Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

     Therapist: “So, repeat the list to me.”

      MC: “No horror media, no online gaming, don’t carry any weapons, and don’t go to parties or anything like that.”

     “Very good, our time is up for today.”

     “Alright, thanks doc.

     “Have a good week, MC.”

     “You too.”

_______________________________

SEPTEMBER – TWO WEEKS INTO SCHOOL

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

I slung my arm over on top of my alarm clock. Never was a fan of the noise, but who knows how long I would sleep without it. What time is it?

6 A.M.?

Ugh!

What day is it? I check my phone, reminding me that I have school today.

     “Oh shoot, it’s Monday!”

I hop out of bed, get in the shower, and put on my uniform. I head downstairs half expecting to find my mom cooking bacon and eggs, but she’s on a business trip and won’t be back for a while. As for my dad, well, I haven’t seen or heard from him since the divorce, but I think I’m doing pretty good for myself. The downside is that I tend to rely on quick or microwavable foods. But I have to admit, a toaster waffle with butter and syrup is really good. I look over at the oven clock.

7 A.M.

I’ll go a bit early, why not. I shut the lights off and walked out the door, locking it behind me. As I start walking to school, I spot a familiar girl with short coral pink hair with a red bow. She also has blue eyes. The girl begins eagerly running toward me. Her name is Sayori. She was my childhood friend for years. At some point, we stopped hanging out. It’s like waiting years for your favorite show to get another season. My mom tries to play dumb as to why I haven’t seen Sayori in so long, but I know she’s just not telling me.

     Sayori: “HI MC!!”

     MC: “Hey Sayori!”

A flood of memories comes back from our childhood. It’s a pleasant feeling, one that I feel only Sayori can generate.

Not that I have time to process those memories when Sayori gives me a big hug.

“Urf! H-How have you been?”

I ask as she squeezes the breath out of me.

     “Oh, I’ve been great, but what about you ? The last I heard from you was about your parents’ divorce.”

I don’t really know what to say. It seemed like the divorce was just a blink in time. It was a time where everything started going downhill. My mom put a ton of restrictions on my activity, and even worse, I couldn’t hang out with Sayori, my only real good friend. A flood of bleak memories comes back to me. 

Sayori seems to pick up on this.

     “O-oh I-I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I was just curious.”

     “No no, it’s ok Sayori. I-I just don’t know all the details myself.”

     I need to change this depressing topic.

“But I do remember the last thing we did together all those years ago.”

     Sayori’s face lights up. That did it.

     “Yeah, we scared your dad really good!”

     “Do you remember the look on his face?”

     We both share a laugh at the shared memory of scaring my dad.

     “And then we got sick from ice cream!”

I'm surprised she remembers that.

     “You got sick, Sayori. I was trying to stop you from eating too much.”

     “But it was soooo good.”

     “Yeah, it was pretty good.”

     “And sweet.”

     “Sayori, you could eat a whole tub of ice cream, and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

     “Aww, now I’m feeling hungry.”

     “Didn’t you eat breakfast?”

     “Mhm, eggs and toast. I've tried to catch up to you at school several times, speedy."

     "W-Wait, we go to the same school again?!"

     "Yep, let's walk there together !"

     Sayori doesn’t seem to have changed much after all these years. I kind of feel bad, maybe even guilty for not seeing her in so long. I think about these things as me and Sayori walk to school together, just like we used to.

“Hey MC, can I ask you a question?”

     Uh oh…

     “Of course, what’s up?”

     “Have you considered joining any clubs this year?”

     I don’t know why, but I expected her to ask something super serious.

     “Well, not really, I’ve been told to stay away from large group activities.”

     “Oh…”

     She suddenly puts on a sad expression that says, ‘I’m disappointed’. 

Without thinking, I tell her:

     “B-but I’m sure there are exceptions. What did you have in mind?”

     Her face perks back up at this news. I really shouldn’t be making exceptions, but I kind of feel guilty for just bouncing like I did when we were kids.

     “Well, I’m part of a great club that you could join. I’m actually the vice-president.”

     “That’s impressive! Which club is it?”

     “The Literature club!”

     My face immediately adopts a slightly annoyed look. I let out an unintentional sigh.

“I get that it might not sound exciting but- “

     “But the ‘Literature Club’, Sayori?”

     “Y-yeah, but it really is lots of fun, I promise.”

     I stop to think for a moment. As an avid game player, anime watcher, and manga reader, literature is never something I cared for; unless you count manga as literature. I just don’t see myself enjoying it that much.

     “I don’t know, Sayori…”

     “Well, it’s not like you have many options.”

     She got me there. Technically, there is no reason for me to not go.

“Could you at least have a look at it after school?”

     “Ehhhhhhhh…”

     “Pleeeeeaaaaaaase…”

     Ah what the heck.

     “Ok fine, I’ll check it out.”

     “YAAAAAAY!”

     Sayori bounces in excitement. This club must mean a lot to her.

“I promise you’ll love it. Everyone there is super nice!”

     She tells me the room number as we continue walking to school.

     “So, what are the other members like? How many of them are there?”

     “U-uuhhhhh… I’ll keep that a surprise, heheh.”

     She doesn’t sound very confident in her “surprise”. We continue talking as we quickly approach the school. I’ve forgotten how much time flies when talking to friends… or just ‘friend’ in my case. 

“Hey, do you want to start walking to class together again? It would be so much fun.”

     “Um…”

I probably shouldn’t but, what bad could possibly happen? It’s just walking to school like I’ve been doing, but I get to catch up with Sayori.

“Y-yeah ok, that sounds good, let’s do that.”

     “Great, it’s so good to see you again, MC!”

     “Yeah, it was great seeing you too, Sayori.”

A few seconds pass with us smiling before I realize we’re just standing outside the school gate.

“Um, yeah, I’ll see you after classes.”

     “Ok, byeeee.”

     It’s so odd how Sayori is almost exactly as I remember. I should really start hanging out with her more. The more I think about it, the more questions I have. Why was I forbidden to play with Sayori after the divorce? Where has dad gone?  Why exactly do I have to go to therapy at all? Why does my mom restrict my life activities? Why can’t I just enjoy life to the fullest? I’ve asked my mom many times with no straight answer. You know what, SCREW IT! I’m going to start living my life! It’ll start with Sayori’s ‘Literature Club’. …….. Eh, still sounds kinda boring.

…

Classes weren’t too bad today. I especially like my History and Biology teachers. After the bell rings, I find Sayori standing out in the hallway. She must’ve been waiting on me.

     MC: “Hey Sayori!”

     Sayori: “Oh, hi MC!”

     “Were you waiting on me?”

     “Of course, what if you didn’t know where you were going?”

     “Sayori, you already gave me the room number.”

     “Wh- I-I know, j-just in case ya know, heh heh.”

Yeah, she totally forgot. Not that I’m surprised. Sayori would always leave at least one thing at my house out of forgetfulness, back then.

“W-well let’s go.”

     “Yep.”

     As we headed off to the third floor, the thought came to my mind: I have almost no social experience whatsoever! Sayori was my only friend growing up. I’m about to meet a bunch of other people, and I have no idea what to say. I mean, that’s a little exaggerative, but the point still stands. After I was forbidden to see Sayori, my mom put a heavy curfew and guest restrictions on me. So, I never really tried to talk to others my age. Welp, time to put those anime and video game dialogue skills to the test. 

I laugh to myself a little, which gets Sayori’s attention.

     “Oh my gosh MC!”

     “W-What!? What’s wrong?”

     “Your face is beet red!”

     I guess my nervousness and anxiety is more obvious than I thought. I was probably thinking about it too hard. Great, last thing I need is for both of us to be worried.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

     She stops to feel my forehead. Her cool and soft hands do relieve some of the stress.

     “N-no, I’m not sick, Sayori.

     “Then why is your face so red?”

     I might as well tell her now; it might save me some grief later. If I’m gonna start living, I need to break this very, very thick shell.

“Are you that nervous?” 

Or Sayori can break it for me.

     “To be honest with you Sayori, yeah I am. Once I get past the initial ‘Hi, I’m MC’ part, I’m a complete wreck in terms of talking.”

     But of course, she wouldn’t know that.

      “Don’t worry, I promise no one will give you a hard time, forthemostpart .”

     I didn’t quite hear that last part, but my gut tells me that it was contradictory. 

I take a deep heavy breath.

“Just pretend like you’re talking to me. I couldn’t tell you were bad at talking.”

     Her advice reminds me that I have breathing exercises given to me by my therapist, doctor Xander. He really is a great therapist and an even greater guy. Good thing I stuck with the sessions for moments like this.

     “Thanks, Sayori, I’ll do that.”

     Not sure if these exercises will save me, but I’m feeling a little more confident now. We start back up the stairs to the third floor. I just noticed how easy it is to talk to Sayori. I mean, yeah, we were friends for years, that certainly helps, but I haven’t seen her in forever. You’d think I would be a stuttering mess in front of her too, but no. That bubbly personality makes her so easy to talk to. I hope that the other members are this easy to engage, but I imagine they’ll be super talkative book worms. We arrive at the Literature Club entrance in a relatively quiet part of the school. 

I ask Sayori to wait while I do a few deep breaths while counting to ten. It may sound silly, but it helps.

“Here we go.”

     “Don’t worry MC, you’ll do fine.”

     Sayori enters first with me following close behind. 

  I walk through the door behind Sayori. My anxiety was telling me to expect a room full of people whose eyes immediately dart toward the entrance, but I think this is even more surprising. I walk in to see only three other people. I recognize Monika. She’s the only girl that the guys in this school ever talk about, and she deserves it. Monika’s the best at what she does, and that’s a lot. She was one of the heads of the debate team last year, from what I hear, and she is captain of the girl’s tennis team. Perfect grades, beautiful, and is typically nice to everyone. But there are two others that I don’t recognize. A taller girl with long purple hair and purple eyes is sitting close to the wall, completely entranced in a book. There is also a short pink haired girl mumbling to herself as she rummages through the closet in the back of the room. 

Is this seriously all the members? Are we early or somethi- Oh wait, I think I know what Sayori’s “surprise” is now. I guess she thought I wouldn’t join if I knew about the low number of people, but I’m much happier with this arrangement than I would be with a room full of people.

     Monika: “Hey, Sayori!”

     Sayori: “Hi, Monika!”

     Sayori turns back and motions me to follow her. We walk over to Monika who is currently emptying her backpack.

“Good news, I asked a friend to join the club!”

     Sayori gestures Monika to me. Just talk to the most popular girl in school, yeah, no pressure or anything.

     MC: “H-hello M-Monika, I’m, uh, MC.”

     Monika looks a little spaced out before giggling to herself a little as she responds:

     “Oh yeah, you’re new here at school aren’t you?”

     “Y-yeah”

     “Well, as president, I welcome you to the Literature Club, MC.”

     I want to correct her and say that I’m only visiting, but I decide to just go with it since I can’t get the courage to say it at the moment. I’m just trying to not look like a doofus.

     “Weren’t you part of the debate club last year?”

     “Yeah, but I can’t stand the politics of big clubs. I’d rather use something that people enjoy to bring them together. That’s why I started this club instead.”

     Unknown: “Who’s this?”

     "HWAH!"

The other two girls have come over to see what's going on. The short one with pink hair scared me.

“Natsuki, Yuri, this is our newest member, MC.”

     Natsuki: “Seriously, you brought a boy? Way to kill the atmosphere.”

     “I… uh, s-sorry, I- “

     “Oh great, we got another Yuri on our hands.”

Me and "Yuri" both look down out of embarrassment, faces blushing slightly. Is she only like this to new people? 

Monika comes in to save the day.

     “Natsuki, everyone doesn’t have your level of confidence. Please be a little more considerate. We do need more members .”

That last part was whispered, but I still heard it.

     “Ok ok, jeez, I was just messing around.”

     MC: “Th- that’s ok, it just, caught me off guard.”

Yuri decides to speak up.

     Yuri “W-Would everyone like some tea?”

     Sayori: “Oo, yes!”

     Monika: “I could certainly go for a cup.”

     Natsuki: “Oh yeah, I have a surprise for everyone. I’ll get it ready while Yuri makes her tea. I was going to wait till later, but since we have a new member, now is a pretty good time. Everybody look that way.”

Natsuki orders everyone to face the back of the room while she gets her surprise. I think I’d better speak up about the misinformation.

     MC: “A-actually, I, uh, w-wasn’t p-planning on- “

Sayori suddenly throws her right arm around my neck as she excitedly says:

     Sayori: “Thank you so much Natsuki!”

Natsuki: “Why are you thanking me? You don’t even know what it is yet."

     “I-I know; I just really like surprises. Yuri, do you need any help?”

     “O-Oh, well, I’d appreciate it if you would go out into the hall and fill this pitcher with water.”

Sayori takes the pitcher and leaves the room. This leaves just me and Monika. I end up staring into space, trying to think of what to say or ask. This club is not at all what I was expecting. I guess the first step to start living involves joining a club of exclusively cute girls. 

As I stand there, thinking and staring, Monika snaps me out of it.

     Monika: “Earth to MC!”

     “Wha- uh, oh, s-sorry Monika.”

     “You’re quite shy, aren’t you?”

     “W-well, I'm just, not, confident.”

     “Oh, so the sweat, the red face, the looking down, and the hand fidgeting isn't shyness?"

I look down almost to confirm what she’s saying. After a brief moment, I admit:

     “I concede defeat.”

That managed to get a soft laugh out of her.

     “So, what makes you interested in the Literature Club, MC?”

I hoped no one would ask, but I guess it’s inevitable. I don’t want to say that Sayori practically dragged me here. Just word it differently, I guess.

     “W-well, Sayori told me about it, and I told her I would check it out.”

     “Wait, so you never actually agreed to join?"

     “N-no.”

Crap, my face is probably super red on top of having to deliver disappointing news.

     “Hey, it’s alright. I’m sorry for assuming.”

     “No, that’s fine. I-It’s not your fault.”

     “Don’t worry, MC. The club is more exciting than you think.”

     “That’s exactly what Sayori was telling me.”

     “That’s why she’s the vice-president. I’ll let you talk to the other members, and if you don’t want to stay, I’ll respect your decision.”

How can I say 'no'? At this point, the club would have to be pretty bad for me to not stay, but I’ll keep that thought to myself.

“Oh, and one more thing, don’t let Natsuki get under your skin. She doesn’t mean to come off as harsh, most of the time anyway.”

     “O-oh it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

     Yuri: “The tea is ready.”

     Sayori motions me over to help her move some desks to form a type of table. Once we finish, Natsuki proudly announces:

     Natsuki: “Alright, you can all look now.”

     We all simultaneously turn to see a tray lined up with eight cupcakes, all with cat faces for icing.

     Sayori: “WOW, did you make these, Natsuki? They're soooo cute!”

     “Yep, I was going to give them out today anyway, but having a new member here is just a bonus. Not that you’re welcome here yet.”

     She gives me a type of suspicious scowl. 

What did I do? 

Monika just rolls her eyes as Natsuki places a cupcake on five plates, handing them to us one by one.

“These are a kind of ‘thanks’ for letting me in the club.”

     Monika: “Well, thank you , Natsuki. We’re happy to have you here.”

     "Yeah, now you are."

Natsuki grins and everyone thanks her, taking the first bite of their cupcakes.

     …

     Everyone, myself included, goes wide-eyed and looks at Natsuki.

“W-Why is everyone staring?”

     MC: “I- … Th-.”

     Natsuki closes her eyes and grits.

     “Look, if they’re that bad, just say it.”

     MC: “Natsuki, these are awesome! ”

     “What?”

Natsuki looks baffled by the sudden turn.

     “These are the best cupcakes I’ve ever had!”

     Sayori: “Yeah, these are amazing, Natsuki!”

     “And I know Sayori has had quite a few cupcakes.”

     “Hey, don’t call me fat, meanie.”

     “Wh- th-that’s not what I meant!”

     Yuri: “I agree with Sayori. I don’t think I’ve ever had a cupcake quite this good.”

     Monika: “These are delicious!”

     Natsuki: “O-of course they are, I made them!”

     I’m sensing some insecurity in her voice. I would know. Despite that, she sounds very confident.

“And it’s not every day I get to bake, so feel lucky.”

     After we finish, Yuri gets out the cups of tea on a tray. The cups are quite pretty, and the tea smells good, even though I’ve never had tea before. We sit down as Yuri hands out the cups.

     MC: “Uh, are you guys allowed to have a tea set in here?”

     Yuri: “Oh yes, the teachers gave us permission. Besides, doesn’t a nice cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?”

     Well, considering I’ve never had tea, and I don't read much, I don’t know.

     “W-well actually I, heh, never tried tea.”

     Yuri’s eyes widened at this news. It’s like she’s seen a ghost. The whole ‘never trying tea’ has nothing to do with my life restrictions, for once; I just never cared to try it before. I’ll make myself like it for the occasion, though. Yuri immediately adopts a slight panicked look.

     “I-I’m sorry for assuming. Y-you don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.”

     Yuri starts looking down and twirling a strand of her hair. Well crap, now I feel bad, but if I tell her that I don’t mind, she’ll think I’m just trying to be nice. What else would I say? I hate overthinking.

     MC: “I-It’s ok, Yuri. I actually want to try it. You never know if you don’t try, right?”

A sort of relieved smile creeps onto her face, slowly, but it’s there.

     “I-I don’t want you to feel like you have to try it.”

     "No trust me, it's fine, I'll try it."

         Yuri hesitantly hands me a cup. I'm not sure what's happened to my anxieties and insecurities, but they seem to have vanished once I tried reassuring Yuri. Even now, I'm more focused on making her feel better than my dumb nervousness. Once everyone has gotten a cup, we all drink the green tea. Well, Sayori basically chugs it.

     Yuri: "Careful Sayori, it's still hot!"

         Sayori lets out a yell, the kind of yell that says "my throats on fire". She runs to the pitcher of water that she filled a moment ago and starts to drink the remains- well, chug it. I let out a slight chuckle. Sayori was always careless, sometimes too much. She would always get herself hurt, or she would be warned by my parents not to do stuff, like eating jelly-like toys. A few heavy breaths and gulps later:

     Natsuki: “She did warn you, dummy.”

      Sayori: “I didn’t think it was going to be so hot though!”

         I can’t help but chuckle at the aftermath. I notice Monika out of the corner of my eye laughing a little bit too. Natsuki was laughing from the start, and even Yuri was suppressing a chuckle. She’s trying to hide it, but I can tell. However, while this was kind of funny, I am worried that she might have burnt something, seeing that her face is bright red!

     MC: “Are you ok, Sayori?”

     “Yeah, heavy breath just give me a minute.”

     “Are your taste buds still working?”

     “Yeah, I can still taste the honey.”

That’s all I needed to hear before letting out a soft sigh of relief.

     Monika: “You should really be more careful, Sayori.”

     Yuri: “That was fresh from the pot.”

     Sayori: “I know, sorry for making you all worry. I’m fine though.”

As everybody eases back into their seats, I finally take a controlled sip of my tea.

…

Wow, ok, I guess I like tea now.

     MC: “I really like this tea, Yuri.”

     Yuri: “I-I’m glad…”

     Monika: “Thank you, Yuri."

     MC: " Ahem , so, what exactly do you guys do in this club?"

     Monika: "Well, as long as the club’s been here, we've just been discussing books and what it is we like about them."

So, it's more like a book club than a literature club.

     "Um, have you guys done any w-writing?

     "Heh, actually, it's funny that you mention that. Sayori proposed the idea that we all write poetry. I was going to bring it up with you all, and what better time than when we get a new member."

Poetry, huh? I mean, yeah memorizing them in Japanese and English classes is annoying, but I've never thought about writing them.

     Natsuki: "Poetry is just for a bunch of smart-alecks who think that they're Shakespeare or something."

     "Oh really, because…"

Monika starts rustling through her backpack and pulls out a crumpled-up sheet of paper.

"I just happen to have a poem here called-"

         "H-hey! Give me that!"

         Natsuki angrily grabs the poem out of Monika's hands.

         "Sorry, Natsuki, it fell out of your pocket on your way out last Friday. I was going to give it back. I wouldn't show anyone without asking you."

         "I don't care that you read it by accident, but don't just take it!"

         "I'm sorry, I won't do it again, heh heh." 

         Monika's giggle didn't sound reassuring. Once again, my lack of speaking skills is replaced with encouragement.

         MC: "You write poetry?"

         Natsuki: "W-well, sometimes. Why do you care?"

         "I dunno, I just thought that was kinda cool."

         "Really?"

         "Yeah, what do you typically write about?"

         Not that poetry has ever been my strong suit, but talking about it for fun sounds far better than talking about it because a teacher told you to.

         "J-just whatever comes to my mind, I guess."

         Monika: "We'll have fun talking about the poems we write, that is, if you all are up for it."

         Sayori: "I think it sounds fun. Whatdya say, Yuri?"

         Yuri: "U-um, well…"

         Yuri takes a moment to collect her thoughts.

"I-I think that would be a great idea. Sharing your work with others can be an exciting experience, and it can be a great way to learn. But, these are new poems, right Monika?”

         “Oh, of course, I’m sure you and Natsuki aren’t up for sharing poems that you wrote by yourself.”

         “N-no, I’d rather not.”

         “Alright, how about you Natsuki?”

         “Y-yeah, there’s no way I’m sharing the poems that I wrote myself, but writing new ones sounds ok, I guess.”

         “It’s settled then. Everyone brings a new poem tomorrow to share and discuss. We have one more thing to talk about though.”

         Monika looks straight at me, followed by everyone else. This triggers the nervousness back up. Up to this point, I was just concentrating on learning more about the club. It’s like my brain just said ‘Oh yeah, you’re a stuttering mess, remember?’

“You’ve pretty much seen everything we have; we are a brand new club after all. So, what do you say, MC? Would you like to join?”

         Natsuki: “Sayori, I thought you said you were bringing a new member.”

         Yuri: “Well, technically she never said he was joining.”

         Sayori: “Y-yeah, exactly, I never said that.”

         Monika: “It’s ok Natsuki, I misunderstood too, but we can’t force him here, you know.”

         “I-I know that.”

         Natsuki seems annoyed at the miscommunication in the group. I know for a fact that Sayori worded it weirdly on purpose though. She can be sneaky like that. Despite this, I think I've decided.

         "W-well, I…"

         I find myself unable to even form a sentence.

Close your eyes

   Deep breath

Just say what you want to say.

"S-sorry… anyway, I may not be a big reader, but I do enjoy great stories. And discussing poetry sounds better when it's outside of class, so I'm in."

         I give a confident wave of my arms at that announcement.

     Sayori: "YAAAAY!"

Sayori, who is sitting to my right, throws her left arm around my neck and waves her right arm in happiness. That's Sayori for you, so easily excited, but I can't deny that I caught myself with a wide grin as Sayori celebrated like a child at a birthday party.

"I'm so glad you joined!"

    "Ok ok, Sayori, a bit of a premature celebration, don't you think?"

Sayori finally lets go.

     "Eheheh, sorry, I just got excited."

     Natsuki: "That's an understatement."

Yuri giggles to herself behind her hand. These girls really needed more members, didn't they?

     Monika: "Welcome to the Literature Club, MC, again."

     MC: "Th-thanks for being so welcoming, and thanks Sayori, for convincing me to check it out."

Even though she was being kinda sneaky about it a minute ago, I'm still glad she did it.

     Natsuki: "Just don't try to trick us next time, Sayori."

     Sayori: "Sorry, heh heh."

     Yuri: "What genre of book interests you, MC?"

Aw crap.

     MC: "U-uh m-m-manga…"

I looked down expecting some kind of judgement. I don't know why I expected judgement; these girls have been nothing but kind since I walked in the door. Even Natsuki has a soft half, I can tell. What I got instead was a panicked Yuri.

     Yuri: "I-I-I'm sorry for putting you on the spot."

Now she's looking down out of embarrassment.

     Monika: "Besides, you're not the only manga reader in the room."

Monika nudges Natsuki with her elbow. Her reaction is priceless.

     Natsuki: "M-manga is literature!"

Everyone but me laughs. I could feel the insecurity in Natsuki's voice. She definitely doesn't have my problem, but her declaration kinda reminded me of my lack of friends. I guess I never imagined having anybody to share a hobby with. Sayori and I used to do all kinds of things together; for some reason, I thought that all that stopping so quickly was normal. I was never told otherwise.

…

     Sayori: "MC, are you there?"

I shake my head a bit to find that I've been staring out in lost thought.

     MC: "Oh, yeah, s-sorry."

     Monika: "Ok everyone, I think we can call it a day there. I can't wait to see your poems tomorrow. We hope to see you back here tomorrow too, MC."

     MC: "D-don't worry, I'll be back. Sayori would be on me for the rest of my life if I didn't show up."

     Sayori: "Yes, I would."

She gives me a look that almost makes me scared of her, but she quickly puts on her smile and waves everybody goodbye.

"Hey MC, ready to walk home?"

         It was at this moment that I felt like something was coming back, a piece of my life that was lost years ago. It felt like happiness, but more of it. That can't be right, I was already happy, wasn't I? It’s probably just the effect of being around Sayori today.

         As Sayori and I walk home, I can’t help but feel limitless excitement. I finally have something else to do besides anime and video games. I mean, I still like them, but when those are your only hobbies for six years with no one to share them with, you start to feel kind of bored with those things, to say the least.

         “You look happy.”

         Sayori is looking at me with a big smile on her face. I didn’t realize I was wearing a similar smile for a few minutes now. I just can’t contain my excitement. I had to contain it in the club room, so I wouldn’t look like a weirdo.

         “Heh, y-yeah, I’m pretty happy.”

         I’m so happy I can’t even talk straight.

         “So, MC, what have you been up to, at home I mean?”

         “Uh, well, pretty much just games and anime. I haven’t been doing much over the last couple of years.”

         “How come? I don’t even hear your name in school. Heh, you’re like a ghost.”

         Being a ghost sounds pretty cool actually.

         "Well, you know about the divorce already."

         "Mhm…"

         "I wasn't even home a lot after I turned twelve."

         "Why not?"

         Should I tell her? Am I even allowed to tell her? Will it make me sound weird? No, not yet. I'm sure I can tell all at some point, but that won't be today.

         "Well, mom wasn't home, so I had to live somewhere. Can't let a twelve year old run a house, aha."

         Sayori seems more confused than before she asked. However, she doesn't have time to ask more as we steadily approach our homes.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sayori."

         "Uh, yeah, bye."

         Yeah, she was definitely about to ask for more intel before I cut her off. How can I tell her? How can I tell any of the members that I used to basically live in different centers, with doctors acting as my parents? I can't, right? That just sounds crazy. If I said that, they would think I'm psycho or something, right? First impressions are too important for me to be saying anything like that. 

I walk into my home, and my mood immediately shifts to the one I had before meeting back up with Sayori outside this morning. This house is empty, and lonely. I wish I were back in the Literature Club room; things were more exciting and interesting. But enough depressing thoughts, I have a poem to crack down on. Don't want to disappoint anybody.

Chapter Text

Finally, it's club time! I've been waiting all day to be back here. As a result, the school day was painfully slow; my chemistry teacher had to ask if I was ok, because of how excited I was. She gave me a weird look that I've never seen before; I must have been pretty worked up. Why am I so excited? Well, not only is it a new hobby, but it's one that I can share with people. That's something I'm not used to. Yeah, me and Sayori used to play some video games, but we usually played outside or things like 'The Floor is Lava'. I'm aware that online gaming exists, but I'm strictly forbidden from it- doctors orders! It's not like I know any gamers anyway. This club feels like something of a fresh start. I have new activities, I can re-spark my friendship with Sayori, and I get to make new friends on top of that. It feels like I'm finally living.

I walk into the club room and see pretty much the same thing as yesterday. Yuri is sitting near the wall, reading her book. Monika is typing something on her laptop at the teacher's desk. Natsuki is looking around in the closet, and Sayori isn't here yet. I suppose I should greet Monika first, a nice reassurance that I actually showed up.

     MC: "H-hey Monika!"

Monika looks up from her laptop, almost with a shocked look on her face.

     Monika: "Oh, hi MC! You came back."

     "Did you think I wouldn't?"

     "Honestly, no, I wasn't expecting you to come back. Sorry for doubting you."

She says all of this with a grin of happiness I don’t think I've seen on anyone except Sayori, it’s refreshing.

     "I-it's ok; let it be known I'm a man of my word."

     "I'll assume that you got a poem then?"

     "Y-yeah actually."

I pull a piece of paper from my bag and lift it up, showing Monika.

     "Wow, so you did. I'm really happy to see you putting the effort in."

As expected, my excitement to be back is slowly but surely being replaced by my nervous stuttering.

     "W-well, I-I wouldn't want to disappoint you all."

     "What happened MC? One second you were fine and the next second you're stuttering and red-faced again."

Is she a mind reader or is she just that good? Just as I start to answer, Sayori comes through the door. She runs in so quickly that she trips on her own foot and falls to the floor. I rush in to help and make sure she's ok.

     "Sayori, are you alright?"

I offer my hand to help her up to her feet. After giving me a kind of weak smile, she takes my hand and gets back up.

     "Don't worry about me MC, I'm alright."

Her voice is a little lower than when we walked to school this morning. Bad day, I guess. After helping her get her stuff off the floor, Monika asks me:

     "I don't suppose you have any books to read before we look at the poems."

Ah, I knew I was forgetting something this morning. Even bringing in a manga would have been better than nothing.

