Chapter Text
Betelgeuse and Lydia stood in a loving embrace on the balcony, as the sun died against the horizon. Betelgeuse rocked gently back and forth with his wife in his arms, still reeling from the news of the new baby. Bellatrix’s conception was also a shock, and was met with a bit of unease. But as the couple settled into their 7th year of marriage this news was met with optimism, and a hint of trepidation.
Lydia looked up at her husband. “I honestly didn’t think I could get pregnant again.”
Betelgeuse kissed her. “I know, I just assumed the baby making factory was closed.”
She pulled herself away. “I should make dinner. Can you go talk to Bellatrix about her language?”
“Oh shit, yeah, forgot about that.” He realized he had sent Bellatrix to her room for dropping an f-bomb earlier. He made his way up the stairs and gently opened the door to his daughter’s room. Bellatrix was sitting in bed, head buried in a pillow, feeling a combination of sad and angry. He sat beside her and patted her on the back. “Hey ghoul girl. Relax, you aren’t in trouble. You’ve just got to learn to control your language.”
She looked up. “You say that word every day of your afterlife! It’s not fair!”
“Hey, I also work and pay the bills. I’ve earned my right to cuss. When you’re a grownup you can swear all you want. But for now, at least try to beep yourself.”
Bellatrix let out a string of swears. “F*** s*** a** b****.”
“You’d be a network censor’s dream.” He looked at his daughter with an expression of love and adoration. He realized that soon she would have to share his attention with a new baby, and how she might not be a big fan of that, and felt like now would be a good time to bond with her as much as he can. “Want to have some fun while mom’s making dinner?”
“Yes!” Bellatrix got up and ran to her mom and dad’s bathroom, grabbing an armful of her mother’s makeup and beauty supplies. She sprinted back into her room, “Alright daddy, I’m going to give you a makeover!”
She proceeded to improve her dad’s ghastly appearance with the enthusiasm only a 6 year old girl could offer. Placing bows in his mossy blonde hair, applying her mom’s concealer to his dark undereye circles, and adorning his lips with her mother’s crimson red lipstick. Betelgeuse didn’t mind, taking his like a champ and making salon gossip and small talk with his little girl.
“So B, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Bellatrix paused from applying red nail polish to his crooked long nails and cuticles. “I want to be a bio-exorcist like you.”
“You have to be dead to do that though. You’re only half a ghost.”
“Well maybe I can make myself die someday?”
His head bolted up. “Bellatrix Andromeda Deetz don’t ever say that! You are going to have a long and happy natural life.”
Her voice got a little quiet. “Sorry daddy.” She continued to paint his nails. “Daddy, what’s it like to die?”
He paused for a moment, recalling his own death and his horrible final moments lying on a stone floor covered in the blood of Delores. “Well...it’s like going to sleep. It’s calm and peaceful.” He recoiled at uttering this lie to his daughter. He did not go peacefully into his goodnight, he went clawing and screaming.
Lydia entered the room and upon seeing Betelgeuse she let out a deep laugh. “Oh my god Beej, you look...”
“Fabulous, right?”
Lydia laughed. “Yes, you look fabulous. Dinner’s ready, come downstairs you two.”
Dinner concluded and Bellatrix was tucked into bed with her pal Mr. Spooky at her side. Betelgeuse was loudly singing in the shower, washing off Bellatrix’s makeup while Lydia stood at the sink applying her nightly skincare routine. She looked in the mirror woefully examining her now grain hair and wrinkles on her face. Her reproductive organs obviously didn’t get the memo that she was now an old lady. She sighed deeply as Betelgeuse stepped out of the shower. Noticing her discomfort, he kissed her on the cheek. “You’re the most beautiful creature I ever laid my eyes on, babes.”
They headed into bed and turned on the tv. The evening was the only time the two could catch up on their ‘grown-up’ shows. Betelgeuse crawled in next to Lydia, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her gently.
“I did a bad thing today, Lyds. I lied to our daughter.”
“What did you say?”
“Well, she asked about dying and I told her it’s like going to sleep. I guess it’s different for everybody but when I died it wasn’t pleasant. I feel bad. I should have told her the truth.”
