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Liam shouldn't have left L.A.
At the time it hadn't seemed like a terrible idea, and besides which Louis had told him to go. "I'm just going mad with waiting anyway, you don't want to deal with me like that," Louis had said. "You'll be dead bored. Go home and play football with your dog, I'll see you again soon enough, Payno."
Louis had been so certain, and Liam always listened to him when he sounded like that. He hadn't realised what a huge mistake he'd made until after the plane had already taken off. Liam was terrible at waiting, it was true, but he wouldn't be better at it in Surrey, even with Watson to entertain him. If he was going to be waiting impatiently for days it would have been better to have been within driving distance for when the time came, at least.
The idea of flying back before the baby had even been born felt like defeat, though, so he gave himself projects. He kept working on various new songs in his studio at the house, and only allowed himself to check his phone every two hours for new texts and emails. He stayed off twitter completely, not wanting to get caught up in any of the rumours. When even the studio wasn't enough to keep his mind occupied, he called his parents and invited them down to stay with him. He'd been meaning to learn more recipes from his mum over the winter.
They had only just arrived the day before when he got the text from Louis.
it's time :)
Liam's hands were shaking, but he managed to reply. Shes had the baby?
He stared intently at the moving dots on his screen, waiting for Louis's response. no, we just arrived at hospital.
Liam wanted to keep texting him, wanted Louis to give him constant updates, a play-by-play of the whole thing. But Louis had more important things to think about than Liam right now. thinking of you bro. keep me updated.
will do Louis responded almost immediately.
Liam took a deep breath and made himself put the phone down, before picking it up again and calling his PA. He might not be able to do anything but wait for now, but he could have her get him and his parents booked on a flight. After that, though, the wait was unbearable. Somehow it was worse, now that he knew it could be happening right now, Louis's baby being born as he sat there like a lump on his sofa, no help at all. Knowing that he'd be just as useless if he were in L.A. didn't make him feel better at all.
He told his mum and dad that he'd booked them all tickets for Saturday because the baby was coming, and his mum started to tear up. "Mum, the baby hasn't even been born yet, no need to cry," he chided, but it was a bit of a relief to know he wasn't the only one feeling emotional.
"Don't worry, I'll cry again once we're out there," she said, and Liam had to laugh, because that was the surest bet he could ever make.
He dragged his dad outside to play fetch with Watson for an hour in the dwindling daylight, and then he went for a run after, the streets empty and a bit melancholy as evening slipped into night. He wanted to stay awake until he heard back from Louis, but it could be ages still. Maybe it was like Christmas; the earlier he went to bed, the sooner it would be the big day.
For once he didn't silence his phone when he went to bed, turning the ringer up and putting the phone on the side table. Then he climbed into bed and firmly told himself to go to sleep.
Eventually his body must have shut down from boredom alone, because he suddenly startled awake just past four in the morning. He didn't remember hearing anything, but his phone was lit up on the side table, and when he grabbed it there was a text notification showing.
It's a boy :)
Feeling wide awake, Liam shot back congratulations!!!!! and then added we'll be there Saturday night
whose we
me and mum and dad. if that's okay Liam had meant to ask Louis when he'd be ready for visitors, but it had sort of slipped his mind. He chewed on his lower lip, oddly nervous.
course it's okay. Mum will be out by then too
oh good Liam thought for a moment. hows briana doing?
tired but otherwise fine. she was a champ. Liam was about to respond but the next text quickly followed. listen I've got to run, but text me when you land?
of course. can't wait to meet him Liam hit send before he realised he didn't even know the baby's name. He forced himself to put the phone down; there would be time for that later, and Louis didn't need to be bothered.
*
They had got through security and were waiting in the lounge when Louis tweeted about his son Saturday morning. Liam wondered if Louis had slept yet, or if he was just powering through it all on adrenaline and love. He was still debating whether to tweet congratulations when Louis texted him a picture. His heart pounding, he opened it and stared at the tiny little fingers curled against a blue and white polkadot blanket. He wanted more, wanted to see his face, but this would tide him over for the next twelve hours.
Perfect, he texted, words failing. Just about to board.
See you soon.
Liam waited until he had got onto the plane before opening the picture again, not wanting to risk anyone seeing even this. He knew rationally that it wouldn't matter if someone did; the picture was so small, and no one could tell whose baby it was anyway. But he wanted to keep it just for himself, so he got settled and didn't open it again until Paddy was sat next to him and he could turn toward the window and block anyone's view. He hadn't known it was possible to feel this much love for a baby's fingers, but he was certain just from that one image that he was the most beautiful baby in the entire world. When he started to get choked up he put his phone on his lap and focused on his watch instead, winding it back to L.A. time.
