Chapter Text
I couldn’t speak, I couldn't close my mouth or control the devastation on my face. I just stood there in the round table room staring at the man I married, the man I lived with, the man whose baby I was having.
“Y/n, please listen to me. I don’t have time for this. She’s been kidnapped and we have to find her before something happens to her. I love her, Y/n. I’m sorry but it’s true. I love Maeve, and we cannot find her without you.” He’s flapping his hands and hysterical, not considering for a second what this is doing to me. Then it hits me.
“Maeve?! That’s her name?! That’s the name you’ve been whimpering during sex while you were trying to get me pregnant. I can’t…how long?” I realize I just told my coworkers about my sex life, but I’m so overwhelmed, so shocked I just cannot care. I look around the room, desperately seeking something from someone, anything. No one is looking at me, but they also aren’t looking at Spencer.
“It doesn’t matter how long.” Spencer replies, and he could not be more wrong.
“I beg to differ! It’s been over a year, hasn’t it? Oh god, you never stopped having sex with me even though you were with another woman?! You climbed on top of me and lied about wanting me and pictured your precious Maeve every time so you could stomach it. I thought you were saying something like May or Maybe, May it take this time, may this be the time we get pregnant. You pretended to want a family with me all while you were falling in love with another woman. I can’t stand being in here. I’m going to throw up.” My hands grab the table in front of me and my vision starts swimming and fading to black. Instinctively Hotch and Morgan grab me to hold me up and gently lower me into the chair. I reach my hand out and ask for the trash can where I promptly lose my breakfast. Spencer says nothing to refute anything I’ve said. In fact he doesn’t even appear remorseful for what he’s done. Who am I married to? Who is this man that has had a year long affair with some woman he met somewhere. Oh my god, is she clean? Is he still clean? What if they’ve infected this baby somehow. I haven’t told anyone, including Spencer, that I’m pregnant. I need out. I need to leave. I need to move to the other side of the country. I need to terminate this pregnancy. I don’t want to be connected to him in any way. I refuse to co-parent with someone who never thought twice about hurting me.
As my thoughts continue to run a thousand miles a minute I cannot look up from this trash can. All I can squeak out is “why on earth do I need to be involved in this case? Is this not considered a conflict of interest? Does no one here think it’s more than a little fucked up that my husband is asking me to find his mistress for him so he can run off and live happily ever after with her? Is no one thinking about how this affects me? How could anyone ask this of me?” At this I raise my eyes and glance around the room. No one is looking at me, or Spencer for that matter. Everyone is suddenly very interested in the table, the carpet, the blinds, their folders, anything to not look at me, or the man that broke me.
“You’re part of this team. That’s why we need you. Are you really so petty that you’d let her die just because I love her?” Spencer stares me down as he says this. He’s never looked at me so aggressively before. How was I so blind as to not see the change in him?
“That’s enough Reid! I get you’re hurting but if you don’t start showing some respect to your wife we’re gonna have some issues.” My neck snaps to my right to see Morgan staring Spencer down, for me. God this is so fucked up. Then Hotch clears his throat.
“Y/n, we need the whole team on this, time is critical. Having said that, I know how difficult this must be for you. I promise you won’t be working directly with Reid, and you only report to me. He cannot come to you demanding information and updates. Afterwards, as your friend, I will help you in any way I can to move past this and heal.” I’m absolutely floored at Hotch’s support. He’s usually so stoic, but he knows what I’m going through. Hailey did the same thing to him. I look at him and see nothing but truth in his eyes, so I nod. Spencer immediately leaves the room. To be honest I don’t know if he’s going to try and get a geographical profile going, or getting away from me because the consequences of his actions have shown him to be a liar and a cheater.
I look Hotch in the eye and say, “I’ll help with this case, but afterwards I’m going to need two weeks off, at least. I have a lot to take care of, and not a lot of time to do it.” I know I’ll need to talk to him about all of this at some point. I’m also going to have to tell him about the abortion I’m going to have, as it will leave me with some physical limitations for a bit. I don’t want anyone but Hotch to know about this pregnancy. He’s the only one I can trust not to tell Spencer. Everyone is closer with Spencer, even though he’s only been on the team a year longer than me. The biggest truth I see now is who I can turn to and who I can’t on this team. Derek was the only one to say anything to Spencer. What’s being asked of me is unfair, bordering on unethical. What, am I supposed to find the kidnapper, lock them up, and then deliver the love of his life to his arms?
