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Having disappeared from the public eye for years up until recently was a jarring change for Sangwon to say the least. A few months ago, he was just like every average person in any average place.
Now, he has a whole mob of fans peeking over the windows at some hotpot place just to get a glimpse of him, or any of them.
He didn’t dislike the attention, no, not at all. He just wished this career path came with a bit more security and a lot more privacy. And there’s a lot of emphasis on privacy because even within the establishment itself, people were too focused on them with their phones out, recording every bite they take to even notice the vegetables in their own hotpots starting to get soggier than what is intended for consumption.
So he’s got people outside making it look like the president was dining at Haidilao, and there are people inside acting like they're dining with the president at Haidilao. Putting too much thought in their current setup would further overstimulate his simple mind, there was nothing he could do other than to make the best out of the situation. Also to not waste the amount of cash they were about to splurge in just one meal.
Maybe he was the problem? Because looking around, everyone else seemed to be eating in a completely secluded place, with the way they were able to completely ignore the audience they had in their presence. His eyes scan the variety of vegetables, sauces, meat, and other side dishes in front of him, unable to decide what he wants, and the not-so secretive giggling from all around them was not helping either—Sangwon dislikes this overwhelming feeling.
The plethora of foreign voices started ringing in his ears, his heart thumped like it wanted to escape from the enclosure of his sternum and ribcage, and the overpowering scent of the food clogged his nostrils. Putting his chopsticks down slowly, his hands retreat to his sides, under the table and out of anyone’s view. He took small deep breaths discreetly, not wanting to attract the others’ attention.
Just then, he felt a hand wrap around his right one, stroking the back of his palm with his thumb. Sangwon didn’t even realize he was shaking slightly. His eyes stare at the hand that was now caressing his own, following the prominent veins, his gaze runs along the person’s forearms slowly until he was looking at the owner’s face.
His eyes weren’t on Sangwon, but rather to the person sitting across from them. Cheeks round and full of food, laughing slightly at the jokes being thrown around their table. Without even sparing him a glance, he kept his hand hidden from everyone else, under the table, with Sangwon’s own, trying to calm him down, while simultaneously entertaining everyone else.
As the conversation slowly shifts away from him, he leans in closer to Sangwon, their eyes closely meeting each other, he whispers, “I won’t let go of your hand until you feel better.”
Geonwoo’s words sent a vibration along Sangwon’s skin, his deep voice when hushed made him feel ticklish in a nice way. “How am I supposed to eat when you have my right hand pinned down?”
A chuckle comes out of Geonwoo, right before he intertwines their fingers together. You’d think Sangwon had eaten something spicy with how red his face had become just from that one gesture.
“We either put both our hands on top of the table or I can just feed you instead.”
This earns a small gasp from Sangwon, with the choices being equally scandalous for both of them, especially in a public space. He contemplates on both options. Geonwoo however, seemed to be fond of either, though it was kind of obvious he was hoping for Sangwon to choose the latter.
Looking away and with a shaky sigh of shyness and relief, Sangwon replies.
“Just don’t feed me too much mushrooms, they make me feel funny.”
As if the squeeze he felt on their intertwined fingers wasn’t enough to measure Geonwoo’s happiness, a big smile was plastered on his face, rows of teeth fully showing and the crater of his dimple deepening. Sangwon can’t help but smile too.
“So does the food just not matter anymore?”
Kangmin, who was sitting in front of them, interrupts their little moment together, his face a mix of disturbed and annoyed. They both pull away, failing to realize just how close their faces were from each other. If Kangmin failed to intervene, thousands of photos in every possible angle would be spreading online like wildfire already.
Keeping their hands locked with each other, Geonwoo takes his time picking the best pieces of each dish for Sangwon, the other sometimes pointing to which ones he wanted. Their friends were too occupied with the food and each other to notice the both of them in their own world. Well, save for Kangmin. Seven minutes into their joint meal, Sangwon does not fail to realize that Geonwoo had not once fed himself.
“Wait, slow down, I’m starting to feel full. And you’re not even eating anything yourself.” Sangwon’s eyebrows furrowed, the part about him being full was definitely a lie, but his mouth has been getting stuffed nonstop by Geonwoo, leaving nothing for himself.
