Chapter Text
Ant: I don’t wish to say I told you so but
Fran: I don’t mind
Fran: We told you so.
Hy: I’m not even going to protest
Hy: That was a disaster
Greg: It was horrifying to watch
Ben: It was horrifying to be in
Ant: Daph?
Daphne: I can admit I was wrong
Daphne: Simon and David are the only ones not causing me stress at this point
El: Well silver lining
El: No big family things until Christmas
Colin: 🎉
Greg: Are we doing family teams or kid teams for team building?
Hy: NO KID TEAMS
Ant: Family teams
Ant: I fear for my sons and Ben’s on one team.
Ben: Same
Colin: That’s fine but Jane doesn’t want to play
Colin: And Thomas wants to be with people who don’t care
El: Who is that?
Daphne: Great Question
Daphne: What does he mean by doesn’t care?
Colin: I’ll ask.
Hy: Gareth has informed me that George also doesn’t want to play
Hy: Maybe the kids who don’t want to play can be with an adult who doesn’t want to play
El: Cress doesn’t want to play
Ben: Neither does Soph
Daphne: There we go.
Ant: That’s fine by me
Daphne: Mama wants her Winter Gala to be big next year.
Colin: How big?
Ben: She asked me to draw her vision.
El: This has Marcus written all over it
Daphne: It does.
El: PJ is requesting some girl cousin time
El: Who is free?
Fran: Really?
El: Besides Margo and Helena
El: Thought that was a given since we talked about this already
Colin: Jane squealed so yes
El: Great
El: Hy? Daph?
Daphne: Bel and Caro would love it.
Hy: Girl Cousin time?
Hy: Izzy is in
El: Great
El: Cress will be reaching out within the hour.
Colin: So the boy cousins don’t want boy cousin time?
Ben: Andrew and Charlie hang out all the time
Ant: Didn’t Neddy and Thomas see each other yesterday?
Colin: I meant in a big group.
Ben: Oh no.
Ant: Too much Sharma-Bridgerton/Baek-Bridgerton fighting
Colin: Oh fair.
Ben: I feel like we are missing something else stressful this month.
Colin: Brighton?
El: That’s kid free
Colin: Oh that should be fun
Ben: Yeah
Daphne: Okay so only Team Building.
Daphne: This is doable.
El: It is.
Ben: Could I trouble someone to watch my children?
Ben: Sophie is midwifing and I need to do some admin work
Fran: Wills
Colin: Dammit
Colin: We’ll take Alex
El: Bring my godson over.
Ben: Thank you
Colin: Thomas wants to be with people who don’t care if they lose
Greg: That’s Gareth and Pen
Colin: I know
Colin: But I wanted Pen to be with me
El: No.
El: Ben and I already sacrificed
Ant: All in favor?
Daphne: Aye
Fran: Aye
Hy: Cool
Greg: 👍🏻
Colin: Fine
Colin: Thomas can be with Gareth and Pen
Fran: I’d like to cash in my June sleepover credits during September.
Ant: You’ve been saving it for your anniversary?
Hy: That’s smart.
Colin: I call Andrew.
Ben: Margo
El: Jokes on you both
El: I wanted Helena
Daphne: You did?
El: Be nice to Cress’s goddaughter
Fran: I’ll send you dates once they are nailed down
Fran: Pleasure doing business.
Ant: Why are Kate and I the only ones here?
Ben: Sophie got called in last night.
Ant: Oh no
Colin: We just left.
Ben: She’s going to try and make it
El: Cress is driving
Ant: Got it
Daphne: We’re in my office
Daphne: Bel is giving us pep talks
Greg: Parking
Hy: Ditto
Ant: Fran?
Fran: We’re in Mama’s office
Fran: Margo doesn’t want to play
Fran: Helena is trying to convince her to.
Ant: Can you do that outside?
Ant: My speech starts in 15
Fran: We’ll try
Ant: Is anyone willing to swap a child with Miles?
El: Is he not competitive enough for you?
Ant: More like he and Neddy are trying to beat us despite us all being a team
Hy: No.