“Well, if you did she might be afraid to die.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want her thinking it’s a walk in the park either. She made a comment about wanting to be dead like me, and I’m a little worried babes. You know how she gets when she’s upset. I don’t want her getting so sad someday and thinking she can exit early. Know what I mean?” He was of course, referring to Bellatrix’s extreme mood swings. How she could be elated one moment and despondent the next, over the smallest little things. At first, her parents attributed this to just being a toddler, but as it continued into her childhood it became worrisome. After getting kicked out of three preschools Lydia begged Betelgeuse to take her to a doctor. Begrudgingly, he accepted, and after many tests and interviews they were only given the conclusion that she potentially has Borderline Personality Disorder, but she was a little young to be sure. For a while, it was helped by her cat Mr. Spooky being her ESA, traveling with her everywhere. He was able to soothe and calm her down when she was angry or upset. Unfortunately, her school wouldn’t allow him to go to class with her anymore, stating one of her classmates was allergic to cats. This issue being compounded by Betelgeuse telling the principal “this kid’s genes are weak and natural selection should take care of him” earning him a banishment from her elementary school.
“I think we’ll cross that bridge when she gets older.” She rested herself in his arms as he stroked her belly. From the instant he found out she was pregnant again his protective paternal instincts kicked in, and he felt this subconscious urge to protect his beloved wife. Lydia rested her head on his chest. She had grown to love him so much over the course of their marriage, and saw him as her loving protector that she blessed with the opportunity to father her children.
He looked up at the tv. “God, that Skylar is such a bitch.” They were on season 1 of Breaking Bad.
“Do you blame her? Her husband is making meth.”
“Hey, I’d do the same thing for you and the kids.” He started stroking her gently, moving his hands around her curves. Gradually switching gears from gentle caresses to foreplay.
Lydia tried to pause this. “I just wish Bellatrix had a friend, Beej. I think she gets really lonely at school. And she acts out for attention.”
“Ahh, the other kids are assholes, not good enough for my girl. Someday someone will come along and make friends with B.”
Lydia sighed. “I hope soon...”
Havenwood Elementary school was a moderately sized public school. Educating children grades K-6 all under one building. It wasn’t much different from any other school in the suburbs, rife with children of all shapes and sizes being managed by overstressed and underpaid teachers. But no teacher felt the strain like Mrs. Harter, first grade teacher near retirement.
“Tabitha, can you stand up and read the first page of our book?”
A little girl with long brown hair and a pink dress stood up to read. “Once upon a time, there was a tiny ladybug named Lila. She had bright red wings with black spots and lived in a sunny garden. Lila loved to fly around and explore the flowers. One day, she found a sad little caterpillar named Thomas. He felt alone, so Lila decided to help him.”
“Wonderful Tabitha. Bellatrix can you read the next page?”
From the back of the classroom Bellatrix stood up. “Lila and Thomas decided to go to a Mexican restaurant where they ordered the fish tacos. On the ride home they started vomiting and pooping all over the car so bad that they both died. Their dead bodies served as a reminder to other bugs to never eat fish tacos. The end.” Bellatrix smiled brightly as a few of her classmates giggled.
Mrs. Harter rubbed her head. “Miss Deetz, that is not what the book says.”
“I know, but the story was boring, and I improved it! It needed a strong moral lesson.”
“Sit down.”
This was a common occurrence for Bellatrix. Her teachers all said she had an uncommon intellect for someone her age, but she often became bored and restless in class and made frequent outbursts to entertain herself. Sure, sometimes the other students laughed but for the most part she was despised by her class. She ruined many fieldtrips with her bad behavior, disrupted many lessons, and annoyed everyone around her. Much like her father was seen as the afterlife’s biggest pest, his daughter enjoyed spending her days torturing the living.
As the lesson continued Principal Richmond entered the room. “Hello class, are we learning a lot today?”
“Yes, Principal Richmond.” the class cheerfully said in unison. Bellatrix made a gagging face and started to doodle on her desk. She spent many hours in the principal’s office and was not a big fan of Principal Richmond and took every opportunity she could to mock her.
“Today you have a new classmate. Please welcome Charlie Hendrix.” Nervously he made his way through the door. He was a small statured little boy with frail limbs and slightly contorted arms, with short auburn hair, bowl cut above his eyebrows. But the most remarkable thing was that he was in a motorized wheelchair, this caught the attention of the class.
“Charlie, tell the class about yourself?”