     “A-ah, y-yeah, I kinda forgot that part.”

     “Oh well, two out of three isn’t bad, unless it’s a test.”

Yeah, she’s not wrong, but I still feel bad for forgetting anything at all.

     Yuri: “I guess now is a good time then.”

 I jumped out of surprise as I never noticed Yuri leaving her desk.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!”

     “Th-that’s ok, I just scare easily. It’s not exactly your fault.”

 Natsuki has been sitting down, reading manga as me and Monika were talking. She speaks up at this revelation.

     Natsuki: “Oh do you now? Heh heh heeeeh.”

Natsuki gives out a sort of cartoon villain laugh as she learns my weakness.

     Sayori: “Oh yeah, scaring MC was always super easy.”

     MC: “S-Sayori, don’t help them.”

     “Sorry, but it’s true.”

     “Aaagh”

As I look down in defeat, Yuri continues what she was saying.

     Yuri: “A-anyway, I have something for you.”

She pulls a book out of her bag. The front cover has two shadow-like figures on it. It appears to be a horror novel. I’m not so sure about this one. I was told to stay away from horror media, but can books really scare you all that bad? I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, who knows, maybe it’s a comedy.

“I understand you’re not a big reader, correct?”

     “Y-yeah, I’m not.”

     “I didn’t want you to feel left out, so I got this for you.”

     “Thank you so much, Yuri.”

I take the book and turn it around to skim through the back.

…    

Yep, just as I feared, it’s a horror book, no pun intended. I can’t say “no” to Yuri though; she bought it for me, I think. This could be hers, and she’s simply lending it to me. No, she said that she got this for me. You don’t say that if you’re expecting it back, right? I hate overthinking.

     “This was very thoughtful of you, Yuri.”

     “And maybe we could… d-discuss it, if you want.”

The fact that she’s accidently being so adorable is, well, adorable. I notice her tugging on her sleeve and twirling a strand of her hair. I guess that’s what she does when she’s nervous. Once again, my brain switches to “help mode” instead of “stuttering mode”.

     “That sounds like fun, I’d love to. Thank you again.”

     “Y-you’re welcome, I know getting into a new hobby can be intimidating, especially in a club dedicated to that hobby. I just didn’t want you to be overwhelmed. N-not to imply that you were overwhelmed. S-sorry, I-I don’t want to assume."

     "Yuri, trust me, you're fine. You have nothing to apologize for. This is a thoughtful gift, and I'm grateful that you went through the effort to make me feel included."

I guess I'll go ahead and read it. I mean, if no one will tell me why I shouldn't then it must not be important, right?

     Monika: "Is this the same MC that was just stuttering a minute ago?"

     "Y-yeah."

     "Why do you get nervous at all? It's obvious that you can talk well when you want to."

     "I-I don't even know."

Aaaaaand we're back, with the red face and the looking down, great.

     "Let's see if sharing poems will fix that."

Monika looks toward the open room and says:

"Okay everyone, I hope we all remembered our poems."

     Sayori: "Yep."

Sayori pulls out a crumpled up piece of paper to confirm herself.

     Natsuki: "Yeah, I got it."

Natsuki does the same.

Yuri and Monika silently get out composition notebooks. I feel like I know who the poets in the room are. My poem is going to be put to shame by these girls.

I guess I'll show Sayori first.

     "Hey Sayori."

     "Hi MC!"

     "You got a poem for me?"

     "Yeah, but it's not very good."

     "Don't say that, Sayori; I'm sure it's fine. It'll definitely stomp out mine."

     "Oh no, I'm pretty sure yours is better."

     "Ok, a truce then, if you stop doubting then I'll stop doubting, deal?"

     "Heh heh, deal."

She hands me her poem.

Dear Sunshine

The way you glow through my blinds in the morning

It makes me feel like you missed me.

Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.

Making me rub the sleepy from my eyes.

Are you asking me to come out and play?

Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?

I look above. The sky is blue.

It's a secret, but I trust you too.

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

But I'm not mad.

I want breakfast.

…

Wow, I'm probably just easily impressed, but I think Sayori definitely won.

     "Wow, Sayori, that's great! I really like it."

     "You do?"

     "Yeah, especially that last line. It put a smile on my face, just like you do."

Sayori blushes at my comment.

“U-uh, sorry, w- you know what I mean.”

     "I'm really glad you like it, MC."

I skim through it a second time.

     "Wait a second… Sayori?"

I just realized something.

     "Hm?"

     "Did you write this poem this morning?"

     "H-huh, w-what makes you think that?"

A smile starts slowly creeping up my face.

     "Ignoring your shaky voice, where else would you get inspiration for a poem talking about waking up and sleepiness and breakfast?"

     "I-I forgot to write it last night."

She says with a lowering voice.

Just as I suspected.

     "Aha, the vice-president is slacking off."

     "N-no I wasn't; I just forgot this time, that's all."

     "Suuuuure."

I say these things in a playful manner, of course.

     "You and Monika can be really mean."

I guess Monika is usually the one calling Sayori out nowadays. Sayori follows up this statement with a pout.

     "I'm just playing, Sayori. Want to read my poem now?"

     "Oh, yes!"

I hand Sayori my poem and await the scolding. I know Sayori wouldn't do that, but my brain is telling me otherwise. After a moment, she finishes reading.

"I really really like it, MC! Are you sure you don't write poetry?"

     "I think I would know if I did."

     "Keep this up and you'll be one of the big poets. What was your inspiration for it?"

     "Honestly, it was all the excitement from yesterday. Seeing you again, joining this club, and meeting everybody is what inspired this poem."

Sayori looks down and skims through it again.

     "Wow, I had no idea it meant that much to you, MC."

     "Honestly, neither did I, not until I got home and realized how quiet it was."

     "Where was your mom?"

     "She's on a business trip right now; she can be gone for months at a time. But I almost immediately wanted to be back here in the club room."

     "I was worried you might not come back since you were kinda embarrassed yesterday."

     "Nah, if anything, I'm afraid of talking too much and regretting it later. I'm sure I'll get over it in time."

     "I should probably get to everyone else's poems now. Are we gonna walk home again?"

     "Of course, as long as you want to."

With that promise, Sayori is quickly replaced with Natsuki giving me a skeptical look, poem in hand.

     Natsuki: "Did you even write a poem?"

She says this with a demeaning tone of voice that kinda throws me off.

     "Y-yeah I did."

I hand her the poem as proof. Although it's not too long, she seems to be taking a while to read it.

…

She has to have read it multiple times by now. I hear her mumble something under her breath as I finally break the silence.

     "Ahem"

Natsuki snaps out of it.

      "Oh, sorry. Well let's start with what I don't like about it. First off…"

She sits there silent as she reads through the poem one last time. Why is she having so much trouble? She of all people should be able to give negative criticism, but my question is soon answered.

"N-never mind, I don't feel like giving you my opinion."

My confused look is quickly replaced with a kind yet tad sly smile. I may have been born at night but not last night. It took her a minute because she was trying to hunt down stuff to complain about.

     "You already have. Thank you, Natsuki. I'm glad you liked it."

Natsuki is shocked at my reaction as she is now blushing, wide-eyed, but no less annoyed.

     "Wh-whatever, here."

She shoves her poem toward me and crosses her arms. I guess that's not the kind of reaction she's used to. She does look kinda cute when she's being called out, though. Natsuki: all bark and no bite, but I'm not testing that theory any further:

Eagles Can Fly

Monkeys can climb

Crickets can leap

Horses can race

Owls can seek

Cheetahs can run

Eagles can fly

People can try

But that's about it.

"I know, you hate it."

     "What? I don't hate it. Why would I hate it? I like it."

She has the same shocked face that she had just moments ago.

     "Huh?"

Natsuki puts a little more annoyance into her look as she says:

"You'd better not be lying."

     "I'm not lying. I really do like it. It's very good at that sort of purposeful drop off. It's simple yet meaningful at the same time."

My nervousness seems to have just vanished. I guess once I get rolling, there are no problems. Monika was right; I can talk! I just have to make that change of mindset.

     "Exactly! Finally, someone who gets it! A point is a point, even with an easier vocabulary."

     "This was probably the best example too."

     "I'm glad someone appreciates good art when they see it."

     "Baking, poetry, any other talents you're hiding?"

     "Yeah, I can beat up anyone who hates on Parfait Girls . You read manga, right?"

     "Y-yeah, but I've never heard of Parfait Girls ."

Which means it's either for a specific demographic, or just terrible.

     "What!?"

Natsuki grabs a book off the desk she was sitting in and shoves the book into my chest.

"Read that! And if you bend it or something, I'll kill you."

I have to read the book Yuri gave me and now a new manga? If I wasn't already so ahead of my schoolwork, this would be too much. A small price to pay, I guess. I haven't gotten my hands on a new manga in a while anyway.

     "Have you read the whole series already?"

     "More times than I can count. It's one of the best in the biz. Be sure to read it carefully cause' I'm gonna quiz you on it."

You've got to be kidding me. I came here to get away from the studies, not add on to them. Let's call it a challenge, I guess.

After thanking Natsuki, I take my poem to Yuri. This is where the real scolding begins, probably. 

...

After Yuri reads the poem:

     Yuri: "This is your first time writing poetry, correct?"

     "Is it that bad?"

     "O-oh n-no that's not what I meant. It's honestly a good first attempt. I just noticed a few characteristics that are obvious with newer poets."

     "Ah, I see."

     "I always see new poets try to emphasize their own style right off the bat and make it too deliberate. As a result, their style and message are weakened. In reality, it would probably be best to start with a more traditional style, like sonnets, or haikus."

     "Wow, you really know what you're talking about with this stuff, don't you?"

Yuri's face turns red as she looks away.

     "I-I just have a lot of experience."

     "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about. I appreciate your honesty."

     "I-I'm sorry, I-I don't want to tell you how to write your poems."

     "It's ok Yuri. I really will take your feedback. Maybe I'll switch it up next time."

She gives a weak smile in return.

"May I read yours?"

     "O-of course, here you are. I hope you like it"

She hands me her poem. She seems very excited about it:

Ghost Under the Light

The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow.

Bathing.

It must be this one.

The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.

The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green hue of the future.

I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.

The light flickers.

I flicker back.

"Jeez…"

     “I- I’m sorry if you don’t like it.”

     “No no, that’s not it. I’m just not used to that ‘well written’ stuff.”

     “Ah… I’m not sure I understand.”

     “How do I put it… Basically, your writing is just out of my league, ehe.”

Yuri ponders for a moment, seemingly confused.

     “It’s not too short is it? I usually write longer pieces, but since this is the first day of sharing and all-”

     “It has nothing to do with the length. I’m just too stupid to get what’s going on.”

Yuri’s face lifts up as she finally understands that I’m just a dumb teenager who only reads poetry because I’m told to.

     “O-Oh, alright, I understand now. I suppose it can take a lot of practice to write and understand certain poetry."

I read it over once or twice more...

The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time…

-the sickening blue-green hue of the future.

-living in the past.

     “Is it about some kind of regretful past?”

     “Close, it’s about a past that can’t be let go. But if imagining it as a regretful one allows you to enjoy the poem more, then I can’t say you’re wrong. That's part of the beauty of poetry. It can be interpreted to mean many things that relate to each of us as individuals. There's a quote, I don't quite recall who said it, but it says 'death of the author is the birth of the reader'-"

Man, Yuri really knows her stuff. Just like me, she seems to become much more confident when she talks about something she likes, or when she talks about something she's passionate about. She probably grew up reading instead of playing video games like I did. 

As I'm listening, Yuri stops, as if to catch herself.

"I-I'm sorry, I was rambling. I do that when talking about these types of things. I apologize for being annoying."

She says that last part kind of quickly, as if something bad would happen if I wasn't told. It was hectic.

     "Wait, what? You weren't being annoying. I was listening, wasn't I?"

Yuri thinks for a second.

     "Y-yes, I suppose you were."

     "This is a Literature Club, after all."

     "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to sharing these things with others; much less those people who actually care about it."

     "I mean, people don’t give you trouble over it, right?"

Yuri proceeds to look down and tug on the sleeve of her uniform.

Ok, that's just wrong!

"Are you serious?"

     "It's ok, I'm used to it."

Her expression has changed. She looks sad yet content at the same time. How!?

It was at this point that I remembered something. I was reminded when Yuri tugged on her sleeve. In one of the homes I stayed at, there was a boy, about fifteen, who would always wear long sleeves. He was constantly watched because he had a tendency to scratch his own skin off. Those homes weren’t exactly stress free for the majority of its tenants. It was easy to get in trouble or be outed. The thought of Yuri doing something like that makes me physically shiver. 

This catches Yuri's attention. 

     "Are you quite alright?"

I catch myself looking at her arms as the thought passes through my brain, and leaves just as quickly.

     "Y-yeah I'm fine. Listen Yuri, anyone who bullies you over what you love and enjoy can go jump off a bridge."

Yuri's eyes widened at this statement. A bit harsh, but I could have said something much worse. 

     "I've only known you for a day, but I can already tell that you're a good person. You made me tea and gave me a book, just so I would feel more welcome. The very least I could do is listen, especially when you know what you're talking about."

Yuri pauses to gather her words.

     "Thank You, MC. I'm genuinely glad that you're willing to listen. I'm just not used to it."

     "To prove it, I'll take your advice into consideration for my next poem. And I'll also read the first few chapters of that book."

     "I hope you enjoy it. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it."

Last stop, Monika. As the president, I'm sure she'll find plenty of ways to pick my poem apart, but from what I'm gathering, my poem isn't half bad. It just needs some work.

     Monika: "Let's take a look at what you've conjured up, MC."

     "Honestly, I was expecting far worse criticism than I've gotten so far."

     "Criticism is useless if it's not given in an objective, understanding manner. Being harsh about it can just drive people away, which is what makes that criticism useless. Besides, I'm sure your poem isn't that bad."

     “Thanks, I guess?”

     “Don’t worry, it was a compliment.”

I handed Monika my poem after she lightly giggled.

She takes a moment to digest the words on my wrinkled up paper.

…

     "Hm, not bad, MC, not bad at all."

     "That's a relief. Yuri did tell me that I should try more traditional styles so that I could find my own easier."

     "That's good advice. I would also suggest thinking a little more outside the box."

     "Could you explain?"

     "Well, I understood the message of the poem instantly. Using phrases or metaphors to string the reader along and force them to think can go a long way to make the poem memorable and impactful."

     "I see what you mean. That actually sounds more fun to write too."

     "That's the spirit! Here, take a look at my poem."

Monika hands me her poem:

A Broken Family Tree

I am one of many

Small branches of a broken tree,

Always looking to the ones above

For guidance, 

strength 

and security.

One little branch trying

To keep the others from breaking away.

Who will fall?

And who will stay?

Now I stand alone,

Looking at the earth through the rain,

And I see the broken branches I knew

Scattered about me in pain.

There are those who have taken an ax

To the root of our very foundation

And who have passed this destruction

Down to every new generation.

If I could take that ax,

I would toss it deep into the sea,

Never to return again

To harm the generations that follow me.

I am one of many,

But alone I will go

And plant the new seeds

Where a beautiful tree will grow.

…

Wow!

I go wide-eyed after reading Monika's poem.

"You understand it, right?"

     "O-oh, y-yeah yeah, I understand it; it's just that I really like it."

     "Thanks, MC. I feel kinda hypocritical now, since I didn't use the advice I gave you just a moment ago. I thought I'd save the more complex style, since this is our first day sharing poems and all."

     "I'm in no position to judge. Whatever you like is fine with me. Can I ask what the inspiration for this was?" 

Monika suddenly looks deep in thought. Almost like she's treading on thin ice, in her brain. 

     "I guess certain traditions and habits passed down from previous generations are what create criminals, and start other terrible problems for people. If a tree is damaged in some way, it'll affect the entire tree, but we can't give in to that damage. We still have to try and plant good mindsets into future generations, no matter how bad the previous one was. That's kinda what I was thinking while I was writing this. Sometimes it's hard to fine tune an idea into poetry. That happened to me with this one. It can be even worse when you haven't written a lot of poetry before. It can be best to walk away and come back to that idea later in the day. You might feel more in tune with that feeling that you were going for. Heh heh, there's a quick writing tip for you."

     "And this has been Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!"

     "Haha, that's not a bad idea actually."

     "Well, I'll be honest with you, Monika. This poem and your description of it have really inspired me. I feel like writing another poem right now. You could say you've planted a seed."

The pun causes Monika to laugh a little. It's a very pretty laugh. One that makes me happy just hearing it. Talking with someone about something we both enjoy is something I can, hopefully, get used to. 

     "This is great to hear, MC. It means I'm doing my job well."

     "As far as I can tell, you're a great president. I've only been here a day, and I already love it, which is not what I was expecting when I heard the words 'Literature Club', n-no offense."

     "None taken, I'm so glad about that, but that is a hard roadblock. 'Literature Club' doesn't exactly scream 'exciting experience'."

     "Did you try taking it to the big club promotions last Monday?"

     "We weren't registered as an official club that Monday. We only had three members. You need four to start a club. Funny enough, Natsuki joined only a day after that. It was lucky that we got Natsuki, but it was unlucky that we missed that big opportunity." 

     "The Cultural Festival is next week. Did you have any plans for that?"

As Monika opened her mouth to answer, we hear Natsuki complaining about something, loudly. She is standing in front of Yuri. They must have been sharing poems.

     Natsuki: "That's what I can't stand! The poem could have been heavy, but it's impossible to read! Why make your vocabulary so complicated for no reason?”

      Yuri: "I-I'll have to respectfully disagree. The more heavy use of vocabulary is what makes a poem more thought provoking. Your light use makes the poem's message seem out of place."

     "Yeah, it's supposed to be like that. That's what helps you remember it. Using bigger words doesn't instantly make you smarter. It only makes you look like it."

Yuri's eyes open wide at this comment.

     "I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that you're too narrow-minded to enjoy my poetry."

You can tell Yuri is holding herself back, for her and Natsuki’s sake.

     " I'm narrow-minded? You can't appreciate such a simple message! You're just being stuck up. MC enjoyed my poem."

Oh no.

     "You're lucky he even listened to you, after the way you made fun of him yesterday. You could have chased him off completely. All you wanted to do was shove your uninspired manga in his face. I'll have you know that he enjoyed my poem too, and unlike you, he listened to me and took my advice."

     " Ggh And how do you know he didn't listen to me? You just want to be right!"

     Sayori: "Guys, please, can we just-"

     Yuri and Natsuki: "This doesn't involve you."

Sayori jolts backwards a little bit. This is getting out of hand.

I'm getting exhausted just listening to them argue. I could feel myself sweating after I came up in the argument.

     Yuri: "You have the gall to talk to me about being right? All you do is lash out over your thoughts and opinions. Calling out others' insecurities is not only mean, it's simply despicable, not to mention extremely childish."

     "I'm not calling anything out. I'm just joking around."

     "Your jokes are-"

They continue to argue.

No

I've only been here a day

I'm not letting this slip away 

Not over some petty argument

I feel slight anger building up inside of me.

     "Well, we'll just ask MC. MC, you don't have a problem with my jokes, do you?"

     "MC, I'm sorry for putting you on the spot, but I'm sure that Natsuki is making you uncomfortable. I apologize on her behalf."

     "Hey! I can speak for myself. If he has a problem with my joking, I'll apologize."

Ok, that's enough!

      MC:"Alright, can both of you stop?!"

I say with firmness and a hinge of anger and some other sense of overwhelming emotion..

Both Yuri and Natsuki stop cold, looking directly at me.

I breathe a little before speaking.

"How did critique of poems turn into personal insults so fast?"

     Natsuki: "It's not my fault she-"

     "Natsuki!"

Natsuki's eyes widen as she flinches back a little. She wants to respond but she fights the urge.

"You guys are very different, but that's what makes you awesome as individuals. Yuri, you told me just moments ago about the beauty of poetry, and how it can relate to different people through interpretation. Why can't that be the same for Natsuki's poem?"

Natsuki flashes a victory smile.

"Natsuki, poetry didn't get popular by always being simple and easy to interpret. Yuri's more complicated style is no better or worse than your straightforward one."

Her smile is quickly diminished.

"I don't want to have this club ruined so quickly over an argument about creative differences. Those differences are what's supposed to make the club special, right?"

Both of these girls are looking down with red faces, seemingly ashamed- Yuri more so than Natsuki.

There is a moment of awkward silence. It's the type of silence that everyone wants to yell at. I might have left everyone worse off than if I hadn’t responded. The room feels so heavy after I stopped ranting.

Yuri’s even trembling a little.

     Yuri: "E-e-excuse me."

Yuri rushes out of the room, and Natsuki sits down, putting her chin in her crossed arms.

"I'm an idiot."

"No you're not. You just need a little more practice."

I noticed a boy doing school work with a tutor at a table near mine.

"You said that last week."

…

"I'll be back."

He rushes out of the room.

That memory was of the same boy that scratched himself, when stressed. It was discovered the next day that he rushed out to cut himself. 

My brain immediately assumes the worst for Yuri.

     "H-hey Sayori, can you go make sure Yuri's ok, please?"

She glances at Monika, who nods.

     Sayori: "O-ok."

Sayori leaves to go find Yuri.

Me and Monika look at Natsuki, who is now staring out the window.

     "Natsuki…"

She looks in our direction, appearing apologetic yet annoyed at the same time.

     Natsuki: "I really was just joking with you ya know."

     "I-I know. I just didn't want you two to make it worse. I guess I went out a little too hard didn't I?"

     Monika: "No, MC, you didn't. That would have gotten worse if you hadn't said anything. But you shouldn't have had to in the first place. I should have stopped it myself."

Monika looks very disappointed in herself for letting those two go at it like that. She sighs in a sense of familiarity, almost like she has to stop fights frequently but isn’t successful. I hope Yuri and Natsuki don’t do this often.

     "Maybe I should have just said nothing."

     Natsuki: “Ugh, stop thinking so much about it. We stopped, didn't we?"

     "Y-yeah I-I guess you did."

I turn to see Monika looking at me with a look I can't quite describe.

     Monika: "You seem to care about this club a lot."

My face turns red as I recall what I said to the arguing girls.

     "I ju-just really like it here."

I turn to Natsuki.

     "Sorry for snapping at you, Natsuki. I really do like your poem."

     Natsuki: "Yeah, yeah, stop being so sappy."

It sounds like she's fine… I hope.

     "So, you're not mad at me?"

She turns to look me in the eye, trying to read my expressions.

She keeps an annoyed look on her face as she replies:

     "I… I guess not, I'm still annoyed at Yuri though."

Natsuki doesn't seem to be "mad", but I don't want to see what she's like when she is .

Monika chimes in:

     Monika: "It would be great if you two could find a common ground. I'd hate to see you guys fight again, especially since you both have such wonderful poetry. Plus, you're both just great people in general."

Natsuki just looks out the window in response:

…

Sayori and Yuri have been gone for a while. It's almost time to leave. 

Finally, the two missing club members come back in. Yuri looks like she's mentally been through hell. She's not making eye contact, she's breathing harder, and she's red from embarrassment. Sayori looks more confident, but she's...pale...her eyes are a little more red than when she was last here. Why would Sayori be pale and red eyed? Either she's sick, or she saw something that she found disgusting. I’m sure she wasn’t chopping onions on the way. She wasn’t sick this morning or at the start of the club. 

My thoughts are interrupted by Monika:

"Yuri, are you alright?"

     Yuri: "Y-y-yes, I-I'm fine now, thank you."

Monika goes wide-eyed once she notices Sayori's pale face.

     "Sayori, what's wrong? You're so pale!"

Sayori starts getting some color back after turning a little red. This means she must not be sick. 

     Sayori: "O-oh, I am? I, uh, I must be getting sick, ehe."

She's lying through her teeth. Sayori was never a good liar, still isn't, apparently. I won't call her out on it, though. Monika makes a face that tells me she isn't buying it either.

     "Maybe we should all just go ahead and go home, get some rest."

Everyone unanimously agrees. 

I start walking back with Sayori. Her face is looking much better now. She must have seen something. I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me, since the bathrooms can get pretty filthy, at least the boy’s restroom. I don't know if I should question her or not though. All I know is that we're almost half-way there, and she hasn't said a word. I hope I wasn't right about Yuri. That was supposed to be an educated guess based on coincidence. Seeing Yuri open up her own skin is something that I'm sure would make Sayori pale and probably cry. I don't know how long Sayori has known Yuri, but she can be very emotional. It wouldn't take much to make her cry. Heck, thinking about Yuri hurting herself is close to making me cry, and I've only known her for a day!

     MC:"Hey Sayori?"

Sayori quickly shifts her attention to me.

     Sayori: "Hm?"

I give her a thoughtful, concerned look.

     "Are you ok?"

     "O-oh I'm sorry, did you want to talk? I was just thinking to myself."

     "Well, I-...."

Should I say anything? If Sayori wanted any of us to know about something, she would have told us, right? I won't push it. If she wants to say something, she will. 

     "Ah, about Natsuki and Yuri, do they fight often? It seemed like that was pretty intense, even for everyone else."

Sayori looks pretty upset about it.

     "Oh no, I mean, they've disagreed once or twice, but they really are amazing people."

     "I don't doubt that. Natsuki can be pretty stubborn though."

     "Oh, don't be fooled. She only acts mean sometimes. Natsuki is an angel."

I figured that Sayori didn't have a strong sense of character, but jeez.

     "What makes you say that?"

     "Last week I was hungry, and Natsuki bought me a cookie."

Well I'll admit, I wouldn't expect Natsuki to do something like that, but I still wouldn't call her an "angel".

     "How about Yuri? How long has she been in the club?"

     "Oh Yuri is-..."

She started the sentence happily, but cut herself off. She looks so down all of a sudden. 

     "Sayori…"

She starts turning pale again, eyes wide. I shouldn't have mentioned Yuri.

     "Um~"

...

     "Sayori!"

I grab her right shoulder, looking her in the eyes.

     "I… I'm sorry, MC, I have to make an important phone call."

She rushes off to her house, which is only about a block away.

     "STAY SAFE!"

I felt the urge to yell that as I watched Sayori run. If I somehow wasn't sure of anything a minute ago, I'm positive that something's wrong now. Who do I tell? Who do I get advice from? What to do? Mom? No, if I tell her, she'll figure out that I'm hanging out with people, and I don't think she'd be alright with that. What will I tell her when she comes back, and I'm coming home late? I've been doing extra work at school. Yeah, that'll do. 

Man, I have no one to tell about this. How do I- I don't-. I don't know what to do. WAIT, I can ask Dr. Xander about it. It's more secretive that way. Agh, no I can't tell him either. He's the one who put the restrictions on me in the first place. I'm so upset over this. I can't think straight. 

I unlock my door and walk into my quiet house.

Tomorrow is going to be a weird day. I have to do something to calm the atmosphere tomorrow. I need to try and replicate the feeling I felt at the start of the club meeting today. I don't want to see Sayori sad, Yuri stressed out of her mind, and I definitely don't want to see Natsuki angry. First things first, I don't want Monika to be mad either, so I'd better get a poem started.

…

Chapter Text

Keeping a clear head last night was next to impossible, especially when writing the poem. The first one was hard enough without thinking about how I can lighten the mood at the club. Ultimately, I settled on just buying everyone a cookie from the school vending machines. It's not a very good idea on the surface, but never underestimate the power of sugar, especially when Sayori is involved. Speaking of Sayori, she seemed fine on our daily walk to school. Maybe she drank some outdated milk or something yesterday. 

After the school day officially ends, I make my way toward the club room. Let's hope everyone isn't too sour from yesterday's events. 

I open the door to see almost everything the same as yesterday. The only difference is the atmosphere itself. It's not what I expected it to be. Everyone is…calm? Happy, even. I notice that Sayori has chocolate on her face, and Yuri is taking small bites into a cookie. 

Before I know it, Monika tosses a wrapped up chocolate chip cookie in my direction. I catch it and look up to see Monika grinning.

     Monika: "I didn't know what you liked, so I took the safe pick."

I look to my right and see that Natsuki also has crumbs all over her desk. 

Wait a second, did Monika take my idea!? The odds of that are way too low. That is both scary and impressive.

     MC: "U-uh, thank you, Monika. That was nice of you."

Sayori takes me by surprise.

     Sayori: "What's wrong MC? You look like you've seen a ghost."

     "O-oh, nothing, I just wasn't expecting a cookie when I walked in."

I smile and start eating the cookie rather quickly. 

     Natsuki: "Neither were we. Hey, Yuri, maybe we should fight more often."

Natsuki causes a series of chuckles among the club members.

     Yuri: "I wouldn't take it that far, but I'm appreciative nonetheless. Thank you Monika."

     Monika: "That's alright, I figured that sugar would be a good start after yesterday's events. Who doesn’t get a little boost from sugar?"

Sayori responds with her mouth full of water to wash down the cookie.

     Sayori: "Mhmm~"

     "Doesn't taste as good after trying Natsuki's cupcakes though."

     Natsuki: "And don't any of you forget it."

Sayori swallows the water.

     Sayori: "I do love those cupcakes ."

     MC: "Reminds me of when you would trick me into buying you food."

     "I did noooot."

     "Don't give me that Sayori. You totally did. It's not like I got a lot of allowance either."

     Yuri: "Oh, you two are childhood friends?"

     Sayori: "Yep!"

Sayori responds excitedly. I guess she only remembers the good parts. Anytime I think of our shenanigans, I'm reminded of how it all came to an abrupt halt. Everything I knew was thrown on its head, and Sayori was never told what happened.

