Archive of Our Own

It started with Steph’s dream. 

It was a deceptively sweet dream, considering what it brought about. In it, she and Kylie were sitting in the backseat of someone’s car. Kylie was up on the seat, and Steph sat on the floorboard at her feet. The weird part, which wasn’t weird at all in the dream, is that the car was entirely without a ceiling and instead sported a view straight up into the sky, which was full of a million stars. They looked up at it together, and Kylie brought her head to Steph’s head and stroked her hair. 

When Steph had the dream, on an unremarkable Thursday during an unremarkable week, she woke up with a smile and then, inexplicably, burst into tears. 

Maybe, if she was being honest, it started way before that. If it did, though, she couldn’t say when. As kids? In middle school? Last year? Last week? 

Honestly, if pressed, she couldn’t even really say what “it” was. Not entirely. But when it happened, it went a bit like this: 

“I had the weirdest dream last night,” Steph told Kylie as soon as she saw her at school that Thursday.

“Was it about Cartman again? With the, like, anal stuff-”

“Do not say that out loud,” Steph hissed. “No, it was not about that. Jesus. It was about you.”

Kylie’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Wait, me and the anal stuff?”

“God, Kylie, there was no anal stuff!” Steph said, probably a little too emphatically considering the way the hallway went quiet for a second.

“Must’ve been a boring dream, then.”

Steph supposed it had been, really. She suddenly felt embarrassed by the thought of telling it to Kylie at all. It seemed strangely vulnerable. 

“It was, I guess. We were just, like, in a car,” she said sheepishly.

“And there was no anal stuff?”

Steph slapped her shoulder. Kylie cackled a little, but when Steph looked at her, she was studying Steph right back, a weird look in her eyes that Steph had never seen before.

That Friday, she went home from school with Kylie, just as she did every Friday. Really, every part of it was exactly what she did every Friday. They lounged in Kylie’s bed, they ate pizza, they drank as much soda as they could and tried to out burp each other. When it started to get dark, they crawled under the covers, pressed shoulder to shoulder, and watched shitty movies they could talk over.

It wasn’t until really late, after the movies, when they would usually be going to sleep, that things started to get weird. 

“Steph,” Kylie whispered, voice strangely gentle and quiet.

Steph, half asleep already, merely hummed at her, muffled by the pillow. 

“Steph, what was your dream about?”

She lifted her head. “I told you already. This morning.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the whole thing. I could tell.”

Steph let her head fall heavily back to the pillow. “It was so.”

“Stephanie.”

Steph heaved a monumental sigh. “God, I don’t know we were just, like, sitting in a car together. But it didn’t have a roof, so we were looking at the sky, and you- ugh, I don’t know.”

“I what?” Kylie prompted, more gentle than Steph had thought she could sound.

“You, like, touched my hair. It’s embarrassing, I don’t know.” 

Kylie was quiet. Steph wanted to explode and die, just a little. 

The sheets rustled, disruptive in the quiet, still darkness.

Steph felt a hand settle on the back of her head. 

“Like this?” Kylie asked. Steph thought maybe she was teasing, but she sounded serious.

“No,” Steph muttered, head still buried firmly in the pillow. “You were stroking it.”

She thought she might be belittled for the phrasing, but Kylie just hummed and began to move her hand gently back and forth over Steph’s skull. 

“Yeah,” Steph said. “Just like that.”

“And you’re sure there was no anal?”

Indignantly, Steph rolled over to face Kylie, ready to say something bitchy. Only, when she rolled over, Kylie was laying there with her hand still outstretched toward Steph, a teasing smile on her face, illuminated gently by the warm glow of the streetlamp leaking through the gaps in her curtains. And, well, there was something in her eyes, like what had been there that morning, and the whole bed sort of smelled like her, and she had resettled her hand on the side of Steph’s head, so Steph really couldn’t be blamed for leaning forward and kissing her. 

It was, in her defense, just going to be a quick peck before she came to her senses, but Kylie tightened her grip on Steph’s head, grabbing a handful of her hair and yanking her closer to her mouth. Steph made a little noise. It wasn’t as if she had never been kissed before: she’d dated Will Testaburger for a while . And she knew Kylie was no stranger to it herself: it was willful ignorance that kept Steph from thinking about what Kylie and Carry Tucker got up to before Carry and Tweek had gotten serious. It was just that it was a very intense kiss, especially for one with no prior discussion. 

