Archive of Our Own

Hyun-tak sat on the bed, his gaze scanning the silhouette of the man perched above him, his crescent-shaped eyes betraying his smile hidden by the darkness of the room.

"Are you gonna do something or what?" scoffed Hyun-tak, his breath a little too shaky to not betray his nervousness.

"Damn. Eager, aren’t we?"

In this moment, Hyun-tak wanted nothing more than to grab the pillow next to him and smack the other square in the fucking face.

"Shut the hell up and get moving. I’m going to lose my hard-on and kick you out of my house at this rate."

Seong-je hummed, his gums glistening a little in the dark, catching the moonlight. The only other source of light was coming from the streetlights under the window. The orange glow was giving away the blush on Hyun-tak’s face, bringing warm hues to his flushed neck. Hyun-tak had knowingly chosen to stay in the dark. It was easier to forget who he was with this way.

The man replied in a heartbeat. "We wouldn’t want that, obviously."

Hyun-tak closed his eyes. He was never the type to show patience for too long. He was quick with words and moves; he didn’t like to waste his time thinking too much.

Because he was, after all, under all that impatience and reckless behavior, a stupidly good overthinker.
He knew by now that if he wasn’t moving, he was decaying. Back when he was still practicing taekwondo, even his teacher had a hard time teaching him self-control. That just wasn’t his thing.

If he wanted to move, he had to. Maybe that was why he had always loved playing sports growing up. Getting his body moving, whether it was in co-ed sports or not, had always helped him get rid of his thoughts. Taekwondo, on the other hand, was a different thing. Since diligence and studying the opponent's moves were core values of the martial art.

It had been tough at first; he couldn’t keep still. Always throwing the first kick, not caring to think about the aftermath. Still, thanks to it, he was now more than capable of holding his ground, his witted reflexes doing the work for him. Even against all the odds, he had became great at this sport. Always had thought that co-ed sports like basketball or football were his calling, but taekwondo became much more than that.

He was good at it. No, great at it.

Obviously, that was because he had trained a lot. Until he was shaking on the ground, his legs numb from exhaustion. The amount of time he had spent there, catching his breath, just to get up again endlessly.

A never-ending circle. One he didn’t want to break, one he couldn’t break. Because once he was unmoving, his thoughts inevitably started to race.

He had stayed late behind many times, after everyone had left the room. Since he was on his teacher's good side, borrowing a spare key wasn’t too hard. He was trusted by his peers, even though he could see by the looks of some of them, hidden jealousy under their praise.

Hell, he had probably trained longer than most of them. He wasn’t a quitter either; that was his most precious quality. He just simply couldn’t stop. Once he was in the course, he was going to cross that finish line, even if it meant he was never getting up again.

Maybe that was why he had never truly recovered from that terrific part of his life. When his knee twisted, when the soft tissue broke and got crushed under that unforgivable foot.

When he couldn’t tell where he was anymore, blinded by rage and the pain blossoming in his head. Nothing could've prepared him for this pain.

Not a single late-practice and over-exhaustion of the limbs, not a single strain or broken ankle, nor a broken arm or a punch to the skull. It was a blooming pain, one he couldn’t shake the feeling and memory of.

One that never truly leaves, one that always made sure to remember you that it was still there. When you make a single bad movement, when you make the mistake of putting too much weight on it. There was always a reminder.

He was still living after all. It didn’t kill him. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger or something like that. Probably said by someone who has never experienced such pain in their life. Because that may not have killed his heart, but that had definitely killed his whole life.
His dream.

That dream of his, which told him he could do great things and be recognized for it. That all his efforts could get rewarded by the praise of others, by self-satisfaction on looking back at how far he had gone, and how all the sacrifices he had made were paying off.

It didn’t kill him. But it crushed everything he knew. Didn’t kill him, but broke his life in two. One before, and one after. Never the same afterwards.

Still, he fought back, at least that was what his mother and his teacher had said. Baku didn’t say anything. Baku just cried until his eyes became puffy and dry, until he couldn’t sleep without holding Hyun-tak’s hand in his own. Because what Baku was carrying wasn’t just the pain of seeing his best friend lose his dream and will to live. It was also regret and guilt eating him alive.

That had made the pain too hard to endure without breaking down at night, when the ecstasy of the day had faded away, and the shouting match with his father had begun. Hyun-tak knew it all too well.

He knew, but never said anything back then, when Baku came to see him every day at the hospital.

He never mentioned anything, either when Baku was carrying his school bag or when the discomfort was impossible to ignore and he was limping more than usual. Or when he had to stop to catch his breath on a stairwell, and he had felt the guilt-filled look of his best friend on him, without having to lift his head to catch it.

He knew Baku had suffered from it, even though he would never say it out loud to his face.

He figured that was because Baku didn’t want to burden Hyun-tak with his own sorrow. He didn’t feel strong enough to make the words “I should have never been your friend in the first place, if I had known it’d come to this” go past his lips. They never needed words between the two of them; that was their forte. They both knew what the other’s thoughts were, and that was enough. They were best friends after all, there was nothing they could hide from each other. Except there was.

And that huge, ugly lie had taken the form of Keum Seong-je.

A pathetic excuse of a troubled kid who had grown up into a twisted teenager who thought that being a teen came with dealing drugs and partaking in shadow boxing anyone who dared to look him in the eyes for more than 3 seconds.

Clearly a twisted and perverted individual if you’d ask Go Hyun-tak. Sadly, that hadn’t stopped him from bringing Seong-je into his home at midnight, after they had shared their long-stopped-counting kiss in an alleyway after punching each other’s faces for thirty minutes.

And here they were, staring at each other again, minus the rain soaking their clothes. The one thing that hadn’t changed was the feral and defiant look in Hyun-tak’s eyes, and the amused and annoyed look in Seong-je's.

“Damn, and here I was thinking that you were a big boy who knew what he was doing," he sighed exaggeratedly, diverting his eyes away, knowing he could get a reaction out of it. “Guess I was wrong.”

Seong-je only grinned. “You won’t get anything if you keep on being a nuisance. Didn’t your mama teach you that being good gets you praises and shit, hm?”

That got a reaction out of Hyun-tak.
Screw himself for being easy to rile up, he guesses.

“You piece of shit. Don’t say anything about my mom when you’re standing in her house.”

“Yeah, right. No talking bad about the mom, got it, mama’s boy.” He slowly moved towards Hyun-tak’s spot. "So, how are we gonna do this?” He brought a hand to Hyun-tak’s face, slowly caressing his jaw and temples, like dealing with a scared animal.

Hyun-tak furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?”

“Fuck. You sure you’re not the inexperienced one here?” The motherfucker smiled, and Hyun-tak swore he would beat the hell out of him if he ever had the chance again.

Of course, he would get the opportunity again, but right now, he really, really wanted to do something that wasn’t throwing himself straight at Seong-je. Or maybe he wanted to do that too, just simply in a different way.

“Shut the hell up.” He raised his hand to Seong-je’s belt and lowered him to his level, before catching his mouth in a kiss.

Seong-je’s sole reaction was to laugh.

That bastard.

Too bad, he was already going for it. His hands shot up to the back of Seong-je’s neck, curling his arms around it, trapping the other. He kept moving against Seong-je’s lips, trying to open them up to get to what he wanted. When Seong-je refused him that, Hyun-tak pulled back, annoyed. “The hell? I thought you wanted that. Why are you not responding?”

He clicked his tongue in irritation, loosening his arms to create some distance between them. He wasn’t going to give anything if he wasn’t sure the other person wanted it too, especially if the other person wasn’t putting in the effort.

“Just observing, baby.”

Hyun-tak cringed hard at the nickname. “Don’t call me that, fucker. We’re not anything.”

If he hadn’t been before, he was now starting to get irritated. He knew bringing Seong-je in here was a bad idea.

Seong-je stilled his hand, resting on Hyun-tak’s face, then gripped his jaw in a tight hold. “Bad boy. Not an ounce of patience or anything.” Then, he leaned in and kissed Hyun-tak. He didn’t wait for the other to open his lips, unlike Hyun-tak, and went straight to biting and forcing him open.

Hyun-tak made a small growl, unhappy to have failed where Seong-je clearly had succeeded. Seong-je leaned in further and rested his hands on Hyun-tak’s body, caging him on the bed.

Hyun-tak mirrored him and leaned back on his own hands behind him, wordlessly and eagerly allowing Seong-je to continue. The kiss grew sloppier, Seong-je’s body pushing Hyun-tak on his back, never once breaking the hold his lips had on Hyun-tak’s.

“There we go," he chuckled.

His lips were barely touching the other now, warm breath hitting Hyun-tak's sensitive skin.

“Getting satisfied?”

“Not even close, fucker.” Hyun-tak closed the bridge himself and brought Seong-je in for another kiss. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself and kept on stroking Seong-je’s back, unsatisfied when Seong-je wasn’t touching him anywhere. He was near breaking the kiss when Seong-je finally moved.

Slowly, he descended to his collarbone and planted kisses on the skin there. Hyun-tak’s hands buried themselves into Seongje’s hair, grounding himself, eyes locked onto the ceiling, loving the feeling of a wet mouth warming up his skin.

The air was a little chilly in the bedroom, but he figured there was no need to start the radiator, since they were bound to warm up each other in the following minutes. Hyun-tak felt himself relax, his heartbeat slowing down with each kiss made on his skin. Seong-je’s mouth started to go lower and lower, until Hyun-tak’s shirt was blocking its path.

"Up," he ordered.

Hyun-tak rolled his eyes but obeyed nonetheless. He got rid of his shirt, tossing it next to him and allowing Seong-je’s mouth and hands to feel his chest. A hand found its way to one of his nipples, and his whole body jerked forward.

"What are you doing?" he whispered angrily.

Seong-je shot him an annoyed look. "Don't ask stupid questions, dumbass." To end his remark, he twisted painfully his nipple, making the other wince in pain.

"Ouch! Fucking asshole!" he gritted through his teeth, moving his chest away from Seong-je.

"Why? Doesn’t like it?" He smiled gleefully, like a kid playing with a toy.

"It hurts." Hyun-tak glared at him, face frowning from discomfort.

"Didn’t know you weren’t a fan of pain, could’ve fooled me." Seong-je tried to get closer again but Hyun-tak covered his chest with a hand across it.

"Not everyone’s a fucking masochist like you, you know?"

Seong-je grinned and pried Hyun-tak’s hand away, trying to win over the other by planting kisses down his collarbone again, slowly descending. "Keep talking, I’ll find a way to shut you up."