     "Yeah, it was all fun."

I say this rather normally, but everyone looks at me all confused. Natsuki looks at Sayori and asks:

     Natsuki: " 'Was' ? What happened?"

     Sayori: "Uuuuummm, I don't really know. What happened, MC?"

Oh great.

     MC: "It was… some important life stuff going on at the time. It was my fault."

     Monika: "At least you have this club to bring you back."

Sayori and I look at each other and smile.

     "Yeah, that's true, and I can't thank you enough for that."

     "I can't help but feel like I've accomplished my goal as president. Bringing people together through a common interest."

     Sayori: "I think you've done an amazing job, Monika."

     Yuri: "As do I, I never thought I'd feel comfortable anywhere in this school."

     Natsuki: "Me neither."

I glance at Sayori, and catch her looking at Yuri with a bit of a neutral expression. I guess Sayori wasn't sick after all. Honestly, at the moment, I kind of forgot about all that, but if Sayori ever gets seriously sick from this whole 'Yuri thing', I'll have to intervene. I won't outright say anything, but just enough to make Sayori better.

I wave my hand in front of her face.

     MC: "Earth to Sayori."

She snaps her head back to me.

     Sayori: "Oh sorry, I guess I was daydreaming."

Again, not a very good liar, but I'll ignore it for now.

     "Alright."

There's a moment of silence.

     Monika: "Well, we've still got a few minutes before we share poems. I'll let you all know before we start."

Everyone goes back to their seats.

I've got a book to return.

I walk over to Natsuki.

     "H-hey, Natsuki, here's your book back."

I hand the copy of Parfait Girls to her.

     Natsuki: "So, what'd you think?"

     "I… I liked it, but it seems to lack an overarching story."

     "Well, duh, this one was an introduction. The story picks up in the second book."

     "I noticed that one of the characters bakes a lot. I don't suppose that's a coincidence?"  

I smirk.

     "D-don't get any ideas. I didn't start baking just because some character in a manga did."

Uh huh, sure. I wouldn’t care if she did anyway.

     "Ok ok, sorry."

     "Alright, quiz time."

     "W-wait, you were serious?"

     "I don't joke around with my favorite manga."

     "I can tell."

     "Alright, first question, who did Hana have a crush on in chapter 8?"

     "Ah, I didn't quite get that far."

Natsuki went from excited to irritated really quickly.

     "What? How far did you get?"

     "Chapter Six. Sorry, I was pretty busy last night."

I hold up my poem and Yuri's book as physical evidence.

     "Alright, that's fine, I guess."

Huh, I'm pleasantly surprised with that tame reaction.

"Now you gotta finish it. C'mon!"

Natsuki drags me to a spot near the back of the room. She sits down in front of one of the windows, hitting the floor. I follow suit and sit down. I'm not quite sure why we're on the floor, but it's not important enough to question her about it. 

I sit down and notice that it's warm where the sun comes in. Not only that, but it will light up the book as well. Not a bad place to read, actually. 

As Natsuki opens the book back up, I look over and notice how beautifully the sun makes her stand out. I'm caught staring at her glowing pink hair and sparkling eyes. 

She looks at me and lightly blushes.

"W-what are you looking at!?"

I snap my sight elsewhere.

     "S-sorry…I’ll get started."

She hands me the book back, and I start reading through the rest of chapter six.

“Haven’t you already read this?”

     “Duh, I told you I did. Don’t be so dense.”

     “S-sorry, I just figured you might get bored.”

     “It’s fine, now pay attention. This is a good part.”

Natsuki must just enjoy sharing her manga with people.

"Haha, I totally forgot about that!"

     "So uh, what do your friends think of this series?"

     "H-huh? Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"

     "Just curious on why you would choose to read with me of all people."

     "They, um, aren't really into manga. They think it's childish."

     "Heh, give them one story they like, and I bet they would change their mind."

     "Exactly! They just don't know. It's all about the stories. Glad someone gets it."

     "Yeah me and manga have a long history."

     "Well it's about to get longer. Pay attention to this page. It's important!"

After a few minutes an interruption echoes in the room:

     Monika: "Okay everyone! Time for poems."

     Natsuki: "Dang it Monika, we were just getting to the good part!"

     "Well, sorry Natsuki, but we have to share at some point."

Natsuki lets out an annoyed grunt.

     MC: "I'm not sure if I'll have time to read anymore tonight. Should I just leave it here or…?"

     "Mmm, yeah, just put it back in the closet over there."

I go to the closet that she's pointing me toward and put the first volume back in a boxed set.

     "Is that whole set yours?"

     "Yep!"

     "Why do you keep it in the club room instead of at your house?"

She tilts her head in a weird way that exposes some makeup. I guess that's what was making her shine under the window.

     "Um, well, my dad's kinda picky, so... I guess it would be less trouble if I just read it here instead of at the house."

     "Huh, strict dad."

     "You don't know the half of it."

"Oh my- what happened dear!?"

I was sleeping and heard someone knocking on the door. I got up to see the house owner with a small girl standing in the pouring rain, with scratches, bruises, and blood on her arms and face.

The girl looks down with tears in her eyes instead of responding. The housekeeper brought her inside and told me to quickly get a towel. 

Turns out her dad had beat her, after too much booze.

"Hey, baka, you awake?"

I'm brought back to earth with Natsuki literally snapping me back to reality.

     "Oh, s-sorry, what did you say?"

     "I said, you might as well show me your poem while you're here. Do you always ignore people around you?"

     "Jeez, sorry."

Nah, there's no way that that's the same scenario as the girl from a few years ago. I don't remember her name, but I remember her short blond hair and bruised skin, which she always covered with makeup. She didn't trust anyone except the housekeeper. You can't blame her. Her dad beat her for God's sake. Knowing that Yuri probably hurts herself is too much knowledge for me by itself. I'm sure Natsuki is fine. I’ve got to stop jumping to conclusions. Am I just going to convince myself that women with makeup are covering a bruise? That would be stupid of me.

"Here you go."

I hand my poem to Natsuki. 

I changed it up quite a bit, seeing as I promised Yuri I would. It's also a bit more metaphorical. Monika showed me how stringing the reader along can be impactful. It was also very fun to write. 

     "Yikes, definitely a downgrade from yesterday's poem."

     "Really? I thought I did a lot better this time."

I say with a disappointed tone.

     "Yuri and Monika will probably like it."

She sounds kinda annoyed at the mention of their names.

     "W-well, they did inspire this poem from yesterday."

     "So you think I don't know what I'm talking about?"

     "Hey, I never said that. I'm just trying out different styles. Experimenting."

After a few seconds:

     "Well, that's ok then, as long as you remember who the best poet in the room is."

She sounds pretty confident. Is she messing around or is she that self-centered? 

"Here-"

She shoves her poem in my direction.

Amy Likes Spiders

You know what I heard about Amy?

Amy likes spiders.

Icky, wriggly, hairy, ugly spiders!

That's why I'm not friends with her.

Amy has a cute singing voice.

I heard her singing my favorite love song.

Every time she sang the chorus, my heart would pound to the rhythm of the words.

But she likes spiders.

That's why I'm not friends with her.

One time, I hurt my leg really bad.

Amy helped me up and took me to the nurse.

I tried not to let her touch me.

She likes spiders, so her hands are probably gross.

That's why I'm not friends with her.

Amy has a lot of friends.

I always see her talking to people.

She probably talks about spiders.

What if her friends start to like spiders too?

That's why I'm not friends with her.

It doesn't matter if she has other hobbies.

It doesn't matter if she keeps it private.

It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.

It's gross.

She's gross.

The world is better off without spider lovers.

And I'm gonna tell everyone.

     "I take it you don't like spiders."

     "Brilliant deduction Sherlock. How about some actual feedback?"

I can't help but laugh in response.

     "In all seriousness though, I think I like yesterdays too."

Natsuki responds about how I expected.

     "What!? No way, this one is way better!"

     "Y-you're right, you're right. This one is objectively better, but I personally like yesterdays better."

     "Huh, why?"

     "I think it's because... of the message. What I got from this poem is to not hyper focus on the negatives of a person, especially if there are so few of them. Yesterdays poem told me that all we can do is try, so I should try as hard as I can. That sort of relates to writing these poems. Since I'm not too good at it, I should just try my hardest, and that's all I can do, I guess."

But I can't lie, this poem makes me think about Yuri. If I focus on her potential harming problem, I'll lose track of the wonderful person she truly is. That could be said with all the club members, especially Natsuki ironically enough. I shouldn't give more attention to the sour attitude that she sometimes displays.

"But I still like this poem too."

She rips the poem from my hand, almost literally. She reads her own poem through again in a moment of silence. 

     "Huh, I guess I see what you mean. Glad somebody can recognize talent."

She shines a confident grin.

I smile and roll my eyes as I take my poem back from the pink-haired girl. 

Since Monika and Yuri are sharing, Sayori takes quick glances at Natsuki and I. I motion her to go on ahead and share with Natsuki.

I take a seat while I wait for someone to finish up with their poems. I finally have a second to think for myself. Today was pretty hectic, so it's an opportunity I should take. 

As I glance around the room, I get a warm feeling in my chest. Sayori, Natsuki, Monika, and Yuri. All wonderful people. I'm usually ignored in school, for who knows what reason, not that I normally care, but today and yesterday were some of the best days I've had in a long while. Even though Natsuki and Yuri had a nasty fight, I'd rather have friends that fight than no friends at all. I hope to get close to these girls; not to mention that they are all very beautiful. I've read so many manga and played so many games that the physical appearance of real people started to turn stale. So it took me a couple of days to realize how attractive all these girls are. It was even harder for Sayori, seeing that I already knew her. I hope that the Literature Club will be a big part of my school year, and I hope that these people will be a part of my life in one way or another.

The more I think about it, the quicker my heart beats. Hopefully they won't think I'm weird considering my… less than normal teen years, but it seems as if I'm not the only one who worries about being weird.

I twist my head to face Yuri. 

How could anyone bully her? I mean, so what if she's a little quieter than the rest of us? Probably because the people who bully her know that she's smarter than they are. She's definitely smarter than me in the literacy department. Grades and head knowledge are up in the air.

The more I think, the farther I get from reality. I get so spaced out that I end up staring at Yuri. Once she and Monika are through talking, she notices my staring. Yuri takes nervous glances from her poem to myself.

Crap!

I get up and approach Yuri with my poem.

     "H-hi Yuri."

     Yuri: "H-hello MC.

     "I-I'm sorry about that, I uh, was super spaced out. I~ didn't want to make you nervous or anything."

     "O-oh, well that's quite alright. I often find myself spacing out. Although I'm usually looking at a book when I lose my train of thought."

She very lightly blushes after that last sentence. I was thinking about Yuri, yeah, but I didn't mean to stare.

     "A-anyway, I changed my poem up a lot since yesterday."

I hand her my poem.

A few moments go by, and Yuri's eyes widen as her focus tightens.

     "Oh my…"

I want to ask her what's up, but I can't read her expression at all.

"Phenomenal!"

     "Eh?"

     "Just yesterday I was telling you habits to help you improve, yet you've caught up so quickly. This poem is a spectacular improvement!"

I'm speechless.

A number of seconds feels like an entire minute.

     "Uh I, thanks, Yuri. Natsuki did say you'd probably like it."

Natsuki's name seems to drop a melancholy look on the purple haired bookworm.

     "M-MC?"

     "Yes?"

     "I-I hope you don't think any less of me, since yesterday. Natsuki and I have never fought quite like that. We most certainly have never gotten that loud."

She looks down, twirls her hair, and tugs on her sleeves. The sleeves covering cuts-

Aaagh, stop thinking about that!

     "I-..."

Deep breath. Don't rush and say anything you might regret.

"I don't think any less of you, Yuri. People will argue sometimes. I know that."

My old home had kids of many ages. Fights could and did break out over petty differences. Arguments like Natsuki and Yuri had weren't rare.

"You are a great person Yuri. Don't worry yourself too much."

     "Sorry."

     "What are you apologizing for?"

Yuri looks dumbfounded for just a moment.

     "O-oh, nothing I suppose. It's just a force of habit."

Wow, that bad?

     "Well I don't care if apologizing makes you feel better, but don't apologize for nothing."

I chuckle and she smiles with uncertainty.

"Mind if I read your poem?"

     "Oh, yes, please do!"

The Raccoon

It happened in the dead of night while I was slicing bread for a guilty snack.

My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window.

That was, I believe, the first time I noticed my strange tendencies as an unordinary human.

I gave the raccoon a piece of bread, my subconscious well aware of the consequences.

Well aware that a raccoon that is fed will always come back for more.

The enticing beauty of my cutting knife was the symptom.

The bread, my hungry curiosity.

The raccoon, an urge.

The moon increments its phase and reflects that much more light off of my cutting knife.

The very same light that glistens in the eyes of my raccoon friend.

I slice the bread, fresh and soft. The raccoon becomes excited.

Or perhaps I'm merely projecting my emotions onto the newly-satisfied animal.

The raccoon has taken to following me.

You could say that we've gotten quite used to each other.

The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy.

Every time I brandish my cutting knife the raccoon shows me its excitement.

A rush of blood. Classic Pavlovian conditioning. I slice the bread.

And I feed myself again.

No no no, it’s just a coincidence! 

…

Yeah right, coincidence my foot! This has to be about her self-harm habits. But… I guess it can all technically be chance. I’d better not rush things. Some careful prodding might do the trick. 

     “Hmm, I think I like it better than yesterday's poem.”

     “Do you? I’m happy to hear that. I did try to make improvements for today's poem.”

     “Probably because I got the message quicker this time.”

A quick laugh comes out to ease the atmosphere.

“It’s about the struggle to break habits, right?”

     “Yes, that’s precisely it!”

     “May I ask what habit this poem is referring to?”

     “O-oh um…”

She takes a moment before speaking.

“W-well um, this one wasn’t exactly based on anything specific. It’s meant to mean a lot of things.”

Despite her best efforts, she doesn’t sound too convincing. She’s resumed her sleeve tugging. That’s starting to become a give away.

     “One more question.”

     “Y-yes?”

     “Has Sayori read this yet?”

Yuri’s eyes widen for just a split second, before she starts twirling on her hair as well as turning red.

     “N-n-no, w-why do you ask?”

Uh oh, I might be pushing it.

     “It-it’s just a message that she could probably relate to, heh heh. Waking up late, eating lots of sugar, that sort of thing.”

Yuri releases a breath that she didn’t know she was holding, albeit, quietly.

     “O-oh, I understand. I guess I’ll go ahead and do that.”

She has a look. Almost as if she wrote this forgetting that Sayori had to read it. As I hand her the poem, I’d like to send off with something a bit more positive.

     “By the way, Yuri…”

She looks back up at me.

     “Hm?”

     “I’m enjoying that book so far, even though I’m only two chapters in, thanks again. I swear I’ll stop thanking you for the same thing. That was the last time, ha ha.”

     “I’m happy you’re enjoying it. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts as you get deeper into the world.” 

With that, she goes to Sayori to share poems, as Monika approaches me.

     Monika: “Hey MC!”

Right as she spoke, I remembered how we had the same idea with the cookies. Without replying, I simply show her the sugary contents of my bag. 

“Wait, what is this?”

     “You took my idea!”

Almost raising my voice but not quite. Just getting loud enough to emphasize the point, but not draw attention. I’m not mad or anything, quite the opposite; I think it’s hilarious.

     “Those are for us?”

     “Yes! That was my idea, and you took it!”

Monika just starts laughing. Man, her laugh is pretty!

     “Ha heh, well, sorry I guess, but I find that funny.”

I hand her the cookie as a response, laughing a little.

     “You can just eat it later if you want.”

But she begins to tear into the wrapping, despite what I had just said.

     “I didn’t buy one for myself, and I’m hungry anyway.”

She proceeds to eat the chocolate chip cookie pretty quickly. 

     “A snack and a good poem to read.”

     “Pretty big assumption for a newbie.”

Monika reads my poem as she takes the final bites of her cookie.

“Wow, you weren't kidding. This is a great improvement MC! Maybe one day you’ll show up with a masterpiece.”

     “'Masterpiece' is subjective, isn’t it?”

     “Mmmhm, we’ll make a poet out of you yet. I really like the use of metaphors in this piece.” 

     “Natsuki didn't seem to think of it as an improvement.”

     “Well, that’s just how she is. Her poems tend to be more on the simple side. Not that there isn’t a place for that, but she has a hard time keeping up with people like Yuri, and vice versa.”

     “It is just poetry after all. No use in getting so worked up over it, I guess.”

Monika puts her finger on her chin as she states:

     “I wouldn’t call it ‘just poetry’. It can be a great way to put emotions onto paper, like when you put a bucket under a leak to get all the excess water out. If it gets to be too much, you need to put that excess somewhere, hence poetry.”

After reading both Yuri and Natsuki’s poem, that starts to make sense. It’s almost as if those two weren’t just judging poetry, but their character, to an extent.

“And that is Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day!”

     “Aye, gonna actually go with it?”

     “It sounded kinda good yesterday, so I figured, why not. Here’s my poem.”

As I reach for Monika’s poem, a hard sounding shake rumbles through the floor. I quickly turn my head to see Sayori ram the door open as she takes off down the hallway. Yuri looks distraught, unable to move. I instinctively run to the door to see where Sayori has gone. Right as I step into the hallway, I hear the girls bathroom door shut. Before I can even start to think of what happened, Yuri rushes past me to catch up with Sayori. Part of me knows what happened, but the other part is just sad. Either Sayori had to cry or throw up, maybe both. 

     Natsuki: “What was that about?”

I let out a heavy sigh.

This can’t continue. I don’t have to tell Yuri anything, but if Sayori has to rush out everyday because of her, then this club isn’t going to stay composed for long. 

…

We wait patiently for the two to return. This gives me time to think. I don’t want to trigger anything, but at the same time, Yuri hurting herself and Sayori being sick because of it isn’t normal or healthy. 

It has to stop! 

Eventually, after what felt like an hour of silence, Yuri walks in with her arms wrapped around Sayori, who is bent over with her hands on her stomach, completely pale faced as well.

I’m the first to ask:

     MC: “Sayori, are you ok!?”

     Yuri: “She’s stressed-”

Yuri is interrupted by Sayori giving a quick elbow jab to her gut.

“Uh, sh-she’s sick and should probably go home and rest.”

     “Here, I’ll make sure she gets there.”

     Sayori: “D-don’t worry about me, MC. I’ll be ok by myself. You can stay till the meeting ends. Urp, nnngg. ”

Yeah right. She's really sick. Her sweet tooth probably isn't helping right now either.

     “What kind of friend would I be if I let you walk home sick to your stomach by yourself?”

I replace Yuri in holding Sayori up.

“We’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

     Natsuki: “Get better, Sayori. Don't you skip out on us”

Yuri stays silent, looking at the ground.

Monika yells out as we exit the classroom:

     Monika: “STAY SAFE!”

I get a weird sense of déjà vu .

…

Chapter Text

Sayori and I almost reached the school gate. I’m not sure if I’m more concerned for her mind or her physical health, but either way, she should go home and sleep. Not that she’ll be able to sleep, but lying down next to a trash can is probably a must. As we’re almost ready to leave the property, a strange voice calls out behind us.

     Unknown: “EXCUSE ME!”

I turn around to see a girl with red hair and glasses jog toward us. She may be a little taller than Natsuki, but not much. 

Unknown: “Excuse me, but are you MC?”

     MC: “W-well yes, but I can’t talk right now. Sayori here is sick and I’m trying to get her ho-"

     Sayori: “No, it’s ok MC. You guys talk. I can wait.”

     “Are you sure, Sayori? I’d rather not be on the property if your stomach decides to pull the trigger.”

     “I’m sure. Don’t worry so much about me, MC.”

She’s been using that phrase lately. Maybe she feels guilty for stopping the club. I’ll worry about it later.

     Unknown: “I promise, it’s just one question. Oh, where are my manners, my name is Amy.”

Amy seems like she’s being energetic via force.

     MC: “Amy, huh? Do you know Natsuki by chance?”

     Amy: “Well, we’re in a lot of the same classes, but I don’t really know her. Why?”

     MC: “Oh, no reason, I’m just pretty sure I’ve heard your name somewhere.”

I hear Sayori giggle softly behind me. I guess she isn’t too sick at the moment.

     “Anyway, I just wanted to ask you something real quick.”

     “What’s that?”

     “Um, well… how do I put this? Are yo- … are the rumors true?”

I look at Sayori completely confused, to which she just shrugs.

     “Well, that depends. What rumors? I don’t even hear my name uttered a lot of the time, not even from teachers.”

     “Well that might just mean something then.”

Amy sounds like some kind of investigative reporter or something, trying to hunt the truth or the lies.

     “Anyways, what rumors, specifically?”

     “Well, I’m not saying I agree with these rumors or anything, but…”

I look at her quizzically and with curiosity.

     “Something about you being a...freak, from some kind of a mental institute.”

     Sayori: “MC IS NOT A FREAK!”

Sayori comes out of nowhere to immediately defend me.

     “Woah, Sayori, calm down! I can speak for myself.”

     “You’re one of the nicest people I know, MC! I can’t just sit here and let her call you a freak.”

     Amy: “I didn’t say he was! It’s just some things that I’ve heard.”

While the terminology may be off or even exaggerated, it’s not wrong.

     “L-listen Amy, what you’ve heard is greatly exaggerated. I lived with different people because of my mom's work conditions, nothing more.”

‘Vague’ doesn’t even begin to describe what just came out of my mouth.

     “I-I’m sorry for putting you on the spot, MC.”

She isn’t even really stuttering. She’s putting on a custom persona or something.

     “Well, that’s ok. Thanks for asking instead of just believing these things.”

     “I’ll leave you two alone now. Get well soon, Sayori. Have a good day guys.”

Amy leaves us, heading toward the parking lot.

     Sayori: “The nerve of that girl!”

     “Sayori, she didn’t do anything wrong.”

     “But-”

     “She just wanted to know if a rumor was true. It’s not like she started it or anything.”

Sayori just gives me a pout. What’s she so worked up about? She is still sick. I should just hurry and get her home.

“Come on, let’s get you home, so you can rest up.”

…

We’ve walked a few blocks, and Sayori hasn’t spoken a word. Her mind is probably going crazy right now. While I hate to technically assume things, as I haven’t seen Yuri do anything, something is severely wrong. But how should I go about it? Now's not the time for info gathering; it’s time for action. What would Dr. Xander do?

     “MC?”

Color has returned to Sayori’s face, good.

     “Mhmm?”

     “I-If you were solely responsible for someone's well-being- I-I mean if you knew that-”

Sayori’s voice starts quavering, becoming unsteady with each attempt to say what she means.

“-and you could~”

Sayori starts silently sobbing. I don’t know how long I can watch her suffer without breaking down myself. 

A few seconds of me sniffling, holding back tears, and Sayori sobbing, I simply try to get Sayori home. I put my left arm around her and say:

      “Come on, we’ll talk at your house, once you can lie down.”

She sniffs in response.

     “Ok…”

We finally get to Sayori’s house after what feels like an eternity. It’s not exactly clean, but it’s not a mess either. We walk past the living room and kitchen to reach the stairs. I walk Sayori up to her bed. Her room is more of a mess, but now isn't the time to scold her about that.

     “You stay here, I’ll get something to help you feel better. Is your stomach still upset?”

     “Y-yes, a little, but you don’t have to do anything for me, MC.”

     “If you had seen yourself when Yuri walked you into the clubroom, you’d be doing this too. Plus, I know you would do the same for me.”

     “But how do you know? We haven’t seen each other in years.”

     “It’s… hard to explain, but I just know. Stay there, I’ll be back.”

How could she not help someone in need? It’s possible that she’s even more innocent than when she was eleven. I mean, how do you get more innocent than childhood? Only if you’re Sayori. 

I head into her kitchen to see if there’s anything that could make Sayori feel better. If I give her something carbonated, it could help clear her stomach out. I open the fridge to see if she has any soda, and sure enough, her fridge is full of junk food- what a surprise. Of course her only soda is full of sugar, but it can only do more good than harm in this case, so I guess it’s good enough.

I walk back up the stairs to bring Sayori her soda. When I walk in, she is changed into casual clothes and sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Yeah, you’ll probably want to sit up for this.”

I hand her the soda, which she quickly accepts.

     “Thanks, MC.”

She takes a few big gulps, before she stops drinking.

We sit there in silence for a few seconds, only for it to be broken by a loud burp. I can’t hold back a quick laugh. 

     “Feel better now?”

     “Hehe, yeah actually, I do.”

Despite the laughter, the mood immediately gets depressing again. 

…

     “Sayori-”   

     “MC-”

I gesture to her to go ahead, but she refuses.

     Sayori: “No, you go. I don’t think I want to.”

Sad doesn’t quite describe her voice. Heavy. Burdened. Depressed.

I take a deep breath before I speak.

     “I know about Yuri.”

She looks up at me in shock.

“Sayori, does she hurt herself?”

Tears start forming in Sayori’s eyes.

     “Yes~”

She sounds close to bursting any second. I should give her a second. It will help me collect my thoughts as well. 

I wait about a minute before saying anything else.

     “Sayori?”

She simply looks at me, red still in her eyes.

     “What happened after Yuri and Natsuki’s argument? When Yuri rushed out?”

DAY 2 OF MC BEING IN THE CLUB- SAYORI’S POV

      "H-hey Sayori, can you go make sure Yuri's ok, please?"

I glance at Monika, who nods.

     "O-ok."

I head out into the hallway. Yuri must have gone to the bathrooms; I hope she’s ok. Why was MC so quick to send me after her? 

He must be worried about her.

 I wonder how he feels about Yuri? 

Agh , none of that matters right now. I’ve just got to make sure she’s ok.

I gently open the door to the girls bathroom. 

I hear a sharp inhale, like when you touch a hot stove- after that, a breath.

Yuri is looking away from the door, so I walk up to her.

“Yuri, you ok?”

     “O-OH! Sayori, I uh, y-yes, I’m fine, thank you.”

She only turns her head. Why’s that?

     “Are you sure?”

     “Y-YES I’M FINE! Sayori please, just head back to the clubroom!”

I see a drop of blood fall from her rolled up sleeves, but I can’t see her arms from here.

     “Are you hurt, Yuri? Let me see.”

I start to turn her around. She warns me to stop.

     “SAYORI NO-”

I turn Yuri to face me, which causes her to drop a bright blue pocket knife, and… show fleshly cut, bloody arms!

…

Wh-what is she-

She’s...cutting herself!?

     WHY!?

     “Yu-Yuri, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

     “SHH, Sayori, please don’t be so loud.”

     “Why would you do this!?”

     “I can explain!”

I grab her arms and look at the torn, yet perfectly sliced skin. If it were a painting, it would look like some form of abstract art. Yuri completely avoids eye contact, glowing more red than she ever has.

     “~Yuri… why?~”

I can’t take it. How could she do this to herself!? Why!?

     “I’m... I’m not very good at taking stress. This helps with it quite a lot.”

I feel like I’m going to pass out.

     “But Yuri, that’s not good for you! You can’t keep losing blood like that!”

     “I-I know, but it feels so good afterwards. You have no idea. The release. ”

     "Hurk- BaAAAGHH!"

I couldn't help it- the smell, the red, the blood . I couldn't stop myself from throwing up in the trash.

     "OH MY GOD! SAYORI I'M SO SORRY!"

What am I supposed to do? I’m not a doctor. I just can’t believe Yuri cuts her own skin. I can’t help crying for my dear friend.

“Sayori, please don’t cry. Don’t worry, I know where to and where to not cut. I won’t slice open a vein or do anything foolish.”

I go from crying to looking at her with a stern expression, with tears still in my eyes.

She goes back to avoiding eye contact. She pulls out strips of cloth from her blazer pocket and starts wrapping them around her arms. She does it so quickly, like she’s done it a million times. This just makes me cry all over again.

     “Yuri, I don’t want to see you hurt yourself~” 

     “Listen, Sayori, you can’t tell anyone about this, especially not MC; I-I would surely die."

I look shocked when she says that.

“N-not literally, I don’t think, but please just forget that you saw anything.”

     “HOW ~AM~ I SUPPOSED TO FORGET THIS!?”

I point my arms at her own. I can barely speak.

     “I-I’m so sorry, Sayori. I-If only you weren’t so nice, you wouldn't have come looking for me, aheh.”

She’s trying to make me feel better, but it isn’t working...at all.

     “N-no, I’m not that nice. MC sent me to make sure you were ok.”

     “H-he did!?”

THAT’S what she’s worried about!?

In an act of anger, I take her blue pocket knife off the floor and throw it in the trash can, as if that will somehow magically solve the problem.

     “A-ah, Sayori, my parents gifted me that knife!”

She digs it out of the trash and starts washing the blood and dirt off in the sink.

I feel anger and sadness flooding me all at once. I don’t even know what to feel, or how I should feel. After a minute of cleaning her knife, Yuri turns to me.

“Hm, you still look a bit pale, but we should be fine to head back. Sayori, please don’t tell them.”

It will only make her life more miserable if I do, so I guess I have to listen.

     “F-fine…”

I rinse my mouth out before we head back to the club room.

     PRESENT DAY

     Sayori: “But today, her poem made my stomach feel bad. Even though the poem said ‘bread’, I could smell the blood coming off her arms. I couldn’t take it, so I went to puke in the bathroom.”

