Chapter Text
Carmy and Claire were giving it another go. It had happened when Carmy when in his post-Friends and Family apology tour. He started with Sydney. Then Richie. Then made his way down the line. Claire had been his last stop—not because she was least important or deserving of an apology but because he hadn’t intended to ever see her again.
Between Fak and Richie that wasn’t an option. Plus, Sydney had told him Claire deserved an apology. It was actually her who convinced him.
Richie and Fak were coming from a place of wanting to help them back together and thinking Claire deserved an apology for his fridge rant. Sydney approached it differently.
—
“Look, Carm…I don’t think you need to apologize for what you said,” she took a beat, “you weren’t aware she was there and it wasn’t directed at her…to be honest I’m pissed she was even in the kitchen.”
Carmy wanted to interject but she continued. “You need to apologize for her having heard it. But really you need to apologize for not calling and at least trying to make things right.”
“What is right though?” Carmy genuinely had no idea what she was suggesting.
“Before she was your girlfriend she was a girl who was a friend—-as a friend she deserves an apology for you not reaching out to see how she was doing and telling her you didn’t mean she wasn’t worth it…just that…I wasn’t there but just apologize.”
That was all it took. Sydney telling him to do it. That’s because he’d always do anything she asked of him.
—-
Sydney didn’t mean for his Claire apology to end up with them giving it another go. She can’t say she was happy for them, but at least Carmy was trying to be at the restaurant more, or at least he was trying.
After a week of ClaireCarmy 2.0, signs of the old Carmy of ClaireCarmy 1.0 were returning. He wasn’t blowing off whole meetings anymore, but he was always leaving early or arriving late.
Sydney knew where this would head. The leaving early to grab Claire from her shift would turn into him forgetting whole meetings again and just leaving before it started. Arriving late because Claire had a day off from her rotation would eventually turn into him not showing up at all.
And when he was there, he was being an insufferable hardass to the staff. It’s like the infamous French Laundry Carmy was always there on service nights. And that was something Sydney wasn’t going to put up with. He can’t show up how he wants when he wants. He has to show up for all the times he’s meant to, and only then can he choose how to show up.
Carmy hadn’t done enough to prove to her it wouldn’t happen again, the abandonment. And he hadn’t proven to her that the Carmy who was there was worth it. Sydney wasn’t going to fail again. So she made a hard decision.
She was going to leave The Bear.
—-
Sydney’s decision to leave The Bear wasn’t easy. Honestly, she hadn’t decided to until Carmy fucked up a menu day again.
He didn’t stand her up, but he double booked with Claire. He hadn’t let either woman leave, so Sydney had spent her one day off…her one day alone with Carmy—-cooking for his girlfriend. And taking her suggestions and feedback like she was a part of the team.
—-
Four weeks after the reunion of Claire and Carmy, Sydney asked for a meeting with Carm, Nat, and Richie. She was second guessing herself the whole day as she joked with Richie and had lunch with Nat. But she knew her decision was the right one when 15 minutes after the meeting was supposed to start they all got a text from Carmy.
‘I will be there in 15 sry Claire and I got caught up on her lunch’
They all let out varying noises of exasperation as they read the text.
Sydney placed her phone down and looked up at Nat and Richie. “I’m not going to wait. You can tell Carmy when he gets in.”
“Tell Carm what?” Richie looked on in confusion.
“Syd, you’re scaring me. Are you okay?” Nat’s concern came from the fact she knew Sydney was having lupus concerns.
“Nat, I promise I’m fine.” Sydney reached across the table to put her hand over Natalie’s.
“Then please tell us.” Nat looked back so kindly Sydney almost wavered.
Sydney pulled out three folders and placed them on the table between them. “One is for Carmen,”Nat and Richie both visibly flinched at Sydney’s use of Carmy’s full name.
Nat was the first to open the folder, but Richie was as the first to speak, “Syd….why are there chef resumes here?”
“They’re replacements.” Sydney stated matter of factly.
The confusion that had already been on their faces turned into even more confusion.
“Did we lose someone? Someone quit? Dammit. I knew Carm was being too much of an ass.” Sydney could see Nat was getting worked up which made the next part of what she was as going to say even harder.
“Wait…these are all seasoned chefs…they wouldn’t be replacing anyone on the line but…” Richie trailed off and she already knew that he knew.
“They’re replacements, or at least some options.” Sydney smiled sadly.
“Why the fuck would you need replacing?” Richie’s voice full of anger. And hurt.