True to his words, his lips circled on one nipple, and his tongue played with it. Hyuntak’s hand unconsciously found its way to Seong-je’s hair, while letting out hissing sounds. His nails gritted against the other's scalp, tearing off some thin strands of hair in the process.

It was annoying how Seong-je’s hands seemed to know Hyun-tak’s body better than himself, and the man caught both hands when they tried to go to Seong-je’s shoulders to push him away. He continued his slow torture, glaring at the boy’s face twisted in confusion and wet eyes.

Seong-je hummed and circled it with his teeth; he could feel the other's body tensing up underneath him, back arching against the mattress. One thing he knew for sure, the sheets were going to end up wasted tonight.

Hyun-tak let out a shaky exhale. Seong-je tried to stop a grin from taking place on his face; he knew Hyun-tak was getting irritated just by how his breath was starting to speed up.

And in Hyun-tak’s language, it meant that he was losing patience.

It always went like this with them. Seong-je made the first move, and Hyun-tak, unable to voice his wants out loud, kept ordering Seong-je around and complaining, whining honestly, until the man got annoyed and lost patience with him.

They were both short on patience, they didn’t know how to take their time and were always unable to keep things slow and not lash out at each other. It was a miracle, truly, that they had managed to not kill each other before. Seong-je knew why Hyun-tak couldn’t stay away from him. It was glaringly obvious he was already knee deep in obsession and want, needing Seong-je’s attention and touch on him all the time, even if it hurt.

Especially if it hurt him.

Hyun-tak was like that, easy to read for everyone around him. His every thought written on his face for everyone to read. And Seong-je basked in that fact.

If Seong-je was a masochist and a sadist, Hyun-tak wasn’t far from it either. He didn’t receive the same pleasure from pain as Seong-je, who received pain as a reward and was unable to distinguish between the two.
A very hedonist for every spark of pain.

No, what Hyun-tak received from pain, was a punishment. One for every need and want he had. He hated wanting, hated the pain that came with it, but welcomed it anyway, he felt himself deserving of it.Hyun-tak thought too much, yet not enough. Seong-je was fascinated by that every time he encountered it. His body was always moving before his head, resulting in him being unable to understand why he kept coming back to the man he knew was no good for him.

Seong-je thought Hyun-tak should stop thinking altogether. And speaking by the same occasion. Only annoying things came out of his mouth.

Even if he couldn’t read minds, Seong-je was sure he could hear “why am I doing this over and over again?” coming from every corner of Hyun-tak’s mind. He was like that, a bit slow on the uptake. A paradox of a man, shame written in every corner of his face, in bold letters. Seong-je frequently thought that it was a shame that this was so easy to see. He kind of wished only he could see the expressions flicker rapidly on Hyuntak’s face, like no one had ever taught him to hide them.

He stopped his attack on his nipples, leaving them shiny with spit, red and erect. When he brought his head up, eyes same level as Hyun-tak's, his wide grin met the other's angry expression and pout. "Already angry with me, baby?" he asked, his eyes lit up in excitement.

"Shut up."

And that, he did. Their teeth collided in a painful clash, angle wrong, making them wince, tongues curling around the other in a broken rhythm. Seong-je purposefully tried to slip his own to the end of Hyun-tak's mouth, right where his throat began.

Hyun-tak coughed into the kiss and tried to break free to regain breath, but Seong-je refused him this and kept his hands on each side of his face, forcing him to endure.

Their tongues moved around in sync with Seong-je’s sometimes going too far, making Hyun-tak choke over and over again.

Hyun-tak kept on growling in his throat every time it happened, but never made the move to free himself completely of Seong-je’s hold.

He never really freed himself from Seong-je. Always staying at arms-length, enough to draw boundaries, but never enough for him to leave. He never really wanted to be free from Seong-je, quietly loving the attacks the other made on him.

Always taking a step back, for the other to follow. And Seong-je knew that perfectly, but was never the one to really mind the chase. The thrill of the pursuit always his favorite feeling.

Hyun-tak finally broke free when the coughing started to get too much and he couldn’t catch a breath long enough to fill up his lungs. Seong-je looked at him, expressionless, before deciding to flip him suddenly on his stomach.

And Hyun-tak definitely didn’t like to be surprised in this way, in proof of the slur coming out of his mouth. Seong-je didn’t listen to it. When did he, really?

He dragged Hyun-tak down, manhandling him without a care in the world. Hyun-tak stopped resisting when his knees hit the floor, just at the foot of the bed, the top part of his body still pressed on the mattress by Seong-je’s hand on the middle of his back. "Stay still."

Hyun-tak said nothing. He figured he could do that for once, then yell and kick later if it went too far for his liking.

He didn’t like not seeing anything, just the top of the bed staring straight at him, his only sensations being Seong-je’s touch on him and the cold floor against his knees.

Staring at nothing tended to make his thoughts go wild and make him lose touch with reality.

He bit back an insult, directed towards Seong-je, for making him kneel on the floor, when the man knew very well by now that Hyun-tak couldn’t stay in this position for too long unless he wanted to start limping again.

Of course, the fucker knew yet still did it. Every action had a purpose in Seongje’s mind. He was the opposite of Hyun-tak, always planning and being constantly ahead of anyone. He moved through life like a fish underwater, while Hyun-tak was more like a mole made to crawl on earth, in a blind environment.

The few times Hyun-tak had managed to get a surprised reaction from Seong-je never really ended well. He figured out Seong-je liked to predict his every move—not that it was really that hard to begin with—but the other way around was out of question. But Hyun-tak had this reckless way of thinking, which didn’t stop him from doing things without any logic attached. Like punching Seong-je straight in the face, after a kiss, long after an argument ended, just because he was still pissed, even if it looked like he had moved on.

His anger ran deep, especially when it came to Seong-je. He couldn’t tolerate much from this man and every day felt like a patience test made by God Himself. Why he was still hanging around him was a mystery.

He was brought back to reality with just a touch. His thoughts slipped away with the feeling of a thumb tracing down his spine in a slow, methodical kind of touch, caressing every dent reverently.

“What–?" started Hyun-tak, taken aback by the sudden intimacy.

Seong-je only shushed him and continued his slow exploration of Hyuntak’s back. His hand was moving meticulously on his lower back, approaching dangerously the end of his spine, down to the hollow of his back.

Hyun-tak suppressed a shiver; however, a small sound came out of his throat, revealing his discomfort.

That piqued Seongje’s curiosity, his eyebrow shooting up. “Ticklish, are we?”

Hyun-tak squirmed against Seongje’s grip on his back, which was now moving lower on purpose. “Fuck off," he gasped.

“No need to ask me, I’m gonna do that anyway," scoffed Seong-je in return.

His palms went to rest against Hyuntak’s ass, fingers flexing against the soft flesh, letting out a low whistle in appreciation, and Hyun-tak never hated a sound that much before. He wanted to commit a murder.

“Damn. Who knew taekwondo training could help you build that much down there?”

“I’m going to kill you, I’m serious," he gritted through his teeth, before closing his eyes and letting his face rest on the mattress, waiting for shame to swallow him whole. Seong-je paid him no mind and continued to touch his skin, like a perverted and virgin man who had never touched another body in his life.

Yet Hyun-tak knew that only the former part was true, so really, Seong-je had no excuse for being that shameless. To be honest, it seemed like shame didn’t exist in Seong-je’s vocabulary.

His simple-minded spirit couldn’t grasp the concepts of shame and guilt. He was immune to any thoughts that dwelt on the past and how he could be perceived by others. Maybe that was what made him so different from the crowd. The ability to not care about any social norms was most definitely not found in anyone, and certainly not in Hyun-tak.

He continued to grasp his cheeks, then spread them apart suddenly. Hyun-tak froze from the sudden and invasive move.

He tried to get up.

Of course, Seong-je expected it and pressed his foot on Hyun-tak’s left knee, pinning it there and restraining his whole body from shifting. He now couldn’t move freely without risking aggravating his injury.

“You jerk, I hate you. Let me go," he spat, turning his head on its side. His palms shot to his side to push himself up.

“Nuh-uh. Wouldn’t want your precious knee to get injured again," said Seong-je, a dangerous grin folding his face in half, his eyes telling the story of someone who had just gotten what they wanted.

“You’re just toying with me, you motherfucker," snapped Hyun-tak, still desperately trying to break free from the firm hand on him. “Bringing you here was a mistake.”

Seong-je’s glare quickly became annoyed—not that Hyun-tak could see it anyway. But he definitely felt the change coming from the man currently pinning him down. Every time Seong-je’s mood changed, the whole atmosphere seemed to switch with it.

That reminded Hyun-tak of the first time he saw this dead stare directed back at him. The chill that ran down his spine and the deep fear instilled in him after having made the small mistake of looking into those eyes that reminded him more of an animal than a human being.

He knew better than to argue with Seong-je when his dull eyes were exposing the most disgusting and inhumane part of his soul.

When Hyun-tak felt a nail grazing against his rim, his body locked.

His heartbeat started to race, and his palms quickly became sweaty, still holding onto the sheet. Seong-je’s hands seemed to have made a mission of caressing every part of his body, without warning, never staying too long for Hyun-tak to get used to it.

The end of fingers rested against his balls, palming them, like they were random goods. If he didn’t want to cry from shame before, then now he definitely wanted to. Suddenly, with an iron grip, Seong-je grabbed his length.

He definitely did not let out an embarrassing noise in a high pitch. He was sure of it. Though if he could trust the noise of Seong-je’s laugh behind him, it had most likely happened.

Hyun-tak was really starting to shake hard now, his thighs trying to close and protect his private parts. Seong-je did not like that one bit and spread them further apart with both his hands. He kneeled, his left knee still resting on Hyuntak’s bad one, his breath brushing over Hyuntak’s sensitive skin.

In that moment, Hyun-tak really fantasized about running away, driven by the frantic beating of his heart, leaving Seong-je alone in his house.

He didn’t know why he was so uncomfortable. Hell, it’s not like he was a virgin. He’d been intimate with someone before, his then-girlfriend in his first year of high school. He knew what it felt like to have hands on your body that weren’t yours, touching and seeing parts of yourself that you usually hide, even from yourself.

But that was on a whole other level. His ex had never touched him that way, mainly because they were both young and inexperienced, and most importantly, not of the same gender. He should have prepared himself mentally, before even bringing Seong-je home, of the fact that sex between two men usually meant anal intercourse.

And by the look of it—lucky for him—he was the one on the receiving end.

