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Living with Kaveh wasn’t easy, not that Alhaitham had expected it to be. He and Kaveh had been butting heads long before Alhaitham opened his home to his upperclassman. However, they'd managed not to kill each other so far. Not that Alhaitham had any desire to murder Kaveh, even when he was complaining about the books piled on the coffee table. Kaveh, however, was prone to flights of passion and might be tempted. When you were around another person that often, arguments were a matter of increased probability.
Tonight, Alhaitham had been granted a reprieve from Kaveh’s presence. Kaveh had gone drinking with some of the other scholars from his darshan.
“Don’t expect me back until later,” he’d said on his way out, fishing his house key from the bowl by the door. (As if Alhaitham would stay up waiting for him; he was always in bed by ten.)
Alhaitham celebrated his absence by reading quietly all evening and turning in early. It would have been a perfect night if he hadn’t been awoken a few hours later by the sound of Kaveh’s return. Honestly, Kaveh had to be the noisiest person in Sumeru. Not only did his voice have a way of penetrating the protective layer of Alhaitham’s headphones, but he did nearly everything louder than other people.
Kaveh’s key jangled into the bowl next to Alhaitham’s, his footsteps plodded across the living room, and then his shin connected with the corner of the coffee table. This was followed by a round of swearing. Alhaitham supposed being noisy had its uses. For instance, he now knew Kaveh hadn’t been mugged and killed on his way back from drinks without having to wait up.
The door to Alhaitham’s room creaked open. He frowned without opening his eyes. There was a yawn, the rustle of fabric, and then the mattress dipped as a warm weight landed beside him.
“Wrong room,” Alhaitham said. “Go sleep in your own bed.”
Kaveh didn’t respond. When Alhaitham looked over his shoulder, he realized Kaveh had already passed out. At least he’d had the decency to lie down facing away from Alhaitham. He’d removed his shoes and a few outer layers, which were no doubt lying on Alhaitham’s floor right now. He must’ve been too out of it to change.
Alhaitham contemplated moving him. He wouldn’t even have to wake Kaveh up; he could easily fling Kaveh over his shoulder and haul him to his own bedroom. But that required getting up, and Alhaitham was currently quite comfortable. That led to option two: shove Kaveh onto the floor. The shock would probably jar him awake, he’d realize his mistake, and crawl back to his room. However, that would also no doubt lead to a lot of indignant whining, which Alhaitham wasn’t awake enough to deal with.
All that left was option three: just let Kaveh be. It wasn’t like he took up much space. As long as he stayed on his side, they wouldn’t have a problem. Alhaitham exhaled and closed his eyes. He’d deal with it in the morning.
But when morning arrived, there was a new problem. Kaveh had rolled over in the night and attached himself to Alhaitham like a kalpalata lotus to the side of a cliff. Alhaitham wasn’t surprised. Of course, this would happen. Even while unconscious, Kaveh would do whatever was bound to bother Alhaitham the most. Though the spooning wasn’t awful. It was a cool morning, and Kaveh had body heat to spare. Alhaitham rolled onto his back.
Kaveh was much more pleasant asleep. It wasn’t the first time Alhaitham had seen him like this. He’d caught his senior napping in the archive or on the couch, exhausted from studying and work. Normally, Kaveh was tightly wound and full of energy. Only in sleep did the stress melt from his body. The sunlight streaming through the window struck his hair and lashes, making them shine like pale gold.
Alhaitham supposed he should treasure these moments when Kaveh couldn’t rant at him. A shame Kaveh had had the misfortune of falling into Alhaitham’s bed instead of his own. Alhaitham curled his forefinger behind his thumb and flicked Kaveh in the center of his forehead.
“Ow!” Kaveh winced and opened his eyes. “Alhaitham–”
“Are you going to sleep all day?” Alhaitham said.
