Chapter Text
Sydney took her time walking to The Bear. It was chilly, the sky filled with iron-gray clouds. Sirens and horns blared, muted by the modern classical music flowing through Sydney’s earbuds. It helped her think. Music was math and heart united, sustenance for the ears and soul. The tender keys and soaring strings usually made her confused thoughts and feelings easier to dissect. It wasn’t working. She could barely register the music.
A widely followed food critic had written that they were an Eleven Madison Park copycat . That was the nicest part of the condescending critique which eviscerated every dish with the exception of the focaccia bread. On a regular day Sydney would have cursed about it for a minute before cracking a joke and moving on. Unfortunately, the combination of a poor night’s rest, the months of crazy long work hours, and the fear of failure ever present in her gut caught up to her. She came in with a pissy mood, nearly in tears.
Before putting her things away she’d found him. As soon as Carmy saw her face he ushered her into the office. Just a couple months ago she'd have repressed it until Carmy, always noticing her moods, would have dragged it out of her. Ever since Friends and Family he dedicated his entire being to The Bear, which included her. She’d heard murmurs from Richie and Fak about Claire giving him another chance, but whatever might still be going on between was no longer his top priority.
“Syd, what is it?” Carmy inquired, his voice filled with concern. His hand rested on her forearm and she sighed, beginning to feel a little lighter. So much for classical music.
“It’s stupid, but did you see Carlton Stevenson’s review?”
“No, what did that douche say?”
“Here, you can read it.”
Sydney pulled up the article on her phone, and handed it to him. Carmy began reading, his eyes widening in surprise and then narrowing angrily by the end. He gave the phone back and began beating his palm with his tasting spoon, looking at the floor. After a moment Sydney decided to break his train of thought.
“I know it’s only one review and probably doesn’t mean anything big-picture wise, but it just got to me.”
“Yeah, yeah. I think we need to switch it up. We’ve gotten complacent.”
“We have?! We just introduced the spring menu three weeks ago.”
Carmy gently gripped her shoulder and shook his head.
“If we want your star, we have to care about this more than anything. We have to push.”
In that moment with Carmy’s gaze locked on her Sydney would have agreed to start a restaurant on a cruise ship despite her history of paralyzing sea sickness. She just nodded and nearly forgot why she’d been upset.
In reality, all she wanted was for him to help her put things into perspective. However, from that day Carmy who was already more intense post-Friends and Family went into hyperdrive. He was like a man on fire, delegating their work to others so they could brainstorm that day. He came up with a list of non-negotiables to achieve excellence. It was amazing at first. Within a week they had a new menu and retrained the staff. The first night of the new menu of course there were mistakes, but Carmy had no tolerance for it. He’d found something wrong with every few plates ready to go out. His neck burned red with frustration and his forehead was eerily pale, while he screamed. No one was good enough. No one was fast enough. She was the sole person spared from his wrath and somehow this was worse than before. When this was happening he wouldn’t meet her eyes, but he still listened to her low, concerned pleas to calm down. He’d circle his chest and take a five minute break. After he’d return cold, quiet, and remorseful.
The next day when she tried talking about it with him, he threw it back in her face.
Wasn’t this what she wanted? Didn’t she want a star?
Once again he shifted the blame onto trying to give her what she wanted. Hadn’t he learned anything from when he made her run the brigade? Sydney wanted something healthy more than accolades. She wanted to take care of people. Maybe he just didn’t understand the concept of teamwork. During the reno he’d drawn exquisite pictures of food instead of making it with her. So what if they messed up a hundred, a thousand times, the best things they created were together. She started to tell him this, but Carmy shut down once he saw the disappointment on her face. Sydney felt guilt churning in her stomach and she wasn’t sure why.
After a few slightly less terrible nights during which Carmy no longer berated the staff, but continued his relentless perfection campaign, Sydney went to Ever to relax; just a quick lunch where Richie had found purpose. The CDC had recognized her and they talked for an hour. He even walked her back to The Bear and they exchanged contacts. That following morning Chef Terry offered her the opportunity to stage whenever she liked, once The Bear could spare her. To her surprise she accepted Chef Terry’s offer and said she could be “spared” next week.
Sydney felt like a coward, but she was out of ideas. She’d tried talking to him again, but Carmy had double-down on his methods. How could she get through to him? She loved The Bear crew and had put her entire being into starting the restaurant. More than anything else she felt alive when she and Carmy were on the same page. It was like hitting the right note causing goosebumps to rise from her head to her toes. She’d never felt anything like it before. She chased it. However, when he ditched her for Claire months ago, when he made decisions without her, when he made her feel like she was the reason for his toxic behaviors, Sydney wondered what she was doing. She still loved to cook. She wanted to give people lasting memories. Was that possible with Carmy? Syd wanted that most of all.
After agreeing to stage, she decided to break it to him via voice note. Obviously, in person would be better, but if he begged Syd knew she’d relent. If he raged, she’d probably quit and she wasn’t ready for that. After several tries she was able to come up with a message that was professional, clear about her concerns, and free of snark. It even ended with a promise that she wasn’t leaving permanently. At least not for now . She almost erased it, but it was true. After sending it, Sydney threw up. Her mind knew that it was a good idea, but her stomach revolted against leaving him. Even for a week.
