Chapter Text
When the day began this morning, Carlos dropped his children off at their school as if it was a regular day, having no idea it would come to this. Now, he is in his car, driving over what feels like the speed limit but isn’t, to reach the hospital where he was told his daughter would be.
While at a drawn out red light, Carlos’ brain remembers he isn’t his daughter, Isabel’s, only father. His shaky hands scroll through his contacts to find TK Strand, his ex husband's number. The phone rings twice before it’s answered.
“What's up?” The voice on the other line says casually, not expecting the news about to be delivered to him.
“TK..” Carlos searches for the right words, but his thoughts are interrupted by his ex’s voice. “Carlos, what’s wrong?” Carlos’ mind has no time to react to the fact that TK knows he is upset by just one word.
The commotion from the other line has quieted, Carlos assumes that TK has stepped outside the fire station to hear better. “It’s Isa.. she– she was hurt at school–.” “What the hell? How?” His voice sounds panicked, matching the way Carlos currently feels.
The light turns green and Carlos slams his foot on the gas pedal. “I–I don’t know! They were frantic and the call was breaking up, but— but they managed to tell me about the hospital on greenwood, can you get there in time?”
“In time for what, Carlos?” TK almost sounds angry, but Carlos understands that that anger isn’t directed at him, having been together for twelve years before their divorce, Carlos knows almost everything about him.
“Please, TK. Just hurry.”
The sound of a call ending plays in his ears. TK hung up, now scared and without information on what happened. But Carlos can’t worry about him, he needs to know what is wrong with Isabel.
“What is the name and your relationship to the patient?” The lady at the front desk asks, gum smacking around in her mouth.
“Isabel Strand-Reyes, she’s 13, 4’11. I’m her father,” he can hardly catch his breath, his phone in his hand where he was just on with his mother.
“Okay..” the sounds of her fingers typing her name into the keyboard rings in Carlos’ ears as he waits impatiently. “Looks like she is on floor nine and.. hm, room 018.” The woman smiles up at Carlos, clearly not understanding he is worried out of his mind and has no idea how to get to room 018.
Before he can ask for directions he hears an all too familiar voice shouting from behind him, “Carlos!”
He turns to see TK running toward him hurriedly, panting and still in uniform, behind him are both Nancy Gillian and Tommy Vega. “Where is she? Is she okay?” He swallows, running a stressed hand through his hair.
“She’s in room 018 on floor nine–” TK darts down the hallway to the elevators and Carlos rushes to follow him, not even acknowledging the women behind him, too scared to use pleasantries.
TK jumps inside and immediately starts pressing a button, Carlos sliding into the small lift beside him.
Inside the elevator Carlos finds himself struggling to breathe, panicked with the thoughts that his daughter could be suffering and he had no idea.
“What.. what if she needs surgery? It’s almost her birthday– what if it’s fatal? I don’t– I can’t bury another kid..” His vision is getting blurry, finding himself about to cry now that the shock is wearing off.
With Carlos’ eyes now closed, a shadowy figure darkens the view before him. He opens them to be met with his ex husband, hands hovering between them as if worried to be crossing any boundaries.
TK shakes his head at himself and places his hands onto Carlos’ shoulders. “Breathe.” The man before him says calmly as the elevator door closes shut, bringing them up to floor nine.
“She will be okay. What happened to Anthony was– It wasn’t this, Carlos. Just breathe.”
For one moment, Carlos settles with TK’s eyes locked on his. TK coaches him through a centering breath. The lift dings and the moment is ruined. The feeling of panic buries itself deep inside of Carlos once again.
TK turns away quickly and almost leaps out of the elevator, leaving Carlos to trail after him for the second time.
When they reach room 018, the door has been left open. They don’t hesitate before walking in, seeing their daughter on the bed, looking a bit uncomfortable as she watches bluey on the hospital’s TV unamused.
“Isabel!” Carlos yelps, rushing to her right side as TK does the same on the left. As Carlos grabs her face and kisses her all over, TK examines her body to check for injuries. “What happened, Isa?” TK says after taking a breath and grabbing her hand.
She looks confused, looking up at her parents.
“I couldn’t understand anything on the phone, we thought this was worse.” Carlos mutters while brushing her curly brown hair out of her face, almost the same shade as his own. His mind goes back to that day, but he won’t let it go any further.
“Oh, I just hurt my ankle playing soccer with Sam, it hurt really bad but it’s okay right now. Painkillers.” She says with a grin, pulling her blanket up to show her foot. It’s purplish, but the bone seems to be in place.
Just then, an unsuspecting nurse walks into the room. “What the? Who are you?” She asks as she steps closer, her eyebrows raised as she goes to protect Isabel from two strange men in her room. “It’s okay, Nurse Mills, these are my dads.”
She sips her apple juice that she had grabbed from the side table. “Hi, I’m a paramedic, can you go into full detail of what happened, please?” TK asks, his first responder voice poking out. Carlos grabs Isabel’s hand where TK had dropped it, caressing it with his thumb.
She looks relieved to discover that it’s just the girl's parents, nodding gently at the eager man before her. “Let me grab the doctor, I’ll be back.”
She walks away and TK groans frustratedly, desperately needing more information. He takes a breath, and Carlos watches as he pastes on a small smile when he turns back.
“So.. what about Elias?” Isabel asks, looking between her two parents when TK’s face grows concerned once again. “I forgot—.”
“I called my mom, she is picking him up from school soon.” Carlos says, letting his eyes linger on TK for a short moment, before he turns back to his daughter.
“Awesome, I can’t wait to tell him about what happened.” Carlos can’t help but laugh, TK’s personality shining through in their daughter. “Why don’t you tell us first?” TK asks, making his voice firm in an attempt to be serious as Carlos quietly chuckles.
“No, I want you to be surprised!” Carlos smiles wider, happy to know his daughter is safe and in his arms once again.
A few minutes later, Nurse Mills is back in the room with the doctor, who they learn is Doctor Fatima Jameel.
“Your daughter is very healthy, so great job, you two.” Is what she leads with, bringing a smile to Carlos’ lips paired with a quiet thank you.
“Okay, so, her injuries aren’t too large, but she will need crutches and a boot for the next month, because it may be too painful to apply pressure on the ankle.”
“If in a month her ankle is fully healed, she will be approved by her pediatrician for a removal. If not, he will decide how much longer she may need it.” Carlos breathes, the knot in his chest slowly loosening.
“Her statement implies she was playing a game of soccer when she kicked the ball, fell and landed wrong on her foot. Her friend helped get the teachers and the paramedics at the scene rushed her to the hospital, where I treated her. The soccer coach confirmed that to be true,”
“Surgery isn’t needed, and she can be released within the next hour, as long as you follow the day to day regimen to keep the injury from escalating. We want her to heal, right?” TK nods enthusiastically, looking back and smiling softly, ensuring their daughters safety and comfort.
“Okay, I’m going to go and grab the discharge paperwork. Any more questions?” Carlos shakes his head, “not at the moment, no. Thank you so much, both of you.”
Both Nurse Mills and Doctor Jameel leave the room, TK rubs his face once they’re alone.
“I’m never allowing you to play soccer again.” TK says with a small laugh, walking closer and kissing his daughter's forehead.
It’s only seconds later when a higher pitched voice yells Isabel’s name. Carlos turns, TK following the motion, seeing their young seven year old son Elias rush into the room, his grandmother behind him.
A relieved smile grows on Carlos’ mothers face when seeing Isabel, “Bel, Abuelita told me you got hurt! Why didn’t the firefighters take me too?” He tries to climb in the bed, but he’s a bit too short to fully get in there.
TK helps him to avoid Isabel’s foot and lifts the boy into the bed, “I was rushed to the hospital, so they didn’t really have time to get you.” Isa says as she makes room for her brother who sits himself beside her.
“Oh.. that’s okay, then. How are you feeling?” The boy asks sincerely, blue eyes wide and caring. She smiles at him and gets comfy beside her brother. “Good! Ready to go home, though.”
Carlos looks away from his children and realizes he never said hi to his mother. “Hi, mama,” he waves as he walks over, deflating in her arms. He may be bigger than her, but he always feels small in his mothers arms.