He looked up nervously. “Well...my mom and I just moved here from New Jersey. To be near the children’s hospital.” He speech was slightly slurred and stuttered a bit.
“And Charlie, can you tell the class about your condition?”
He didn’t like being put on the spot in front of all these new eyes, or being made to feel different than other kids. “I have cerebral palsy.”
“Class, this means Charlie was born with a condition that makes it hard for him to walk, talk, and use his hands. But he can do all sorts of amazing things, just in his own special way.” She made a big cheesy smile which Charlie slightly recoiled at.
“Wonderful, nice to meet you Charlie. I’m your new teacher Mrs. Harter. Please take a seat at the back of the class.”
One of the little boys shouted. “He already has a seat!” Everyone laughed except Bellatrix. The adults in the room ignored this jab, as they often did, but Bellatrix was all too familiar with hearing jeers from kids in school about her own ghoulish appearance closely mimicking her father’s. Charlie made his way to the back of the room next to her, she stared at him with fascination and awe as he looked at her strangely, unsure what to think of this dark eyed girl.
Lunchtime approached. The children made their way to the cafeteria and settled into their seats. The students naturally sorted themselves by class with little clique subdivisions. Unsure of where he fell in the pecking line Charlie wheeled himself to a far table by himself, struggling to carry his lunch tray. As he settled himself Bellatrix approached, lunchbox in hand. She smiled brightly at him.
“HELLO...CHARLIE...HOW...ARE...YOU...TODAY?” Bellatrix asked in a loud and choppy way of speaking.
He rolled his eyes. “Why are you speaking that way? I’m disabled. I’m not retarded.”
“Oh, okay!” Sat down next to his chair and dug out the contents from her lunchbox. “Would you be interested in a trade? My mom likes to pack this sugar free organic shit because it helps my mood. But I think it’s gross! I’ll trade you this sugar free orange Jello for your brownie.”
“No thanks.”
“Figures.” She rolled her eyes and started to eat. “I’m Bellatrix Deetz by the way. I think we should be friends. We’re both weird.”
“I’m not weird!”
“It's ok. There’s nothing wrong with being weird. My dad says ‘weird people make life interesting.’ Hey, check this out.” She put one of her carrot sticks on the edge of her spoon and slammed her fist against the table, sending it flying into the air and landing on the head of a 5th grader.
The student turned around. “Alright, whoever threw that carrot, your mom’s a hoe!”
Bellatrix laughed loudly. “Everyone in this school is stupid except you and me. Hey, you need a nickname. I’m going to call you Wheels from now on.”
He was unsure how to respond. “Uhh...ok. Should I come up with a nickname for you.”
She sent another carrot flying through the air. “I already have one. People call me annoying.” She picked up the rest of the carrots tossing them around the cafeteria. “I don’t eat vegetables, they make better projectiles.”
One of the teachers approached the table, handful of carrots in hand. “Bellatrix Andromeda Deetz, are you throwing food again?!”
She made a crooked grin. “My name’s not on it, you can’t prove it was me.”
“Wipe that nasty smirk off your face! In my 32 years of teaching, I have never met such a naughty little girl as you.” She grabbed Bellatrix’s arm and stood her up. “You’re spending the rest of the lunch period in detention.” She turned to Charlie. “Little boy, stay away from this girl! She is a bad influence!”
As she dragged Bellatrix away she waved to him. “See you later Wheels.”
The 3:30 bell rang and the students ran out of the building to make their ways home. Dozens of kids filtered onto the school buses. This was the favorite part of Bellatrix’s day. The school bus was her stage, filled with older kids from different classes for her to annoy with her sharp tongue. Forbidden by her parents to use her powers at school, her mouth became her strongest weapon, and the bus was her proving grounds. The door creaked open and she leapt over the steps, smiling to her new audience.
“SALUTATIONS MOTHERFUCKERS!”
72 year old retiree Gary Hubbard, the bus driver turned to her. Relatively unphased by the 6 year old’s language. “Bellatrix take your seat and be quiet. I’m not dealing with another one of your outbursts today.” At this point of his life, he could care less how kids behaved on his bus.
Her eyes focused on the back of the bus. Charlie was in the very back row in the handicap accessible seat, surrounded by vicious 6th graders on the cusp of puberty. She sprinted to the seat next to him and sat down.
“Wheels, don’t you know you’re sitting in the lions den?! This is where the nastiest, most vicious kids sit.”