Hy: You earned this
Daphne: All in favor of Miles staying?
Ben: He stays
Colin: Agreed
Fran: Keep him
Greg: Sorry Ant
El: In favor
Ant: You guys suck
Colin: Helena’s aim is amazing
Fran: There may have been practicing in the backyard
Daphne: I thought Michaela didn’t really love non structured yard games?
Fran: No with me
Fran: I want to win
Ben: That was a cheap shot Greg
Greg: This is war
Greg: You’re not my brother right now
Colin: I’m so sorry Daph
Daphne: It’s fine.
Daphne: Cress googled concussion signs.
Daphne: I’m good
El: Daph did you get that video?
Daphne: Yes
Ben: Rude
Greg: But hilarious
Hy: Can someone tag George out so he can be done?
Fran: Do you want it done nicely or quickly?
Hy: I may regret this
Hy: Quickly
Fran: Helena is on her way
Daphne: I’ll send you the video Ben
Ben: Thank you!
El: 🖕🏻
El: Fran!
Fran: We love you Aunt El but we came to win
Ant: What did I miss?
Hy: A Stirling Bloodbath
Ant: ?
Ben: We’re lucky they don’t play every year
Hy: I fear they might
Ben: True
Daphne: The sports give them an advantage
Ant: I see
Colin: The food is the only solace I have from today
Ben: So your children aren’t competitive
Ben: That’s okay
Hy: I don’t know where they get it from
Greg: The Featherington side.
Hy: But Portia is…Portia
Greg: True
Daphne: I got it everyone
Hy: 🎉
Ant: Excellent
Greg: Margo is ruthless
Fran: 🥰
Fran: I know
El: Fran Jr.
Ant: When are football sign ups?
Fran: September
Ant: 👍🏻
Fran: I’m not going to apologize for kicking everyone’s ass
Fran: I will apologize for the gloating from my children
Daphne: Thank you
Ben: Very mean
Ben: Except for Ant
Ben: He deserves it
Ant: HEY
Colin: Honestly
Colin: My kids don’t care
Hy: I think Izzy was rooting for you
El: Again, we need to cancel brunch after big events
Ben: You sound very in-lawish right now
El: They bring up a good point
Fran: We stopped playing the video
El: Ignore what I said
Greg: Can someone with a dog call me?
Hy: You’re getting a dog?
Fran: Now?
Greg: Three Musketeers call?
Hy: I’m free
Fran: 👍🏻
Daphne: Colin
Daphne: Thomas is here?
Colin: Yes
Colin: Pen cleared it with Simon
Daphne: 👍🏻
Ant: Can someone take Mary?
El: Why?
Ant: We need to do school things
Ant: Mary’s teeth are making her extra grumpy
El: Sure
Ant: Thank you Cress
El: HEY
Ant: And El.
El: 🙄
Hy: Thank you all for coming to cake
Greg: It was fun
Fran: It was quick
Fran: Good job
Hy: I learned it from you
El: No sleepover?
Hy: He wanted to stay with Uncle Greg and Aunt Lucy
Greg: We have a date with FIFA 2031
Ben: Aww
Ben: Good for Georgie
Colin: Maybe that can be the new birthday thing
Greg: Let’s not get too hasty.
Ant: I’m counting down the days for school to come back
Daphne: Same
Hy: We’re fine over here
Ant: Your children are not competitive
Hy: No
Hy: They’re nosy
Greg: They get it honest
Hy: I’m not embarrassed
Colin: Give them some mystery books
Colin: Ask Pen
Hy: Oh good idea.
El: PJ’s dance schedule is in the Family Calendar
Ben: You use the calendar?
Ant: Cress did this?
El: I did
Fran: After Cress made her
El: Rude
Colin: That makes sense
Ant: Well can’t wait
Colin: Are they still taking dancers?
El: Jane?
Colin: Thomas
El: I’ll send the contact
Greg: Who wants to see a film?
El: As long as it isn’t dumb
Fran: Ditto
Hy: Sequel chat!
Greg: 👍🏻
Colin: Rude
Ant: Do you want to do something today?