Once they pull away, Andrea opens her arms for her son-in-law. TK sighs deeply and accepts the hug, clinging onto her as he just breathes. “So, explain to me what happened. This boy wouldn’t say anything over the phone,” She nods to Carlos who blushes and scoffs.
“I was stressed!” Carlos defends, his face almost representing a pout. TK laughs quietly at the banter, swallowing before he tells the story in full detail.
“There is no easy way to say this,” Doctor Lewis says quietly, his clipboard close to his chest. Carlos is holding his small son's hand, tears already falling from his eyes. “Please just say it,” he hears his husband beg.
The doctor swallows, “your son has stage four cancer. Leukemia, to be specific.” Carlos looks down, choking on a sob. He knows how bad cancer is, but stage four is something he can't even fathom.
“The tumor has significantly spread throughout his body, affecting multiple of his organs.”
Carlos can’t hear TK say anything, his own ears not functioning properly as he cries, wondering if anybody can even hear them.
He wonders if this is just a dream, if he’ll wake up and the little boy wouldn’t have been too pale, too easily bruised. If his head wouldn’t have been hot, if Carlos’ mother wouldn’t have had to watch their other kids so they could rush their son to the hospital.
“His condition is serious, and he will need intensive treatment if we want to try and fight it.” Finally, TK says something.
“How long?”
“I’m sorry, sir, what do you mean–.”
“How long does my son have? If he goes through no treatment, how long would he have to live?” Carlos looks up, making eye contact with the doctor standing before him.
He’s sure he looks exhausted. Nothing has been easy the past 30 hours. He hasn’t slept in even longer.
“He could have years, Mr. Strand. We can’t be sure.” TK sighs heavily, looking back at his husband who was already staring, zoned out, eyes locked.
“Can we be alone, please?” He whispers, his voice cracking.
“Yes, sir.” The doctor nods before exiting, leaving the three alone. TK sits down beside Carlos, watching their son sleep peacefully.
Well, as peaceful as one can be with stage four leukemia. Neither of them speak, they just cry. They sob. They hold their breath, waiting to wake up from the nightmare.
TK holds Carlos, until they finally inhale.
“How do we decide?” Carlos mutters, his voice nasally. TK shakes his head, frowning. “We don’t. He will. He’s three but it’s still his life and his health.”
“You know what he will choose.. chemo could save his life–.”
“When my dad was going through chemo, it drained him. He was stage one, Carlos. Imagine what it would do to Anthony’s little body,” his voice gets quieter at the end of his sentence, looking at the sleeping boy. Carlos lets more tears fall, knowing there is no point in stopping them. He couldn’t even if he tried.
“We will ask him when he wakes up,” Carlos whispers, looking back at his husband. TK nods his head and leaves a tearful kiss on the others lips, holding each other in their darkest moment.
An hour after TK and Carlos arrived, Isabel got discharged from the hospital. Nurse Mills taught her how to use her crutches, so now, they walk through the parking lot just the four of them.
Andrea left a little bit earlier to give them a few hours of privacy. “I’m going to call a car,” TK says as he stops when they reach Carlos’ black SUV.
Carlos opens the door for Isabel and takes her crutches from her so she can slide into the seat, “I can drive you home if you’d like.” TK looks up from his phone with a gentle smile, “you don’t have to do that.”
“Please? I insist.”
“Yeah, daddy, stay the night! Papa has a big bed you can share.” TK looks at Elias who was holding his right hand while TK was typing with his left.
TK can’t help but snicker when he sees Carlos’ flustered reaction to their son's comment. “I don’t know about that,” TK comments as he lightly tickles his side.
“Maybe you can stay for dinner? I’m sure you want to spend time with the kids after all of that,” Carlos offers. They don't do this. They co-parent. They separately parent their children, not together. But tonight might be an exception due to everything that has happened within the past three hours.
“How does that sound? Want daddy to stay for dinner?” TK looks down at Elias, the boy grinning from ear to ear as he nods his head. “Yes, please!”
“Okay, that settles that, I will stay for dinner.” Elias claps his hands together before Carlos directs him to his carseat, strapping the boy in. TK slides himself behind Carlos to get to the passenger seat, and Carlos swallows hard when he feels TK’s body against his.
Carlos shuts the door and rounds the car to reach the driver's seat, sliding in and starting the vehicle. He turns the air up, knowing how much TK appreciates the cold weather. When Carlos turns to back up, he sees Elias distracted by the small drops of rain on the window, his sister beside him scrolling on the phone she got on her 13th birthday.
Almost a whole year ago, he thinks.
That leaves just the two in the front without anything to do. Carlos can see TK nervously tracing a seam on his sweater, and he takes a breath as he tries to think of things to say for small talk.
“So, how is your dad doing?” TK looks up, seemingly surprised that Carlos said anything at all. “He’s doing well, actually. He’s enjoying his retirement a lot more than I thought he would. He’s taking Buttercup and traveling the world just the two of them, it’s good for him.”
Carlos smiles from the driver's seat, recalling all of the times TK was stressed over whatever the hell his father was up to at the time. Knowing TK is content with his father’s recent decisions makes Carlos feel lighter, he doesn’t know why.
“How is your mom?” TK asks, looking at Carlos even though Carlos can’t look back. He opens his mouth to say she is okay, but that isn’t entirely true. He sighs, “she is still visiting dads grave every other Wednesday. I keep trying to get her to come over more often but she tells me she is busy. I don’t know how to help her.”
He swallows when he realizes he just unloaded his shit onto TK when this was supposed to be strictly small talk. Gabriel, Carlos’ father, passed away a year before the divorce.
For a while, the only thing keeping him afloat were his husband and his children, but he lost that family unit. Right now, he is doing okay. He can’t say the same for his mother. “That sucks. I’m sorry, Carlos. I’m sure you’ve heard this plenty of times, but things do get better.”
In the beginning of their marriage, TK lost his mother in a tragic accident. five weeks later, they were called to foster Isabel. At first they were hesitant, not wanting to ruin a child’s life with their shared grief, but now he couldn’t imagine not having adopted Isabel.
“Thanks, Ty.” Carlos doesn’t realize he said it until TK looks at him once again, and Carlos can see his expression through his peripherals. He’s smiling. Carlos can’t remember the last time he used the name Tyler to address TK.
“Sorry, I don’t know why I just said that.” TK shakes his head, “It’s okay. I like it, nobody has called me that in a while.” As Carlos parks in the driveway, he looks at TK. He has the same face as the man he met twelve years ago.
“Are we home?” A boy’s voice asks from the backseat. “Yep, you can start unbuckling,” Elias grins and begins to unfasten his seatbelt, Isabel doing the same.
TK opens his car door to get Elias out, and Carlos goes around the back to grab the crutches from the trunk. By now, it’s 5:00 o’clock and Carlos has forgotten what he has written on the meal planner for today.
“Spaghetti, papa.” Isabel says as she stands on one foot, her father helping hold her up before she can get comfortable on the crutches. Carlos smiles at her, “thank you, Isa.”
Carlos helps her walk to the front door, locking the car with the key in his hand and waiting for the beep. TK has Elias in his arms, the boy clearly too big to be held, but his father does it anyway.
Carlos unlocks the front door and lets the four of them inside. Isa disappears down the hallway, saying something about getting in her pajamas.
TK puts Eli down, “can I use my ipad?” The seven year old asks both of his fathers once his feet reach the ground, not straying far from TK.
“Sure, but for dinner we have to put it up.” Elias grins and runs off to his room where his ipad with a green dinosaur themed case awaits his arrival. TK stands awkwardly with Elias and Isabel’s backpacks in his hand. “You can put those on the hanger.”
TK does as he is advised as Carlos heads to the kitchen, washing his hands and grabbing out the ingredients for their dinner. It’s simple, as Carlos doesn’t always have enough time to make anything better.
He fills the pot with water and sets it on the stove to boil. “I could help,” TK suggests from behind Carlos, his voice a bit unsure. Carlos turns, looking TK up and down for the first time today.
The stress from earlier has now dissolved itself, and he can finally take TK in. It’s not as if he doesn’t see TK often, they meet up once a week to drop the kids off or pick them up, but it’s always quick exchanges, never anything more.