As in, Kylie had already slipped her tongue into Steph’s mouth and was in the process of slipping her thigh between Steph’s legs. After a little while, she let up a bit, slackening her grip on Steph’s hair. Steph thought, maybe, they’d be discussing it now, but instead, Kylie just steered her down until she was laying flat on her back and Kylie had free reign to suck viciously at her neck. 

Steph became increasingly aware of the quietness of the room. It was just the labored sounds of her breathing and the occasional awkward suctioning noise. She glanced down toward her neck, but all she could see was Kylie’s mass of hair. She reached her hand into it, unthinkingly, and tightened it on when Kylie started on a particularly good spot. At the tightening, Kylie made a small noise into her neck and began to suck harder, as well as push her leg up harder into Steph’s core.

Slowly, Steph became aware of Kylie’s hands sliding up her shirt until they rested on her chest. Like, as in, on her tits. Directly.

Kylie raised up, mouth red and hair disheveled. “Can I,” she started, her voice hoarse, “God, I don’t know how to phrase this. Can I suck on your tits?” 

Steph blinked at her. Then, dumbly, she nodded.

Immediately, Kylie was rucking her shirt up until it was right below her chin. With no hesitation, she leaned down and sucked Steph’s nipple into her mouth. Steph made a startled noise and bucked upward, further into Kylie’s mouth and further into her thigh. 

One of Kylie’s hands was keeping her raised above Steph, but the other went to Steph’s hip, keeping her steady.

Kylie really went at it. Like, Will had touched Steph’s tits before, in a sort of awkward, awed manner, but he’d never seemed to enjoy it this much. It went on for what seemed like forever, Kylie sucking and smoothing over it with her tongue and occasionally raking it with her teeth, switching to the other nipple halfway through. 

When Kylie finally lifted her head, Steph was wetter than she’d ever been in her life. Like, probably even wetter than when Will had actually touched her vagina. Using her grip on Kylie’s head, she pulled her up to her mouth and enthusiastically kissed her.

“Steph,” Kylie panted out against her lips, “Steph, let me touch you.”

Steph, displaying an impressive amount of willpower, shook her head. “No, you first.”

Kylie, after a minute of heated eye contact debate, acquiesced and allowed herself to be rolled over onto her back. 

Steph paused then, hovering above Kylie. She wasn’t actually sure what she was going to do now. She wanted to see Kylie’s tits and maybe do what Kylie had done to her, but she didn’t want to be repetitive and also she was afraid Kylie would be better at it than her, and then she’d feel embarrassed.

Considering that, she decided the only way to one up Kylie would be to suck on something else. Like, her vagina. 

Kylie was watching her slightly impatiently. “Are you going to do something, or, like, not?”

Steph, benevolently resisting the urge to flip her off, slid further down her body until her head was level with her pussy and her hands hovered on the waistband of Kylie’s shorts. Kylie looked down at her, wide eyed and speechless. Steph raised an eyebrow in question. Kylie nodded quickly.

Steph pulled off Kylie’s shorts and underwear quickly before she could become too afraid to do it. She wanted desperately to seem sexy, but when she glanced down, she couldn’t help but smile goofily.

“Are you- there is no fucking way you’re laughing at my pussy ,” Kylie said, reaching down to tug viciously at Steph’s head.

Steph laughed harder and resisted the pull. “No, no, I’m sorry. I just,” she paused, to laugh, “I can’t believe the curtains really do match the drapes.” 

“Oh my god ,” Kylie said, this time yanking Steph toward her pussy instead of away from it. “I can’t believe I actually want to have sex with you.” 

Steph, still smiling a little, allowed herself to be dragged to Kylie’s pussy. “Dude,” she said, “I seriously do not know what I’m doing down here. And, like, it’s hard cause you’ve got this fucking jungle down here.” 

Kylie yanked angrily at her hair. “Don’t even fucking start with me, Stephanie, I’ve seen your goddamn bush. Just fucking put your mouth on it.”

It was kind of nice, Kylie talking to her like that in this context. It made Steph want to roll over and listen to her. Obediently, she put her mouth on it. 