A beat. Kaveh glanced at where his arm lay draped across Alhaitham’s bare chest. He sprang up with a shout, leaping backwards as if Alhaitham had suddenly burst into flames. Kaveh stared at him, his face turning progressively redder. “What… what are you doing in my room?”
Alhaitham yawned. “This is my room.”
Kaveh blinked, then looked around. Alhaitham could practically hear the little hamster wheel that powered his brain squeaking as it spun. Kaveh’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Then he started patting himself as if searching for his keys.
“I–we didn’t. Tell me we didn’t,” he said.
“Didn’t what?”
Kaveh turned his furious gaze on him. “Don’t play dumb. What happened last night?”
“You came home drunk, wandered into my room by accident, and fell asleep here.” Alhaitham folded his arms behind his head. “That’s all.”
“And nothing else?” Kaveh demanded. He crossed his arms over his chest protectively.
Oh, this was good. Alhaitham didn’t answer immediately. He glanced to the side, as if deep in thought. “Hm, what did happen? Now that you mention it…”
“What? What?” Kaveh leaned forward.
“Nothing,” Alhaitham said. “You stumbled in and fell asleep right away. My virtue was left intact.”
Kaveh wound his arm back as if to strike Alhaitham, but he quickly restrained himself. His eyes narrowed. “And you just let me stay? You would never.”
“I tried to wake you up, but you were dead to the world. Kicking you onto the floor seemed like more trouble than it was worth.”
“Well… I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it.”
Alhaitham eased himself onto his elbows. “Why are you so concerned about ‘something’ happening? Isn’t that a bit narcissistic of you?”
A vein throbbed in Kaveh’s temple. “Excuse me for being concerned about violating your boundaries. Rest assured, this won’t happen again.”
Sure it won’t, Alhaitham thought. Maybe he should start locking his bedroom door. Kaveh sprang off the bed, gathered his discarded outer garments, and swept out of the room.
*
Alhaitham wouldn’t have thought much of the incident if Kaveh hadn’t brought it up again while brewing coffee.
“For the record,” he said, sharply placing a cup in front of Alhaitham, “I would never be so desperate as to try something with you.”
Alhaitham sipped his coffee. “Is that supposed to be a put-down?”
“I’m just saying I don’t see you that way.”
“Okay.”
Kaveh’s eyebrow twitched. He put his hands on his hips. “Are you aware that there are people who think we’re sleeping with each other?”
“Yes.” Alhaitham had heard those rumors. He wasn’t worried about it; if it wasn’t true, then what other people assumed about their relationship didn’t matter. But it clearly worried Kaveh. He added, “I guess there’s some truth to the rumor now, though. We did technically sleep together.”
Kaveh choked. “There’s no truth to it at all! You know they don’t mean literally.”
“Why does it upset you anyway?”
“Because it’s disgusting!” Kaveh said, throwing himself onto the nearby divan, crossing one leg over the other. “I wouldn’t want people speculating about our personal business, even if it were true.”
“Disgusting?” Alhaitham said. “Well, now I’m just hurt.”
Kaveh rubbed his temple. “No, you’re not. You’re being deliberately obtuse. I think we’re both in agreement that we’re uninterested in each other.”
“Are we?” Alhaitham couldn’t help himself. “You’re the one who crawled into my bed last night and was worried you’d acted inappropriately. And now you’re bringing up those rumors. I wonder…”
“Oh no, don’t even think it!” Kaveh snapped.
“Could it be that you’re frustrated I didn’t take advantage of you? I would never degrade a respected senior…”
“You are a sick, sick man.”
“I have to wonder how you mistakenly ended up in my room to begin with. Seeing me there didn’t clue you in? You were also clinging to me in your sleep.”
“I wasn’t clinging,” Kaveh protested.
“Seems like your unconscious desires were set free last night, but fortunately nothing came of them.”
“I don’t have any unconscious desires! I was inebriated!”
“Alcohol loosens inhibitions,” Alhaitham said. “It doesn’t create something from nothing. Are you admitting that the only thing stopping you from pouncing on me is your already poor self-control?”