Colin: Yes
Ant: Daph? Ben?
Ben: I’m painting
Daphne: I’m enjoying some Bel and Caro time
Daphne: But thank you
Ant: Just you and me Colin
Colin: That’s cool
Ant: Hy?
Hy: I’m calling you now
Daphne: Would someone take my children?
Ant: Caro
Ben: Augie
Hy: David
Greg: Bel
Daphne: Thank you!
Ant: We are sticking to the travel groups.
Ant: Daph you are in Group 2
Daphne: I feel like I may hate that
Greg: You will
Hy: I’d say we’d trade you Benophie but then Fran and I would die with Colin
Fran: It’d be too hard to keep Colin and El on time
Colin: HEY
El: RUDE
Daphne: I understand
Daphne: Thank you for the thought though
Hy: I can’t believe we’re actually doing this
Ant: Doing what?
Hy: Having a kid free weekend!
Colin: Are you excited?
Hy: I am
Hy: Even though some of us are being negative nancies
Fran: I’m not opposed to this in theory
Fran: I’m reluctant to do this now
Ben: Same
Daphne: Third
Colin: We need sibling time!
Ben: Aubrey wasn’t enough?
El: This is also an apology for Disney and Brighton 2029
Ben: I already apologized for that
Daphne: Same
Ant: Too late.
Ant: We paid
Colin: So how much time are we spending together?
Ant: Meals
Ant: Some outings
Daphne: How many meals?
Daphne: I’d like some alone time with Simon
El: Are you gunning for number 5?
Daphne: Don’t even speak that
Ben: Seriously
Ben: Why would you put that in the air?
El: Sorry
Hy: We will pretend that was never said
Colin: You didn’t really answer my question
Daphne: We are picking you up now and will discuss in the car
Colin: 👍🏻
Ben: Our rooms are not next to each other
Daphne: Are you happy or sad?
Colin: I’m sad to hear that
Ben: Happy
Daphne: I’m also happy.
Fran: Me too
Ant: Lunch then beach then some window shopping
Colin: 🫡
Daphne: Can we do actual shopping?
Greg: Is the whole weekend going to be like this?
Ant: Yes and yes
Hy: Let me break that to Gareth
Ben: Seafood?
Greg: I thought we voted
Ant: We did
Ant: This won
Greg: 😞
El: Are we ever going to the beach?
Ant: Yes
Ant: Let’s go everyone
Fran: We’re running late
Greg: Ditto
Ben: Same
Ant: Now
Fran: Fine
Ben: You’re such a drill sergeant
Ant: Dinner in one hour
El: We just got back?
Ant: Dinner
Hy: Here we go
Colin: Where are we eating?
Ant: Why?
Colin: I need to dress
Ant: It’s semi casual
El: What does that mean?
Ben: Denim?
Ben: Slacks?
Ant: Please consult your wives.
Hy: Kate dressed you?
Ant: Yes
Daphne: Who are the designated drivers?
Hy: Gareth
Greg: Lucy
Ben: I just saw both of them do shots
Hy: Shit.
Greg: It’s me and Hy now
Daphne: 👍🏻
Colin: Why are the in-laws sulking?
Daphne: That’s just Simon’s face
Ben: No.
Ben: Soph is pouting
El: There is whispering at their table that stops when I walk up
Hy: Because you don’t know how to listen correctly
El: Then go!
Hy: I can’t figure out what is going on
Hy: They have a code
Greg: They speak in code?
Ant: When did this start?
Hy: 🤷🏻♀️
Ben: Sophie won’t say.
Hy: Let me try.
Hy: Nope.
Ant: I’ll ask Kate.
Hy: Anything?
Ant: No.
Ant: Greg?
Greg: Lucy made it clear she was not super excited when we left. Maybe that’s it?
Colin: No all of them were excited.
Daphne: Were they?
El: They acted like they were
Fran: They usually do.
Fran: They are very sweet that way
Ben: So what?
Ben: They are deciding to stop faking it?
Colin: Like a strike?
El: Can they strike?
Ant: This family isn’t a job.