The next morning she received a text from Carmy to check her email. It was a partnership contract giving her half his share in The Bear. Another blow to her psyche. What did this mean? Why wasn’t he angry?
Texts:
Syd- Got the contract. Thank you. Need to think about it. Still going to stage at Ever next week.
Carm- Heard, Chef. Please come back. I will make things right.
Syd- Heard, Chef. I know Tina and Connor can handle it. Richie will run expo. See you in a couple hours.
So, he was going the begging route. She was glad this wasn’t in person; his pleading endless blue eyes wearing her down.
During the family meal Natalie pulled her aside to eat in her office.
“Carmy, told me you’re staging at Ever next week.”
“Yes, I’m sorry Nat. I just need a minute to think. I haven’t decided on anything yet.”
“Don’t apologize. I know Carmy isn’t the best at feelings. Like expressing them in a way that doesn’t make you insane.”
Nat stabbed her quiche, shaking her head in annoyance.
Sydney bit her lip nervously.
“Okay. Um, what else did he tell you?”
“Well, he called me really upset at midnight. He knows he messed up and made you feel responsible for his psycho behavior. He asked me what to do and I told him to talk to you. Has he?”
“No, he sent me a partnership contract. Do you know about that?”
“Yeah, because at 4am he sent a copy of it to me and hoped I wasn’t mad.”
“Well, I haven’t signed it. Are you okay with it? It’s your family’s place and I’d never do it without your approval too.”
“Sydney, you more than deserve a stake and you’re basically an honorary Berzatto by now. I hope you’re around forever. ”
“Wow, thanks Nat. But, I need time to think and space for a few days.”
“No problem. I love him to death, but I get it if you decide not to.”
The rest of the week Carmy was subdued and cautious. He stayed close to her as much as possible, but kept conversation to the minimum. It was “ Yes, Chef Sydney ,” “Got it Chef Sydney ,” and “ Heard, Chef Sydney .” Richie was disgusted with him and proud of her. He even told her so on her last night before staging.
“You’ve got balls, Syd. He’s not even pussy-whipped literally, and you’ve got him tamed. Same as when you quit.”
“Richie! I’m not trying to tame him. We need a reset and I have some things to think about. I won’t leave you all in a lurch…but I don’t know. I will be back next week.”
“Yeah, got it. I’d kill for a vacation in North Korea to get away from that punk sometimes. I know you’re going to love Ever, but please come back. His pitiful face is going to turn the food.”
“Sure, Richie. ”
That night after service Carmy approached Sydney timidly, his hand rubbing his chin raw.
“Hey Syd, you want a ride home?”
“Oh, Carm, that's okay. But thank you”
“Please, Syd. I won’t try to talk to you out staging tomorrow.”
Syd had kept her eyes fixed on cleaning her station since he approached, now relented, looking up.
“Okay.”
The first few minutes of the drive was silent until Sydney broke it.
“Tina and Connor are going to be great. This is actually good practice. Also, I’ve checked the inventory again and got ahead on what we need.”
Carmy nodded and glanced over.
“Have you been thinking about the partnership agreement?”
Sydney looked out the window and sighed heavily.
“Yes, almost every minute. I just don’t know if you understand what a partnership means.”
Carmy didn’t answer for what felt like an hour.
“I got that book, you know, the one on my non-negotiable list. Vibrant Collaboration. I’ve ordered copies for everyone. There’s-they’re in a box behind your seat. Take one. I’ll pass the rest out tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah…Chef Terry recommended it to me a long time ago. Never read it though. I should have. I guess you’ll get to see what it means in action.”
Sydney turned to look at his profile illuminated by the streetlights. Carmy’s faced was etched with sadness. The urge to cup his jaw flashed through her heart, but instead she said,
“More than a star or a good review from a food douche, what I want is a real partnership. Not just in word or in a contract. And I want a healthy kitchen.”
Carmy gripped the steering wheel and took a quick look at her, nodding furiously.
“You got it.”
A smile stole across her face and without thinking, she asked the question.
“So, what do you want?”
Carmy cocked his head inhaling heavily as he pulled up to her apartment. He parked and looked down at the wheel. The tension was so thick Sydney could’ve sworn there was a mist in the car blurring the dashboard clock. She unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbed a book, and moved to open the door. She wasn't sure if she was ready for the answer and it didn’t seem like Carmy was either.
“Good-”
“Syd, wait.”
Carmy’s voice was small.
“I wa-I want-,” Carmy stammered, his eyes darker and larger than usual, full of feeling.
“I want you.”
Syd kept one hand on the door, but she turned to face him. The impulse came back and this time she did hold his trembling jaw. A thrill of warmth traveled from her hand to her chest.
“I’ll see you in a week. Then we can figure out the partnership…and everything…”
Carmy reached up to hold her wrist, his thumb rubbing her pulse.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Sydney regretfully dropped her hand and got out of the car, but not without a second look. Carmen Berzatto, who would have thought that he wanted her? It was so simple. Now everything that had happened over the last year was starting to make sense. She’d spent hours trying to figure out what was going on in his head. One day she’d find out that it was obvious to Tina and Marcus. For tonight she wouldn’t think too hard. They had a long road ahead and she knew she wanted to stay on it.