“N-no!”
“Then what is? Societal pressure? Fear of rejection?”
“I am not attracted to you,” Kaveh said, jabbing his finger at Alhaitham’s face. “How come you’re not letting this go? What do you gain by prodding me about this? I think you’re the one who’s attracted to me.”
Alhaitham leaned back. “I see we’ve reached the ‘no, you’ phase.”
Kaveh surged to his feet. "I've had enough. Say one more word on this and you're dead."
Alhaitham let him storm off. As far as he was concerned, he’d guaranteed Kaveh would be more careful in the future so as to avoid the inevitable embarrassment. End of argument.
“And another thing!” Kaveh said as he circled back into the living room. “You’d be lucky to sleep with me.”
“Would I?”
“Yes! It’s not like you’re getting many offers. Have you ever even been on a date?”
“No,” Alhaitham admitted. He saw no reason to be ashamed. Dating was more trouble than it was worth. And he wasn’t in the market for a partner. “Have you?”
Kaveh was silent for a beat too long. His ears slowly reddened. “No,” he spit out at last. “But I’ve been asked! I just couldn’t say yes because I was too busy with work.”
Alhaitham could believe that, actually. When they’d been students, their fellow classmates had openly admired both Kaveh’s good looks and artistic talent. However, Kaveh had seemingly had no clue. Alhaitham would wager that Kaveh had been on several dates without realizing it. For someone with such a sharp eye for detail, there were many things Kaveh failed to notice.
*
It happened again, as it was bound to. This time, Kaveh was merely sleep deprived. He’d been toiling away at a new design for the past week. Alhaitham heard him puttering around with his models into the wee hours of the morning. Once, he’d discovered Kaveh slumped over his desk, having fallen asleep in his chair. It was like he was turning into Layla.
So, Alhaitham wasn’t that surprised when he returned home from an afternoon walk and found Kaveh dozing in his bed again. Judging by the feather duster trapped under one of his limp hands, he’d been cleaning when he’d succumbed to exhaustion. If Alhaitham was irritated by anything, it was that Kaveh had been performing unauthorized dusting in Alhaitham’s private room, but it was pointless to complain. Alhaitham had been sneezing a lot recently.
Kaveh lay prone on top of the covers, one arm dangling off the edge of the mattress. It was probably sheer luck that he’d landed on the bed instead of the floor. Alhaitham could picture him swooning off his feet into a doze.
Again, Alhaitham contemplated moving him. Kaveh would be indignant if he realized he’d fallen asleep in Alhaitham’s bed a second time, even if Alhaitham wasn’t in it. But he’d be just as upset if Alhaitham interrupted his sorely needed nap. Best just to let him be. Alhaitham did gently slide the feather duster out of his grip, however. He didn’t want a bunch of dust and cobwebs getting on his bed.
Kaveh woke up a few hours later around sunset. Alhaitham heard the rapid beat of his footsteps as Kaveh ran out of the room as if pursued by a tiger. He burst into the library with color high in his cheeks.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he demanded.
Alhaitham returned his gaze to his book. “You seemed tired.”
“But…” Kaveh’s hair was matted on one side. His face bore an impression of wrinkles from Alhaitham’s bedsheets. Whatever objection he was going to make lost its appeal, and he sighed. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Kaveh stared at him for a few beats longer, then left. Alhaitham waited for the tell-tale sounds of Kaveh’s briefcase powering up before activating his noise-canceling headphones. Now that Kaveh was re-energized from his nap, he was going to be up all night working. Perhaps Alhaitham had played himself with that one.
*
To tell the truth, neither Kaveh’s drunken mistake, nor his midday nap were the first, second, or even third times he’d slept in Alhaitham’s bed.
