Chapter Text
The shriek bounced off the high arched ceilings, "Oh my God, it's a Savant!"
"Where? What?" Ashley's rifle leapt to life in her hands, springing to a more comfortable shape as she scanned the office suite in apprehension. Of the three soldiers, she was the only one who seemed alarmed.
"Relax, Ash," Kaidan said. He turned from the console he'd been tapping at and approached the third figure crouched down beneath an upturned desk. "Where'd you find it?" he asked their Commander.
Ashley frowned, but holstered the fearsome rifle once more, watching the Commander with her dark eyes narrowed. She repositioned herself to watch the exits while the others continued in their unconnected observations. She found herself reaching for her pistol, running her gloved thumb over the grip.
Emerging from the safe she'd been rummaging around in, Shepard gave them a dizzied grin. She held up a smooth, plastic, blue box that fit neatly into the palm of her hand. "Look at it," she breathed. "Who just leaves this kind of thing lying around?"
Kaidan suppressed the smile that came to him. It took a little getting used to, but he had to admit the kleptomaniac tendencies of the Alliance's best and brightest was somewhat . . . adorable.
"I don't think having it in a safe counts as 'lying around'," Ashley spoke the retort that was playing on his mind. All the same, she stopped fingering her pistol and crossed her arms, leaning back against one of the desks. She frowned at the small package Shepard was turning over in her hands. "So what is it?"
"An amp," Kaidan supplied, as Shepard still seemed lost in wonder. "A damned good one too. Asari made."
Shepard looked up, eyes wide and mouth curved in a smile. It was infectious and he could feel himself grinning back. He'd never seen her so excited about something. She was always quick to pick up on what her crew wanted, tearing half way across the galaxy on a tip from Garrus or delaying departure for Tali's explorations. When Williams got gooey eyed over a new rifle, Shepard doubled back on the Citadel and paid out a small fortune for it. When he and Tali started arguing shield configurations, Shepard's face glazed over, disturbingly similar to the expression she used when listening to Udina, but still she listened to them and took their ideas on board. But now she was excited, practically bouncing on her toes as she brandished her find in her fist.
Damn it, she did 'cute' too. Beauty, grace, fierceness . . . he'd seen all of those in abundance in their Commander. Cute was throwing him for a loop. It felt altogether too . . . human. Humans dated. Humans thought about colleagues like that.
"I thought . . ." Ash hesitated, frowning at them both. "I thought they were in your skull?"
Shepard clasped her hand around the box.
"The implants are the parts that are interfaced with neural tissue," Kaidan told the younger woman, this explanation one he'd rolled out many times and it tripped off his tongue in a rehearsed cadence. "The amp is like a capacitor that can store and redistribute the eezo in the neural system, allowing for stronger fields, or faster recharges, dependent on the configuration of the dendrite-like connections in the interface."
Ash nodded, but her gaze lingered on the pocket Shepard had secured the amp in. "So that's a good one? Would it stop you having migraines, LT?"
Shepard's hand darted to the nape of her neck, where her dark hair concealed the wetware access spot. He suppressed the urge to tell her not to touch it. The Commander was probably a stronger biotic than he was, she'd certainly mastered more types of field. Doubtless she knew how to take care of her interface.
Back at BAaT, some kids hadn't been able to keep their hands away from where the tissue fused with metal, scratched and scratched until the interface got hot and red and was marked 'infected' on the kid's file. Some biotics had scarring there too. Like him, Shepard kept her hair long, long enough to cover any evidence of that peculiarity.
"No," he told Ash. This answer was not so rehearsed. "The implants I have are . . . larger, more invasive. They connect to more nodes in my neural tissue and that's partly what causes the migraines. The amp sits outside of implant, so can't affect the implants functioning."
"It probably wouldn't hurt though," Shepard said softly. "I mean, more controlled distribution of power, that's gotta help with the migraines."
He shook his head firmly. "No, Shepard, I don't think it would help. Besides, I'm doing pretty well with this Polaris, it doesn't exhaust me half as much as the old Unity." He tapped the back of his skull with a glove, giving her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Neither the Commander nor Ashley looked remotely reassured.
"So you put it in your brain?" Ash continued, oblivious to whatever was racing through Shepard's mind at the moment. The Commander lost her enthusiasm and brought up her pistol once more.
"Yeah, we do," she said. "Come on, let's find this damned mercenary."
"Yes, ma'am," Ash said quickly, falling in to line. The marine glanced at Kaidan, mouthing 'oops' at him. He shook his head, and returned with 'don't worry', walking drag as they moved out.
***
The amp, still in its box, remained on her desk. Since returning to the Normandy she'd cleaned her kit, requisitioned a new shotgun for Wrex, had a long, long shower that did nothing to work the kinks out of her system, and filed a mission report for Hackett.
The amp still sat on her desk. Safely nestled in its protective shell.
