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It started weeks ago. A late night, a few too many drinks. The kind of loneliness that hung around too long after the lights went out.
They hadn't even spoken when it happened, IV had just looked at him across the room, pupils blown wide, chest rising slow and deep. His fingers twitched where they rested at his sides.
And you stupidly, exhausted and aching to feel something, anything, had moved first.
IV kissed like he didn't want to stop, but then he pulled away like it meant nothing.
And after, when the sweat still clung to our bodies, and the silence had swallowed the air between you, IV rolled over like he had never felt regret as strong as now. It was as if you were the biggest mistake he could have made. It wasn't as if he wasn't into men, you knew he was bisexual, so all you could think is ‘whats wrong with me?’
You hadn't asked what it meant, and I hadn't offered.
So you left it alone. Or tried to at least.
You pretended it didn't crawl beneath your skin, the memories looming over your thoughts when he walked into a room, pretended it didn't echo in the space between songs, between breaths and shared silences to tense to be anything but intentional.
But god it hurt. The pretending.
Because IV was good at it, too good. He laughed at the same jokes, touched you in passing like nothing had changed. He watched you from across the stage, green rooms, bus bunks…and then looked away like you were nobody.
Like you hadn't once sobbed his name into the crook of his neck.
Like you hadn't clung to his back, nails digging into his skin as he whispered praises against the shell of your ear.
You told yourself you could play it cool, act like nothing happened. Like you didn't still feel his hands on your skin right before you drifted off to sleep at night.
But then came tonight.
The tech from the other band had been tall, broad, kind in a way that seemed genuine. He offered you a drink, a compliment. A laugh that settled warm and easy in your chest.
And for a moment, it was a different hand you felt on your skin, just a fleeting second.
A hand on your lower back.
IV saw it.
You didn't hear a word from him for the rest of the night, he had already left, though you were thankful he didn't stick around to see how you ditched the other guy, how it felt like his hand had tainted you, a burning sensation settling in your chest at his touch.
—
You didn't expect to find him later, back at the hotel, leaning against the door to his room like it was the only thing holding him upright.
You didn't speak. Just stared.
He did the same.
“You shouldn't let people touch you like that” he said eventually, voice lower than usual
You laughed, bitter and short. “Right, forgot you get a say.”
He winced, as if your words hurt. You didn't believe it, didn't care.
“Youve been walking around for weeks like I don't exist,” you hissed “you don't get to be jealous now,don't get to make comments on who i allow to touch me.”
“Im not-”
“Youre not jealous?” you stepped closer, heart hurting and skin burning with anger “then what IV? What the fuck are you doing here?”
Silence.
Just the hum of the air conditioner and the light sound of some tv show playing in a nearby room.
“Ive been trying to protect you,” he said quietly, almost shamefully as he looked down at the generic hotel carpeting.
The words made your blood boil.
“From what?” you snapped. “From wanting me back? From admitting you meant it?” you were seething, you could feel the emotions clawing their way up your throat, adding vitriol to every word spat at him. “You kissed me like I was yours. You fucked me like you couldnt get enough. And then you dropped me like a bad habit.”
Still he stared down at the floor like it could protect him from the revelations being dragged out of you and thrown at him, the consequences of his actions.
“You made me feel crazy IV” you hissed. “Like I imagined it all, and now what? Some guy flirts with me and I'm worthy of your attention?”
When he didn't answer, wouldn't even look at you, you scoffed. Shoving past him to get to your own room. But then his fingers curled around your arm.
Not hard, not rough. Just there.
Warm and shaking.
“Come in? Please”
And stupidly, as you usually were around him, you did.
—
His room was dark, still, like he'd been sitting in silence for hours. You didn't move past the door. The anger from seconds ago somehow dissipated at his touch, his show of vulnerability, though the words ‘stupid’ and ‘desperate’ rang out in your mind as you watched him.
“Im not doing this again,” you said, voice barely holding the conviction you tried to show. “Im not a distraction you can pick up then bury under guilt and ignore.”
He turned slowly, eyes glinting in the shadows “you think you were just a distraction to me?”
You didn't answer.