God...even with her merely describing it, I can almost smell it too. This is awful. But… we still can’t tell anyone, not until we know exactly what we’re doing. Even though we probably will never know what we’re doing. 

     MC: “I suspected she was hurting herself, but hearing that for myself is… hard.”

The kids I’ve known during my life all knew they had problems, and it was known to others as well. But why does this feel different?

“It’s my fault, Sayori; I’m sorry.”

     “How is it your fault?”

     “If I hadn’t sent you after her, then you wouldn’t have seen anything, and the club could have just gone on like nothing happened. Ugh, thinking of what you said is starting to make me sick.”

Sayori lightly punches my arm, but enough for me to feel it.

“Ow, what was that for?”

     “It was not your fault! You were just looking after your new friend. I don't want to hear you guilt yourself ever again.”

I guess I didn’t do anything inherently wrong, but I still feel some guilt.

I sit still for a moment, thinking.

     “Ok, Sayori?”

     “Yeah?”

     “I know this is going to be difficult, but I need you to pretend like nothing happened. You never saw Yuri cut herself, and you never told me about it, understand?”

Sayori just sadly groans. I can’t blame her, but I need her to do this, for Yuri’s sake.

“I know someone who can help us with this, but he won’t be, um, available, until Friday,”

     “Who is he?”

     “A professional is what he is. Just trust me. But I need you to keep it cool until then, ok? No offense, but you’re a really bad liar.”

She pouts and replies:

     “I know. I try.”

I gently chuckle.

     “I know, but I’m going to need you to try a little harder, ok?”

Sayori sniffs and then surprisingly hugs me.

     “I don’t want her to do anything bad to herself, MC. What if she goes too deep, or cuts a vein, or-"

I put my hand on her head and began to rub, stopping her. I remember my mom used to do it when I felt scared or anxious.

     "Don't worry, Sayori. If Yuri was telling the truth, then she probably won't do anything like that- unless we mess up really badly, and suddenly cuts just aren't good enough."

     "Nnnnnngggg"

Sayori makes some kind of disgusted noise- can’t blame her.

     "One more thing, Sayori."

     "Yeah?"

     "Careful with Monika. She wasn't buying your act either, and she might get suspicious."

     "Mm…"

I stayed with Sayori for a bit longer. We discussed what should, and should not be done around Yuri. Basically, treat her like normal, but with Sayori, you gotta be specific. I decided to spend most of the evening talking to her, just to make her feel better. We actually wrote our poems together as well; they turned out pretty good, I think. I helped her with her homework a bit, and we talked about what's been going on over the past few years- more on her end, but still. I even helped her clean her room a bit. It feels like a whole lifetime since we hung out like this. I even told her about how me and Monika had the same idea with the cookies, resulting in yet another cookie disappearing from my bag. Too bad the circumstances couldn't be more tame. 

A few hours have passed. I should probably head back home; it's dark. 

I look at the clock.

8:30

     "Hmm, hey Sayori, I should probably go home, it's getting late."

     "Aww, do you have to?"

Her face is some odd combo of playful disappointment and genuine concern.

I reply in a joking manner.

     "I mean, it's not like I can stay here all night."

After about two seconds, Sayori hits me with:

     "Why not?"

I open my mouth to reply, but can't seem to come up with anything to say. I guess there's no reason not to.

"It's not like your mom will be worried or anything. She's not even home."

I'm not really sure how to go about this. I just don't want to be a pain, but Sayori's parents haven't been home either.

     "Wait a second, where are your parents?"

     "O-oh, uhh, th- they’re visiting family for a bit."

     “Where?”

     “Toronto, Canada.”

I guess she must not want the day to end, or she might freak out about Yuri overnight. I suppose there’s no harm in flopping on the couch for the night.

“To be honest MC, I just don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I would feel a lot better if I had someone to talk to.”

Sayori says this with a slightly embarrassed expression.

Well, now Sayori doesn’t leave me with many choices. She probably knows it too. I give her a comforting smile.

     “Alright, just let me grab some stuff from home. It’s only about a block away, maybe less.”

     “Okie dokie!”

I head out the front door and start making my way home. It’s cool, but not cold. It’s just right. As I make my way down the sidewalk under the glow of the moon, my understanding of Sayori’s request becomes more clear. She actually saw it happen, while I’ve only heard about it. I can imagine Sayori being kept up for hours with racing thoughts. You lie there as self-doubt starts to cloud your mind, and you wonder if anything will turn out ok in the end. Heck, small events can trigger this for some people, but seeing a friend cut themselves open is on a whole different level. The more I think about it, the more that I can feel the cold rushing up and down my spine and my heart beat quicker. Maybe this sleepover will do me some good too. In the meantime, the short walk, as well as the quiet night, will be therapeutic. 

I almost walked past my house, while I was thinking to myself. Anyway, I just need a change of clothes and whatnot. I’ll take Yuri’s book with me to- … Maybe that isn’t such a good idea. I’ll just leave it home for the night.

I walk into my house, and run up to my room to grab something to sleep in, as well as my spare uniform. 

     “Let’s see, I shouldn’t bring Yuri’s book, and I left Natsuki’s manga at the club, hmmm.”

I glance over at my own manga collection, neatly aligned on my bookshelf.

“Pfft”

I’ve read them all so many times that I don’t even want to think about bringing them.

“I guess I can either talk to Sayori some more, or just play games on my phone. I guess I could take my laptop, a hand me down from mom.”

I take my things and head out the door, locking it behind me.

…

I approach the door to Sayori’s house.

For most people, a scenario like this between friends of the opposite sex would be pretty awkward, but this is just how we were as kids. Just flat out walking into each other's houses and asking the other if they wanted to do something. The neighborhood is pretty safe, so our parents didn’t care to let us run back and forth from our homes, at least before dark. Man those times were fun.

I knock on the door before letting myself in.

“HEY SAYORI, I’M BACK!”

      “OKAY!”

She shouts as she runs back down the stairs in her pink pajamas with white polka dots. For some reason, her attire doesn’t throw me off one bit. That’s just how I remember Sayori. 

     “I fixed up the guest room for you!”

She’s grinning from ear to ear.

     “O-oh, you didn’t have to do that, Sayori. I was just going to flop on the couch.”

Her face takes a more serious tone.

     “Oh no, you don’t want to do that.”

She walks up to her couch and slowly yet carefully lowers herself onto it. It makes the loudest creaking and screeching noises I’ve ever heard come out of a piece of furniture. It sounds like a demon coming straight out of the pits of hell itself.

     “Gosh Sayori! You guys need to get that fixed, like, NOW!”

     “I know, I know; it’s just hard to find the time. But we have a guest room for a reason. I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.”

     “Okay okay, thanks Sayori.”

     “That’s ok, what do you want to do in the meantime?”

     “Um, I didn’t have anything to bring that’s entertaining; I took my laptop, just in case.”

     “We can talk or watch TV.”

     “Both?”

     “Mmm, yeah both.”

Sayori gets the remote and switches on the TV as we sit on the safe couch. It’s a little smaller, but definitely safer than the demon couch.

     “Hey, Sayori, do you know if Monika has plans for the upcoming festival?”

     “Me and her agreed that we should do something, but we aren’t sure what.”

     “So this festival is supposed to attract new members, right?”

     “Yeah”

     “Hmm”

I sit there pondering ways to make a “Literature Club” fun, yikes.

     “FOOD!” 

Sayori practically yells in my ear, making me jolt back.

     “Gosh, make me deaf, please; I can still hear from this one.”

I say sarcastically as I point to my left ear.

     “Sorry. But we should have food.”

     “Yeah, food sounds like something we should do. You think Natsuki would be up for making another batch of those cupcakes? Those are too good to be eaten by only a few people.”

     “Oh yes, they were soooo good. We should also have some decorations.”

     “Strike two, another good idea. What would be the main attraction though?”

Me and Sayori try thinking for a few minutes.

…

Neither of us can seem to come up with anything.

“I guess we can write creative poetry, but can’t come up with creative ideas.”

     “Yeah…”

Literature words

People like showing off

     “What if we held some kind of literature related game?”

     “Like Scrabble?”

     “Yeah, exactly!

     “And hangman!”

     “Yeah and crosswords!”

     “And word finders!”

     “Here I’ll type this stuff down on my laptop so we don’t forget.”

After brainstorming some ideas, Sayori tells me that she will take this list of activities to Monika. I’m just glad I could cheer Sayori up after these terrible days. No, “terrible” isn’t the right word- traumatizing. 

A good half hour passes by before Sayori announces that she’s off to bed. I’m honestly surprised that she didn’t fall asleep earlier after all she’s been through the last couple of days. I follow suit as she shows me where the guest room is. I don’t remember it always being here though, but at the same time, I haven’t been in this house for years. I’m sure some remodeling has been done since then. The large bed has been neatly made and extra sheets laid out. It’s a simple room with a built-in closet and a window next to the bed.

“Thanks again Sayori.”

     “No, I should be thanking you… and saying 'sorry'.”

     “For what?”

     “For pressuring you to stay the night. That was pretty selfish of me, hehe.”

She gives me the most empty giggle I’ve ever heard in my life, like she actually feels bad.

     “Sayori, you have no reason to be sorry.”

She looks me in the eyes, appearing confused, while still maintaining a weak smile.

“You asked me to stay because you were worried for your own health, and I’m glad you did. Keeping Yuri’s secret to yourself would have taken a physical toll on you, eventually. Believe me, I’ve seen plenty of examples. You are not selfish for doing that.”

She gives off a more genuine smile than she showed moments ago. She staggers me with a hug.

     “Thank you for staying, MC!”

I slowly wrap my arms around her as I softly reply:

     “Of course, Sayori.”

     “I’m so glad you haven't changed.”

I’m told I was a pretty nice kid growing up, but I have changed, just not in my outward expression. This experience, as well as the Yuri situation, is also changing me. I have seen people battle mental problems and disabilities for years. But there were always doctors and trained professionals there to help. I wasn’t meant to do anything about it, nor was I expected to. But once I was put into a real school and back into my own home, I noticed a lot of little behaviors from people that mimicked the troubled individuals that I had been around, but they were hiding it. They didn’t have immediate access to help. I know for a fact that a boy in my Biology class is anxious and afraid of failure. When he’s called on, he’ll know the answer, but he’ll never volunteer. He always wears a happy “I’m in charge” expression. I could name many behaviors that give him and others away. But this is different, this is my childhood friend who is threatened by anxiety and the fear that she could ruin someone's life, and I have the knowledge to help her through this. I’ve never felt this way toward other people before; I never had a reason to. But I’m going to make sure that Sayori and Yuri push past their problems and lead happy lives. I feel like I have to.

Seconds feel like minutes as Sayori finally loosens her grip on me. 

     “It will all get better, Sayori. I promise.”

She gives me a split expression in response.

     “Good night, MC”

She slowly leaves the room.

     “Good night…”

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day for sure.

Chapter Text

I slowly open my eyes.

Big bed 

Big window

     MC: “Ugh, wait, where am- oh, sigh ”

I’m in the guest bedroom at Sayori’s house. All the events of yesterday are coming back to me very quickly. Got scared for a second. 

I check my phone clock.

5:53

Huh, I woke up a little before my alarm. I guess I could get up.

I start off with a nice long stretch. The guest bed was very comfortable, too bad I have to actually get up and do things. I follow up by rubbing my eyes to clear my vision.

I open the bedroom door and walk out into a three room hallway, which I assume to be Sayori’s room as well as her parents. I started quietly walking down the hallway, when I heard the sound of subtle yet obvious tossing and turning coming from Sayori’s room.

Creak     toss flip

AAGH!

“Hey man, do you think you could keep the noise down?”

“O-oh, yeah s-sorry, MC.”

I know his condition is driving him bonkers, but jeez, there are other people in this house besides him. 

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on him, but I’m still tired and need sleep.

Ok, enough of that!

I know people have problems, but I need to stop comparing the club members to the mentally ill people I’ve met. People can share similarities. That’s totally normal. Although it did help in Yuri’s case, it still doesn't mean that it will every time.

I head down stairs, and walk into the surprisingly clean and tidy kitchen. I don’t remember Sayori being the clean type, but I guess she matured over the years. That’s what I thought until I opened the fridge. 

“Sayori! What in the world?”

I whisper quietly to myself so as to not wake Sayori up.

I’ve never seen a refrigerator this cluttered. It seems as if most of the healthy food hasn’t been touched at all. I can barely find an egg carton in the very back. I reach half my arm through the cold machine just to get to it. I don’t know if Sayori assumed that I would be eating here or not; so I’ll just make us both breakfast to make up for it. I remember my mom cooking eggs a long time ago, but I can’t recall anything now. I’ll just look up a tutorial online. How hard can it be? If Sayori can do it, so can I.

I decided to go with scrambled eggs. While I wait for them to cook on the skillet, I butter a couple pieces of bread. I’m definitely not stupid. I know how to make toast...at least I thought I did until I went to the toaster oven and saw the number of dials on the thing. Jeez, what ever happened to just pushing the levers down and waiting for the bread to pop back up? I’m seventeen, I shouldn’t feel like a parent who’s been out of touch with technology for several years.

…

Luckily, the toast turned out to be fine, but I did get the eggs a little brown on the bottom. That’s ok though, still not bad for having never cooked. Just as I start to get the eggs off the skillet, I hear and see Sayori thumping down the stairs. I think of her “Sunshine” poem as she waddles down the stairs still half asleep. Although I can’t remember exactly how it went.

Sayori looks in my direction and nearly has a heart attack.

     Sayori: “AH!”

She lets out a high pitched scream that hurts my ears.

     MC: “Ah, ow!”

Sayori puts her hand over her heart and lets out a breath of relief.

     “Oh, MC, I forgot you were here~”

     “No, my ears aren’t bleeding, thanks for asking.”

     “I’m sorry, but you scared me half to death! Why are you up so early anyway?”

     “Well, I thought I’d make us some food before school.”

     “Aw, that’s sweet of you MC, but you didn’t have to do that.”

     “Why not?”

     “Becaaause, I pressured you to stay.”

     “That’s ok, Sayori. I really don’t mind. I need to eat better anyway. Eggs and toast is a nice change of pace… Here you go.”

I slide Sayori a plate of scrambled eggs and white bread toast.

I take a seat at her dining room table and start digging into my protein filled creation. Before I even finish my eggs, Sayori has already wiped her plate clean. I guess Sayori’s appetite hasn’t changed much either. 

“Geehz, Shaori! Shlow down.”

I say with my mouth full of egg.

     “I was really hungry, hehe.” 

     “I can tell.”

     “Thanks so much, MC.”

     “You’re welcome.”

I finish off my meal and head back upstairs to get ready for school. Sayori told me that she would wash the dishes. I’m not sure why, but today just doesn’t feel like a school day. I guess it’s the relaxing feeling of being at a friend's house. But I still have to go. Dang. 

I finish the morning routine and walk back to my house to put all my stuff away. Leaving yesterday’s clothes and my hygiene supplies at Sayori’s house would have been a hassle. I meet Sayori at her front door, and we begin our daily walk to school. 

As we come nearer to the school building, I feel like I have to remind Sayori of what we talked about in regards to Yuri. But maybe it’s best that she doesn’t remember? I just won’t bring it up. It would kill the cheery atmosphere around her, and I would rather have a cheery Sayori than a slightly upset Sayori.

     “See ya, MC!”

     “See ya!”

It was pretty hard to focus on classes today, not that I needed to anyway. I must be at least two months ahead. But my thoughts have been on Yuri. Best to just wait until tomorrow, when I can talk with Xander. What do I do? Am I supposed to do anything, or do I just be nice? Maybe a combination of the two? We’ll see tomorrow. In the meantime, I should pay some attention in class. I still have to take the quizzes and tests after all.

…

Alright, lunch time. As I walk down the hall, toward the cafeteria, I hear someone call my name.

     “MC!"

I stop and turn around to see Yuri catching up to me. Naturally, her "issues" are immediately brought to my mind, but I'm able to suppress any thoughts related to that.

     MC: “H-hey Yuri.”

     Yuri: “Hello, um, s-sorry to bother you, but I was just curious about Sayori’s condition. Did- did she come to school today?”

     “Uh, y-yeah she did. She was feeling pretty good when we got here this morning.”

     "Oh, thank goodness. That's a relief to hear."

"…"

     "..."

A few seconds of awkward silence pass before Yuri decides to speak up.

     "M-MC?"

     "Yeah?"

     "Would… n-never mind."

Yuri turns her usual embarrassed red, and twirls her hair around her finger, looking away.

"I-I'll see you in the club."

She hurries off toward the cafeteria, obviously wanting to escape the conversation she almost started.

     "See ya."

            I replied.

Wonder what she wanted. Oh well, she clearly didn't want to say anything; I'll just forget it.

…

Club time. 

Walking through the club door felt different today. It emanates a dreadful atmosphere, and I almost don't want to open it. But… things can't get better if I run away. If I were to run now, I would just fall back into the repetitive lifestyle I’ve been living for the past six years.

I enter the room to be greeted by an atmosphere not too different from the door that greeted me. Monika, Natsuki, and Yuri have this aura as well, despite everything looking the same. Things haven't been going so well since I first joined the club. Monika can't be feeling too good about it either. She's the president, and her club is slowly falling apart. Maybe I should be more reserved today. 

I noticed that Sayori isn't here, but she has been late before. I guess I'll greet Monika first as I usually do.

     "Hey, Monika."

I say with less enthusiasm than normal.

     Monika: "Hello, MC." 

She replies with her eyes still glued to her laptop.

     "Did Sayori say anything about not being here? We had some stuff we wanted to show you about the festival."

Without moving her eyes, she says:

     "Mmm, no, she never said anything like that."

     "Oh, hmm, ok then."

Monika appears to be very busy. I should leave her alone.

I take a seat parallel to Yuri's, taking out my History school book and reading some of its contents as a refresher, seeing as I forgot to bring any books today.

I never understood how people could hate these topics. Putting yourself in the shoes of someone in these time periods makes it much more amusing. I guess reading the same stuff over and over again 'cause you're told to can get annoying, but even so.

I get about a couple of pages into it before I start feeling like there are eyes on me. I look up toward Yuri, and I catch her trying to quickly look away-but I already noticed.

She takes panicked turns between me and her book before speaking.

     Yuri: "I-I'm so sorry; I-I wasn't trying to stare."

     "Th-That's ok, Yuri. I kinda had a sixth sense just then, y'know?"

     "Y-yes, I do know what you mean. I... just happened to notice that you don't seem to have a book with you today." 

     "O-oh yeah, I spent the night at Sayori's house yesterday, and I kinda forgot some of my books."

     "Ah, I see."

"…"

     "..."

     "W-Well, I do have my copy with me. W-would you like to... borrow it?"

She's getting quieter the longer she speaks.

      "But…weren't you just reading it?"

     "W-well yes, but I don't mind. I have another book." 

I'd feel bad if I just took it, even if it's just for today's club meeting. 

     "We could both read it."

Both of us are shocked at my random proposal. Why did I say that?

"S-sorry, I just kinda blurted that out. I-it's ok; you can read it."

     "I don't mind!"

Yuri reacts so quickly and loudly that it just about scared me. 

"Ah- o-oh my, I didn’t mean to raise my voice. Um...I don’t mind… sharing it with you.”

Yuri struggles to maintain eye contact.

     “O-ok I just... wasn’t expecting you to agree to that.”

I get up and move my desk next to hers so that we can both see the page.

“Here you hold this side, and I’ll hold this side. Just tell me when, and I’ll flip the page.”

     “Alright.”

Yuri and I eventually get into a rhythm of me flipping a page to her side so that she can catch it with her thumb. It also became obvious pretty quickly who the faster reader was...not me. It makes sense though; Yuri reads far more often than I ever have. She’s probably read more this week than I’ve read my entire life. Her dedication to reading makes me wonder how many worlds and stories I’ve missed out on, just because I didn’t want to stray away from anime.

It actually gets pretty hard to concentrate on just reading. I mean, we are extremely close, but I eventually get my focus on the book. I can tell Yuri isn't doing much better than me. I can see her eyes shifting a lot in my peripheral vision. 

Back

Forth

Back

Forth

Yuri and I shift at the same time, leaving our shoulders touching. We only get through one page like this before Yuri seems to reach her limit.

     Yuri: "E-excuse me, I-I uh, need to go out for a moment." 

She pushes off of the desk to stand up.

Yuri's sleeves go up just enough for me to see a spec of white. It wasn't the shirt that makes up the school uniform; it was a bandage. It was more paper-like and stuck to her skin than a shirt. 

I can't let her leave the club room. She might cut herself again!

     "W-wait Yuri!"

I quickly grab her wrist to keep her where she's standing. Agh! Why did I do that?

She pulls away and turns to me with a fearful look.

"Uh, I, can... uhh. I'm sorry I…"

     "I-I'll be back."

Yuri hurriedly leaves the room.

Just as she does so, Sayori walks through the door, eying Yuri as they pass each other.

     Sayori: "Uwa! Sorry I'm late!"

     Monika: "That's alright Sayori. Just don't make it a habit, ok."

     "Ok, I won't."

Sayori comes up to me with a slight concern on her face.

"Where's Yuri going?"

     MC: "Well… I might have messed up."

     "What happened?"

I tell Sayori what happened.

…

"Hehe"

     "Sayori, there's nothing funny about it! She… y'know ."

     "I know, I know, but I'm just surprised. She's just so reserved. I didn't think she'd ever read the same book with anyone at the same time."

     "I mean, I guess."

Yuri comes back to the clubroom.

"That was fast."

     Yuri: "Y-yes, I'm sorry. I just went to the restroom."

I don’t think you could walk to the restrooms that fast to start with.

     Monika: “Okay Everyone!”

Monika grabs everyone's attention.

“Let’s go ahead and share poems. Maybe this time we can get through one session with MC here.”

     MC: “Guess I’m bad luck or something.”

     Natsuki: “Yeah, you probably are.”

     Sayori: “Natsuki, that’s not very nice.”

     “Hmph”

With Sayori saving me from the big bad Nat, everyone gets their poems out. 

It seems that I’m always talking to Monika when the club time gets interrupted by something. 

     MC: “Think I’ll start with you this time.”

Monika seems to notice this pattern as well, as she responds with her beautiful smile.

     Monika: “We do seem to get interrupted mid-conversion a lot, don’t we?”

     “Yeah, and not for the best of reasons. I wish someone could bring in good news as an interruption.”

     “ MC, you have just won the Nobel Peace prize.”

This could be interpreted as mocking, but Monika is obviously just trying to lighten the mood.

     “Heh, yeah, that’ll be the day. Anyway, here’s my poem.”

     “Alright, let’s see here…”

…

Monika quickly gets through my poem.

“You know what I like about your poems, MC?”

     “What’s that?”

     “They’re very different every time you bring one in. As a matter of fact, this looks like some of the poems Sayori’s brought.”

     “W-Well, it would make sense. We were in the same room when this was written.”

     "Spending extra time with Sayori, are we MC?"

Monika smiles extra wide and shoots me a wink.

     "W-what's that supposed to mean?"

     "You do walk home with her everyday."

     "For a few days, yeah. I thought we were talking about poems."

     "Ahahaha, I'm just teasing you, MC. But I still liked your poem, albeit the metaphors are quite odd. Here's mine."

Reading it shows how much better Monika is at this than most of us here, except maybe Yuri. 

     "Another smash hit, Monika." 

     "Thanks MC. I try my best every time."

     "Wish I could say the same."

     "Don't worry too much about it, MC. Everyone's 'best' is different."

     "That's true, but I'd be lying if I said I was as dedicated as you and Yuri with these poems."

     "Yuri reads more than all of us. It's only natural she'd be a bit better than us at writing, but even that isn't really true. Short, simple stories can be impactful, without needing a large vocabulary."

We both instinctively turn to Natsuki, who's reading Sayori's poem. Sayori sees me and Monika looking at them and happily waves with her sweet smile. 

Sayori's smile is infectious…

"So, MC…"

Monika whips my attention back to her.

     "Y-yeah?"

     "You and Sayori have festival ideas?"

     "O-oh, right. Well, she has it all written down, but I think I remember most of it. It seems obvious now, but food is a good allure. We thought maybe Natsuki could make more cupcakes."

     "They were really good. Sounds like a good idea to me."

     Natsuki: "Hey, are you guys done?"

     MC: "O-oh sorry, yeah, we're done with the poems."

     Monika: "We can bring up the rest of your ideas after the poems."

     "Right."

     Natsuki: "Why didn't you just do that from the start?"

An embarrassed Monika scratches the back of her head.

     Monika: "Eheh, I guess I wasn't thinking."

     "Well that's obvious."

     "Heh, yeah… I'll go share with Sayori." 

I think Natsuki hurt Monika's feelings a little bit. 

     MC: "That was unnecessary."

     Natsuki: "What? It's true. Save the non-poem stuff for later. We're sharing right now, not hanging out. Whatever, here."

She's pent up about something. I'll just read her poem for now.

…

What the-

Wrong

I hate people who think they're always right

And when I try to talk

They always start a fight.

I'm just trying to be nice

But they don't listen.

I'm getting mad.

I'm counting to ten.

This wouldn't have happened at all

If they would just admit

They are WRONG!

I'm astounded, and in disbelief. It's been a couple of days since she and Yuri fought, but I thought that most of the damage was done. Boy was I wrong.

     "Did you and Yuri have another fight yesterday?"

     "We were about to, but I was getting really angry. I was tempted to start swinging, so I walked off."

     "Oh, good. Listen Natsuki, I, uh…you didn't show this to Yuri yet, did you?"

     "Not yet, but you better believe I'm gonna."

She grins like it's the best idea since sliced bread. 

     "What!? N-no, that's a horrible idea!"

     "Ugh, that's what Sayori said too. You guys just can't admit when the smart one is wrong, can you!? Whatever, your opinion doesn't matter to me. I'm showing her my poem, whether you like it or not!"

Dear Lord, what has her so mad!?

Natsuki holds her hand out, expecting me to hand her the poem. 

Yuri may be a peaceful individual, but everyone has their limits.

Imagining the consequences, one of them getting physically or emotionally hurt, causes me to pull the poem closer to myself, rather than give it back.

     "Natsuki, you'd be better off convincing me the earth is flat than getting me to say that this is a good idea."

     " Urk! I don't care if you think it's a good idea. I'm sick of people being stuck up about things that are so stupid. It's none of your business anyway."

She attempts to take the poem, which I put out of her reach with my right arm.

     "Hear me out for a second."

     "No, give it back!"

     "Sshhhh, don't get everyone's attention."

Not wanting to start another fight, Natsuki begrudgingly returns to a normal stance.

     "Ugh, fine, make it fast."

I feel like no matter how reasonable my case is, she's just gonna give it to Yuri anyway. But I have to try.

     "Ok, Natsuki, you know what? That poem about Amy liking spiders? It sucked!"

     " Ggh "

     "What kind of an analogy is spiders? It makes no sense!"

This is probably the dumbest and riskiest move I could be making right now.

     "I know what you're trying to do, and it's not working." 

     "Is it not? I saw your face turn red when I said the poem was bad."

     " Nng , well, yeah, for a second I thought you were serious. It got me mad."

     "What if I was serious?"

     "I'd be pissed!"

     "And you would be Yuri in this scenario."

     "..."

     "That's pretty much how it'll end. Actually no, it will end with one of you being hurt: physically or emotionally."

     " Ugh , ok fine, I won't show her. Only because you and Sayori will just keep hounding me about it, probably Monika too."

Any reason is a good reason, I suppose. I don't think that stunt really did anything to help, but I guess it still ended well.

"So, how do I get to not show it to her?"

I look around for a trash bin. No, wait, if Yuri asks, why would it be in the trash? I need a reason to throw it away. 

I look at the teacher's desk right next to me, and see a thermos with coffee in it. 

Sorry Monika.

I sit Natsuki's poem next to the coffee cup, and wait for everyone's heads to turn before pouring out enough coffee to make the poem unreadable. I gently sit the warm container back down. 

Once I have it set, I turn to Natsuki, my hand on the clean part of her poem. 

I slide my hand across the desk so fast that I knock over the thermos, leaving the rest of the coffee to ruin the page and my hand. Luckily, the coffee is just really warm but not hot. This creates a loud noise, getting everyone's attention.

     "OH CRAP! I-I'm so sorry, Natsuki!"

It's important to get my usual stutter out for authenticity. 

     "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

Natsuki surprised me quite a lot with her reaction. I guess she decided to play along.

     Monika: "What happened?"

     "This idiot just ruined my poem with your coffee!"

     Sayori: "How did that happen?"

     MC: "I-I was sliding her poem across the desk, and I, uh, accidentally h-hit Monika's coffee cup. Sorry…"

     Monika: "Oh, well that's ok, accidents happen. You can just buy me another coffee." 

Monika shoots me a wink.

     "Ehe, uh, s-sure."

Whether or not she's serious, I feel obligated to buy her another drink. I did this on purpose without involving her.

     Natsuki: "Ugh, I can't even read this anymore!"

She angrily dumps the ruined sheet in the trash can.

"Whatever, I'll just write a new one."

     Yuri: "That's a shame. Do you remember any of it?"

     "Mmm, not really, it was actually kinda long compared to my last two poems." 

Natsuki picked up on this act and she never put it down. She's a good actor!

     "Ah, I see…"

I grab some paper towels from the closet and clean up the spilled coffee.

     Monika: "I think Yuri and MC are the only ones who haven't shared, right?"

     Yuri and MC: "Y-yeah."