“I’m not doing this all again…Carmy being a jerk to the kitchen, flaking on meetings,” Sydney gestured to the empty seat where Carmy should have been.
“I love you both so much. And the crew. And this place. But this is my career. After Sheridan, I don’t have another loss in me. And I don’t trust Carmy. Whatever tenuous trust gained back he lost the about a week into his redo of the Claire thing.”
“Where are you going?” Natalie finally spoke up and her eyes were filled with tears, breaking Sydney’s heart.
“I have this old friend from CIA, he offered me a spot at his new place in New Orleans.”
“You’re leaving Chicago too?” Natalie’s tears which had been threatening to fall had followed through with their threat.
“Yes.” That was all she could get out, she was fighting her own tears. She didn’t want hers to even collect, she needed to remain resolute.
“When are you leaving?” Richie asked her, sadness in his tone. Sydney and Richie had become begrudgingly besties.
“In 6 weeks. I figure that’s enough time to help find my replacement, and to pack up, ya know, my life. I won’t leave until I’m satisfied we found a good replacement.”
“Is there anything I can say to convince you to stay, Syd?” The pleading in Nat’s voice on serving up more heartbreak for Sydney.
Sydney stood from the table. “Nat. Richie. You’re part of the reason why I even thought about staying.”
As Sydney turned to head out, having preemptively already taken a half day, she heard the loud bang of a fist on the table.
“The one fucking person who could…should try and convince you isn’t even here.” She knew Richie was mad at Carmy. Not her. “He couldn’t even be bothered to show up which just—“
“Further validates why she’s leaving.” Nat cut him off.
As if on cue, their attention was brought to the door as Carmy entered, a sorry passing his lips before the door even closed behind him.
Sydney couldn’t say it all again, so she left right then. Turning on her heel, bag already in hand she offered a small goodbye to Natalie and Richie, ignoring Carmy completely. She made her way to the opposite end of the restaurant to use the door not occupied by Carmy’s frame.
“Syd!” Carmy called out but she was already gone.
Carmy turned and saw Richie, eyes ablaze and his sister crying. “What did I miss?”
“The fucking meeting, Bear.” Natalie’s voice angry, a contradiction to the sadness on her eyes.
“I texted. I’m sorry. Claire and I got caught up and-“
“Don’t want to fucking hear it, Cousin. I’m only not beating the shit out of you because we just cleaned in here.” If looks could kill the one Richie was serving Carmy certainly would have killed him where he stood.
“I know I was late, it was one time.” His defensiveness entering his tone.
“It wasn’t one time, Bear.” Natalie added on a scolding tone.
“So is no one going to tell me where Sydney went and why she looked so upset?”
“She’s probably packing.” Richie scoffed and left it so just Carmy and Natalie remained.
Carmy turned back to Natalie, “Packing? Is she going on a trip?” He couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice.
“She quit,” Natalie replied coldly and Carmy’s entire world stopped spinning. “The folder on table is yours. Resumes for her replacement .”
Carmy was unable to move. Unable to speak. What could he do? His entire world just imploded. By the time he came to, he was standing alone.
—-
A loud knock on the apartment door jolted Emmanuel out of his trance. He had been staring at Sydney’s childhood bedroom, thinking about his baby girl leaving and though his heart broke that she was leaving, his heart would break more watching hers shatter if she stayed.
He padded over to the door without checking the peephole. It was 4pm and usually their downstairs neighbor, Marjorie Booth would swing by and bring whatever she had baked and try and convince Sydney to date her grandson.
Emmanuel was stunned to open the door and seeing that it was Carmen Berzatto standing in front of him.
“Mr. Adamu. Hi. Is-is is Syndey here?” The boy stuttered out. “I tried calling and texting her but she’s not answering.” Carmy had spent about two hours texting Sydney and calling her, hoping that eventually the picture of them from behind the OG Beef would illuminate his screen. He had Richie take the photo after Sydney returned to The Beef and they decided to open The Bear. He talked to her so much, he loved seeing her face pop up. Natalie and Richie had spent a significant amount of time mocking him for only having two contact photos set up. Sydney’s and his own. Which were the same picture.
He knew his daughter was probably ignoring Carmen, but Sydney was all he had, so he pulled his phone out. “She’s not here.” He stated coldly as he tapped the photo of a baby Sydney.
It rang twice and then his daughter’s voice passed through the phone. “Hey dad! Everything alright?” She sounded completely fine.
