Chapter Text
He tried to leave to go upstairs. They didn’t even let him stand up.
“You are not standing up in that state. Especially not to use stairs.” Don scolded.
Raph picked him up instead. He fought him the entire way up.
“Will ya quit it? Yer gonna make me fall down da stairs.” Raph grunted.
It was only because Adam was too weak and dizzy now that he couldn’t get free on time. Raph plopped him on the makeshift bed upstairs. He tried replacing the blanket on him but Adam swiped his attempts away until he gave up. He turned to his side, away from them until they left him alone.
“I mean it, no walking, using your feet, or leaving the room until I say so.” Don threatened just before leaving.
Adam huffed. He didn’t want to be near any of them anyway. He didn’t deserve it. They were treating him like nothing happened except that he was now made of glass. No thanks.
Mickey eventually slid back up. He sat near Adam and tried to pet him. Adam slapped his hand away. There was a pause. Then Mickey tried again. He slapped it again. There was a grin that crossed Mickey’s face, and he chuckled as he tried with both hands, poking him left and right, on his ribs, his neck, his face. Adam’s attempts to stop him were in vain as he simply kept pushing. Mickey laughed at him.
Adam didn’t have time to write to him to stop. Mickey was playing with him like he was a toy . One of those teddy bears as opposed to a real grizzly one. It really irked Adam the wrong way. Why wouldn’t he just leave him alone?
He pushed Mickey. Hard.
Mickey slid on the floor and froze. Tears were already rolling on Adam’s face and he turned around to hide them. Mickey slowly stood up.
“Sorry. I thought it would cheer you up. I…” Mickey paused. “Sorry.” He finally said before running back downstairs.
Great. Now he’d made Mickey cry too.
What was wrong with him?? They were just trying to help, and he couldn’t seem to be able to stop himself from hurting them. Physically and emotionally. He was horrible.
He tried to sleep, but it just… wouldn’t come. He kept ruminating about the last few days. His emotions were all out of whack. He wanted to be left alone but didn't, he wanted their affections but didn’t feel like he deserved them, he wanted to be treated with fear or anger, and at the same time, he didn’t want them to be afraid of him. He wanted to be helped, but couldn’t accept it. They were treating him like a baby, and he both liked and didn’t like it at the same time.
Raph went up the stairs, tiptoeing just behind his back.
“Listen, I uh… I wanted ta apologize.” He said. “Adam, I’m sorry I forced ya so much. I didn’t think ya would hate it so much. I thought I was helpin’, ya know?”
He didn’t hate it. And at the same time he did.
“I just want ya ta know, I won’t force carry ya anymore.” Raph added.
Wait. But he liked those. Even if he would fight them at the time. He looked back at him in sorrow.
“Wait… ya want me ta carry ya?” Raph asked.
He looked away.
“Now I’m confused. Ya want it or nan?”
Adam looked around.
“I’ll do what ya want. Just tell me what it is.”
“ I don’t know! ” Adam finally replied. “ Just… I don’t know, ok? Just leave me alone. All of u .”
“...Right.” Raph answered after a minute. “I’ll uh… leave ya ta rest. If ya need us, ya can always write.” He stated before going down the stairs.
And thus Adam was alone again. As he should be.
Until Don came along. He sat in front of Adam, who was still laying on his side, purposefully ignoring everything around him, and started scribbling some designs. At first he was silent, but Adam knew it wouldn’t last. A few minutes later, he was proven right when Don showed him what he was writing.
“What do you think? I was thinking we could change those pieces for your cycle. It would be a bit thicker, but it would make it a little bit more quiet and lessen the vibrations.” He started rambling.
Adam looked away.
“Do you… not like it?” Don asked. “I mean we don’t have to do it, it was just a suggestion. Maybe you would… want to change it a bit? I mean it’s possible I may have forgotten something…”
Adam frowned. They just wouldn’t leave him alone, would they? He didn’t care about his cycle right now. He didn’t want them to just act as if nothing had happened. But he also didn’t want any special treatment. And right now, it felt like he was having both at the same time.
“...You’re right.” Don said sadly. “You uh… It’s your cycle. You probably want to be the one designing it. Forget I said anything.”
He crumbled his paper and tossed it on the floor further away. Before Adam could react, he was gone again.
Now Adam felt even worse. This was the third person he’d ruined the mood of just by existing around them. He crawled to the paper to avoid standing up, per Doctor’s orders, and returned to his nest with it. He unwrapped it and stared at it. His eyes were too blurry to make out the details but it was… fine. It was fine. He could’ve worked with it. Would’ve appreciated the lesser noise and vibrations. But he’d acted like a dick and it had completely sapped all motivation out of Don to the point where he didn’t even want to try it anymore.
Adam flattened the paper as best he could and placed it in the middle of the stack of other designs to keep it straight. He turned back to his other side to watch the stairs. Who would it be next? Leo?
An hour later he had his answer when April showed up, baby in hand. Ellie was the last person he wanted to see right now. He’d ruin her mood too. He didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve to be sad because of him.
He ignored them.