He distracted himself further by taking a picture of his new hand tattoo, the edge of the flowers curving around the watch face. There was so much he wanted to caption it with, so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in his head, but in the end he stuck with the flower emoji. That would have to be enough for now.
He had a plan for the flight, since he could never sleep on planes and had to get through eleven hours somehow. The obvious solution was to do a Marvel movies rewatch, starting from the beginning with Iron Man. It was like being in some sort of suspended state of awareness, counting down the time by movies, with two breaks for meals. Thor had just ended when the captain announced they'd be landing in less than an hour, so he'd timed it perfectly. Now he was leaving one fantasy world for another one. He let himself look at the picture again.
It had been ages since he'd been a nervous flyer, so used to the routine that it had stopped feeling special or exciting. But his stomach was full of butterflies when they touched down at LAX, the nervous excitement and anticipation finally hitting his body with force. He didn't wait until they'd finished taxiing to the gate before he took his phone off airplane mode to text Louis. Landed.
Louis didn't text back right away, but he obviously had more to do than to stare at his phone all day. Liam waited until it was almost time to deplane and then sent a follow up. Going to take my parents to the hotel, but after that I'm free.
Texting Louis felt so strange. It never became a habit for them on tour, never necessary when he saw Louis every day. And now there was so much he wanted to say, and he didn't know how, even when Louis was an hour away by car instead of across the ocean. He felt alone and a bit lost, like when he'd wake up on the tour bus in the middle of the night and have no idea where he was.
His phone buzzed in his pocket while they were waiting for their bags. Come over and meet him whenever your free And suddenly nothing else mattered. Like always, Louis had managed to cut through to the heart of everything. Liam was there to the meet the baby.
The L.A.. traffic was typically bad, and by the time he'd got his parents settled at their hotel and had made his way across the valley to Louis's house it was late in the evening. The house was mostly dark, just a few lit rooms and a porchlight on, but Louis had told him to come by, and Liam was here. He knocked to give some warning before using the key Louis gave him to open the door. "Hello?" he called out softly.
"In here," Louis replied from the left, and Liam made his way into the house. He'd been there once or twice before, but it still didn't feel familiar to him yet. Even less familiar was the small moses basket in front of the sofa in the living room. Louis's smile, though, that felt like the most familiar sight in the world.
Liam didn't say a word, just put his bag down on the floor and opened his arms to sweep Louis up into a hug, their bodies fitting together again in an instant. Louis's face was pressed against Liam's neck, and Liam held him there, hand clasping the back of Louis's head, his hair soft against his fingers. They stood there for a minute or five or ten, gently swaying back and forth, Louis's fingers digging into Liam's back.
When Liam felt like he could bear to let Louis go, he kissed his cheek and slowly pulled away, his hands resting on Louis's shoulders. He had no idea what his face must look like, but Louis looked quietly happy in a way Liam had never seen before.
Liam had just opened his mouth to speak when Louis put his finger up to his lips. "Not too loud, he's asleep."
"Shouldn't you be sleeping, too, then?" Liam asked quietly. That was a thing, he was sure of it, new parents trying to nap when the baby did.
"I was waiting for you," Louis said simply. Liam's heart was pounding so loudly in his chest he was sure that would wake the baby. "Do you want to see him?"
Liam must have made a face, because Louis grinned and then looked down. "Of course I want to see him. Came all the way from England just to see him."
"Well, come on, then," Louis said, and they walked over to the moses basket together. "Briana's asleep in one of the guest rooms."
"See, she's napping," Liam said, and then he saw the baby's face for the first time and he forgot everything else.
He was so small he barely looked real, with a perfect button nose and chubby cheeks. One of his arms was flung up next to his head, a tiny fist pressed next to his eye. Liam could see his chest moving up and down as he breathed, but he was overcome with the urge to put his hand on his belly, to make sure everything was fine.
Liam loved him so much his chest ached with it.
"He's beautiful, Lou," he said softly, not taking his eyes off him. "What's his name?"
"We don't know." Startled, Liam turned away from the baby to stare at Louis. Louis was still gazing down at his son. "Haven't decided on that yet."
"You've had months, though," Liam said, confusion ringing through his voice.