“Are you– are you going to put it inside?” he questioned, unsure, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice.

“Why? Scared?” A voice replied to him, breathing way too close to his privates for his taste.

Hyun-tak took a second to form a reply in his head. Scared? Obviously, he was. But did Seong-je needed to know that? Absolutely not.

But knowing Seong-je, he had most likely noticed already.

“No. Are you?” he shot back, kind of proud of himself for the fact that his voice didn’t break once.

“Never been before.”

And that was all the warning he got before feeling a wet tongue pushing inside his ass. His breath caught and he grabbed the sheets harder than before. It felt extremely weird since nothing had ever touched him there before.

The feeling it brought was new and a bit nauseating, with the twisting of a tongue wetting the inside with saliva. He let the seconds pass, and just as he was slowly getting accustomed to the feeling, the tongue was gone.

He blinked, once or twice, unsure how to voice his thoughts aloud. Then, something new made contact with his rim. Something that was not wet, something made of flesh and bone.

“What–?”

He never got to finish his question before he felt something going inside him. "What the fuck is this?”

“It’s a finger, dumbass," casually replied Seong-je, like it was a perfectly normal thing to say and not fucking up with Hyun-tak's sanity.

“Yeah, I figured it out, you dumb fuck," he spat with force, the confusion leaving its place on his face for anger. “My question is why?”

Seong-je’s finger stilled for an instant. “Just how do you think men fuck each other, Gogo?”

Hyun-tak chose to ignore the nickname that was absolutely not for Seong-je to use. “I don’t know," he said at first, startled, then quickly followed it by: “I mean—no, I know. But how—why are you putting a finger inside?”

At that point, he no longer knew what he was saying. Every thought had left his brain. “Aren’t you supposed to put inside –uh, you know– something else?”

“You sure you’re not a virgin?” asked the other man before moving his finger further inside.

"Pretty sure, asshole. Answer my question.”

He removed his finger and sighed. Which was very out of character for him, Hyun-tak noted. “An anus isn’t meant for penetration, dumb fuck. You’ve got to loosen it up before you want to put anything bigger inside.”

"Ah.” Hyun-tak was reduced to silence, his own ignorance catching up to him.

"Then continue, I guess," he sighed, still uncomfortable with the whole thing but he guessed it was better to trust Seong-je on that.

He had no idea if the man behind him had ever fucked men before; he figured that maybe it was the case if he knew the steps already. Hyun-tak could only hate himself for not doing any research beforehand.

Which, perhaps, could have been humiliating at first, but still better than hearing Seong-je of all people teach him things like that. When he heard nothing but silence from behind, he stilled.

He tried, like before, to get up using his hands, but a direct and sharp pressure went onto his left knee, and he let out a small cry of pain as a result.

“Fucking asshole," he muttered. “Fine, ignore me, but don’t just say nothing," he said again, his temper flaring up.

All that answered him was quiet.

He couldn't help but grow uncomfortable with the fact that the other could, without a single doubt, crush his knee with his own weight. And also, the fact that he was standing only centimeters away from Hyun-tak’s private parts, while Hyun-tak couldn’t see anything, nor move.

He guessed that was how people in submissive situations felt. Unaware of everything, unable to predict where the whole thing was going, at the complete mercy of another.

A chill ran down his spine, fear started to seep into his bones the more the silence settled in. He was going to say something again, probably something stupid, distressed from the silence, when he heard the sound of a spit.

His first thought was: did this asshole just spat on my floor?

Before he got his question answered, he felt something bigger than before pressing on his rim. He was unable to hide the sound of a startled growl when the pressure accentuated and pressed onto his hole.

“What the fuck is that?”

“Are you seriously gonna ask the same question over and over again?” replied Seong-je, clearly annoyed, with a barely hidden mockery in his voice.

The fingers, two or three, Hyun-tak wasn’t sure, started moving and stretching him and he bit back a yelp. The touch felt uncomfortable and intrusive.

"Take it out asshole, take it the fuck out!”

“Relax, just relax and it’s gonna be fine," said Seong-je, dismissing him without a single thought.

"Easy to say when you’re not the one with fingers up in your ass. Take it out, I’m serious, Seong-je."

Seong-je sighed again—this was starting to become a habit—and reluctantly took his fingers out. “How are you going to get laid if you can’t even take my fingers? Seriously.”

His tone was laced with irritation but Hyun-tak couldn’t care less about how the other felt. He managed to put his elbows on the mattress and rose a little, just enough to turn his head to glare at the man behind him.

"You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

Instantly, a grin full of bad intent welcomed him. Seong-je was now sitting on the ground, one of his elbows resting on his knee, the other leg lying out in front of him. His hair was a bit disheveled from Hyun-tak’s prior touch yet he looked relaxed, perfectly at ease, his eyes half-lidded.

Beautiful, thought Hyun-tak. Too bad be was a real asshole.

"Nah, you’re the first one to say that, actually.”

Hyun-tak scoffed at how sure of himself he looked. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, seeing Seong-je instead of white sheets really helped him ease away his anxiety. That, and the fact he no longer had cold, dry fingers up his ass.

Hyun-tak groaned but a small smile was creeping up on his lips. It was hard for him to stay mad at Seong-je for too long, especially when he was actually listening to him and was no longer being a manic, annoying asshole.

His lips started moving against his will.

"I think it’ll be better if you had-you know. Something to help the slide?”

Seong-je shot an eyebrow up.

“Any experience I should know about?”

Hyun-tak closed his eyes, annoyance sneaking up. So much for thinking he could put up with Seongje’s attitude for more than three seconds.

"Not like that, you creep," he said while his eyes drifted away. “I just had a girlfriend who had issues with that, too."

"Damn," Seong-je whistled, faking being impressed. “So you really are not a virgin then.”

“You really didn’t believe me?” His hand surged to his temples to keep at bay the headache that was coming his way. Seong-je had a way for getting on his nerves.

“Can’t blame me for doubting you. You didn’t know what prep was until five minutes ago."

"Anyway. We used lube when we were having sex," he said, ignoring Seong-je on purpose, looking to the side. “I still have it. It’s not like I had any other use for it.”

"And you waited for me to finger you to tell me that? Easy, Tak-ah. I may start to believe you really have a thing for pain."

Hyun-tak really wanted to slice his throat but found nothing sharp enough in his bedroom to make that fantasy come true. "You know what? You’re the real pain in my ass," he shot back. “If you want to make yourself useful, go grab it. It's in my bedside table.”

Seong-je only smiled smugly before getting up. Hyun-tak was not used to this version of him, easy to talk to, domestic almost. He knew that it was temporary and that it would not last long. But still, he tried to enjoy every second of it.

Seong-je held the lube in his hand above his head when he found it, narrowing his eyes at it, examining like he was mimicking a scientist on a kid show. "Strawberry-scented? Man, you and your girlfriend have shitty taste.”

His eyes found Hyun-tak’s without even turning his head, his gummy smile growing wider, and Hyun-tak instantly knew something stupid was coming up before he even had the chance to hear it. "Or maybe it was to make the smell bearable?”

He said it like it was the pinnacle of humour, like a joke only a few could understand, with a smug smile.

"You are so annoying," groaned Hyun-tak. “Come back here and finish what you started."

"Don’t worry, princess, I’ll make sure to be extra gentle," he said with a wink. “Wouldn’t want you to run away.”

“You’d better hurry, then.” And with that, Hyun-tak averted his eyes, letting the other know the conversation was over and that he’d better get to work.

Seong-je slowly lowered himself to the ground again and, without any once of hesitation, pressed his knee again. Hyun-tak got the memo and dropped his shoulders to the mattress, sighing to himself. If that was what Seong-je wanted, then he would have it.

He only heard the noise of a lid opening before feeling wet fingers entering him. He tensed immediately, waiting for the aching pain from before to return.

But it was indeed easier and less painful now, so he forced himself to relax to make things go smoother. When Seong-je felt him relax and unclench around his fingers, he smiled to himself. "Good boy.”

Hyun-tak snorted and rolled his eyes. The man was being full of shit, like always.

With lube, it was getting easier and easier for him to enter and slide in, so naturally, the rhythm sped up.

When he started to finger Hyun-tak open, he let out a small cry, his thighs clenching then unclenching repeatedly before straight up starting to shake from the pressure of it.

Seong-je, never one to slow down, poured some lube onto his other hand and grabbed Hyuntak’s length before moving his wrist up and down, in a frantic rhythm and borderline painful. He was gripping too hard, slowly killing Hyun-tak with the stimulation coming from both parts.

It was all too much. He raised his neck, light-headed from the stimuli and tried to speak. He had managed to say exactly two words before his mind went completely blank and incapable of forming a single thought. “Wait, wait–"

Seong-je did quite the opposite; he sped up. Hyun-tak bit his lips hard, drawing some blood out. Of course, the fucker wasn’t going to slow down for anyone and especially not for Go Hyun-tak.

His grip became ever tighter, still working at a ruthless pace, his fingers curling inside when they couldn’t reach further. Hyun-tak heard the sound of a shaky exhale coming out of his throat.

He felt the southern parts of his body loosening against his will under the merciless grip, his back arching unconsciously and his thighs opening wider and wider for the man between his legs. "It's fucking weird.”

"Only weird?" chuckled Seong-je.

"Yeah, don't flatter yourself," he said out of breath.

"You’re such a shitty liar, Go-tak.”

Hyun-tak should’ve slapped him hard the very first time Seong-je thought it was a good idea to steal Hyun-tak’s nicknames his friends used.

Now it was just getting out of control.

He was pretty sure that using during sex your partner’s nicknames, currently used by family and friends, was mental torture.

He winced hard and flinched when a finger brushed a sweet spot. "You asshole," he murmured before a shaky exhale stole his next words.

“What was that?”

He could distinctly hear a laugh behind him. "What’re you saying, Go-tak? Can’t quite hear you.”

Maybe it was a good thing Seong-je was behind and not in front of him; otherwise, he would’ve smashed his own head onto this asshole’s mouth and hopefully break some of the fucker’s teeth.

His thoughts of revenge were cut short when a wet sensation arrived on his balls, accompanied by the ruthless pace on his dick and inside his hole.

Hyun-tak wanted to cry from overstimulation. If it wasn’t for him closing his eyes and his hands grabbing the sheets like a desperate man clinging onto a lifeline, he would already be shedding tears.

A tongue grazed his tender skin and he suppressed a whole-body shiver.

What the hell.

If there was a way to sue Geum Seong-je for torture, Hyun-tak would do so in a heartbeat.

