Chapter Text
Jin wakes sluggishly to the sounds of distant chatter, muffled footsteps, and the hum of electrical equipment. When he manages to peel open his eyelids he finds himself back in his hospital room, only now with a cannula in his arm leading to a hanging IV of clear fluid. That and a dull ache in his chest and side.
He turns his head and Yoongi is still there as promised. He must have noticed Jin’s movement because he tosses his phone aside to lay a hand on Jin’s knee. “Did you just wake up, hyung? How do you feel?”
“Not bad, all things considered. They must have given me the good drugs.”
Yoongi doesn’t smile at the joke.
Jin grins at the expected reaction but it fades when he swallows against the dryness in his throat. “Can I have some water please?”
Yoongi is up and filling the plastic glass before Jin finishes his request. He even holds the straw to Jin’s mouth. “The nurse said the surgery went well,” he says as Jin drinks. “She’ll be back to check on you soon.”
Jin makes a thumbs up but is too tired to lift his hand off the bed. He gulps down nearly all the water before pulling away.
As Yoongi returns the glass the door opens and his nurse enters the room. For a moment chatter and rustle blares before she closes the door and then it’s background noise again.
“I’m glad to see you’re awake, Seokjin-ssi,” the nurse says. Bomi, Jin thinks, and is proven correct when she’s close enough to read the nameplate pinned to her scrubs. “How are you feeling?”
Jin repeats the same line he said to Yoongi but this time he gets a polite chuckle.
“I’m glad to hear that. The doctor will be along shortly to discuss the surgery and answer any questions you have but first I need to do a quick check-up, is that okay?”
“Sure.”
Bomi takes his blood pressure, measures his heart rate, and records the readings of the machine he’s hooked up too. Once she’s done she stands at the foot of his bed. “Everything’s looking good, Seokjin-ssi. Now, do you think you can answer some questions for me?”
“Fire away.”
Beside him Yoongi scoots forward on his chair.
“Can you tell me what surgery you received today?” Bomi asks.
“Hanahaki removal,” Jin answers immediately.
Bomi taps on her tablet. “Why did you need this surgery?”
This question feels redundant following the previous one but Jin answers anyway. “To remove the flowers growing in my lungs so I don’t die?”
“Can you tell me the type of flower?”
“Tiger lilies.”
“What do tiger lilies mean to you?”
“Nothing. I don’t think I’ve even seen one in real life before.”
Yoongi’s head drops and Jin glances over. Perhaps he has seen one in real life then.
Bomi’s gaze flickers from Jin to Yoongi and back again as she turns her tablet round. “Could you point out which of these flowers is a tiger lily?”
The screen shows six pictures of orange flowers. “The one on the bottom left.” He recognises the long, curved petals and brown spots, though he can’t recall learning that information. Bomi gives nothing away and Yoongi is still staring at the floor but Jin knows he’s right.
“I’m afraid we’re onto the more personal questions now,” Bomi says. “Are you currently in love, Seokjin-ssi?”
Jin does not have to think to answer that question. “No.”
“Were you in love before the surgery?”
This question has him pausing. Yes? No? Both answers are somehow correct and wrong at the same time and his mind scrambles to make sense of the inconsistency.
Logically, yes, he must have been in love, so irrefutably in love that tiger lilies sprouted in his lungs and he needed surgery to remove the mass. But no, because he has no memory of being in love, no memory of having any such feelings. “I guess I was. I mean, I must have been if I’m here.”
Bomi nods. “Do you have the photo, Yoongi-ssi?"
Yoongi says nothing as he opens the gallery on his phone while Jin’s heart speeds up in anticipation. Without a word and an expression carefully neutral, Yoongi shows Jin an image of a man.
This must be him. The man Jin had loved so much it drove him to sickness.
He’s younger than Jin with dark hair curling around his ears. He’s handsome too, not striking like Taehyung but boyishly attractive with a wide smile and a cute nose scrunch. Most surprising to Jin are the piercings and tattoos. One arm is littered in ink, right from his fingers and reaching up past his forearm, bicep, and into his short sleeves. On top of that he has an eyebrow piercing, double lip rings, and at least five small hoops in each ear.
He's not Jin’s type at all. He’s never been into such bold looks; if anything this man’s appearance is a turn-off.
Had Jin liked his piercings and tattoos? Or had he liked this person regardless?
“Do you recognise that man?” Bomi asks.
Jin shakes his head.
In his peripheral vision Yoongi’s hand curls into a fist. Why? Is he angry at this person for causing Jin to develop hanahaki? It’s hardly this guy’s fault that he doesn’t love Jin back.
“Does the sight of him elicit any feelings from you?”
“None.”
“If I told you his name is Jeon Jungkook would that make a difference?”
Jeon Jungkook. It’s a nice name. But meaningless to him.
“No.”
“Could you show him the second photo please?” Bomi asks Yoongi.