“Okay,” Kylie said, sounding a little more winded than she had before. “Move up a little. Just a little. Yeah. Go left a bit.” 

It felt a bit silly, being instructed like this, but Kylie’s hand was sort of guiding her along too, and mostly, it just felt nice. When Kylie was pleased with her positioning, Steph began to suck. Kylie may have made a noise at it, but it was a little difficult to tell with the way her thighs were bracketing Steph’s ears. 

Will had done this to her, once. She had thought, at the time, that it must be really uncomfortable. In the situation herself, though, she thought she could stay there forever, Kylie’s legs wrapped around her head and her hand in her hair and her clit in Steph’s mouth. It became sort of mindless, laying down there and pushing Kylie’s clit around with her tongue. However much time passed, she was unaware. Her life narrowed down to nothing except what was right in front of her until Kylie finally gasped and heaved Steph up and away. 

Breathing hard, she grabbed at Steph and pulled her in for another kiss. Steph fell into it obediently, too spent to do much except let her mouth fall open slightly. 

“Okay,” Kylie said pretty much directly into Steph’s mouth. “Okay, lay down. On your back.”

Steph flopped down onto her back. Kylie hovered over her uncertainly. “Can you, like, speak?”

“Sorry,” Steph said. “Your clit sucked my voice out.”

Kylie shoved her shoulder hard and seemed, though it was hard to tell in the dark, to turn a little red. 

“I don’t, um, I don’t really know what to do,” Kylie said, uncharacteristically uncertain. 

Steph grinned, everything seeming light in the aftermath of giving her best friend head. “Dude, just touch it.”

“Thanks, dumbass, that’s really helpful,” Kylie said, bringing her hand uncertainly toward Steph’s underwear. Her fingers slipped slowly in, fumbling around until they reached Steph’s clit and started circling.

“Is that- right?” Steph almost wanted to make fun of how nervous she sounded, but Kylie’s sincere desire to make Steph feel good was so apparent that she couldn’t bring herself to tease.

“Yeah,” she said instead. “That’s right.”

Kylie kept moving her hand, bringing her face down to kiss Steph again. She kept going for so long that Steph was sure her wrist must’ve been hurting, but she didn’t stop until Steph shoved her off.

Kylie fell gently to the side, legs staying intertwined with Steph’s. Slowly, she brought her hand out of Steph’s underwear and brought it to her mouth. Steph opened her mouth and allowed Kylie to stick her fingers in. Kylie made a gentle noise before removing them and closing her eyes.

“Kylie,” Steph whispered.

“Shh. Go to sleep.”

That sounded good to Steph. She was sure they would talk about it tomorrow.

They did not talk about it. 

If Steph had expected things to change after that, they most certainly did not. The next morning was almost unbelievably normal, despite Steph walking around with her ass clenched waiting for the lesbian sex they’d just had to be brought up. Kylie seemed as at ease as she ever did, and when Steph went back home, Kylie only said goodbye.

Steph wasn’t sure what she had expected her to say instead. “Stay another night and have more lesbian sex with me,” maybe. Or, “You were so awesome last night, Steph, let’s do it again.” But Steph knew that would’ve been stupid. 

Still, the normalcy grated on her. Especially when they texted for the rest of the weekend, and Kylie didn’t even make a joke about it. Or on Monday, at school, when Kylie didn’t act any different than she ever did.

Steph knew her frustration was apparent, and she knew Kylie could probably guess the reason, which was deeply embarrassing. Nonetheless, she couldn’t bring herself to bring it up.

“Is something going on with Kylie and Tolkien?” Will asked her during lunch later that day.

“I don’t know. Why? Do you think there is?”

“I have no idea. They’ve just been spending a lot of time together. Where do you think Kylie has been during lunch?”

“I thought she was taking a test or some shit. She was with Tolkien?”

“Yep. Pretty much everyone is talking about it, Stephie. You’re way behind.”

“God damn . Do you know where they are now?”

“Should be outside still. Don’t be too much of a bitch, Steph. Also, party at my house this weekend, please come!”

