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Claire swayed half-asleep under the molten hot shower knocking over her bottle of antibacterial body wash. She was startled awake and bent to pick it up. Did I already wash myself? She couldn’t remember and re-lathered her loofah. A repeat couldn’t hurt. This last 16-hour shift made a truck stop bathroom look sterile.
After drying off she threw on a long t-shirt and fell into bed, her container of Nivea lotion untouched and her teeth unbrushed. This type of fatigue ached from the top of her head to her toenails. Fortunately, she only had two months left of residency and then she’d be a fully board-certified physician at a newly built hospital in Winnetka, the richest suburb in the Chicago metropolitan area. That was a recent pivot. Before she planned to join the critical care transport team at Chicago Children’s Hospital. Then she decided she wanted to slow down. About 4 months ago she looked into the sweetest, most lost blue eyes she’d ever seen again. He was shy, brooding, talented, and he needed her.
In the grocery store Claire perceived that Carmy was still unaware how sexy he was. When he gave her the wrong number she knew it was due to his bashfulness; just like when he’d reddened whenever she spoke to him in high school and could rarely answer intelligibly back. What’s more he’d left a signed sketch of her in her locker on the last day of school before disappearing. So, no. The wrong number wasn’t a red flag given their history. Also, would an uninterested guy drive all the way to Naperville to help move her mom’s crap? Not likely.
Thoughts like these ran through Claire’s head the moment she tucked into her pillow. Soon the thoughts became more negative as she recalled how distracted he could be during their evenings eating take out or watching TV. He was either restless or sketching food “ to show Syd”. They never even had a real date, but she was a busy resident and he was renovating a new restaurant. Eventually, the romance would come. Also, one day she wouldn’t be the one always initiating everything . He was just really inexperienced. Sometimes she thought she detected something like wonder in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe she was real. Claire had dated a lot and had a couple serious boyfriends, but Carmy was the first one where she believed that she was someone’s dream girl. Fak had even told her that Carmy said he “loved her a lot” and that he was just stuck.
Claire groaned into her pillow, now wide awake. She was closer to REM sleep in the shower! Thankfully, she was off work tomorrow and so she shuffled out of bed to drink tea and watch dumb rich people drama on the Bravo Network. She settled onto her couch with green tea, her faux fur throw and tried to shut off her stream of thought. On screen a young woman was crying into her friend’s lap about a guy who had taken her to a gala. All he wanted was the exposure and now that his followers were up, he was cooling off. Well, Claire thought Carmy was cooling off too, despite getting a second chance. A couple weeks ago she heard him confess behind a steel door that he wasn’t cut out for a relationship…that it was a waste of time. At first she ignored his daily texts, apologizing. Then he finally called and they met for coffee.
Carmy had arrived 10 minutes late and handed her a goat cheese raspberry scone; one of Marcus’s new creations. Claire wore her clingy cashmere v-neck sweater and tried to look annoyed as he stammered out an apology for being late and for what she’d overheard. She was pleased by his discomfort. It was his turn to pursue, finally. She had one of the best chef’s in the country groveling before her with a peace offering, blushing, his high school stutter making a comeback, his weary blue eyes blinking furiously. Aw. He was really sorry. After a moment she took his hand and told her Bear to take it easy. She assured him that she realized that he’d just been stressed out and freezing. Carmy had sat back, shocked and relieved. Claire filled in the rest for him. At least she thought she did.
“Bear, I know you didn’t mean what you said. If I had gotten into a relationship in my second year of med school it would have been a disaster. Anyways, I think we just moved too fast and for now, let’s keep it chill. No labels.I have two and half months left of residency and you just opened your dream. We’ll know when it’s right to go to the next level.”
Carmy had covered his mouth and stared over her shoulder for a moment before answering.
“Well, I, uh, appreciate that Claire. I’m not good at this and right now, yeah, I have to focus. It was nice reconnecting with you.”
“Same, Carmy.. I gotta go help run a clinical simulation for for students, but I hope you call me soon. Maybe I can even cook for you sometime.”
They got up and Claire hugged him tight, happy that she’d washed her hair that moning. Then she flounced out of the coffee shop confident that he remained smitten. At least she was confident until three days passed without a single call or text.
Now it has been five days without a word from Carmy. She replayed the coffee shop conversation in her head. Did she miss something? After two commercial breaks, she landed on “ It was nice reconnecting with you.” She sat up straight, the horror of those words sinking in. Did Carmy break up with her? And who says reconnecting? Like they hadn't dated (hung out) for months and even slept together!?! Claire felt sick. No, no, no, no! Carmy is just awkward. And he said he appreciated it and he-he-was blushing and nervous and…he hadn’t called her in almost a week. She shook her head and put down her green tea. She needed wine. ASAP.