Greg: It’s not?
Fran: The in-laws are possibly rebelling against this trip
Ant: Possibly?
Fran: I’m trying to get Michaela to spill
El: She’s drunk enough?
Fran: Yes
Colin: 😮
Fran: She keeps talking about my legs
Ant: Get her back on topic
Ant: This is important
Fran: She would argue my legs are more important to her
Fran: Someone else needs to try with me.
Daphne: They didn’t want to come
Ant: We figured that out.
Daphne: Yes but they really didn’t want to come
Hy: Simon is the worst person to ask
Hy: Colin ask Pen
Colin: 👍🏻
Colin: Pen wants to preface this by saying they all love us very much
Colin: Even Simon
El: Really?
Greg: Sounds fake but continue
Colin: And normally this would be very sweet and fun
Colin: But they are tired
Ant: Of what?
Colin: Of having big family events
Colin: This is the third one in three months
Hy: The kids aren’t here
Daphne: I’ve talked my children down from meltdowns more today than I did at Aubrey
Ben: 😬
Ben: Same
Colin: They miss the kids
Colin: And they want some quiet
Colin: We may be hitting too much big family time
Ant: I’m asking Kate
Greg: Colin I believe you
Hy: So how do we fix it?
Fran: By having a day that we aren’t all together.
Daphne: Michaela confirmed?
Fran: Yes before falling asleep
Fran: Apparently Sophie is ready to rent a car to go back home
Ben: Let me go cuddle my wife
Ant: We’re only having dinner together tomorrow.
Ant: Enjoy the free day.
Colin: 🎉
Colin: That’s from Pen
Hy: Who is going to the beach?
Greg: Are we allowed to interact?
Ben: No?
Colin: We’re going and yes
Hy: 👍🏻
Daphne: Ran into Fran and Michaela at the museum
Ant: Did you get yelled at?
Daphne: We had a nice lunch actually
Daphne: Then they ditched us for the Lego shop
Hy: That’s where Gareth went?
Ben: It’s so nice!
Colin: Rude!
Greg: If you stay quiet, I’ll take you
Colin: 🤐
Ant: Well
Colin: Out with it old man
Ant: The alone time is nice
El: I’ll cosign
Ben: See?
Ant: Maybe we should spend less time together
Colin: How much less?
Colin: Once a month?
Greg: Let’s not go that far
Fran: A normal amount
Daphne: What is that?
Fran: Once a week
El: That’s never happening
Daphne: I don’t think the kids would let us
Ben: Maybe three to four times a week
Ant: That sounds reasonable
El: I don’t see pouting
Ben: Simon smiled?
Greg: Kate said something fun
Ant: I’m going to break that up
Daphne: Thank you
Hy: Are we ready to go?
Greg: Group 1 is running late?
Ben: Sorry
Ben: The boys called and slowed us down
El: We’re in the lift
Fran: We’re already in the car.
Ant: Colin!
Colin: Sorry!
Hy: Is everyone home and being hugged?
Greg: Home
Greg: But not being hugged
Fran: Yes
Hy: 🫂
Colin: So many hugs
Greg: 🫂
Ben: Happy to be home
Ant: I vote to never all leave the children again
Daphne: Second
Daphne: Also home
El: Home
El: Third
Ben: I had fun
Colin: Me too
Fran: I’m just happy I don’t have a cast
Hy: No one has a cast so this was successful
El: Good job team!
Hy: Are the twins just cake?
Fran: Yes
Greg: 👍🏻
Daphne: Fran I did not sign off on this gift.
El: None of the sisters did
El: We were in charge of Margo’s gift
Ant: I let the other brothers decide the gift
Fran: I’m concerned
Hy: You should be
Fran: No
Ben: Too late!
Colin: They love it!
Greg: Look even Andrew likes it
Fran: Who’s idea was this?
Colin: No comment
El: You can’t say no now Fran
Fran: Yes I can
Daphne: Michaela is using it
Fran: 😩
Ant: I vote we have more athletic birthday parties
Ant: Everyone is ready to go to sleep.