The first had been when they were students at the Akademiya. Alhaitham was sure Kaveh had forgotten. If he did remember, he’d never bring it up himself. It happened one night when they were working on their project. They’d each had rooms provided by the Akademiya—tiny but cozy single-bed compartments—and Alhaitham had made the mistake of inviting Kaveh to his for some extra work. That was what he’d said anyway; he’d hoped his upperclassman would take the hint that no academic progress would be made. But Kaveh had arrived with his materials bundled in his arms and blindingly naïve smile on his face and Alhaitham’s confidence wavered. So, it ended up being a study session after all.
The evening passed quickly. The sky darkened outside the arched window, and Alhaitham lit the lamps. He’d been sitting at his desk, while Kaveh had taken the only other available seat—the bed. Scholars were warned not to work on their beds. The human brain liked patterns and forming associations. Studying where you slept was a surefire way to cross the wires in your mind to the point where you fell asleep on your textbooks or—worse—made it impossible to rest. But unless Kaveh wanted to sit on the floor, which he didn’t, he had to risk it. The result was that as the night progressed, he gradually lost focus and eventually reclined on Alhaitham’s bed with a mighty yawn.
“Ugh, I can’t keep my eyes open,” he mumbled.
Alhaitham, being young and less (shall we say) discerning, said, “You can sleep here if you want.”
“Really?” Kaveh rolled onto his side.
“Sure. No point walking all the way back to the upperclassmen wing.”
Kaveh smiled sleepily. “That’s really considerate of you. Man, I’m lucky I have such a nice junior.” He laughed. Lines of heat danced along Alhaitham’s spine. “I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed, though.”
“It’s no big deal.” Alhaitham glanced at the narrow mattress. They could both squeeze onto it, if Kaveh was willing. Yet when Alhaitham’s gaze traveled up Kaveh’s body back to his face, he decided not to risk it. “I’ll be fine on the floor.”
Kaveh pushed himself onto his elbows. “That’s not fair.”
“It is. I’m hosting. Seriously, I don’t mind.” A night on the floor would probably straighten him out. He needed to reassess his priorities.
Kaveh lowered again, his lips pursed in a mild pout. “You don’t have to be tough with me, you know. I’m your senior; I should be doing this for you.”
“You’ve already done a lot for me.” Before Alhaitham had met Kaveh, there hadn’t been anyone at the Akademiya willing to work with him, let alone fuss over his eating habits or check on him if he was sick. “Just go to sleep, Kaveh. It’s late.”
Kaveh yawned again. Alhaitham caught a glimpse of the pink interior of his mouth. “If you say so… Take a blanket and pillow at least.” He wriggled around to loosen the top sheet out from underneath himself, then tossed Alhaitham the single pillow.
So, Kaveh slept in Alhaitham’s bed that night, while Alhaitham dozed on the floor. Things might not have gone exactly to plan, but he still gained something from the experience. The next night, when he went to sleep, Kaveh’s scent lingered on the sheets.
*
Coincidentally, the second time Kaveh slept in Alhaitham’s bed, he was drunk. This was soon after he’d landed himself in his life-ruining debt and was attempting to drown his sorrows. Alhaitham had felt obligated to pry him away from the tavern before he deepened his humiliation any further. Kaveh clung to him as they staggered through Sumeru City’s streets, continuing to whine about his prospects, his failure, his general misfortune.
“What am I gonna do, Alhaitham?” he moaned, swaying against Alhaitham’s side. He smelled like a distillery. “I don’t regret,” hiccup, “working on it, but there’s no way I can get enough clients quick enough to get out of,” another hiccup, this one more of a belch, “out of the red. I won’t be able to make next month’s rent.”
Alhaitham sighed. “You need to detach your ego from your work. It’s because of that you weren’t able to quit when the project started going south.”
“I couldn’t just give up! I—” Kaveh’s face went green. He let go of Alhaitham, stumbled over to the nearest planter, and vomited into the bushes. He groaned pathetically. “You don’t get it. You’ll never get it. This was my dream.”