Geonwoo smiles, his dimple making another appearance. “Why? How are you getting full already? I thought you’d love getting filled up down here.” A smirk forms on his lips, bringing a hand to caress Sangwon’s stomach.
The sudden realization of what Geonwoo alluded to clicked in his mind, and in a split second he breaks their handholding, slapping Geonwoo's hand from his stomach, accompanied by a surprised shriek which he thankfully cuts off by covering his mouth. If they were going barely unnoticed earlier, all eyes were definitely on them now, a piercing silence engulfed the entire place for a few seconds.
Sangwon notices all the attention on them again, his eyes nervously scan everyone’s faces, trying to gauge their reactions. His hand comes down from his mouth and back to holding Geonwoo’s underneath, looking for a sense of comfort.
A deep sigh comes from beside him, he turns to his left and comes face to face with Anxin, his face painted an emotion of seriousness, but Sangwon could tell he was trying his best not to giggle.
“We were doing our best to ignore whatever you two were doing, you know.” Anxin’s voice carried a hint of annoyance, but as soon as everyone gets back to what they were doing previously, he sneaks in a smile and a wink at Sangwon. They both giggle at the interaction.
“You’re not as slick as you think!” Kangmin jokingly points his chopsticks at Geonwoo, inciting a silly little banter. Geonwoo lets go of Sangwon’s hand, picking up his own pair of chopsticks to shoot back at Kangmin, “And you’re not as tall as you say!” The whole table laughs as they continue to go back and forth at each other.
Sangwon tries to go along with the flow, but the feeling of loneliness his hand felt was overpowering. He waits for Geonwoo’s hand to find its way back to his, but minutes go by and his hand stayed unnoticed, the cold air completely engulfing it. He looks at him again but this time, his attention was away from him, he seemed happier and also laughed more when he was talking with the others.
The gnawing feeling that had been eating him up inside resurfaces, the feeling of being kept a secret. They weren’t even anything exclusive or official, they just both knew what they wanted and started getting closer to each other, without bothering to address or even mention anything about their feelings towards one another. Sangwon liked Geonwoo, a lot. But were his feelings reciprocated? Or even valued? It was a question he feared the answer of knowing.
Not wanting to drown in his sadness, he tries his best to go about the whole dinner without making another scene, taking small bites of his food and keeping conversations to a minimum. For the rest of the meal, his interactions with Geonwoo were a total of zero.
Walking out of Haidilao in one piece was a challenge they now had to face. You’d expect that after standing outside and waiting for them to finish eating, the crowd would eventually feel tired, but no, they were just as energetic as they first arrived. Much more than before, even.
They decide to stick close to one another and navigate their way to the vehicle safely, though while everyone is busy fending off the horde of fans, Sangwon’s mind only thought of Geonwoo. He wasn’t the most fond of how their relationship had been set up, there are a lot of unsaid things that needed clarification, from his side that is. Trying to understand Geonwoo’s thoughts would require Sangwon to ask him directly, which would mean admitting his own feelings.
Sangwon was not ready for the possible heartbreak that might bring.
Even though their current situation was a mess, with cameras and phones shoved onto their faces and strangers’ hands trying to grab every limb they had, this didn’t bother him as much as seeing Geonwoo still managing to laugh around with Anxin as they walked through the mob. It also didn’t help how several fans were reacting giddily about the interaction.
Sangwon felt a twist forming in his stomach.
He is just as aware as every other person of how Geonwoo’s relationships with others are perceived by the public. To the rest of the world, he was close with Anxin to an extent, and as for Sangwon, well they definitely knew each other. His heart doesn’t harbor any negative feelings towards Anxin, in fact he liked him a lot, and they were in fact close too, very close. So feeling this way towards the both of them made him uncomfortable and uneasy.
If there was anyone who knew about Sangwon’s intermittent late night rants about how he felt about Geonwoo, it would be Anxin. They had a habit of sneaking out of the dorms at midnight and into a secluded area of the training camp, an area where the stars in the night sky shined the brightest, bathing in the moon’s glow. Sitting on the grass with some snacks they managed to snatch from the pantry, they would talk about their lives like normal boys, gush over normal things—which for Sangwon would be his crush on Geonwoo, and temporarily forget about the stressful environment they had willingly thrown themselves into.