“You fucking psycho, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?" he angrily shushed, his voice regaining some strength.

No voice answered him.

His thighs were quivering underneath him, saliva escaping his mouth. Gasping for air, his lungs seemed to have given up on him. He could taste something salty on his tongue and it took him a few seconds to register that it was his own tears, sliding down his face and jaw.

His mind was starting to slip away, with nothing tangible to hold onto. Oh, how he would’ve liked to have a back to cling onto, a face to hold and a mouth to kiss.

But everything was out of touch, out of grasp, and nothing was really there. Only a sensation that seemed to belong to a body that wasn’t his anymore.

He had no idea what was going on back there; he no longer knew what was where, or what was touching him. He only recognized the upcoming feeling that was threatening to overthrow him, to make him sink deep into slumber.

He gasped out again, hoping to catch enough breath to warn, to say anything really—something that could bring him back to reality. He never got to cry or speak in the end; his release happened without a sound, with no warning.

He tried his best to raise his head away from the mattress, wet with saliva and tears, with the sole purpose of stealing cold air to fill his lungs again.

He could only hear the quiet of his mind and the nothingness of everything else.

When he came back to his sense and his head stopped feeling like it was drowning in cold water, he opened his eyes and finally caught a real breath for the first time since the start. He felt himself relax again, his trembling thighs starting to let go of the tension too.

Frankly speaking, he no longer had any tension left in his body. All his muscles felt like jelly, and he had lost all strength.

The first real sensation he felt, when all his neurons were on again, was of a hand slowly stroking his thigh.

“Seong-je?” he croaked out.

The hand remained there, warm and welcomed on his skin. "Yeah. Who else?”

Hyun-tak blinked a few times, trying to focus. "I don’t think I ever came as hard as this.”

A chuckle escaped Seong-je’s lips. “Man, I love how honest you are sometimes.”

The hand didn’t stop there. Following every curve, tracing every part of Hyuntak’s muscles, slowly going up and down on his barely-working leg, almost mindlessly, sometimes stopping to carve a finger onto the flesh, like trying to memorize it.

“Your legs are really strong," he said after a while. “Makes me wonder why they were shaking so hard earlier.”

Hyun-tak didn’t answer. What could he have said, really?

This wasn’t typical behavior coming from Seong-je. Anything that man touched was irremediably turned into a canvas of his violence.

Hyun-tak didn’t know if it was a good idea to let himself get lost in the feeling of the man caressing his thigh like it was something precious, something to care for.

Or that he should stop the moment before it could shatter into something neither of them wanted.

He made a small move with his leg, just testing to see if it was still working fine. Thankfully, Seong-je had long before removed the knee pressing him down. The movement of him slowly getting up seemed to push Seong-je out of his trance.

He rose tall before Hyun-tak, who was slowly trying to drag his legs back with him on the bed. “So, how does it feel to have your ass eaten like you did to your girlfriend?”

Hyuntak’s eyes blew wide open.

Right, that nasty, perverted personality of his.

"You really wanna talk about my past relationship right now?" he questioned, incredulous.

Seong-je stood in front of him, his gaze dark, his tongue slowly poking up behind his teeth to wet his lips.

“Not really. Just curious about what it feels like to get fucked like a girl.”

Anger blinded his judgment in an instant.

“What the fuck?” he asked, voice small at first. “No, really, what the fuck is your issue?” he asked again, his voice going up at least three octaves.

Seong-je only grinned. “Ah, there he is. I really thought the orgasm had made your temper disappear for a moment.”

Hyun-tak closed his eyes and silently asked all his ancestors for the patience he knew he didn’t have.

“You know what? That’s fair. I forgot how awful you were for a second. My bad.”

He tried to get up, or at least to put his feet on the ground to stretch his legs a bit, but the other instantly positioned himself in front of him, blocking his view and restraining any move Hyun-tak could try to make.

“Where are you going, Hyun-tak? We’re not done.”

“You fucking psycho, I just need to stretch my legs, so keep the fuck out of my face for five seconds.”

Seong-je breathed out slowly. He really needed a smoke. All that sucking and fingering had really brought his mood down.

He was never the type to go slow or to bother with foreplay or that third base kind of stuff in the first place. It was the first time he had really tried to give someone a good time.

He figured it was because he couldn’t care enough about how the person he was doing it with felt. It’s not like he was the type to fuck someone more than one time.

So if a girl had decided his performance was mediocre and spoke to her friends about it, he couldn’t have given less fucks.

Hyun-tak was a new one. A new type of experiment. He had tried some things he found on the internet and went with the flow, hoping Hyun-tak was even more shitty than him at sex, so that he could be amazed by the slightest thing.

Obviously, Seong-je had a lot more trust in his ability to move his hips; he even pitied Hyun-tak for being the only one experiencing nearly all his first times tonight. Sadly for him, when Seong-je wanted something, he wanted to own it entirely. So Hyun-tak wasn’t leaving that room unless he had tried everything Seong-je needed to see.

He also knew that no matter what his desires were, the other was down for anything, eager to please and ready to be used.

That knowledge made him even more interested in pushing the other boy in the direction he wanted. He could break him down tonight, make him do anything his mind sought after, everything he hadn't tried before. For him, Hyun-tak was there to fulfill every fantasy lying around in Seongje’s twisted brain.

And twisted he was. He made sure to take his time at first, he didn’t want the other to run away, of course. He really didn’t want to scare Go Hyun-tak; he needed to make sure he would stick with him no matter what.

Tiptoeing between being patient and gentle enough not to make the other escape from his grasp, and playing around enough to keep him entertained by everything Seong-je had to offer. The little mind games he played with Go Hyun-tak on the regular had slowly become, over the years, his new obsession.

But what could be done when the player is a bit too obsessed with the game itself? Nothing much, he just haf to play over and over again until he finally got bored.

That was what life was all about: enjoying every bit of pleasure coming your way, holding onto it until it no longer satisfied you like it did in the beginning.

Seong-je was pretty clear about the goals he had in mind when thinking about the future. He had none. Nothing was in store for him regarding the future; no career plan, no big picture, no foolish wish to start a family or some shit. The future wasn’t important, nor was the past; only the present existed.

He couldn’t get or understand why people cared that much about the past; always thinking about what could’ve been done differently, or debating on the heavy topics of guilt and regret. He wasn’t able to distinguish between the two, so thinking or engaging with the rough concept of loathing himself for something insignificant was out of the question.

Hyun-tak, on the other hand, was all about guilt. Guilt for Baku, for being here that day under that bridge when he shouldn’t have; for making his stupid best friend feel guilty because of something he could have never prevented from happening.

Regret for Baek-jin, still stupidly hoping that in another universe, that hollowed-out boy could've been happy and alive.

It was useless, and still, Hyun-tak couldn’t stop feeling those useless things.

Seong-je had tried many times, really tried, to comprehend Hyuntak’s train of thought; his way of thinking and reasoning, but no can do. He was a mystery, and not in a spectacular and out-of-world way, but in a foolish and idiotic way.

One that makes you look at someone and wonder: why’s that person still doing that when they know it’s good for nothing? Have they really learned nothing?

Spending time with Go Hyun-tak usually made you question your sanity in the long run. He had a way to make you feel like you were in the wrong for having the audacity of not following the same path of thoughts as him. As if he was the god of morality and self-loathing, this untouchable being that couldn’t be hurt by anyone anymore, since he already hated himself more than anyone.

Or maybe that wasn’t the case at all, and Go Hyun-tak was actually a very normal human being with normal ways of thinking. That, Seong-je could not know. He was never close enough to anyone else to be able to compare them to Hyun-tak in the first place.

The thing between them started a year before their final year of high school. Seong-je was there: a teenager with too much free time on his hands, stuck in the Union. Hyun-tak, too: a normal high-school student with a sane future awaiting him.

Both here at the same time, in the same place.

Yet, two parallel lives that could have gone on forever without interacting with each other in this universe.

The catalyst was Park Hu-min. Go-tak's best friend. And the reason everything around them went to shit.

Not like the dude ever wanted that, he just had no choice but to accept that a certain someone had made their entire life story revolve around him for absolutely no reason.

Seong-je pitied him sometimes. Poor dude had to live with the fact that his once best friend slash childhood crush had turned over the years into a puppet pulled by the strings of hate and regret. One that couldn’t let him go and remained there in the background, watching his every move and deciding his fate, like a badly-written toxic ex. That metaphor really made him laugh out loud when he realized it for the first time.

Maybe that was the case and Baek-jin truly was Baku’s ex. That made perfect sense in his head. Especially now, since he could start to understand how Baek-jin’s behavior worked. The slow realization washed over him once. That he sometimes felt like his demeanor wasn’t that different from his old boss, when things weren’t going the way he wanted them to be.

Or when a certain someone was going through mental self-harming about everything in their lives and couldn’t bear to look at Seong-je in the eyes anymore, without regret threatening to drown them. Na Baek-jin would've laugh at him real hard if he could've seen from above what Seong-je had turned into. Or from below, depends on how God saw Baek-jin as. A sinner or a broken boy who could've been saved.

All that thinking about existence just for a boy. Yeah, Go Hyun-tak truly was the bane of his existence. It was a real-life miracle that Seong-je had not grown bored of him yet and decided to get rid of him. In a legal way or not.

The boy in question was still in front of him, half-naked, his face relaxed and hair a bit of a mess. He was looking at him, probably trying to guess what was going through Seong-je’s mind.

His mind was blank for the most part, didn’t want to think about anything complicated anymore. He wanted his body to do the talking, and his dick to do the thinking. Perhaps that could help lift his mood a little.

Hyun-tak caught him staring.

“What are you looking at?”

"The only other person in this place, maybe. Dumb question, try again.”

That did the trick and Hyuntak’s face hardened. Then he slowly came to realize something worth noticing. "Wait, why am I the only one naked there? Why’re you still in your pants and shirt?”

Seong-je laughed, sounding absolutely delighted. “Maybe cause no one tried to undress me earlier," he said with a grin.

Hyun-tak smiled, and his face relaxed with the answer given to him. He seemed to smile a bit more when he was hanging out with Seong-je now.

“That can be changed. Come here.” He gestured for Seong-je to approach but he did not obey. Hyun-tak’s brows furrowed in confusion.

"Why? Do you not want to have sex? It’s a bit hard to have sex when you’re fully clothed, y’a know.”

“I know," he only answered.

Seong-je reveled in the way Hyun-tak’s expression started to shift, and he swore he could see the brain cells bouncing up and down in his head, thinking about what to do and trying their very best to understand why Seong-je was acting this way.