"I know, I just, I assumed he'd be a girl," Louis said, finally looking at Liam. He shrugged. "I knew he could be a boy, but I have so many sisters, and I always just thought I'd have a little girl. So I never really cared when we talked about boy names, and then he was born, and." Louis stopped, looking back down at the baby.
"And what?" Liam finally asked.
"Nothing seemed right," Louis said softly. "Nothing was good enough for him. It wasn't just me who felt that way," he said, glancing over at Liam. "Briana did, too. But we'll figure it out."
"I'm sure you will," Liam said. He looked down at the baby again, trying to see if any names popped into his head that fit Louis's son perfectly. "I'm trying to think of names, but the only words that come to mind are 'baby' and 'perfect' and 'beautiful'," he said sheepishly after a moment. He really had thought that he might have a moment of eureka, just like a part of him was still waiting for his latent superpowers to show up.
"That's my problem, too," Louis said. He stepped away from the moses basket, and Liam followed him out toward the hall, where they'd be less likely to disturb the baby.
"You'll figure it out," Liam said. "When you find the right name, it'll just feel, well, right."
"That's what I'm hoping," Louis said. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at his feet. "I didn't think it would feel so different."
"What felt different?"
Louis looked up at him. "When I held him for the first time. I've held all my siblings right after they were born, and they all felt like they were mine and I loved them so much, and I just. Everyone told me it would be different with my own kid, but."
"You didn't quite believe them?" Liam asked softly.
Louis shrugged. "I just didn't know," he said finally, sounding like he still didn't believe it. "And then they put him in my arms and it was like everything in my life had been leading up to that moment, because nothing had ever felt like that." His voice had started to crack. "Like when I held my son."
"Louis," Liam said helplessly, and he took the half step necessary to tug Louis into his arms again. "You're a dad."
Louis choked out a laugh against Liam's neck and somehow burrowed closer. "I am."
"You're his dad," Liam went on, "and no matter what you name him or what you thought you knew before you had him, you're going to be the best dad you can be. Because he's yours."
"I'm sorry I told you to leave," Louis said, his voice so muffled against Liam's skin that it took Liam a moment to parse what he said.
"Don't know why I listened to you," Liam teased, and held Louis more tightly.
Louis let out a sigh, finally relaxing into the hug. "I guess what I mean is thank you for coming back."
"Of course," Liam said, and that was when they heard a tiny squawk from across the room.
"Someone's awake," Louis said, pulling out of the hug and walking over to the moses basket. "Do you want to hold him?" Louis asked, and Liam nodded silently and followed him, feeling like this entire day was happening in a dream.
Louis leaned over the moses basket and carefully picked up his son, his hand supporting his neck and head, and he put him in Liam's arms like he belonged there.
Liam's right hand cradled the baby's entire bum, his torso and head fitting along his forearm. His tiny legs were pulled in close to his body, and Liam rested his left hand on top of his little knees, holding him steady. He weighed practically nothing, so small and delicate Liam hardly wanted even to breathe. "Hi, baby," he said finally. "I'm your uncle Liam." The baby stared back at him with slightly crossed eyes, the colour of the irises still a bit cloudy. "I think he's gonna have your eyes," Liam said shakily.
"We'll see what colour they end up as," Louis said, but Liam was certain of it. He could see so much of Louis in his face already. He knew it wasn't the same and that he couldn't possibly understand it in the same way, but he suddenly knew how Louis could have been unprepared for what it felt like to hold him.
"He's perfect," Liam said. "Look at him breathe."
"That's about all he can do at this point," Louis said, but Liam could hear the pride in his voice. "Although he did manage to wee on me mid-nappy change today, so that's an impressive trick."
"Excellent aim already," Liam said, gazing down at him.
"He likes being held higher against your chest," Louis said, and Liam nodded and repositioned him, one hand still supporting his bum and his other hand steady behind his head, until the baby was tucked against his shoulder, his face against Liam's neck. Liam closed his eyes and brushed his cheek against his head, breathing in his sweet powdery scent.
"I'll just hold him forever, is that alright?" Liam asked, joking but also not.
"He'll need to learn to walk eventually," Louis said. "Otherwise how can he play football?"
"Only for that, then," Liam decided. He opened his eyes and looked at Louis, who was gazing back at the two of them with a look of pride and love and something Liam couldn't name in his eyes.
"I'm glad you came home, Liam," Louis said, and even though Liam had never lived in L.A. or thought he might in the future, home was exactly the way Liam felt.