So for Sangwon to feel a pang of jealousy towards the only person who knew about his complicated crush, he didn’t like it one bit.
Shifting his focus into walking, he tables the thoughts running amok in his mind, trying his best to keep a smile on his face because cameras were literally in every direction. He manages to wave to the fans from time to time, but the pushing and shoving has gotten way too out of hand. As they’re about to make a turn, a new group of people who have been waiting by the corner appear, loud cheers and even more pushing added to their baggage.
Sangwon tries to keep his composure both physically and mentally, but just as he does, a person gets pushed by another behind him, starting a little domino effect, to which he gets caught in. A shove to his shoulder and he trips, his eyesight meeting with the concrete, he panics, unable to grab on to anything for support, so he braces himself for impact.
Eyes closed and prepared for the searing pain he was about to feel, he could do nothing but wait for collision.
But it doesn’t come. Instead, he feels a strong grip on his waist, slowly opening his eyes to see that it was Geonwoo, who had just caught him moments before he was lying on the ground. With only one arm too. Hot. He thinks. Little explosions go off in Sangwon’s mind, trying to process what had just happened while Geonwoo steadies him on his feet.
“Are you okay? Hold on to my arm.” The taller one leaned down to whisper to him, Sangwon didn’t have to look to know that the other was smiling. Unable to function currently, he is left a blushing mess, his hand immediately grabbing onto Geonwoo’s arm without a thought, letting himself be led across the sea of people and into the car.
Once inside the car, Sangwon immediately puts on his airpods, wanting to isolate himself with his thoughts and to recollect what had just happened. It all occurred so fast, one moment he was ready to have cuts on his face and the next moment Geonwoo steps in to save him like a prince, it was like a scene straight out of a romance movie.
He feels the heat starting to pool at his cheeks and quickly faces the window, his back facing everyone else in the car, not bothering to care about their thoughts at that moment. He buries his face in his hands and tries not to scream like a teenage girl who had just brushed hands with her crush.
Giving himself a few minutes to gather his composure, he relaxes in his seat and feels the exhaustion catching up to him. Catching on some sleep will help him destress, he thought. Wanting to drift off, he clicks play on one of his many Spotify playlists, but the moment he hears the first note of the first song, all his drowsiness exits his system, he was now wide awake and his Geonwoo dilemma was back in full swing. Sangwon makes a mental note to remove Colors by Halsey from the specific playlist he just shuffled later.
Rejection. It was the one thing that scared Sangwon. He doesn’t know if he can handle being rejected by the guy he likes a lot, especially when that guy is someone he’ll be seeing everyday for the next month, and most likely even for the next years. He wasn’t delusional, but it doesn’t take the sharpest mind to notice that there is definitely something between them.
And that’s what Sangwon wanted to know.
What did Geonwoo think of him? Where does he stand in his life?
Maybe tonight was the perfect time before it grows into something bigger and more difficult, Sangwon thought.
Finally away from the mob of fans, they take a stop at a convenience store in a more secluded area, it was Xinlong’s idea, insisting that store bought ramyun was the perfect way to top off a tiring day. One by one they enter the store, all but Sangwon. He just stood there, out of the car and taking in the cold night’s breeze.
The winds sang a sweet tune, dancing like unseen musical notes in the air, Sangwon couldn’t help but hum to the rhythm. It was a song unfamiliar to him, but it felt comforting, it felt right. Slowly shutting his eyelids, he lets the music take over his body, he smiles, remembering why he loved it so much, and what he’s fighting for.
“I got you some ice cream.”
A husky voice comes from behind, breaking him from his trance, there stood Geonwoo with two sticks of ice cream on one hand. He rolls his eyes, a groan escaping his lips, his feet quickly taking him to a narrow street beside the store and away from Geonwoo, who quickly follows behind.
“Hey Sangwon, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
The question screeched like nails on a chalkboard in his ears, he was pissed. Halting in his tracks, he turns around and faces a confused Geonwoo.