I shake my head to clear my thoughts, I cannot cry here. It’s bad enough I threw up in front of the entire team, and even worse that I brought up my sex life in front of all of them. I look at Hotch and ask him what it is he wants me to do, and he suggests we go talk to Maeve’s ex-boyfriend and see if we can get any answers. He informs me Spencer is a liability in that situation, and is staying at the office while we go. It helps immensely that Spencer won’t be there. I may be able to compartmentalize this case as long as I don’t have to deal with him the whole time. I excuse myself to the bathroom to rinse my mouth, and then we’re down the elevator and out the door.
When we arrive at Bobby Putnam’s apartment we’re greeted by a bubbly woman and a man who looks a little worse for the wear. Hotch decides to interview him, and I start checking the halls and entry to the building. The bubbly woman walks over to me and says hello. I’m polite back, but am not giving her my attention as I’m busy. She opens her mouth and I’m caught off guard. “So you’re a doctor like doctor Reid, right?” I freeze. How does she know who Spencer is?
“Do you know Dr. Reid?” I ask calmly. She stammers, a lot of umms, and wells, but she can’t tell me how she knows him or knows about him. I immediately text Hotch while she changes the subject to how she was studying neurobiology. I text Hotch that as well, Spencer isn’t in the building, and neurobiology could be a link between this woman and the victim. “Can I get your name, please? We’ll be looking at anyone who was or is close to Mr. Putnam, and I would like to put you on the list so we can rule you out.”
“Diane. Diane Turner. Maybe I should head inside and check on Bobby?” She sounds stressed, her eyes start darting from side to side, and just when I think she’s going to run Hotch walks up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder.
“Why don’t you come down to the office so we can rule you out and you can move on with your day?” Hotch sounds calm, friendly, but there’s an air of authority that causes her to let out a deep breath, drop her head, and say okay. As we’re getting ready to leave with Diane in the backseat I text Garcia and ask her to pull every speck of info on Diane Turner she can find. By the time we roll up to the office she texts me saying she has a dossier for each of us on Diane Turner, and it’s a doozy. We put her in an interrogation room and let her sit for a minute while we go over the information Garcia has provided. I walked into the interrogation room after asking Garcia to check for any new rentals in the areas surrounding Bobby’s apartment, specifically that can be linked to Diane. I don’t know why I know this, but she’s behind it.
I walk calmly into the interrogation room with my dossier and a small smile. “Sorry about all this, we just need to rule everyone out.” She rolls her eyes, then sits straighter and says. “I don’t know anything so there’s no point to this. I should be with Bobby right now.”
I look her in the eye and say, “Well Diane, I understand your concern. There’s just a couple things I need you to clear up for me.” At this my phone pings and Garcia sends an address that was rented in a decrepit warehouse loft building under the name Diane Putnam. I tell her to notify the team, get the warrant, and go. I’ll stay with Diane. “Diane, let’s talk about some things we’ve found. It says here that you were a student of Maeve Donovan, and did not pass her class. Do you want to talk about that?” Diane’s eyes show panic for a second before she says, “She never liked me, so I retook the class with another professor and passed. That’s all there is to it.” As she says this she crosses her arms over her chest and sort of curls in on herself.
“Diane I want to help you but you’ve got to give me a little more to go on than that. You failed her class, records show that you were reprimanded for following her around campus and defacing her office door. You dropped out shortly after that. How long ago did you and Bobby get together?” Her hands are wringing and she’s trying so hard to remain composed while trying to find something to say that will lead me off her trail.
She finally blurts out that I don’t know what I’m talking about and haven’t I ever heard of happenstance? She just happened to meet Bobby, the ex of her former professor who basically ended her academic career, so I switch tactics.
“Tell me what you know about Dr. Reid? You mentioned him at Bobby’s apartment, but he wasn’t there for you to have met him. How long have you known who he is? Are you aware he’s involved with Maeve?” I watch her tighten her grips on her elbows and take a few deep breaths in through her nose.
“I don’t know Dr. Reid. Someone must have mentioned him. Also if Maeve had a stalker, why get involved with someone?” I smile softly at her and continue to press.
“You and I both know that no one mentioned Dr. Reid. Additionally no one ever mentioned Maeve was being stalked. Where did you get that information? I know it wasn’t from Bobby because we are the ones who told him after you walked out of the apartment. I need you to understand, if you come clean now and Maeve lives, it will be much better for you. If we have to dig and find all your personal secrets to unravel this crime, we will. That’s what we do. We’re the ones that they call in for this exact scenario. And there is no one as good at it as this team. It’s time to be honest, Diane. It’s time for you to think about the future you’re facing, and how we can help you if you help us.” She’s shaking, her eyes are so wide I can’t even imagine what is running through her head. At this point my phone vibrates and I check it. Hotch is letting me know they have a warrant for the loft and are heading out right now. I’m to stay with Diane while they go check the loft. I have never felt more relief than in this moment. Not only do I not have to be in the same car as Spencer, but I also don’t have to see Maeve’s face, or the way he will treat her when he frees her.