Sayori giggles at our shared stutter, while Yuri just avoids eye contact.

     "Alright, we'll be over here. Tell us when you're done."

The girls cross the room to chat, leaving me and Yuri next to the teachers desk.

     Yuri: "S-sorry for running out on you without warning a moment ago. That was very inconsiderate of me."

     "Well, that's ok."

     "Um... why were you trying to stop me? Was there something you needed to say?"

I can't help but be panicked at this question as I didn't see it coming. I really didn't know what to do at the time. What am I supposed to say? 

'I wanted to make sure you don't cut your flesh open.'?

     "Uh, honestly, I'm... not sure. You looked like you were uncomfortable, so I kinda just had a panic reaction." 

Yuri takes a second to consider my answer.

As if she'll believe a lame excuse like that. Great job, me.

     "I believe I understand."

     "You do?"

     "Yes, I often think the very same way. Panic is quick to replace rational thought. I can understand if that was what happened at that moment."

     "Oh thank goodness. I thought I was being creepy by accident."

Yuri stays uncomfortably silent for a bit.

     "Well… I do understand your quick decision making error, but it was still pretty creepy."

My face practically becomes a volcano. It didn't feel like that at the time. Now I feel terrible. Why would I do something like that?

"I-I'm so sorry. I had no intention of putting you down."

Of course Yuri still finds a way to make the situation worse for herself than she needs to. I'm definitely at fault, but now Yuri looks like she committed the misdeed herself.

     "No no, y-you're right. I'm sorry for grabbing you. That was pretty stupid of me, heheh."

A few seconds of awkward silence later…

"A-anyway, here's my poem."

     "R-right…"

Yuri takes my poem and looks over it for a bit. 

She winds up looking at the ground, presumably to gather her thoughts.

"This reminds me of Sayori's style preference."

     "Yeah, we wrote our poems together, so it makes sense."

     "Ah, I see. I suppose I can't share the same advice since you've already written some very good poetry before today."

That kinda sounded like she doesn't like it.

     "Thanks Yuri. I really appreciate your feedback. You're really good at this." 

     "P-please, don't say such things."

     "Why not? It's true isn't it?"

     "I just pass on things I've noticed."

Yuri is still looking away, albeit not as much as she's done in the last couple of days.

     “Well, when you notice something and adapt it, you’re better at it than you were before.”

     “I suppose that’s true.”

     “Yuri, you’re probably the smartest one in this room. You just don’t believe it.”

     “It’s not that.”

     “Oh, s-sorry, I thought-”

Yuri seems to be searching for her next sentence. I should give her a minute.

…

     "I understand that I... know a lot. It’s because I enjoy learning, but it seems as if the more I learn, the worse of a person I become, the more I'm berated and singled out."

I have a hard time understanding how she could think that she's becoming a worse person. Yeah, she's reserved, but it's not like she's the only one. That’s just how some people are.

“This is the reason I always seem to have my ‘head in a book’. Books don’t care how much I know, or that I’m not social. Books don’t judge me. I find solace in them, a peace that I don’t have anywhere else. They allow me to get lost in a world that is not our own, and meet wonderful people who have their own struggles. I’ve given up on attempting to socialize. I won’t dumb myself down, and read less for the sake of others wishes.”

It’s hard to argue with her logic. If everyone you meet thinks you’re a smart aleck, what’s the point of meeting more people?

“That being said…this club is a wonderful outlet, for the most part. This is the only time of the school day that I look forward to, even if Na-. I-I’m sorry, I was overdoing it again.”

     “That’s alright, Yuri. I don’t think you talk too much.”

Her face brightens up a bit.

     “Your patience is astounding when compared to my peers.”

     “Not really, I was just listening to what you were saying.”

     “Then I will say one last thing…”

     “Mhm…”

     “Natsuki’s preferences versus my own might be too much. I’m afraid we will ruin the club.”

I think it’s what they don’t know that will ruin the club.

     “Well, just try to keep a cool head and an open mind. Don’t worry too much about Natsuki. Just keep being yourself, and we’ll let her do the same.”

     “I’ll try, for you.”

My face glows from the unexpected response.

Upon realizing what she just said, Yuri’s face also glows, and she gets in her signature nervous stance.

     “W-w-we should let them know we’re done.”

     "Um, right, y-yeah."

I scratch my neck as we move over to the others. Jeez, I feel like I’m in a cheesy movie or something with Yuri saying that.

     Monika: "Okay everyone! We have something to go over today."

     Natsuki: "It's about the festival, right?"

     “Mhm.”

     “ Ugh , do we really have to do something for the festival? It’s not like we can put anything good together in just a few days. We’ll just end up embarrassing ourselves.”

     Yuri: “That’s a concern of mine as well. I don’t do well with last-minute preparations.”

     Monika: “MC and Sayori were brainstorming ideas for the event, and I think they had some wonderful ideas. Although, I think you guys went a bit overboard on the games. There are a lot of them.”

     Sayori: “There were so many fun games. I couldn’t pick just one.”

     “And naturally, food is essential for an event. Natsuki, think you could make another batch of your delicious cupcakes?”

     Natsuki: “You bet!”

     "Think you can handle it on your own? We'll need a lot."

     "Challenge accepted! They’re gonna be the main attraction."

Natsuki has reason enough to be confident with her baking. Because she’s awesome at it!

     “Actually, we have something prepared for the main attraction.”

     Sayori: “Yep, we’re gonna do a poetry performance!”

     MC: “A what!?”

     Yuri: “A p- Um, Monika.”

Yuri looks distressed, which isn’t a surprise at this point. I am too.

     Monika: “That’s right. Sayori came up with the idea in the middle of the day, and I think it’s wonderful.”

Thanks Sayo, probably the worst possible thing for the likes of me, Yuri, and Natsuki. It had to be the only idea I wasn’t there for, of course.

     Natsuki: “You’ve gotta be kidding!”

     “Oh, you think it’s a bad idea?”

     “...Well, not bad , but I didn’t sign up for this, y'know. There’s no way I’m going to be performing in front of a group of people like that.”

     Yuri: “I-I agree with Natsuki. I could never…in my life…do something like that.”

     MC: “I’m gonna have to take their side on this one, Monika. I really don’t think I can do it.”

Both in ability and permission. I’ve already been breaking my house rules enough as it is. This festival will basically be the closest I’ve ever come to a party, which I’m strictly forbidden to attend.

     Sayori: “I-I didn’t know you guys would hate it so much...”

     “N-No no, it’s just, uh…”

I think I’ll just have to come out and say it. I don’t want Sayori to think I hate her idea. It’s just one that I don’t want to participate in.

“L-Look, it’s just that I have a pretty strict mom. Technically, I shouldn’t be attending the festival at all. So, to be the center of attention at an event this big is… just crossing too many borders.”

     Monika: “Oh! Well, if she doesn’t want you attending the festival, maybe we can talk to her and-”

     “NO!”

Silence fills the room in response to my volume.

“S-Sorry, I mean, uh, no. It’s a dead-set rule.”

I shouldn’t even be in the club. Talking to my mom will only make it worse.

“I’ll go to the festival, but I really don’t want that attention. I’m sorry.”

     “Does anyone have a better idea?”

Once again, more silence.

     "What about some sort of competition? One thing people like doing is showing off and being competitive. If we can find a way to integrate that with the ideas of the Literature Club, it might generate some interest, and even if it doesn't, they'll still have fun." 

     Natsuki: “You just bailed out of the performance, and now you have new ideas? Sounds like you’re trying to run the place.”

     “What?! N-No I’m not.”

     Monika: “Natsuki please, he has a solid reason to stay away from the festival, but he still wants to attend.”

     “But he’s just-”

“     -Listening to his parents. It’s important to do that, especially while they’re still around.”

Monika’s bizarre statement generates even more silence.

“Ah-”

I think she regrets it now.

“Ahaha, sorry for getting dark. Anyway, MC, the idea isn't bad, but how would we pull that off?"

Sayori begins to open her mouth.

"No Sayori, we're not doing Scrabble."

Sayori pouts.

     Sayori: "I was gonna say hang-man."

Slight grins and low chuckles fill the room.

     Yuri: "Um, I have an idea."

Everyone turns their attention to our resident bookworm. Shyness and anxiety soon take over her thinking as she can't seem to power through the attention she herself commanded.

     "Um, I- ah, I-it's a… I-I'm sorry, never mind."

     Monika: "It's ok, Yuri. Take your time. I want to hear what you have to say."

Yuri takes a moment to breathe as Monika's encouragement alleviates her. 

     "Th-Thank you Monika, I'm sorry about that everyone."

     Sayori: "That's ok, Yuri. We like you just the way you are, stutters and all." 

A little more awkward silence to add to today's pile. Yet Sayori just smiles through it. At this point though, anything odd that Sayori says can still be seen as positive.

     Natsuki: "Yeah, whatever, what's your idea Yuri?"

     Yuri: "Um, it's a game that I've read about and seen people play online. It's titled A Book A Minute. The premise of the game is to convince the other players to love a book with a short, one minute description. The player with the best description, determined by vote, wins. I believe this activity is enough to fuel the creative mind, and it can make our club appear more fun-loving than it sounds on the surface."

We all glance at one another with thoughtful looks.

     MC: "It is about Literature."

     Sayori: "And it sounds like fun."

     Monika: "And it requires certain knowledge and skill sets."

     Natsuki: "And it's competitive."

     "That sounds like a good idea, Yuri. All in favor of playing A Book A Minute at the festival, say 'I'."

     Everyone: “ I ”

     “Alright, sorry the poetry performance didn’t work out, Sayori, but there were too many concerns.”

     Sayori: “That’s ok, as long as my friends get to have fun, I don’t care what game we play.”

     “Thanks for understanding.”

     Yuri: “I want to apologize as well, Sayori. I just couldn’t do that. I would die of humiliation.”

     “I get it, Yuri. It’s alright.”

Yuri doesn’t respond, opting instead to fiddle with her hair.

     Monika: “Back to our plans, I’m going to be making pamphlets for the festival to give it a more professional feel, with unique colors to display our fun side. Sayori is going to make and put up posters for direction and attention to the clubroom. Yuri you can… um… Guys, can you help me come up with something for Yuri?

     Yuri: “I’m useless…”

     Sayori: “No you’re not. You’re the most talented one here.”

     Monika: “Yuri, you make an invaluable addition to the club. You aren’t useless. We just need to find the right activity for you.”

Everyone takes a moment to think.

…

"Y'know, this place will look pretty boring with just desks and pamphlets. Maybe Yuri can make decorations."

     "That's a great idea. Appearance and atmosphere can have a huge impact, especially on first impressions. Yuri, would you be alright with making some decorations for the festival?"

     Yuri: "Atmosphere? A-about that… I love atmosphere!"

     "That's good to hear, Yuri. Then that just leaves MC."

     MC: "The one who's truly useless."

     "Ahaha, don't say that. In fact, everyone here has some pretty heavy tasks to handle. I'm sure they would appreciate some extra help."

     Natsuki: "I guess I could give you some dirty work to do."

     Yuri: "If I recall correctly, you wanted to make the cupcakes yourself. My job is no cake walk either."

Sayori lightly giggles at the unintended pun, while Natsuki has something to say.

     Natsuki: "Wanting to spend extra time with our new member, Yuri?"

     "Th-that's not what I was implying! I was simply stating that I could use some assistance."

     "Then stop trying to hog all his time and just say it!"

     MC: "HEY!"

I wave my arm in between the two.

The rest of the club turn their heads to me.

"I can help all of you. My weekend is almost completely free. Monika, I can help you tomorrow, after I run a quick errand. I can help Sayori and Yuri on Saturday, and Natsuki on Sunday so the cupcakes don't go stale... What do you guys think?"

     Monika: "Are you sure, MC? That's a lot of time and work."

     "Yeah, I'm sure. I-I also feel kinda bad about the poetry thing, so I'd like to help as much as I can."

Plus it'll be the most exciting weekend I've had in years. Ugh , I sound like an old person now.

     Sayori: "That's so nice of you, MC."

Sayori comes behind me and wraps her arms around my neck.

     "Ah- ok ok, n-no problem."

     "This festival is going to be great! I can feel it!"

     Yuri: "I'll certainly try my best to make it look as extravagant as I can."

     Natsuki: "These will be my best cupcakes yet. Just you wait."

     Monika: "Thanks for lending your time to this club, MC. You'll make this a much smoother experience."

I'm definitely not as creative as the girls, but I'll help in any way I can.

"Okay everyone, I think that wraps up our plans for the festival. We can finalize our schedules with MC tomorrow."

Everyone starts packing their things once our meeting is over.

     MC: "Ready to go, Sayori?"

     "Yep! Bye guys."

     "See you all."

     Monika, Yuri, Natsuki: "Bye."

I hold the door for Sayori before we make our way through the halls.

     "How was today, Sayori?"

     Sayori: "It was alright, I guess. I'm still worried about Yuri."

     "Me too. You looked good today though."

Sayori blushes at me, smiling.

     "Thanks, MC..."

For just a second, I'm confused, until it hits me.

     "W-wait, I-I meant that you didn't look sick today, not that you looked 'good'. I-I mean, y-you do look good, but I was talking about, when-"

     "HAHAHAHA!"

Sayori begins laughing at me. This relieves and embarrasses me at the same time.

     "You got so defensive so fast, hehehe."

     "But you know what I meant right?

     "Hmm, I don't know, MC. Could you explain?"

She continues to tease me.

     "S-Stop that!"

     "Hehehe"

…

     "But you do look nice."

She develops a shocked expression, almost one of disbelief.

     "Th-thanks, MC, but I don't look nice ."

Sayori doesn't smile this time.

What was that she said?

We approach the school gate and then…

     "HEY WAIT!"

Sayori and I turn around to see Amy running toward us very fast in an attempt to catch up.

She reaches us and has to catch her breath. 

     MC: "Hello, Amy."

     Amy: "H~ey, whew. I'm out of shape, aha."

     Sayori: "What do you want?"

Sayori's words are almost venomous.

I look at her bewildered, to which she just kinda backs down.

     Amy: "I- exhale I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. It was pretty inconsiderate of me to try and call you out or something, especially when Sayori was sick. Are you feeling better?"

     "Yeah, thanks."

     "MC, I hope you don't think ill of me."

     MC: "N-No, I don't think anything bad about you. After all, it's only human to be curious, right?"

     "Yeah, I guess it is. That said, I'm still curious. Y-You think I could, y'know, talk with you about it some time?"

Amy looks up at me over her glasses with her head tilted down. Not as confident looking as she was yesterday.

I look at Sayori, and then at the ground for a moment. 

I finally respond.

     "Sorry, there's really nothing to share. I appreciate the apology though. Even if there wasn't a lot to apologize for, heheh."

Amy looks a bit disappointed. 

     "Are you sure there's nothing to share? Myths usually come from some form of truth, y'know."

     "Y-yeah, I'm sure."

     "Ok then, sorry for pushing a little bit."

     Sayori: "H-Hey Amy."

Amy turns to Sayori.

"Sorry for yelling at you yesterday. When you called MC a freak, I kinda took it too personally. Can you forgive me?"

     "Of course I can, Sayori. I guess that did sound pretty harsh in hindsight, haha."

     MC: "Well, we'll get going now. Have a good day, Amy."

     Sayori: "Bye!"

     Amy: "Bye you two."

As Sayori and I walk home, we discuss our plans for the weekend. 

     "Oh yeah! I had another idea for the festival."

     MC: "What's that?"

     "Little goodie bags, with candy and maybe pens. Oo, and maybe little poems."

     "Are you sure you don't want to just eat the extra candy that's left over?"

She puts her index fingers together.

     "Well, when you put it that way, heheh."

     "I'm just joking. I actually think that's a good idea. It's a little fun thing they can take along with the pamphlets. We can do that on Saturday too, but we can't do too much. I still have to help Yuri that day too."

….

We walk in silence for a minute or two.

     "Hey MC?"

     "Yeah?"

     "I was thinking about what Amy said yesterday and today, Yuri too."

I wait with nervous breath for what she says next.

     "You haven't told me a lot about the years you were gone. It feels like you always try to dodge it. Then Amy says that people think you're a freak, even though they don't know you. You said you lived in different homes. All I really know is that you mostly live by yourself, and that your parents are divorced. I guess the part that bugged me is when Amy said that myths come from some kind of truth. MC, could you tell me what happened, please?"

I don't know what to say. I want to tell her everything. Sayori was my childhood friend, my best friend, my only friend. The problem is that even I don't know everything. How could she understand what I don't even understand? But it'll be hard to keep secrets forever.

Me and Sayori are stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, with her staring at me and awaiting an answer and myself debating it. I've gone years without telling anyone anything, but all that being secretive has done is make me lonely. Anime, manga, and games can't replace a real friend. In the years that Sayori and I have been apart, I've never felt anything like when we used to play, cause mayhem, and relax together. But at the same time, there must be a reason that Xander and my mom set these rules.

     "Um…"

Sayori baits her breath.

"I'll… we'll see on Saturday."

Sayori lets the hold loose on her lungs and exhales in slight disappointment.

     "Okay…"

We continue our walk in a threatening quietness until we arrive at Sayori's house. 

     "I'll see you tomorrow."

     "Yeah, see ya…"

I make my way back to my empty home and start to think.

I'll just wait till I see Xander tomorrow. I'll have a better mindset after talking with him. I may have to admit to breaking the rules, but I'm sure my therapist of all people will understand.

Chapter Text

Today's going to be extremely slow. I've never been this anxious about seeing Xander. I'll need to mentally prepare myself for the day, but first, I need to meet Sayori for our daily walk to school. I'll need to move, seeing as I'm just on time today.

I get to her house and knock on the door. 

...

I wait a minute and ring her door bell. 

Another minute later and my phone buzzes.

     Sayori: "Im goong 2 be latr. Gi on withiut me."

I wonder if she just woke up. There are a lot of misspellings. I'll have to leave her behind. I'm cutting it close as it is. 

As I speed walk to school, I feel worse and worse about leaving Sayori behind. She's going through a lot right now with her own mind. She's worried about Yuri, she's home alone, and now she might be worried about me. I've never been late before to anything . I really don't want today to be the first day, but Sayori is my best friend. I can't just take away something that makes her happy.

As I get closer to the building, I see groups of students walking, laughing, and engaging in idle chatter. They make me feel even worse for leaving Sayori behind. 

Crackle

Is that thunder?

I turn around and see a bundle of gray, threatening clouds blocking out the sun, putting a dark blanket over the town.

What if Sayori doesn't have an umbrella?

…

…

I'm going back!

What kind of friend would I be to not help her out?

I go back to Sayori's house at a frantic pace, but not before grabbing an umbrella from my house right by the door. By the time I get back, I see her locking her own.

     MC: "HEY!"

Sayori turns around in shock.

     "MC?! What are you doing? You're late for school now!"

     "Walking alone just didn't sit right. Plus, I didn't want you to walk by yourself either, what with recent events."

I loosen the umbrella and put it above us.

"I also didn't know if you had an umbrella."

I smile at her as I protect us both from the assaulting rain.

She returns a small smile, with a hinge of guilt.

     "You didn't have to come back for me, MC. I could've gotten there fine."

     "I know. I just wanted to."

...

Nothing but the pitter patter of the rain separates the silence.

     "You're too nice to me, MC. I don't deserve it."

That kinda came out of nowhere. She sounds like something bad happened again.

     "Of course you do, Sayori. I wouldn't have come back if you didn't."

     "You'd have done the same for Monika, Natsuki, or Yuri. You're just really nice."

What do they have to do with it?

     "If I was walking with them to school everyday, then yeah, probably, but I don't go to school with them. I go with you, and I enjoy it."

     "Next time you're late, just go to school, ok."

     "I thought you enjoyed going to school together…"

...

     "I-I do."

…

I’m getting confused by this conversation. I thought she would be excited that I came back for her, but instead she’s almost frowning on it. Maybe she just wanted to be alone today. I guess I’ll have to remember next time she tells me to go ahead without her.

Sayori doesn't say another word the rest of the way.

We're obviously late to our classes. I shove my umbrella in my locker, grab my book and quickly get to my room. My teacher seems oddly tame about my being late, which is odd, considering he usually has a quick fuse with the other students.

…

The school day comes to a close, and by the time I get to the clubroom, Natsuki already seems upset about something.

     Natsuki: "Monika! Why did you move my manga?!"

     Monika: "Sorry Natsuki, the teachers keep asking me to put it up there."

     "Why?!"

     "They didn't say. I guess since it’s not school property they don’t want that mixed in with their own stuff."

     "UHGG, that's so stupid, and it's getting on my nerves!"

Monika continues to work on her laptop.

I go to the closet where Natsuki is trying to get her box set of Parfait Girls off the top shelf, which she's too short to reach.

     MC: "Here, let me help you get that."

     "I don't need your help. I got it."

     "But I can just-"

     "I said I GOT IT ."

She verbally shoves me away.

I decide to go see what Sayori's up to instead of tempting fate with Natsuki.

Sayori is sitting by herself in the seat next to the window, looking down on the students below with a very somber look on her face.

     “Hey Sayori.”

Sayori, startled by my sudden appearance, jumps up and places her hand on her chest.

     Sayori: “ Hah H-Hi, MC.”

     “Lost in thought?”

     “Yeah…”

     “How did your day go?”

     “Fine, I guess.”

Her mood doesn’t seem to have improved since this morning.

     “Are you ok today, Sayori?”

     “Of course, MC. I’m just tired today is all. Go play with everybody else. I’m going to take a little nap.”

Usually when Sayori lies, it’s extremely obvious. Although sounding truthful, I feel something in my gut that tells me she isn’t just tired. 

     “Sayori, I know it’s been a number of years, but you can tell me anything. If you aren’t feeling your best then I’m here for you.”

     “Thanks MC, but you don’t need to worry about me. I told you I’m ok.”

Despite wearing that contagious smile of hers, something still seems off.

     “OK then… Oh, and Sayori?”

     “Hm?”

     “I was thinking about what you asked me yesterday. I think I can answer your questions. I’ll tell you when we work on the festival tomorrow.”

     “Really?!”

Sayori’s eyes open and shine just enough to lift a little weight off my heart.

     “I promise I will. I’ll tell you everything.”

Sayori’s sudden burst of motivation doesn’t last long as the somber look returns to her complexion. 

     “Y’know, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It was selfish of me to beg for your life story that you didn’t want to tell. So, I changed my mind. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

Man, Sayori must be really having an off day. She seemed so upset that I wouldn't tell her, and now she could care less.

As a last ditch attempt to cheer her up, I reach for one of the cookies in my backpack. It’s split in half at this point, but I know she won’t mind.

     “Here…”

     “Hm? Oh… thanks but, isn’t that for Natsuki or Yuri?”

Did I tell her that?

     “Well, yeah, but they don’t know about it, so you can take it.”

     “No no, I couldn’t do that. I’d feel bad. Just give it to one of them. They’ll really appreciate your kindness, MC.”

     “ Sigh Alright, enjoy your nap, Sayori. Just don’t forget the poems.”

     “I won’t.”

Sayori puts her head in her arms and shuts her eyes. I sit for a moment and think.

Maybe she is just having an off day, but the more I think about it, the more something feels familiar. I just can’t remember what that something is. It’s a sense of déjà vu that I can’t shake.

I look around the room while I think, only to realize that Natsuki still hasn’t gotten her manga off the shelf. She gets one of those wheeled chairs from the teachers desk and wheels it to the closet. She hoists herself up on it. 

In that moment I knew something bad was going to happen, so I hurry to the closet to get a grip on the chair to make sure she doesn’t fall off of it. 

My quick and sudden grip alerts Natsuki to my presence.

     Natsuki: “H-Hey, what do you think you're doing?!” 

     “Making sure you don’t kill yourself.”

Her face returns neutral as her sudden outburst fades.

     “Whatever, you better not make me fall.”

As I confirm my grip on the wobbly chair, I realize that I can see up her skirt. I just look down and hope she doesn’t notice. I could explain myself to Sayori, Monika, and even Yuri, but there’s no way Natsuki would let that slide. 

She finally manages to get her manga down. 

“Alright, I got it. Here, take it.”

     “I can’t. I’m holding the chair.”

     “Well, I can’t get down, and-”

Natsuki suddenly goes quiet.

“AAAAHH!”

Natsuki’s yell nearly throws off my hold on the seat.

“YOU PERVERT! YOU’RE TRYING TO-”

Her unpredictable thrashing is wiggling the chair away from my hands.

     “Natsuki stop! You’re gonna fall off the chair!”

     “I DON’T CARE! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERV!”

Natsuki tries shooing me away with her foot.

Natsuki loses her balance. The manga set in her hands slips out of her grip. It lands on my head, which causes me to completely lose focus on the chair and stumble backwards. Natsuki falls off the chair and reaches her hands straight toward me to break the fall. The last thing I see is a lot of pink.

By the time my eyes are open, I’m on the floor, right outside the closet with Natsuki laying across my chest. A quick glance at my left reveals the mess we made of her manga. Natsuki quickly comes to and tries to push herself off me. By the time she realizes what she’s laying on, she freaks out.

“Gah!”

She gets off the floor as fast as a human possibly can.

The others rush over at the loud crashing noises, except Sayori, who simply looks at the commotion from a distance.

     Monika: “What happened?”

     Yuri: “Are either of you hurt?”

     Natsuki: “I’m fine, but your new member is a freaking pervert!”

     MC: “Wh-what?! H-Hey, I wasn’t doing anything!”

Natsuki stomps away in annoyance to pick up her manga.

“I-I was trying to make sure she didn’t fall off the chair, and then-”

Monika leans forward and reassures me.

     “It’s ok. I believe you.”

She flicks a quick wink.

     Yuri: “I’m still unsure of what exactly transpired here…”

     Natsuki: “He was trying to catch a quick one!”

     “...Catch?”

Natsuki pinches the end of her skirt for emphasis.

Yuri puts the pieces together with a face of conflicted panic.

“O-oh my, um, I see…”

     “That’s not what I was doing! I was making sure you didn’t fall off the chair and crack your skull!”

Yuri chooses to bow out of the conflict and return to her book. Can’t blame her.

As Natsuki angrily picks up the scattered manga books, she pulls one book closer and stares at it in horror. 

The paperback cover was dented hard . 

I slowly and quietly move closer to Natsuki. She looks to be on the verge of tears as she grips the colorful title tighter…and tighter…and tighter.

“I…I’m sorry Natsuki. I’ll buy you a new-”

She quickly turns around and chucks the ruined manga straight at me with a newly found anger that I’ve never seen from her before. Fortunately, my reflexes stop it from hitting me square in the chest. 

Natsuki runs straight out the door, slamming it behind her.

Everyone in the room is quiet.

…

I look down at the book.

A straight and diagonal bend. Right through the middle.

Sigh

“I didn’t mean to…”

Monika puts her hand on my shoulder.

     Monika: “I’m sure she knows it was an accident, MC, but right now that’s not the problem.”

…

“I’ll be honest, MC…”

I look at the club president with a new curiosity.

“Natsuki has never been as upset as she has been this week. I think something’s bothering her.”

Based on her reaction, this manga series must mean a lot to her. 

__________________________________________

"Why do you keep it in the club room instead of at your house?"

"Um, well, my dad's kinda picky, so... I guess it would be less trouble if I just read it here instead of at the house."

"Huh, strict dad."

"You don't know the half of it."

__________________________________________

"So uh, what do your friends think of this series?"

"They, um, aren't really into manga. They think it's childish."

__________________________________________

Her dad doesn’t like manga.

Her friends don’t even want to talk about it.

The school definitely won’t allow it. 

That just leaves… the Literature Club.

This was her safe space. This was her escape from reality, her only real self-time. I didn’t just ruin a book. I damaged her only escape. Even though it wasn’t all my fault, I have to buy her a new one. I would feel terrible if I didn’t.

I look down at the cover.

Parfait Girls

Volume 3

“At first when you joined, she seemed fine, but after she and Yuri fought, that might have had an effect on the club time for her. Maybe it wasn’t the same after all that negativity. I’m not really sure myself.”

It does seem like I’m bringing a heap of bad luck. At first it was Natsuki and Yuri fighting, then Sayori and I learned about Yuri’s…problem, and now I’m not sure Natsuki’s gonna be able to hold it together.

A quick glance in the room reveals a certain shade of purple hair missing.

…

     “Where’s Yuri?”

-------------------------------------------

     “I can do this. I can do this!”

 The purple haired bookworm reassured herself on her way to the girls room.

Yuri slowly approached the restroom door. She could hear small whimpers, cries, and sobs. She knew it was Natsuki.

“Why am I doing this?”  

Yuri didn’t know what to think, but all she knew is that she wanted to do this. She knew she couldn’t turn back this time.

“I have to be strong.”  

Yuri quietly pushed open the bathroom. Natsuki is leaning against the sinks and looking at herself in the mirror.

     Natsuki: “ Sniff   Why did that IDIOT have to join? Coming in and acting like he gives a crap about us. Sob"

Yuri couldn’t believe what she was hearing. MC has been nothing but kind, patient, and understanding since he’s been there. 

     “Perhaps she hasn’t gotten to know him as well as I have.”

“All these guys are nothing but perverts!” 

At that last declaration, Natsuki slams her fist against the sink.

“OW!” 

She grips her hand in pain. Natsuki would have you believe she’s invincible in any other circumstance.

Only after her fists were involved was Yuri afraid to approach her fellow club member, but it was too late as Natsuki spots Yuri through the mirror.