Yoongi opens a picture of an older couple and a man, all three dressed up and beaming at the camera. Jin tugs Yoongi’s hand closer to him and squints at the photo.
“Do you recognise these people?” Bomi asks.
“They seem a little familiar, like we’ve met once before. I think… I’m not sure. Who are they?”
“They’re Jungkookie’s parents and brother,” Yoongi replies. He points at each person and says their name.
“Do you remember them anymore now?” Bomi asks.
“No, but that’s normal, isn’t it? I was told my memories of people I knew through… through the person I loved would be fuzzy.”
“It’s perfectly normal. The more you associate someone or something with Jungkook-ssi the less likely you are to remember them. Yoongi-ssi, can you bring up the third photo?”
Wordlessly Yoongi scrolls through the gallery and hands over his phone again. The image is a group shot this time, one of the six of them, plus this Jeon Jungkook.
“Can you name everyone in this photo?”
“Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Yoongi, myself…” His past self is grinning wide at the camera even though he’s in a headlock. “Jeon Jungkook I assume, and then Kim Namjoon.”
Bomi nods like she’s happy with that answer. “Do you remember this photo being taken?”
They had been out drinking. Not for any particular reason, just a Friday night out for a meal after work which evolved into too many drinks and an impromptu noraebang session. During the walk between the restaurant and the noraebang, Jimin had whipped out his camera extender and persuaded them to be still for ten seconds. He does not remember this Jungkook being there. He doesn’t remember being in a headlock either. If he’d been asked before seeing the photo he would have believed he’d been stood between Yoongi and Namjoon, just laughing.
This guy was there too?
“Yes, but I don’t remember Jungkook being there or in the photo with us.”
Bomi smiles and lowers her tablet. “This is all very good to hear, Seokjin-ssi. The surgery appears to have been completely successful in removing your feelings and all memories of this man. The doctor will perform a more thorough check-up later but for now you can rest. Is there anything you need before I go?”
Jin declines and Bomi exits the room.
Once the door clicks shut, Yoongi slumps over in his chair and exhales a shuddering breath. Jin doesn't expect him to be cheering in excitement but the surgery was a success and there doesn’t appear to be any side effects. Surely it’s cause for some happiness?
“So… Jeon Jungkook huh?” Jin says, half to bring some life to the maudlin atmosphere and half because he is genuinely curious, as he imagines everyone who’s gone through the surgery would be. He returns Yoongi’s phone. “I see you’ve met him then?”
“Ye-” Yoongi clears his throat. “Yeah. I know him.”
“He’s not your cousin is he? That would be awkward.”
“He’s a friend.” Yoongi’s tone remains flat and devoid of emotion.
“Not your best friend though? Right? Don’t tell me you’ve been cheating on me with him.”
“Hyung, don’t make jokes,” Yoongi mumbles. “Not about this.”
Jin’s joyful mood dips. “Because I could have died or because it’s who I could have died over?”
“Both.”
“Yoongichi, I’m going to be okay so don’t worry about that anymore. And whoever Jeon Jungkook is, it’ll all be fine. Obviously he didn’t love me and now I don’t love him so whatever bad feelings there were between us have gone. We can all put this behind us and move on.” Jin means it. His spirit is light like an unseen pressure has lifted. There’s no reason they need to linger on the past or the bad of it all.
Yoongi finally looks up and meets Jin’s gaze. “He- Jungkookie doesn’t know about this. About your feelings, about the hanahaki, or about the surgery.”
“I didn’t confess? I mean that sounds like me but it doesn’t sound like something you’d let me do.” Even without knowing Jeon Jungkook the thought of confessing something so emotionally vulnerable has him squirming. But he can’t imagine Yoongi would let him get surgery and go through weeks of recovery rather than face rejection. Why didn’t he force Jin to speak up or go behind his back when it could possibly have spared him all this?
“If it was anyone else I would have,” Yoongi says. “But it’s Jungkookie. Our Jungkookie. He’s… sweet, soft-hearted, the kind of person who would feel so guilty for causing your hanahaki that he’d spend the rest of his life pretending to love you. And he does love you – a lot, maybe more than he loves the rest of us – but he’s not… not in love with you.” Yoongi’s voice quietens at the end, as if he’s trying to cushion the blow of his words. Jin smiles at that. Unneeded as it is now, he appreciates his gentleness.
“Sounds like I made the best choice for the two of us then.” Jin pauses. Considers Yoongi’s statement. “He loves me a lot? How well do I know this guy?”
Yoongi turns his head away.
That doesn’t bode well.
“We’ve known him for ten years.”
Jin’s gawks at Yoongi. “Ten years?”
“He’s in our group. He’s one of us.”
“Oh,” Jin says slowly.
Fuck. Jeon Jungkook is not an acquaintance Jin can cut out of his life. He’s a close friend integrated into their slightly co-dependant group which means he’s not going anywhere.