The truth was simple, really. Seong-je wanted Hyun-tak to work for it. If Seong-je did everything on his own, it was too easy for the other to pretend he didn’t want any of it afterwards and that he was only getting on with the flow.

“I don’t understand," simply said Hyun-tak.

Poor, dumb Go-tak.

It felt annoying to deal with him sometimes. Why did someone need so much to have all the answers offered to them without even trying? Maybe when they’re not capable of thinking for themselves.

Seong-je figured out that it was probably the case here. He was being cold one moment, then warm and approachable the next. Maybe that could have disoriented Hyun-tak, who was only used to shitty-attitude-Seongje.

Worth mentioning was the soft feeling emitting from Hyun-tak now; his post-orgasm bliss was hitting hard, his brain relieved to be free of any complicated thought for once, and refusing to partake in Seongje’s annoying mind games.

Seong-je sighed for what felt like the thousandth time today. “Get up," he ordered.

"Why?" Hyun-tak eyed him suspiciously. A glare was his only answer. "Why do I have to agree with anything you told me to?” he asked again.

Seong-je kept staring at him, face inexpressive, tone dead. “Don’t you know why?”

“No, I don’t know. Please enlighten me, your majesty." His tone was dripping with sarcasm, one that sent Seong-je’s rational side flying right out the window.

He came over slowly and grinned, his eyes lazily scanning Hyun-tak’s tranquil figure, still sitting on the bed. Their height difference felt overbearing now.

"'Cause you’re my bitch. Ain’t that right?” he asked with a wink, not even trying to sound serious.

“What the fuck?” replied Hyun-tak, his mouth dropping in disbelief. “What’s with you and the word ‘bitch’ today?”

“Don’t know," he simply shrugged. "Maybe ‘cause you looked real good on your knees today. Or the way your hole was dripping wet.”

Hyuntak’s face morphed into a disgusted expression. “If you’re trying to dirty-talk, that’s not working."

Seong-je was getting annoyed. He wanted to rile Hyun-tak up again, for the fun of it, but the little bitch seemed to be too much in a good mood to even pretend to be personally offended. He looked like he knew Seong-je wouldn’t hurt him right now, when that had never been further from the truth.

“Get up. I won’t ask again.”

“No," he replied firmly.

He wasn’t even trying to disobey; he just believed Seong-je would drop it. Sadly, that was not the case there. He closed the distance and gripped Hyun-tak’s shoulders hard to lift him up, get him out of the bed, then pushed his whole body to collide against the closest wall.

Not once did Hyun-tak try to stop him. His normal reflexes seemed to have stopped the moment Seong-je’s hands were on him earlier, a rare tender touch instead of a violent one. Now he was against the wall, just staring at him in disbelief, not even putting up a fight.

“You," he started. “Why?”

Seong-je said nothing; just casually unbuckled his belt in slow, deliberate movements, while never breaking eye contact. When his zipper had finally opened, and his pants had dropped to the ground, he lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes lazily looking at Hyun-tak. Watching him like he was barely something worth gazing at.

“Still confused, dog? Come, work for it now.”

Hyun-tak said nothing at first. Just slowly adjusting to Seongje’s usual personality coming back at full speed. The fury in his eyes was glowing there, but he wasn’t one to back down from something. He had been the one asking Seong-je to get to work faster, not even thirty minutes ago, and he had been the one willing to undress him just before he got thrown at the wall.

He glared at Seong-je straight ahead, all his anger seeping through his pores. If he wanted Hyun-tak to get on his knees again, then he would have him. But he wasn’t going to submit that easily without a fight.

He dropped to his knees and reached for the boxer, eyes never leaving once the other’s face, wanting him to see all the disdain and rage Hyun-tak could throw at him. He grimaced a bit when his left knee touched the ground. It was still a little shaky from earlier, and the nerves were starting to flare.

Still, he lowered Seongje’s boxer down his thighs, then to his ankles and tried not to back away when he was finally facing it. Seongje’s length was big, not yet fully erect. That scared him a bit.

Wasn’t he the one supposed to fit that inside him? He didn’t think he would ever be prepared enough for that.

Seong-je’s hand flew to his head, petting it like you pet a dog. Hyun-tak’s glare went right back to him, a silent insult passing behind his eyes. Seong-je smiled lazily; one Hyun-tak liked to call a ‘shit-eating grin’.

It was aching against Seong-je’s stomach, the tip red and angry. He realized the colour wasn’t that much different from the other parts on Seong-je’s body, the skin only slightly darker, with dark pubic hair poking out from above.

Hyun-tak tried to pay it no mind and focused on going straight to the base. He buried his nose in the hair there, inhaled and tried to get used to Seong-je’s natural body odour. It was too harsh at first, too musky, too man-like, almost too much to fully breathe in.

Yet after fighting the initial gag coming in his throat, he found a faint smell of body wash clinging there and focused on it, trying to ease the wrinkles coming on his face. Even if the smell was stronger than anywhere else on Seong-je’s body, he weirdly found himself wishing to stay there a bit longer, focusing on breathing in the man’s natural scent.

Not that he was that unfamiliar with it, but there was a big difference between the smell of sweat and one of an intimate part. His nose brushed against his balls, and he tried hard not to gag at the view. How can gay men find that stuff arousing?

He didn’t know if he was in the right to be asking this since he was going to do a fellatio to another man and probably have sex with him later on, but he had not once looked at a man’s genitalia and thought he wanted to lick and suck there.

Come to think of it, he never thought that for female parts either. Yet he knew for a fact he was still attracted to women. So maybe that disgust came from a general dislike of human genitalia.

That was a relief.

Even though he found the sight of balls truly disgusting, he discovered that he was indeed very much aroused by the sight of Seong-je’s length.

Maybe it was because it was Seong-je’s. Because he knew for a fact, deep in his bones, that he would have never touched something like that, even with a stick, if the man in question wasn’t its owner.

Great. Now he knew he was a goner for the worst man on the planet.

He poked his tongue out and tried to remember what the actresses in porn movies usually looked like from above. He tried not to blame himself for thinking this; it was his sole reference after all.

He licked at the tip, slowly dragging his tongue around it, catching the precum that was already leaking out there, and tried not to grimace at the salty and bitter taste, before looking up at Seong-je.

The other’s eyes were already on him, his face as inexpressive as ever. That managed to annoy the hell out of Hyun-tak.

He was a trembling, nervous mess when he was the one receiving oral sex; why wasn’t Seong-je the same? Why did he look as composed as ever, as if Hyun-tak wasn’t on his knees, seconds away from sucking his dick?

Angrily, he dragged his tongue out and started to lick from the base to the tip, wetting it with saliva. He figured that would make it easier to take it fully inside his mouth. He tried harder not to think about how that thing was going to fit inside him later, but he couldn’t divert his mind or his eyes away from it, so the anxiety remained.

Inside his mouth was already a challenge, so inside him? No, not happening.

At the top, he opened his mouth and tried to take half of it inside, before panicking from the thickness and choosing to retreat to safety immediately. He figured it would be easier for him to just stay at the tip. He wondered how porn actresses managed to do that stuff without feeling the need to throw up.

He remembered needing to cough by the simple act of Seong-je’s tongue going a bit too far inside his mouth, so he started to ask himself if he was really cut out for this. Maybe he should stick to having sex with women in the future; sucking dick required way too much thinking.

He looked up again, and the sight made his self-esteem shatter a little. Seong-je looked utterly bored out of his mind. Not even angry, just plainly disappointed in Hyun-tak's foolish attempts to get him aroused.

He didn’t know why he found that sight so hard to look at, almost immediately lowering his gaze in shame. His thoughts started to race. He wasn’t even able to breathe properly now, knowing what Seong-je’s gaze on him looked like.

He stopped panicking when a hand came to his hair and buried itself in it. He was happy for it for a moment, needing the praise and the attention, before feeling the grip tighten until his scalp was starting to hurt.

His gaze shot up again, wide-eyed, asking a silent question, wanting reassurance. But what met him was the same old dead look in Seong-je’s eyes.

His throat clenched around nothing without knowing why. He felt his eyes getting watery, and he tried hard not to think about it. That was surely the nerves, that’s all. He was just nervous about it, it was his first time after all.

The next move succeeded in shutting his brain up and removing any anxiety from his thoughts.

Seong-je just grabbed his head with one hand, the other forcefully opening his mouth by gripping his jaw and pushed himself fully inside Hyun-tak’s mouth. He felt his throat full of something that shouldn’t be there and his first instinct was to cough.

He couldn’t even breathe properly, no air passing through his nose. His brain already filled with anxiety started to panic even more, every signal going red.

His hands tried to push himself away by gripping on anything close to them. His eyes closed, his perception of space close to nothing.

But nothing could do, the hands steadying his head were pushing him further and further into the length occupying his mouth. If he didn’t understand why his eyes were watery before, now they had a whole reason for it. His body was screaming at him to throw up, completely ignoring the fact it wasn’t food that was filling his mouth.

He felt his lungs screaming and shrinking painfully. And when he started to tap forcefully, out of sheer desperation, onto the closest thing he could reach—Seongje's thighs—he was freed from it.

Once his mouth was empty again, he folded onto himself, coughed and coughed, saliva falling onto his chin and hand. His body never seemed to catch enough air for his lungs, chest heaving painfully and the frantic beating of his heart pulsing in his jaw and head.

When he finally felt able to breathe again, his head looked up out of pure instinct: fear telling him to identify the danger and how to get away from it. The main issue was that the danger was right in front of him, its gaze glaring into his eyes and Hyun-tak knew he wouldn’t be able to get away from it any time soon.

When he felt the hand still on his head slowly starting to push him closer again, his own hands shot up in front of him to avoid what was coming. He must have looked very resentful, a wide-eyed mess, for Seong-je to tilt his head and look at him with a false-concerned look. "Still breathing? I didn’t go hard enough, it seems.”

Hyun-tak just stared at him, a horrified expression painted on his face. He couldn’t ask anything, his throat seeming to have stopped working. Worse, he didn’t even know what to say.

Sometimes, when Seong-je treated him like he was garbage—easy to dismiss, and easy to be thrown away and replaced—he still couldn’t bring himself to fully hate the man.

Because he knew that it was in Seong-je’s nature and that he had never tried once to conceal it. Never once did he try to act like he wasn’t a huge piece of shit who treated others with everything but respect.

So, Hyun-tak felt like he could only blame himself for putting up with it and not leaving. That was probably what toxic relationships were all about, knowing the other’s way of acting and how awful they were, but keeping on hanging around, never finding the strength to get up and leave for good.