“Diane I’m going to be frank with you. You do not have a lot of time before we cannot help you. We’ve found the warehouse loft in your name. My team has a warrant and they are headed there now. If you want to help yourself in any way I need you to talk to me.” I set my pen down and look at her, staring at her until she looks me in the eyes.
“I guess you want me to say how sorry I am, and how it all just got out of hand. I’m not sorry. She dismissed my valid research, refused to let me study suicide and it’s effects. She made something up about my research not being complete and that she couldn’t support something that isn’t rooted in existing science. But the worst part was how she knew I was in a fragile state and went ahead and destroyed my life. I decided I was going to give her a taste of her own medicine. So I started stalking her, sending her emails and letters and calling her. She couldn’t get the cops to help her, I covered my tracks pretty well, Then she left Bobby, I knew it was for his safety, but she told him she didn’t love him anymore. It was so easy to insinuate myself into his life. I knew he’d always have a special place for Maeve, but I didn’t care, because I had what she didn’t. It didn’t take me long after Dr. Reid and Maeve started communicating to realize who he was, and what was going on. And I lucked out, because she agreed to go meet him for dinner in public. She hadn’t left her house in ages. So I followed her to the restaurant. Dr. Reid then called her and told her her stalker was in the restaurant and she shouldn’t come in. I thought he was on to me, but then I saw he was looking at Bobby. Apparently Bobby got wind of where she was going to be somehow and he was there. Dr. Reid blamed him, and I slipped out the door unnoticed. I saw her getting into a cab and followed her in my car. Once she was out of the cab and paid up she started walking to her building door. I immediately pulled up next to her and got out of the car. I had a taser, so I tasered her and she collapsed. I put her in my backseat and drove her to the loft I rented. She’s been there for days, and she’s probably out of drinking water. I hope she’s dead.” I hadn’t expected half of that to come out of her mouth. I almost feel bad for not reminding her for a second time that she has the right to remain silent, and a right to an attorney, but she declined at the beginning of the interview, so there is no reason to bring it up now. I thank her for the truth and tell her someone will be along shortly to process her. As I open the door of the interrogation room I begin to process what she had to say. Spencer told me he had a meeting a week ago, but he came back later than usual and agitated. How could I be so stupid? How did I not clock the gradual disconnection between us? How would I ever trust him in any capacity ever again? I cannot work with him, he’s a monster to me now. And how do I trust anyone else on the team? They all sat there and stared while he gutted me like a fish and demanded I fix his mess. I have to get out of this place immediately.
The second I close the door of that interrogation room I text Hotch that we recorded a full confession, and let him know I plan to finish my report at home and bring it to him. I let him know I cannot stay and watch Spencer walk through that door with Maeve, and everyone smiling that we saved her. Everyone has their limits. He agrees, and tells me to take my time with the report. He lets me know there will probably be an internal investigation to this case, but he will make sure I don’t have to interact with the team when I come in to be questioned. He also lets me know they found her and she’s going to the hospital for dehydration. I thank him for letting me know and grab most of my stuff from my desk and head to my car.
Sitting in my car, head back, eyes closed, trying to regulate my breath I remember I have to go home. Fuck. Home. His home. Well technically it’s my home since before we got together. When he moved in he gave me $10,000 for renovations and from that point on we shared the bills, but he never asked to be put on the deed of the house, and I never offered. I glance at the clock in the car and see it’s early afternoon. I pick up my phone and call my attorney. We chat for a moment and then I lay it on him. “My husband has cheated, and is leaving me for another woman. Please tell me the best way to give him back the money he gave me for the house and get him out. Then I want to file for divorce citing infidelity on his part.”
“Dr. Y/l/n, I’m so sorry to hear of this turn of events. I’ll initiate the wire transfer through the bank, and I suggest you get a locksmith and change your alarm codes. I’m sure you want all his stuff out of your house, so I suggest you hire a moving company to inventory and pack all his belongings and then deliver them to him, all at his expense.”
I thank him and hang up. Driving home I make two more calls, one to the locksmith and one to the alarm company. As I pull into my garage I see the locksmith coming down the street. I hope he can reprogram my garage door. I exit my vehicle and make it inside just as the doorbell is ringing. I open the door and greet the locksmith.
