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I could have changed Josh if I was with him.
Josh Levy has never felt more uncomfortable then he has been right now.
He internally screams as he looks at you from the bed, both nude, with the exception of a blanket that he wrapped protectively around himself.
He could only gulp nervously as you joyfully smiled, giggling as you sauntered over to him, crawling onto the bed and looming above him with lidded eyes.
He felt his cock give a valiant twitch underneath the soft material as he early whined at the sight of you.
God, you were so ethereal. Were you even real? Was any of this real? How could someone like them want to be with someone like him? Maybe he is dreaming-
“Josh”, your soft voice broke him out of his racing thoughts as he mustered up the courage to lock eyes with you.
You met his gaze with a softer smile, head tilting as your hand enveloped the one that still clasps tightly around the blanket.
“I know that look on your face’, you began, thumb rubbing against his knuckles in a way that caused his heart to leap.
“You’re overthinking something. I know it’s our first time so if you don’t want to keep going it’s ok-”
“NO!” he barked out, your eyes widening at his sudden increase in volume. He cleared his throat, an embarrassing flush forming from his ears to cheeks as he stuttered. “I-i mean, no I want to keep going! I-god you’re so pretty- and I’m not exactly a tiny guy so-” his teeth clacked together.
“Just, U-um I know that if you were to not like what you see and want to stop I’d be perfectly fine with it!”
Josh was clearly lying through his fucking teeth. He knew what he looked like. He knew that he was an unattractive nerd ever since he was little. Bullies would make fun of his weight and he would be the butt of every fat joke in his old Eltingville club. Even now in his thirties, he felt sick to his stomach when he looked at himself in the mirror.
Even so, he can take any stupid joke from a random nobody, but if you were to look at him with disgust? He didn't know if he could handle that.
He blinked back tears that dared to cloud his vision. Men don't cry. Not over shit like this.
He prayed you don’t see the clear self-consciousness emanating off of him. God, then you’d definitely think he was a total loser.
But no. All you did was stare at his, waiting for his stammering to end before you let out another soft smile. You always looked so angelic when you smiled like that.
“Josh.” you gripped his hands tighter. “We’ve been together for about a year now. I’ve seen how you get so animated when you talk about Star Trek, even though I don’t have a clue about anything in the show. I’ve seen how many meaningful gifts you’ve gotten me about things I’ve told you about on the fly. Hell, I’ve seen the way that you defended me during the Comic-Con where you old friend with the glasses insulted me.”
You sigh softly and bite your lip. “Josh? I don’t know if you know this, but I’m fucking crazy for you. Love you so much it hurts sometimes”, you chuckle.
“Trust me, baby. Whatever you’ve got going under here?’, you gesture at the blanket. “Will never drive me away.”
“I love you and I want to show you how much I love you. Can I?” you whispered, leaning in close, inches away from each other as your cool breath fans over his face and causes his eyes to flutter in suspense.
Maybe this one time, he could believe that he was worthy enough for your love.
“Yes”, he whispered back. “Ok.”
His hands loosened on the blanket as you both let it fall to the floor.