“Hi Adam. How are you feeling?” April asked as if she didn’t know. “I have someone here who wanted to see y-”
“Daddy!” Ellie yelled before April could even finish her sentence.
April deposited her in front of Adam’s face. He watched her as she waddled to him, placing a hand on his beak. He didn’t move. He just cried. Anything he would have tried to do would have hurt her. So he didn’t. She continued patting his face to get his attention, but he simply… couldn’t be near her right now. He just couldn’t. He was dangerous, and overemotional. And she was just a baby. His precious little one. He couldn’t.
He picked up the handmade blanket that had been partially on him and tossed it on her. She giggled and explored the new burrow while he scooted away from her and curled up. April tried to touch him but he heavily twitched and backed away some more.
“Sorry, I should have asked.” April quickly apologized.
She turned around and picked up Ellie from under the sheet.
“Daddy’s a bit tired right now. Let’s let him rest, alright?” She told her calmly. “Say bye bye.” She waved Ellie’s hand for her.
Ellie didn’t reply, but it was for the better, he was certain it would have broken him. The blanket stayed firmly off of him after that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He spent the rest of the afternoon feeling worse and worse at every minute. His stomach kept rumbling, but despite that, he was still not feeling hungry. The single granola bar and glass of juice had made him almost sicker, though he was certain it was more due to the rest of the problems around him. Or, the problems he was creating. He was a mess.
Mickey came in during dinner with a plate in hand and another juice.
“Hey Adam. Are you hungry?” He asked. Adam ignored him.
“Here.” Mickey placed the plate in front of him. Adam turned to his other side. “You gotta eat something. Nobody can live off one snack a day, and you didn’t even eat anything yesterday.”
He moved to face Adam again. Adam turned back towards the stairs.
“Don says you have to at least drink the juice and eat half of your plate.” Mickey insisted. “And you know how Don gets when people don’t follow his doctor orders.” He tried to joke.
It failed.
Mickey tried a few more times. “Come on. I can hear your stomach grumbling. I know you’re hungry. I can bring you something else if you’d prefer. Anything you want. Just tell me.”
And there was the special treatment he didn’t deserve. He turned away. Mickey sighed. He left the plate and glass in front of the stairs.
“Just try to eat something, okay?” He told him before leaving.
Adam turned to the other side.
Half an hour later, Don came up. The plate was still untouched, as was the drink. He sighed.
“Adam, I can’t let you stand up and leave the bed until you eat something.” He tried. “It’s not healthy. You could pass out at this point. If you don’t want to eat for yourself, then maybe do it for us? For Ellie? She needs her father, you know. She misses you.”
It couldn’t be that bad, she had four uncles and two humans to replace him. They were more than enough, and less dangerous too. Leatherhead wouldn’t have kids, wouldn’t even live with them. So why should he when he could be just as dangerous?
Leo joined them. Don didn’t have to tell him anything, Leo instantly spotted the uneaten food and understood.
“Please don’t wait until you pass out to eat.” Don pleaded. “I don’t have any IVs or proper equipment to help you if something happens.”
“This isn’t a healthy way of thinking.” Leo added. “Trust me on that. It will only lead you downwards. Let us help you. You’re worth it.”
Don tried to touch his shoulder. He moved further away and curled up some more.
“We don’t like to see you like this.” He said. “Please. You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, and you’re not letting anyone in. This is just going to make you depressed. It won’t help anything. You’ll just be miserable.”
He ignored them. He deserved it.
The other two sighed and walked back to the stairs.
“We won’t stop trying.” Leo warned him
Adam sighed once they were gone. He was starting to realize that on his own too. He was stubborn, but they were way more people. They could divide and conquer.
He was awful. He was making them do extra work for him. Instead of having fun on their own, they were sad, angry, and actively trying to get him to cooperate. And he was obstinately shoving all attempts away, making them go out of their way to push on. He should have just let them do what they wanted and eaten the food. He could have pretended everything was fine and just listened to them.
Except he couldn’t. Because he was a terrible liar. He could never hide his feelings for long. They’d live longer than him with emotions, they were far more experienced at reading them than he was at faking them.
He was so stupid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was two hours after that that the turtle team returned in force. Ellie was already sleeping by then and was placed in her tiny nest. Adam watched them climb the stairs. They weren’t there to go to sleep, it was obvious. They were making one last stand against him. Like he was a difficult level to conquer in one of Mickey’s video games.
“Hey Adam.” Mickey started.
Here we go again.
“Listen, there’s this place we wanna go check out.” Mickey continued. “But since you still haven’t eaten and you won’t listen to us, you have to come with us.”
“We can’t risk you deciding on trying to go down the stairs on your own or something while we are gone.” Don added.
“Plus you’ll like it! I promise.” Mickey finished.
He looked away and didn’t answer. It was a bad trend of him that day it seemed.
Raph kneeled in front of him. He very carefully made a move to pick him up. Adam promptly slapped his hands away. Instead of retreating or persisting like he’d have expected, Raph merely stopped mid movement and waited. Mickey crouched near them.
“Come on. Today’s the only day we can do this.” Mickey begged. “We can’t do it without you.”