“Hi, I’m sorry to call you out so urgently, but this is, well, urgent. I need my doors rekeyed, and my garage recoded. Is that something you can do today?” I try and smile but honestly I must look unhinged. I feel unhinged. I feel like taking all of his first editions and burning them in the driveway but then I shake it off. That will only hurt me in the long run. So I decide I’m going to do this as by the books as possible and give him enough wiggle room to fuck himself over. I’m brought back to the situation at hand as the locksmith clears his throat and lets me know it shouldn’t take more than a couple hours. I thank him and let him know I’ll be around the house, and to shout if he needs me. The first thing I do is check my phone. There’s a message from JJ saying Spencer is fine, she just thought I should know. It feels passive aggressive, and I’m not surprised to be honest. In her eyes Spence can do no wrong and this is somehow my fault. I don’t respond. There’s a text from Derek asking if he can come and get some clothes for Spencer and I text back that he is more than welcome as long as he is alone. Dave texted, asking how I’m doing, if I’m okay, if I wouldn’t maybe prefer to stay at his place for a bit. This breaks me. I choke out a sob and the tears just flow. Dave is looking out for me, and it just makes me feel so seen and validated. I have a right to be hurting. I have every right to be upset. And now, I have somewhere to go that doesn’t make me think of Spencer every second. I text him I’m doing some things at the house but I would love to stay with him, and thank him for the offer. I scroll my phone and there are no other messages. Alex and Penelope clearly have nothing to say to me so I can’t focus on that feeling of betrayal. Was I ever really a part of this team?
I walk to my bedroom and pull a suitcase from the closet. I pack carefully and methodically, not wanting to rush and then have nothing to do. Once I have everything I need in the suitcase I head to the front door and see the locksmith has moved on to the patio door, so I take a moment to reprogram the alarm code. I already told the alarm company that Spencer Reid is not to make any changes to the account, nor is he to be given any information. It may have been salty of me, but I let them know he’s an FBI agent, but not to let him bully them. The only way he can get any information from them is with a warrant.
Pretty soon I hear noise in the garage and I panic for a moment before I realize the locksmith is working on the garage opener. Just about the same time someone rings the doorbell. When I pull the door open Derek is standing on my stoop awkwardly. I try to smile at him but he must see everything on my face and he pulls me into a hug that I don’t realize I need. I don’t know how long we stand like that on my stoop, but I can tell you it is life giving. He pulls back and places his hands on my shoulders.
“Y/n, I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what to do for you, and I don’t know what to do about him. But I thought if I offered to go get his clothes it would be a reminder to him that he better not show his face here, and so he agreed. I think he was upset at the realization he could not bring Maeve to his home.” This doesn’t surprise me. For all the genius level intuition he is still sometimes completely oblivious to what is right in front of him.
“Derek I really appreciate that. I’ve packed a bag and I’m going to stay with Rossi, but you can go ahead and let him know that I changed the locks and the alarm code, so he can’t get in. I’ll have all of his possessions packed and inventoried by professionals, and sent to a storage unit he can pay for. He’s going to pay for all of it, but I will arrange it. There is no reason for him to ever darken my doorstep again.” I say this firmly because I cannot have any confusion surrounding this situation. Derek nods and steps inside, and as I close the door he heads to the bedroom to pack Spencer’s things. I leave him to it and start looking around the house for anything else I might need while at Dave’s. The locksmith pops in and tells me he’s all done, and hands me two new garage door openers. I thank him and walk him out. Just then Derek comes downstairs with a suitcase and a duffel bag. He looks at me and scuffs the toe of his shoe on the floor while trying to come up with anything to say to me that might help.
“It’s okay, Derek. I know he’s a brother to you. I don’t expect you to take sides, especially not mine. I just really appreciate what you’ve done for me today and I hope we can remain friends.” Derek looks at me with relief, and also confusion. I can tell he wants to ask what my plans are, because it sounds a lot like we won’t be seeing each other at work, but I don’t have an answer to give him, and he can’t find it in him to ask, anyway. I watch him walk out of my house and get into his truck and drive away. I walk through the house, turning on a few lights so it doesn’t look deserted, grab my suitcase, purse, and work files, and walk out to the garage to load the car and leave. I don’t know what I’m going to say to Dave. He’s going to want to talk, to get a feel for where I’m at emotionally, and that sounds terrifying. Still he’s supporting me, caring about me, and I can’t think of another place I want to be right now.