Work Text:
Nightmares had not plagued Arlecchino’s sleep in quite some time. Most of her childhood, up until she was a young adult, she’d struggled to get half of a full night rest. Even after all those years, the visions and the screams would keep her hesitant to attempt sleeping some nights.
But she had to admit, sleeping beside Furina had been very peaceful. It felt as though she was shedding a beautiful, cleansing light on all the horrors. Showing Arlecchino that there was nothing to fear. Not anymore. But tonight, Furina was not able to chase the fear away. She was only fifteen weeks pregnant and dealing with her own sleeping issues. While Furina was always feeling very tired these days, she could not find it in her to fall asleep and stay asleep. Arlecchino had to be incredibly careful whenever she needed to get out of bed, since even the smallest movements on the mattress have been causing problems.
So, on this night, Arlecchino would need to handle the nightmares alone.
The process of getting out of bed had been far too slow. She kept her eyes on Furina the whole time, watching for the slightest stir. She moved the light blanket off of her torso and legs all while being sure that none of the soft fabric covering Furina shifted. Moving inch by inch, lifting herself painfully slowly, one foot at a time meeting the dark blue carpet. When she first moved into the House, Furina had been shocked, and frankly appalled, that Arlecchino had hardwood flooring in her bedroom. It was very quickly changed to a carpet that they both deemed acceptable.
Once completely stood up straight, Arlecchino made her way to their bedroom door, leaving to walk herself to the dining room.
As she made her way down the hallways, she found her eyes wandering to the photos that now adorned the walls. Another thing Furina requested when she moved in. She’d questioned why there were no pictures, no memories displayed. Arlecchino cared for her children, that much was obvious to Furina. At the time she had no idea why evidence of that connection wasn’t covering the home top to bottom.
The truth had been that Arlecchino was simply unaware that any of her children even wanted their pictures on the walls. Sure, she’d been given plenty of artwork over the years, but she placed them all in boxes for safe keeping. She’d received family photos, never consisting of everyone, but again chose to store them safely. Furina had told her some of the younger kids might have worried that she did not care about what they do on their personal time, so the two of them sorted through the boxes and boxes of papers. They found quite a number of photographs and impressive drawings that they placed into frames. The next morning the children were pleasantly surprised to be met with their gifts finally proudly on display. One day, there might not be any more room to display them all.
Arlecchino feared she may never stop receiving these little gifts. Or perhaps she feared a day in which she did stop receiving them.
She let her fingers gently brush across the frames. Her nails clinked softly on the decorative metals, carefully avoiding scratching the glass.
When she finally reached the dining room, she glanced around to make sure no one else had planned on sitting at the table to be alone with their thoughts.
No one in sight.
She pulled out her chair at the head of the table and let her body settle into the seat rather quickly. Attempting to sort through all the thoughts she had while having no choice but to be silent was simply not possible. She did not know herself to be particularly vocal whilst fighting those troubling memories, but she could not even sigh in frustration if she’d stayed in bed. It was obviously not Furina’s fault, and Arlecchino knew it would bother her wife to no end if she found her smothering away emotions at her own expense.
After years of pleading to nothingness that the horrible visions would leave her, Arlecchino learned to let them exist. She learned to accept the wrongs that were done, both by her and by forces outside of her control. But try as she might, the fear that she currently could not shake, surrounded her future.
With Furina now pregnant, she felt the resurgence of panic she once held heavily for her curse. She was unsure if the thing could be passed on to any biological child of hers. Perhaps that by Furina carrying, they would have nothing to worry about. Still, the uncertainty was eating at her mind. If the child was born and tragically tainted by a curse of fear and fire, the guilt would ruin her.
Already, Arlecchino felt immense guilt.
There was no guarantee that there was any issue, and yet.
And yet...
From the other side of the room, the floor creaked. Arlecchino stood instantly, ready to scold a child for sneaking up on her, or to get rid of a crafty intruder.
Surprisingly, there was Furina with a blanket draped over her shoulders. Her eyes were droopy, fighting against the exhaustion she no doubt felt being awake so early in the morning. She mumbled out a sound of confusion before slowly shuffling further into the dining room.
“My dear, what are you doing out of bed? Did I wake you?” Arlecchino met her in the middle, laying one hand on the shorter womans shoulder and the other on her cheek.