Will’s party was the farthest thing from a priority to her, but she told him she would anyway. Lunch period was nearly over, but she stumbled outside anyway, spotting Kylie and Tolkien instantly. They were sitting together under a tree like some sort of fucking cottage core lesbians or maybe the intro to a porn video or something else disgusting and unnecessary. 

“Kylie,” Steph said as she got closer, “Could I talk to you? Alone? It’s about, um, Cartman. It’s pretty personal.”

“Hey, no worries,” Tolkien said, getting up, but before she left, she shared a conspiratoral look with Kylie that seemed to say I know you’ll tell me about it later, anyway.  

As soon as she left, Steph turned back around and said, “What’s up with this?”

Kylie just blinked at her. “Up with what?”

“You fuck me, and now you’re, what, dating Tolkien?”

Kylie started to look a little incensed. Steph was glad for it. Any emotion she could inspire in Kylie was better than apathy, even if that emotion was fury. “I’m not dating anyone, Stephanie. And if you want to keep your fucking voice down, that would be nice.”

“What, you don’t want everyone to know that you fucked me? Are you ashamed or some shit?”

“Leave it alone, Steph.” Kylie rose quickly, striding past Steph.

Steph grabbed her arm. “What the fuck? No, why the fuck did you sleep with me.”

“Because I wanted to! And I did! And it’s over now!”

Steph took a step back, dropping her hold on Kylie’s arm. Kylie looked a little regretful and opened her mouth as if to say something, but then she just closed it and walked away. 

Steph didn’t speak to her again for four days.

Not talking to Kylie was strange for a number of reasons, but it was most certainly strange not to have any clue whether or not Kylie would be going to Will’s party. It was likely that she wouldn’t, as Kylie hardly went to social gatherings even when Steph begged her. Still, even the slightest chance of seeing her there made Steph hesitant to attend. 

“Steph,” Will said over the phone, voice a strange mix of chastising and pleading, “I’m being so fucking honest with you right now: stand the fuck up. She’s not gonna come. And who gives a fuck if she does, anyway? Stop rotting. And fucking yearning. Come.”

So Steph went. 

She’d probably never been more thankful for Kenny in her life than when she agreed to go with her to Will’s dumb fucking party. It was brutally fucking cold that night, and when her doorbell rang, she opened it to find Kenny so thoroughly bundled that the only part of her visible was her eyes. 

“You’re gonna fucking freeze,” Kenny said, garbled through her parka.

“I will not . And it doesn’t even matter. I look hot.”

Steph did look hot, but she also was, most certainly, going to freeze.

Kenny just looked at her, so judgemental and yet so understanding that Steph couldn’t even be mad about it. 

Steph looked away. “Fuck off, let’s just go.”

The party was unreasonably booming for such a cold night. People poured in and out of Will’s house, strone about the yard, the furniture, even the fucking roof. 

Steph’s heart felt like it was gonna fall out of her damn ass as she looked around for Kylie’s distinct hair. She felt a little calmer every second she didn’t see her, until she glanced up to find Kenny gone. 

She stopped in place and glanced around a little helplessly until a heavy hand fell onto her shoulder.

“Hello, my bitch!”

Never had anyone been so happy to hear Cartman’s voice, and it was unlikely they’d ever be so happy to hear it again. 

Steph spun around to face her. It was pretty clear she was already drunk, considering her cheeks were about ten times more red than usual. 

“Cartman, hi ! Where the fuck is the alcohol?”

“I’ll show you, my sweet Steph. Come.”

Drunk Cartman was an usually tame and sweet Cartman. Steph followed behind her obediently to the kitchen, where Cartman thrust a shot into her hand. After she threw it back, Cartman handed her another, which she took gladly. 

“I was surprised you weren’t with your little ginger Jew,” Cartman said. “When she came in without you, I thought you must be sick. Was I wrong? Lovers’ spat, perchance?” 

“Fuck off, Cartman. Is Kylie here? Like, now?”

“Why, yes. I’m simply shocked you don’t know. She came in with Tolkien about an hour ago.”

“She came with Tolkien?”

“Yes, Stephanie, that’s what I said.”

Steph bent until her head rested on the countertop. “Give me another fucking shot.”

An indeterminate amount of time later, Steph stumbled into the living room with Butters hanging off her shoulders and slumped down against the wall. She and Butters both had been engaged in a terribly intense drinking competition, and by the end of it, neither of them could stand, yet no one was sure who had won.