Adam suspected he was lying.
Mickey moved his hand to Adam’s knee. Adam twitched. Mickey stopped for a few seconds, his hand hovering above his skin. Then, he gently re-tried.
Maybe it was the fact they were all there. Maybe it was just because he hadn’t actually slept for almost two days and was too exhausted to fight it anymore. Or maybe it was because he secretly wanted to be selfish.
He let Mickey rub his knee gently.
“It can’t be that comfortable to stay in bed all day.” He continued, his voice a lot more calm and composed. “Let Raph carry you? Please?”
He sounded so genuinely sad. Adam looked away. He didn’t want to see his face. It was making him feel guilty. It was his fault they looked so desperate and disappointed. He was a disappointment.
Tears silently fell from his eyes. He was glad they didn’t try clearing them up.
Raph ever so slowly resumed trying to pick him up. He moved an arm under his legs and another around his shoulders. When Adam didn’t stir, he gently turned him to his back before pulling him on himself.
Nobody said anything.
Raph carried him down the stairs and they followed the other three out of the house. They walked through the woods, in the opposite direction this time than the lake was. Adam watched in mild curiosity as they continued further through the darkness of the night.
When they arrived at their obvious destination, he couldn’t help but gaze around.
“This small field is hidden between the mountains and the river.” Don explained. “It’s covered in plants that attract fireflies all night.”
The entire field was lit up by tiny fireflies moving through the sky at the perfect height for them to walk around. The others carefully reached a spot, trying not to scare them away, and sat in a close circle, leaving a good view for Adam to observe. The night was completely dark, clouds mostly covering the sky, contrasting perfectly with the tiny specs of brightness fluttering about. Adam almost wanted to cry again.
Raph got more comfortable, keeping him in his tender grip. He started petting his plastron in large and soothing back and forths. Adam moved his arms out of the way to let him.
“We always try to go there at least once during each vacation.” Leo said. “The best moments are a day or two after it rained, enough that the grass is dry but the air is still humid.”
“Aka, today!” Mickey exclaimed. His loud tone scared some of the flies but they quickly returned. He gave a silent apology for the disturbance.
They chit chatted quietly between each other, Raph never stopping his petting. All the dark thoughts Adam kept ruminating about slowly faded away as the sounds of joy and calming forest crickets made it to his ears. Don subtly moved next to Raph and started rubbing at his head like Leo often did. Next it was Mickey grabbing his hand and holding it strongly, followed by Leo rubbing his leg.
Adam laughed wryly.
“ I’ve been acting like a child, haven’t I? ” He asked them.
“Maybe.” Don chuckled.
“Don’t worry about it.” Mickey reassured. “Considering how well you act all the other days, you’re allowed a few bad days.”
“Hmm-mm.” Don nodded. “Since you show your happiness in extremes, it makes sense that when you’re in a bad mood, you’re in a really bad mood.”
“... Thought u didn’t respect me .” Adam admitted. “ Wouldn’t respect me either after the last 2 days .”
“What? That’s bogus.” Mickey instantly waved off. “We still respect you.”
“Just because you weren’t at your best for a while doesn’t mean you’re not worth respecting.” Leo assured.
“ U should be afraid of me. Could be dangerous. But u just laughed at me .”
“We didn’t laugh at you.” Don replied. “We were trying to laugh with you.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to make it feel like we were joking at your expense.” Mickey apologized.
“ Get it. Was acting like a child .” Adam shook his head. “ Was stupid .”
“Eh, we already got Mickey here actin’ like a child all da time. What’s one more?” Raph joked.
“Hey! I’m not a child!” Mickey whined. “And what about Ellie?”
“Nan, Ellie’s da baby . Yer da child .” Raph said as he ruffled the top of Mickey’s head.
Mickey waved his hands off, sticking his tongue at Raph. The others chuckled. Adam smiled for the first time of the day.
They remained in silence, watching the contrasting moving lights in the pitch black background. Mickey eventually laid his head onto Adam’s shoulders. The others continued their smooth, calm, and gentle pets.
Adam’s mind finally managed to slow to a crawl. He took it all in. He was tired. He’d acted like an idiot, but the others weren’t mad at him for it. They weren’t scared either. They just wanted things back to normal. He'd wanted it too, he just wasn’t able to stop himself to make it happen. Until now.
He closed his eyes. He was just about to fall asleep when he felt something on his lips. He reopened them to see what it was. Don was holding a piece of cracker with some meat on it. He smiled at Adam.
“Eat something?” Don hoped. “Before you pass out for who knows how long.”
Adam sighed and took it. It was one of those things he had been the most childish to deny. They’d made the food already, his stomach wanted it, he should’ve taken it.
He was now rectifying that.
He considered grabbing the food with his own hands, since he could, but Mickey was holding the closest one, and the other one was tucked behind Raph’s arm, which was still moving up and down, scratching lightly at the scutes on his plastron.
He guessed he could be treated like a child a little longer.
He took Don’s food and drinks until his body decided it preferred sleep. Which didn’t take that long, but at least he ate.
He closed his eyes and they shuffled just a little closer.
He was home.