Daphne: Second
Ben: Third.
Fran: Thank you all for stopping by.
Fran: And for the football net I guess
Colin: You’re welcome!
Ben: Your face was thank you enough
Greg: It’s your new contact photo.
Fran: 😐
Ben: Can Alex come and practice?
Fran: Of course.
Hy: Oldest older siblings?
Hy: Who tagged me as a dog?
Ant: Pardon?
El: You got that too?
Greg: SURPRISE!
Daphne: What?
Ant: What is going on?
Colin: You got eight corgis?!
Ben: Wait what?
Hy: THAT’S YOU?
Greg: Yeah
Fran: Corgi Fran is cute
Fran: Thanks
Greg: Welcome
Greg: Lucy and I got dogs!
Ant: You didn’t get dogs
Ant: You got an entire litter
Greg: And named them after all of you
El: Wait, what?
El: There is a Corgi Eloise?
Greg: Yeah
Daphne: Should I be flattered?
Greg: Yeah.
El: I don’t approve of a Corgi Eloise.
Greg: Their mom had 8 puppies - 4 boys and 4 girls.
Greg: Lucy was like “it’s fate”
Daphne: 😕
Colin: Corgi Colin looks goofy
Ant: Please say you are kidding
Ant: Kate is finding this too funny
Ben: If the shoe fits
Hy: When can we meet them?
Colin: HEY
Greg: In a few days
Greg: We have to finish getting them settled
Ben: Are you sure you can handle this?
Greg: Did you ask that before having kids?
Ben: Touché
Greg: Okay parenting is hard
Ant: You have 8 dogs
Ant: We have children
Hy: He has 8 PUPPIES
Fran: Puppies are just toddlers without thumbs
Ant: I’ve had a dog
Ant: It’s not like that
Ben: One. Newton was Kate’s
Hy: RIP BIG NEWT
El: 🙏🏻
Ben: Two. Greg has puppies!
Colin: Miss that guy
Daphne: Do you remember that time you watched all the 2025 babies?
Ant: Oh God
Greg: It’s like that but they can’t talk
Ant: Well excuse me
Daphne: Corgi Daphne is adorable and my children can never go over there
Daphne: We’ve been fighting a dog since Reis
Ben: We’re looking
Colin: Wow that was quick
Ben: I folded like a napkin
El: Weak!
Ant: Kate’s ready for a new dog because of this
Ben: 🖕🏻
Greg: Well, Mum can have 18 granddogs to go with the 18 grandchildren
El: I wouldn’t go that far
Hy: Greg, you’re going viral
Greg: I’m aware
El: Over what?
El: It’s just dogs
Daphne: Puppies
Fran: People love babies and puppies
Fran: Also they are corgi puppies
Colin: You’re welcome
Greg: I forget you’re popular
Colin: I have best selling travel books?
Ben: We don’t think of you like that.
Ben: Just like we don’t think of Fran as famous
Fran: I’m not
Ant: You are a little
Ant: But be careful Greg
Ant: Try to not make it obvious where you are
Daphne: He’s got it Ant
Greg: Yeah
Greg: Anyway the puppies are open to visitors
Hy: We are on our way Uncle Greg!
Hy: Corgi Hy is so cute!
Colin: Seriously adorable
Fran: Reis enjoyed meeting his dog cousins
Hy: As did Poirot.
Greg: Can I send you pictures for tagging approval?
Hy: Yes
Fran: Yes
Greg: 👍🏻
Daphne: Corgi Anthony is in danger of being stolen by Human Anthony
Ant: Don’t call me Human Anthony
Greg: Kate took photos everyone
Greg: Ant is smiling
Colin: 😮
Hy: Awwww
Ben: Corgi Ben and Corgi Colin are the best
Colin: Agreed
El: Do I need to go meet Corgi Eloise?
Fran: Yes
El: Fine
El: I will admit that Corgi Eloise is cute
Greg: Right?
El: Good job Greg
Greg: Thanks
El: I revoke my good job
Greg: No
Daphne: Why?
El: Cress now wants a dog
Ben: 🤣