“Are you toying with me?”
Irritation and hurt laced his words, rolling off his tongue naturally.
“W-what?”
Dumbfounded and lost, Geonwoo looked like a puppy who had just been kicked. Sangwon entertained the image in his mind, but he had to maintain his composure. He can revisit that thought later.
He pauses to catch his breath, if he wanted the perfect time to confront Geonwoo about his feelings, there was no better moment than now.
“You held my hand and ran your fingers along mine and started feeding me, but as soon as people turned their attention to us you just dropped everything? You didn’t even bother to talk to me or ask me anything after, it’s like you just completely forgot about me!”
Sangwon was aware of how he was raising his voice, but he was too caught up in his emotions to care. The words continued to come out of his mouth like word vomit, he couldn’t stop himself.
“And then after all that you decide that I suddenly exist again and you pull that stunt of catching me by my waist—not even my hand or my hair, but my fucking waist, oh my god! Do you just decide whenever you wanna play secret boyfriends with me depending on your mood? I never wanted to be in a situation where I have my back against a wall, but I try to make the best of it because I like you a lot. And is it wrong for me to assume that you felt the same way? Because if not, were you just leading me on then? Just tell me what you really feel rather than keeping up with this sick game because I’m getting tired and it’s killing me inside that I don’t even know where I stand in your life!”
Somewhere along his sentences his tears started to fall, but Sangwon didn’t care, he just poured his entire heart out to the person he liked, and he can’t even make out the reaction on his face from the blur due to his tears. Letting his cries come out freely, his legs start to feel weak, and just as they give out, he is caught yet again by Geonwoo.
Kneeling on the concrete, he sits Sangwon on his thighs, his legs folded and knees on his chest, he wraps one arm around the smaller boy’s frame, while his free hand holds on to the ice cream, which was starting to melt in his hand.
They stay on the ground for a few minutes as Geonwoo tries to calm him down from crying, caressing his head and leaving pecks of kisses on his cheeks, he waits for the other to calm down before speaking.
“Sangwon-ah, I’m sorry for not noticing sooner, I never wanted to make you feel like this, and my intentions for you are pure. I like you a lot Sangwon, I love you.”
Stifling his cries, he looks up to see the warmest smile ever, but still unable to process the words he had just heard.
“There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but I had to think of what was best for you, always. You’re the center of attention everywhere you go, what would happen if you were caught with me of all people? You know how the world sees me, I didn’t want to drag you into any of it, I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you.”
Jumping into a hug, he wraps his arms around Geonwoo’s neck, his face buried in the scent of his perfume, almost as soft and sweet as baby powder. His voice is muffled from the hug but to Geonwoo, it was as clear as it could be, for his heart understood.
“Stop saying stuff like that, who cares what others think? I love you too, and that’s what matters.”
Unseen by Sangwon, Geonwoo smiles.
“If only it were that easy, my love.”
He places a soft kiss on Sangwon’s head, before positioning his arm on his bottom for support, lifting him off the ground and standing up. This startles Sangwon, who clings onto him for dear life. Walking a few steps, he gently places him down on the hood of an empty car, wiping his tears with a handkerchief, and a playful smirk painted on his face.
The ice cream had completely melted by now, he threw the popsicle sticks in a nearby bin, flicking the residue off his hand and onto the ground. An idea came to Sangwon’s mind, which he quickly worked into action.
Leaning back on the car with one arm behind him for support, he brings the ice cream covered hand inches away from his mouth, sticking out his tongue slightly, before he slowly starts licking the leftovers from Geonwoo’s hand, making sure to sneak in a few glances at Geonwoo while he’s doing so. The warm feeling of Sangwon’s tongue along his hand sent shivers down his spine.
He loved this, he loved seeing Sangwon like this.
To say that it was turning him on would be an understatement, his breathing became jagged, his heart beating boldly, the sounds Sangwon made while enjoying his hand were obscene.
Their eyes meet once again, a low groan escaping his lips as Sangwon sticks out his tongue, placing his index and middle finger on it before swirling his tongue around the digits. His eyes were shut, moaning into the sensation of sucking Geonwoo’s fingers.
