get us out of here," Kurt says.
"Can you ask them to bring me a burger?" Brittany asks. "I'm really hungry."
"Let's not divide their attention, okay?" Kurt says. "First, our freedom. Then, your burger."
"Fine," Brittany says, plopping down to the floor. "But they'd better hurry up, because you smell like cake and it's making me even hungrier."
Kurt makes a mental note to throw out his Kiehl's vanilla lip balm and sighs in relief when the concierge picks up the phone. "How can I help you?"
"Yes, my friend and I are stuck in the middle elevator between the 32nd and 33rd floors," he says.
"Oh, yes, that one's been giving us trouble. Please stay calm, ma'am, and we'll send someone to get it working shortly."
"Wonderful," Kurt says, deadpan, as the line goes dead.
"They'll be here soon," Kurt reports, studying the floor before carefully lowering himself to sit beside Brittany.
"Do you remember that time you were my boyfriend?" Brittany asks, cocking her head at him.
"No," Kurt says, scooting away from her as subtly as he can. "No, I don't."
"You're a really good kisser," Brittany says, scooting after him. "If we end up stuck here forever, we should totally date again. That way we can have babies and repopulate the elevator world."
"That's not even how it works," Kurt says, wincing when his voice cracks a little in panic.
"Yes it is," Brittany says. "I know how sex works, I have a lot of it."
"Not the sex, the-- stop talking about sex," Kurt says.
"But I'm bored," Brittany says. He's scooted himself into a corner and Brittany is slowly closing in on him, her hand stroking up his leg to his thigh.
"Brittany, no," Kurt says firmly. "Bad. No."
"Can we at least hold hands?" Brittany asks, her hand worryingly high up on his thigh.
"Maybe later," Kurt says as the elevator jerks to life and starts to climb down again. "Oh thank goodness," he breathes to himself, jumping up and going to the far side of the elevator, away from Brittany.
"Bummer," Brittany says. "I was really looking forward to your soft baby hands again."
"Think of it this way," Kurt says as the doors start to slide open. "Now you can get that burger."
"It won't be the same," Brittany says sadly, blowing him a kiss as Kurt hurries out of the elevator doors.