Today is different. Today, they’ve spent hours together. Carlos forgot how good TK looks in uniform, and he feels his heart flutter in chest before he clears his throat. “Oh, sure. But if you’d like to change your clothes you can, I know the uniform isn’t very comfortable.”
Carlos can recall his own days as a patrol officer, but when he took the leap six years ago to become a detective, he never looked back. TK looks down at his outfit, laughing a bit before he looks back up.
“Yes, please.”
“Okay, watch that for a second, please.” Carlos guides TK, the man nodding gently before Carlos hurries off to his bedroom, opening his closet and looking for items he knows would fit TK’s frame.
He settles on a lightly black and gray striped sweater and dark sweatpants that are a bit tighter on Carlos. He goes back to the kitchen and extends his arms in offering, “is this good?” TK takes the clothes in his hand, looking down at it.
“I remember you wearing these. I would–.” He stops himself from finishing his sentence, the two of them sharing a look that says they both know what he was going to say anyway. “I am going to go change,” he smiles awkwardly, jutting his thumb in the direction of the bathroom.
As he walks away, Carlos takes a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. When TK is back in the kitchen, he asks what he can do to help.
“Could you chop the lettuce?” TK nods and opens the fridge, grabbing out the head of lettuce that was in the drawer. They move together smoothly, years of doing this same thing flood Carlos’ head.
Toward the end of their marriage, their communication was off, given everything that had happened, but in the beginning years, they were each other's best friend. If Carlos needed anything, TK would just know, he wouldn’t even have to ask.
Now, he feels they could be that way if they needed to, but neither of them would ever try it. Carlos dumps the spaghetti noodles into the boiling water and stirs it for a while before putting the texas toast into the oven.
“Okay, done. Anything else?” Carlos looks over at TK. He has added the chopped lettuce into the bowl Carlos supplied for him.
“Yeah, you can add the tomatoes, croutons, cheese and dressing. We can add other stuff on the side since your son is so picky,” Carlos says with a small laugh. TK makes a face.
“What?” “Do we have to add tomatoes? Maybe those can go on the side with the other stuff,” TK suggests, his face of disgust remaining. Carlos can’t help but laugh, remembering all of the times he had to eat the tomatoes TK would be served.
He would never complain, just passing them over because it was their mutual understanding. “Like father, like son, huh?” TK blushes, the red paired with a tiny grin. “Sure, we can have them on the side too.” Carlos says, going to the fridge and grabbing out the ingredients for his ex husband.
After that, they continue their cooking, and when Carlos can’t stand the silence, he puts on a playlist that he likes to listen to when he’s alone. Just this time, he isn’t.
Carlos knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to tell Isabel and Elias about Anthony’s declining health, but he didn’t expect it to be this hard.
Isabel is crying, her nose red and eyes puffy. Elias is angry, the five year old currently yelling at his father from across the uncomfortable hospital chairs.
Carlos is standing, his arms crossed over his chest as he looks in through the window attached to the door. Anthony isn’t quite in view, his body and face covered by the many doctors and nurses.
“But daddy, you’re a firefighter! Do something!” Carlos sighs, wanting to help but not knowing exactly what to say to help TK in this situation. His husband does his best to explain, while Isabel stands beside Carlos.
“Can we see him?”
“Of course, sweetheart. He’s just getting a quick checkup,” Isabel sighs, the sound heavy. She looks down at her feet, “is he going to die, papa?” Carlos swallows hard, sitting down in the chair outside of the hospital room, waiting for Anthony to be finished.
He knows it probably wasn’t the best time to tell them, but when they got here, it felt like too strong of a lie to say that he simply had the flu. When Carlos looks back at his husband, he is holding their son, the small boy crying in his arms.
“I don’t know. It’s possible, but it’s also possible he could get better. We don’t know for sure,” Carlos couldn’t imagine what it must be like for them, being just eleven and five years old. He opens his arms and Isabel falls into them, squeezing her eyes tight and holding her father.
The door beside them opens and Doctor Lewis steps out, “he’s ready for visitors now, but if his energy is low, don’t be alarmed. It’s normal for a patient in his state.” TK stands first, putting their son down so he can walk in himself.
They go in as a family, rounding the corner to see the small child curled up in his bed. He’s smiling, but he looks exhausted. “Hey, Anthony. We brought food,” TK says, holding up the bag of mcdonalds.
The boy grins, his dark skin now grayish from the illness within himself. “Happy meal?” He asks, his brown eyes gaining some life at the idea of eating his favorite food. “You know it,” Carlos states, finding it hard not to be a buzzkill.
It’s hard to be happy when your son is on the brink of dying, he realizes.
When Elias asks to get in the bed with his brother, his parents don’t say no, smiling to themselves as they watch Anthony wrap an arm around his brother even through his weakened state. Eventually, both of their older children are in the bed with their youngest.
Carlos and TK sit together on the couch, holding each other as they watch the kids. “I don’t want to lose this, Ty.” Carlos whispers, speaking quietly so the children don’t hear him. TK looks at his husband, becoming teary eyed once again.
“I know, baby. I know.” He mutters, kissing the top of his husband's head, laying his own in the man's messy curls.
On a normal day, he’d ask Isabel and Eli to set the table, but right now he doesn’t want to disturb their peace and quiet. He pours the noodles into a serving bowl and dumps sauce in the bowl, stirring until it’s covered.
TK is beside him, mixing the salad up. Carlos grabs four plates from the cabinet and the rest of their utensils, making the table look nice for their meal.
It’s oddly domestic, and Carlos finds himself not minding the feel of TK moving silently beside him, not needing words to communicate. TK brings the salad to the table, Carlos following behind with the bowl of pasta and plate of bread.
“Dinner is ready,” Carlos calls, both of their children coming down the hall together. “I’ll get them water.” TK says, helping himself to Carlos’ glass cabinet.
Carlos gives them both their own portions of pasta and salad and then one piece of bread each, giving them each a smile as they come out from the hall.
The sight of Isabel with crutches saddens Carlos for a moment, kissing her head gently and pairing it with a reassuring nod. She smiles back at him softly, laying said crutches down when she sits in her seat.
Elias begins to eat the second he sits down, and the sight brings a small laugh out of Carlos before he holds his hand out and stops the young boy.
“Eli, we have to wait for dad. Remember what we learned about manners?” Elias frowns and puts his fork down. “Daddy hurry up! I’m hungry,” Carlos gives his son a look.
“Please?” He asks in an attempt to make the situation better, which causes the whole room to burst into a fit of giggles. TK and Carlos finally sit down, the only two chairs left are the ones beside each other.
Once TK slides in beside him, Elias looks at the two of them with his wide eyes. “Go ahead,” Carlos says with a smile, Elias grinning before he eats a forkful of pasta. Isabel rolls pasta onto her fork, eating it and wiping her face after each bite.
“We should do this more often,” she says, her voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper. TK looks at Carlos, Carlos looking back and the two share a moment of silence. “You’re right, we should.” TK states, nodding his head in agreement.
“Yeah, this is nice.” Elias verbalizes, the words too sophisticated to be coming out of the young seven year old. “So, how was school? Before the whole.. you know,” Carlos asks Isabel, hoping to switch the topic of conversation.
TK shifts in his seat, instead of eating, he swishes the food around on his plate. “It was good, Mrs. Ryder was talking about maybe doing a field trip before thanksgiving.” “Oh, that would be fun. Let’s hope you will be healed by then,” she rolls her eyes playfully before taking a bite of her salad.
“I will, papa. It’s not that serious.” Before Carlos can say another thing about it, Elias begins speaking with his mouth full. “Are you going to ask me about my day, too?” He questions, his eyebrow raised in the same way TK would in the past.
“Yes, Eli. I was just asking her first,” Carlos smiles. TK takes a bite of his food for the first time tonight, chewing slowly.
“So, how was your day?” “It was awesome! Well, before Bel was in the hospital.. but ask me a multiplication question! I learned new ones today.” Carlos ponders, skimming through his head for easier ones that the boy could answer.
“What is four times three?” TK speaks up, taking another small bite of his food. Elias thinks for a moment, turning to Isabel nervously. She holds up one on her left hand and a two on the other.
He smiles and turns to his fathers, “twelve!” TK begins clapping, Carlos and Isabel following suit. Carlos asks him another question, and the boy manages to get it on his own this time. After that, the room falls silent.