After staring at the wall in front of her for a while, Butters drooling onto her shoulder, Steph began to get an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She glanced up and found Kylie with her eyes trained directly on Steph.

The look in her eyes was too much for drunk Steph to decipher. It was, at its core, intense. It was like the looks Kylie had thrown her before they had sex, the ones which were both dark with desire and tender with fondness. But it was more than that, too. It was angry, and hungry, and way too much for Steph to handle, especially when Tolkien was laying down with her head in Kylie’s lap. 

Steph blinked for a moment, like a prey animal. Kylie’s gaze only got more intense when Steph made eye contact, so she looked back to the wall. As gently as she could, she pushed Butters off of her shoulder and onto the carpet. Stumblingly, she rose and began to walk to the door.

Most everyone was asleep on some surface or at least getting there, so no one paid her much mind. Outside, it was freezing, and she didn’t have a coat, and she had walked here with Kenny, and she couldn’t go home this drunk, but anything seemed better than that living room, than Kylie and Tolkien lying together on the couch.

She stumbled vaguely in the direction of the elementary school, teeth chattering and skin pebbling, until she found the playground and plopped down onto a swing. 

The harsh wind blew it gently back and forth, her toes scraping gently along the rubber. It was completely dark out, the only light coming from the fluorescent street lamp, which illuminated the frantic swirling of the snow. 

She shivered violently, the metal of the chains burning holes into her hands. 

“ Stephanie! ” 

Steph ignored it, staring blankly into the snow.

“Don’t you fucking ignore me, Stephanie! Are you a fucking dumbass? What the hell are you doing?”

Slowly, Steph turned her head around. Kylie was marching toward her through the snow, hair lit up like fire with the street light behind her. She looked about as angry as Steph had ever seen her. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s below fucking freezing, and it’s fucking snowing, and you’re drunk off your ass. Why the fuck do you not have a coat?” Kylie said as she got right up to Steph’s face. She thrust a coat into Steph’s lap. “Put it on.”

Steph just looked down at it blankly. “Jesus fuck, Steph,” Kylie muttered, scooping the coat back up and beginning to force Steph’s limp arms into it. She zipped it up aggressively to Steph’s chin. 

Steph inhaled and caught a wiff of familiar cologne. “Is this Will’s?”

Kylie stared at her incredulously. “Is it Will’s? I don’t fucking know whose it is. I wasn’t really thinking about it. I was thinking that my dumbass bitch of a best friend was going to freeze, and I should really grab her a coat before I went chasing after her. I got you a hat, too. You’re welcome, cunt.” She pulled a hat from her back pocket and jammed it unceremoniously onto Steph’s head.

Steph stared back down at her feet, watching as they made small tracks in the piling snow. “You shouldn’t have left Tolkien. She looked pretty drunk.”

“Tolkien’s friends can take care of her. You’re my friend, and you also look pretty damn drunk. I told you not to have drinking competitions with Butters anymore.”

Steph remained quiet, her swing still drifting back and forth with the wind. After a moment, Kylie reached out and grabbed the chains, stopping Steph’s movement.

Steph looked back up at her. “I don’t understand.”

Kylie mellowed a little. “What don’t you understand?”

“Why did you sleep with me?”

“You’re drunk, Steph.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I want to know.”

“You aren’t thinking clearly. It’s- I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“Okay. Then go away.”

“Steph. I’m not leaving you here like this.”

“Go, I want you to go. Please. Please, Kylie, I just want you to go.”

“I slept with you because I wanted to. That’s all there is to it. I wasn’t lying.”

“Because you were horny? And I was conveinent?”

“ No , Steph, Jesus. Because I wanted to sleep with you , not because I just wanted to sleep with someone.”

“Then why was everything the same after? Was it not good?” Steph looked up at Kylie, feeling pathetic and knowing she must look it, too.

“It was good, Steph. I just thought that maybe if I got it out of my system then-” Kylie shrugged and looked away. 

“Then what?”

“Then, I don’t know. I could focus on something other than you? I could think a little more clearly?”

“Did it work?”

Kylie smiled at her indulgently. “No. Of course it didn’t.”

Steph shook her head. “Why didn’t you say something to me?”