The pink haired girl directly confronts Yuri.

“How long have you been standing there?!”

Yuri has never had a one on one with Natsuki while no one else was around, and especially not in this rageful state. She struggles to respond and takes quick sporadic breaths.

     “A-A f-few seconds…”

     “What do you want? Here to rub my ruined book in my face since you hate manga so much?!”

What? Why would she think that was her motive? They were never on good terms, but Yuri has never shown any ill intent. 

     “N-No, of course not.”

Natsuki sobs once again and quickly turns away to hide her weakness. Tears cover most of her face at this point.

     “I just wanted some peace.”

The quick tempered poet was never one to release her feelings like this, especially to Yuri of all people.

Yuri gets a little closer to a distressed Natsuki.

     “Natsuki…”

She slowly turns back to Yuri.

“I…I’m so sorry for insulting you and your manga. It was childish and narrow-minded of me to do so.”

Both of the club members sit in silence as Natsuki ponders, and Yuri waits with bated breath.

     “AAHG, I can’t respond to that when I’m mad!”

     “I-I’m sorry…” 

Yuri says as she begins to turn around.

“Perhaps another time would-”

     “NO.”

…

Both girls are at a standstill until Natsuki finally breaks the silence.

“I…I’m sorry too. Your poems are good.”

…

“There, I said it.”

     “I forgive you then.”

     “I guess, I have to forgive you too.”

Not exactly what Yuri had in mind as an apology, but it was the best she would get out of Natsuki in this state.

     “But…”

Natsuki perks her head up, possibly anticipating another argument.

“I urge you to reconsider your feelings toward MC. He’s been extremely kind and patient with me, and I have no logical reason to assume he has anything against you. I am certain that whatever happened in the closet was an accident.”

     “And I bet he sent you to say that, just like he sent Sayori after you that one time.”

That was the last thing Yuri wanted to think about right now. The one time she didn’t just do it in a stall was when Sayori walked in. No, this wasn’t about her right now; it was about Natsuki.

     “N-No, he didn’t. I came here on my own volition. I give you my word; he means well and is not a…a pervert.”

Yuri hangs her head after having to use such vulgar terminology.

Natsuki’s face finally softens up a little bit as she considers Yuri’s words.

     “Even if he isn’t…I don’t trust him. He just shows up one day and we can’t hardly go one meeting without something bad happening.”

     “W-We started that fight ourselves, Natsuki.”

Looking back, it was not something either of them were proud of.

     “Yeah, but we brought him into it. After he split us up, Sayori got really sick.”

Yuri can’t risk commenting on that particular occurrence.

“There’s also a few rumors I heard floating around…”

     “High schoolers like to create meaningless drama, Natsuki. It comes with the territory.”

     “Yeah, but this time it just feels different. Even the teachers gossip about it, and they never get into that kinda stuff.”

Yuri did find it odd that the teachers would even gossip, since they usually tend to despise that behavior. 

“I heard his parents are spies or something.”

Or at least she did.

“He’s also apparently never been to another school, but he just shows up one day.”

     “Rumors come and go, but he doesn’t seem to have poor character.”

Natsuki’s eyes are starting to dry up.

     “Then why has Sayori been getting more upset after MC joined?”

Yuri knows exactly why, but she could never tell Natsuki. The “freak” comments would simply skyrocket to the moon. Just the thought of everyone in the club knowing brings an anxious pain to Yuri’s chest.

“She seems really bad today. She’s just sitting alone, doing nothing .”

Yuri feels ashamed that she simply hadn’t noticed Sayori today. She was too entranced with her book, which makes her question her relationships. 

     “ Sayori was there for me when I was at a low point, and I can’t even be bothered to notice when she’s clearly not herself.”

     “I’m just saying, if he's telling her things or doing something to hurt her, I will CRACK HIS SKULL OPEN!”

     “Shhh, Natsuki, there are still staff and students here.”

     “Whatever, I don’t trust him and he’ll have to do a heck of a lot to convince me otherwise.”

     “Would you at least let him assist you with the festival preparations like we planned?”

     “Yeah, I already said I would, and I could use the help.”

     “Good…are you ok with going back now?”

     “ Sigh , not really, but I guess I have to at some point.”

“Wait!”

As Yuri begins to leave, Natsuki stops her once again.

“...”

     “...”

     “I-I’m sorry. I really am. I just…this week hasn’t been the best, and I guess I took it out on you. But if you tell anyone I was crying then; well, I’ll let you use your imagination.”

Natsuki shows the slightest of grins, which makes Yuri feel much better.

     “Of course.”

Yuri returns a smile as she holds the door for the manga lover.

-------------------------------------------

Yuri finally comes back with Natsuki. I notice that her eyes are a little red, which means tears were shed.

     Monika: “Natsuki, are you alright?”

     Natsuki: “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m ready to share poems now.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “Yeah, let's just do it.”

Everyone quickly gets through their poems. Natsuki practically blew through mine, called it good and went on her way. I can’t say I did much better. That leaves Sayori last.

     Sayori: “...”

“It’s alright, I guess.”

     “So, you don’t like it then? Come on Sayori, you’ve been tired before. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

     “You’re looking too much into this, MC. I’ll get better…”

     “Alright, I guess I’ll stop bugging you about it, but you know I’m here.”

     “I know…”

     “Are you going to show me your poem?”

     “U-Uh, I… I didn’t write one.”

There’s that déjà vu feeling again. Either stop it or let me remember!

“I think I’m gonna go home early.”

     “But we haven’t gone through the festival plans yet.”

     “Just call me when you’re ready. I’ll have everything we need. Just tell the others I’m not feeling well, ok. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

My stomach churns as I see Sayori walk out the door. 

It’s ok. I’ll see her tomorrow. But that familiar feeling is going to kill me until I find out what it is.

     Monika: “Okay everyone! Is everyone finished sharing poems?”

Everyone gives Monika their attention.

“It looks like we know what we’re doing for the festival. Now we just have to coordinate the schedules with MC. Thanks again for offering the help.”

     MC: “No problem. S-So I’ll be helping you today, but I have to run an errand first. I’ll be there for an hour, so I guess five is the earliest I’ll be available. How does that sound?”

     “Five sounds perfect. It won’t take too long anyway.”

Monika gets a piece of paper from her notebook and writes the relevant information on it: address and phone number.

     “A-Alright, thanks. I’ll be helping Sayori tomorrow morning, and that shouldn’t take too long either- I don’t think anyway. That’ll be about-”

     Natsuki: “Hey wait, where is Sayori?”

     “She said she wasn’t feeling well and decided to go home.”

     “So much for you guys being best friends or whatever.” 

     “Sh-She… just really seemed like she wanted to be alone today.”

     “ Gee wonder why.”

Yuri nudges Natsuki with her elbow. What did I do now?

     “Uh, Yuri, how long do you think your work will take?”

     Yuri: “Hmm… hard to say, but I would estimate in the range of three to five hours.”

     “Does two sound alright with you?”

     “Yes, that will be fine. W-Would you mind if we- uhh…”

She's playing with her hair again.

     "It's alright, Yuri. Just let it out."

     "Would it be ok if we-... did it at your house?"

     "Yeah, I don't care."

That's all? If anything, it will help my own nerves.

     "Very well, th-thanks."

     “No problem, u-uh, N-Natsuki…”

She’s looking at me exactly how I thought she would look at me. Not nicely.

“Y-You can pick a time. I have all of Sunday free.”

Natsuki ponders for a moment.

     Natsuki: “Noon?”

     “Good to me.”

     “Fine then. I have to go to your house too.”

Huh? Why would she want to come to my house? Her dad, I guess.

     “T-That’s ok.” 

…

…

     Monika: “Alright then, I think that about covers it. Are there any concerns anyone would like to bring up?”

Despite today's situation, Natsuki gives no response. Maybe I haven’t completely chased her off…yet.

“Wonderful, just make sure your part is set up before the festival begins.”

Natsuki, Yuri, and I exchange phone numbers, and I give Yuri my address.

I want to apologize to Natsuki again, but not only does she probably not want to talk to me, it might make me late for therapy.

      MC: “S-So I guess I’ll see you at five then?”

     “Yep, see ya in a bit, MC.”

Monika and I go our separate ways. 

I haven’t prepared myself to see Xander at all. I can’t tell him nothing. I need advice on Yuri, but how would I get that advice without telling him that I’m intentionally breaking his rules. I think I’m more scared of my mom in this case.

    *BUUUUZ-BUUUUZ-BUUUUZ*

Speak of the devil.

     “Hello?”

     Mom: “Hey MC, don’t forget about your appointment with Xander.”

She sounds insanely stressed and busy as always. The divorce hit her pretty hard, so I try not to bug her about it too much. She even took up intense smoking. Luckily, she was able to dial it back a bit, but she still does it.

     “Don’t worry mom, I haven’t forgotten. I’m on my way right now.”

     “Good, I also wanted to let you know that I will definitely be back next week.”

Next week?! The week of the festival?! I really hope it’s after Monday.

     “D-Do you know what day next week?”

…

     “Y~es, I’ll be here very late Monday night, or I guess technically Tuesday morning. We’ll see how the airport handles things.”

Crap, why did I stutter? She detected that too. I seriously need to work on that.

     “Alright, I’m heading to Xander’s work now. I’ll see ya next week.”

     “Bye-bye MC.”

BEEP

Sigh If I can’t talk to my own mom without stuttering out of nervousness, then this therapy session will not be fun. 

Chapter Text

I hop off the bus after almost 10 minutes, just enough time.

I go into the teal, modern looking therapy center. 

Dr. Xander runs the whole thing, and takes on a good amount of patients himself. I noticed he tends to take on the more complicated cases. I guess that's so he can keep sharp and not get complacent with his work. Despite how busy he is, he's a great guy, and at this point, our sessions are more conversations than anything else.

Of course today, that won't be the case. I'm going to wait till near the end of the hour when I'm more relaxed to bring up Yuri.

His receptionist, Kaede, kindly welcomes me back by name and tells me to go on ahead to his office.

I walk into the office, and I see him typing at his desk.

Dr. Xander Koide, my therapist and friend since I was eleven years old. At first it was heavy business between us, twenty-four seven. I saw him easily three or four times a week. He saw me as just another patient at first, but eventually he loosened up. Now I only see him once a month. We even played checkers during therapy last time. He won, of course, but that's to be expected. He's absurdly intelligent, with two masters degrees in Psychology and Neurology. He's 6'2, which makes him a monster compared to me at 5'7. He has short dark hair, green eyes, and nice glasses, not bad for his age. It's no wonder he's married, but I don't know any more about his family. I don't even know if he has kids or not. I guess it's not my business anyway. At this point my visits are just a formality that my mom pays for, for some reason. At least I assume she pays for these visits. I've never seen anything about a bill, but I know that a therapist and neuroscientist doesn't offer his services for free.

     Xander: ”Heeeey MC! Come on in. I’m just finishing up something here. It shouldn’t take but a moment.”

     MC: “Alright, how have you been?”

     “Oh, just fine, just fine, how about yourself?”

     “Well, it’s been…interesting.”

Xander gets up from his desk with his signature clipboard. 

     “Oh yeah, you went to school for the first time didn’t you? I’m interested-"

Xander takes a seat across from me.

“-how’s that going?”

Too soon to lay on the club news, gotta play cool, no stuttering.

     “It’s… kinda boring. I’ve already completed most of the curriculums when I was with Ms. Akasuki.”

     “Heh, yeah she worked you kids to death.”

He scribbles something down on his notes.

“About your new school…”

I’m silent as I wait for him to speak. 

“I’ve been thinking about our current situation…”

Our sessions or the rules? What is he going to say?

“I think we can let up on some of the restrictions I’ve put on you.”

     “…”

     “You’ve kept these rules like they’re gospel, and I feel bad for taking away opportunities from you that everyone else has. So here’s what we’ll do: You can interact with people online as much as you want. In the internet department, you’re basically free to go. Though I would stay away from certain corners, if I were you. I still don’t want you to digest horror media, for the time being. I still don’t want you to carry any weapons either, but you can go to small gatherings and such, preferably places you know are safe.”

I’m speechless…

I’ve held these rules for so long, but now I choose to break them, right when he lifts the weight a little bit?

     “Um, that’s great, but how big is a ‘small gathering’?”

     “Oh, maybe ten to fifteen people. Why do you ask?”

     “B-Because I-”

     “I'm gonna stop you right there, MC.”

…

“Did you just stutter? In the last six years, you only stuttered when you didn’t want to tell me something. Last time it was your diet, but this time…”

DANG IT, NO!

Dr. Xander takes on a more serious expression, leans back and looks me dead in the eye.

“Is there something you want to tell me, MC?”

WHAT HAVE I DONE?! Now he’s going to go back to the old rules! I can’t lie; I respect him too much. He’s been like a father to me. Then why did I ignore his instructions in the first place?!

     “I-I, well, uh~"

I don't want to lose the club right when I got it. Come on! Say something!

"A-At s-school, there, ghh…~I-I-I don’t want to-”

Sayori, Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki. I don’t want to lose them-I don’t want to leave them-Please don’t make me leave them!

I can’t help crying a little. I finally have friends, and he can make it to where I never see them again.

Xander comes over to wrap an arm around me.

     “Hey hey, it’s ok. Whatever happened, I’m sure we can work it out.”

I start breathing slowly to calm down- that’s what I’d be telling Yuri to do when she panics.

“That’s right, just breathe slowly. You’re ok, MC.”

I can think now…

     “Do- sniff do you remember Sayori?”

     “Saaaayori, hmmm…was she, no, that was Ai. You’ll have to remind me, MC.”

     "She was my best friend before the divorce happened…”

At that statement, Dr. Xander winced. Huh…

“Well, I haven’t seen her in years, and we just caught back up for the first time. She invited me to a school club that she helps run. She’s the vice-president. BUT IT’S ONLY FOUR OTHER PEOPLE, AND WE DON’T DO ANYTHING INTENSE! I PROMISE!”

     “Calm down, MC. I believe you.”

His strict stare hasn’t moved outside that one wince.

“So what do you do there?”

Once I got the answer, it sounds kinda silly.

     “W-We write poems…”

     “Hahahaha!”

His scary face instantly vanishes.

"So this club is essentially five people writing poems?”

     “B-Basically, yeah…”

     “Is that what you were so worried about, MC?”

     “Y-Yeah, I thought you would be mad that I didn’t heed the rules.”

     “Well, if this were last year, maybe I would be, but you’ve grown a lot, MC. I think I can trust you with the simple things. I’m happy to say that you can have fun with your poetry club.”

     “It’s actually called the Literature Club.”

     “That sounds much better. Yeah, feel free to enjoy the Literature Club, MC.”

     “Thank you so much Xander! This means a lot to me! I really like the people there.”

     “I’m happy you found something to enjoy with others. That’s an important factor in growing as a person, y'know. Writing is also a good way to discover yourself and release some feelings.”

'Xander's writing tip of the day' doesn't have the same kick to it.

"Tell me about these club members."

     "Actually, I wanted to ask you something about one of them. I think they're in serious danger of killing themselves."

     "What makes you say that?"

     "Sayori found this girl, Yuri, cutting herself with a pocket knife."

     "I assume you haven't told anyone else?"

     "N-No sir…I just don't know what to do about it…"

He takes a moment to ponder what I’m telling him before he continues.

     "Tell me about Yuri…"

     "Well, she's a very introverted person, but she's also kind. She has some really nice, long, purple hair-"

     "I don't really need to know about her hair, MC."

     "O-Oh, oh yeah, sorry. She also doubts herself a lot. She is not sociable at all. Ummm, she would rather dodge a fight, unless you attack something very close to her, like her writings or books. She would rather read than talk most of the time. She doesn't seem to have any friends outside the club anyway. She's not weird or anything, but she seems to get bullied for her mannerisms…"

     "Anything else?"

I give him a smile.

     "She writes great poems."

Xander gets a new paper for Yuri and writes something down.

     “She actually sounds very familiar… I wonder if I’ve had her as a patient before.”

     “I guess it wouldn’t surprise me.”

     “Would you say she’s a very emotional person? Does she display strong emotion often?”

     “Oh no, not at all! She got into a fight with another club member, but even then she wasn’t nearly as mad as she could’ve been. Any other time she’s consistently quiet and calm.”

     “She writes a lot, you said?”

     “Mhm…”

     “Would you say she puts emotion in her writings?”

     “Oh yeah, definitely!”

     “It sounds like she’s a very emotional person, but she just doesn’t know how to release her emotions properly, potentially due to past trauma. She finds some release in self-harm. If she’s willing to seek help, I’d tell you to recommend her to me.”

     “Umm, the problem is that… she doesn’t know that I know, and when she gets into stressful conversations, she might go do it.”

     “Perhaps you could have Sayori do it then?”

That would mean telling her about my therapy, but I think I’m ready for it.

     “Yeah, I can do that.”

     “Good. In the meantime, I’d tell you to be supportive. Just be a friend. Don’t do or say anything that might trigger a response. I know you don’t have much social experience, so if you feel like you can’t, then it would be best to avoid her for the time being.”

     “We’re already friends actually, but I might have to do better with what I say.”

     “Well, you’re a smart kid. I’m sure you’ll pick up on it. Now, I’d like to shift this session back to you...”

The remainder of the hour is just us talking about school and the moves I can make to better my future opportunities. He was more of a school counselor than a therapist. But I need to take his advice seriously. He’s been around, and he’ll definitely know what’s best for my situation.

I walk out of the building feeling better than ever. I can go to the Literature Club without feeling guilty now.

     “THANK YOU DR. XANDER!”

…

I hope no one heard that…

I put Monika’s address in on my phone and she’s surprisingly close to town. It’s a five minute walk at worst…

But I’ve only got five minutes!

I start running to the address to make it on time.

I swiftly arrive at a…HUGE HOUSE WITH A BIG YARD!

Ok, ‘huge’ might be an exaggeration, but holy moly, it’s bigger than the kids home I lived at after the divorce! That home was meant to fit dozens of kids!

The grass is well kept, the house itself is easily four stories, probably with a basement. The property itself doesn’t have any defining features other than being large. There’s a straight path of decorative concrete that leads straight to what appears to be a parking area made of normal concrete. The house is brick with two chimneys coming out the top, and it has many decorative windows in the front, with plenty of space between them. This place even has one of those gates with the buzzer speaker on it.

I’ve never used one of those before.

“Do I just-”

BRRRRRRRR

“JEEZ!”

That scared me to death!

After about five seconds, a voice comes through on the other end of the small speaker.

     Monika: “I’ll be right there, MC.”

It’s Monika!

Just as she said it, I can see the front door open with Monika’s flowy hair standing out as a giveaway. 

We both wave as she presses something on the other side of the door to open the gate.

The gate opens and I walk down the nice walkway to the front door.

Monika's wearing an off-shoulder green sweater with visible black bra straps going over the shoulders and blue jeans. Seeing her outside the school uniform is a little jarring but nothing too bad. Heck, we used to not have school uniforms at all.

"Hi MC! Thanks for helping me today, even if there's not much to do."

     "Hey Monika. No problem, I'll do anything I can to help."

     "It'll give us an opportunity to chat, without anything bad happening."

     "Heh, that's true."

Monika lets me in, and I'm awestruck at the architecture inside. A very modern looking guest room, with so much that it's hard for my eyes to keep track of. Several sitting areas, all in front of a big TV, fancy red carpets, nice wooden floors, a table in between couches to sit things like food, a kitchen right next to it, the second floor can look below on the room, flowers and pictures of various scenery- this living room is gorgeous!

I must look like an idiot because Monika has to snap me out of it.

Snap

Snap

     "Everything on upstairs?"

She's giving me a goofy grin.

     "Y-Yeah, it's just… you have a really nice house. I don't think I've ever been anywhere this nice."

     "Thank you so much, MC. Would you like me to give you a tour? Or do you need to get straight to the festival preparation?"

     "Oh no, you don't need to do that. It would probably be a hassle for you anyway. This place is huge…"

     "Ahaha, it's not as big as it looks. The top floor is an attic, and the two floors above us get more narrow. My parents work on the second floor when they're home, and my room's on the second floor as well."

     "Are they here now?"

     "No, my dad's still at work, and my mom is off approving construction loans out of town. But I got their approval for a guest to help me with a school project."

     "That's pretty vague. Do they know you're a club president?"

     "I don't think so. I told them, but they tend to have a one-track mind. They may not have heard me."

Uninvolved parents that work out of town. Sounds familiar.

     "I'm sure they'll come around. Plus you already have four people that appreciate your efforts."

     "Yeah, I guess…"

Monika looks a little down.

"Ahaha, look at me being dramatic. Come sit."

Monika sits in front of an ottoman with her laptop on it. I take a seat next to her to see her handiwor-... dang this couch is comfortable.

Sitting right next to Monika is making me a little nervous. One does not just go into Monika's house and take a seat beside her. I can practically hear the rumors and idle nonsense if someone in school heard about this.

     “Have you ever played this game that Yuri was talking about? What was it, A Book A Minute ?”

     “No, I hadn’t even heard of it before Yuri brought it up, but it sounds pretty fun.”

I remember now that Yuri’s game was a replacement for Monika’s poem recital. Now I feel terrible, because I was one of the advocates for not having the recital, and now I dare try to help the president with festival preparation after I shot her idea down like a shotgun going off!

     “M-Monika…”

     “Yes, MC?”

She’s looking at me with curiosity.

     “I’m sorry about the poetry recital. I’m even more sorry because I was just given permission to attend the festival. I know you really wanted to do it. I was just scared. Honestly… I still am a little bit. I’ve never been in groups that big.”

She's much easier to talk to when there aren't three other people around.

Monika looks in thought for a moment, making a blank face.

She suddenly looks at me and smiles.

     “Thank you for the apology, MC. It means a lot to hear that. I really thought that you guys just didn’t like the idea. You saying ‘sorry’ means I was probably wrong about that. It’s not all on you anyways. Natsuki and Yuri had some concerns as well. I understand why they didn’t want to do it, but I think it’s healthy to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while. I think it would have benefitted you and Yuri specifically.”

     “I’m sorry…”

     “That’s alright, MC. Let’s make the best of things, ok?”

     “Right…”

Once I got my attention back to the screen, I recognized the text.

…

It's our poems!

"Wait, where did you get our poems?"

     “I figured I could put a poem in here to represent its current members. I… may have taken pictures of them after I got the idea, hehe.” 

     “So you took pictures of their poems and put them in here without asking them? These poems seem to mean a lot to-”

     “Oh heavens no! I asked them over the phone. I would never do something like that. Speaking of which, would you like yours to be in here?”

I can’t see why not, I guess.

     “Eeeeh, sure, why not.”

Monika saves the changes to the page she is on. It’s several blank white pages with our poems on them and our names in the author’s spot under the title.

     “Y’know these pages are open to a lot of creativity, but we should probably start with the background color. Any ideas…?”

She’s currently on Natsuki’s poem. It’s hard to think about Natsuki without thinking of her hair color, pink. I tell Monika and she seems to agree.

“It definitely compliments her simple style of writing.”

She simply changes the page color with a color wheel to a hot pink.

It still looks pretty bland, and I’m still freaking out about sitting right next to Monika. The exposed shoulders really aren’t helping. It is her house though. It’s not like there’s a dress code for her. It seems like there's a nice smell coming from her hair too.

“It still looks pretty bland…”

Did she just read my mind or something?

     “How about some polka dots?”

Monika adds some white polka dots to the hot pink background.

We spend a number of minutes adjusting the visuals of the poem until she’s satisfied with it.

     “Natsuki will probably like it, but she won’t admit it.”

     “Heheh, you’re right; she won’t.”

We decide that it would be best to use different colors for each of our poems.

-Sayori is blue with yellow polka dots

-Yuri is dark purple with crimson

-Mine is brown with slightly dark yellow

Monika refuses to do her own. She wants it to be a surprise. I have a feeling green will be involved though.

We spend another two hours going through the details of the pamphlets. The front fonts, background designs, png standouts, the back page, what the description of the club should be- we try to make it sound as fun and engaging as a Literature Club can be. We put a few pictures on the front that made us laugh just for fun, but we aren’t keeping them. Like this shark with goofy looking eyes staring right at the reader was pretty funny. Monika really showed her sense of humor with these pictures.

Of course it was hard not to stare when she wasn't looking. Pretty sure she kept the makeup on from school too.

Looks like we're finishing up on these pamphlets. They look pretty awesome, with bold colors and pictures that make us seem kinda cool. Congrats Monika, you made literature look fun!

     "These will definitely make us look fun."

Seriously? Another mind read?

Monika leans back as she's been tilted forward for a while. We both get up to stretch our legs. Monika reaches straight up to stretch her back, which shows off her figure even more.

Monika looks back down mid-stretch and addresses me.

"Enjoying the show, MC?"

My face turns red in no time flat.

"Don't think I didn't catch you sneaking glances at me the whole time."

CRAP!

     "I-I'm sorry Monika, I-I… sigh …"

I give up. I know when I'm about to sound like a fool. I just look down in defeat.

"I'm sorry…"

     "Hahaha! I'm just teasing you, MC. That was kinda my fault too. I wasn't really thinking about you coming over when I got dressed. I just put something on that was comfortable. I'm sure my shoulders were pretty distracting~"

She says this suggestively and winks like she's baiting me into staring at her shoulders.

It works.

"Hahahaha! Ok, I'm sorry, but don't get any funny ideas."

Gosh, Monika is killing me here.

"I'm gonna get this stuff printing, and we can get something to eat, ok."

     "O-Ok, yeah." 

Monika clicks the print button only to be met with a prompt that tells her there is no paper.

     "Aw, seriously? I thought I had some. Well MC, it looks like we'll have to go get more paper. Let’s get something to eat first though, shall we.”

I follow Monika to the kitchen, which is also very nice. Shiny white cabinets and sleek tile walls- Monika's parents clearly make a lot of money.

When I walk into the kitchen, I notice a calendar for the month. I see the start of the school year, but I also see something interesting.

22 Monika's Birthday

Monika's birthday is the day after the festival. Hm…

I think Sayori would be interested in this information.

"I'll just grab a couple of these bentos and put them in the microwave."

     "You don't need to do that, Monika. I'll grab something from the store."

     "Don't be silly, MC. You're a guest. I had food planned for you already anyway."

The food gets warmed and she hands me the bento box. It's full of vegetables, curry rice, and sushi with what looks like cream cheese, cucumbers, and carrots as opposed to fish.

"I hope you don't mind the amount of green. I'm vegetarian, so that's how I make my bentos."

     "That's ok. It looks delicious. Thank you, Monika."

It was then that it occurred to me. Laughs, activities, and eating together- I've not just been helping with the festival; I've been hanging out with a friend. I've never done this with anyone but Sayori. I have another friend now. This feels amazing!

     "Thinking happy thoughts over there, MC?"

I had a huge grin on my face, and I didn't know it.

Monika now has her own bento box with similar contents.

     "O-Oh, y-yeah actually… um, Monika?"

     "Mhm?"

She responds with rice in her mouth.

     "Thank you so much…"

     " Swallows I already said 'you're welcome', MC."

I wasn't even listening to that one.

     "N-No no, not just the food. Thank you for the experience. Thanks for… y'know, trusting me, letting me into your home, and just having fun with me in general. Actually, now that I think about it, thank you for the club, even if I do seem to bring bad luck."

     "Aww, you're welcome! I guess you haven't had many experiences like this, huh?"

     "Just with Sayori, six years ago."

     "Didn't you just stay over with her recently?"

     "The circumstances weren't… favorable."

     "Well, I'm glad that I got to bring you new experiences, MC. I feel like I've accomplished my job as club president. Let's do our best to bring that same experience to others!"

     "Let's do it!"

We finish our meal and head out to the store together. There's a store down the road that sells a little bit of everything. It's near Xander's' workplace.

We enter the store and Monika tells me she knows exactly where the paper is. On our way there, we pass a couple of book aisles. 

Natsuki's manga…

"Hey Monika, I'm gonna see if I can find a replacement for Natsuki's manga real quick."

     "Ok, I'll come back when I grab the paper."

I have the image in my head, clear as day. I just need to see if I can find that image.

…

I've found manga, that's a good first step.

…

Bingo! Parfait Girls !

8,5,12 Someone here can't count, or the customers didn't care when putting them back… or both.

…

Yes! Volume 3!

I’ll just take a look at the cover real quick.

…

Special Edition?!

This version includes deleted scenes and a small poster in the back!

…

And it has the author's signature on it!

This isn’t just a replacement. It’s an improvement! She’ll love this!

Just as my excitement hits its peak, I hear a yell coming my direction.

     Unknown: "Hey!"

I turn around and see a burly guy several inches taller than me swiftly approaching.

By the time I can register his actions, he's already in my face. He takes a second and looks me over.

"Yeah, it is you! You're the freak from school!"

     MC: "W-What?!"

     "Don't play dumb. You're some kind of mental case aren't you?"

     "Who told you that ?!"

This guy is easily six feet tall with dark red hair and very broad shoulders. He appears to be of a different ethnic origin than Japanese.

     "So you don't deny it? I figured as much. You're probably better off not talking to anybody. We'd be better off not associating with your freak family."

I know this is a fight I wouldn't be able to win, but I want to swing my fists so bad. I can't help clenching my fists! 

"What's this-"

He just rips the manga out of my hands!

     "H-Hey, none of your business!"

     "'Parfait Girls'? You some kind of femboy too?"

     "N-No, that's for someone else!"

