Chapter Text
Lydia collapsed on the bed. Her limbs felt exhausted and wobbly, the room was spinning, sweat rolled down her forehead in thick beads as she struggled to catch her breath. She had just finished her second round of lovemaking that night and her body definitely wasn’t used to the physical exertion and multiple orgasms. She turned next to her and saw her new husband smiling ear to ear in the candlelight.
He turned to face her, “So, is the sequel better than the original?”
Lydia continued to gasp. “I’m not sure...”
“Well it definitely had a different tone than the first, but it was fun nonetheless. Hey, let me do a factory reset real quick and we can make this a trilogy.” He gave Lydia a quick kiss on the forehead and got out of bed. He made his way to Lydia’s master bathroom, connected to her bedroom and fished a pack of cigarettes out of the striped jacket in the hamper. He placed a cigarette in his mouth, snapped his fingers to create a spark, and admired his reflection in the mirror as he took a drag. “You’re one good looking man, Mr. Deetz.” His hair was still damp from the shower Lydia made him take earlier, and the moss he scrubbed off was starting to grow back already. He turned around and noticed the red love scratches on his back leftover from Lydia’s passion. “A sign of a good time, I suppose.” He let out a chuckle as he finished up his cigarette. Betelgeuse extinguished it on his tongue, tossed the butt, and sauntered back into the bedroom. Lydia was still recovering, he approached the bed and gave her a seductive look before he pulled back the sheets and crawled next to her. “Alright, up for round three?”
“You really want to have sex again? God, you fuck like an 18-year-old.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yes. But I really need to get some sleep. Goodnight Beej.” She rolled over turning her back towards him and pulled the sheets up.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled in tight. “Goodnight, babes.” He started kissing and stroking Lydia, pulling himself closer and rubbing against her.
Lydia abruptly pulled herself away. “Stop it! I can feel your boner!”
“Sorry honey! He just got a little excited to be close to you! He has a mind of his own ya know...”
“BJ, if you want this marriage to work, you’re going to have to respect my boundaries and when I say no, I mean no!” Her voice was frustrated and angry.
“Lyds, you know I’m not a creep. I’m just getting adjusted to us sleeping together is all.”
“Now work on the sleeping part of us sleeping together. Goodnight!” She pulled the blankets up and rolled over.
He lied down on his back and stared at the ceiling. “I’ll let you in on a little secret Lydia: ghosts don’t need a lot of sleep, if any at all. I’m a bit of an insomniac, I can’t even remember the last time I went to sleep! I think I forgot how.”
“Just shut your eyes and try to be quiet. Now goodnight.”
He tossed and turned for a while as Lydia drifted off to sleep. After struggling for a bit an idea suddenly hit him. He manifested a hardbound journal and began to write.
‘Dear diary,
Actually, diaries are for women. I’m a man, so this is a journal. I always wanted to keep a journal of some of the crazy shit that happens in my afterlife. Maybe someday I’ll sit down and write about my 676 years as a ghost? Anyways I finally fulfilled a dream of mine. Lydia and I FINALLY got married the other day! She asked me to marry her, after playing hard to get for 36 years, and we moved pretty quickly. We had a private ceremony, which is just what she wanted. It was wonderful. But the wedding night had to be postponed a bit because her goofy step-mom died and we had to arrange a funeral. Which believe me, was a pain in the ass! Dumbass Delia recorded herself getting bitten by two venomous snakes, I watched it and shit was pretty funny. I wanted to upload it to YouTube but Lydia said no, and I’m trying to keep the wife happy. So, I’ll just watch it over and over when I need a good laugh.
The past few days were mostly spent working out the technicalities of our marriage. For example, she can’t say Betelgeuse anymore so we had to come up with a new name. I want to go with BJ. She said that wasn’t such a great idea because apparently “BJ” is short for “blowjob” which I think is awesome. Doesn’t everyone want to be named after something they love? She calls me “Beej” a lot which I think is cute. I like calling her “Babes” and I think she likes that.
But this marriage also makes me a step-father to her teenage daughter Astrid. Now, about Astrid. She’s an opinionated little pistol, angry at the unfair realities of life, thinks she’s smarter than everyone in the room, has a hot temper and a smart mouth. All of those are qualities I like in someone. But I don’t think she likes me so much. Which is fair, I did just step in and marry her mother after all. But I think I will win her over someday, I have time and an ample amount of charm. I like a good challenge.
Now about our wedding night, let’s just say I’m REALLY glad I wrote into a contract that she can’t say the B-word anymore because Lydia would have been SCREAMING it more than three times tonight! I’ve had decades to plan our wedding night, and it honestly went better than I dreamed. You see, guys tend to have this wacky opinion that sex is a race to the finish where the woman loses. And I get it, I used to think that if God didn’t care enough to make the female orgasm necessary for reproduction, why should I care? But ever since I fell in love with Lydia, I’ve wanted nothing but to please her in every way possible. Tonight, she told me she can’t remember the last time she had ‘a real orgasm.’ Sad! We’ve got a lot of time to make up for, and I have a lot of fantasies I’d like to play out with her. I think if I play my cards right, and take my time when we’re together and show her a good time first she will continue to beg me for more.
So far, I like being married. And although Lydia hasn’t said it out loud, I think she likes it too. Or at least she likes the crazy sex we have, she’s pretty vocal about that. She told me I have a big dick and that I ‘nearly choked her to death’ and that I ‘fuck like an 18 year old.’ But I think that’s half the battle, making your wife enjoy fucking. Well...Delores liked it too and that didn’t end too well. I’m still not sure I want to unpack all that just yet. Bottom line: I love my wife, I love fucking my wife, she likes fucking me, and I’m looking forward to making this marriage work.’