If Serrice Council realised she had it they'd probably try and buy it back from her. They were notoriously possessive of their tech. She could probably get even more from the black market. Fighting Saren and the geth was not a cheap exercise. The Alliance couldn't afford to keep her crew supplied with the kind of weaponry and armour they coveted.
But that amp . . . As a teenager, hurting, alone, she had poured heart, soul, body and mind into her manifesting talents. Her mastery of half a dozen fields was not born out of love of physics, or natural ability, but the produce of one frightened girl who had suddenly been given the gift of never being weaponless again.
She paced the floor of her cabin. A few years earlier and she would have been given L2 implants. Who knew how strong she would have been? Or would she have been a vegetable? Kaidan's raw power did give her pause for thought, but she'd also seen him curled up in a darkened medbay, with Chakwas walking on eggshells.
If that amp would help . . .
. . . The choice had been made really, and a weight lifted from her chest as she realised it. Yes, the money would have been nice, but this was Kaidan. He needed this amp. And not just because his biotics would improve. If it would help him, it was worth it.
He was working at the station outside of her quarters, chewing on a thumbnail as he contemplated the power output of the grid. He glanced up when she rounded the corner, aware of her presence again. She tried not to double guess herself about that. With everything going on, she needed to be confident in at least one of her instincts. He liked her. He had to like her.
Please let him like her. She opened her mouth to speak and found her throat inexplicably tight. After a cough, she managed, "Kaidan, can I see you for a moment?"
Kaidan nodded, following her into the captain's cabin. "Something on your mind, Commander?" he asked as the doors closed behind him.
"We're off the clock," she said, heading to the desk. Her fingers closed around the plastic box. "It's Shepard."
"Uh . . ." Kaidan's gaze was pulled to the amp in her hand. "Sorry, you're not wearing that?" he asked, pointing to it. "I'd have got that installed the moment I'd decontaminated out the airlock." He caught himself and checked his enthusiasm, wincing. "Uh, ma'am, I mean, uh, Shepard."
She chuckled and took a step toward him. "Kaidan, relax." Holding the amp between them, she cracked the seal on the box, revealing a slender silver chip, about a pinkie's length long and half as wide. The engraving on the side was ornate, a complex pattern that hinted at the circuitry beneath. Kaidan stared at it, and she watched his eyes, finding flecks of gold in the dark irises. "I want you to have it," she murmured, aware that her voice had dropped a few octaves, making it sound like much more than just an amp.
"Shepard, I . . ." he held his hands up, one closing around her wrist, strong and steady. "I can't take that."
"No, listen, I've thought very carefully about this and yes, it's valuable, but the benefit to the squad of having you at your best is greater than the financial benefit of selling it-" she was rambling, oh lord, like that flustered teenager she used to be.
Kaidan was shaking his head again. "Sell it?" he repeated. "No, you should use it! I've seen your biotics in action, they're nothing short of incredible."
"But I'm an L3," she protested, regarding the amp they were now somehow holding between them. "If you had something like this, Kaidan, hell you'd be unstoppable out there." She watched his fingers curl tighter around hers, felt a hard callus scraping across a soft patch on the back of her knuckles.
"That amp won't stop the migraines, Shepard. There's no pattern behind them, there's nothing that this amp can do for me."
"It'll make your powers stronger, faster," she broke in.
For a moment, she felt sure he was going to touch her cheek, but as soon as she thought she saw the impulse cross his mind, he had reined it back. "And it will do the same for you. With the kind of risks you take, you should have it. Humanity's Spectre should have the best."
Her heart was racing, her biotics beginning to crackle in anticipation. Kaidan smiled down at her and she had to lick her lips, suddenly parched. She had to look back down at the amp, anything to keep herself from fixating on his lips. "It just seems a little, I don't know, selfish?"
"Well, next time you pull our asses out of the fire with one of those singularities, you can tell me you think it's selfish." Now it was his voice that was pitched low and soft.
The amp glittered in the overhead lights. She pressed it into his hands. "Okay," she said, her voice coming out in a whisper. "Kaidan . . . would you?" She ran her hand through her hair, feeling the rigid line of her implant's join under the occipital bone.
She could see the hesitation in him, even though he tried to hide it by contemplating the amp once more, turning it over in his fingers. She willed him not to suggest Chakwas, not to deny his med skills, or hide behind regs, or any of the hundred ways he could escape the situation.
And if he did duck out, could she blame him?
Kaidan nodded. "I'll just . . . wash my hands," he said, stepping past her to set the amp on the desk, his shoulder brushing hers as he did.
***
This was the definition of letting things get out of hand. He inspected his fingernails under the stream of water, the anti-microbial soap visibly working to remove the last specks of dirt from his hands. From the corner of his eye he could see Shepard unwind her hair from it's bun, removing an array of grips and elastic and setting each one on the desk. Her hair was longer than he'd expected, tumbling half way down her back and she ran her fingers through the waves, shaking them out. He was taking far too long with the disinfectant, but it would have taken a squadron of geth, maybe even a colossus to divert his attention.