TK clears his throat and wipes his face, “I should get going. I have to be at work at 7:00,” he voices as he checks his watch. “Can you put us to bed, daddy?” Elias asks, struggling to get out of his chair.
TK looks at Carlos, asking if that would be alright with his eyes. Carlos smiles gently, “go wash up, and then he can read you a story.” Both Isabel and Elias get up and run off to the bathroom.
“Do you want help cleaning up?” Carlos shakes his head as he stands and begins collecting the empty plates, the only one with food remaining is TK’s. “No, you’re good.” TK nods and walks off to the direction of the restroom.
Carlos brings all of the dishes to the sink and brushes the food from TK's into the trash can, going back to the table to put the leftovers away too. When he finishes all of his duties, he goes to the hallway and follows the sound of childish laughter, Isabel’s bedroom.
TK is sitting at the end of her bed, criss crossed legs as he holds a children's book in his two palms. Both Elias and Isa are in her bed, and her crutches are posted up beside her nightstand.
“The tortoise said ‘no, I won’t cross the bridge with you’. The hare frowned, ‘why not?’” TK reads out loud, Elias playing with the end of his sister's long braid, the bottom curling in his small hand.
Carlos decides to not walk in, instead just listening to the three of them. He watches as his ex husband makes funny faces and voices for the different characters in the paperback. Carlos smiles, his mind going back to their old home where they raised their children before the divorce.
He remembers walking into Elias and Anthony’s shared bedroom, not having enough money to get them anything better, and saw this same image, just younger faces. He doesn’t realize he has been caught until Elias begins giggling, he raises his eyebrow.
“What?” He asks, looking at his shirt to see if there are stains, or maybe something on his face. TK is blushing, the book now closed as he looks anywhere but at Carlos.
“Isabel made a joke, and it was not funny.” He lectures, shaking his head fondly at the kids. Elias is still giggling, and Carlos raises his eyebrows, a gesture to get him to talk.
“Bel said that papa has heart eyes. Like an emoji,” he struggles over the word emoji, but eventually he gets it. Carlos’ eyes are wide and a pink tint covers his cheeks. “Uhm.. yeah, because I love my kids. That’s why,” TK looks back at him, his expression unreadable.
“Okay, that’s enough for tonight.” TK begins to stand up, placing the book back on the shelf beside Isabel. “I love you two very much, I’ll see you Sunday. Good night,” he leans down and kisses both of their heads.
“Goodnight daddy,” the two say in unison. TK turns and his smile has slowly faded. Avoiding eye contact, he bypasses Carlos and walks out of the room. Carlos longs to go after him, but if TK is upset, he’d rather his children not hear the argument waiting to happen.
“Goodnight,” he waves, shutting the light off and closing the door. He walks down the hallway, shutting that light off too in hopes it’ll get them to sleep sooner. TK is in the dining room, his uniform tucked under his arm and his phone to his ear.
Carlos waits awkwardly until TK is done with whoever he is calling. “Is something wrong?” He asks quietly once TK puts the phone down.
TK looks at him with a tight lipped smile, shaking his head. “No, nothing is wrong. I called a car, it’ll be here in ten.” Carlos looks down, knowing that he should accept the out, continue on like everything is fine.
But it’s not, clearly. And he needs to fix it. “TK–.”
“Carlos, stop. I don’t owe you an explanation. We’re not married anymore, remember? You loved to keep reminding me of that tonight.” Carlos furrows his brows in confusion, silently asking for more, but TK doesn’t give any further explanation.
“What does that even mean?” TK shakes his head, closing his eyes as if he is trying not to get too upset and raise his voice. “Nothing, Carlos. I have to go,” he walks toward the door, but before he exits he turns and faces Carlos.
“Marjan said something about hanging out at her house, like in the old days. I don’t know, but you’ll come if she asks?” He offers, as if nothing had happened.
Carlos presses his lips together, nodding even though the answer is no. He wouldn’t attend, not with the knowledge that TK would be there. TK mimics his movement, taking a breath before he leaves without a goodbye from either of them.
Carlos brings his hand to his face, deeming himself too tired for this tonight. He shuts the lights off and steps away to his bedroom, where he falls asleep thinking about his ex husband.
Carlos wakes up to soft lips kissing his face and a hand rubbing his chest, “come on baby, we’ve got to get to the hospital before eight.”
He opens his eyes to see his messy haired husband lying before him, trying to smile but it is not quite reaching his eyes. Carlos blinks away his tiredness, sitting up to try and wake himself up.
Today, they both requested the morning off. It’s been a month since Anthony’s diagnosis, Carlos feels as though the shock has still not worn off. He didn’t expect it to.
“Okay,” he murmurs tiredly, climbing out of the bed with TK following him closely. They brush their teeth side by side, both with dark circles underneath their eyes. Even though their son is ill, their lives couldn’t just pause.
Both of their bosses were kind enough to let them out of work for the first week after the news, but since then they have been back to work, with Andrea spending most of her time in the hospital with her grandchild.
TK leaves to get their other children up so they too can visit Anthony, while he does that, Carlos continues to get dressed. His phone begins to ding, as if he has received multiple texts. He goes to check it, frowning when he reads through the messages.
His partner at work, Lexi Mitchell, has just texted him saying they got a big break in the case of two missing women. He should be happy, knowing they’re a step closer to finding them, but he can’t bring himself to feel much joy.
Now, he knows he should go to the office. He should be with his partner, use his skills to help her, make the case move faster. He receives one last text, his partner asking him if he’s available.
“Babe, what are you doing? We have to go,” TK is standing at the doorway, his shirt half buttoned. He can hear Isabel and Elias in the living room, probably eating their quick breakfast.
He swallows, “I don’t think I can go today. Lexi texted, she got more information on the case and she needs me.” TK’s face fades from anxiety to confusion.
“But Anthony needs you,” Carlos looks down, those words causing a pain to echo through his chest. “I’ll be off by nine, we could go back to the hospital then–.”
“Visiting hours end at seven, Carlos. Only one of us could go then.” His husband swallows before stepping further into the room, closing the sliding door behind himself. “I’m trying not to get pissed at you right now.”
Carlos furrows his brows, “I’m needed at work, TK. With everything going on right now I can’t afford to lose my job.” He stands up from the bed, facing his husband head on. He looks mad, no, more than mad.
He looks furious. TK’s arms cross over his chest, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as if holding himself back from saying something he can’t come back from. “You got the morning off of work for this reason. Your son is dying.”
The words ring through Carlos’ ear, the man clenching his fists. He doesn’t say anything, just grabs his coat and slides past TK. His husband calls after him, but he doesn’t listen. He goes to work, second guessing his every move. He doesn’t change his mind.
On Sunday, Carlos calls TK to come early to get the kids. But what TK doesn’t know is that Carlos made plans for the four of them to go Halloween costume shopping. Even if Carlos doesn’t know what he did wrong, he still feels guilty. When the man arrives he hugs his children, talking about all of the fun things he has planned for the week.
“Can we go to the fire.. uhm, where Marshall is from?” Elias says, unable to control his excitement. TK laughs, “Marshall from paw patrol? Sure, of course we can.” TK opens the door to help Elias into his carseat, Isabel having already been inside.
Once the seven year old is strapped in and the door is shut, Carlos suggests the trip out as a family. “I was just wondering because I know it makes them happy to go out all together, like how it used to be before everything.”
TK looks like he is trying to be upset, but is struggling with that notion. He sighs and smiles gently, “that’s a good idea, Carlos.” Carlos grins, and the two of them feel normal again. Maybe one day he will understand why TK was so upset, but right now, he doesn’t really care.
He runs inside to grab his wallet, keys, and puts his shoes on. When outside, he offers to drive them. “This is my car.” TK says slowly, hiding his laughter. “I know I just–.” “You like to be in control, control freak.”
TK has his arms crossed in front of his chest, one finger dangling his car keys. Carlos frowns, but accepts defeat as he slides into the passenger side of the vehicle. “You need to get used to this, I’m sure when Isa starts driving she will want to.. you know, actually drive.”
“We have years until then,” as the words come out, he turns to TK in despair. “two years.” The paramedic states, nodding his head in agreement with Carlos’ pain. While driving to spirit halloween, Carlos turns to look at TK.