“Chasing a dream is a fool’s errand. You’re an adult.”
Kaveh looked balefully over his shoulder. “Just because you’ve never had any ambition greater than an early retirement doesn’t mean the rest of us should stop pursuing something better. Some of us want to make art.”
“And now you’ve done it,” Alhaitham said, pulling Kaveh upright again. He used the edge of Kaveh’s capelet to wipe his mouth. “What good is wallowing going to do? Find a new job. Teach some classes. You have too much pride.”
“You’re one to talk,” Kaveh grumbled.
“I have dignity. You should cultivate some. Then you’d know better than to get drunk and start wailing about your mistakes where anyone can hear you.”
Alhaitham helped Kaveh rinse his mouth with water from a public fountain. Then, he took Kaveh home. Not to Kaveh’s apartment, but to Alhaitham’s house. He didn’t know where Kaveh’s apartment was, and he doubted it would be Kaveh’s for much longer. Alhaitham had pretty much already decided that Kaveh couldn’t be left to his own devices. There was a spare room he wasn’t using where Kaveh could sleep. And once Kaveh started earning money again, he could contribute to the rent. Win-win.
Kaveh’s mood didn’t improve when he saw Alhaitham’s living situation. “Were you raised in a barn? Did no one teach you to pick up after yourself?”
Alhaitham didn’t think his house was in significant disarray, but of course Kaveh’s sensibilities were different from his. Where Alhaitham saw a straightforward system—he knew where all his books were because he remembered where he set them—Kaveh saw chaos. Now wasn’t a decent time to discuss housekeeping, however. Alhaitham dragged Kaveh to the bedroom—his, since he was the only resident at the time—and forced Kaveh to lie down.
“Sleep it off,” Alhaitham said, taking off Kaveh’s shoes. “We can continue this conversation when you’re sober.”
Kaveh hugged the pillow. “Alhaitham…”
The fight had gone out of him. He spoke Alhaitham’s name with a softness he hadn’t used in a long time. Tears gathered in his red-rimmed eyes.
“Later,” Alhaitham said. “Good night, Kaveh.”
He slept in the living room, on one of the divans. When morning came, Kaveh was still there, chastened. And Alhaitham made his offer.
*
The third time, it hadn’t technically been a bed, but Alhaitham counted it anyway.
He and Kaveh didn’t usually work together in a formal context, but their assignments overlapped from time to time. That and… well, when Kaveh went into the desert, Alhaitham conveniently took time off to travel there himself. He didn’t go with Kaveh, nor did he “follow” him, but he would arrange for their paths to cross if, for example, Kaveh got side-tracked helping defenseless animals or hapless travelers. Kaveh knew his way around the sands, but his charitable impulses ran counter to his survival instincts.
Like when, on one expedition, Kaveh donated his bedroll to a group of junior researchers who’d forgotten their own. The desert might be hot during the day, but at night, it couldn’t retain that heat. Temperatures plunged after sundown, and without a bedroll, you’d be stuck burrowing into the sand for warmth. Archons help you if the wind picked up.
Alhaitham considered letting Kaveh learn this lesson the hard way. It was his own fault. But when he weighed the options, there was nothing for Alhaitham to lose. He approached Kaveh while he was making camp for the night.
“Hey,” he said, at normal volume, in his normal tone.
Kaveh, who’d been pitching his tent, startled so badly that the whole thing collapsed. Then he snapped at Alhaitham for sneaking up on him. Alhaitham let it wash over him without comment. Being subjected to Kaveh’s griping was like re-reading passages in an old book.
Alhaitham nodded at the heap of canvas and poles. “Don’t bother with that. Mine’s already set up.”
“What are you even doing here?” Kaveh demanded. “When I told you I was going into the desert, you never mentioned having work here, too.”
Alhaitham ignored the question. “Looks like I have to shelter you here as well. At least I won’t charge you rent.”