“I wake up with your name on my tongue.” he said. “I can't get the sound of your voice out of my head, I tried to forget. I tried to walk away. But i see someone else look at you and it breaks something inside of me” his hands shook as he seemed to let the words overflow from his mind.
His voice cracks, just slightly, but not from sadness, closer to rage. At himself.
His hands curl into fists at his sides, jaw tight. Not looking at you anymore, meeting your eyes. Like its safer to stare at a floor then confront the mess in front of him.
But you're done with safety, You shove him. Hard.
He stumbles a step, and when he looks at you, you finally see him. No masks, no armor. Just IV, cracked wide open. Every beautiful and broken piece is on display for you.
“You don't get to say that!” you shout, voice shaking “you don't get to feel that way when you have made me feel invisible for weeks” “you hurt me IV!”
He opens his mouth but you don't let him get a word out.
“You disappear, you act like I don't matter! Then the second someone else looks at me, you act like I'm yours?” you were full on screaming at him by this point. Tears threatening to spill. Weeks of pretending, hiding the hurt at every encounter, came flooding out all out once.
“You treated me like a mistake you had to erase and now you want to act like you care? Fuck you”
Your hands hit his chest again, weaker now, the strength leaving your body as you wracked with overflowing emotions you tried your damndest to hide.
“like your words make up for it?” you said, voice rough.
You go to shove him again, but his hands shoot out and close around your wrists. Not rough or painful, but firm. He forced them above your head and slammed you against the wall.
You gasped, more from the sudden heat of his body against yours than fear, the sudden change in energy around the two of you. Like the anger and hurt had mixed into something more. His face was inches from yours, his pupils blown wide, hair mussed from your back and forth.
Then he kissed you.
Not thoughtless, hungry. Rough but somehow it's still gentle, still soothes the hurt and makes it worse all at once. Like he's angry with himself and terrified of losing you in the same breath.
You melt into it for half a second before trying to pull away, but he holds you in place, breathing ragged against your lips,
“Stop” he whispers “stop fighting me”
You take in a breath as if there wasn't enough in the room for you.
“Then stop running” you whispered, one last tear tracking down your cheek.
Something snaps, or better yet, clicks into place.
And suddenly you're moving, he's backing you toward the bed with purpose, the backs of your knees hit the edge and he has you laying down beneath him, his breaths heavy against you neck.
“Tell me youre mine” he murmurs, lips brushing your ear, his words coming out in a low shaky growl. “Tell me you want me to claim you like i should have done the first fucking time”
You whimper, already aching for his touch, already surrendering to him.
“Im yours” you breathe “ive always been”
His lips crashed into yours again, it was brutal, desperate. All teeth and tongue as he groaned into your mouth, his grip on your wrists tightened before he let go, moving one big hand to your hip as he ground his length against you.
His thumb brushing against your hip lightly “let me make it up to you, let me show you the only way i know how”
He moves his knee between your thighs, forcing them apart with slow, deliberate pressure. His hand snakes up your torso, pulling your shirt up before freeing both his hands to drag it off of you.
“Youre mine,” he murmurs, voice low and ragged as he stares down at you, one hand splaying wide across your chest “say it”
“Im yours” you gasp, chest heaving and heat coiling low in your belly, it's everything you have to not grind against his thigh, desperate for any friction.
“Louder” he demands, his tone sharp enough to cut through your haze of lust, making you shudder.
“Im yours IV” you cry out, you can feel your mind slipping into that floating comfort as your given orders.
He makes a low, satisfied sound, his lust coating his voice with that deep rumble you could never get enough of. He rewards you with a bruising kiss, his tongue sweeping into your mouth and his hands travel your body, sliding from your chest to your throat, fingers wrapping lightly around it.
His hips grind down against you, the hard line of his cock dragging up your thigh and to your hip before he moves back between your legs, every slide of his body against yours, every nip at your lips and throaty groan sends a spark of pleasure through you. Every flex of his hips and tightening of his hand at your throat making you sink deeper into blissful submission.