She slid her fingers through the hair at the back of her head, dividing it neatly to reveal the line of grey metal in her scalp. The back of his head itched at the sight. She tied up the bulk of her hair atop her head, smoothing down the section that started under the implant's slot, and she sat down at her chair.
It was nothing he hadn't seen a dozen or more times.
Just like he had seen at least a dozen lovers.
Yep.
"Okay," he said softly, approaching her slowly. "You're not ticklish, are you?"
"A little," she admitted. He could see her shoulders bunching under the navy shirt.
"Well," he set his hands on her shoulder, feeling her muscles jumping under his palms. "Relax, it'll be easier," he said, digging his fingers into her shoulders and chasing the tense muscles with the heels of his hands.
"They teach you this in BAaT?" she murmured, letting her head drop, although her shoulders didn't entirely lower.
"Hmm, not really," he said, his fingers scraping over the strap of her bra, buried under the fabric of her shirt. She shivered when he did so, and he shifted his attention to a knot at her neck, working at it industriously.
"So . . . where?"
"I knew an asari on Elysium. She had a few biotic tricks." Was it his imagination, or did she tense ever so slightly at that? At what point was he reading too much into the line of her shoulders? "Sorry," he said automatically as his fingers probed a line of stiff tissue under her right shoulder. "Is this an injury?"
"Yeah," she said softly. "PT never quite got it working right. You're not hurting me, don't worry."
"Okay," he said, somehow feeling like he'd pried too far. "The asari taught me that amps go in easier if you're relaxed."
"Huh. If there wasn't a rogue Spectre and a fleet of geth out there somewhere, I'd be really relaxed right now, I promise," she said.
He found himself wondering just how relaxed the Commander could get, if that might extend to long lazy Sundays in bed, or drinks on the beach. Not for the first time, he wondered what would have been different if Anderson was still the Captain and they weren't chasing Saren. All the same, her shoulders were now soft and giving under his hands. "Okay, I'm going to remove the amp," he said, noticing that she tensed as he said it. "Do you want a count down?"
"No," she said, but she sounded uncertain.
He decided to take that face value, running his fingers over the join of metal and skin on the back of her skull. It wasn't as simple as popping an omnitool card from a subdermal hand-mounted implant. These amps couldn't be removed without the use of two hands and they were damned tricky to do by yourself. He heard her hiss as the amp disconnected, and he wondered if she felt the same thing he did when an amp was removed. "It's like ice, I think," he said, removing the Prodigy amp she'd been using and setting it down on the desk.
"Yeah," her voice shook a little. "Like somebody drops a bucket of ice down your back."
Shepard and ice cubes conjured an image in his mind's eye that was going to keep him awake at night. He shook it away and lifted the Savant, removing a pre-sealed wipe from the box and wiping it and Shepard's implant-join down thoroughly.
"Maybe . . . warn me," she began, her fists clenching atop the desk.
He nodded, aligning the amp with her implant. "Okay," he promised. "We're at stage one, 'the anterior face of the amp meets the service grooves'," he quoted from memory. "Take a deep breath, and let it go," he added, noticing that she did so without hesitation. She trusted her crew, she trusted him . . . it was a little sobering. "Stage two, 'the amp is guided towards the intake'." The silver strip escaped his fingers then, the implant taking over and drawing it in and safe. "Stage three, 'the amp is induced to the interior implant'."
She gasped, throwing her head back and a purple blue corona flaring around her head like a halo of flame. Her eyes closed in an echo of ecstasy, her lips parted as she sucked in her breath.
He ached to lean down and close his mouth around hers, to touch her and make her cry out again, maybe even give her a name to shout. His name. Instead, he turned to the old amp, giving it a cursory wipe down and setting it in the Savant's box. "How's it feel, Shepard?" he asked.
She hopped to her feet, her hands flicking into a well known motion that brought one of her pillows flying towards them. She laughed as he ducked the projectile. "Oh . . . this feels amazing," she breathed, slamming the pillow against the deck with another twitch of her fingers.
He laughed. He had to, her enthusiasm was catching. "I'm looking forward to seeing it in action."
She grinned, approaching him slowly. "Thank you," she said, reaching up to trace her fingers along the line of the implant. "I don't really like doing it alone."
"Any time you don't fancy doing it alone," he said, before he could stop himself.
Her eyes widened, and she rocked back on her heels, folding her arms. "I'll bear that in mind, Lieutenant," she drawled, and he was sure she intended every ounce of the sexy purr she injected into her tone.
"I'll take this to Chakwas to disinfect," he said, raising the spare amp. "Can't wait to see you in action," he added, and a moment later wondered why his normal filters weren't in place.
She grinned, a hint of a blush forming on her cheeks. "Well I'd better go see what Hackett has for us then," she said, gathering up her hair and tying it back in the top knot he was used to seeing. "And Kaidan?"
"Yes?"
"Genuinely. Thank you."
He waited at the door for her to join him, smiling down at her. "And genuinely, any time," he told her. "And, uh, maybe you can repay the favour one day."
She beamed. "Any time."