     "Yeah right, a freak like you knowing girls? HAHAHA! Come up with something better than that. "

I clench my fists tighter-

Don't do it, 

Don't do it, 

Don't do it-

     Monika: "Ahem"

The jerk turns around to find Monika with her arms crossed.

     "Hey babe. You-..... M-Monika?!"

     "If you don't want me to get you two weeks of detention for harassment of another student, I would mind your own business!"

He looks at the manga, then me, then Monika.

…

He tosses the manga back at me and walks off after a dismissive sneer. He seemed to want to avoid the time consumption more than anything else, as if he weren’t really bothered by the threat.

Once he's gone, Monika lets out a huge breath.

" Hah , I don't like doing that…"

     MC: "What was his problem?"

     "I don't know. That was Carter. Comes from America and thinks he owns the place."

     "Are you ok? You look like that took a lot out of you."

     "Yeah…"

…

     "Sorry for being blunt but… I don't believe you."

Monika is shocked!

"I'm good at telling when people are lying. I think you are too."

Monika processes my words.

     "Not right now, MC. Let's pay and go back to my house."

     "I-I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

     "It's fine. Let's just go."

Monika says impatiently. The manga was a bit pricey, but considering how much Natsuki cherishes it, I'd say it's worth it.

We start back to Monika's house with no words between us. She looks nervous the entire time, until something sets her off, and she starts fast-walking, dragging me by the arm.

     "Woah, Monika, what's the hurry?"

She starts whispering all of a sudden.

     "Walk fast and talk about something."

     "Huh?"

     "Ssshh just do it!"

     "U-uh, s-so Monika, what's the difference with this paper you're using for the pamphlets?"

As I make up random conversations, I catch up with her pace.

     "Oh, this is pre-made to be used for that kind of thing. Doing it ourselves with normal paper would be a pain, wouldn't it?"

She starts walking even faster.

"C'mon MC, we're only five minutes away."

She said that last sentence much louder.

We turn a corner and come to a convenience shop. Monika aggressively drags me into the front door of the brightly lit store. She continues into the back of it with some refrigerators that contain drinks and other lunch items.

I don't really have the sense to ask her what she's doing, especially when she was being quiet earlier.

"Stay there!"

She's back to normal volume at least.

Monika goes about half way through the store and takes an odd position with the front door in sight.

…

Wait, were we being followed?

Chapter Text

It takes about five minutes for Monika to come back from her scouting position.

     Monika: "Sorry, MC, but Carter was following us."

     MC: "What, why? You didn't even do anything that bad to him."

Monika is looking visibly distressed now.

     "Listen MC, Carter is a terrible person. You wouldn't know this, but he has a history with crime. He got three students suspended for illegal drug use last year, and one of them never even touched the stuff."

     "Oh God! Do the staff or police know?"

     "He's been arrested before, but since he was legally a child, he didn't get into too much trouble. But he has friends...scary friends. The teachers never seem to give him a proper punishment. I personally think he has them blackmailed with something."

     "This guy sounds dangerous! How does everybody handle it in school?"

     "He doesn't bother people most of the time, but no one dares call the cops or tell the staff."

     "Why?"

     "He also has a history of violence: assault, stalking, violence toward women, and… other kinds of assault…"

Monika is looking bad. She's fidgeting and playing with her hands.

     "Hey Monika, are you ok?"

She hastily nods up and down.

     "Y-Yes, I'm fine."

     "Does Carter scare you, Monika?"

Monika looks conflicted at my rash question.

     "W-Well, aren't you scared?"

     "I...I mean yeah, but we haven't done anything to him, right?"

     "That outburst in the store might have been enough, MC. He was following us. He… he-wants-to-know-where-I-live-!"

     "Woah woah Monika, calm down! Deep breaths!"

Monika takes very ragged breaths. 

I've never seen Monika show any emotion this strong, much less fear. I can't blame her. Carter seems powerful in a local context. If he often assaults women, it makes sense for Monika to be scared. I guess I'm not as scared because I've always tried to avoid conflict, and I felt like we haven't even done anything too bad.

But if he lays one finger on her-!

"Do you want me to walk you home from now on, Monika?"

What?! Why did I say that? I already walk home with Sayori.

Monika is taken aback.

     "Um~…"

     "I-I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have said that. It's weird, I know."

     “Th-That’s ok, MC. I’ll be fine though…”

She doesn’t seem sure of herself.

     “Well, we do need to get to your home right now though.”

I lift up the bags I’m carrying for emphasis.

     “Yes, let’s go.”

Monika looks both ways before leaving the store.

The walk back was without incident and no Carter in sight, but it was also very quiet. I’m not sure if now is the time to leave her to her thoughts or offer more support.

We go back to the guest room where Monika left her laptop.

     “Are you sure you’re alright, Monika?”

She responds with an upset sigh.

     “No, but what can be done? My best chance would be to show some sign of friendship in a public place, like school, but people may think I’m actually friends with him. That freak doesn’t deserve any friends! They may also think I do drugs, or that he’s blackmailed me!”

Are those tears? Monika seemed invincible at school, but here she is- vulnerable. Again, it’s hard to blame her. I don’t know what I can tell her. Carter is a huge guy. It would take more than two people to restrain him, let alone beat him up. She thought a lot about this in the five minutes it took to get back here. I can tell.

     “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home, Monika? You seem really stressed out.”

Monika looks away as if actually considering it.

     “No, it’s ok, MC. I have a means of self-defense…”

I’m scared of how reliable this “self-defense” is.

     “Well, ok, that’s good… I guess I’ll get going now. It’s getting late. Do you want me to stop by and take any of the stuff over to the school?”

     “No thanks, MC, it won’t be heavy. Please be safe on your way home.”

I take a deep breath. 

     “Alright, bye Monika. See you at the festival."

     "Bye, MC…"

I walk out the door. Leaving Monika alone to her fears. Hopefully her parents won't be long, assuming she'll even tell them. At least she won't be isolated. GAAH! I still feel bad!

Ok, deep breaths.

Inhale

…

Exhale

She'll be ok. We'll see each other at the festival. I can even text her over the weekend. It'll be ok. Speaking of the weekend, I hope it goes better than today ended. Monika would've been better off if I had never been here. She was trying to defend me, and now she's at risk of getting hurt. 

Monika:

bruised    bleeding

humiliated in school

depressed    

and...that…

    "Grrrrr!"

I clench my fists so tight my fingernails threaten to rip my skin open.

"I swear to every deity in existence, if he does anything to Monika…! I'll! DAH!"

I kick the yard wall to release my anger. 

I need to keep going. Thinking about it too much won't be good for my health at this rate. Hahhh~

…

I get home safely, and even though it's only nine o'clock- I'm exhausted. I'd better get some sleep so I'll be rested to help Sayori tomorrow.

I shoot Sayori a quick text to ask if ten is an ok meeting time. 

I change and immediately hop in bed. I’ll see her response when I wake up.

It's been so long since I've interacted with someone for most of my day like that. My energy is sapped, but my bed has never felt better…

I quickly drift off into sleep.

Chapter Text

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

6 A.M.?!

Awww, I forgot to change my alarm. Well, now I'm too awake to go back to sleep. I still got a good nine hours though.

I quickly turn off the alarm to stop the annoying sound.

Despite my early awakening, I feel refreshed and ready to go. Too bad I have to wait a few hours before I can help Sayori. 

I look down at my phone and see a reply from her.

     Sayori: “Thats fine”

Hm, pretty somber compared to how I thought she would respond. I wonder if she’s still feeling down. Even if she was just tired yesterday, it still felt like something more. I guess I won’t know until ten. 

I shower and get into my black t-shirt and jeans. I decide to try my hand at making eggs out of memory, and I must say, they turned out better than last time. I brush my teeth, aaaaaand it’s only 7:30.

…

I guess I’ll try my hand at that game I played before I joined the club. It was pretty fun.

…

9:50 A.M.

After a couple hours of re-learning the controls and getting my butt handed to me, I figure it’s time to head on over to Sayori’s. 

The sky is nice, but there’s water everywhere from the rain yesterday, which condensates into the air and makes it all feel grimy. All in all, this is probably my least favorite weather. Luckily I don’t have to walk far to get to Sayori’s house.

Once I get to her property, I ring the doorbell and wait a few seconds.

…

I hear nothing. I ring it one more time.

…

Still nothing.

I guess I can just go in. I did tell her I’d be here, and we used to do this all the time.

I open the front door and yell out.

     MC: “SAYORI ! ”

…

Where the heck is she?

I head upstairs to where her bedroom is and the door is closed.

“Sayori…you in there?”

…

There’s nowhere else she can be. Plus, why would she shut her door if she weren’t in there. I really didn’t want to have to enter her room like this… Isn’t it kind of a breach of privacy? But she really leaves me no choice.

I gently open the door.

The door opens and I don't see much. The first thing I notice is…

Mr. Cow?!

She still has that?! 

I won her that cow plush at an amusement park that has since long closed down. That's awesome! She really must've liked it…

"Snore"

Sayori is still asleep? Does she not have an alarm?

I look at her nightstand. There's a phone with an alarm that went off almost two hours ago, a half empty glass of water, and… sleeping pills?

…

So she slept through her alarm, my yelling, and her door opening? I wonder why she felt like she needed to take these… I hope they're over-the-counter. Well, I'd better wake her up.

I sit my phone on her nightstand before I go to Sayori and push on her shoulder.

"Hey! Sayori! Time to wake up."

     Sayori: "Mmm, no…"

Sounds like she's dreaming. I shove her shoulder again.

     "Sayori, you overslept. C'mon, get up."

     " Sob sob"

Are those tears? Sayori's having a nightmare! Those pills definitely worked.

"Don't go~ sob sob "

This needs to end. I really hope she's decent under the blanket.

I grab her shoulders and shake her.

     "SAYORI, WAKE UP!"

     "H-Huh?! UWA-!"

She quickly shoves me as hard as she can, pushing me and making me trip on myself to the floor.

"M-MC?! W-What are you doing here? W-what time is it?!"

I get up.

     "It's 10 o'clock, Sayori. You were having a nightmare."

Sayori puts her hand on her button down pajama shirt where her heart is, shine in her eyes from the wetness. 

Was it that bad? I can understand. I've had dreams like that before. They can disrupt your whole sleep schedule.

"Are you ok, Sayori?"

She slowly develops tears again and starts crying into her hands. 

"Sayori-"

I sit beside her, and hug her while she's still sitting up right in her bed.

I feel like this is the best thing to do. I shouldn't limit Xander's advice to just Yuri. I need to be a friend.

     "HU- HU- HU- HUUuuu- BWAAAaaaa~~"

     " Sniff - It's ok, Sayori."

I can't stand seeing Sayori in pain like this. She's making me cry. I wish I could take the sadness and put it all on me. Sayori doesn’t deserve mornings like this.

I cry with her for a minute, and I finally compose myself and let Sayori continue. 

What could she have dreamt to make her react like this? This is horrible! I can't do much to help, but I hate to see my best friend suffer.

…

Sayori cries for a solid five minutes! 

I'm so sorry, Sayori. Could I have stopped this? What if I had walked home with her yesterday? The thought of this being a regular occurrence is giving me a low pain in my chest.

     “ Sniff”

Sayori is eventually reduced to weak whimpers. Out of nowhere, she hugs me back super tightly.

“I’m sob sorry, MC. I’m so embarrassed~”

     “Don’t be, Sayori. I’m here. It’s over.”

My words are hardly my own, as I’m simply repeating things that I’ve heard told to other kids. I never knew how to handle situations like this. I can only hope that these words can mean anything right now, but I still want to do what Dr. Xander said and be kind to those with trouble, Sayori included.

I hand Sayori the half-empty cup of water off her nightstand. She chugs the whole thing down in seconds.

“Are you feeling better now?”

     “I… sniff I don’t know…”

     “We can wait to do the festival stuff later if you want.”

     “No, I want to do that.”

     “Right now?”

     “Mhm…”

…

     “Are you sure?”

     “Yes.”

     “Alright, let’s go…”

As I walk out the door, Sayori is still half under her blanket.

“You coming?”

    “Uh, MC… I’m not wearing pants.”

Sayori’s legs were covered through that whole ordeal. My face turns red at the revelation.

     “O-Oh jeez, I-I’m sorry, I-”

     “Hehehe, you’re so funny, MC.”

Her laugh is genuine, if a bit low.

I just close the door and leave my best friend to change. I head back down to the living room, avoiding the demon couch. 

     “What happened there? That must’ve been some nightmare. It was probably so real. Poor Sayori…”

And what was with those sleeping pills? Does she need them? Has she been taking them? Since they put her out so well, I’d assume that this is a recent thing.

Sayori comes down stairs in a pink t-shirt and blue shorts.

“Are you alright?”

Sayori just nods.

I shouldn’t talk about it, but is it good for her to keep it all bottled up?

“Well, I’m here for you if you need me, even if I can’t do much.”

Sayori slowly approaches me.

     “You’ve done enough, MC.”

Sayori wraps her arms around me again. This hug feels more meaningful. I can’t really explain it, but I hug back.

We hold it for a few seconds before Sayori lets go.

     “You ready to work on the festival?”

She’s returned to her normal cheery status, kinda suddenly if you ask me.

     “Yep, you got the stuff for the bags?”

     “Mhm, I got it all yesterday.”

     “Alright, what do you need me to do?”

Sayori gets out several grocery bags.

     “Just put one of everything in a little plastic baggy and tie them up.”

     “Seems easy enough-”

     “I’m going to make some posters, and I’ll help you when I’m done.”

     “How many bags do we need?”

     “Until you run out of stuff.”

A quick look at these bags suggests that this will take a while. There’s a ton of pens, chocolates, bookmarks, little papers with quotes on them, and Chinese finger traps… of course.

“Yeah it’s not much, but it’s all I could afford.”

     “I’m sure Monika could’ve helped you with that if you asked, Sayori. Heck, I could’ve helped you with that!”

     “Oh no, I wouldn’t have felt right doing that. It was my idea after all.”

     “It was a pretty good idea at that.”

     “That’s because I’m the smartest, ever!”

     “Oh yeah? What’s E to the i π plus 1?”

…

     “Apple Pie!”

     “Pfffft! HAHAHAhahaha!”

     “Hehe hahahaha!”

     “I did not expect that, hehe.”

     “Hehe, now I’m hungry.”

     “Oh yeah, I guess you didn’t have breakfast did you? Want me to make you some eggs again? I swear they’ll be better this time.”

     “No, you’ve been too nice to me, MC. I’ll make some food.”

     “Let me at least make some toast. We’ll be a chef duo.”

     “OO yeah, that sounds fun! The great Sayori and MC: here to make the most delicious meals in history!”

     “W-We’re just making eggs and toast, Sayori.”

     “No! The BEST eggs and toast!”

     “Whatever you say.”

It’s so much easier to have fun with Sayori. She’s so laid back. Hopefully I can take her mind off of whatever that nightmare was about.

Sayori makes eggs and I make some toast, again, better than last time. It looks like Sayori knows more about making eggs than I do. They turned out great: all yellow and fluffy. I can't wait to try them.

We get our food organized on our plates and chow down at a little table she has in between the living area and the kitchen. 

Food stuffed in her mouth, Sayori tries to speak.

     "Hee Mshee."

     "Chew first, Sayori, ya doof."

     " Swallow Meanie…"

     "Heheheh."

     "... You know, you promised…"

     "Promised what?"

     "That you would tell me about you. We've never talked about where you went after your parents split."

     "I thought you changed your mind."

     "No, I care about you, and I'm dying to know where you went. I tried calling you, y'know."

     "Y-You did?"

     "Yes, but they wouldn't let me!"

Sayori got very angry all of a sudden.

"I still remember. 'We're sorry, but he's unavailable.' Every. TIME! I just wanted to talk to my best friend!"

     "Hey hey, Sayori, calm down. It's alright. I'm here now , aren't I?"

Sayori takes a deep breath.

     "Yeah, but grr, it was so frustrating…"

     "I bet. I know I would've been mad if a bunch of medical nimrods refused to let me talk to you. I mean, they didn't even tell me! Why wouldn't they just let me talk to you- OVER THE PHONE ?! WHO CARES ABOUT THE PHONE ?!"

The reality sets in. You mean to tell me I could've kept in contact with Sayori that whole time, but they wouldn't LET ME?!

     "After a while I called again and they said you were moved, but they wouldn't tell me where."

     "Are you KIDDING ME-!"

I slam my fist down on the wooden table in raw anger.

     " GASP"

Sayori let's out a shocked gasp. When I look at her, she seems momentarily scared. I get a grip on myself and cool it.

     "I-I'm sorry Sayori. I just-... exhale . I missed you, and they wouldn't let me talk to you."

Sayori gets up from her seat next to me and suddenly grips me in a hug.

     "But you're back, MC. I missed you too."

After hugging her back for a moment, I try to lighten the mood.

     "Heh, is today hug day?"

Sayori tightens her grip to the point where it's hard to breathe.

     "Yes, and you can't escape it!"

     "I didn't say I would try… but it's getting hard to breathe."

She lets her vice grip go.

We look at each other with goofy grins.

     "Hehehe…

     "Heheh…"

"Y-Yeah, I guess we should start the festival stuff. I'll tell you everything while we work."

     "Okie!"

We begin getting out all the supplies and creating our festival contributions. Luckily, my job is simple enough to allow me to talk at the same time.

     "Well, I woke up one day in a hospital. I still have no idea why, but I think something happened to my head, because I remember having the worst headache in my life. I was there for a few months. So many scans and tests were done, I'm surprised I didn't turn into a superhero or something."

     "Hehe, Super MC."

     "I got a therapist during that time. He used to be stern, but we're good friends now. They refused to tell me what was wrong and why I was there."

     "That sounds illegal."

     "Probably, but my mom didn't tell me either, so… They finally moved me to a small living space to clear up the hospital room. It was supposed to be there for patients waiting for transfer, but I was there for even more months. They kept doing all these crazy scans on my head. I must've had a head injury, but they wouldn't tell me. I also saw my therapist, Dr. Xander, a lot- three to five times a week. I got so bored that I actually started to care about my school work. I started reading the material for fun ."

     "Eeeww"

     "Hey, that stuff is actually kinda interesting. I really like science now. I learned how to make a bomb out of a home heating system."

     "EH?!~ A BOMB?!"

     "Yeah, but uhh- they didn't like that I was looking up how to make bombs on the internet, haha. They made me stop using it entirely. Makes sense, I guess, but they couldn't take my science books away. Anyway, mom was gone too. She insisted many times that I treat these people, especially Xander, like I would treat my parents- with respect and obedience. Every time I did see her, it was the same old thing. ‘Have you been listening to Dr. Xander? Have you done what your caretakers told you?’ She started drinking and smoking a lot too. After my thirteenth birthday, they finally moved me to an orphanage.”

     "Orphanage? But you have parents."

     "Dr. Xander told me that my parents were divorced. I didn't know what to think, but life didn't change for a while. Scans, homework, therapy, it felt like it never ended. Mom was always working, since dad wasn't going to provide anymore. They were both only children as well, with no siblings. I still don't know who was paying for all those services."

Sayori adopts a somber attitude.

     "So, you made lots of friends, right?"

     "Well, yeah, but I'd be lucky if they lasted a year there. This place was… different."

     "How?"

     "Well… it was for… mentally challenged children."

     "Eh? So you mean kids with mental illnesses?"

     "Yeah…"

     "Why did they put you there of all places? Why couldn't you just go home?"

     "I was only thirteen. I couldn't take care of myself, but I have no idea why I was in a house full of mentally challenged kids. I started seeing Xander less and less over time. Now I only see him once a month. My mom started seeing him too, actually. She only just recently stopped smoking, but she still drinks."

     "I hate to hear that your mom was doing those things. Those are addictive and deadly. I can't even imagine such a sweet woman doing something like that."

     "Yeah, the divorce hit her hard. She's just a workaholic now. I was at that home for four years. They didn't give me any liberties until I was sixteen. I wasn't allowed to come back home until I was seventeen, and they only let me do that because they wanted to send me to a real school. I'm lucky they chose the same high school as you."

     “MC, that sounds awful! I can’t imagine going through something like that. No parents and strangers taking care of you- and they didn’t let you do anything. I would go insane!”

     “It’s really not as big of a deal as it sounds, Sayori. I just lived life in different places. I still did schoolwork, played games, watched anime, all that good stuff. I was just always confused, but I was never really scared or sad. I was kinda upset that mom wasn’t around very much, but the people taking care of me were nice- so that softened the blow.”

     "Oh, well I’m glad to hear that….I can't believe I didn't catch you in school for the first two weeks."

     "Yeah sorry, I kinda hopped in and out fast. And that's all I know. That's the story. I didn't tell you because I didn't think Xander wanted me telling people these things."

Sayori's face is glowing red a little bit.

     "Y-You… you trust me that much, MC?"

     "W-Well… o-of course I do."

My face is glowing from embarrassment.

"You're my best friend, right?"

     "I'm so glad you're back, MC! I had no idea you were going through so much."

     "That's ok, Sayori. It's not like they were helping with good communication or anything."

     "Was it your therapist you were gonna ask about Yuri?"

     "Oh jeez! I completely forgot about Yuri, and I'm seeing her today."

     "MC!"

     "W-What? I was focused on you."

She's glowing and smiling again.

"Y-You know what I mean!"

     "Hehehe, I love watching you get flustered."

     "But yeah, the only thing he told me is to just be kind. Be a friend. So just… do what we've been doing, I guess."

     "I can do that!"

     "I know, and you do it well, haha."

Sayori stops working for a moment and looks off into space.

     "Hey, Sayori."

I snap my fingers in front of her face.

     "Huh?!"

     "You awake?"

     "Y-Yeah, I'm fine."

She continues her work without saying anything else.

…

By the time she's finished with her posters, Sayori helps me with the few remaining bags. 

…

Once we finish, we take a look at our handiwork.

-Two posters for the front of the club door

-Four posters for the hallways to promote the club

-Sixty goodie bags for the other students

     "We did a good job. Those posters look awesome, Sayori!"

     "Thanks, MC. You did great with the bags."

The bags themselves are small, clear bags with different colored polka dots.

     "Thanks Sayori…"

I wonder if I should bring up the nightmare situation…

I look at the clock next to the living room TV.

1:35

Gah, I need to get home and tidy up the place, though not much needs to be done. No reason to leave on a sour note.

"Do you want me to take the bags?"

     "Yeah, let me go get a box."

Sayori goes upstairs.

I just realized- I might need to make more than one trip to school on Monday, depending on what Yuri and Natsuki give me. Great…

Yuri

…

'Be a friend?' I just don't feel like that's enough. I feel the need to do more, but I don't know what. Best to just do what Xander said. He knows what he's doing, and I don't, plain and simple. If I start changing my behavior, Sayori might do it too, and we'll make things worse.

Sayori comes down with a big cardboard box that has handles.

"Here we go!"

She throws the box next to our stuff. 

It doesn't take long for us to get as many bags in there as possible. It's not quite all in there, but Sayori agreed to take the rest with her posters.

     "I got to go now, Sayori. Yuri will be over in a few minutes."

     "It was nice of you to help everyone, MC. You really like the others, right?"

     "W-Well yeah, don't ask me weird questions like that all of a sudden."

     "I'm glad…"

She looks sad out of nowhere.

     "Y-Yeah… they're great, but you'll always be my best friend."

Sayori appears shocked, both in a good and bad way at the same time, somehow.

We stand there awkwardly for a few seconds.

     "I-... I'm going to go get some food. I'll see you later, MC."

     "O-Ok, see you later."

There's that feeling of deja vu I felt yesterday. What was that about? I'm so close to remembering!

…

Dang it! It's gone.

Whatever, I've got to get home and get ready for Yuri.

I grab the box of bags and head home.

Chapter Text

The cleanup didn’t take long, as I suspected. And right on queue, I hear the doorbell ring.

I open up the door to see Yuri with a big bag filled to the brim with stuff. She's wearing a beige sweater and black pants. I notice that her arms are conveniently covered by the long sleeves.

     MC: “H-Hey Yuri, here let me get that.”

I take the heavy bag off her hands.

     Yuri: “Thank you, MC. Such a gentleman. ”

     “Hm?”

     “O-Oh! N-Nothing!”

     “Alright, come on in.”

I sit the bag of supplies on the living room couch.

Yuri looks around, curiously.

     "Your home is quite lovely, MC."

     "Thank you, Yuri."

     "Where is your mother?"

     "She'll be home on Tuesday. She's a busy woman."

     "Ah, I understand. I just figured I would have to meet her. I was mentally preparing for it."

If mom caught Yuri here, she would probably flip out. Although, Xander gave me the go ahead to be around others, so I guess it wouldn't be too bad.

     "Can I ask you something?"

     "Of course!"

She seems happy today.

     "Y-You don't have to answer, but why did you want to do this at my house, specifically?"

     "Oh, umm… I-I just, don't have enough space for these big projects! That's all!"

Ooookay, on the 'lying tier list', I'm putting Yuri and Sayori at F, Natsuki at A, and Monika is yet to be determined. I don't mind doing it here, I just find it odd that Yuri preferred my house to her own. I figured she would be more comfortable there.

     "Oh, we need lots of space?"

     "Yes, I don't believe this room will be big enough."

     "Well my mom's room is probably the biggest, but we can't go there. I guess my room is the next biggest room with the most floor space."

With the couch and ottoman, it would be a hassle to clear space out.

     "I'd like to see, if you don't mind."

She grabs the bag and starts moving up the stairs, randomly assuming that my room is even up there.

     "U-Uh first room on the right!"

Yuri is definitely energetic today. I catch up to her, and she's already put the bag down in my room.

     "Yes, this is perfect."

     "Did you drink coffee before you got here, Yuri?"

     "Oh, I don't drink coffee."

She starts unloading the bag.

She's definitely acting weird. I'm not sure I like it.

     "Hey, Yuri?"

     "Yes, MC?"

She doesn't even look at me.

     "Yuri?"

She finally looks up at me.

     "Yes?"

     "Are you ok? You're really energetic, and it's kinda-"

Don't say 'weird'.

"-throwing me off a little."

     "I-I d-don't know what you're talking about, MC."

     "Do me a favor, will you?"

Yuri appears confused, but ready to agree.

"Take a deep breath."

     "Why?"

     "I don't think that's too demanding."

Yuri is taken aback by my straightforward attitude.

Yuri breathes in through her nose…

And breathes out through her mouth.

The result is her sitting herself on my bed and breathing like she just got through with a jog.

"Are you alright?"

She continues with more deep breathing.

     "Y-Yes, I am well. I didn't mean to alarm you."

     "Then what's wrong? Why are you so tired all of a sudden?"

     "I-I… um… you won't make fun of me will you, MC?"

She sounds like this is life and death. I hope she's alright.

     "Of course not, Yuri."

     "Well, I-..."

Yuri takes a moment to gather her thoughts while fiddling with her hair.

"I was trying to be more like Sayori."

     "Huh?! You wanted to be like Sayori? Why?"

     "There are a few reasons… I wasn't sure if your mother would be present- so I wanted to appear more confident."

She mentioned my mom down stairs. Does she find her opinion that important? Is she treating this like some kind of relationship thing?

"The other reason is because I was just too nervous. I'm a mess…"

     "No Yuri, you're not a mess. You're just different."

     "I appreciate your kind words, MC, but I really am a mess. I attempted to change my entire persona out of panic."

I'm not sure what to say. She may have tried to be someone she's not, but that doesn't make her a bad person. I have to say something .

     "I mean, Sayori isn't perfect, Yuri."

Yuri looks slightly offset by my words.

"Neither you or me are perfect either. I think it's best to just embrace who you are. Life will be far more simple if you accept that."

Yuri takes some time to process what I said. Meanwhile, I look at the open bag full of interesting things. Origami paper, a giant paper roll, paint tablets and brushes, and an odd wooden thing. 

I pick it up and inspect it. It looks familiar, but I can't recall.

     “A-Ah, have you ever used a diffuser?”

Oh! That’s why it looked familiar.

     “I’ve never used one, but I knew someone who did.”

     “This will be essential for creating a much more pleasant atmosphere.”

Yuri turns on the device and a thin vapor comes out the top. 

     “What’s in it?”

     “This is a jasmine oil. It can be used to create a positive atmosphere. Relaxation, energy, romance- it can be used to change the feeling of the air itself. Feel it permeate your skin.”

…

I do feel a bit more relaxed. This stuff is cool, actually.

     "That's a really great idea, Yuri. I can feel the effects already."

Yuri smiles, seemingly forgetting her troubles just a moment ago.

     "Thank you, MC. I wanted to create an atmosphere that will make an impression. When they realize how relaxed the air is, they will likely want to return. We're also going to cover a few of the windows with thin colored sheets to change the clubroom's visual atmosphere as well. Considering most people don't use essential oil diffusers, this will be an interesting experience for visitors."

     “Wow, you really know what you’re doing with this stuff.”

Yuri looks bashful as she twirls her hair.

     “These are just things I’ve discovered online really, aside from the diffuser. It can be used to reduce negative emotions, such as anxiety."

Huh, I need to get myself one.

     “What other things do you have planned for the festival?”

Yuri pulls out the red ribbon and a few different colored markers.

     “I’m going to slice the ribbon into thin strips. As for the origami paper, we’re not going to be making origami with it. Instead, we’ll use it to write different kanji letters and connect them to the ribbons to make a door curtain.”

Wow, I would never have thought of this stuff. Yuri can really get the ball rolling when she puts her own insecurities aside.