Kaveh spluttered something incomprehensible as he gathered his supplies and followed Alhaitham to his nearby campsite. He spluttered some more when he realized that Alhaitham had only one bedroll to share.
“Well, I came by myself and couldn’t have predicted you’d give away your own bedroll,” Alhaitham said in his defense. “Really, Kaveh. Those kids could’ve doubled up.”
“You saw that?” Kaveh squinted. “How long have you been following me?”
“The fact that you didn’t notice me is concerning. There could have been a whole group of eremites behind you, and you wouldn’t have realized. I wasn’t exactly hiding.”
Kaveh turned red. “You could have just come with me from the start if you were that worried.”
Alhaitham said nothing.
The argument stalled and was forgotten over dinner. Kaveh made a few token protests as he settled in beside Alhaitham for the night, but even he wasn’t foolish enough to refuse blankets and body heat at a time like this. The nighttime chill had begun to set in. Alhaitham, too, was pleased to have a living bedwarmer for the night. They went to sleep back-to-back.
But when Alhaitham woke a few hours later, he discovered that Kaveh had rolled over in his sleep and pressed himself against the length of Alhaitham’s body.
*
“Just so you know,” Kaveh announced over breakfast, “I won’t be home for dinner tonight. I’ve got a date.”
He said it with pointed relish, like he’d just played the winning hand in a TCG match.
“Good for you,” Alhaitham said.
Kaveh visibly deflated. “You don’t sound happy for me.”
“How would you have preferred I respond?”
“You could at least ask me who it is.”
“Alright, who is it? Do I know them?”
“Maybe. She’s from Amurta. Saanvi.”
Alhaitham sipped his coffee. He had no idea who that was. When he didn’t press Kaveh for further details, Kaveh provided them anyway.
“I met her when I went out with the others from Kshahrewar. She happened to be at the tavern as well that night, and we had a very productive conversation.” Kaveh folded his arms and smugly raised his chin. “She said she’d like to see more of me.”
“Literally or figuratively?”
“Could be both! Maybe I won’t come home tonight at all.”
“Alright, have fun.”
Kaveh didn’t move. “That’s it?”
“Stay safe,” Alhaitham added. He knew what Kaveh was angling for, but he wasn’t going to be hooked. A part of him was gratified by the attempt, weak and childish as it was. But he suspected Kaveh didn’t fully understand his own motivations.
A long time ago, Alhaitham had come to understand that the rest of the world thought and operated differently than he did. He’d spent his youth failing to pick up on unspoken cues and bluntly crashing through delicate discourse, frustrating multiple people in the process (Kaveh included). But rather than try to play by the enigmatic rules of everyone else’s game, he decided they should make an effort to understand him for a change.
Therefore, he wasn’t going to participate in pointless theater. He was utterly unthreatened by this Saanvi and would not pretend to be.
Kaveh, obviously dissatisfied, left the breakfast table in a huff.
*
Alhaitham watched as Kaveh readied for his date. He seemed genuinely excited. Alhaitham caught a glimpse of Kaveh framed by the doorway to his room. He was putting his earrings in, checking himself in the mirror. Alhaitham let his gaze linger for longer than necessary. Kaveh held back a lock of blond hair as he hung an earring in his lobe.
Alhaitham’s specialty had been linguistics, so he understood the importance of words. Words could reshape reality. They recorded history. They persuaded others. The exact right words, in the exact right configuration, were worth more than Mora. As Scribe, Alhaitham was well-practiced in the clear, concise language of academic correspondence. He was less confident in matters of poetry and the heart.
A sentimental declaration should be composed and spoken with deliberation if it was to be believed. In those cases, being direct wasn’t enough. You couldn’t just state your claim and rattle off evidence to support it. Alhaitham might not use them himself, but he knew the techniques associated with flirtation. He’d seen his fellow Akademiya students and scholars perform the rituals time and time again. It didn’t suit him.