He knew all about Seong-je there was to know. Still, he stayed. He had left sometimes, but always came back.

Because he was the only one who knew how good Seong-je looked when he laughed; how nice it felt to have that smile directed at himself; how awful it was when the bad overcame the good but how hopeful he felt when there was some improvement showing.

He never forgot that all this was temporary, yet he had chosen a long time ago to stay. He wanted to cherish those moments even if they never lasted long.

Yes, one could say he was in a toxic relationship, if we forgot the fact that there was no relationship to begin With. Not friends, not enemies anymore, absolutely not lovers. That idea was crossed out right from the start.

When Seong-je raised his hand to open his mouth again, he refused to let himself come to that point. He said he was going to fight, so he was going to make him regret even thinking about forcing him to do what he wanted without caring about Hyuntak’s well-being.

Yes, he was in a toxic relationship, but he had pride stored somewhere in his heart that basked in opposing anyone who tried to force him into anything.

So, he let the other do what he wanted. He didn’t fight back immediately; he let Seong-je think he had won, think he had succeeded in breaking him. Then, he bit. Hard. Surely enough to send someone to a hospital.

The hand stopped forcing him, and he broke free.

Seong-je’s body was halved in half, biting his lips harshly to hold back a cry, exactly like Hyun-tak had been seconds before. And he loved every second of that sight. He wanted to hurt Seong-je as much as he hurt him.

Then, he got up on his feet before the other could react. Because he knew the man would try to hurt him back, probably using a fist, starting a beating that would end with Hyun-tak limping with a broken bone.

Seong-je’s breathing was irregular now, his chest going up and down heavily. Hyun-tak didn’t know why he even opened his mouth in the first place, but once the words were out, he couldn’t stop them from coming.

“I feel like I should apologize only for the sake of it. ‘Cause I’m not sorry. But you probably know it already.”

It was a stupid and useless thing to say, but as Seong-je always liked to say, he was an expert in saying dumb shit.

“You bastard," was the only reply he got. Then he was met with those sharp eyes and he could instantly feel himself drowning in them, hating but loving the attention they brought.

Funny how they both loved riling the other up constantly, yet hated when the other looked like he was bored with dealing with the other.

They both had a funny way to love, if they were even able to call it that. Hyun-tak tried to never forget that Seong-je was incapable of loving anyone as much as he loved himself.

Hyun-tak was already preparing for the worst to happen, his body tensing up and going into protective mode, his fists coming up to protect his face.

“Man, you got sharp teeth inside that tight mouth of yours," he said while smiling.

He didn’t even look that angry anymore, and it made concern rise in Hyun-tak. He already knew how absurd Seong-je was sometimes, but this was now taking it to a whole new level.

“What the fuck. I just bit you, you got nothing else to say?”

“Well, that hurts. But I like it when they put up a fight.”

Right. He was a fucking masochist. Hyun-tak tended to forget it sometimes, since he was usually the victim of his sadistic tendencies.

“You’re so fucking weird. You should be punching me, you know," he said while lowering his hands.

He knew how to read Seong-je, too. Even if the latter would most definitely disagree with that. Hyun-tak knew he was not angry right now; he was happy. Sincerely, weirdly happy.

Weirdo.

"That’s just making me want to fuck you even more, Tak-ah," he said, eyes wide open, with that huge grin resting on his face.

And since birds of a feather usually stick together, Hyuntak—a bit of a masochist too—chose to reply with the first thought going through his mind: "What're you waiting for then?”

Seong-je beamed. "You, against the wall.”

And what could Hyun-tak do if not obey? Because he really, really needed this. He had been craving it for a long time now.

He turned towards the wall, staring at it, waiting. Seong-je came up behind him, after having removed his shirt, his breath brushing against the other’s neck.

He bit down gently on his ear, nearly planting a kiss before restraining himself. He wasn’t that far gone.

“Scared?”

“I’m seriously going to punch you if you ask me that question again."

Seong-je laughed. He was thoroughly happy with how the situation was turning out. "Not stopping once it’s in there, got it?”

“I will punch you without any hesitation.”

“I know, baby.”

And that time, he kissed his neck.

The first seconds were rough, with Seong-je temporarily forgetting that lube existed and trying to push himself inside, before Hyun-tak kindly remembered him by kicking his leg repeatedly in retaliation.

So they tried again, with lube this time. The start was still rough, Seong-je grabbing Hyun-tak’s hips like he didn’t want him to run away, but a bit easier to manage now for Hyun-tak, who tried hard to bite back the curses he wanted to shout at the other for making him go through that.

Hell, if they ever planned on doing that again, Seong-je won’t have any other choice but to be the one bottoming.

The man went slowly in, thanks to the rare apparition of his self-restraint, a rare sight to encounter. Hyun-tak was thankful for that. He didn’t think he would have survived if Seong-je had wanted to be a dick and had pushed it deep without a care in the world.

He stopped when Hyun-tak grabbed his arm from behind, asking him silently to slow down for him to adjust. It was getting harder by the minute to breathe properly.

His body was tensing up the more it was pushed inside him, stealing the air out of his lungs by the same occasion. His breath was getting shorter, and he felt like his body was slowly breaking down.

His chest was against the wall now, his palms on each side of his body and he had to move his head to the side to be able to breathe. Seong-je wasn’t only pushing his dick inside of him, he was pressing his whole body against Hyun-tak’s own.

It felt like he wanted to crush him to death, forever stuck between Seong-je’s hard chest and the wall.

Hyun-tak wasn’t sure if he was making any noise of his own, or if the shaky exhales he could hear in the room came from both of them. He was trying his very best to push Seong-je back, even a little, using his hands against the wall as leverage.

Every time he tried to speak, his head started to spin from the lack of air.

And when Seong-je finally stopped pushing, he had long forgotten how to breathe properly. He wasn’t even sure the whole thing was in him. He could tell he was shaking because hands kept trying to keep him in place, grabbing his hips, his sides, anything they could grab onto.

He was thankful for Seong-je to be behind him; otherwise, he thought he would have already fallen to the ground.

His legs felt weak, sweat drops trickling down them, yet they kept on twitching randomly against Seongje’s.

If this was how the night was going to go, he wasn't sure he'd make it out in one piece. He was unable to keep his body in place. His hands kept sliding on the wall, no matter how hard he tried; his chest was shaking so much he couldn’t keep a breath in for more than a second.

He wasn’t even fully sure if he felt good.

Then, Seong-je, who decided on his own that now was the time to get moving, started to push out a bit before going back in. Hyun-tak fought back the urge to snap at him and to kick his elbow in his stomach.

The movement of Seong-je pushing out, then immediately slamming in again, was making him unsteady on his legs. He suddenly felt too tired to hold up his body weight and leaned fully back on the man, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Does it feel good?” he asked, out of breath, to the one moving inside him.

The answer came immediately: “No.”

That made Hyun-tak snap, tiredness leaving his body in less than a second, his neck tensing up against the other’s shoulder.

“Fucking asshole. You’re not the one having to deal with a stupid dick inside your ass.”

Seong-je paused in annoyance. “The fuck am I supposed to say then?”

“I don’t know. Lie. Think of me, who’s getting fucked by you," he complained. “The last thing you can do is to be grateful for it.”

“Fucking hell. If it’s hurting you, tell me," he groaned.

“It doesn’t. At least, not entirely.”

“Then don’t complain," he exhaled through his nose.

Hyun-tak moved his hips, rubbing against Seong-je's body. “I’ll complain all I want. Now, move.”

“You’re such a bitch”, whispered Seong-je, breath hot against the shell of his ear.

He grabbed him by the shoulders, making Hyun-tak’s head fall ahead, one of his cheeks pressing onto the cold wall, his eyes opening wide. "So I’m going to fuck you like one.”

He chuckled, before going right back in with a fast thrust of his hips.

Hyun-tak's mind went blank. He didn’t even have the time to adjust before Seong-je retaliated and pushed with force again. He kept on trying to speak but nothing would let him.

Anytime he tried to open his mouth, the other would shut him up before he could even begin to say anything.

He was shaking like a leaf, but this time, there wasn’t anybody behind him to hold him in place. Seong-je had moved further behind, leaving him folded in half, trying to keep himself up with desperate, trembling hands on the wall.

He dropped lower until the only thing keeping him from collapsing on the ground was hands squeezing hard on his hip bones. That position only made the man behind thrust into him harder.

An embarrassing sound escaped his lips after some time. If he wasn’t sure beforehand if he liked it, now he could rest assured.

He sobbed, his vision was blurry with unshed tears; he couldn’t see anything anymore, a long whine escaping from his throat, making tears run freely down his face.

That seemed to make Seong-je still for a moment. His hands circled Hyuntak’s waist and he brought his tired body up against him. He murmured in his ear, gently, like he was trying to tame a wild animal. “Shh. Stop crying, I’ll be gentle now.”

Hyun-tak nodded mindlessly, his body quivering inside Seong-je’s hold.

Seong-je took a few steps backwards, making the man in his arms follow him. They dropped on the bed, making Hyun-tak wince from the position change. It was making the man go even deeper inside of him.

Now sitting on Seong-je’s lap, his head was lolling back and his naked body quivering. A hand caressed his face, wiping away his tears with a slow motion; a touch meant to comfort him but made him feel like a docile pet.

When he found the strength to speak, it came out shaky: “You don’t have to hold back.”

The man hummed in response: “Good. I like seeing you cry.”

"Asshole."

Hyun-tak smiled faintly.

A wet tongue smoothed down the faint shiver creeping on his neck. He hated himself for how he relaxed instantly under the touch.

No wonder Seong-je had no issue with treating him like shit; he could do whatever he wanted with him. Hyun-tak was a wild animal, biting when he could, before clinging onto the first non-violent touch going his way.

“Let me ask you. Does it feel good, Hyun-tak?”

“Yes. Did you really not feel good earlier?”

The man chuckled in his neck. "Nah. I was lying.”

“I figured. You were panting so hard I thought you were having a heart attack.”

Seong-je said nothing back. Instead, he tilted both of them. “Look at you," he murmured next to his ear.

“What do you mean?” asked Hyun-tak, confused.

Then he saw it. Quite well, actually. Their reflections. On Hyuntak’s door, a mirror was glued. He saw himself, his thighs sitting across Seong-je’s own, his lower body wide open.

He tried hard not to stare at what was going on underneath. He could now see Seong-je's wide grin behind him: “Like what you’re seeing?”

