Chapter Text
BLOG POST NUMBER 1,845 DECEMBER 16, 2016
Love, love will fuck you up mentally. Those aren't just my words, those are the words of anyone who has loved and lost. I hate to start off our story with this, but you know the quote "tis better to have loved and lost then not to have never loved at all" is bullshit for anybody who was scorned by the person they loved. Sure later on in life when you find love again the quote may prove to be true, but as soon as your heartbreaks all sentiments of peace and understanding go down the drain. Break ups make you impulsive, irrational, angry, sad and just downright mental. Then there are things you should avoid after a breakup like the one night stands to numb the pain and feel close to someone or even the phone calls at three o'clock in the morning when your pissed drunk and you just want to know why. There's the passive aggressive posts on social media or in extreme cases vandalism. You know like slashing tires, toilet papering/egging their house. Visual evidence that shows that you're hurting and you think it's their fault. Some people say love hurts, but as my dad always said "love doesn't hurt. You hurt because the one person you loved and trusted with your heart did something to betray your trust or hurt you in ways you didn't know they could". The love Harry and I shared was beautiful. From the laughs to the petty arguments. Love didn't hurt me, Harry hurt me, Harry betrayed my trust. But when you're in love you don't worry about the warning signs that tell you things are getting worse and there is no turning back from this. This will be tattooed on your mind and heart. This will scare you and make you think you can never fall in love again if this is the pain that can be caused by loving someone so much you don't even have to think about it. Heartbreak is like a warning label on a pack of cigarettes, you know there are consequences, you just think it can never happen to you. Well this is a love story with angsty qualities and cliff hangers. This is the story of how Harry and I fell in love, and how I fell out of love with Harry(never completely of course) I hope this helps you know, you're not alone, and sometimes not thinking about it can be a good way to cope.
Louis T xx
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DAY 1,381
I’m hunched in a stiff chair at the UCLA library chewing on my pencil trying to decipher Plato’s apology before I feel heavy hands start to massage my shoulders. Instead of panicking I slowly look back to see who the mysterious culprit is.
“Hey baby” Harry says smiling and leaning down to kiss me. “Hey Hazz, what are you doing here? I thought you had some frat thing going on today” I whisper leaning my head back to lay against his abdomen. He continues to massage my shoulders and looks down at me with soft eyes. “Wanted to see you” he simply states.
I smile and close my eyes. “what do you want from me?” I tease, “You’re only this nice when you did something wrong” I say chuckling.
Harry scoffs and looks down at me furrowing his brows “I am not! Remember when I massaged your sweaty, smelly feet after your game? You seriously needed a deep cleaning on those things!” he retorts gently shaking me.
“Then you told me that you accidentally put a red sock in my laundry and died all my whites, pink.” I say chuckling.
“Pure coincidence.” he mumbles and moves to sit next to me. “But since you asked, the boys at the frat want to go out and I know we had plans to stay home and catch up on Netflix...”
I quickly cut him off “Go Love, have fun” chuckling. “You know you could have just texted me, you didn’t have to come all the way here!”
“Oh yes I did! Last time I cancelled via text and you didn’t talk to me for a week” he argues gently grabbing my hand. “What are you reading anyways?”
“I am trying to analyze a piece for Plato, I have to make correlations between the play and political…” when I look up at harry his eyebrows raised and confusion is starting to take over his normally easy going expressions. “Just this play” I say finally just answering the question. Harry then hums and nods. “How much longer are you planning to stay? I could give you a ride home if you like” the curly hair lad suggests, now taking the play from my hands to read over the synopsis.
“Another hour or so, don’t you have to go get ready? I can take the bus” I say watching him fan through the play. Harry shakes his head. “No I can wait for you, no big deal. I don’t like you taking the bus” I smile and roll my eyes. “You don’t like me riding the bus, because you hate riding the bus”
“Same difference” he says looking at me and sticking his tongue out. I take the book from his hands and turn to the page where I left out and start to read again.
It wasn’t until I had read he same sentence about ten times that I noticed Harry was sighing a little too loudly for my liking that I looked up at harry with an annoyed expression. He was flipping his phone in his hand and looking at the ground. I continue staring at him until he stops and looks at me curiously. I raise my eyebrows and look at him until he turns toward the table and sets his phone down.
I relax and go back to the play and start reading again, I almost finished a page before my annoying boyfriends phone starts blaring the candy crush theme song. I bite my lip and look up at the ceiling then turn to harry clearing my throat. Harry looks up from his phone directing his attention to me. “Everything okay baby?” he asks softly.
I give him a tight lipped smile and nod. “Yeah I’m fine, but can you turn the volume down? I can’t really concentrate” I whisper. Harry’s eyes widen and he quietly apologizes before he mutes his iPhone and goes back to play the game. I relax a bit and go back to studying almost getting through the first act when Harry sets his phone down and start shaking his leg and making random noises with his mouth.
“Harold, honey if you’re bored you can go without me.”
“What no, I’m not bored!” he whispers looking surprised.
“Then would you be quiet!” I yell slamming my hands on the table. Suddenly everyone decides to look up from their studies. “Young man, people are studying. Please keep it down” the old librarian says scandalized at his outburst. Harry just looks at me and tries to hide his laugh behind a cough.
“Yeah babe, keep it down” Harry whispers. I frown and look at him from the corner of my eye and go back to the play. To my luck this time Harry finds something more interesting on his phone and sits there long enough for me to finish the play completely. I then close the book and start putting my things into my backpack.