“No,” Furina yawned. “I needed to use the bathroom, but when I got back into bed I noticed you were gone. Figured you’d be out here. Just thinking to yourself.”
Well... she would need to find a new place to be alone with her thoughts seeing as Furina had noticed a trend.
“It really was nothing. I just had a nightmare. I simply needed to recollect myself before returning to you.” While not wholly untrue, there was a part of her that felt ashamed for wanting to hide in a lie. There would be no punishment for vulnerability, this she knew well.
Arlecchino felt a hand work its way up to her face, mirroring the affectionate touch she held to Furina.
“You know I understand you better than that, Arle. I’m aware that those nightmares never really did stop bothering you.” Furina’s eyes, as tired as they were, were filled with concern. “It’s alright to be scared.” The words were not unfamiliar. There’d been a time when Furina would need to remind her of this frequently. Not wanting to go back to sleep after reliving the screams of the dead, Arlecchino would go the rest of her day exhausted. Each time, she’d have to explain that it was just a bad dream. Furina didn't buy that excuse, not even once.
“It’s alright to be scared.” She would repeat it over and over, until it became true. It had been a long road to learning how to let down her walls, but oh how good Furina was at easing away the insecurities that haunted her so deep down.
Arlecchino practically collapsed in Furina’s arms. Without her heels, she was just barely a head taller than her wife and she settled comfortably against her.
“Sometimes, the voices in the dreams tell me that I will make the same mistake again. I’ve heard numerous times from them that I was not meant to be the Father of the House. And that I am certainly not meant to parent a child of my own blood. That all I'll do is hurt them.” She buried her face into Furina’s shoulder, almost appearing to be hiding from the words she spoke. “I am aware that they are just... fragments. They cannot affect me. Not truly. But that cannot stop them from digging their hands deep into my mind and picking apart that which keeps me happy.”
Ever the empathetic one, Furina pulled Arlecchino in closer. She wrapped her arms tightly around the sorry form before her, silently promising to not let go. “Your children are all beyond lucky that you found them. I’ve watched as the littlest ones warmed up to you. As they’ve dropped their guard. Even the ones that were terrified at the sight of you. Nothing in this world would ever make you hurt or betray them. They know this.” She combed her fingers through lightly distressed hair, a soothing action that did not go unappreciated. “And I know it too. I trust you, and I am not afraid of you, my love.”
The truth struggled to find its footing in the sea of lies that her mind would not stop sending her. Arlecchino was a rational person, this had always been a fact. She was not one to let her emotions get the better of her. These comforting words were true.
They were true.
They were...
But what if-
“But if this child inherits the curse, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for-”
“Then we’ll deal with it,” Furina interrupted. “As hard as it was, and still is, for you to keep it under control, we will help our baby in whatever way we can. And there’s still a chance it won’t even become an issue. Don’t lose hope just yet.”
Arlecchino sighed, low and exhausted, into the shoulder her face was still tucked against. “You are right. I’m sorry for letting my fears get the better of me.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she laughed out her response, “just promise that you won’t hide these thoughts from me. I want to help you.”
How foolish Arlecchino felt. Even after two years of marriage, she fought to be honest about the things that only her wife could protect her from. They’d told each other everything after falling in love years ago. Each detail about their pasts and their misfortunes. About their hopes and their regrets. Even with all the mistakes that weighed on them, they knew they would find peace together.
“I promise, Furina.” Arlecchino lifted herself slowly out of her grasp. “I won’t hide this from you again, you have my word. Now,” in one quick motion, she scooped her up into her arms, “would you like to return to bed?”
“Ohh yes, I would!” Furina threw her head back, almost going limp in anticipation of being back in a soft, warm bed. “I’m so lucky I have a big, strong wife to carry me around when I’m so sleepy.”
Arlecchino let out a breathy laugh at Furina’s teasing and headed back down the hallway leading to their bedroom.
As she walked, Furina’s arms hugging her around her neck, she glanced again at the photographs and drawings decorating the walls. She absorbed the images of happy faces and beautiful memories. For every child she failed, there were plenty more she’d saved. The very real losses would never feel any less painful, but things were different now.
There was joy and love.
And Furina.