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She was gone and it was his fault.
Miss Young. Sky. A brilliant mind that had so much to offer and was cut off early. Far, far too early. And it was Viktor’s fault.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know where you’d have preferred…” a lump formed in his throat and he tried his best to swallow it down. “I’m sorry.”
His hands shook as he spilled the ashes out into the air where they would be carried down into the water and end up in Zaun. He hoped they did, anyway. It was where she was from. Where he was from. Where they had met only once as children, though it could barely be called meeting. All that had been shared were a couple of awkward glances and then she had gone off to play with kids that could actually move around. Play with kids that didn’t need a cane to walk…
He dropped the urn as well, guilt overwhelming his entire being so thickly it was like a blanket. He reached for Sky’s notebook he had brought, but a cough interrupted him, rattling his chest slightly. With a grunt he hauled himself up and leaned heavily onto his crutch, turning back to leave.
Shame and guilt. Overwhelming sorrow. His mind was fogged and felt empty yet so full at the same time. His ears were ringing and he turned his head to look back.
The ringing grew quieter… his mind clear. For the first time in a while. He felt… light. Almost. He stepped closer to the ledge, looking down to where the water flowed out from the large pipes.
It would be quick. Wouldn’t it?
Yes… it would be quick. He still wouldn’t forgive himself. Didn’t think he should be forgiven. Sky was dead because of him…
Dead.
…Death…
Death seemed welcoming.
He slid his foot closer to the edge, swallowing thickly and readjusting the grip on his crutch.
His breathing was shaky. Heart hammered in his chest, feeling like it would explode either way if he did this or not.
No. There was no turning back now.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
I am sorry, Sky.
I am sorry, Jayce.
He leaned forward, feeling weightless and like the entire world was crushing him at the same time-
“Am I interrupting?”
His head swiveled so fast it left him dizzy and his knee locked then gave out under him. He saw Jayce’s face morph into one of pure horror as he fell backwards.
“VIKTOR-!”
Off the ledge.
It didn’t feel peaceful anymore. But Viktor closed his eyes and prepared to embrace it anyway. It was what he had meant to do in the first place after all.
A sharp, stabbing pain went up his arm and there was a sickening crack and he yelped. Dislocated at best. Possibly broken. His eyes shot open and he looked up, seeing Jayce gripping his forearm tightly. Like he would die if he let go.
Viktor looked down.
Oh. Right…
He would’ve.
He watched as his crutch cracked in half off a rocky wall and then landed in the water with a splash he couldn’t hear from this high up. The Piltovan’s eyes were wide and scared, tears brimming them and threatening to fall over at any moment. Carefully, he got Viktor back up over the ledge and into his arms, scooting back as far as he could into the shadowed area while shaking.
One of Jayce’s hands was curled into the Zaunite’s brown hair. The other was still gripping his arm, refusing to let go of it. Viktor could feel the other man shaking against him. He hadn’t seen Jayce so… distraught before. Other than the first time they met. In a very familiar scenario. But even then, there wasn’t any kind of panic like this.
“Why?” Jayce croaked out, voice thick with emotion.
A chill creeped over Viktor and his mouth felt dry. The reality of the situation seemed to crash down onto him like a pile of rocks. Heavy, heavy rocks that pushed all the air out of his lungs until he was struggling to breathe. A choked cry left his own mouth and Jayce’s head snapped up, staring at the Czech man who was now openly weeping in front of him. Sobs wracked his entire body as he allowed himself to feel everything he had buried and also what he had just done.
The hand at the back of his head brought him closer, tucking his face into the crook of Jayce’s neck. His hands found the man’s chest, pushing against it as if to try and get away, but he was no match for Jayce’s strength. So, instead he just cried, open mouthed wailing that trailed off into coughing fits he smothered with his hand.
Tear drops ran down his cheeks and he couldn’t tell if they were all his own or if Jayce’s were joining his. By the way his partner’s frame shook, he wouldn’t be surprised by it.
No words were shared. They just sat there, crying together for different reasons. It lasted what felt like forever.
“I’ll-” Jayce’s voice was rough from crying, “I’ll make you another crutch. I don’t care how many I have to go through just-” he inhaled deeply. “Just stay… Please just stay.” He pleaded.
The pain in Viktor’s arm began to grow worse, throbbing every second. But it didn’t seem so important right now.
What could he even say to that? He felt so burdened with guilt. With shame. Would Jayce be acting the same way if Viktor told him what had happened? How his hand and leg were now a mesh of metal and purple sinewy flesh? How he saw Sky’s body vaporize with his own two eyes. Heard her final scream of fear.
He wasn’t so sure.
They had worked side by side for so long now, but this? Viktor felt like he had gone too far.
He didn’t reply.
So they stayed like that. With Jayce curled around Viktor in a protective manner and Viktor huddled against him, cradling his arm and with a million thoughts whirling around in his brain.
They would have to talk about this. Talk about a lot of things.
But right now the silence was all he needed.
Jayce would understand.