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A few months after the third attempt Niall was staring to feel like he was drowning again. And even though the other boys had made it very clear that he could come to them it still felt meaningless. Like they were just doing what they felt like they had to do. They didn’t really care. He was just an extra that was unneeded on the set of everyone’s life.
Zayn found him that time. He was in the bathtub limp, and covered in his own blood. The only thought in Zayn’s head was that he was too late and that his beautiful boy was already gone. Luckily he wasn’t and they were able to get him to the hospital quick enough that he would be alright.
Liam put his fist through a wall when Harry called him. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! This shit again?” He couldn’t believe that this was happening again.
Safe to say that Liam didn’t go see Niall in the hospital this time. He knew it wouldn’t be good for him to be around the already fragile boy when he was already so mad.
Louis was the one that had to explain to Niall why Liam wasn’t there. “He’s angry.” Niall’s face fell, “Not at you. Just at the situation.”
“That I caused.” Niall deadpanned. Louis couldn’t really lie to him.
“It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine in a little while. You shouldn’t worry about him. I promise he isn’t mad at you.” Louis reassured.
The days after Niall was sent home weren’t any better. He went home and collapsed into his bed and did nothing but sleep (or not sleep) and cut(when no one was watching) for four days.
The fifth day the boys tried getting him up and get him to do something with them, even if it was just playing video games or watching movies. Harry coaxed him out of bed but Niall couldn’t even make it down the stairs without his vision going black. He would’ve tumbled down the stairs if Harry hadn’t of been so close.
He had passed out from the lack of food, sleep, and blood loss. He woke up in the hospital again wondering why he still hadn’t died. Liam was livid, “You aren’t even trying! We’re all running ourselves ragged trying to keep you from killing yourself and you don’t give a shit. Why are we even trying when you’re so damn set on ruining yourself?It’s like you don’t even care about the rest of us.” Louis had to drag Liam out of the hospital room but judging by the look on his face he agreed with everything Liam had said, he just wasn’t going to tell his suicidal friend that. Louis was trying to understand that Niall was sick, he was just having a hard time wrapping his head around it.
“Don’t listen to him ,Ni. He’s just upset.” Harry told him petting down his bottle blonde hair.
“He’s right though. ‘m not even trying.” He gave Harry and Zayn both a small sad smile. “I’ll at least try and be happier this time. I don’t like feeling like this.”
“Oh, Ni.” Zayn’s voice cracked but he refused to cry. Him and harry pulled Niall into a group hug one of them halfway on either side of his hospital bed. “It’s gonna be okay.”
Niall hiccuped on a sob, “I’m just so tired of hating myself.”
They put Niall on antidepressants. Little blue pills he had to take once in the morning and again in the afternoon.
The day Niall was discharged from the hospital the boys took him home and Harry cuddled him up in his bed. Wrapping Niall up in his blankets and pulling his fragile body into his arms. Niall was just so cold, he’d always been that way but it was even worse now. His pale skin cold to the touch in a way that it had never been. If it weren’t for his pulse Harry would wonder if he was even alive anymore.
Zayn had gone to get some food for the three of them so they could try and get Niall to eat something because the only reason the hospital discharged him so early was because they had promised to get Niall to eat and make sure he wasn’t hurting himself. They also had to promise to bring him back if things started looking any worse.
Zayn brought back some kind of weird pizza with chicken on it. Niall didn’t really care what it was. He felt bad about how much work Zayn and Harry were putting into this that, once Harry coaxed him into the living room, he just ate what he was given so he wouldn’t disappoint them.
Deep down Niall knew his boys cared about him. It was just hard for him to understand why they would want to. He was nothing. Even once they had turned on a movie and he was sandwiched between them with Harry petting his hair Niall still couldn’t fathom why such perfect, wonderful boys would waste their time on him. Eventually he fell asleep on Zayn’s should with Harry’s fingers still running through his bottle blonde hair.
“I wish he could see how perfect he really is.” Zayn whispered to Harry brushing his fingertips against the sleeping boys cheek.
“You love him. Don’t you?” Harry asked.
“So much there aren’t even words for it.” Zayn responded. Pulling the Irish boy even closer. “I just wish that he could see himself the way that I see him.”