“You’re done already?” Harry asks barely glancing up from his phone.
“What do you mean already Hazz, it has been about an hour” I say giggling lightly. “Were you too engrossed with your secret mistress that you lost track of time?”
“Unless you count Niall as my mistress then, yes I was talking to my mistress” says grabbing my backpack from my hands. I chuckle and push the chair in and grab his hand as we walk to the door.
Harry gently squeezes my hand when we leave the library and pulls me into a soft gentle kiss. “You sure you’re fine with me going out tonight? You seemed a little irritable in there” he whispers with worried eyes.
“Harry, I was irritable because you were getting on my nerves, not because I don’t want you to go out” I say softly looking into Harry’s eyes. I see him visibly relax as he leans back down to kiss me. “Okay” harry whispers when we break apart.
“So guess what I’m going to be for Halloween?” Harry says suddenly very excited about the holiday quickly approaching. I laugh and shrug “I’m not sure, but I’m almost positive you will tell me!” as I’m waiting on harry to give me every vivid detail, I notice he’s frozen in place. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me?” I ask looking up at Harry
Suddenly I notice that he’s very tense, I look at him then look in the same general area and see that his car has been vandalized. My jaw drops and I look around to see if the same thing has been done to the other cars. No other cars were damaged so I walk up to see if maybe it was some rival frat that decided Harry’s car needed a few new details. That’s when I notice the huge words painted onto his windshield. CHEATER.
“Cheater?” that’s strange, Harry who would do this?” I whisper. As if on que the perky blonde from Harry’s economics class crawls out of her car.
“I think it’s quite fitting! Don’t you Styles?” she asks looking at my boyfriend with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Harry still hasn’t said a thing; he’s just standing there in shock.
Confusion starts to take over and I’m looking from Harry and the blonde waiting for one of them to say something. “I’m Chloe, you must be Louis. Nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you” she says holding out her hand. I look at her and go to shake her hand before Harry pulls me back.
I look back at him hoping for some answers but Harry just looks at him with guilt in his eyes. “What’s going on?” I whisper to Harry slowly stepping back to look at him. Harry bites his lip and shakes his head.
“I’m so sorry baby” Harry says grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I was going to tell you” he whispers.
“Tell me what, Harry what is going on?” I whisper looking all over his face for some kind of hint.
Chloe, the random blonde chick scoffs. “He’s apologizing for sleeping with me on several different occasions” she says suddenly filling in the blanks. “For sleeping with me and God knows how many other people, saying you guys are on a break” Chloe spits out with a vicious venom that seemed to only add a heavy feeling on his heart.
Suddenly my head is pounding as I am piecing everything together, what the girl is saying, Harry’s car, and Harry’s reaction. I suddenly can’t breathe or move. It’s like every muscle in my body has been covered with cement. I swallow thickly and look up at Harry. “Is it true, is she telling the truth?” I whisper glancing at Harry.
“It was only a few times, we only… It wasn’t serious!” Harry says quickly moving to grab my face gently. I quickly pull away and shove him. “A few times Harry? A few times with just her or a few times with multiple people!?” I yell still shoving him every time he gets close to me.
“Fuck you Harry!” I say shoving him one last time before putting real distance between us.
He steps forward to grab me and I put my hands up to avoid contact. “Give me my bag” I whisper. “No Lou, you’re not leaving like this” I shake my head.
“My work here is done, goodnight boys” Chloe says walking away as if she had nothing to do with the situation.
I scoff and look back to Harry. “Please just give me my bag…” I whisper in defeat. Harry shakes his head and tightens his hold on my bag and looks at me trying desperately to make eye contact.
I bite my lip and nod, “Harry you can’t make stay here by holding my things hostage. Stop being a child and give them to me!” I shout. Harry flinches and looks at my face.
“You stop being a child and talk to me! Stop pulling away from me, ask me to explain!” Harry practically begs.
I look into his eyes almost thinking that as I do it will fix everything and we can pretend it never happened. Instead I saw someone I didn’t recognize. Suddenly everything I was so sure of wasn’t as sure.
“It’s over Harry. This, us… It’s over.” I say quietly looking at the ground. “So can I please have my bag?” I say starting to get frustrated.
“No, we’re not over, we can’t be” he says as he rushes to me.
“Hazz...” I whisper quietly finally looking at him. I see the spark of hope glimmer in his eyes when I use the nickname. “We were over the day you cheated on me, we just didn’t know it yet” I say taking my bag from Harry.
“Please Lou, let’s talk about this… please let me explain” he pleads grabbing my face to hold me close.
“It’s been a long night, and you have a frat thing and I’m tired right now harry. I’m not in the mood, please let me go before I miss the last bus…” as I am trying to keep myself together so neither one of us breaks. Harry falls to his knees and wraps his arms around my middle. “I don’t care Lou. Please don’t leave like this, let me take you home at least”
I look down at him and the tears start to fall. “No” I say pulling away from him and walked to the bus stop.
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Blog post #1381 October 14, 2015
Unbreakapartable, a word Harry created to explain our relationship. A perfect word in my mind. So simple and it sounded so right you didn’t have to think about it. I didn’t have to think about a lot of things with Harry. Now I can’t stop thinking, the thoughts are spilling out of every nook and cranny in my mind. The thing that surprised me most was that a word that you used to warm my heart, now chilled my soul. Unbreakapartable, such a stupid word. Especially when you realize that the thing that was supposed to be Unbreakapartable, just snapped. And I’m not sure we can ever put it back together. He cheated… We broke up… It’s over.
Louis T xx