He said nothing, simply stared at Seong-je’s strong muscles flexing around his waist. Also staring at his own chest muscles, his abs, and his erect nipples. He felt like a pervert to look at himself naked and worse, to like what he was seeing. But he couldn't help himself.

He could also feel Seong-je’s warm naked chest against his own. His strong legs lodged under Hyun-tak's shaking thighs, steadying them. He thought it was the sole thing he had ever wanted to see.

The sex didn’t felt weird in the slightest now. It was real and it was nice.

Seong-je’s hands shot up and pinched his nipple. He squirmed and opened one eye to stare at the man in the mirror. Never on earth would he have believed he could get aroused by seeing himself and Seong-je naked in a mirror.

He met the man’s stare and smiled back at him, putting his hand on top of the one around his waist.

“Seongje-ah.”

The man lifted him up and shoved him down hard. Now it was hitting deeper. The warmth of it was back, melting his head, making him dizzy with want, with need of motion. He tilted his head back, giving the man free access to his neck, resting it on his shoulder.

And he obliged, giving Hyun-tak everything he wanted.

He most definitely stuttered Seong-je’s name. The pace felt less frantic now, it seemed like the man was having trouble with lifting Hyun-tak and moving his hips at the same time.

“Let’s just stay like that, Seongje-ah," he murmured, loving the pulse he could feel inside him.

His voice was rough. It felt strange and unfamiliar to his own ears.

“I got to do something," said the man behind him, and Hyun-tak opened his eyes in confusion.

“What?”

Seong-je reached for the phone he had purposely dropped on the bed earlier. He opened the camera and pointed it towards them.

“What?” he asked again, in pure disbelief.

The flash went on and the sound of a picture being taken went by. Hyun-tak was sure of two things: one, he must have look both horrified and out of it in the picture, and two: Seong-je definitely made sure the flash covered his own face.

Hyun-tak was having none of it. His hands went to Seong-je’s scalp and pulled hard. “What the fuck? You’re a real fucking asshole," he groaned, his body tensing up and clenching hard.

“Relax, relax, dude. Look, I’m taking a selfie too.” He flipped the camera and both of them appeared on the screen. Only vague figures could be seen, their bodies hidden in shadow, faces slightly visible when the light coming from outside hit right.

Hyun-tak didn't have to look to know that he looked ruined, with his eyes dazed and mouth slightly falling open.

“You’re a nutcase, a fucking pervert," he mumbled, the worry slipping out of him.

“Gotta make memories while we’re at it," he said as he planted a kiss on the other’s neck.

“I hate you, like really, really hate you," he replied, his tone slurred, mind barely registering his own words.

He felt Seong-je’s grin against his skin, making no effort to hide the sound of his chuckle.

“You’re so cute when you say you hate me. Makes me want to get rougher with you," he said before lifting him again, and that time, he pulled himself out.

Hyun-tak did not resist. He just let him do what he wanted, wondering what was going to happen. His question was answered soon enough when the man just threw him on the bed. He didn’t even let him adjust and flipped him on his stomach.

“By the way, now that I think of it," murmured Seong-je in his ear. “I haven’t put a condom on, I hope you don’t mind it.”

Hyun-tak’s body stopped. He knew the risk of having unprotected sex, even if he had no chance of getting pregnant. He also knew Seong-je had multiple partners before, mostly one-night stands.

And he highly doubted the other cared enough to ask any of these girls if they were clean.

On his side, he was sure he was clean, but Seong-je? Did he even care? He didn’t even care about his own health and would probably end up laughing really hard if he found out he’d given something to Hyun-tak.

Tonight truly was the worst night of his life.

And since it could only get worse at that point, Seong-je grabbed his arms and took the shirt he once threw on the bed and tied Hyun-tak's wrists together.

The fucker had planned this from the very beginning. Hyun-tak set a mental reminder to never trust him ever again. If there was a second time, that was.

He thought there were a lot of things he could take, but getting an STI from a man on purpose was enough for him to leave. He was not a hundred percent sure of it, but if he was hopeful enough, he could try.

His thoughts got interrupted when two strong hands grabbed his thighs and spread them. Hyun-tak thought his mind had gotten dumb at this point, because he could only make a stupid sound of surprise.

He could already hear Seongje’s laugh in his mind. The man's length started to press on his rim before pushing in. It felt bigger than before. Which was not a good thing for Hyuntak’s ass well-being.

“Unclench, Tak-ah," he murmured in his ear. "I can’t fuck you if you’re too tight.”

“Maybe it could help if I could actually see you, dickhead.”

“Aw. You want to see me that much?" he chuckled.

“Forget it.”

“Nah," said Seong-je. “I want you to like it, Tak-ah.”

“Stop saying that shit. And don’t use that nickname on me," slurred Hyun-tak, his mind slipping.

His voice was breaking now, he kept on slurring his words, his mouth felt dry and he had to wet his lips to keep on speaking.

Seong-je just shushed him by stroking his hair gently, and Hyun-tak hated myself for melting into the touch instantly.

“Do you prefer when I do it rough or would you prefer if I’d fuck you gently?”

“Mmh.”

“Not an answer, Tak-ah.”

“I prefer it rough, happy now?” he replied, annoyed.

He felt warm hands going up and down on his back, touching him everywhere and he repressed a whole body shiver.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.” Then he pushed, using his hands on Hyun-tak's back to lever himself, before stopping to let the man beneath him breathe a bit. He was suffocating under the pressure put on his back by the hands positioned on him, his body getting filled and flaring up.

He felt high on the feeling it brought to be held in place by solid hands.

It shouldn’t have felt this nice; there was no reason for it. He was suffocating on the mattress, all his body crushed by the weight above him, his arms awkwardly stuck behind his back, his mouth falling open from the pressure; yet all he could do was get intoxicated on the feeling of not being able to move, being close to and moved around by another body.

A stronger one, who was holding him down like it knew Hyun-tak’s body better than himself. That thought echoed in his brain while Seong-je kept on pushing and pushing, until he was buried inside again.

“You’re relaxing, baby, that’s good," he whispered in his neck. “Be good for me, and take it.”

His moves were rougher now; he slammed deep, the rhythm less frantic than before. Hyun-tak didn’t want to think anymore; he just wanted to be used. Seong-je may have been right on something.

It did feel nice to let everything go out of his grip, to let himself be there and barely exist without needing to be in control. If Seong-je wanted control, then he would let him have it.

Because right now, he couldn’t think and he absolutely didn’t want to.

His body was pliant and the man smiled at the sight of Hyun-tak’s face being crushed on the mattress: eyes focused on nothing, almost rolling back, jaw open, saliva coming out of it.

He was sweating all over his back and Seong-je could feel it under his palms and by the way the moonlight caught on his body. He was fully relaxed, his hole barely clenching now, only when he remembered it existed.

And Seong-je adored every second of it. He was being proven more than right. Hyun-tak would let him do anything he wanted to if he played his cards well.

He had seen it earlier and now. He knew why the other was resisting; he hated thinking and fighting, yet couldn’t bring himself to fight against his instincts.

So Seong-je was going to help him with it. He was going to erase any thought from Hyun-tak’s brain and fill it with thoughts of him. And, by the look of the man underneath, it looked like it was already working.

Just to test something, his hand slid under Hyun-tak’s body and grabbed his length. Which was, unsurprisingly, leaking all over. One could almost think he had come solely by having his ass filled and hands pinning him down.

His length twitched inside Seong-je’s hands and his muscles tensed. He tried to lift his neck up to breathe better. The sound he made when air filled his lungs didn’t belong in this bedroom. It belonged to Seong-je himself.

If only he could be the only one hearing those noises forever. That bratty mouth belonged to him anyway. If he weren’t so occupied with thrusting, he would’ve thought about pulling out his phone again to record. It's okay. He’ll do that the next time.

For now, Hyun-tak was melting under his touch, not even trying to hold back his voice. Seong-je didn’t think the boy was aware of how loud he was being. And Seong-je would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy every second of it.

He huffed; so much for complaining to Seong-je about how he wanted to see his face when fucking. The real problem lay behind the walls Hyun-tak kept on building to hide himself away from Seong-je's eyes.

What he wanted wasn’t to see him; he only wanted Seong-je to hold him, to pin him down with his hands so he could make any thoughts vanish from his mind.

And that, Seong-je gave him.

The whole sex felt so much better now that Hyun-tak had relaxed and voiced where he wanted the other to go and hit harder. He was finally being honest with himself, and that was the greatest thing Seong-je had ever seen.

The pinnacle of his control over him. The ability to kill any thoughts and make him surrender his body wholeheartedly to Seong-je, the one controlling him.

The girls Seong-je had been with never gave him that much control. He could slap their asses, be a little rough with them and even choke them lightly, nothing compared to the amount of power Hyun-tak gave him.

If he could, he’d get high on the drug that was Go Hyun-tak every day of his life. He could feel the defenseless body under him, but it was no longer enough for Seong-je.

He needed to see that ruined look in his eyes; he needed to see and keep for himself the mess that had become Go Hyun-tak when he was getting fucked into exhaustion.

That sure would be a wonderful sight. And since Seong-je was never the one to resist himself a guilty pleasure, he pulled out, roughly tugged at Hyun-tak’s knot on his hands, breaking them free, and flipped him onto his back. The man underneath him barely reacted.

He only looked up at Seong-je, his eyes coming into focus for the first time. His mouth gaped open and it took him a few seconds to register the new position and how he could finally look Seong-je in the eyes, before giving the man above a small smile.

Without knowing why, Seong-je smiled back. They must have looked like two dumb idiots, stopping their fucking just to smile at each other.

That pissed him off.

“Now I can see you," murmured Hyun-tak, a dumb smile on his face, clearly out of it.

“If you’re still able to talk, that means my job isn’t done.”

Hyun-tak only sighed, his half-lidded eyes giving him a soft and intimate look. He almost looked too fragile like this, lying on his back, skin disappearing within white sheets. “Come on, big boy. Gimme all you got.”

Seong-je grinned, eyes not leaving the other's face. “Careful what you're wishing for, baby. I might not be able to stop.”

Hyun-tak huffed, but affection laced his tone. “Yeah, yeah, I heard it right the first time. Now move.”

And he did. He went right back in. Slight difference was that, this time, he could see the damage he was doing to the one underneath, and that view made him still for a moment.

Hyun-tak opened one eye, wondering why Seong-je had suddenly stopped, and caught his gaze on him. Seong-je looked mesmerized.