Originally, he’d thought it would be as simple as asking Kaveh to join him on their ill-fated project. And then it hadn’t been, and he’d stumbled.
“Alright, I’m going,” Kaveh said, placing his house keys in his pocket.
Alhaitham, sitting in the living room with his feet up, hummed in acknowledgement.
Kaveh lingered a few seconds longer, as if waiting for something. Alhaitham waited too, on the slim chance that Kaveh might take unexpected action. He didn’t.
*
An hour later, Kaveh returned. He threw himself onto a divan with a groan.
“How did it go?” Alhaitham asked, still in the same position he’d been in when Kaveh left.
“Terrible. We had nothing in common. We couldn’t find anything to talk about, so I made up an excuse to end the date early.”
“A shame.”
“Oh, don’t even pretend like you care,” Kaveh groused. He looked beautifully tragic draped across the cushions, his hand over his face. “It was so awkward. I feel terrible.”
“What did you expect?” Alhaitham said. “You weren’t seriously interested in her anyway.”
Kaveh sat up. “I might’ve been!”
Alhaitham shook his head. “Even if the date went well, your relationship wouldn’t have lasted.”
“How do you know?”
“You should already know the answer to that question.”
Kaveh clenched his jaw and lay back down. “Ugh, I can’t stand it when you talk in riddles. Sometimes I think even you don’t know what you mean.”
Alhaitham turned a page. “You’ll catch on eventually.”
Kaveh sulked for a bit before getting up and grabbing his sketchpad. He sat with his knees up, ankles crossed, gaze distant as he became lost in thought. There were a lot of things Alhaitham could say about Kaveh, but "apathetic towards his work" was not one of them. He could become unreachable while drafting.
Kaveh and Alhaitham had passed quite a few evenings in blissful silence this way, but tonight, Alhaitham found himself distracted. Kaveh was chewing on his pencil. An unattractive habit, but Kaveh–being classically attractive–could lead one to start thinking of other uses for his mouth.
Contrary to what his colleagues believed, Alhaitham did have human emotions. Human impulses. It would be convenient if he didn’t, but he was flesh and blood. He hungered. He thirsted. He wanted.
Alhaitham closed his book. “I’m turning in early.”
Kaveh grunted. He was too absorbed by his latest idea to point out that it was only eight o’clock. For a moment, Alhaitham contemplated teasing him, seeing if he could disrupt Kaveh’s intense focus with a touch or by blowing in his ear. And he claims I don’t listen.
Alhaitham leaned over the back of the divan. Kaveh didn’t so much as twitch. His drawing was of a building exterior. It was beautiful and impractical and there would likely be complications when it came to actually drafting the floorplan, but Kaveh was clever enough to make it work. He never designed anything that wasn’t intended to be used.
“Kaveh,” Alhaitham said.
Kaveh erased something. “Mm. Goodnight.”
“I’m going to sleep in your bed tonight. I think I’m owed.”
“Okay,” Kaveh said absentmindedly.
“Thank you. Glad you understand.”
Alhaitham wondered how long it would take for Kaveh to realize. He went into Kaveh’s room, undressed, and got under the covers. He was already drifting off when Kaveh finally clued in and came running.
“Hey!” He climbed onto the mattress. “I never said you could sleep here!”
Alhaitham answered without opening his eyes. “I seem to recall you saying, ‘okay.’”
“I wasn’t paying attention!”
“You’re welcome to join me, or you can avail yourself of my bed again.”
“You’re not funny.”
“Good, I wasn’t joking.”
“Alhaitham!”
Alhaitham finally opened one eye. Kaveh was pink the face, hovering over him far too closely than was warranted. He’d put something on for his date—hair oil or perfume, something warm and delicious in Alhaitham’s mouth. His jaw ached with desire. The image of Kaveh putting in his earrings earlier flashed through his mind. Alhaitham wanted to bite that ear, those fingers.
“A—” Kaveh began.
Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh by the neck and pulled him down. Kaveh yelped. He tried to sit up, but Alhaitham’s arm wrapped around his waist, pinning him to the mattress. Kaveh wriggled in vain.
“What’s gotten into you?” he said hotly.
“Nothing. I’m trying to sleep.” Alhaitham closed his eyes. “You should, too.”
“As if! I—oh.”
Alhaitham had just tugged Kaveh closer. He could have taunted him. He could have let him go. But he needed Kaveh to finally get the truth through his head. And he wanted to be boldly selfish.
Kaveh huffed. “You can be so childish sometimes.” He ruffled Alhaitham’s hair. “I remember it used to bother you when I hung out with other people at the Akademiya.”
“It didn’t,” Alhaitham lied.
Kaveh’s fingers passed through his hair again. “Why don’t you just talk about your feelings, Alhaitham?”
Because talking will never be enough. Talking about our feelings confines them. It attempts to categorize something beyond taxonomy.
What was worse: Kaveh failing to understand him and living in eternal obliviousness, or Kaveh understanding him all along and just… not reciprocating? If the latter was true, then maybe Alhaitham didn’t know anything about anything, least of all Kaveh.
“I shouldn’t need to,” Alhaitham finally replied.
Kaveh pressed his thumb against Alhaitham’s temple. “I can’t read your mind. I know actions are louder than words, but you’re so weird about it. Just ask me to stay if you want me to stay and tell me to leave if you want me to leave.”
“And if I tell you I want to sleep with you? Would you believe me?”
There was a long pause. Alhaitham opened his eyes a sliver and peered at Kaveh’s blurry face through his lashes. He’d gone tense. Here came the part where Kaveh fought his way out of Alhaitham’s grasp (which Alhaitham would let him do, because he wasn’t a monster). He stayed.
“I…I might,” Kaveh said.
Alhaitham raised his head. “And what if I told you I was going to kiss you right now?”
“Um…” Kaveh’s heart was beating hard enough that Alhaitham could hear it. “I’d ask you to prove it.”
The distance between their mouths was less than an inch. Kaveh’s breath tickled Alhaitham’s lips. His eyelids lowered halfway. He was shivering, but he felt hot where his body touched Alhaitham’s.
“I thought this bothered you,” Alhaitham said. “Us. Sexual activity. Or was I right to assume you protested too much?”
“I only said that because you were being a jerk,” Kaveh retorted. Alhaitham hadn’t even kissed him, and he already sounded short of breath. “Are you stalling? I knew you were just messing with m—mmf!”
Alhaitham forgot about being tired. Finally kissing Kaveh, shutting him up, was like a shot of espresso. Kaveh moaned into his mouth. He clutched the nape of Alhaitham’s neck, squeezing it hard enough to make Alhaitham want to roll over and let Kaveh do whatever he wanted to him.
But then Kaveh suddenly broke away with a gasp and said, “Wait.”
Alhaitham waited, expecting Kaveh to explain why they couldn’t do this.
“This means you are attracted to me!” Kaveh crowed, sporting the most aggravatingly triumphant grin Alhaitham had ever seen. “You were attracted to me the whole time! I was right!”
“Yes, thank you for finally noticing.”
“For how long? Since the Akademiya? Is that why you invited me to move in?”
Alhaitham released Kaveh and rolled onto his other side. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to sleep.”
“What? Come on.” Kaveh shook Alhaitham’s shoulder. “We were just getting started.”
“Mood’s off. Maybe another night.”
“You got me all worked up and now you’re going to bed? Ugh, you’re the worst.” Kaveh thumped back onto the mattress.
“I did say that I wanted to sleep with you. I just didn’t specify which connotation I was using.”
“You’re such a sore loser. You’re lucky I like you.”
Alhaitham smiled to himself. “I am.”
The covers shifted as Kaveh got underneath them. A moment later, he was plastered against Alhaitham’s back, arm draped around his middle, and the pair of them were finally, peacefully asleep.