     “Once again, great idea Yuri. I’m assuming you want me to write the kanji.”

     “If you don’t mind.”

     “Nope, don’t mind at all.”

Just as I get started on the first piece of paper, Yuri pulls out a decorated pocket knife from her bag. She grabs the first piece of ribbon, and the knife cuts through it like air. 

The knife itself is a very shiny and metallic red. The whole piece is slightly curved. This must be the knife that she uses to-... wait, wasn’t it blue in Sayori's retelling?

“That’s no ordinary pocket knife.”

     “O-Oh, so you noticed. U-Um… I have an embarrassing confession. Will you promise not to make fun of me?”

…

     “Y-Yeah, I promise.”

Yuri doesn’t look too convinced at my half-response. What am I supposed to say? I just don’t want to promise anything when I know she needs help.

     “N-Nevermind, perhaps later…”

Yuri goes into complete lock-down mode as she continues cutting the ribbons in silence.

I begin writing kanji letters on the origami paper.

We both work in an awkward silence that is only barely put off by the diffuser. 

I don’t want to ruin the day just because I know something I’m not supposed to know. Should I come clean? NO! Dr. Xander said to just be nice, be a friend to her.

…

Yuri completes her ribbon cutting before I get done with the writing, and the silent tension grows as I see her fidgeting out of the corner of my eye.

     “Y-Yuri?”

Yuri snaps her head up either as a startled reaction or desperation.

     “Y-Yes?!”

     “Um, want something to drink?”

     “I-I don’t want to be a burden.”

     “It’s no problem. I’ll get something.”

I leave the room and head back downstairs. I swear we had some tea somewhere. My mom used to drink it, but I never cared up to this point.

After searching through my kitchen cabinets, I find a small box of green tea bags in the back. I get a tea kettle out and put it on the stove. I may be socially dense, but I know how to boil water.

…

Some time later, I bring Yuri a cup of green tea, as well as a sugar pack if she wants it.

“Here we are.”

I hand her the cup of hot tea, and take my own.

     “Thank you, MC.”

We quietly take sips of our tea in silence, but the tension from earlier is somewhat relieved. 

     “Hey, Yuri?”

     “Hm?”

     “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier.”

     “No, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have asked in the first place.”

     “You don’t need to tell me anything that you don’t want to.”

     “I appreciate you saying that.”

But the truth will have to come out eventually.

Yuri takes another sip of tea, with more confidence in her movement.

“Would you like me to help you finish?”

     “Sure, that would make things quicker.”

We put our tea cups on my table where I typically do my homework, and finish up the kanji letters. We quickly glue them to the ribbon and carefully put them on my bed to dry.

I’m kinda curious about the knife…

“Hey Yuri? Could I take a look at that knife you were using?”

     “O-Oh, w-well I don’t see why not.”

She relinquishes the handle to me with the blade still contained.

It’s a very heavy, sturdy feeling piece. I hit the small mechanism as the spring loaded blade extends. This knife is pretty cool actually. I can see the appeal. 

Out of instinct, I touch the tip of the blade with my index finger to test its sharpness. 

     “Ow-!”

The blade is so sharp that merely grazing it causes me to begin bleeding.

     “MC-!! Why did you do that?!”

     Yuri gasps in a momentary panic.

     “I didn’t expect it to be that sharp! I barely touched it at all.”

     “I-It’s my fault! I should’ve warned you… This knife is extremely sharp. It can cut through skin like it’s paper. Oh no…”

A small amount of blood trickles down my finger.

Yuri takes my hand and examines the wound. Her sudden reaction throws me off a bit. I can see her noticeably fidgeting.

“It can cut through skin like paper.”

I can’t help but shiver at the thought of why Yuri would know this. I even get a little cold at the thought.

     “I-I can go wash it off real qui- A-Ah!”

Without warning, Yuri put my finger in her mouth and licks the wound. I feel her tongue swirling around my finger. 

Startled, I instinctively pull back.

     “O-Oh… P-Please forgive me! I wasn’t thinking! I-...”

Yuri's eyes widen in an instant, like she was in a trance. Her face becomes redder than the sun as she looks down.

     “Yuri…”

     “That’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done… How could I do something like that?? I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

     “Ah…”

Sure it was a little weird, and it took me by surprise… but she was just trying to help, right?

“Yuri, I think you’re overreacting a little…”

     “Uuuh…”

She doesn’t lift her head. I thought the knife thing was bad, but what if she doesn’t recover from this for the rest of the day? 

This may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done but- 

I grab Yuri’s finger and lick it. She reacts similarly to me, pulling her finger back.

     “M-MC!- Did you really just do that?”

     “N-Now we’re even…”

     “...”

Yuri looks at me like I’ve just committed a crime.

     “A-Ah, I knew that would be a bad idea…”

The warmth comes back to my body very fast. The jasmine aroma is the only thing alleviating the heavy air right now.

     “You’re so weird, MC.”

Yuri giggles shyly.

She’s calling me weird? I can’t come up with a response to that.

“Where do you keep your bandages?”

     “Oh, it’s ok, I don’t need one. See, it’s already stopped bleeding.”

     “Ah, that’s a relief.”

The tension is alleviated. Maybe doing stupid things isn’t always a bad idea. It worked with Natsuki and now Yuri.

“A-Anyway, we’re going to need several cups for some paint tablets I’ve brought.”

     “How many?”

     “Six should suffice. Be careful not to fill them up too much or the paint will be diluted.”

     “Gotcha.”

I head downstairs to grab six plastic cups and fill them with a little bit of water.

Phew, my head was starting to get dizzy back there.

Once I head back into the room, Yuri swiftly rolls her sleeves down in a quick panicked movement. 

     “O-Oh, I see you’re back.”

I stand in stunned silence, looking at her arms. Was she just-? No, there’s no way she was doing that here. That would be far too risky. Maybe she was just thinking about it. 

Yuri… What could push you to resort to something so horrid?

“A-Ah, MC… you’re staring…”

Yuri grins loosely and glows red.

What did she think I was looking at? Are her arms bleeding as we speak?

Urmh- 

I can’t think about that, or I’ll get noticeably sick.

     “Y-Yeah, yeah I’m back.”

I sit the cups on the floor and Yuri puts six different paint tablets in them.

     “I’d like to create a banner. The colors will blend into each other to create a daylight cycle effect and will look very nice with the window covers.”

     “You’re just full of good ideas, aren’t you?”

     “Like I said, I can’t take the credit for the ideas, but thank you anyway.”

Yuri shows me how to paint the banners multiple blends, and we get to work. The oranges mixing into the blues is a pretty sight, and it will definitely add to the clubrooms atmosphere. 

     “This reminds me a lot of elementary school.”

     “Oh? Is this too childish for you?”

     “O-Oh n-no, that’s not what I meant. I mean, it’s just relaxing and fun, y’know?”

     “I agree. Personally, I don’t need to go out and do overly exciting things with a group to have fun. I prefer quality over quantity with my company, and I enjoy this just the way it is.”

     “Glad you’re having fun. It’s been years since I’ve done anything like this with a friend, even Sayori.”

Yuri goes red again, but with a silly grin.

     “I’m glad we’re friends, MC.”

She can’t maintain eye contact anymore.

“O-oh my, I’m embarrassed.”

     “Haha, t-that’s ok, Yuri.”

We both reach for a brush in the orange paint and hit our heads together.

     Both: “Ow!”

     Yuri: “I-I’m sorry, are you ok?”

     MC: “Yeah, don’t worry, I’m fine.”

     “I-it’s my fault. I should’ve asked you to hand it to me.”

     “Uh oh-”

It seems like some paint from the brush she was already holding got on her face.

“Some paint got on your face. Hang on, I'll go get a hot rag real quick.“

I run to the bathroom and get a rag run under hot water. 

When I return, I kneel down in front of Yuri and gently place the rag on her face.

     "Ah-!"

I pull back.

     "I'm sorry, is it too hot?"

     "N-no it's fine. I just need to get used to it."

I wipe the paint off her face and start to retract my hand.

"Wait-"

Yuri grabs my hand and keeps the rag on her face.

"Just a little longer…"

I'm stuck touching Yuri's face through the rag. She closes her eyes for a moment, seemingly relaxed under the warmth and effect of the diffuser oil.

When she opens them, she looks directly into my eyes and I into hers. We stare into each other's eyes and seem to get lost. Her purple eyes are beautiful as they hypnotize me. 

Yuri… is beautiful. 

…

Yuri starts leaning forward with her eyes closed. 

N-No! I can't-

I pull back with the rag as well.

     "S-Sorry…"

     "O-Oh yes, m-my apologies…"

     “…”

     “...”

     "I guess we should finish the banner."

     "Y-Yes, let's."

We begin painting again.

…

The awkward atmosphere clears over time as we continue the banner.

I can’t say that we aren’t somewhat joyous after that close call, but I don't know what we were doing there. I just wanted to get close to all the girls. I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of relationship. I barely know how to be friends. And if something went wrong, how would Yuri cope? I'm afraid it would be the blade. Wait, how will she cope after today ? I hope she doesn't cut after all the awkwardness. I don’t know if I can stop myself. I know Xander said not to, but… is that a risk I’m willing to take? Besides, I distinctly remember being told that talking about mental issues with someone won’t make the problem worse. So why did Xander tell me to stay silent about it?

I look up to see Yuri painting away. She seems happy and content with the current situation. Am I ready to possibly ruin it?

…

If she really was about to cut earlier, it must not take much. I don’t know… but I could support her far easier if we were both aware. 

I glance at her arms.

Blood trickling down-

The sharp pain-

“ Ghhhh ”

     “Are you alright, MC?”

It’s now or never. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the guts to talk to her again. 

Yuri…

I’m doing this for your own good.

     “Y-Yeah ummm…H-Hey Yuri…?”

My heart starts beating faster- NO, push through!

“Um, I need to tell you something.”

She adopts a more serious and concerning look.

     “U-Um, very well, what is it?”

Thump Thump

Don’t hesitate.

     “I’ve, uh, n-noticed things about you.”

Her face glows a very light red.

     “W-What kinds of things?”

I take a deep breath in a vain attempt to slow my heart down.

Thump Thump

     “Yuri, I grew up in a pretty unorthodox setting. I lived in a home that was meant for orphans. Not just orphans though, kids with problems, mental health issues.”

     “Oh my…”

     “Through six years of being around them, I’ve learned how to pick up on certain things.”

Yuri holds her arms up close to her chest and turns a little more red.

Thump-Thump

“Yuri I-... I think I have some idea of what you’re going through, even though I have no personal experience.”

     “W-well, it’s true that I… am socially inept. B-But I wouldn’t call that a mental illness, per se. Besides, you seem to have plenty of experience with that yourself. N-Not to insult you in any way! I just, umm, wh-what I meant was-!”

I lift my hand up to stop her. 

     “It’s ok Yuri. I get it. You’re right. I’m not great with people either. I just get by, heh. But that isn’t what I was talking about.”

Yuri is in panic mode. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, eyes, mouth, or hair. All she can do is wrap it around her hands. I can’t say my heart rate is doing much better.

Thump-Thump

I pick up the red knife. It’s in a safety lock-down mode to keep it from springing up.

“You said that it can cut through skin like paper?”

Yuri just frantically nods.

Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump

NO, don’t stop now!

“Yuri, I can’t even pretend to know what’s going through your head, but… I’m here. I don’t want to see my friend suffer... Yuri?"

Yuri just looks at me, dreading what I'll say next.

"I know about your cutting, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I want to be your friend, and I want to help you."

     "H-How did y-you- did Sayori-?!"

     "No! I knew before Sayori figured it out, don't worry. But it was taking a toll on Sayori's mind. She cried for you, and she didn't know what to do."

Yuri starts hyperventilating !

     "No, not again! I'm sorry! I'm not a freak! P-Please, don't hate me!"

I have to grab her shoulders and look her dead in the eyes to get her to focus on slowing down her breath.

     "Yuri, it's ok! Calm down! I'm here! I don't think you're a freak! Deep breaths!"

     "B-B-But- I-"

Yuri grips her own arms like a vice to try and contain herself.

“Th-This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

     “Yuri, focus! Just breathe…”

I breathe in through my nose to guide her out of her frantic state. She responds by breathing deep through her nose. I breathe out, and she does the same. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

She finally starts taking deep breaths by herself. I use my memory of the home to continue her transition.

"It's alright. You're safe here. No one can hurt you. Be yourself here. Deeeeep breaths."

Yuri lets out her final breath.

I begin to massage her shoulders from the front. I’m hoping it will release tension and calm her down.

…

After the longest minutes of my life pass by, Yuri speaks, and I let go.

     "I-I… I’m ok. I'm sorry for being such a pain." 

     "You're not a pain, Yuri. It would have been far easier for me to not say anything."

     "Y-Yes, I suppose this is true, but I trusted Sayori not to tell anybody."

     "It's not her fault, Yuri. I knew before she walked in on you, and I knew there weren't many reasons for Sayori to get as sick as she did that day."

     “I-I see… How did you know?”

     “At first it was just coincidence, but you started reflecting the habits of people I knew that also self-harmed. Then the racoon poem. Then the Sayori incident. I kinda always suspected it.”

     “I-I don’t know what to say. I try to stop. I want to stop, but every time I feel like I have nowhere else to go. I only have the blade.”

     “You have here.”

     “H-Huh?”

     “Yuri, if you ever feel the urge to cut, call me, or just come here. I promise you’ll feel much better, and I won’t tell Monika and definitely not Natsuki.”

‘Promise’ is a strong word.

     “I-I…”

She picks up her knife and looks at it in silence.

…

     “I don’t know…”

     “It’s ok, Yuri. I understand. We can just forget about the whole thing if you want.”

     “Thank you, MC, but… that’s unrealistic.”

     “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

…

The new longest minutes of my life are once again broken by Yuri.

     “May I ask you something?”

     “Sure.”

     “You said you lived in an orphanage, but your mother is still around, is she not?”

Maybe having something different to talk about will help her for the moment. 

     “Yeah. Honestly, Yuri, there are things I still don’t know. All I know is that she was very busy after she and my dad divorced. She couldn't take care of me at eleven years old.”

     “I’m sorry to hear that.”

     “Thanks, Yuri, but I learned to just adapt.”

     “What was it like?”

     “What was what like?”

     “The orphanage- A place where everyone can relate to one another and show understanding based on sympathy for one's condition.”

That seems to get her spirits up; unfortunately it’s not that simple.

     “It wasn’t that good. There were still kids who had it better than others, and that made them feel superior. Bullying was still present, but it got squished pretty quickly. Most of the kids were fine with me since I couldn’t be diagnosed with anything.”

     “It doesn’t sound too different from everywhere else.”

Yuri looks more down, assuming if hope didn’t exist for these kids.

     “Oh no, not at all. It was still far better than everywhere else. I’m just saying it wasn’t some kind of paradise. Besides, I think it’s impossible for schoolwork to exist in paradise, heheh.”

Yuri gives a small smile in response to my joke.

     “May I get a bit personal?”

     “Mhm”

     “Why did your parents divorce? I-If you don’t mind my asking.”

I don’t know. I never knew. It’s not like my dad didn’t like me. We played games. He helped me with my homework. We all ate at the table together. We laughed. 

     “I have absolutely no idea.”

     “Oh, well, alright then. Sorry to pressure you.”

     “It wasn’t really pressure, but I’ll forgive you.”

     “I suppose everyone has their secrets.”

     “Yeah… Y’know Yuri, I only confessed to help you. I’m not here to call you out or judge you. I just want to assure you that you can be open with me, even though we really haven’t known each other that long.”

I’ve never cared so much for someone’s personal problems in my life. Hearing about Yuri’s cutting just stung more than anything at the orphanage.

     “Thank you, MC. I think we’ll be fine as long as you don’t tell anyone else.”

     “I promise.”

That’s a promise I can keep.

     “ Thank you. Shall we finish the banner?”

     “Let’s do it!”

…

A little more time passes and we finish up the banner that reflects the day-night cycle.

“This looks great.”

     “I agree. I can’t wait to transform the clubroom into a whole new feeling.”

     “I can’t wait to see the result. This’ll be the best presentation in the school.”

     “Well, I doubt that, but it will be good.”

Yuri pulls out her phone.

“O-Oh my-!! I must get going! It’s very late.”

     “What time is it?”

     “Eight o’clock”

     “Oh jeez! That’s a whole hour later than you predicted! Guess time flies when you’re having fun.”

     “Yes, but I really must leave!”

She packs her things up and leaves the banner on the floor.

“The banner needs to dry, so I assume I can trust you to bring it on Monday?”

     “Yep, I got it.”

     “I’ll leave the door curtain here as well, just in case it hasn’t quite dried yet.”

     “Alright…”

...

We both want to address the elephant in the room, but don’t know what to say.

     “Uh, about what we discussed, I uh-”

     “I-I know. I’ll try to stop.”

Yuri gives me a genuine smile that warms my heart. Maybe this was the right thing to do after all. 

     “Thanks, Yuri.”

I see her to the door and out to the street.

“It’s getting kinda dark. Would you like me to walk you home?”

     “Thank you for the offer, MC, but I’ll be ok. I don’t live too terribly far from here.”

     “Ok, just remember what I said. Feel free to call or visit anytime. I mean it.”

     “I’ll remember that. Goodbye, MC. I’ll see you on Monday.”

     “See ya… GAASP ”

I turn around and see Sayori standing not too far from me like a ghost.

“Geez Sayori!”

My heart is beating way faster than it should be right now.

     Sayori: “So you have her number, huh?”

“I have all of the club member’s numbers, remember?”

“Oh yeah, hehe. Did you guys have fun? She’s been here a while.”

“Oh yeah, we had fun. She managed to stay composed, heheh.”

“I’m glad…”

She seems to get down whenever we talk about other people. Is she jealous? No, there’s no way Sayori of all people would be jealous. She gets to hang out with me pretty often anyway.

“Are you ok, Sayori?”

“Y-.... N-no… I thought about my dreams again, and I got lonely.”

“I’m sorry, Sayori. Want to come in? You can see the banner me and Yuri made.”

“Ooo! Yes please!”

I decide to hold off on telling her about the conversation me and Yuri had about her cutting. Right now priority goes to cheering up Sayori.

I reach for the phone in my pocket to check the ti-... I don’t have my phone.

     “Hey Sayori, did you see my phone at your house?”

     “Ummm, maybe? I don’t remember if you left it there.”

     “Mind if I go look?”

     “Sure, I don’t mind.”

     “Alright, feel free to go up to my room and look at the banner. I’ll be back in a minute.”

     “Okie~”

I jog back to Sayori’s house to find the door unlocked. What a goof-

Upon inspection, I can’t see my phone in the area we worked at.

…

I’ve lifted pillows, looked in the kitchen, under the couches, and I still can’t find the thing. Alright, what did I do when I got here this morning?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Sayori…you in there?”

I gently open the door.

I sit my phone on her nightstand before I go to Sayori and push on her shoulder.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

     “Oh yeah! I forgot I went up there.”

I trudge along upstairs and go into Sayori’s room, largely unchanged except for a made up bed. Glad to see she’s putting in the effort. I grab my phone off of Sayori’s nightstand. Mr. Cow looks at me from under the foot of the bed. 

“Heh, I can’t believe she kept you in such good shape.”

I pick him up off the ground and inspect the plush bovine.

“The irony of your name is hilarious.”

As I start to sit him back down, I notice something sticking out of the bottom of the bed where the animal sat.

It looks like a rope.

I grab the thing and pull it out.

Chapter Text

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Don’t worry about me, MC.’

“You’re too nice to me, MC.”

“You’re getting along with everybody else though, right?”

-an alarm that went off almost two hours ago, a half empty glass of water, and… sleeping pills?

"Wait a second, where are your parents?"

 "O-oh, uhh, th- they’re visiting family for a bit."

"You're too nice to me, MC. I don't deserve it."

“Don’t worry so much about me, MC.”

She’s been using that phrase lately.

“Are you ok today, Sayori?”

“Of course, MC. I’m just tired today is all. Go play with everybody else. I’m going to take a little nap.”

Maybe she is just having an off day. But the more I think about it, the more something feels familiar. I just can’t remember what that something is. It’s a sense of déjà vu that I can’t shake.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

     MC: “This is- no- no no no no- this is a misunderstanding! This isn’t a- It can’t be!”

The rope is in the perfect shape and tightness of a noose, and the rope itself is very thick.

“This has to be for something else, right? She was, uhhh… playing cowgirl?”

Yeah right, she’s immature, but not that much. I can’t rationalize this any other way. This is it! It’s exactly what I think it is!

"I-..."

Tears form, my fists clench around the thick rope, and I shake.

“Sayori is suicidal… my best friend… WHY?! "

My heart is trying to keep up with my emotions as it beats faster, and faster. 

It made so much more sense. Sayori mimicked many of the actions, words, and mindsets of the kids in the children's home. Ninety percent of them were already either depressed or suicidal. How could I not have seen that?! How could I be so damn STUPID?!  

"I-I can't let this happen!"

In my own anger, I move downstairs to get the sharpest knife I can find from the kitchen. I grab any kitchen knife that looks sharp as it shakes in my hand. I move my unsteady hand to cut into the knot enough to make the noose unusable, but not untangle it.

" Why? Why why why?"

*BUUUUUUUUZZZ BUUUUUUUUZZZ*

M-my phone… It's Sayori!

*BEEP* 

"H-hello~"

     Sayori:"Hey, you found it?"

     "WH-WHAT?!"

     "Your phone? You obviously found it, silly. I called it to help you. I guess I thought of that too late, heheh."

     "Y-yeah, I'm~….uh yeah I'm~… I-I'm on my way back~"

     "Ar-"

*BEEP*

     " Exhale… What do I do? I-..."

I'm not sure if I need to be alone, or if I need some company. But either way, I can't be around Sayori. Ugh, my head is spinning. I need to get home. 

I leave Sayori’s house and make my way down the sidewalk. 

How?! How could this happen?! If I ask her about it, she could get worse, but if it’s nothing then it’ll make me feel better. NO! It’s not a risk worth taking. I refuse to take it!

I get this weird feeling, as if I’ve hit my own limit. I want to be more angry with myself, but… I can’t. It feels wrong. Like my brain is hitting a wall with my own emotions. I’ve felt this way before, but…

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“ Let him go, you jerk!”

The yelling did nothing as the teenager punched one of my roommates in the gut repeatedly in the backyard of the home.

He punched him until he fell to his knees and onto the floor. The teen took his money and ran.

I felt angry, but not as much as I wanted to. I just wanted to make sure that my roommate was okay. I wanted to get mad at the stranger. I wanted to strangle him, but my anger wouldn’t flame up. I sat there. I could only reach a certain limit. My roommate laid on the floor, throwing up his own lunch from all the punishment to his stomach.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As I reminisce on the past, my thoughts are interrupted by familiar yelling.

     “MC!”

Sayori meets me on the sidewalk. 

“What took you so long?”

     “I-I…”

How do I get out of this? I’m in no condition to talk normally. I-I can’t- my head hurts…

“S-Sayori I-... I feel really bad all of a sudden. I’m just gonna go to bed and lie down.”

My breath barely catches up with my words as I start to speed walk home. But Sayori doesn't leave my side.   

     “What’s wrong, MC? I don’t want to see my best friend suffer from some pesky sickies. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you.”

     “N-No, please, I just- uuuuhg… my head.”

I hold my head as the back feels like it's thumping against my skull. I’m getting dizzier the longer I think about it- that… thing under Sayori’s bed.

Sayori leads me inside my home and gets me to bed.

     “You just lay down. Do you need me to get you anything? Just say the word.”

     “S-Sayori…”

She’s so sweet, so why does she feel this way? She cares so much for everyone, but how much did we care for her back? Is it our fault? Please tell me! I need to know! I need t o k now …

…

…

…

Uhhhhg… my head…

"H-Huh?"

The sun is shining bright through my window. Last I remember, it was getting dark. What time is it? What happened?

As I struggle to wake up and remember last night, my door suddenly opens. Sayori walks in holding two plates.

     " Gasp! MC! YOU'RE AWAKE!"

She immediately puts the plates on my desk and starts getting up in my face, feeling my forehead, pulse, and asking questions. She's bringing on a headache in the back of my tired brain. 

     "Ah-! Sayori slow down! My head is killing me!"

     "O-Oh, I'm so sorry, MC! I didn't mean to make you hurt."

I work back to remember the last thing that happened.

______________________________________________________________________

"What’s wrong, MC? I don’t want to see my best friend suffer from some pesky sickies."

"I feel really bad all of a sudden."

"What took you so long?"

Uhh, my head is spinning. I need to get home.

  I move my unsteady hand to cut into the knot enough to make the noose unusable, but not untangle it.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

No! Sayori- 

I look at her as she shows a slight caring smile. 

How could she want to end her own life? What could drive that? I almost refuse to believe it. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out!

"MC, what's wrong?! Are you panicking?"

My head and hands are shaking a bit.

I force them to stop.

     "N-No, I-I'm ok, um, what time is it?"

Sayori doesn't seem to believe me, but opts to answer the question anyway.

     "It's ten o'clock, MC. You were out for a while. Natsuki spammed your texts needing your address. I hope you don't mind, but I responded for you, hehe."

She hands me my phone, and Sayori manages to send a text that doesn't completely give herself away.

     "Y-Yeah, that's ok. Don't worry about it."

I couldn't sound less enthusiastic if I tried.

SAYORI, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!! I want to scream! I can't! I have to hold back. I need to get her out of here. 

“Hey, Sayori, I’m gonna take a shower and get ready for Nat. You can grab something to eat if you haven’t already.”

     “ Burp Ehehe.”

     “Yeah, anyway I think I need some alone time. She’s still mad at me, and I just want to be ready.”

     “Oh, ok then, I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

She doesn’t seem happy about leaving, but it’s necessary.

     “Yeah, I’ll see ya.”

     “But promise me you’ll take it easy! You just passed out for like twelve hours!”

     “Yeah yeah, I will. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

I shoo her out a bit too aggressively, before I grab my clothes and head to the shower.

As the comforting distraction of the water fills the room, I’m left with my own thoughts. The warm water and air relieve my headache to an extent. I close my eyes and breathe. 

Sayori, my childhood friend, pretty much forever-

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Ten years ago)

“EEP, A spider!”

“Never fear! MC the knight is here! I shall destroy the beast for the kingdom!”

We jumped on the furniture and ran around like wild animals back then. We were only seven or eight.

“No, a real spider, look!”

Sayori pointed at a big spider on our living room wall.

“AH!!”

In one big panicked movement, I swung my plastic sword at the spider as a gut reaction. The arachnid fell to the ground, curled up and lifeless.

We just sat there and looked at it.

“Is it dead?”

…

“Yeah, it is!”

“My hero, hehe~”

She made an exaggerated fainting pose.

“Heheheh~”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Twelve years ago)

“ Whimpers ”

I heard a splat and Sayori started crying a little. Her ice cream completely fell off her cone and onto the pavement of the park roads.

I gave Sayori my spoon so that we could share my ice cream, which was in a cup.

Her face lit up like a dead relative just resurrected.  

“ Gasp~ Thank you thank you thank you!

She hugged me and jumped up and down. She almost made me drop my own ice cream.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We share so many memories, that I could never count them all, even with the separation at the age of eleven. 

How could the most happy, bubbly, kind, considerate person I know want to commit suicide? Was it because of me? Was it because I left her when we were so little? Did her parents have something to do with it? Do they know? Grrrr, my headache is coming back. I need to calm down. 

"It's ok. It's just a misunderstanding. The rope is for something else. That's all."

While I can't convince myself due to the evidence that points to the contrary, I do manage to calm down a little bit.

…

By the time I get out of the shower and put on a pair of jeans as well as an anime shirt, it's already eleven o'clock. I must've spaced out longer than I thought. 

I should be nervous about Natsuki coming, but oddly enough, I couldn't be any more indifferent. I think there's too much on my mind for me to care. Speaking of Natsuki-

I grab the new special manga out of the store bag and put it downstairs in the dining area.

The house is still clean from yesterday. I want to play a game to take my mind off of things, but I'm still too tired. 

I lie down on the living room couch and close my eyes.

…

…

I really didn’t want to have to enter her room like this… Isn’t it kind of a breach of privacy? But she really leaves me no choice.

I gently open the door.

"Sayori-"

…

"What the hell?! WHAT THE HE-"

Ding dong

"GAAAHH!!"

I shoot up awake with my heart racing.

"W-What the-?! I-it was a dream?! Haaah That was so real, I-I-..."

My hands are shaky, forehead sweaty, and I can feel my eyes getting wet. Sayori was-

Ding dong

"H-Huh?! Is that Natsuki?"

I go to my door and look through the partially transparent glass. A clash of white and pink that appears to be Natsuki's height stands at the front.

I open the door to see Natsuki with a white t-shirt and a frilly pink skirt. She's carrying a huge bag over her shoulders. It's definitely not what I thought her casual wardrobe would look like.

     Natsuki: "If this is your reaction to seeing me outside of the school uniform, we're gonna be here a while. Why are you sweaty?"

     "O-Oh, sorry, here I'll take that-"

     "I got it!"

Annoyed, Natsuki shoves past the doorway and takes the bag straight to the kitchen.

I feel like I should say something, even if my mindset isn't in the right place. Seeing Sayori in my dream was… frightening, but Nat isn't someone I want to stay on the bad side of. I guess I should give her the manga before we end up in a worse place.