And that sight, that fact, scared Hyun-tak a little. Because nothing had ever come good out of Seong-je being mesmerized. It only ended with him breaking down the very thing he loved.

Because Seong-je didn’t love what he already owned, he loved breaking what wasn’t his to take. And for Hyun-tak to be the object of his sick loving meant he was going to suffer. As if he wasn’t already suffering enough.

His silent prayers of saving clearly were not meant to be answered when Seong-je took Hyuntak’s knees, lying on each side, and brought them together before pressing them down on Hyun-tak’s chest.

Before Hyun-tak could decipher the change, Seong-je had already pulled out before slamming back in with full force.

Hyun-tak was pretty sure the shock of it made his vision go blind for a moment. He noted to himself that it was probably not a good idea to mention to Seong-je in the future how, in this position, it was the deepest he had ever been inside him.

But then again, the man probably already knew that, judging by the crazy look in his eyes and his toothy smile. Hyun-tak stared at him, with wet eyes almost closed, and wondered how someone with such a crazy smile could look so beautiful.

That was unfair. He wasn’t sure how he looked right now, but he was definitely drenched in sweat, with saliva dripping on his chin, his hair a sticky mess on his forehead, so he guessed he didn’t look as handsome as he usually was.

Maybe that was why Seong-je looked so happy to see him like that. Not a proper student or a nice friend anymore, just a boy thoroughly ruined by him.

Seong-je kept on slamming harder and harder into Hyun-tak, loving the way he winced each time, still not pushing him away, but welcoming all of his thrusts and rough ways with open arms. That boy was going to be the death of him.

He closed his eyes and tried really hard to think of anything that could make his upcoming orgasm go away. He really didn’t want to come simply from having Hyun-tak’s face that close to him.

That was easier to hold back his orgasm when Hyun-tak wasn’t looking at him with watery eyes, and mouth gasping for air, seemingly trying to keep up with Seong-je with all his might. Just trying to be good for him.

Yeah, he had to stop thinking like that; if he lost his focus for even a second, he was going to cum inside.

So he closed his eyes again, while trying to find the most disgusting thing he could think of. Sadly, it was very hard to do when his mind wouldn’t cooperate.

Especially when all he could feel and think was the boy under him, and the warmth coming out of his body, trying to lure him in.

So instead, he got angry. Why the hell was he unable to control himself anymore? That was Hyun-tak’s job to get numb. His hands shot up to the boy's neck. He wanted to punish him for making him feel that way.

He closed them on Hyun-tak’s throat and pressed a little, and that managed to get the boy out of the frenzied state he was in. His eyes went wide, body clenching around Seong-je.

“What are you doing?” he managed to say before the man pressed harder, cutting off his oxygen supply.

The horrified look on his face made Seong-je able to regain a bit of control. That was more like it.

He grinned, pupils blown wide. “What does it look like, Hyun-tak, hm?”

Hyun-tak tried to make a sound, but ended up choking himself.

“Do you want to speak?" whispered Seong-je, bringing his face closer to Hyun-tak, smile gone, eyes showing a bit too much white to look normal.

A deep flush was starting to paint Hyun-tak’s face. His hands shot up to clench at Seong-je’s arms, nails scraping the skin. Seong-je was sure he was seriously boiling with anger under all that panic.

That eased his mind a little, remembering how he could twist the other’s emotions and feelings with a single touch of his hands. When he decided he was starting to go too far, he loosened his grip, hands still flexing around the boy’s neck.

Hyun-tak immediately gasped for air, his neck and chest shaking with him. When he regained some consciousness, his nails dug into Seong-je’s arms and scratched him like a scared kitten.

“Why the fuck did you do that, fucker?" he panted, out of breath. "Fucking psycho," he muttered to himself, his crazed look not leaving him.

He tried to get Seong-je’s hands away from his neck, prying desperately to get rid of them.

“Do you really want to kill me that much?” he gasped.

His body was desperately trying to escape from the man above him, who was fully caging him, blocking any way out. His whole being was engulfed by the deafening noise of his erratic heartbeat.

“Why do you hate me so much when I’m the only one who can keep up with your bullshit? You’re so full of shit," he muttered, head spinning from panic and exhaustion.

Seong-je simply let go of his neck.

“And you’re full of me, so I guess we’re even.” He tried his best not to show how painful it was to be inside him right now. His dick felt like it was going to choke. Serves him right, he guesses.

Hyun-tak just stared at him in disbelief.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“Try.” He took Hyun-tak’s hands and put them on his own throat. "Go for it."

Hyun-tak’s face twisted in rage. “You really think I’m not going to do it? Watch me.”

He started to push, but didn’t quite know how to choke someone. His hold was wrong; he wasn’t cutting any air out of Seong-je’s throat, just pressing on it. The man welcomed it anyway and shot Hyun-tak a wink.

His grip stilled, and he looked at the other in disbelief for what felt like the thousandth time tonight. Seong-je seemed to take great pleasure in always being able to destabilize him.

“You," Hyun-tak started, before cutting himself off, loosening his grip and turning his head away altogether. “I always forget you’re a fucking masochist.”

“Aw," whined Seong-je with a mocking tone. “I’m hurt Tak-ah. How could you forget the core of my personality?”

Hyun-tak shook his head from side to side. He wanted to cut his own ears off, so that he could never hear another bullshit coming out of Seong-je’s mouth ever again. If he wasn’t still filled with the craziest motherfucker on the planet, he would have definitely walked away without a second thought.

Yeah, he would’ve walked away, without ever looking back, he was sure of it.

“Shut the hell up. I want you to keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life.”

“But then, who’s going to murmur sweet nothings in your ear, Go Hyun-tak?" he said while leaning in, his mocking voice dropping lower. “You can’t keep yourself away from me, I know that already.”

Hyun-tak shook his head again, clearly disagreeing with him. Seong-je only laughed.

“Right, you’re totally in control of your own feelings for me," he said mockingly, emphasizing every word.

“The fuck does that mean?” shot Hyun-tak back at him. “What fucking feelings are you talking about?”

Seong-je just smiled at him, a corner of his mouth going up. He looked smug and proud. That only fueled Hyun-tak’s anger.

“Enough fooling around, I've got a job to finish if you don’t mind me," said Seong-je while grabbing Hyun-tak's legs.

Seong-je went to work, literally. He leaned in again, licking a nipple and twisting the other painfully, making Hyun-tak gasp. His other hand went to the man's erect length and started to jerk him off with the same pace he was fucking him.

That shut Hyun-tak’s brain for good.

Man, it really was that easy to win him over. That fucked a bit with his self-esteem, which seemed to become nonexistent once he was feeling the other man’s hands on him.

Hyun-tak got lost in his own head. He only knew he wanted the man to keep going and never stop. He came shamefully fast, his sperm covering his stomach.

He blinked a few times, trying to make sense of what just happened but it was a bit hard to do so when he was still lost in a daze, his body exhausted from having been abused in all possible ways, and after having his second orgasm ripped out of him.

So he didn’t react when Seong-je pulled out. He didn't think he even felt it. The lower part of his body felt numb and dry to the bone.

What he felt instead was a full body-weight setting on his chest. He felt the warmth of thighs circling his neck and hands gripping his head.

It looked like the fucker was nearly sitting on his face. Really, he never knew when to stop.

Hyun-tak sighed internally. How could a human, especially a man, possibly hold back an orgasm for that long?

The unwanted thought of himself not being good enough for Seong-je crossed his mind but he pushed it away.

Why was he so afraid of not satisfying him, even in a half-conscious state? He decided to blame earlier's choking.

So he wasn’t surprised when a hand forced his jaw open, just like back then, when Seong-je had fucked his mouth raw and rough. He let him, not having the physical and mental strength to push the other boy away.

If he felt like, in the deepest and shameful part of his mind, he was also doing this because he needed to please the man, he chose not to dwell on it too much.

Seong-je pushed back his tongue and burrowed himself as far as he could. He thought to himself that it was going to be hard to try not to come straight away, after making the mistake of looking down at Hyun-tak’s face.

The boy, at his complete mercy, was making him go on edge. Oh, how much he wanted to ruin that boy.

For now, he focused on ruining that pretty face of his. When Hyun-tak started to choke, he didn’t pull back. He needed this. It was a need so stupid and childish, he sometimes felt like he was getting too reckless with it.

He came when he saw Hyun-tak’s eyes rolling back and he liked to think he saw the exact moment when Hyun-tak’s mind went from a conscious state to deep slumber.

Seong-je pulled back and let himself fall next to him, before Hyun-tak's choking sounds made him crash back to reality. He softly tilted Hyun-tak's head to the side and let the boy cough his brain out.

Spit mixed with semen came out, dirtying his chin and sheets. His half-lidded eyes were betraying his half-conscious state. He shuddered one last time before closing his eyes for good.

Hyun-tak was spent.

Seong-je sighed.

Maybe he had gone too far.

He looked at the boy’s face, making sure to drink in his features. He looked almost peaceful now, if he ignored the red marks on his wrists and paid no mind to the disgusting liquid dripping from his chin onto the bed.

But Seong-je never minded a little mess; it always made everything better for him.

He glanced at the sheets, full of semen, sweat, saliva, and lube. The whole bedroom reeked of sex. He had missed that scent, honestly. He slowly grinned. Hyun-tak was going to hate him when he woke up.

Not that it was his problem. He wasn’t the one washing the sheets.

He could already see the pout on Hyun-tak's face and almost hear him cursing Seong-je out loud when he'd wake up. He seemed to always blame Seong-je for every tragedy happening in his life.

Which was pretty fair, considering the man was indeed the source of all his problems.

For now, the sole issue was the way he caught himself staring at the sleeping face of Hyun-tak.

He got out of bed, leaving the dirtied naked body next to him exposed to the chilly air, and walked to the window. He pushed it wide open and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a small lighter lying on the desk.

He took a good look at the figure lying in the middle of the room before turning to the open window and lighting a cigarette. He let the smoke drift from his mouth and turned to the view overlooking the sleeping city.

Nothing good could come of this arrangement he'd made with Hyun-tak. And he could feel the situation slipping away from him day by day. It terrified him. He wasn't cut out for this. Not cut out to love, not cut out to stay.

So, in the end, he chose to do what he knew best.

He stubbed out his cigarette on the windowsill, picked up his t-shirt and pulled it over his shoulders, pulling up his boxers dripping with sweat and god-knows-what.

Keys in hand, his dull gaze rested one last time on the body he had explored for the first time tonight and was about to leave behind.

He looked away and left without looking back.

Regret will have to wait until tomorrow.