He’s hot, of course. Carlos has known that since the first night he kissed TK outside of a honky tonk. But he’s also just beautiful. His soul, his mind. Given everything that had happened, Carlos stopped seeing that side of him for a while.
Until recently, that is. “I’m sorry, by the way.” He verbalizes, quiet and unsure. TK looks at him for a moment before putting his eyes back on the road. Carlos can hear him swallow before he speaks, “you don’t need to be sorry for anything.”
“I upset you last night–.” “Please, Carlos. It’s okay, you did nothing wrong. Let’s just drop it,” Carlos looks at him, trying to scan his features for some kind of explanation. He doesn’t get one, so he just nods.
“Okay, sure.” When TK smiles at him, Carlos feels just a bit better. “What are you going to be, Isa?” TK asks from the left side of Carlos, trying to help Isabel who is still struggling to walk with her crutches and boot.
“I dunno. Some kids from school are going to be power rangers, so I might do that.” They enter the building and take in all of the spooky decorations. “I’m going to be a shark! Wait, no, maybe I’ll be a firefighter like daddy!” Elias says, trying to grab the cart from the cartpark.
“He’s a paramedic, Eli.” Isabel says matter-of-factly as TK pulls the buggy out. He pushes it, testing how easy the push is before they begin walking.
“I’m actually dual-certified, so I could be both if I wanted. That means, if Tio Paul ever needs me out in the field as a firefighter, I’m there.” Carlos begins laughing for a moment, shutting up when he gets a glare from his ex.
Carlos swallows before saying, “totally, when I first met your dad he was a firefighter. He made the switch a little after we adopted you, Isa.” “When you guys would kiss sometimes, right?” Elias pipes in. Carlos looks at TK, but the paramedic doesn’t look back at him, seemingly avoiding eye contact.
“When we were married, yes.” TK says as he pushes the cart into an aisle. “Well, maybe I can be like Tio Paul! Or gramps!”
When TK and Carlos first told Owen Strand that they were thinking about adopting, he insisted on being called gramps. The men would say no – or more specifically TK did, Carlos being too afraid to tell an authority figure no – but he wouldn’t let it go. By the time they welcomed Isabel into their home, the name just stuck.
“That would be awesome, Eli.” Carlos says, ruffling the boys dirty blond hair once they’ve stopped. “What are you guys going to be?” Isabel asks as she looks at the skeleton costumes, seeing if they might have her size.
“I don’t think I will dress up this year,”
“Maybe a clown.” The men say at the same time, TK looks at Carlos with a raised eyebrow, sighing and shaking his head, “you are no fun.” Isabel giggles at her fathers comment, Elias doing the same.
“I am fun! I just..” He racks his brain for an excuse, “it’s extra money for no reason. I’m not knocking on somebody’s door for candy.” TK looks at Isabel, and they exchange a look that Carlos can’t decipher.
“You should be a prisoner and daddy can be a cop!” Elias suggests, and TK looks like a puppy whose ears just perked up. Carlos widens his eyes and quickly declines, “I don’t think so, if anything, I’m the cop and he’s the prisoner.”
“You wish,” TK murmurs under his breath, feigning innocence when Carlos looks at him. “I like Elias’ idea, it’s funny. Live a little, papa.” Carlos looks at his kids, and he knows he will regret this, but he finds it hard to say no to them.
“Maybe.” They end the day with all of their costumes, TK a little bit too giddy in the driver's seat. With the kids distracted in the back, Carlos decides it’s okay to talk about it, hoping little ears aren’t listening.
“This better not be some weird kink of yours, TK.” That causes his ex husband to laugh harder, stopping at a red light and looking back at Carlos with tears in his eyes.
“Obviously not, Carlos– are you insane? I wasn’t the one who suggested it, your son did!” Carlos can feel himself pouting, crossing his arms as he watches the road. “I don’t want to be your prisoner, you should be mine.” TK begins to move the car, turning down Carlos’ road to drop him.
“That is sounding a lot like toxic masculinity, Carlos. Isabel would have a lot to say about that,” TK whispers, pulling on to the side of the road to let Carlos out. Carlos looks at him, going to say something but having nothing to argue about. TK is right.
“Fine. I’ll be your prisoner, whatever.” “Baby, you had no choice. We already bought the costume in your size,” Carlos gets stuck on the name TK has just used. Baby. He hasn’t heard TK call him that in over two years, feeling a little pang in his chest at how normal it used to be for him.
He swallows. “Yeah, you’re right.” He opens the door after unbuckling, closing it behind himself and then opening the side that Elias is on. He kisses the boy's head, whispering in his ear. “Be good for daddy, I’ll see you soon.”
He closes the door and goes to the other side, doing the same to Isabel. He backs up to give TK room to drive away, waving as he goes. He goes inside of his house, and it’s then that he receives a text from Nancy in the groupchat labeled ‘the 126’.
It’s a simple invite over to her and Mateo’s house, saying something about drinks and board games, but it makes him sad. He hasn’t hung out with their friends since the divorce. TK’s friends. TK’s colleagues.
He sighs before closing his phone and trailing off to his bedroom, spending the rest of the night alone in his room with his book.
When Carlos gets home his family is sitting in the living room, TK on the phone with somebody while Isabel and Elias watch the TV. “Papa!” Elias shouts when he sees his father entering their small home, grinning from ear to ear.
Both of the children get up from the couch and run to their papa, hugging him a bit too tight. “Dad is going to go to the hospital, Anthony isn’t feeling good.” Carlos frowns and looks at TK, the man still talking to somebody.
“Who is he calling?” Carlos asks, toeing his shoes off and putting his duffel bag by the front door. “Abuelita,” Elias says, not straying far from Carlos. He directs the kids back to the couch where he waits for TK to finish, the children once again distracted by the television.
Once TK puts the phone down, Carlos goes to speak, but he doesn’t manage to get a word out before TK rises from the couch and calls for Carlos to follow him into the bedroom. Carlos sighs and does as he is told, following his husband.
Once in the room with the door closed, TK crosses his arms over his chest. “You said you’d be home by nine. It’s almost midnight.” He frowns, checking his watch. His husband is right, it’s 11:34 pm.
“I’m sorry, I got caught up. I feel really bad–.” “That isn’t good enough. Anthony isn’t doing well, Carlos. We don’t know how much time we have left with him,” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence, hiding his face in his hands as he tries to hold back his tears.
Carlos steps closer, reaching out to grab a hold of his wrists and pull his hands away, “I know, baby. I don’t want to fight with you.” TK looks at him with glossy green eyes, nodding his head in agreement.
“Likewise,” he murmurs.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do that again,” Carlos says, bringing his husband into his arms. That’s when TK begins to sob, wrapping his own arms around Carlos. He repeats himself, Carlos barely understanding.
“I have to go, Ant needs me.” Carlos sighs and nods, pulling back and looking at TK. “I love you,” he whispers, eyes finding TK’s. The man smiles sadly, “I love you more.”
“You know how it goes, Ana. The back and forth. It’s always been difficult only seeing my kids for half the day on holidays, so we decided to do it together this year. It just.. it all feels like a lot.” His sister, Ana, sits before Carlos, sipping her iced matcha green tea latte.
“That makes sense. What about it feels like a lot?” Carlos looks down at his black coffee, stirring it even though he really doesn’t need to. He sighs, letting his tongue lick his lips before he speaks.
“That’s the thing, I don’t know. We have been moving at the same pace since the divorce, it’s been two years, nothing should be changing now. But we’ve been.. hanging out? Since Isabel’s accident, you know? And I think I like it, which might be the worst part.”
Ana looks at him after that, “Carlitos, it’s normal to enjoy the fact that your family is getting together more often. What stands out to me the most, is that you noticed your feelings have shifted.” Carlos looks at her, feeling heavy, feeling open.
“I was the one who asked for the divorce. He begged me. He was crying— I was too, and he was begging for us to try therapy, to give it another go. That he would get sober. I said no, and then two months later we were divorced and living separately. I shut him out after everything, Ana.”
His sister looks confused, “what are you getting at?”
“It’s my fault. I broke our family up, and all he has ever wanted was for us to spend time together every now and then. At first, when it was fresh, he would offer up small things to do that would be all four of us and I refused. My life was good, and now with everything going on, I miss what we had. I feel like I ruined my chance at happiness.”