“I don’t have a choice to sit somewhere else. Incase you’ve forgotten I’m in a wheelchair.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”
As soon as she spoke she was surrounded by three kids, twins Tyrone and Marcus and a large husky boy named Eric. “Well, well, well. What do we have here? Racoon eyes and a cripple.” Said Eric with a snark.
Bellatrix looked at her three targets. “I must be in Las Vegas, because I see two spades and a queen.”
The twins recoiled. “Shut up, you little racist.”
“I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.”
Eric became angry. “What do you mean a queen?”
“I can tell by that shirt that you enjoy the company of other men. Ever since your uncle snuck into your room at night and sent you on this downward spiral.”
“Shut up! You know what raccoon eyes? You are stupid, ugly...”
“WAIT WAIT WAIT! HOLD ON LET ME WRITE THIS DOWN!” She reached into her backpack and pulled out a notebook. “Please continue.”
“You are stupid, ugly, and you smell.”
She finished writing. “Alright, I think I got that. I am stupid, ugly, and I smell. I’m learning all kinds of new things about myself today! Go on.”
“That purple dress you’re wearing makes you look like a turnip.”
“Aww, that’s cute. But I’m an adorable little turnip, aren’t I?”
One of the twins spoke up. “Doesn’t your mom host that tv show about ghosts?”
“Not anymore. But she still gets paid for it.”
The other twin joined in. ”She talks to dead people! That’s so weird.”
“Hey, you want to talk about dead people? Your grandma was so fat she could barely fit in her casket!” Bellatrix had an uncanny supernatural ability to pick up on other people’s pain, which she used as a weapon. And to her, nothing was off limits for ridicule. Even the death of a beloved grandmother. She turned to Eric. “You know, there are all kinds of pretty girls in your class. Even ugly girls that look like troll dolls. And yet, you can’t get a girlfriend, so you spend your time picking on first graders. Try finding a girl your age instead.”
The trio of bullies retreated, accepting defeat. Charlie turned to Bellatrix. “Oh wow...”
“Hey, us special needs kids need to stick together.”
“What is your special need?”
She batted her eyes. “I have AHGD. Adorable huggable girl disorder.”
He smirked. “I see you’ve found a cure.”
Bellatrix sat back and laughed. For the first time in her grade school career someone had topped her insults and she was flattered. “Wheels, we’re gonna be great friends.”
Bellatrix entered her home and threw her backpack down. “Mommy, daddy, I’m home!” Mr. Spooky came running from his spot on the couch, rubbing against his mother and purring for her. “Mr. Spooky, I missed you!” She picked him up and headed to the kitchen. Lydia was at the counter fixing an after-school snack for her daughter. Betelgeuse hugged her from behind rubbing her belly and singing.
“The night we met I knew I needed you so
And if I had the chance I'd never let you go
So won't you say you love me?
I'll make you so proud of me
We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go
So won't you, please
Be my little baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my baby now
I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see
For every kiss you give me, I'll give you three
Oh, since the day I saw you
I have been waiting for you
You know I will adore you 'til eternity”
Bellatrix was familiar with witnessing her parent’s open affection. But this display seemed to hit a different note than the usual. “Why are you two so happy today?”
Betelgeuse and Lydia looked at each other. “Think we should tell her Lyds?”
“Tell me what?!”
Lydia bent down to her daughter’s level. “Bellatrix. Sometime this summer mommy is having a baby. You’re going to be a big sister. Isn’t that exciting?”
Her expression turned to one of skepticism. “I don’t know about that. I think I prefer being the princess of the house.”
Betelgeuse patted her on the back. “I know you’ve gotten used to being the only child since your sister Astrid went to college. And I know you really miss her. But you’ll have a friend to play with.”
“I already have a friend! I made one today!”
Lydia smiled. “That’s wonderful! What’s her name?”
“His name is Wheels and we’re best friends.”
“Wheels?"
“It's a nickname. His real name is Charlie.”
Betelgeuse smiled. ”Oh, a boyfriend. Does my little girl have a crush?”
“Eww no! He’s just a friend daddy!”
Betelgeuse gave her a kiss. “Well, I’m very happy for you, ghoul girl. Maybe a friend is what you need to start behaving in school?”
She rolled her eyes. “I doubt that daddy.”