“Look at you: he rasps, “so perfect like this, such a good boy for me”
You whimper at his praise, arching up to chase his touch as his hand leaves your throat only long enough to pin your hands above your head once again, holding them there with one hand before leaning back slightly, admiring you. Your wild hair, heavy lidded eyes and the blush spreading across your cheeks. Spread out before him trembling with need, waiting.
“Dont move those hands” he warns, his voice once again commanding, you wouldnt dare disobey his orders, not like this. “If you do ill start over”
You nod frantically. “Yes sir”
The words slip out before you can think, and it sends a bolt of desire straight to your cock when his eyes flash at the title.
“Thats it,” he coes “my good boy”
He kisses you again, just once tender and slow before moving down your chest. His hand trails down, knuckles ghosting over your ribs before dipping lower, teasing your hardness with feather light touches that make you squirm and plea.
“Keep still” he reminds you, voice almost mocking, enjoying this. But the affection bleeding through softens it, makes it feel more like a promise of something to come rather than a threat.
His fingers dip below the waist band of your pants before pulling them down slowly along with your boxers, pulling off his own shirt as he returns to you. His fingers wrap around your cock, stroking once, twice, slow enough to drive you insane. You moan, hips twitching, but you force yourself flat, obedient and aching for more of his praise. Desperate to please him.
“I could watch you like this forever,” he breathes, voice hoarse as his thumb swipes over your head. “So needy, so ready to fall apart at my word arent you?”
He slides up your body, mouth leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses from your pelvis up to your collar bone before going back down, until hes kneeling between your spread thighs, leaving sharp bites at the sensitive skin. His hands force them wider as he looks up at you, his gaze heavy with hunger.
“Keep your eyes on me” he orders as he grabs you at the base, his hand wrapping around you deliciously. “I want to watch you while i taste whats mine”
Then his mouth is on you, hot and wet, taking you deep in one smooth motion that has your hands fisting in the fabric above your head, teeth biting into your lower lip to keep from moaning out his name.
He moans around you, the sounds vibrating through your body. His hands grip your thigh hard enough to bruise, knowing you will feel it for days you pray it leaves a mark.
His eyes flick up to yours, locking you place with a look so dark, so hungry, you feel it in your bones. He pulls up to the tip before taking you deep again, slowly this time, his tongue swirling around your head before following the vein that follows the underside of your shaft. His throat flexes as he swallows around you, your strangled moans echo throughout the hotel room as you are no longer able to hold them back.
Youre already trembling, and you both know this is nowhere near over. Your hips twitch with every movement, groan and swipe of his tongue, your hands itching to thread in his hair. Your hips buck up as he takes you deep again and holds you there, despite your best efforts to obey his command you close your eyes for a moment trying to coming before he asks it off you and almost immediately his nails dig into your thigh, reminding you who's in charge here no matter the position he's currently in.
“Dont you dare come” he growls pulling off of you, his voice wrecked and breathless. A thin line of spit connects his lips to your cock as he strokes you with a slick hand, his thumb circling your tip with just enough pressure to keep you right on the edge, “not until i give you permission”
“Please” you gasp, voice cracking and tears pooling in your eyes from the sheer intensity of his teasing “i-i cant-”
He cuts you off with a sharp slap to your thigh, the sting only serving to push you deeper into that state of sensitivity and the need to follow his every whim. “You will,” he says with the confidence of a man that has you wrapped around his finger "you're going to take every second of this”
He slips the rest of his clothing off as he grabs the lube from the nightstand, squirting it onto his fingers. His gaze doesn't leave yours as slicks himself up, the sight alone of him leaking pre from the tip and achingly hard is enough to make your head spin.
“Color” he demands, voice breathy but still dominating.
“Green” you sob instantly, desperate for him to ease the ache throughout your body.
“Good boy”
He shifts your legs higher, hooking them over his shoulder before inserting a finger, before adding another, adjusting you to take him comfortably. Though you were pleading for him to tear you apart at this point, no mind the pain if he would make you come. When he decides you're ready he slowly pressed the blunt head of his length against your entrance, spreading you open with agonizing slowness, surely just to watch you squirm and cry. Every inch stretching you until you're gasping, your eyes rolling back and hands itching to latch onto his shoulders.