Ana frowns, shifting in her seat. “I’m sorry you feel that way, cariño.” She presses her lips into a thin line, thinking for a moment before she speaks again. “Maybe you should go on a date sometime.”
Carlos frowns, “that doesn’t seem like professional advice.”
“Good thing I’m not your therapist. If you feel like you’re stuck in the past, focus on the future. Just go to a bar, there are plenty of single men out there that aren’t your ex husband.” Carlos blushes and rolls his eyes.
The warmth on his cheeks doesn’t fade as he thinks about the early months after the divorce, that ‘you up’ message he was sent, and the weeks following.
“I hope you know I have had other boyfriends.” Carlos mutters, too embarrassed to even talk about this stuff. He was never one to share intimate details about himself, especially not with his eldest sister.
“Yes, Carlos, I remember Markus. Do you?” He does. He closes his eyes and takes a breath, choosing to forget as he his sister sighs before him.
“You’re my hermanito, Carlos. I want you to be happy. You have a big heart, and you deserve to love and be loved in return.” Carlos blinks slowly at Ana before he squints his eyes and accepts defeat. “Maybe after halloween when things slow down, I’ll try a dating app. I can’t promise you I’ll like it, or even go through with it.”
She nods, “if you can find a man before I have to go home to Houston, I will be a happy camper.” The woman decides, smiling at her brother. Carlos shakes his head fondly, “the odds are low, Ana.”
The night before halloween, TK brings the kids back to Carlos’ house since he will be working the nightshift. Another reason as to why, Carlos’ mother, Andrea, is over for a visit, and TK had said he wanted the kids to have time with her.
They decide to watch a movie, and while he leaves the three to decide, Carlos is in the kitchen making multiple bowls of popcorn. He hears them pick a nightmare before christmas, Andrea making a passing comment that Gabriel was very fond of the movie.
His movements stutter for a split second, but he holds it in. He won’t cry over his father on the night before halloween. After he finishes pouring cinnamon into his own separate bowl, he walks over to the living room and settles on the couch beside his mother.
He’s exhausted after his shift at the precinct, having done mostly paperwork the entire time. He’s stuck on a case of a little boy who was killed, and as much as he wanted to stay and look for more hints and clues as to who could have murdered him, he knows he can’t let himself get lost in it.
The movie starts when Carlos sits down, Elias immediately clicking out of his game on his ipad and getting comfy on his mattress of pillows on the ground. Carlos puts his feet up, sinking into the cushions and closing his eyes.
“How have you been lately, mijo?” He opens his eyes to see his mother is looking at him, her eyes soft and inviting. “I heard from TK that you guys had dinner together and even went out shopping?” Carlos looks at her in confusion.
“You talked to TK? When?”
“Oh, Carlitos, he’s the father of my grandbabies. Of course I talk to him! I was asking how he was doing and how the babies were. Lord knows you never answer your phone.” Carlos shakes his head, his mind a bit stuck on the fact that his mother and ex husband talk.
He takes a breath before looking back at his mother. “I’m good, mama.” He pauses, not really knowing how to address the other half of her assumption. Her eyebrows raise, and Carlos glances at the TV, feeling the pressure of her eyes.
Just as Jack Skellington thanks the local witches on the screen, he clears his throat. “We did go out, it wasn’t much, just costume shopping. I think I’m.. I’m trying to loosen up a bit. He doesn’t deserve to be shut out, and I know that’s how I was treating him.”
“The kids love their dad. He’s a good guy. I—.” His eyes find hers in the dark room, and he frowns. He doesn’t know exactly where his rambling mind was going, but he shifts uncomfortably beside his mom on the sofa.
“You’re right, mijo. I think it’s very mature of you to think that way. My bright boy,” she lightly taps his cheek with her palm, and he smiles. “I'm 39 years old, mama.” She chuckles and repositions herself, Carlos watches as Isabel falls into a lying position in her lap.
“You’ll always be my little Carlitos.” He can’t help but grin, sighing contentedly as he lays his head on her shoulder. He remembers the night of his wedding, when the party had died down and everybody was exhausted.
Before he could leave with TK for his honeymoon, his mother asked for a moment alone with him. She told him that she loved him, and that he would always be her baby. That stuck with him, especially with how hard it was to accept himself growing up.
He knows now that he always had his mother, he just didn’t always know it. By the time the credits are rolling, everybody has fallen asleep. Except for Carlos, who does his best to keep his mother resting beside him as he gets up and turns the movie off.
It doesn’t work, the 61 year old woman slowly opening her eyes and reaching for her son's hand. She rubs her eyes with the other, Isabel’s messy curls still in her lap. “Sorry, mijo, let me help you clean up.” She murmurs, beginning to sit up.
“No, mama. It’s alright, one moment.” He leaves down the hall to clean up his room a bit, getting it ready for his mother to take for the night. Once he is back out in the living room, he wakes Isabel up.
“Time for bed, love. You have a busy day tomorrow,” she yawns and nods her head, putting up no fight as she reaches to hug her grandmother before going to the bathroom and washing up before bed.
Carlos leaves Elias on the floor while he helps his mother to his bedroom, “you are too sweet to me, Carlitos.” Her face represents exhaustion, and Carlos doesn’t think it’s only because of the late hour.
“You deserve much more, ma.” She smiles as she gets comfortable in his bed, Carlos sighs heavily as he plugs her phone in. Before they had started the movie, they all put their pajamas on, so she was already changed for the night.
“Buenas noches, mamá."
“Oh, buenas noches, Carlitos.” She rubs her thumb on his cheek before she closes her eyes and almost immediately drifts off to sleep. Carlos finds himself getting tearful, swallowing and shaking his head.
He wouldn’t allow himself that release, not on the night before halloween. Carlos then leaves the room, turning the light off and closing the door behind him. Elias has switched sleeping positions, now resembling a starfish.
Carlos can’t help but quietly chuckle at his son, walking over to him and gently picking him up. The shorter boy stays asleep in his arms, and Carlos brings him to his reptile themed room.
Carlos remembers all of the times TK and Elias have bonded over their love for wild animals, specifically lizards. Elias wouldn’t let it go when TK told him that they had a bearded dragon once. Carlos lays the boy down in his bed, getting him nice and tucked. After kissing his head, he shuts the lamp off, leaving just the yellow night light to bring brightness into the room. And finally,
Carlos goes to check on Isabel, needing a moment alone with his daughter. “Hey Isa, are you awake? I have a question about your birthday,” he asks as he opens the door, eyes landing on his daughter.
She’s awake, her back facing the door where Carlos stands. He can see her phone light on, and the sound of quiet sniffling. Carlos’ heart aches and concern grows, the man clears his throat.
“Isa? Are you alright?” He sees her shuffle in her bed, “what are you doing? You can’t come in without knocking!” She wipes her eyes, and now with her sitting up Carlos can see the upset expression on her face. “I‘m sorry I just– why were you crying, Isabel?”
She crosses her arms over her chest, rolling her eyes. “It’s none of your business. Go away, I’m trying to sleep.” Carlos goes to say something, but decides against it. He mutters a good night to his daughter, wondering what the hell could have upset her so much that she’s silently crying in her bedroom.
He leaves the hallway and enters the living room where he will be sleeping tonight, cleaning up the popcorn messes. Once that is done, he gets comfy. Sleep doesn’t come to him, too worried about his daughter to think of getting any shut eye. He opens his phone, clicking on his ex husbands contact.
“Are you awake?” He writes, hesitating before he hits send. It takes a moment, but he does get a response.
“Just got back from a call, I was about to try and get sleep. You need anything?” Carlos blushes, realizing how his message at one in the morning could sound. He certainly didn’t mean it like that.
“No. Nothing major. Isabel was crying when I walked into her room tonight, any idea what that’s about?” Again, TK doesn’t respond right away.
“Oh.” One message, then another. “No, I don’t know what that is about. I’m sure it’s just teenager stuff. Don’t go all Carlos on her, just let her handle it. She will come to us if it’s anything bigger than that.”
Carlos squints his eyes in confusion, “all Carlos? What does that mean?”