“How embarrassing for me,” Jin says, aiming to make light of the situation even while he’s still struck on that revelation. “It could be worse though, I could have fallen in love with you. At least I don’t live with him.”
Yoongi doesn’t respond.
Jin sits up, grimacing through the ache. “Please tell me we don’t live with him.”
“No, he’s got his own apartment. But he does stay over a least once a week. And you stay over at his place sometimes too.”
“So we spend a lot of time together? Do you think that’s why I fell in love with him? All that,” Jin flaps a hand, “frequent proximity?”
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“It could have been! It’s not like I get out of the house much or meet new people. Maybe he was convenient.”
“He isn’t. He…” Yoongi hesitates. “He has feelings for someone else.”
“Ooh, what a twist.” And it is, Jin didn’t see that coming. “My love life is worthy of a twenty-episode drama. What actor do you see playing me?”
“Hyung, can you be serious for one minute?”
“I can but why should I? Today’s a good day, Yoongi-yah, let’s enjoy it.”
“Today is not a good day. It’s a fucking awful day. Do you know how many hours I spent in the waiting room terrified you were going to die? Or how guilty I feel lying to our friends and your family because I’m the only one who knows about this? Or how scared I’ve been for thinking I pushed you into a wrong decision? I get that you’re high on painkillers right now and I wish I was happy about this mess but I’m not.” Yoongi turns away, but not quick enough for Jin to miss the tears in his eyes.
Jin says nothing immediately. He understands where Yoongi is coming from and is sympathetic to his feelings, it’s just hard to feel the same when stripped of pain and the burden of memories. “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I shouldn’t have put this on you. I should have dealt with the hanahaki myself.”
“Don’t- no, that’s not what I meant.” Yoongi turns back and they both pretend he’s not of the verge of breaking down. “We don’t need to discuss this now. Enjoy the drugs and we can be serious later.”
“Okay.” Jin stretches out his hand, palm side up.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going to hold hands.”
Yoongi side eyes him. “How high are you?”
“Not very. If anything I think I’m coming down.” Jin wiggles his fingers. “Come on, don’t pretend you don’t want to.”
Without looking, Yoongi presses their palms together and entwines their fingers. “I’m doing this for you.”
“Same.”
Jin settles back down and closes his eyes.
#
They don’t talk about Jeon Jungkook again that first day. Jin convinces Yoongi to head home to shower and sleep while Jin mostly dozes on and off or plays on his Switch because Yoongi confiscated his phone. At the end of the day Bomi once again repeats all the same questions and Jin provides the same answers which pleases her. In the morning the surgeon drops by for an examination and proclaims he’s recovering well. After a third repeat of Bomi’s tests she encourages him out of bed where he mostly shuffles to the bathroom and back again.
In the afternoon Yoongi returns. The bags under his eyes are smaller and his clothes are clean and wrinkle free. His smile is still small and forced. They discuss the mundanities of their day while managing to dance around all mention of the hanahaki, Jeon Jungkook, or even their friends. Only where there’s a lull does Jin make a request which he knows will lead to the topic.
“Can I have my phone back?”
Yoongi visibly deliberates before asking, “Do you think you’re ready?”
“I need the internet, Yoongi-yah, I’m bored.”
Yoongi gives him a look.
“Yes, I’m ready. Honestly I think you’re making it out to be much worse than it will be.”
“You made this decision too, hyung.”
“Yeah but that was a different me. That me overestimated how much Jeon Jungkook would affect me. I have no reservation about seeing his pictures or messages.”
Yoongi hands Jin’s phone over. “He has been messaging you a lot.”
“Has anyone else?” Jin asks as he enters his passcode. There’s only a couple of notifications since Yoongi’s been checking his messages in case of an emergency.
“A couple from your parents which I answered and your old school friends were asking about your holiday so I sent them some of your pictures.”
Jin opens that chat and scrolls through the staged photos he’d taken a week ago. It’s obvious he’s lost weight and the bags under his eyes do him no favours, but his grin is real. That day he’d dragged Yoongi onto the train with a suitcase of costume changes and they’d spent the afternoon sightseeing, eating, and taking dozens of photos. Yoongi had enjoyed the trip too, barely grumbling when Jin forced him into matching tourist t-shirts even though he wasn’t in any of the pictures.
He reads through the chat and decides Yoongi’s responses are passable despite lacking character. He maintains the same tone in the other chats too but no one seems to pick up on the subtle tonal and rhythmic differences.
No one except Jeon Jungkook. In their private chat he comments on the disparity and follows with a few tame jokes at Jin’s expense.
And Jin is taken aback. Why is he the only one who notices? Are they so close?
For a moment he’s almost flattered to be so known until he remembers who it is that knows him. Is this how he’d fallen in love? Had Jin’s heart soaked up too much of Jungkook’s attentiveness and mutated it into something it never was? Is this how it began?
Jin sets his phone down. “I’m ready. Tell me who Jeon Jungkook is and why I loved him.”