“That's it baby” he coos, voice suddenly soft, though no less commanding “take it. Take every inch baby”
He bottoms out with a low moan, his hips flush with yours, the fullness so intense you feel like you can't breathe. You're a mess of moans and tears. Mouth open, back arched, and chest heaving as he gives you a moment to adjust.
Then he pulls almost all the out and slams back in, hard enough to knock the headboard against the wall.
A wail tears from your throat.
He sets a brutal pace, hips snapping against yours with deep, punishing thrusts that have you seeing stars, each slap of his skin against yours mixing in with your obscene moans just drives you closer and closer to that edge. Each time he slams in the head of his cock brushes that perfect spot, sending white hot pleasure through your veins.
His hand finds your cock, stroking in time with his thrusts, “dont you dare fucking come yet” he warns, his voice ragged but edged with amusement as you sob under him.
Your hands tangle in the sheets above your head, clawing into the fabric, every muscle trembling with the effort to obey his commands, the peak of your orgasm so close it hurts.
His face hovers inches from yours, breaths mingling with your own “look at me” he snarls. Fingers wrapping around your throat again. “I want you to look me in the eyes as you fall apart”
You force your gaze to his, eyes wide and glassy, lips trembling. His thumb presses just enough on your throat to make your pulse thunder louder in your eyes.
“Now baby” he whispers, voice low, strained and loving.. “Come for me”
Your orgasm rips through you like an explosion, blinding and violent. You cry out his name, body convulsing around him as you spill over your stomach. You feel him pulsing inside you a beat later, his hips stuttering as he empties himself with a strangled moan of your name, burying himself as deep as he can.
He stays like that, inside you, his forehead pressed to yours as both of you try to catch your breath. The air hot and heavy, his weight settles over you, reassuring, his arms slide beneath your back and flips you over as he pulls out, laying you over his chest.
For a moment neither of you speak, the only sound is the slow thud of your hearts. You're still floating, every nerve singing and limbs like jelly.
Then IV lifts his head just enough to meet your eyes, the look in his eyes softer than you had ever seen, his thumb brushes a tear you hadn't even noticed falling from your face before he kisses your cheek.
“Breathe with me” he murmurs, voice low but so gentle it makes your chest ache. “In and out sweetheart”
He slows his own breathing, exaggerating every breath so you can match him “good job baby” he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead “thats it, ive got you”
You whimper, clinging to him as you come down and your mind catches back up with your body. The shame, the anger, the fear. The feelings swirl around in your mind for a moment, but his hands are there, stroking your hair and grounding you.
He shifts carefully, laying you beside him as he goes to get up, but you snatch his rest before he can leave the bed. “Dont leave please” you beg him, the plea noticeable in your eyes.
“Im just going to get something to clean us up with love” he says gently, before moving towards the bathroom.
He returns with a glass of water and a warm damp rag, he holds you to sit up as you finish the glass of water, before laying you back down and gently cleaning the residue of tears from your face before cleaning the rest of the mess off of your bodies.
When he comes back to bed to lie down you bury your face in his neck, inhaling the scent that is him. Just in case things go back to the way they were. His fingertips trace soothing patterns on your skin, slow and aimless.
“I'm sorry” he murmurs into your hair, voice raw “for everything, for pushing you away, for pretending I didn't want this.. Didn't want you.”
Your throat tightens as he says the words you have wanted to hear for so long. You pull back just far enough to look at him, eyes stinging again, “i just wanted you to admit it” you whisper “to show me i wasnt alone in this”
He cradles your face in both hands, eyes glistening, looking straight into yours like he's willing you to hear his truth, "you're not alone, not anymore. I swear to you im done pretending”
He kisses you again, slow and tender. Like he's pouring every unsaid word into the press of your lips. “I love you” he breathes, the words breaking open something in your chest.
“I love you too” you whisper, voice small but sure.
He kisses the top of your head before pulling the blankets over you, “sleep love, im not going anywhere i promise”
And you are sure, for the first time in years, you got a good night's rest, drifting off wrapped in his warmth, his scent and his love.