“You were so angry. And I was embarrassed. And I didn’t know how you felt.”

“You could’ve asked.”

“Yeah. I could’ve.”

Steph nodded slowly. “Okay. Come here.”

“I am here.”

“No, come closer.”

Kylie leaned her head down. Steph leaned up and kissed her. Kylie pulled away quickly. “Jesus, Steph, you smell like an entire bottle of Tito’s.”

“Kylie, come back. Kiss me.”

“No. Come on, we’re going to my house.”

Steph brightened up. “To fuck?”

“Uh, no. To sleep.”

Steph frowned, but let Kylie lead her gently by the hand all the way home.

When Steph woke up the next morning, it was to a splitting headache and a sore throat. Without a word, Kylie handed her a bottle of water and some Advil, and then stroked her hair until she fell back asleep.

Later, when she woke up once more and felt a bit more like a person, the bed was empty of Kylie. Blinking slowly, Steph flipped her phone over to check for a message, but there was none. Shrugging, she stumbled to Kylie’s bathroom, desparate to get the scent of vodka off of her body. 

She loved showering at Kylie’s because all of Kylie’s shower products smelt like her, and it meant Steph got to smell like her, too. After the shower, she slipped into some of Kylie’s clothes and laid back down. 

where r u?? she texted Kylie.

sry. omw. was the brief response.

Kylie stumbled in a little while later, cheeks red with the cold. “Sorry. Will texted and wanted his coat back. I didn’t think you’d wake up.”

“Weirdly nice of you to bring it back to his house.”

“Well, I’ve just taken his on-and-off girlfriend from him. Figured I owed the guy his coat back, at least.” Kylie crawled up to Steph on the bed, about to flop on top of her before she paused and sniffed.

“Did you shower? And are those my clothes?”

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

Kylie blinked at her, something changing in her eyes, before she leaned forward and kissed Steph. It was chaste, at first, like a hi I missed you kiss, until Kylie opened her mouth and deepend it. Steph let herself be pushed back gently onto the pillows, Kylie settling her weight on top of her.

Steph’s hands slipped under Kylie’s sweater. Kylie’s slipped into Steph’s hair. 

“I want to eat you out,” Kylie said abruptly.

“Um,” Steph said. “Um, okay.”

“Awesome,” Kylie said, slipping down instantly to get at Steph’s borrowed shorts. She slipped them down her legs then paused. “Holy fuck, are these my underwear?” 

“Yes. I told you I borrowed your clothes.” 

“These aren’t my clothes. These are my- my under clothes.”

“Okay, weirdo. Is it a problem?”

Kylie didn’t answer, but from the way she buried her face in Steph’s pussy through her own underwear, Steph assumed it wasn’t.

Steph’s hands went to Kylie’s hair as Kylie pushed her underwear out of the way and began eating her out in earnest. Kylie was frustratingly good at it, and it didn’t take long for Steph to pull her away and back up to her face.

Kylie smiled at her smugly. “Good?”

“I want to finger you. Lay on your stomach?”

Kylie stopped smiling and flipped over onto her stomach immediately.

Steph slung a leg over her and pulled her pants and underwear down as one. 

“Why my stomach?” Kylie asked from where her face was buried in the pillows.

“Don’t know. I’ve just thought about it like this before.”

Steph dipped her finger into Kylie and began moving it a little. Kylie started squirming immediately, making little noises. Steph kept going until Kylie’s squirming got to be too much, and she had to tighten the grip of her thighs around Kylie. It worked for a moment, but then Kylie started moving away again. Steph reached forward with her free hand and grabbed Kylie’s hair, pulling her head back a little.

“Stop moving,” she said.

“Mm. Okay,” Kylie said breathlessly, flopping down limply. 

Steph petted her hair back a little. “Good.”

Kylie made a noise into the pillow. Steph removed the hand from Kylie’s hair and moved it onto her clit. Kylie made a louder noise, pushing up into it.

Steph leaned her body down over Kylie’s to still her. “Stop moving,” she said again. Kylie stopped moving. 

She kept going until Kylie swatted her off.

“Oh my god ,” Kylie said. 

“Good?” Steph asked her.

“It was alright,” Kylie said, and she leaned over to kiss her.