“You know,” when Carlos sends back an emoji with a raised eyebrow, TK goes into further detail. “When you get overly worried about things that you can’t control, leading to you being overbearing at times. You have good intentions, it just doesn’t come off that way sometimes.”
He leaves one last text, “I have to go, call came in. Goodnight, Carlos.” Carlos frowns, sending back a friendly ‘have a good rest of your shift’ before closing his phone.
As much as he hates to admit it, and probably never will, it’s the truth.
TK has told him many times in the past and present that he is a control freak, and not once was it a lie. He sighs heavily before he makes another attempt at falling asleep, this time succeeding.
The next night, Isabel is barely speaking to her father, going through Andrea to talk to him. Carlos is doing Elias’ werewolf makeup, that being the costume he had decided on at the store. TK is back at his own house, getting a nap in before the long night ahead of them.
“Hey papa, what do you call a werewolf that’s missing?” Elias asks. As Carlos brushes the eyeliner against the boy’s waterline, he gives him a strange look. “I don’t know, why are you–.”
“Wherewolf!” Elias yells, snickering when his father startles. Andrea and Isabel look at them funny before going back to what they were doing.
“I don’t get it,” Carlos frowns. Elias looks at him, “where is the wolf, papa. You just made the joke unfunny.” Carlos rolls his eyes, helping his son with his fake ears. “Sure, it’s me who did that.”
He whispers underneath his breath. After he finally finishes helping Elias with his costume, Carlos walks back to his bedroom, anxiety creeping in his chest. He grabs the orange costume out of his closet where he had hung it.
As he slides it on, he stares into the mirror, wincing as he turns and sees it hugging places he’d rather it not. “It’s for the kids,” he tells himself. He takes a breath before he exits his room, turning the corner just to hear giggles erupt.
”It’s not that funny!” He frowns, crossing his arms over chest. “That isn’t even a costume!” Andrea grins, her mouth crinkling by the sides.
Attached to her back are fairy wings, and by her eyes is a tiny bit of sparkly makeup. “It’s good enough.” Carlos goes to defend himself, but is interrupted by the doorbell. Isabel follows the sound, checking through the peephole before she opens it, revealing her father in a ridiculous outfit, just like Carlos.
Behind him stands Owen Strand, and a big fluffy hairball beside him. Before TK can say anything, both of the kids yell for their grandfather. “Gramps!”
“Hey, you two! I’ve missed you so much,” he gets down on both of his knees and hugs the both of them, his grin wide.
Carlos smiles, waving ever so slightly. Carlos watches as TK comes closer to him, admiring the way his fake utility hangs low on his hips. “I’m sorry,” he waves in the direction of his father, “he insisted on coming.”
“No worries, I like your dad.” Carlos just hopes Owen likes him, but he doesn’t add that part. TK smiles softly, looking as though he wants to say more, but he doesn’t.
Carlos blinks his eyes away from the man next to him, his eyes drifting to where his mother is wrapping her arms around Owen. “That it has. Hola Owen, It’s nice to see you.” They pull away and Owen’s attention is on Carlos.
He raises his hand, prepared for a short handshake, but is brought into a welcoming embrace by the older man. It’s not as though he hasn’t seen Owen since the divorce, but it’s always been brief and there was never much conversation.
He takes a breath, pulling back. “Great costume. I was wondering why TK chose to be an officer,” Owen comments, laughing lightly. Carlos feels his face grow hot, “the kids made me do it. Your son too, actually.”
Owen looks at TK, the man dressed as a cop shrugging with a devilish smile. Carlos almost makes a joke about the lifeguard costume Owen currently wears, but he holds his tongue. Maybe years ago he would have, but he isn’t the same man anymore.
Owen furrows his brows for a moment, turning back to Isabel who waits patiently by the front door, her hand lightly petting a quiet Buttercup at her feet. “So, Elias is a werewolf. And you are…?”
“Puss in boots. From Shrek?” She offers up, the 60 year old man nodding in understanding. “Aha, gotcha.” He does a finger gun in her direction, the younger girl smiling and nodding. “Your boot is pretty awesome,” he adds.
Carlos turns to TK, wincing and pressing his lips together. “Dad? Maybe we shouldn’t teach her it’s cool to have injuries?” Owen rolls his eyes at his son just before the doorbell goes off once again.
Isabel looks at her fathers, silently asking for permission to open it. TK nods his head, leaning over so he can see who it is. “Hola!” A cheerful voice calls from the door, a woman with dark curls and red lips walking in.
His sister, Ana. He smiles, watching as she moves in to hug everybody before they even realize who she is. Her husband comes in behind her, followed by her three young sons. When Carlos finds TK once again, he is still smiling, but seems a bit nervous.
The last time he spoke to Ana was probably the Christmas before the divorce. “Oh, TK! It’s wonderful to see you again,” she waves, moving in to hug him too. TK laughs into her hair, repeating the sentiment.
“You look beautiful. What are you?” He asks, keeping his soft hand on her arm. “A lioness, of course! Nick is my lion.” She turns around, finding her husband in the small living room and gesturing for him to come over.
Carlos closes his eyes for a moment. It feels all too familiar, his sister and his ex husband having a conversation. He feels as though he’s skating on the line between reality and fantasy, and he doesn’t know whether or not he likes it.
When he opens them again, he finds Isabel giggling over something her cousin, Phillip, has said. He’s a year older than her, but they’ve been close ever since Isabel was adopted. “Hi, Carlitos.” Ana greets when her attention finally wavers, grinning at her brother and giving him a gentle hug.
“TK looks good, doesn’t he?” She whispers directly into his ear, causing a blush to spread across Carlos’ cheeks. “Stop it,” he nudges her, rolling his eyes when she laughs manically. Carlos doesn’t even know what she’s rooting for at this point, and he tells her that much.
“I don’t know, cariño. Is there something to root for?” She wriggles her eyebrows, and when Carlos can’t take it anymore, he clears his throat.
“Is everybody ready to go?” A chorus of yes’s follow, and he nods his head as he switches all of the lights off in his house. TK stays by his side, Carlos can’t say he minds it.
“You didn’t tell me that your sister was coming! I would have done something better,” he gestures to his outfit. Carlos laughs, shaking his head. “You look great— good— fine.” He swallows, avoiding eye contact with the man beside him.
Why is it that he can’t be near TK without making a fool of himself? He pauses before they get too far, making sure that the small bucket of candy he has sitting outside of his house is still intact, fixing the small tilt of the sign that reads ‘take one!’.
When he turns back around, he finds a piercing pair of green eyes on his body. They leave quickly, finding something else to look at as TK begins to walk down Carlos’ driveway. His brain seems to move a mile a minute, having very unsubtle thoughts of many times he saw those same eyes on him.
“Why is Tio Carlos so slow?” He hears a small boy ask, and then his own son laughs, shrugging his shoulders. Carlos scoffs, catching up to them and lightly tickling their stomachs. He walks a little further behind the group, and without even realizing, TK has slowly drifted beside him once again.
Carlos wonders if maybe there is a magnetic pull somewhere between them, but he shakes his head at the thought. Separated. Divorced. “So, did you ever find out what happened with Isa?”
Carlos looks at TK, licking his lips and looking away quickly when he notices multiple buttons on the man's shirt have become undone. “No. She yelled at me last night, actually.” The man beside him sighs, pressing his lips together.
“Do you think she’s getting bullied again?” He asks, finding Carlos’ eyes. Carlos sees nothing but sincerity within his eyes, having no doubt he would. “No.” He answers, looking away to find some comfort in finding his daughter in the crowd.
She’s okay, talking animatedly with her grandfather, a small pumpkin candy bucket in her hands. “Do you think it has something to do with..” his voice trails off, but Carlos knows what he is talking about.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s normal? You know, for a girl her age to just cry?” Carlos offers, and TK shrugs, unsure. “Yeah, it could be. Maybe we can wait a little longer, and if she doesn’t come to us, we can ask her about it?” TK suggests, green eyes glimmering under a street light.
Carlos breathes, nodding his head. “Yeah, that works.” TK smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The small moment is ruined when Andrea calls for them, now approaching their first house. The five children leave the group, and Carlos watches carefully as they ring the doorbell and say trick or treat.