“Fuck, Sangwon you’re insane.”
Taking this as a compliment, Sangwon makes eye contact and giggles with his fingers still in his mouth, sending vibrations down the other’s body. He maintains eye contact as he takes both fingers deeper and down his throat, starting with a slow pace and quickening it, his head bobbing up and down on Geonwoo’s fingers.
Geonwoo felt his sanity and decorum slipping away.
Pulling out his fingers from his mouth with a pop, Sangwon shoots him a look of disappointment, only for his eyes to widen as Geonwoo takes both his fingers coated with Sangwon’s saliva and into his mouth, eyes closed and licking every drop clean. The sight in front of him left Sangwon’s mouth agape in pure shock.
Another pop sounds as he pulls out his fingers out of his mouth in a swift motion.
“Delicious.” He says while licking his upper lip.
Sangwon’s head was getting dizzy, and the most sane course of action he could think of at that moment was to pull Geonwoo by the collar of his shirt and into an open mouthed kiss. This startles the other, but he quickly locks in, hands slamming on the hard metal behind Sangwon for support, as the younger wrapped his arms around his neck, and his legs around his waist, pulling him closer as their crotches brushed against one another through the rough denim.
Fighting for dominance, their tongues danced together in harmony, the kiss was becoming sloppier by the second, sending vibrations down both their bodies as they moaned into the kiss. Geonwoo cups Sangwon’s ass in his hands, pulling him closer and limiting himself to only grinding, reminding himself that they were still in a public place.
Feeling Sangwon’s pace loosening, they pull away from each other, strings of saliva connecting their lips. Geonwoo admires the figure in front of him, panting and catching his breath. Beautiful. He thinks
Without wasting any time, he plants his lips on Sangwon’s jaw, leaving small kisses along the line, while the other’s hands were on his hair. He leaves a trail of kisses down his neck, leaving no spot unnoticed, alternating between pecks and licks, making Sangwon shiver at the pleasure.
“I could never lay my eyes on anything as beautiful as you.”
The hot breath tickled his neck, his hands gripping his hair in pleasure.
“So let me have all this to myself, please?”
Geonwoo looked up at him with eyes that yearned and begged for Aphrodite’s touch, and in this situation, he was Aphrodite. His head was drowning in lust and desire, and the face he looked down upon was only making things worse. He knew what Geonwoo wanted, and he’d be more than happy to give it to him.
“Not up here, everyone will see it.”
Letting go of the other’s hair, his fingers slowly grab the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up to reveal his bare torso. Geonwoo’s eyes lit up, unable to stop the smile forming on his face, he was practically drooling at the sight of Sangwon’s body. A waist that made girls envious, and rosy nipples that blossomed on the vast smooth and milky skin.
Geonwoo wastes no time, grabbing the curves of Sangwon’s waist and digging in as if he was in a pie eating competition, while Sangwon held his shirt up with his teeth. Though there was gentleness in his rough movements. He took the rosy bud in his mouth, flicking it with his tongue before carefully taking it between his teeth, the grazing friction made Sangwon flinch, soft moans escaped his puckered lips. Not wanting to leave the other unattended, he brings his fingers to play with it, simultaneously playing with both nubs with his mouth and his fingers.
Switching his mouth between both nipples, he starts planting small hickeys around them, spots of purple blossoming around the pink nubs, like a beautiful flower. Geonwoo pulls away, panting, to admire his work of art. Sangwon’s chest was completely defiled, nipples shining under the dim streetlight thanks to the saliva, and patterns of purple that adorned the white skin.
Sangwon was left breathless, a moaning mess, he lets himself fall into Geonwoo‘s embrace as they both catch their breaths.
“You went a little crazy there.” He weakly slaps Geonwoo’s chest.
“Sorry baby, I couldn’t stop myself with how ravishing you looked.”
Foreheads pressed against each other, they laughed at their own words as they calmed down from the high of their lustful acts, forgetting about everything else around them, and even who they were as public figures.
Leaving the beating of their hearts that moved in unison, to tell the story of how they both found the love that they needed—in each other.