“Yeah baby girl. I just knew some people from work were trying to reach you.” He saw Carmen shuffle in front of him.
They said their goodbyes and turned back to his unwelcome visitor. “She’s fine, Carmen. Is there anything else you need?”
“Where is Sydney going?” Carmy’s heart cracked along with his voice when he saw boxes behind Mr. Adamu with the words “Donate,” “Move,” and “Undecided” written on them.
“Did she not tell you? I thought she was telling you and Natalie and Richie today?” Confusion genuine in his tone. He wasn’t trying to give the runaround, he legitimately believed that she’d tell them where she was leaving for.
“She told Nat and Richie, I uhhhh…I was late to the meeting.” Carmy avoided eye contact with Sydney’s father.
“And that’s why you don’t get to know, Carmen.” Emmanuel let out a sigh and then looked back up at the young chef. “If I wasn’t a pacifist, I’d deck you.”
“Mr. Adamu,” Carmy started but he was cut off.
“Leave my home, Carmen. Don’t make me ask twice. Don’t make me tell you you’re not welcome.” Mr. Adamu had always been gentle and kind, but the edge in his voice left no room for argument.
Carmy turned and headed to the door. “Good bye Mr. Adamu.” His dejected voice only muffled by the closing of the door behind him.
—-
Service was rough. Without Sydney it just didn’t work. No one was upset or anything because it seems Nat and Richie were the only ones who knew Sydney was leaving. He was surprised Tina and Marcus didn’t seem to know. Not that any of them were talking to him. At least until service was over.
“You have to find Syd and talk to her, Cousin.” It was all Richie said before leaving. Carmy couldn’t even tell him that he had tried and she won’t even send as much as an emoji to him.
And then it hit him.
—-
Carmy arrived at White Palace Grilll. A Chicago institution that served breakfast all day. Sydney had told him once that one of her mom’s philosophies was that breakfast for dinner fixed everything. When she told him that he asked her if she had been to White Palace and her face had lit up.
It was a place she told him she went to whenever she needed to figure things out. Breakfast all day and great people made her feel like she was at a diner with her mom, figuring it all out.
It was a long shot she would be here, she was probably already at home (where he was definitely not welcome) but he had to try. He moved his way through the diner, looking for Sydney. She was like a homing beacon. If she was in the room, he would find her. Always. It’s like his eyes were always meant to meet hers no matter where they were. He could be blind and he’d still see her.
And then he did. At the back most table sat Sydney with a form of chicken and waffles and a coffee mug. She didn’t look angry or sad. He actually couldn’t get a read in her at all, leaving him with no idea on how to approach her.
He went to move towards her when he felt
his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and the picture Claire set in his phone for her contact lit up the screen. He quickly tapped the red phone—sending her to voicemail and shoving his phone in his pocket.
He made his way toward her table, not knowing how to approach her or if he should sit down, so he settled for what he does best. Being strange. He hovered in front of her table.
“Hey, Syd.” He choked out.
If Sydney was surprised he had found her, she didn’t give any sign.
“What are you doing here?” Her tone wasn’t cold, but I wasn’t warm either. It was like she was talking kindly to a stranger who had interrupted her meal.
“Looking for you.” He was still standing awkwardly in front of her table, a fact made even more obvious to them when a server had to ask Carmy to move so he could get by.
“Well you found me.” She said as she broke the eye contact with him. Whenever she looked away from him he felt like he was back in the walk-in. Alone. Cold. Nonexistent.
“C-can can I?”! He stuttered out and gestures to an empty seat.
She didn’t respond with words. She simply nodded. Carmy wanted to slide in quickly before she changed her mind, but instead he moved like a hunter in the woods. Quiet and careful. He was afraid if he made any sudden movements she’d run away.
She didn’t pick up the conversation. Instead she just picked up the mug in front of her and sipped, ignoring him completely.
“Syd,” he took a deep breath, “are you leaving The Bear?”
She didn’t respond right away, her silence suffocating him. When her brown eyes met his, the air returned to his lungs—like his existence was dependent on her acknowledgment of it.
“No. I’m not leaving The Bear.” Her voice surprisingly soft. She drew her attention to her lap and pulled out a wad of bills.
Carmy felt stable for the first time since he found out. Maybe this was all a cruel prank for missing a meeting. His thoughts of relief were broken by the sound of Sydney standing up.
Looking down at him, her voice was cold and matter of fact. “I’m leaving you.”
And then she did.