It only takes a minute before they come back, Elias running in their direction. He holds his bucket up to his fathers’ faces, grinning from ear to ear. “Look, guys! I got so much candy,” Elias shouts, the bucket almost tilting and dropping all of said candy onto the road.
Carlos ruffles his hair followed by a gentle good job, just before he hears a familiar voice call out. Nancy Gillian and Mateo Chavez are walking up with their daughter, Emma, who is dressed as a ghost. She immediately goes to Elias, showing her basket and how much candy she has collected.
“Hey!” Mateo waves, his smile wide as he looks around the group. “Hi there!” Ana welcomes joyfully, not accepting the handshake offered to her, instead, she moves in for a tight hug. Nancy is distracted by Andrea and Owen, saying something that makes the two of them chuckle.
“Long time no see,” Mateo says as he moves around the group, finally falling into a hug with TK. “I saw you last night, Mateo.” The paramedic responds with a laugh, accepting the embrace from his friend.
“Yeah, whatever.” He comments, moving to find Carlos. He doesn’t remember the last time he purposefully saw Mateo, or any of the others, apart from the awkward run-ins at the grocery store or the school pick up line.
“Hey,” Carlos says quietly, giving him a loose hug in response. It’s short, Mateo not seeming to realize the awkwardness, just turning back around and wrapping his arm around Nancy. TK looks at Carlos for a short moment before both of their eyes fall back down onto the children.
Even Carlos’ nephews, who barely know Emma, are talking excitedly to her. Carlos sometimes wishes things were as easy as an adult as they were when they were children. He wishes things felt normal. Here, surrounded by family, he still feels out of place.
His brain unhelpfully supplies the fact that this is his third halloween without his son, and his heart aches a little in his chest. “Are you okay, papa?” Isabel asks him, the most words she has said to him all evening.
“Yes, mija, I’m good. Are you?” Isabel nods slowly, looking off into the distance. “Yes, I feel better now. Thank you for being understanding, papa.” She is quiet, but Carlos hears her nonetheless.
As badly as he wants to know what’s wrong, he is grateful he gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. He has TK to thank for that, he supposes. “Te amo mucho, mi niña.” She smiles up at him, wrapping her arms around his middle.
“Yo también te amo, papá.” Carlos compliments her Spanish, brushing a hand through her soft curls. When he and TK were first discussing adoption, Carlos had mentioned maybe raising their child bilingual.
TK was all in on the idea, even having a small thought of getting them into Hebrew classes. Isabel had already known bits of spanish when they first met her, but not a lot. As time went on, Carlos taught her little things, and she learned in time.
She’s still not great, but she knows enough to communicate with the Reyes’ who prefer Spanish over English, and even her brother is learning too. He’s reminded of the fact that Anthony was learning too, and how he had been doing such a wonderful job before he got sick.
Carlos swallows, the gesture feeling like a bunch of glass shards going down his throat. The group begins walking again, Carlos and Isabel hurrying to catch up. They’ve added Nancy and Mateo seamlessly, and when Isabel begins a conversation with Elias and Emma, Carlos slides into the adults’ conversation.
Well, not Andrea and Owen. Owen is distracting Carlos’ mother by telling a story from his newest vacation in Japan, showing images of the sights he saw. “Carlos! I was wondering when you would join us,” Nancy says, smiling at him and draping her arm over his shoulder.
“Are these matching outfits a sign? Or is that just wishful thinking?” She lowers her voice to where only Carlos can hear. He turns pink, shaking his head. “That is just you. The kids–.” He sighs, “it’s a long story.”
“Hm, maybe your children are Tarlos truthers as well?” She suggests, winking at him. “I don’t even know what that means, Nancy.” She giggles and puts her arm down, leaving Carlos to overthink. What the hell is a truther? What the hell is Tarlos? He has a small idea, but quickly shuts the idea down in his head.
By the end of the night, Carlos finds that he is exhausted. Andrea left with Ana’s family, leaving just TK, Owen, Carlos and the kids. “We want to stay with gramps tonight!” Elias says with a large grin, holding his grandfather's hand. Owen smiles, looking at his grandchild’s parents.
“You do?” TK asks with a confused look on his face. “Don’t act like that’s such a bad thing, TK.” Owen says, now frowning. TK laughs and shakes his head.
“I didn’t mean it like that, dad. I guess if you want to you can, but then you’re coming home with me, okay?” They smile and nod their heads. Carlos heads back to grab their stuff, reentering the room with two backpacks. When nobody is inside, he steps out of the house to see TK transferring the car seat over to Owen’s vehicle.
“The purple is Isabel’s and the green is Elias’.” Carlos says, putting the bags into the trunk of Owen’s car. “All set,” TK and Carlos share their goodbyes to not just their kids but Owen too, before they are on their way.
They stand awkwardly in the driveway, not used to being alone together without their kids around. “I just need to grab my phone and then I’ll head out,” TK says, pointing toward the house behind Carlos.
“Oh, yeah.” Carlos smiles nervously, allowing TK back into the house. Things move slowly once they’re inside. The last time he was alone with his ex husband, things weren’t very kid friendly. Carlos is unsure of how to act, and he’s embarrassed that he is being so awkward about it.
“Okay, got it. Bye, Carlos.” The man waves, heading for the door. Just as his hand hits the knob, Carlos speaks up. “TK, wait.” The paramedic turns around, confusion written across his face.
“What–.” Before he can say anything, his lips are on TK’s. It’s rushed and breathy, and he can feel TK pressing against him. Carlos pulls away before it can really get started, staring with wide eyes at his ex husband.
“Fuck, I’m sorry..” He backs up, worry settling in his chest. “No, Carlos,” TK starts, breathing a bit heavier than he had before. He grabs Carlos’ shirt before he can back up any further, and brings the man closer to his chest.
This time, TK directs the kiss, instead of fast and hard, it’s slow and gentle. Their lips glide with rhythm, their bodies used to the feel of the other. When TK does that thing with his tongue, Carlos can’t help but moan.
He doesn’t know the last time he’s been intimate with anybody else, maybe eight months? He can’t think, his thoughts are clouded. One word. One name. TK. Carlos tugs on the other’s belt, pawing at it.
“Yeah?” TK whispers in question, abandoning Carlos’ lips for his neck, finding a nice spot to do his bidding. “Yes, TK, please.” That’s a good enough answer for TK, the man undoing both of their belts swiftly.
“Your room,” Carlos looks at him, finding the green of his eyes. He nods his head, licking his lips as he drags his ex husband back and into his bedroom. The kiss picks up now, the anticipation of what's to come causing the speed to kick in.
“It’s been too long,” Carlos whispers, meaning multiple things at once. TK pushes him onto the bed, standing before him. “Are you sure about this, Carlos?” “Yes,” he finds himself saying. He means it, and that probably scares him more than it would if he didn’t.
Carlos crawls up to the head of the bed, opening the drawer and grabbing what he believes they may need tonight. TK doesn’t touch it yet, making himself comfortable over top of Carlos.
“You looked so good tonight, baby. I was trying to keep my hands off of you,” another kiss, this time shorter than the others. “Really?” Carlos asks, suddenly feeling small at the sound of his compliment.
“Of course. Why– are you surprised?” TK holds Carlos’ face in his hands. His lips are red and messy with spit, but he’s still the caring guy Carlos knew from all of those years ago. “I just didn’t think you still saw me that way, that’s all.”
He’s quiet, embarrassed now that all of the attention is on him. “I never stopped, Carlos.”
Carlos looks away, but TK doesn’t let him for long. It looks like he wants to say something, but decides against it, just staring. Carlos can’t handle it, leaning forward to kiss him again. He lowers his hand and begins to unbutton TK’s blue pants. TK pulls away, “are you sure about this?”
“You already asked that,” Carlos continues to try and take the others' bottoms off, but TK grabs his wrist, stopping his movements. TK gives him a stern look, pinning Carlos’ hand above his head.
“Yes, I’m sure. I give you all of my consent,” Carlos says with a hint of sass, causing TK to smile even though he doesn’t want to.
“So bratty,” TK mutters as he adjusts to get his pants off, getting comfortable on top of Carlos. He leans in, his lips connecting with Carlos’ once again. He blindly takes Carlos' sweats off, followed by his boxers. “Ready?”
Carlos bites his lip, “yeah.”